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The first time Taehyung realised that he was fucking gay was when he entered his first relationship with a girl he met at a club he couldn’t remember the name anymore. They clicked somehow, until the girl asked for his number causing them to have plenty of dates outside. The both of them flirted so much, and he thought that she was the right one until they shared their first kiss after he asked her to be his girlfriend, or to be precise, first making out session of the male with a female.
It was disgusting, the kiss was. Not the girl per se. He didn’t say anything about being grossed out about the kiss thingy but it bothered him for three weeks. Good thing it was somewhere between summer vacation and the female needed to visit her hometown. Taehyung thought that the negative feeling was temporary so he didn’t insist a break up, giving it a shot because he wasn’t in favour of breaking Joohyun’s heart. It didn’t subside, though. Instead, it freaked him out every day resulting for him to deny his ex-girlfriend’s existence to his bestfriend when asked if he was already dating someone and he answered a, nah.
After a month of suffering in his sexuality crisis, Taehyung ended their relationship with a long ass text message. Joohyun was mad, of course. Who wouldn’t be. She was in pain. But the male knew so well that he wasn’t happy at all and he needed to let go if wanted to find the real happiness in his life. The female didn’t deserve him either because if they continue their relationship, the love of Taehyung for her would be a solid fabrication. That wasn’t what he wished for when he saw his parents undying love with each other in their wedding tape he used to watch when he was ten. It might bring disappointment to his family when he comes out but he chose this. He chose happiness, and being just himself. That was enough. He would give them time to adjust.
Taehyung did come out to his parents during his 20th birthday. The moment was still vivid in his head. He was straightforward about it, taking his mother’s hand in his. He looked at her with those kind of eyes he had when he was a toddler pointing out he liked the pokemon plushie and his parents must bought that or else, he would bawl his eyes out in public. Her mother saw it coming, and assured him to say what he had in his mind because he should sleep early to come back to his dorm tomorrow. His father just watched silently, as if he had known it all well already and they were waiting for him to expose it.
I’m gay, but I’m not sorry about it. He remembered smiling as he travelled his vision to his father back to his mother. Taehyung watched dozens of coming out videos by random youtubers and that was where he gained confidence a little since he was pretty confident about telling the truth anyway. You’re gay but you’re still our son. I love you, Taehyung. We love you. That was where tears started spilling out from his eyes tending him to bury his nose at his mother’s knuckles and cried so hard like what he did when he broke the vase in a museum which costs more than his life.
“Watch out.” Taehyung stopped zoning out, blinking his eyes as he was lost in trance and his java chip drink was already warm against his palm. “You’ll trip if you don’t pay attention.” He sought where the voice came from, and he looked around to his left and to his right also behind but there was none tending him to get some chills because was he being trailed by a ghost?
Then he heard someone heaved a sigh. “I’m here,” He followed the voice’s direction and he saw a cute yet attractive freshman getting up from his knees while bracing dozens of books close to his chest. The freshman looked very annoyed, and very irritated. “And bye.” His tone was bitter, and the latter made it clear that he didn’t desire to further their conversation. In short, he hoped Taehyung would just shut the fuck up.
However, Taehyung was pretty much certain he wouldn’t want to let this guy go.
“I’m Kim Taehyung.” He introduced, the corner of his lips lifting up to form a friendly smile. “I’m majoring in Computer Science. What about you?” He asked carefully, not wanting to let the freshman off of from his hook.
The freshman narrowed his eyes at Taehyung, it was disrespectful but he didn’t care for a while because this kind of attitude attracts the shit out of him; bratty, and difficult to read. Perhaps, Kim Taehyung had always been fond of tsunderes.
“Fuck off.” And the freshman rolled his eyes in a sassiest way, storming out of Taehyung’s sight.
God, Taehyung was in love.
Taehyung heard from the malicious gossips that his name was Jeon Jeongguk. He was majoring in dance, and his best friend was Jung Hoseok. It was very fortunate, really. Why? Since he and Jimin were an actual bros for life and Hoseok was Jimin’s cousin, he could just force his best friend to persuade Hoseok to introduce him to Jeongguk or rather provide some details about the youngest. Not that he was being a stalker, he was curious about the freshman who told him to fuck off despite of the fact that everybody swoon over Taehyung’s charms.
“Tae, I know you’re gay as fuck but leave the poor child alone.” Jimin warned with a pat on his shoulder once he demanded that he wanted to see Jeongguk’s perform. “He’s not that friendly, you know.”
Taehyung craned his head to the side to have a better view of Jeongguk behind the porcelain window, sweating and panting loudly after dancing to Shape of You choreographed by Lia Kim. And oh boy, he was so fucking hot and sexy without even trying hard. “As if you’re not gay yourself.” He snapped, earning an eye roll from his best friend.
“I’m demi sexual, best friend.” Jimin announced like it was the first time he had said it to the taller male. “And I happened to be attracted to Yoongi.”
“I know that.” Taehyung whispered, suddenly feeling envious about the relationship of the two. At first, they thought Yoongi was straight as uncooked pasta but when he released his mixtape, they both lost it and concluded that the pale-skinned rapper was pansexual. “Do you think I have the chance?”
Jimin smiled softly. “We’ll see. Just don’t do stupid shit, Taehyung.”
That was the day his best friend pulled him inside of the dance practice, and Jimin murmured to his ear that don’t scared the shit out of the kid because he was not out yet from his comfort zone. Jeongguk was okay to be with but it was hard to gain his attention and trust if you first meet him. The moment the said kid transferred his gaze to Jimin to ask something about popping, their eyes met and Jeongguk looked surprised and caught red-handed from a crime he didn’t even commit.
“Jeonggukkie.” Jimin called out, ushering him to come over and the latter did so. “Meet my best friend. He’s-“ He was cut off by the younger sharp tone.
“Kim Taehyung.” He hissed, gaining a wide smile from Taehyung. “What the fuck do you want from me?” Jeongguk rasped out, water bottle in his hand cracking by his tight grip.
Jimin and Hoseok was about to say something about manners but Taehyung was quick to lean in and inched his face closer to Jeongguk’s with a sly not-so-friendly smirk. “You, baby boy.” He declared, and he wasn’t blind not to notice how the younger male’s cheeks dusted with dark reddish shade. Before he could comment about it, Jeongguk was also quick to push him away.
“Fuck off.”
It was more like, catch me if you can.
And that’s what he did, obeying Jeongguk. He wasn’t fool, but maybe he was a fool in love. Once his mother called from Daegu asking how was he for the past few days, he suddenly mentioned that he was in love and his mother cooed telling Taehyung to bring the pretty boy to their hometown if he was lucky to have pretty boy as his boyfriend. The word boyfriend sounded surreal and foreign, because to start with, he had never had a boyfriend in his life and Jeongguk could be the first relationship he would have and if he was luckier, the last one.
Taehyung wanted a serious relationship, not just a fling one or a company from someone else.
He was like a bug, to be honest. He felt like following and trailing behind Jeongguk was the most absurd idea ever but what he could do if he was extremely smitten over the boy although he could get from the younger was a silent cold treatment or swearing cold treatment if the latter existed. He would give the younger a strawberry milk drink every time his class was over and sometimes, the drink was rejected and sometimes, there were days Jeongguk would grab it from his freezing hands with a reason I forgot my wallet, don’t get your hopes high or don’t wanna hurt your poor heart. Every after class, Taehyung would also stand outside the dance studio and watch the younger behind the windows with a proud smile shoot to Jeongguk. And when the younger male was done and ready to come home, Taehyung would fetch him off and walk him all the way to his dorm.
“Taehyung.” Jeongguk exhaled one last night after his practice, his bag slung around his shoulder.
Taehyung swivelled his around and waved a hand, smiling. “Yeah?”
Jeongguk swallowed thickly and scowled nastily. “You’re an idiot.”
And then he was off.
This chasing continued for two months not until Taehyung got busy with his schedules and Computer Science ain’t no easy.
Even as much as he’d like to annoy the younger, he couldn’t do it because projects piled up. Their professor was a fucking sadist, honestly. He had even given them a task to write ten essays about the topics he had provided for his class which made the students groaned in frustration. They couldn’t complain though, because they were students and they needed to graduate in order to gain money. It wasn’t like; complaining would change his sadist professor’s mind.
Taehyung contemplated about it too, you know. Perhaps, if he was gone for a long period of time, Jeongguk would take the initiative to have a communication with him. Perhaps, the younger would realise his efforts when he was gone for a while giving him an opportunity to long for the older male. Just having a thought of it stimulated Taehyung’s stupid square grin.
However, he was so so so so wrong.
Jimin told him about it beforehand. The younger was hanging out with his new buddy named Yugyeom and he seemed having fun with the said new buddy. His best friend also informed that Jeongguk was all smile with Yugyeom, it felt like the boy earned the younger’s trust easily while Taehyung was away. He tried not to be bitter about it when he attempted to witness if his best friend’s information were true which turned out it was. Taehyung could feel his heart shattered bits by bits every time he scanned Jeongguk’s smiles with Yugyeom, and he didn’t even know when the tears came spilling out from his eyes.
Taehyung even had the audacity to walk pass them, frantically wiping the tears rolling down from his cheeks with a heavy heart he couldn’t carry alone not until someone grabbed his wrist and made him stop on his tracks.
It was Jeongguk.
“Hey, dumbass.” He greeted. Fuck, Taehyung wasn’t really in the mood to mess around the younger.
Taehyung shook away the younger male’s hand as if the younger disgusted him. “Let go.” He snapped and Jeongguk flinched beside his friend.
“What’s wrong?” Damn it, Jeongguk sounded like he was worried.
He faced Jungkook even he looked hilarious now. Taehyung dared to glare at him with a blank expression on his face while the tears sat in his eyes. “Just fucking let go.”
Jeongguk let go.
And Taehyung hoped he did the same way, too.
Nevertheless, feelings weren’t easy to remove from your system. You couldn’t just forget the person you loved for the first time just because of jealousy. You couldn’t just push away the feelings you have for them when on the other hand; they didn’t care even for a single shit. It hurt so much, Taehyung always cried every time he had the free time do so. He bawled his eyes out when he was writing the essays, thesis and typing a code for a fucking program for their project.
“Hi, best friend.” Jimin slid his butt against the empty space beside Taehyung at the cafeteria. “What are you up to?”
Taehyung sighed heavily, shutting off his laptop for a moment and enjoy his lunch. “I’m trying to move on, best friend.”
The smaller male shot him a disgusted frown. “That fast, man? It’s only four months, exactly.”
“Not exactly.” Taehyung corrected him with a frown as well. “Fucking four months and three weeks.”
“Damn it, Tae.” Jimin pursed his lips into a flat thin line before munching on his burger, chewing slowly on it. “He misses you a lot.”
The taller male shrugged his shoulders, playing with his utensils. “He doesn’t care about me. It’s unrequited, Jimin. Google said,” He pauses, stretching his arms above his head. “First loves never work out.”
His best friend looked at him incuriously. “If you have your way, it would work out.” Then an irritated grumble could be heard at the background. “See it for yourself. Visit the dance studio around 5’oclock. Creep in, don’t make a noise. See it for yourself.”
And then Jimin fled, leaving his best friend with confusion.
Taehyung was a good listener, and even how outrageous how he looked like to follow his best friend’s advice despite of the fact he was at the stage of moving on he gave it a try. He did what Jimin exactly said so last hour ago at the cafeteria although his mind was still hazy about how he could make his program work steadily without getting too many bugs to fix.
However, the moment he stepped his foot in the dance studio, a sniff purposely made him halt on his way inside.
“Who the fuck he thinks he is,” The voice sniffed, rummaging through something he couldn’t comprehend. It was dark, alright. The lights were turned off. “He’s an asshole. Is he a fuck boy? Does he only want me as a time killer?” This time, he heard him whimpering as if he was injured badly. “Well, fuck him. I’ve started to love him ever since the day I called him idiot. The fuck, he’s a fucking idiot. I can’t even, I want to kick his ass.” Taehyung’s heart skipped a beat, not yet daring to come forward to approach the owner of the voice.
“Or maybe, I should plot a murder plan. Oh yeah, ignore me for a month? Not even giving me a timid hello when he passed by?” He mocked a laughter directed to himself, voice cracking as he cried so hard. “Fucking let you go? Fuck this shit!” He yelled in frustration, and Taehyung swore he heard him slam his fist against the wall tending him to wince.
“Fuck you, Taehyung.”
Oh fuck, he was fucked.
“I wish you would rot in hell, I fucking hate you.”
Goddamned fuck.
Eventually, he could hear Jeongguk’s booming cries and exasperated sobs. Taehyung suddenly felt his eyes flooded with tears as well not even minding the noise he made when he choked on his own saliva. He batted his eyelashes and fresh new tears spilled from his eyes. The scene unfold was unfathomable but he couldn’t just stand in here like a fucking statue just because he was overwhelmed with shock and incertitude.
Taehyung turned the lights on, and Jeongguk immediately got up from his seat with his swollen eyes.
They stared for about two minutes before Taehyung cleared his throat, walking towards the younger male with a slight smile across his features.
“Hey, Guk.”
A slap on his chest.
“How are you doing?”
Another slap on his chest.
“You look so pale,”
A hard slap on his chest again, Jeongguk’s lips trembled.
“I missed you.”
And Jeongguk latched himself onto the older male while whispering curses and declaration of loathness he felt for Taehyung.
Taehyung wrapped his arms around the younger male’s waist, rubbing soothing circles on his back. He pushed Jeongguk’s head forward under his chin and dug his nose into the sweaty hair of the latter. He still smelled nice, like those babies who’ve just finished playing under the hot weather. Jeongguk grabbed a fistful of his shirt and bit onto his lower lip to restrain his sob to be heard again saving himself from embarrassment as he hugged Taehyung firmly as if his life line depends on the embrace they were having as of now.
“Taehyung,” Jeongguk murmured, eyes were glossy.
His nose crinkled when he answered a quiet, “Yeah?”
“I love you, hyung.” The corner of his mouth quirked up, Taehyung could just die here and there with the confession he thought he would be the first one to make. Jeongguk looked shy as he squirmed a little under Taehyung’s hold; he looked hesitant to confess because he was scared the older male moved on already but fuck that. He wanted Taehyung, he wanted Taehyung in his life and that wouldn’t change.
“I love you too, baby.” Jeongguk let out a soft sigh of satisfaction, recognition dawned on his face. “Will you go out with me?”
A flush crept up the younger male’s face. “As in boyfriends?”
Taehyung chuckled, and the younger male whined when he didn’t respond hastily.
“Be my boyfriend.” Jeongguk’s eyes twinkled, nuzzling his nose at the older male’s neck as he nodded twice.
“Boyfriends.”
Taehyung glanced up at the ceiling with the widest smile could rival the sun. “Boyfriends.”