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Derek never expects Stiles to say it. To even feel it for that matter. Stiles feels something for him, but he isn’t sure what label would fit best. Sure, Derek knows Stiles is deeply fond of him, is affectionate and kind, and is pretty much Derek’s best friend. They have so much history and a hard-earned respect for one another, one that Derek had fought against nearly every step of the way. Derek knows he’s been in love with Stiles for a while now. He also knows he’ll never act on it.
There’s something comforting in knowing himself well enough to recognize what is happening. The fact that the rest of the pack knows too isn’t really of any consequence. They’re Scott’s pack, not Derek’s. Even that doesn’t mean much either. Isaac is far too loyal (and far too familiar with loving someone from afar) to say anything. Allison just smiles at him and touches his shoulder, silently giving him her sympathy and support when he watches Stiles walking away. Danny asks questions Derek doesn’t know the answers to. Questions like ‘how long’ and ‘what is it about Stiles that you love’ and ‘how are you planning on telling him’. Danny knows Derek hates pity and made sure to never ask that last question again. Lydia tells him to keep Stiles safe and happy, even if that means doing nothing, staying friends. The twins keep quiet, still finding their place in Beacon Hills and unwilling or just too disinterested to form an opinion. Scott initially gave Derek his provisional blessing, layered with the expected warnings, and now follows Allison’s kind example with supportive smiles and a comforting hand on his neck.
None of it means anything though. Because Stiles won’t say anything. The years have changed him, matured him. He no longer runs headlong into situations with only his wit, courage, and the occasional baseball bat for protection. He doesn’t talk as much anymore, but Stiles sees so much. Derek would even say Stiles sees more than ever. Definitely more than anyone wants him to at times. Always analyzing and cataloguing and deciphering situations and picking people apart through what they say and leave unsaid, their actions or lack thereof, and especially through their silences. So yes, Derek feels fairly confident that Stiles knows.
It’s a feeling that’s quiet and warm, a smoke that filtered into his blood and settled heavy in his limbs. It curled up in his heart and filtered into every thought. It’s comforting and peaceful. Peace is something Derek desperately needs. He sometimes thinks he needs it more than he needs to be loved. And he’s pretty sure that’s one of the reasons Stiles doesn’t say anything when they’re sprawled together on the couch, watching movies or sitting with their heads bent together while researching and softly arguing ideas and theories. If they hug a bit longer, a pull each other in a bit tighter, it’s okay. It’s always been okay.
***
Stiles knows what his pack needs, gives them each a different part of himself. Stiles knows Derek better than anyone else and knows exactly when things changed. He watched the process. Saw how Derek would shift closer to him whenever he was in the room. Saw Derek stand a little taller when Stiles would ask for his opinion. Felt his heart break a little every time Derek tried to pull back from them and felt it swell every time he’d return the smiles sent his way. He witnessed the moment Derek had his epiphany and realized he was in love with Stiles. It was a lazy day and nothing special had triggered it. It was like a curtain had been pulled back and Derek’s eyes had widened a bit, lips pulled up just the slightest bit, and his shoulders relaxed like a heavy weight had finally broken free. Stiles had bitten his lip to keep from laughing in joy.
He knows he loves Derek and would happily give anything, give everything to make him happy. If that means a clap on the shoulder after a long night hunting, Stiles gives him that. If it means sharing his bed and his body, giving Derek his heart, he would give them over in a heartbeat. And if it means waiting forever, Stiles can give Derek that too. Even if Derek is never ready to reach out and take what Stiles wants to offer him, that’s okay.
Stiles knows. And if Derek just needs the quiet times they share and to know that Stiles will always support him, hold him, be anything Derek he needs, Stiles can do that. As much as Stiles wants to know what Derek’s lips taste like, how it feels to run his fingers through his hair and down his back, as much as Stiles wants to see bruises on his hips the exact shape and size of Derek’s hands and feel the raw tenderness on his neck from Derek’s stubble, he knows those aren’t necessary. They already have each other in every other way.
So they keep not moving forward, settled comfortably in each others lives. Stiles has his hopes but he doesn’t need them to come true. He has Derek, in every way that truly matters.