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So here's the thing, Jensen's graduated, he's leaving for college in a week and he's going to be a grown up. Jensen's a fucking man, okay?
So it's completely ridiculous that he should be getting misty eyed packing up his room. It's a good room, yeah, and there're a lot of cool things in it that he wont be able to take with him but it's just stuff. He's not supposed to give a shit about stuff.
His phone beeps.
I can hear you crying like a little bitch from over here. Smoke?
Most of the time Jensen wishes he weren't friends with Chad. Now isn't the time for that.
:::
“So you know I'm leaving on Saturday right?” Chad asks, gesturing with his joint.
Jensen nods, doesn't think about it. Logically, he's known all summer what's going to happen. Chad's going to college down south, Danneel's going to Europe for a year and the rest of them are so fucking pathetic they're all going to Carlston together, couldn't even man up enough to leave the state.
Jensen's having a difficult time imagining life without constant Chad.
He reaches over and pats Chad on the shoulder, “I'm not very happy about this dude.”
Chad knocks their beers together and tips his head to rest on Jensen's shoulder, melancholy in a way Jensen didn't think Chad was capable. Jensen pats him again, he's not heartless.
Chad looks up at him, eyes all watery, “You'll look out for them both right, make sure they're okay.”
Jensen winces, pained. “Of course.”
Chad nods, shrubs a hand over his face and pulls himself together, “It's probably better this way anyway, y'know?” he says, “They can be together for real now.”
And okay, one of Jensen's signature character traits is how much of a massive asshole he can be but this. Hell no.
“I know you don't think you've been standing in the way of that,” he says.
Chad shrugs, takes another toke, “Everyone's always standing in the way of something. Just never mattered before.”
Jensen watches smoke curl. This is more depressing than packing.
:::
Mrs. Padalecki lets Jensen in with a smile and nods for him to head up to Jared's room. Jensen has kind of an awkward truce going on with Jared's mom. She pretends she has no idea what exactly he and Jared get up to together and Jensen pretends to be a stand up kid whenever Jared's dad is around. No one even mentions telling Jared's dad the truth. About any of it.
Jared's standing in the middle of his room, surrounded by boxes and trash bags full of ugly clothes.
“I assume you'll be tossing that out,” Jensen says, nodding to Jared's old football jersey.
Jared startles a little but doesn't miss a beat, “You assume wrong,” he says, hands on his hips making his shoulders look broad and perfect for climbing.
“But I thought you liked being with me,” Jensen teases, shutting the door behind him and moving closer.
Jared rolls his eyes, “I figured you'd want it. So you could wear it around campus, make sure everyone know's whose girl you are.”
Jensen kicks him in the shin before leaning up to grab his hello kiss.
“Hi,” he murmurs against Jared's lips, lets their tongues slide together a little.
Jared drapes his arms around Jensen's shoulders, holds him close, “Hi yourself,” he says. “Everything okay?”
Jensen nods, “Yeah. It's just a lot. Packing up, moving.” he pulls away with a sigh, “You know Chad's leaving the day after tomorrow?”
Jared picks up one of the shirts on his bed and sits down, balls it in his fists, “Yeah. Brock and Josh too.”
Flopping down next to him Jensen huffs, “It sucks. I miss high school.”
Jared laughs, pressing a hand to Jensen's belly and rubbing, “You hated high school.”
“Not all of it.”
“You liked your friends and me. None of us are going anywhere.”
Jensen makes a face, “Except Chad and Danneel.”
“You'll still see them,” Jared points out, perfectly reasonably. “They'll still be your friends. Nothing's going to change.”
Only, Jensen isn't feeling very reasonable. He's feeling like the world is about to shift out from under his feet and he doesn't know what to cling on to.
He gets to his feet, shoving Jared away when he reaches for him again. “Everything's going to change. College is. It's not here, it's not my life.”
Jared sighs, leaning back on his hands and looking tired. Jensen has that effect on people. “What do you want me to say?” Jared asks. “Different doesn't have to mean bad. We'll still have each other.”
Jensen kicks a box childishly but it doesn't move. He needs to get out of here.
“Jensen!”
He ignores the shout, ignores Mrs. Padalecki fluttering around in the hallway and flees.
He's not going. He's not going.
:::
He sits under the broken swing set in the playground behind the book shop until the shadows grow long. There's salt in the air, he can hear the surf crashing it's so quiet in the summer. He wont be able to smell the ocean at college. There wont be a broken swing set at college.
Jensen's aware that he's pathetic, okay? Fuck it.
He doesn't hear his mom coming because she's a sneaky bitch like that.
“Your dad used to bring you here,” she says, sitting down beside him.
“I know.”
Donna looks away, she dyed her hair red last month and it looks like it's on fire in the sun.
“So Jared called me,” she says. “Said you freaked out again.”
Jensen huffs. Fucking typical. “I really wish he'd stop doing that.”
“It's not my fault he likes our chats.”
Jensen ignores her, scratches at the dirt with a stick.
Donna elbows him, “What are you really upset about? Because college will be fine once you're there. I know you know that. And you hate this town.”
“No I don't,” Jensen bristles.
“Jensen, what are you really upset about?”
“I'm not upset.” He sounds upset, but that's just because this conversation is stupid.
Donna just looks at him, he can feel her looking. He stabs at the ground with his stick.
“I'm going to miss you too, you know?” she says, more quietly than usual. Quietly enough that he glances over at her.
She looks sad, not old or tired or fed up, but just like she isn't happy with this either.
Jensen rolls his shoulders, “I'm not going.” It feels good to say it out loud.
“Of course you are. Jared's going.”
“I don't actually have to do everything Jared does you know?”
Donna slings an arm around his shoulders and tugs him in closer, “You're going to kick ass at college,” she tells him softly, “You're going to be amazing. You already are.”
Jensen feels sick. Actually sick.
“That isn't.” He doesn't know what that isn't.
She curls her free hand around the rusted frame of the swing set, taps at the flaking paint, “Sometimes shit happens before we're ready for it. That's just life.”
Jensen watches the sun slip away, lets his mom hug him. It's not that he doesn't like his life, it's just that it's big.
:::
Jensen wakes up with Sophia draped across his chest, he's sweating everywhere their bodies touch and she's snoring. Sexy.
All in all, it doesn't seem like an awful morning; there's sun filtering through his closed blinds, it's early enough that he can still hear his mom putting around downstairs and his hangover has definitely been worse.
He shuffles around until Sophia grunts and opens her eyes. She coughs twice and picks her head up a little.
“It's morning?” she asks, voice even huskier than usual and dry as fuck.
Jensen nods, flexing his fingers against her back because his arm has gone numb under her weight.
“I feel like shit.”
Jensen nods again, “That much whisky'll do that to you.” In all honesty, his own stomach is rolling a little too now he has chance to think about it. He should know by now that Sophia is the world's worst person to call when he needs cheering up.
She groans again and flops back on to his chest. “Fuck me.”
“I'll pass. Although you made a pretty decent argument for it last night.”
Seriously, she'd basically drawn up a chart.
Sophia screws up her face and cuddles in closer, “Gross. As if you'd even know what to do with a vagina.”
“And there go all my hopes of carrying on the family name,” Jensen's mom says dryly, coming in to the room with two mugs of coffee and setting them on the nightstand.
“My mother, ladies and gentleman,” Jensen addresses the room, “She's here all week.”
“I'm a riot,” Donna agrees, pushing at his shoulder until Jensen makes room for her on his other side. She's slips under the covers and sits up against the wall.
“It says a lot about you as a person that me finding a girl in your bed is simultaneously expected and not worrying.”
Jensen hmms, “Your parenting skills are first class,” Jensen tells her. “Do we have any aspirin? My head hurts.”
Donna ignores him, reaching across to stroke a hand through Sophia's hair, “Your mom called looking for you honey, I think you might need to head home today.”
Sophia doesn't react at all but Jensen knows there must be something going on, Sophia's parents never call.
“What's going on?” he asks.
Sophia grumbles, pushing her face into his armpit, “They found out about Chad and Milo.”
Jensen's reasonably sure Sophia's parents are normally too drunk to care about things like that.
“So they just wanted to make sure you were in bed with someone else?” Is what he actually says, because making fun of Sophia's drunk parents got old years ago.
Donna smacks him in the forehead, “You've got a smart mouth for someone so stupid.”
That makes Sophia laugh so Jensen lets it go.
They sit for a while, until Sophia finally sits up, pushing her hair out of her face.
“It's not a big deal,” she says, “Chad's leaving tomorrow, we're leaving next week. They'll have forgotten to be pissed by the time I get home.”
Her voice wavers every time she mentions Chad and Jensen politely doesn't comment.
Donna gets up, “Well as interesting as the incredibly fucked up love lives of today's youth can be, some of us gotta work for a living.” She heads to the door, “Kid, Jared's been sat on our couch for the last three hours waiting for you to wake up, put him out of his misery before he eats all of my food, yeah?”
Jensen watches the door close.
“You freaked out on him pretty bad huh?”
Jensen nods, “I guess so. I kicked a box.”
Sophia laughs, climbing over him to find her clothes. “I'm going to go home and get a lecture about giving it up too easy for all the boys. You can make it up to Jared with your dick, at least one of us should be getting some.”
“Is this always how you talk about me when I'm not here?” Jared asks, coming in and averting his eyes just a little too slow as Sophia pulls on her shirt.
She pats him on the chest as she passes, “Pretty much, hot stuff.”
Jared blinks. Jensen's not even sure he breathes again until she leaves.
“Should I be worried about the hard on you have for the lady in my life?” Jensen asks, because it's easier that apologising for being a total ass. And easy is always the way to go.
Jared shoots him a dark look. “I don't see tits very often okay? Sue me.”
“I feel like I should point out how very naked I am under this sheet.”
Jared's mouth quirks a little. “I'm listening.”
Jensen sighs. It's no good playing this game with Jared, it's too important.
“I'm sorry,” he says, “I shouldn't have freaked out and run off on you.”
Jared nods, “Keep going.”
For fuck's sake.
“I'm sad about Chad leaving and having to move and I'm worried things are going to change when we get to college.”
He doesn't look at Jared, can't, watches his blinds waver in the breeze instead.
Jared sits on the edge of the bed, not touching. “Things between us?”
“Between everyone,” he scrubs a hand over his face, “Chad thinks Soph and Milo will be better off without him, I have to leave my mom here alone, Danneel's going to be in a whole different country. I don't.” He's not going to cry, he has limits. “It's like I just got done putting together this really nice life, okay? And now it's over.” He flaps his hands a little miserably and feels small.
Jared shoves his way under the sheets and pulls Jensen up against his chest. “It's not over. We could be moving to the fucking moon and all your friends would still love you. I'd still love you.”
Jensen sniffles into Jared shirt. He hasn't been this emo for a while.
“I love you too.”
Jared kisses his hair, “I know. That's why I know this is going to be okay.”
They wind up fucking in the shower, cramped and wet and shoved up against each other. Jensen wouldn't say he feels better afterwards, but he can feel the ground beneath his feet again. Jared's cool like that.
:::
They say their goodbyes to Chad down at the dock, while his parents are busy unpacking the car.
“Remember what we talked about yeah?” Chad says, hand warm on the back of Jensen's neck, “I'll be up to check on you in a couple of months.”
Jensen bites his lip and nods, hugs Chad. He's going to miss the little fucker like hell.
“You're a good friend,” he says in the end, which is totally lame but Chad just rolls his eyes.
“I'll call you when I get there, Dad.”
Jensen curls up against Jared's side while Chad hugs and kisses Sophia, watches him cup her face between his palms and kiss her tears. It's not like it's over but it still feels like an ending.
Jared's hand curls tightly in Jensen's shirt when Milo and Chad part with a kiss. It's fast, blink and you miss it, but definitely there.
“I thought you said they weren't,” Jared hisses.
Jensen shrugs, “I never asked.”
And then Chad's leaving, boat pulling away, water churning.
“I don't know why I'm crying,” Danneel laughs, wiping at her tears.
Jensen doesn't cry. It's almost easier to deal with now that it's happening.
They head inland together, Jared's arm around his shoulders and the girls holding hands with Milo.
“I never thought I'd miss this stupid island,” Danneel says, not the only one still glancing over her shoulder even though the boat's out of sight now.
“Or that fucker,” Jared says, voice rough around the edges. Jensen tightens his arm around Jared's waist and presses his face against his soft hoodie. Jared's always warm, always big and strong enough for times like this.
Jensen lets Milo write Chad's name on his arm in marker that night and smokes more than even Chad could handle.
He has no idea when he started letting all these people in so far.
:::
They sit out on the main beach their last night in town, pebbles digging into their asses and smoke from the fire in their eyes.
Jensen hugs his own knees because Jared's hugging Danneel, and watches the surf.
“I'm going to miss all this,” Sophia says, “There's no beach at college.”
Milo's a little way away, on his hands and knees sifting through the rocks, and he looks up to call, “You want me to grab you a souvenir?”
Sophia pretends to throw a rock at him, “I've got plenty, thanks. I'm pretty sure Chad took a bottle of sea water with him.”
Milo wanders over, jacket pockets weighed down, “He did, I painted the jar for him.”
“That's even cuter now I know you two are fucking,” Jared says cheerfully, slipping off his jacket for Danneel so he can hug up on Jensen instead.
“Fuck you.”
Jensen wants to laugh but Jared's nuzzling into his neck, teeth nipping and he can't help shivering, turns his head for a proper kiss. Jared's mouth is warm, wet and salty and Jensen dips his tongue in for a taste, licks up the flavor of Jared until it turns into them.
He watches his final sunset before college with nearly all of his best friends and the love of his life on a beach by the Atlantic Ocean. Someone should be writing a book about this shit.
:::
Jensen's barely drifted off to sleep when his mom slides under the sheets beside him, all elbows like always.
“Jenny, wake up.” That blow to the ribs was definitely intentional.
Jensen jerks a little, moves over to make room. “What? I'm sleeping.”
She lies on her back beside him until he wakes up enough to watch the ceiling with her.
“Big day tomorrow.”
Jensen hmmms his agreement. Too big to think about.
“I'm not going to say I'll miss you, because this will still be your home.”
He rolls his eyes, “I know, mom. You don't need to cry about it.”
Another elbow. “Shut the fuck up and tell me you love me.”
He lets his temple rest against her shoulder, breathes her in, “I love you mom.”
They watch the ceiling until the room starts to brighten with another day. The rest of his life and all that.