Archive of Our Own

“Hey… hey… stop ignoring me.”

A voice brought him to his senses as he opened his eyes. A small little panda was sitting on top of his chest, a small paw gently patting his cheek. His eyes flew open immediately and he lifted his hand to touch the top of her head, her eyes closed instantly as she moved her head against the direction of his hand, relishing every inch of his touch and affection.

“Oh? Yaginupan…!” his voice cracked instantly “Y-you came to see me...”
“Of course I’d come for you!” her paw reached up towards his face and swatted at it. “But you’ve been ignoring me… how could you be sleeping the entire time?! Don’t you want to see me? Wake up already!”

Without another word, he sprung upwards while carrying her into his arms as tightly as he could without crushing her frail body. His nose dove onto the top of her hair, he breathed slowly, finding the fragrance of her shampoo relaxing. Shimiswans’ body began to tremble, he never got to be as close to her as this...not to mention alone and without anyone to interrupt them.

“Yaginupan.... Do you want to know a secret?” he rubbed his cheek against hers and found it soft and inviting, his heart was beating crazily as he could hardly keep his emotions in check.
“Hrm? Which one is it? Is it about your hair?”
“43… it’s not my hair…” he pouted for a slight few seconds before he brushed his lips against her nose. He couldn’t help but grin when he saw her small nose twitch.
“...Is that so? Then what could it possibly be?~”

His eyes lowered and his voice dropped into barely a whisper. A small faint pink blush appeared on his cheeks and he could hardly look at her.

“Do you really want me to say it? I’m sure you already know, 43…”
“Of course I do.” Yaginupan had begun to rest her head against the crook of his neck, she looked up at him dreamily while her paw stretched and aimlessly tried to touch his chin. “It’s different… it’s much better if you tell me though.”
“W-well you know…” she blinked at him a few times, and he could feel his heart collapsing in on itself all over again. He lifted his hand and pressed his thumb and index finger against her paw, and felt the pads of her paw separating. “I-I really care about you… to the point it’s become maddening… I don’t think I’ve ever gone a day without thinking of you, hoping you’re well… or hoping you’d just look at me. I… I love you, I really do, it’s becoming a bit painful to know that there are days you would not love me and I hope...you can at least accept and understand that these feelings are real.”
“Oh, Shimiswans…” her small pink tongue slid out and licked his cheek mercilessly.
“O-Oh.. that tickles… you should stop!”
“You didn’t tell me you loved me! You should’ve said it immediately!”
“Ah-ah… don’t do this to me, ahaha..”

---

“What is he still doing…? Muttering in his sleep…” Ochi looked at the sleeping swan who had been tossing and turning. Ochi looked at the clock on the wall before waddling over to his bedside, struggling to climb onto his bed. He began to peer down at Shimiswans’ sleeping face who looked happy and content, he felt bad but shook his head. He climbed on top of his chest and after counting down to ten, he jumped hard enough to shake his bed.

Shimiswans awoke with a start and had fallen out of his bed, his covers all crumpled around him it took him a few moments to shake off his sheets and finally look at Ochi who had transformed back into a human, clearly looked displeased.

“Ochi...you woke me up from such a nice dream.”
“It must've been a nice dream…you kept giggling like a schoolgirl. Come on, get ready, it’s a big day..” he lightly nudged him with his foot, jostling him slightly before he dropped his head and walked into his own room.

Shimiswans nodded and quickly made his bed before walking to his closet to pick out the freshly dry-cleaned clothes. While fitting and elegant, it never quite felt like they should be worn, at least...for this exact reason.

It had been at least a full year since Ochi had agreed with Shimiswans to be his housemate. The two had gotten along fairly well, both being decently clean, one more than the other, and enjoying gaming and going out for late night snacks. Not to mention, Shimiswans could handle the overwhelming stench of natto that Ochi poured over his rice lovingly every day.

Shimiswans showered and began preparing their breakfast, he disliked smelling like food right after he changed, he wasn’t going to risk it for fancier clothes. He tilted his head out of the hallway corridor and peeked in the direction of Ochi’s room. There wasn’t any indication that he even went to the bathroom.Worried about the sudden mood of his friend, he decided to toughen it out and added a generous amount of natto into the omelette for Ochi’s sake.

“Ochi? I finished breakfast, don’t let it get cold now! 43!” He turned on the kitchen fan and opened the window. A fresh breeze blew in and felt refreshing, a good omen. He let the breeze fill his lungs and still noticed Ochi still hadn’t come out of his room. On a normal day he’d burst out of the room if he could smell a whiff of natto that was prepared. Passing by his door, he found it open and took a quick peek inside “Ochi? Please eat, it’s not healthy to be hungry on a big day, 43!”

Receiving no answer, he returned to his room and finally heard some rustling and the sound of Ochi’s webbed feet making its way towards the kitchen. Shimiswans quickly changed into the nicely pressed dress clothes before he presented himself back into the kitchen. Ochi had sat there, dressed and ready to go. He had stared glumly at the food, although he had begun to drool a bit out of habit.

“If you’re going to drool, at least eat…” Shimiswans removed his handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped the drool off of his face. Ochi blinked, looking up at Shimiswans. His cheeks had gotten a shade pinker and began to dig in.

“It’s good…” Ochi said gently, then he lifted his head. “Do you know where I put my dress shoes?”
“Dress shoes? You want to wear shoes for once?” Ochi gave him a glare in return while stuffing rice into his mouth. “It’s in the hallway closet. Don’t forget socks if you’re going to wear them.”
“Thanks.” he said. Ochi suddenly feeling more awake began cramming more of their breakfast down as he usually would, Shimiswans was glad his friend was acting a little more like himself, even if it was just his appetite. “Y-you put natto into the omelette today?”
“You looked a bit down…” he said gently, he rose from the table and placing his dishes and empty plates into the sink. He leaned over and wiped Ochi’s face free of food again. “Wash these for me? I cooked this time... Anyway I’ll go grab your shoes, since it’s on a higher shelf than you can reach.”

Ochi nodded his head and began finishing his meal, shuffling over and quickly going over to washing the dishes. Shimiswans felt a bit more pleased as he walked into their hallway closet. He grabbed Ochi’s shoes and socks before remembering the event that caused both him and Taipeko to drag him into a shoe store after Ochi had suffered a small injury to his webbed feet. He still refused to wear them after they healed. He decided to grab a clean handkerchief since his own was now dirty, before he decided to grab another.

“Here.” Ochi had just finished cleaning the dishes, being much more faster at doing it cleanly than he was. He tilted his head before accepting the handkerchief, shoes, and socks. He folded the handkerchief neatly before placing it in his jacket pocket.

“You didn’t need to get me one.”
“I know, but… we might as well match even more than we have to, right?”

Ochi’s face darkened, embarrassed by Shimiswans’ corniness. He quickly put on his socks and shoes and quickly fixed his hair before both of them departed their apartment. Both of them had decided to walk to the point of interest, partially because Shimiswans had let Taipeko borrow his car but also because it was a beautiful day and yet… that might be the only thing beautiful that day…

An unforgettable day, for a wedding.

The wedding was westernized, a strange choice regarding the two to be married, but due to Shuuzo’s increasingly popular and somewhat obnoxious groom photoshoots, it was the biggest appeal for anyone these days. Many myumons and other people had accepted to go and before the two could enter the gate, both of them heard a loud pig squeal before seeing a squirrel grab the pig’s waist and drag her backwards.

“You can’t just go up to anyone! Stop!”
“B-But just one talk?! I c-could grab the bouquet and t-then we could…”
“No!”
“Please! Just one of them!!!”

They looked at each other and shrugged, smiling a tiny bit before beginning to shake hands and greeting others that they knew. Everyone had been pleased to join the festivities but held their other thoughts about the bride and groom. They had tried to hide their reserved feelings and could not help but give both of them a short pitiful look before walking away.

“They brought quite a bit of famous Midicity residents, don't you think?”
“43! It’ll be quite a happy day! With friends and family, what else could be better?!”

Ochi looked at the taller swan with a strong sense of sadness… was he trying to block out the inevitable? Had he been ignoring those pitying faces? Was this why he didn't want to wake up this morning? He touched his shoulder and the look that Shimiswans had given him told him that he knew what was going on. Despite how he acted on stage, Shimiswans had always proved to be far more intelligent and in tuned than he originally gave him credit for. Ochi’s face fell, his hand slipping off his shoulder and almost wanted to suddenly comfort him. Shimiswans lifted his hand and pressed a finger against his lips.

“Let’s not spoil this day, shall we? Let’s visit Taipeko, the man of the hour.”

---

Taipeko sat into his room, his hair combed back and his white suit buttoned up. He stood up when he saw both Ochi and Shimiswans enter and immediately wrapped his arms around them both. They could feel him shaking from head to toe.

“Oh~ Darlings~ I knew you’d come.” he brushed his lips against their cheeks.
Shimiswans saw Ochi suddenly stop breathing and gently pulled him away from Taipeko, resting his hand on Ochi’s shoulder.

Thankfully Taipeko hadn’t noticed the jerking motion and paced around the room nervously, his hair flying straight into his hair, slightly messing up the style.
“I wouldn’t know what I’d do without my closest friends! It’s such a big day… all my family from Kushiro* came! And I get to marry the woman of my dreams…!”

Ochi suddenly flicked his head up and briefly saw Shimiswans began to snarl, his mouth twitching. He punched him in the arm and he stopped before Taipeko could notice. The crane turned to face the two, suddenly feeling calmer.

“I’m sure Yagi would love to see you two! I’m sure she’d be happy.” Taipeko gave them a bright grin before grabbing both of their ties, looking at them with interest and admiration and smoothing them out.“You two are adorable, you know that? You two are matching… almost completely...maybe as if…?”
“Don’t get the wrong idea, Peko.” Shimiswans said quickly, shuffling his feet backwards. “I thought it’d look better if we matched a little more, nothing else. Besides, most of your groomsmen are matching, are you suggesting we’re doing something with each other?”
“Well, I guess that’s one thing you five should leave me out of for once, right?” he gave them a wink and Ochi began to burn at the sudden thought.
“We’ll go visit Yagi though!” Ochi grabbed Shimiswans’ arm and ran out before Taipeko could let out another peep, too evident that he thought something was up besides just living together.

Both of them had caught their breath before Shimiswans slumped to the ground. His wings slumped and fell to the ground. Ochi squatted down next to him and offered a hand.

“I don’t...want to see Yaginupan… can you… go by yourself, 43?” he barely said it above a whisper, he had become increasingly pale, he put his hand on his chest and tried to help him breathe normally.
“But...she’d want you to come… you’re important to her too!” Shimiswans looked up at him, there were a few signs of tears falling already. Ochi stood up a bit, understanding, and smoothed his coat down and began to walk off “Okay, but you better show up at the ceremony!”

Ochi sped down the hall to find her group of bridesmaids huddled around her room before he excused himself to pass by. A few of them gave a few faces at him, but he had ignored them. He breathed in deeply, hopefully she wouldn't be opposed to seeing a friend? He rapped his hand against the door before letting himself in, he left the door open in case one of her bridesmaid was beginning to suspect something.

Yaginupan turned around from her mirror and stood up to look at Ochi. Ochi swallowed, if Shimiswans had come he probably would not be able to handle it at all and would have broken down into tears. Yaginupan walked towards him slowly, her dress clearly heavy and adorned. It hung onto her small frame and the silk and fabric danced around her wings and tail.

“Ochi! I’m so glad you came to visit.” She opened her arms and he returned the hug. He patted her back gently before putting his hands on her shoulders.
“Looks like you’re more than ready for today.”
“I am! It’s exciting,” she blinked a few times, happy to see him and peered behind his shoulder. “Did you come with Shimiswans? Where is he?”
“Huh? O-Oh yes! B-But he wanted to take a walk outside…!”
“Is he nervous? What could he be nervous about?”

Ochi bit his lip, did they really not know? No, of course they knew, it was all too evident. It must’ve been nice to be able to ignore someone’s embarrassing, although genuinely overwhelming feelings for you especially if it’s your day, and if they tried anything they would be branded as the one who ruined your one special day.

“Aha!” she clapped her hands together. “I know, Taipeko asked him to make a few speeches as his best man. So he’s probably practicing them so he wouldn’t mess them up!”

Ochi’s face fell, his heart dropping all of a sudden, he had not thought of the fact that since Shimiswans was Taipeko’s best man, of all the planning and speeches he would do. He was naturally the best candidate to do all the paperwork and was able to speak perfectly fine in front of crowds, but that didn’t mean his heart and mind wouldn’t be put to the test.

“Ochi, tell me what do you think…” Yaginupan spun in her dress and he couldn’t keep his eyes off of how lovely she looked in the light. “Do you think anyone could keep their eyes off me?”
“No, not at all. Especially not your groom…” and he thought bitterly of someone else who wouldn’t be able to either, he felt awkward being near Yaginupan when Shimiswans was silently rehearsing while preparing his heart. “Ah, I’m… still one of the groomsmen, we have to get ready, excuse me. I’ll see you soon.”

Yaginupan waved her hand away and Ochi hurried down to the ceremony, while it wasn’t wrong that he was a groomsman and needed to meet up but he suddenly wanted to punch Shimiswans for being so careless, if he had the choice, even if he was his best friend, he would’ve said no.
The swan had struck up a conversation with Jun and some of their auxiliary members of their band. He had appeared as cheerful as he usually would, nothing hinting his own pain.

“Shimiswans, a moment, please?” Ochi passed a glance at the other three who looked at each other quickly before nodding and stepping back, he pulled him to the side and slapped him. The three men was prepared to jump and stop the oncoming fight only before Shimiswans lifted his hand, telling him he was fine. He had recoiled and had been a bit too stunned to react.

“Y-you… why would you do that?!”
“Do..what?”

“You know, make speeches to be the best man! Doesn’t that hurt already?! Seeing your best friend marry the girl you’ve been chasing for…” his face faltered, he didn’t even know how long he had been chasing Yaginupan. When he joined their band, all he knew was that he had been doing it for some time already.

“Since the day I saw her…” he shook his wings off and looked at Ochi. “I know, I know what you’re thinking. But I can’t just say no to my best friend. Even if it hurts… Even if I’m the closest one to seeing them be married and having to make their marriage official...”

Ochi could hardly look at him, his hand balling into fists to prevent himself from slapping him again.
“You’re a fool, you know that? You're going to just accept this pain like it's no big deal because you're really good friends with Taipeko? Heck, Takezo could've done it!”

Shimiswans looked at him ashamed, his wings now slowly drooping down again.

“I know, but I refuse to make Taipeko unhappy with something as petty as this…” he looked at Ochi who looked at him as though he didn’t believe him for a moment “besides... I don’t deserve Yaginupan anyway. What better than to let the better man get the girl I love, right?”

Shimiswans stepped off into the side joining the other three men who had been watching in case there was a small fight. Ochi could barely get another word in, finding it even harder to look at him but decided to join the other four against his feelings.

Taipeko had shown up and nodded to the five other men while trying to look presentable as possible. All of them had begun chattering as more people filled the area. Friends and family began getting noisier and Ochi had suddenly felt all too glad, being able to not hear how much his heart was hammering.

Ochi could feel his heart pounding, his hands trembled far too much. He hadn’t realized he began licking his lips, the entire time he was talking to Taipeko; how did he not notice how kissable Taipeko’s were? Were they soft or were they more firmer? How would he react if he went up to him and planted a kiss on his lips right now? That would be a scandal wouldn’t it…? It could be worth it…

He suddenly felt someone grabbing his shoulder and turned around to see Shimiswans. He motioned him to stay still and excused both of them. Taipeko tilted his head when the two had run off right before the ceremony but let them go.

“Here, use this.” Shimiswans had reached into his pocket and handed him a stick of chapstick. Ochi stared at him curiously, before he stuck it into his palm. “Look, you were beginning to walk towards Taipeko, and don’t think I don’t know what you were thinking of.”
“N-No one knew what I was doing! E-except you!”

Shimiswans stared at him thoughtfully, and he could feel a shiver down his entire body as he stared, his staring was piercing. He was always analyzing and observing someone inside and out , even being able to tell what someone was thinking...and it scared him how different he was to his personality at lives, but he also knew better that during lives the Shimiswans there wasn’t the same man. He applied his chapstick, noting on how it was slightly flavored before handing it back, their hands brushed up and he could feel how suddenly tense both of them felt.

“You have… such a scary gaze when you’re thinking.”
“I’ve been told.”
“Will you be okay?”

Shimiswans gave him a grim smile as he reached into his pants pocket and retrieved the box which held the wedding rings. Ochi stared blankly before he suddenly looked up.

“Isn’t a child supposed to bring these?”
“Ochi…” he shook his head before placing the box into his hands. He could see his hands trembling “This is a wedding with no children. Therefore the best man must present.”
“Are you sure? You’ll be fine? Forget what I said earlier, just this alone is horrible…” Ochi handed the box back to Shimiswans who had sighed in defeat
“I told you, I wanted to make Taipeko happy. Even though, it comes at both yours and my own expense. I’m a selfish birdy for not thinking about you… I should've thought about you before agreeing to be his best man.” he stopped to put the box back into his pocket. “I’m sorry.”

He turned around and motioned him to follow as they both were returning shortly before the ceremony started. Taipeko had ran up to Shimiswans who immediately gripped his shoulders and he in return began comforting and encouraging him. Ochi could almost hear how much Shimiswans had wanted to slap Taipeko, and tell him to reconsider or not to do it at all. But he also knew Shimiswans wouldn't let his true feelings get into the way. He decided to stand next to Shimiswans and also attempt to chatter aimlessly with Taipeko to relieve his nerves.

While both of them could handle Taipeko’s excitedness, they could hardly hide the pain in their hearts every single time he would shrill loudly, reminding them further of how hopeless and unappreciated their love had been. Ochi forced his face to grace him with a smile, fighting back tears and trying to avoid being pessimistic around him. He suddenly felt Shimiswans’ arm wrapped against his shoulder and looked up at him who just gave him a simple look to let it out at the end of the day.

“Hmm? You guys are awfully close..you sure you two aren't up to anything?”
“If there was, 43… we wouldn't tell you now because it's your special day.”
“How kind of you. But I want juicy gossip!”
“Just wait until the reception dinner, someone will be drunk and you'll see it.”
“Will that be you?~”
“Silly, I have to drive you to your hotel to start up your…” he paused needing a moment to calm himself. “Your honeymoon.”
“Aha… do you really have to?”
“Ah, yes.. my own duties as your best man...” He successfully forced a small smile. “Besides, you hate driving.”
“I do~” Taipeko turned to Ochi and gave him a small pat on the head. “Will you be coming too? I’d be a little sad if you didn’t.”
“Ah...I…” Ochi had frozen up, taken aback from the sudden touch that he craved so much, realizing it was far better than he imagined and quickly looked at Shimiswans to save him.
“Of course, I need to get back home with my housemate... you borrowed my car to get here…” he said it flatly trying to hide every sense of bitterness in his voice, it was less of him borrowing his car, more of him trying not to imagine what he was doing in it.

The photographer ran up to the three to announce that the ceremony would be starting soon, although noticing the heavy atmosphere between the three. Taipeko removed his hand from Ochi’s head, and there was a clear desperate face on Ochi that almost begged him to keep his warmth. Instead, Ochi and Shimiswans stayed to the side and watched Taipeko clear his throat and pat down his suit preparing to look as decently as possible, while they were trying to prepare their hearts as much as possible.

The music began to start and every head turned to the doors, Taipeko’s hands began wringing themselves out in nervousness. Ochi cast a quick glance up at Shimiswans who didn’t return the gaze, resting his hand on the ring box in his pocket, finding little comfort in the box, he cast his eyes downwards, closing them, praying that the ceremony would miraculously speed up. The longer both of them had to suffer, the more he didn’t know if they could hold the other back.

The doors began opening and Yaginupan had appeared and gracefully walked down the aisle, having one direct gaze on the man at the end. Every person in the area could not keep their eyes off of her, as Ochi had said. At this moment, Ochi opened his eyes and peeked at Taipeko who was shaking but couldn’t stop a cheerful smile form.

It made him angry and bitter, he knew it was very selfish of him to wish that neither of them would be happy with each other. He wanted to forget their cheerful faces or how they’d steal glances at each other from time to time. Or how they would almost pretend like they couldn't feel the tension in the room between them. The only ones who mattered was the other, he wished he could have that kind of bliss.

He could hardly forget the day that Taipeko had done a sudden proposal right after a live. Whether or not Yaginupan said yes out of pressure or because she meant it, he didn't know, but it must've been true affection by then. Ochi could feel his body heat up remembering how stunned he was, his body started clapping for them and his eyes began to water. But wouldn't any passerby think he was crying tears of joy? The first person to talk to him was Shimiswans, who surprisingly didn't cry but asked if Ochi was okay.

The following year had been worse, the two lovebirds began to hang out even more excessively. In fact, he never noticed that the two had hung out a lot in the first place. It had slowly become increasingly unbearable for him to come home and see Yaginupan with Taipeko all snuggled up… or in some sort of disarray.

Which was shortly after the time Shimiswans asked him to live with him instead. He was quiet, it was different from his live personality but it was even more quiet for his normal personality. Shimiswans invited him for dinner, and flatly told him to live with him. There was no ulterior motive, he had begun eating after he mentioned that and nothing else was said about the matter. Seeing those two with their hair and part of their clothes strewn about on the couch was enough to get him to call Shimiswans and accept his offer.

Suddenly thinking of his housemate, looked at him and saw Shimiswans had tears falling freely from his face. He was a silent crier and he could felt a pit drop in his heart, knowing he'd pretend and act like he was crying tears of joy as he'd be the one giving the two their rings and being the witness to officiate their marriage.

Yaginupan had given a small smile to her bridesmaids before stepping up next to Taipeko. Shimiswans blinked away his last few tears from his eyes, letting them fall before resuming his spot next to Taipeko as he watched them silently sign their marriage form and slowly signing at the bottom to make it official. He resumed his blank face yet forcing an even smile as he presented their rings. His tail brushed against the floor as it drooped as he fell out to stand next to Ochi.

“Now, we will hear the vows from the bride and groom…”

Shimiswans gently placed a hand on Ochi’s shoulder, and he thought perhaps he was trying to comfort him before they made their speeches? But he felt his entire body trembling and he was still crying as he could see him still staring at Yaginupan. Only she was radiant and glowing, happy to be married to the one she loved. She didn't really care about anyone else but the person in front of her.

Ochi swallowed a lump in his throat before he gently placed his hand on Shimiswans back, suddenly understanding he was trying to keep himself in check as much as him. He looked up at him and saw a smile past his tears. Was he happy? It wasn't a forced smile… it was a real one? What could he be happy about?

“I, Taipeko promise to love you for the rest of my life. Between sickness and health and days of good and bad. Even if there is anything trying to separate us, I promise our love will prevail. Just like it always did, when I told you I've loved you from the beginning.”

Shimiswans’ grip on Ochi’s shoulder suddenly got tighter and his breathing became labored. He could hardly keep himself standing and was shaking almost wildly, if it had not been for everyone else watching the soon to be man and wife, there would've been a scene.

“I, Yaginupan promise to cherish and love you from the bottom of my heart. To nurture and care for you for the rest of our days. To prove to others that our love is truly meant to be. As always, I was always yours from the beginning.”

Ochi felt his heart being stabbed. Were those vows a stab at both of them? It couldn't be a coincidence…

“Now, you may kiss the bride.”

Taipeko took a small step forward and cupped his hands around her cheeks before dipping his head into a kiss. But instead of the usual peck, both of them had lingered into a passionate kiss and if it had not been a public place, they would've been more passionate…

Once they had both released, they both had a faint glow on their face as they walked down the aisle to go to their reception dinner. Shimiswans had quickly joined with the maid of honor to lead her down, returning to lead Yaginupan’s mother down, only to return once again. People began filing out to follow suit, else if they had to leave they put their wedding gifts into a box that Shimiswans had set out for them.

The other groomsmen fell silent as they could no longer lie and pretend they didn't see the other two tear up.

“At least it's half over…” Jun had said softly
“Uh-huh, you're wrong about that.” Shimiswans had quickly collected himself and began retrieving the box of wedding gifts to bring to the reception. “This is only the beginning. We will just have to see it more everyday… and hopefully, life will be kind… 43..”
“I want to forget and pretend nothing like this happened.”
“Ochi… I know how you felt but…” Takezo had begun to start.
“Shut up! You don't know anything of how I felt! I wish I never saw this happen and never have to pretend it was the best day because of my bandmates! I wish I never have to keep living and feeling myself twist and ache because of not being the one Taipeko wanted! I will have to keep watching them ogling each other unless I leave Shirokuro!”

Ochi huffed and could hardly keep himself from feeling the hot tears stream down his face as he let out what he felt. Takuto had attempted to make sense out of him, but he could not hear the sense in his words.

“You...you guys don't understand..” He said between sobs, he wiped at his face. “In the end I wanted to be happy… even if it's just one day where Taipeko would've understood my feelings, that would've been bliss. But you heard those vows. They were stepping over Shimiswans and I... and yet they still expect us to act fine! It's not fair! They know how much it's tormenting us and they know we can't fight them because we become the enemies!”
“Ochi… please stop.”

Shimiswans had finally spoken, and his face had grown colder and almost as if his entire life disappeared from his body. Ochi looked at him, trying to understand why he'd want him to stop, he was defending him! Wasn’t he hurt by all of this?!

“We can talk about this at home. Maybe after a few drinks. But not now, let's not drag these three into it. It’s not their fault, don’t put it against them for something they can’t change.”

Takuto and Takezo looked miffed but Jun had understood and nudged them all into a car and drove them to the reception dinner. The other three walked past them and uttered a small apology before taking their seats with their plus ones. Ochi had trailed behind Shimiswans, partially because they were eachother's “dates” and also because he would not want to sit with the other six and forced to make conversation.

“Shimiswans, I'm gonna drink a lot.”
“Okay.”
“I want to knock out when you have to drive them to their hotel. Just pick me up and bring me to my room after. “
“...” Shimiswans carefully placed the last envelope into the box he held and slid it back onto the table. “Okay, I'll just tell them you drank a lot.”

Ochi smiled genuinely at Shimiswans. Despite the fact that he didn't like him at first, mostly out of not realizing that he was acting a certain way during lives, he was always more comforted by how kind he had always been regardless of how he viewed him. The two joined the other groomsmen and chatted cordially with the other guests and helped seat everyone.

By the time the bridesmaids had come up on time, Shimiswans had began to tap his wine glass loud enough to be heard and waited until he had all eyes on him. He suddenly dreaded being the one making the toast.

“Thank you all, for coming to Taipeko and Yaginupan’s wedding. It means a lot to them but also to me, 43! I've known Taipeko since college, we've been roommates for the entirety as well as formed a band together when we were sophomores** and we've continued to this day. Taipeko had always been the type to kind of be flirty, maybe he's trying to compensate for something?”

He paused and felt relieved the crowd had laughed, Taipeko raised a fist at him and he couldn't help but laugh into the mic.

“It's quite different having your best friend suddenly being married, it's not a bad feeling but...different. I don't expect his wife to hog him completely, but I still need to have my own Taicchan time.” he looked at Taipeko who smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. “Despite everything, I know Taipeko will treat Yaginupan well and I sincerely hope… all of you will support and give them your blessings. Cheers.”

The maid of honor made the second toast and soon the reception was underway. The couple had agreed to make the obligatory dances before the dinner and both Shimiswans and Ochi had tried to be happy when they watched each other glide and twirl with one another.

“Shimi-tan~ it's your turn!”

Shimiswans looked at Ochi who also had no idea what he was talking about before he looked up at Taipeko out reaching his hand.

“Don't be stupid! The best man has to dance with us!”
“Like, just you or…?”
“Well, if you want to dance with just me, sure. But I'm sure Yagi wants to dance with you too! And also dance with her mom too.”

Shimiswans stared at him blankly before Taipeko quickly added that she asked him just now since her husband wasn't here. He said it quietly, Shimiswans blinked again before slowly agreeing, not quite understanding still, since naturally she'd ask Taipeko, because he was her son in law.

“Wait, I want Ochi to do this too.”

Ochi shot his head up, his mouth had been full of some of the crackers for appetizers. Taipeko raised his eyebrows trying to stifle a giggle at all the crumbs around his mouth.

“Okay, but I don't think her mom wants to dance with Ochi.’
“It's not fun to dance solo or watch to the side.” He gently grabbed Ochi’s wrist to stand up. “I don't mind dancing with her mom, Ochi can just sit out after… I think he's hungry after all.”

Ochi gave him a small pout before he realized he was joking. Both of them joined Taipeko and Yaginupan, splitting off into pairs.

“Shimiswans, show me if you've gotten better at dancing.”
“If your footwork is as good as it was in college…” he motioned to Taipeko, unsure to lead or not. “I might have caught up now.”
“I see.” He gave a small smirk, he rested one of his hands on his shoulder, trying to ignore their slight height difference “You lead.”

The other two had already begun to dance, although Ochi and Yaginupan clearly looked more clumsy, they had briefly stopped when the other pair began to start.

“Oh, I haven’t seen this since college.”
“College? Have they done this a lot?” he gestured for her to twirl under his arm.
“Didn’t you know? Both of them can dance, it’s just… Taipeko is better at dances that focus more on lower body movement while Shimiswans usually lacks there but is otherwise much better at the upper body and grace.”
“So Taipeko isn’t graceful?”
“Not in the same way. Besides, they hate doing fancy dances.”

Both of them began to stop, curious to see if anyone would notice that they stopped, considering that Taipeko and Shimiswans had more of a presence. When they stepped out, they noticed no one did. Considering that the pair had energies that was hard to ignore in general, a dance would be even harder to. Both of them had looked at each other intensely and it was beginning to resonate around the room.

Shimiswans stopped and posed, announcing the end. Ochi blinked and realized that they both finished. Taipeko cracked a smile at the other two who had clearly been caught watching.

“I know you two don’t have much experience in dance, but you could at least pretend to keep going throughout the end of the song.” he outreached a hand to Ochi, who looked at him dumbfoundedly before realizing that Shimiswans had set him up. He hadn’t thought about it when he had suggested it...but it clicked.
“W-we don’t have to, I think everyone has seen a much better dance. I don't think we could compare to you with Shimiswans just now.”
“Nonsense~ if you’re afraid, I can lead!”

Ochi swallowed down before gripping Taipeko’s shoulder and closing his hand around his. He tried not to sigh out as he felt his hand resting on his waist and hand. Taipeko had taken a step closer to Ochi, their chests barely touching. He gave him a smile, and he cursed himself internally for falling for that charming smile of his. Ochi could hardly keep up with his more masterful steps, feeling all too glad that he wore shoes in case Taipeko might step on him due to his clumsy steps.

“Take a breath.” he whispered, in another moment, he briefly lifted him before resuming their dance. Ochi could hardly breathe, trying to figure out a way to help him calm down. He spotted Shimiswans and he saw him look at him briefly, giving him a sad, sheepish smile. “See? You just need some practice Ochi!”
“Ahuh… yep.” Taipeko looked at him and brought his lips close to his ears
“Keep your eyes on me, for just a bit longer, won’t you?”
“W-what?!”

Taipeko looked over to Shimiswans and Yaginupan and circled around them for a moment. Clearly meaning to tease the other with every chance he could get.
“Having fun you two?”
“Of course.” Shimiswans said flatly, giving Taipeko a blank stare. His eyebrows furrowed, slightly confused at his cold response “Don’t worry about my fun, please enjoy your dance.”
“I’m having fun, don’t you see?~”
“I’ve been keeping my eyes off of you because I don’t want to accidentally step on your wife. Why don’t you ask her how her dance has been?”
“Okay, darling. How have you been?”
“The dance is fine, how about yours Ochi?”
“Uhh… I haven’t been stepped on… yet?”

When the music ended, Shimiswans gave a small bow before going up to Yaginupan’s mother who was almost too eager to dance. Ochi made a quick jog back to their table and slightly loosened his tie. He had readily accepted a drink and began to watch Shimiswans last dance, he looked like he was deep in thought. Yet,he appeared to be enjoying his last dance much better. He didn’t even know if he did anything with Yaginupan, likely not. The main couple was watching the pair dance and noticed that both of them looked a bit off. Eventually Shimiswans stopped and led her mother back to her table before excusing himself outside of the room.

Dinner was slowly being served before Shimiswans had come back. He handed Ochi a cold, damp towel before seating himself properly.

“You look like you were going to die out there. I should’ve at least taught you how to lead…” he said softly.
“Maybe you should’ve! Or at least to follow!”
His lips cracked into another smile before being thrown small compliments about his dances. He took a sip of wine before Ochi had begun to look at him funny.
“Aren’t you supposed to be driving?”
“Yes, but I know I need exactly four drinks to pass out completely. Else, I’m never drunk. One drink won’t kill me, besides I can’t resist my favorite wine, 43…”

He refused to say more, and Ochi silently accepted that he probably wouldn’t want to talk much longer. He wiped his face with the damp towel and placed it on another napkin before digging into part of the richer foods. Midway through the third course, Taipeko and Yaginupan had reached their table, clearly thanking everyone for joining.

“It means a lot for all of you to come~ Especially you Jun~ You left Shirokuro and broke most contact with us!”
“Oh, don’t be like this…! I wouldn’t miss a friend’s wedding for the world.”
“I’m glad you’re kind enough to grace us with your presence~” Taipeko faced Ochi and Shimiswans who had been quietly eating and not making much conversation. “You two must be hungry, right?”
“It’s been a long day… and we still have to drive you to your hotel.”
“If it’s too much of a hassle, we can get a taxi…” Yaginupan started suddenly looking more detached when Shimiswans spoke.
“It’s already been agreed on, it’s not good to change things last minute.”

Yaginupan nodded before grabbing onto Taipeko’s arm to visit other guests. Ochi drank a bit more, suddenly wondering about Shimiswans last comment. It had been much more hostile than it usually was, almost as if it was accusatory.

“I’m just tired of being led on.”

He said this simply. That was the overall feeling he had, of being led on and wanting to have a glimpse of happiness and affection only for it to be constantly thrown into his face that it was a clear lie and everything surrounding them proved to not be real but life just indulging into their fantasies for a brief moment. The two began to pretend everything was okay, amicably enjoying their time while wishing the hours would pass by quickly.

Yet, when the hour to leave did come, both of them seemed like they wanted to just go home, suddenly wishing to have just called a taxi instead. Shimiswans had checked up on everyone making sure to be polite and remind people about their wedding gifts before politely putting them in the designated box and carrying it to his car, since the other two would be following anyway.

Ochi waited for the two to stumble by him, Taipeko had stumbled and he almost side stepped so he would fall but grabbed his arm at the last moment. Yaginupan checked his forehead to make sure he wasn’t overly drunk, but he wasn’t and likely just light headed. Taipeko reached out and patted Ochi’s head gently, tousling his hair. A blush creeped on his face and his hands trembled, slowly bringing them to Taipeko’s stray hand.

“Looks like you need a glass of water.” Shimiswans had appeared out of nowhere before them while handing Taipeko a glass of water.Taipeko suddenly stood up straight and drank it in one gulp. The other two were a bit surprised at his sudden soberness but said nothing. “Thought so…” he muttered inaudibly before motioning the three to follow him.

“Shimiswans, are you sure? We can get a taxi…”
“It’s a bit late now, I want to make sure you guys get to where you need to be.” he buckled himself in and started the engine, being to back out.
“Besides, the next time we see you two, you’ll be a real married couple! You have to make it official.” Ochi piped up, he began to roll down the car window, feeling the cold breeze on his face.
“Oh? Ochi knows what you need to do to make a marriage official?”
“I’m as old as you are, don’t act like I wouldn’t know.”
“I’m kidding~ Shimiswans take a left here.”

Shimiswans turned left and continued driving in silence before he finally parked, he opened his door to help the other two get out and getting their items out of his car. He almost shoved the items into their hands just before he gave them a goodbye. He got back into his car and waited until both of them walked into their hotel, noticing Yaginupan had looked behind, lingering for a moment before entering.

“I’m sorry.” he said flatly to Ochi before he started up the car again and began driving back to their shared apartment.
“Shimiswans...”
“Let’s not talk until we get back home. We have some liquor to drink, at least we won’t have practice for a week. We can forget this for a week.”

Both of them stayed silent until they finally pulled up into the apartment complex’s parking lot and both of them made their way up their stairs. Once inside, both of them kicked off their shoes and promptly threw off their jackets and loosened their ties. Ochi slumped down on the floor, feeling his legs give out.

“Shimiswans… I’m so tired.”
“If you’re that tired, I can carry you to my room.” he paused. “I mean, so I can make sure you don’t hurt yourself in your sleep. You did drink more than I did.”
“I don’t know how much alcohol would make me forget. I want to drink...”
“There won’t be enough alcohol in the world.” Shimiswans knelt down and propped an arm around his shoulder while he brought him to their couch. “But there is only a small amount needed to forget it for tonight.”

He left him on the couch and went into a cabinet to retrieve some finer wine and some glasses. Ochi’s body slumped and he felt his side hit part of the couch. He was tired, but couldn’t feel the use of resting his eyes. He closed them briefly, remembering Taipeko asking him to keep his eyes on him, whatever that meant. He could feel his body shake as he began to cry. He twisted the front part of his shirt, trying to alleviate the pain in his chest and couldn’t feel him breathe normally, hiccuping. He felt a cold cloth on his face and saw Shimiswans briefly patting away his face clean.

“What are you…”
“Trying to make you feel better.” he stood up and sat down next to Ochi while he poured him a drink. “Come on, tell me what’s been on your mind.”
“D-do you think… Both of them were playing games on us… that entire day?”
“Naturally. It felt like that, anyway.” he poured himself a glass and sipped at it slowly.
“Shimiswans… how come you aren't as angry?”
“Because my heart had been toyed with for several years. I'm tired and perhaps this was the day that I finally got some piece of mind. The day that it was official, I don’t need to keep feeling I should love someone...”
“But you were crying the entire ceremony! You stopped when you had to but then you just started all over again!”

Shimiswans closed his eyes, trying not to recount the day but tried to think of what to say. He let out a sigh before resigning himself to finishing his glass in one gulp, pouring himself another.
“It's true. It's an indescribable pain seeing the person you love… marry someone else. Being up close, seeing them be happy for each other, ignoring your pain because it doesn't matter. But I guess… I was still happy.”
“Happy…? Was that why you were smiling somehow?”
“You know how there's men who cry at seeing their bride? Like you've seen perfection and suddenly you realize that person is actually yours?”
“But you weren't even getting married...”
“... Just being able to see her in her loveliest… was enough for me. Even if I experienced sad...unrequited love the entire time I’ve known her… Even if today was the saddest day of my life...but it was also my happiest, because I could see her. Being able to see her most days… is sometimes the kindest gift I could get. I’ve been given one last gift, you see.”

Ochi could feel more weight to his words. Of course, he'd naturally find her lovely for everything. But in the things that was now acceptable for him to witness, this would be the peak. Ochi slurped his entire glass down, wiping his lips before greedily pouring himself another.

“Shimiswans… there were times I've been a bad duck today.”
“You mean… yelling at Takuto and Takezo for absolutely no reason?”
“No… I mean, times where I'd stare at Taipeko and feel tempted to seduce him.”

He stared blankly at him but said nothing, taking a small sip. He waiting for him to continue.

“He told me to keep his eyes on him longer…” Ochi swallowed another glass, pouring himself another glass. Shimiswans stared quietly, knowing he could handle his alcohol. “Isn't he tired of playing around with me? I… I never even gotten a chance to tell him how I felt… I'd look at him and suddenly forget if I wanted to tell him my feelings… because... He knew, didn't he? But he kept doing it… I wonder if… if I said something, if I would be an option or have a chance…”

He saw a tear drop into his glass and he wiped his face.

“Whenever he touched me today… I just hoped he would do it longer or pull me into his chest and hold me… or at least smile at me as if there was no one else there… that dance, I wanted to just shove myself at him and let him do whatever… but seducing a married man… isn't smart, especially when his wife is across the floor… I sometimes wonder if it's worse to not know what it's like to be with someone or have a small glimpse of it and constantly think about that brief moment, knowing it won't happen again.”

He finally took a sip again and blinked away a few more tears, not caring that they fell in his drink.

“I wanted to kiss him so bad… I love the way his lips move into a smile or when he laughs or talks. Or the look he gives someone secretly, thinking no one notices. I wanted to have that.. for one brief moment… I wanted it so bad… I.. I want to be happy with Taipeko but now I know I'll never have that chance!”

He pushed his drink on their small glass table and pushed his head into Shimiswans arm, sobbing and wiping his face on his shirt.

“I wouldn't have cared if Taipeko wasn't faithful to me! As long as I got something from him and he at least loved me when I was there, I'd be happy! I don't want to see him and keep falling in love every time, Shimiswans. I wish I could stop, I want him to hurt me enough for me to let go. But even today wasn't enough, he had to keep acting like it's okay to be chasing a married man.”

He finally began to stop crying and felt Shimiswans touch his head, stopping realizing he might not be okay with it. Ochi rested his cheek against his forearm.
“It's okay, you can keep doing that…” Shimiswans gently patted his head and slid his hand through his hair, messing it up and tidying it up over and over. “I just wanted to be happy… happy with him… yes. But all I feel is someone leading me on, and even when I know it's useless, he's leading me on until I fall into my own death…”
He suddenly sat up and looked at Shimiswans with an urgent sense of sadness.

“Shimiswans… how did you deal with it?”
“I told you, I've dealt with someone playing with me...leading me on for years.”
“Not that, but your best friend knowing you were in love with his girlfriend since the day you met. Him hiding that he was dating her, him pretending to help you out only to let it hurt you… and still expecting you to be able to smile at his wedding… being the person with front row seats to him marrying the woman of your dreams? You officiated their marriage, and constantly doing things that would hurt you… how could you deal with that?”
“I...I don't know.” he said quietly. “I never thought of it. I was foolish, even though I loudly proclaimed my love and always got turned down, I never thought of it. I suppose, it's because Taipeko pitied me. Maybe he felt it was time to put an end to my unrequited love by doing that surprise proposal.”
“I could never do what you did. I would've stolen Taipeko for myself if I was at the altar.”
“Ochi… I have a lot of self control.” He paused and looked at him, giving him a sheepish sad smile. “When I was at the altar, I looked at Yaginupan and how she looked at Taipeko. And I knew she would be fine, she looked at him the way… I looked at her. As if they were perfect and no one else mattered. That anything they did… could be forgiven because I loved them. Even if I wanted to, even if Taipeko might’ve hid all of this from me for years… I value them more as friends than the immense love I had for one of them. I could never do anything to my friend as drastic as that. Even if he did something like that to me.”
“But you were hurt and it sprung onto you out of nowhere!”
“Ochi… I knew I never had a chance… you at least did… you could've tried. And while awful as it would've been to be a relationship ruiner... you could've been happy, and she could move on… to someone else. You see, you like Taipeko for similar reasons Yaginupan does. And because of that, I don't need to explain why I'm not meant for her.”
“Hey… someone who doesn't give up after more than five years, that's respectable..”
“No, it's creepy at this point. Yaginupan never loved me, sure as a friend. But not the same way.”
“Shimiswans… you care about me even though we weren't close and I yelled at you and pushed you away… that's something.”
“Being nice and caring doesn't mean anything. Like when I asked you to live with me, I did ask because I didn't want you to walk in on them one day…” he slowly stopped talking and pulled Ochi into his chest. “I didn't want you to have to witness something and feel your feelings invalidated in one moment.”

Ochi looked up at Shimiswans and saw him close his eyes because he was close to crying again. Witness something to make your feelings invalidated? Did that mean…? He suddenly wanted to comfort him, he had no idea how much it really hurt… what he had seen, or tried to forget but couldn’t… he began leaning over and pulled his face down before Shimiswans opened his eyes and gently pushed him away.

“Don't do anything you'd regret. You've already drunk a lot.”
“I'm more sober than you! W-what if I was doing that because I had a sudden interest?”
“... It can't be. I'm not your type, first off. And I can't pretend to be, anyway.” he took another sip of wine before he laid it out. “Taipeko has confidence radiating without trying, sure there's a darker side to him, always is… but unlike him, I have to fake that confidence. The Shimiswans most people know is not me and will never be the real me. I know so many more people who prefer him more than the actual me. That's the one that you like better…I don't even need you to tell me that, I just know.”

Ochi sat there quietly, suddenly feeling bad that he thought he could do something to make him feel better, but he realized he was wrong for assuming so. He perked up, as something crossed his mind.

“Hey, why did Yaginupan’s mom want to dance with you?”
“She felt sad for me.”
“Wait, what?”
“... she saw me handing the rings and saw me cry. And so she asked me… why didn't I hold onto her daughter close during our dance. If I loved her so much, why didn’t I try holding her… why didn’t I try to be more outgoing and go for her? Things of that nature.”
“You...didn't hold her at all?”
“Remember how you asked if it's better to not know what it's like to be with someone or have a glimpse and crave it? I think… never knowing is better. I didn't want to hold her close, I didn't want to spin her or dip her. Even if I really wanted to. I just did as minimally as I could, didn't even look at her. What is the point of experiencing that when I know that it doesn’t mean anything in the end? Why would I want to crush my own heart when someone already had done so? So, in comparison to that, I didn't see any issue dancing properly with someone's mom.”
“I see… you didn't look right in the dance though.”
“Ah, yes… there is that.” he took a sip of wine before he coughed to continue. “She noticed I was crying. Not even Taipeko was, you know?”
“I… didn't even notice that.”
“She found it odd that the best man started crying when her daughter walked in but not her son in law.” Both of them took a sip out of their wine and he took a breath. “She wished the best for me, in the end. A heart-broken swan can die from just that, you know.”

Ochi suddenly nuzzled himself into the crook of Shimiswans’ neck, seemingly more calmer and more at rest. He set his glass down, realizing that he drank most of the wine bottle.

“Why does it feel bad that I still don't wanna give up on Taipeko?”
“Because you love him. And you’ve fallen for him hard, as of now… there’s no one who holds even a candle to Taipeko’s radiance on your life.”
“Hey… you’re sounding like an old man who’s experienced and survived a million heartbreaks.”
“Isn’t that how you feel after getting heartbroken once?” Shimiswans stood up and carefully rinsed the now empty bottle and making sure to dispose it properly. “Doesn’t it also feel like, no one could give them the love you could’ve given them?”
“Yeah…”
“That’s a sad love. My dad told me to never fall into those kind of loves. Because all you get is pain, you know? 43? But they’re also the most irresistible too.” he looked at Ochi from where he stood. “Let me ask you a question now. How did it feel to dance with Taipeko?”

Ochi looked up at Shimiswans, he had a mostly pained face still, and he suddenly remember the slight snap and callout to Taipeko when he brushed his head towards the end.

“I felt like I was loved for a few minutes. As I was the only one there. There was so much warmth in his hands and arms, I was afraid I might just melt right there. But now I know how that feels, I can almost say I wish it never happened. But only almost, because I’m still a bit selfish.. And glad that I could hold him briefly.”

Shimiswans nodded and grabbed both of their glasses to wash them, rinsing them and putting them on a rack.

“Hey, Shimiswans… when you came back I heard you say that you ‘thought so’?”
“Oh that…” he rolled up his sleeves, getting them wet from washing. “While I do truly believe they are a good pair, but it always felt there was a part of them that wondered what if something happened, or if there was something different that could happen. I know they were staring at me with my last dance. It was my typical ones, full of emotion and personality. In comparison, it looked like I barely made an effort for Yaginupan. The girl I had loved with every ounce of my body for more than five years.”
“A-ah… I noticed that, they looked a bit off. Maybe they felt bad for teasing us?”
“Or… they realized I’ve properly given up, only in my own way. Like I said, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Taipeko. You know how it is, teasing me is enjoyable. So when I saw Taipeko do that to you, I realized that he was still teasing you. And I wanted him to knock it off. I don’t want you to become the target I was.”
“Why do you sound like our friends are out to hurt us, Shimiswans?!”
“Even though they love us… isn’t there always a part of you that wants to tease your friend too much? To see how much they can handle?”
“... yes… “

Ochi played with his fingers, despite what Shimiswans was saying he couldn’t stop feeling guilty for some odd reason.

“Shimiswans… tell me the truth… how do you feel...if I told you this…?”
“... Okay, go on.”
“I somehow...still want to love Taipeko… is that wrong? But, I know you’d say no. But, what if I said that I want to be hurt by him… because that’s the closest thing to love I could get... “
“I’d say you haven’t experienced love where someone actually cares about you. You can still love Taipeko, it’ll just hurt a lot…and for...an unimaginable amount of time.”
“...I see…”
“But I also know… what it feels like to have someone cause an unimaginable change on your heart by just being in your life… so I wouldn’t blame you either.”

Shimiswans slowly stepped towards Ochi and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. Ochi felt his chest start aching and could feel his tears flow again. Shimiswans patted his head, stroking his hair until he could feel Ochi stop crying. He slowly let space come between them and adjusted their hands.

“I never showed you how to follow. It might take your mind off of things.”
“W-what if I start imagining you’re Taipeko?”
“...” he shrugged “It’s not the first time someone preferred Taipeko over me.”
“Hey… I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know…” he gripped his hand gently and took one step. “I know I’ll never be anything close to Taipeko is. I know I’m not your choice, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pretend, at least for a little bit...if it makes you feel better.”

Shimiswans slowly began to move and made sure to wait until Ochi could follow without being too nervous, once he was satisfied, he took out his phone and opened a music app before resuming. Ochi looked at Shimiswans who had a far off, glazed look in his eyes. He felt bad for telling him he might imagine it was Taipeko. Shimiswans had been gentle and slow and had chosen a slow song, he could feel his heart’s constant tremoring begin to fade and relax. His breathing keeping in time with the beat. Yet, his hands began to shake and was suddenly glad Shimiswans had a firmer grip. He could feel his vision cloud over with tears in his eyes as he briefly saw Taipeko’s face look at him worried before he felt himself fall down.

Shimiswans rushed over and checked his head and temperature. He sat him upright, leaning Ochi’s body into his arm.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d suddenly fall.”
“Hey...this is what you said.”
“What…?”
“This is a sad love...isn’t it? Something you can’t avoid… a love so irresistible… but it hurts you because there’s no happiness for you… the only thing closest to happiness that is…”
“The love you have for someone…”

Ochi looked at Shimiswans, suddenly understanding his emotions and thought process. The way he didn’t want to interfere because seeing someone was enough, even if their happiness couldn’t be interlocked or shared, it was a happiness in a very sad sort of way.

He turned his head and looked at Shimiswans directly in the eyes, a last tear finally making its way down.

“A sad love… I understand it now.”