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"You're not my first love," Ritsu muttered into the cool 2:47 a.m. breeze, "but I wouldn't trade you for the world."
Gently, like picking up a takoyaki with a hair-thin toothpick, he held up Spork to the moonlight. God, the way the moonlight glinted off the prettiest of inwards curved tines. "Spork, my love, you're the best of both worlds."
Ritsu woke up in a cold sweat. No, no, it was just a dream it was-
Quickly he checked Spoon was where he last left it. There Spoon was, sleeping soundly as atoms in a superconductor below critical temperature. He breathed a sigh of relief, and breathed a few more times to clear his mind. "I'd never. I would risk my life for this spoon."
Blanketed in the self-confirmation of his love for Spoon, he went back to sleep.
The next day, he went to school, as you do. In class, he kept staring out the window from his protagonist-esque seat.
"Kageyama," called a voice. Ritsu violently snapped out his worry and hit his head on the window sill. He rubbed his head while listening to his classmates' laughter. "Please stop daydreaming, whatever your problem is. The only problem you should be worried about right now is the one on the board."
"Y-Yes, Mrs. Kawana. I'm paying attention now."
Mrs. Kawana narrowed her eyes but moved back to the whiteboard. Ritsu never failed her subject anyway, but in this world there are more firsts than just love.
Ritsu was quiet at dinner, and even while straightening out his brother's fork he looked like he was having not much fun with it.
"Are you okay, Ritsu?" his mother asked. "Maybe you've got a girl problem?" she smiled. Ritsu's father chuckled.
When Mob went to Ritsu's room after dinner to ask, Ritsu just gave him a curt smile and said he wanted to do his homework. A shame Takenaka isn't in this fic.
The next day, Ritsu encountered a spirit on the way back from school. This one wore a... bun? On the top of their head. They were squinting quite a bit, as though they couldn't see whether it was a troubled teenager or just a small depressed adult who was having a bad hair day.
"Uh, h-hey," the spirit called out meekly. "Are you okay? You look... not happy. Like," the spirit gestured to their face, "like you have a resting bitch face but instead of resting it's very restless."
Ritsu's hand twitched, eager to get rid of this busybody, but restrained himself, remembering that tumblr post that said "WWSKD (What Would Shigeo Kageyama Do?)" and instead saying, "I'm fine."
The spirit grinned. "You're like a schoolgirl who's crush just got a girlfriend. But I won't probe. Instead," the spirit grinned even wider, "I'll lend you a hand."
With this, the spirit snapped their fingers and vanished.
Not feeling any change, Ritsu went home. It was probably just messing with him. "I'm home," he called.
"Eh, Ritsu?" his mother's voice called from the kitchen. "When did you go back out? And you haven't changed your clothes yet?"
Ritsu scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion but said nothing. He walked to his room and opened the door.
"AHHH WHAT THE FUCK?!" yelled a vaguely familiar voice from his room. It was dark and he couldn't see anything. Ritsu fumbled for the light switched and turned it on.
There was another Ritsu in a mustard coloured shirt and shiba inu patterned pants. He clutched a foreign, non-spoon utensil in his hand.
Original Ritsu dropped his school bag in shock. "What the hell, man?! Who are you!?!?!?"
"I-I'm- What? Another me? What the f-"
Original Ritsu shook his head in disbelief. "Is- Is that a SPORK?!" he yelled.
Other Ritsu glanced from Original Ritsu to the spork in hand. "Yeah, duh! I broke up with Spoon a week ago! If you were really me, you'd remem-" Other Ritsu didn't get to finish his sentence due to a fist connecting with his jaw. He dropped the spork but caught it with his telekinesis and quickly put it in his pocket.
"What was that for?!"
"You-" Original Ritsu gulped. "You BROKE UP WITH SPOON?!"
"Well excuse me I found someone- You know what?" Other Ritsu aimed a kick to Original Ritsu's head, but his foot got stabbed by the spiky hair. Other Ritsu withdrew his foot as fast as he raised it, stepping back and clutching it.
Original Ritsu steeled his mind. Even if this was some shittier version of him he had no connection with, he still had to teach him a lesson!
Immediately, Original Ritsu hopped on the bed and dropkicked the still-pained Other Ritsu. His kick connected with Other Ritsu's shoulder for a brief moment before Other Ritsu's fist slammed into his hip, making him lose balance and topple hard on the floor. As Other Ritsu advanced towards him, he swept his foot across the floor and Other Ritsu toppled over on top of him. Spork tumbled out of Other Ritsu's pocket. Reflexively, Original Ritsu threw out his hand at the utensil, grabbing it in midair. He could feel the metal collapsing under his telekinetic grip when-
Suddenly, he was alone. No alternate universe version of himself, no Spork, just his normal, quiet, darkening room. He heard his mother's voice and footsteps outside his room.
"Shige, do you know where Ritsu is? He-"
Ritsu opened the door. His mother screamed.
"Don't scare me like that! When did you come home? And why are you still dressed in your uniform. Hurry up, it's almost time for dinner."
All Ritsu did was grin sheepishly and closed the door. His demeanour shifted to a vague panic, and-
Oh, thank god. Spoon was there. Spoon his one and only love. Spoon, the one he would never leave.
It was his Spoon, and he was his own self.