Work Text:
Medicine school teaches you how to learn 2 physiology volumes in a fortnight , shows you how to handle delicate situations and it even makes you get over your fear of seeing a decapitated head on a table during your first year of university.
However it does not give you any advice if paranormal forces are involved.
And so Samantha was stuck with Tartuffe, a 2 inch red bodied imp sitting on her left shoulder, and Achilles, a winged robot of the same size as his companion, sitting on the right shoulder.
At the age of 35 and after 7 years of being in the medical area Samantha simply pushed away the idea of the 2 deities stating that she was either going mad because of the stress or someone had been playing a really long prank on her.
Though physically harmless, Tartuffe and Achilles sometimes interfered with Samantha’s career which made it impossible to reason with scared patients who thought they were dying.
„Just tell her to go sacrifice a goat and tell her I promise I’ll make her immortal. They always fall for it.” Tartuffe spoke.
„My analysis shows that there is a 67% chance the human sitting in front of you will exaggerate the diagnostic. It also shows that the human will go home after you tell it its results and search for much worse symptoms.”
Wide eyed, Samantha tried to concentrate on the poor woman’s voice as she was telling everything that had happened to her in the past 24 hours.
“And then my cousin, who is a ghost whisperer, started reading some incantations and after that she told me that I would go mad unless I drank exactly 0,2 millilitres of ethanol.”
“You don’t say…” The doctor kindly spoke as the veins in her cornea screamed murder.
“Jesus.” Tartuffe uttered as he stretched his hooves.
Neither creature seemed to have had an impact on the tolerant doctor until years later when a certain incident almost turned into the opposite of her job.
„Get out of my way or I’ll smash your god damn face in I will!”
Samantha’s ears seemed to have picked up the thick southern accent accompanied by heavy footsteps well as a panting woman with the same voice as before was approaching the patient’s room.
Samantha looked over the medical file again.
Damien Green. Age 21. Involved in a car accident, high alcohol levels found in his bloodstream, presumably it was his first time drinking legally and decided to have more than enough.
„Damien! Oh, Damien!”
Imploring as if about to start reciting a sonnet, the woman approached the wounded’s bandage covered face and started to analyse it.
„What happened to him?” The red faced female spoke.
„Car accident. Fortunately he is in stable condition. Just a few more investigations, some administered medicine and injections and he might be on his feet again in no-„
„Medication? My boy don’t need no medication, he needs God.” The woman abruptly interrupted Samantha, taking out a plasticized photo of a saint.
“Hey! I know that guy!” Tartuffe remarked as if about to jump from the shoulder and rip the image to pieces.
“Another deity similar to us? My database shows no information of such.” Achilles intervened.
“He sits at the entrance of heaven like oh look at me with my big staff, I’ll show you a staff-“
“Tartuffe, it is inappropriate to speak such words with a female human present.”
“I’ll say whatever I want, you tinfoil piece of trash.”
Trying to regain her train of thoughts Samantha attempted reasoning with the woman.
„Ma’am, that’s silly, his bones won’t heal as fast unless we administrate him calcium and all the other vitamins.”
“Silly? I’ll show you silly when you burn in hell for throwing all these random things into people’s bodies.”
A storm of thoughts soon followed again.
Tartuffe: “50 bucks says she’s going there before anyone else.”
Samantha: “Ma’am.”
Achilles: “I suggest aborting the mission as there is a 78% chance of the event leading to violent repercussions.”
Woman: “You think I don’t know what you’re doing to all the patients? I watch TV, I know everything!”
Samantha: “Madam.”
“AND I KNOW GOD WILL HEAL EVERYONE IN THIS HOSPITAL WHILE ALL DOCTORS WILL GO TO HELL WHERE THEY DESERVE.”
Tartuffe: “Uh, oh.”
Silence filled the room as the vicious tornado of words had ended.
Literally feeling her brain stem explode, with macabre bloodshot eyes Samantha walked next to the bed and without thinking pressed her finger on the IV perfusion tube which pumped the fluid into Damien’s body, stopping it from flowing.
After 3 seconds of complete stillness the heart monitor started going insane with beeping sounds as the almost lifeless body started convulsing in the white sheets.
“What’s going on?! What are you doing?!! DAMIEN! STOP IT!!”
Mere seconds passed as her slender fingers let go of the perfusion. She leaned her knuckles on the bed to look at the benevolent woman on the opposite side.
And with frost dead words she spoke:
„Where’s your God now?”