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HE IS A COWARD, he has always known this to be true ever since that first day that AGENT GALLO found him again, arguing with his teammates over the BILLS, ever since he had a MELTDOWN over not being able to solve the problem with the planes and PAIGE found him in the parking lot.
( ‘ you just give up when it’s not going your way . ’ )
THAT MUCH WAS TRUE. he was scared and he didn’t know how to deal with that - OH GOD, IT HURT and he didn’t know how to deal with that, feeling something so strongly.
FEAR, LOVE, FRUSTRATION, PANIC, JOY - all of it. Why couldn’t he just be numb? It would be so much EASIER, so much more EFFICIENT.
And he’s scared of showing WEAKNESS more than anything - he does not wish to give words as tools to destroy his heart.
Deep down he knows they lied to him in order to PROTECT HIM - but it is of little effect when it is they, they who he cares so deeply about, are the ones he must shield himself from.
It’s especially HER that he must shield himself from.
He’s learned that he truly does feel love for others - he wants them to be happy, unburdened by HIM because he is terrible, awful, in the emotional sense of the words. that’s why he gave Paige the tickets, so long ago that was his own way of telling her how he felt.
( he loves her, and he loves her despite the ENVY he still feels deep in his form, memories the jealousy eating away at his soul when his gaze had alighted upon the one she’d chosen over him. )
But to be OUTED like this, made a fool of himself around his entire team for MONTHS unknown - and his recollection of the rocket is still all-too fuzzy, but he can remember those words.
( ‘ I LOVE YOU TOO, WALTER . ‘ )
And he remembers the second KISS, but oh, it was not truly a kiss — the memory of the first one still echoes in his mind and it’s there because he loves her.
And that is why he lets her go.
She pities him, he knows - perhaps she had loved him once, but that sentiment is gone now. He’s a fool for chasing that ideal even still. She has priorities, a son to take care of - Ralph doesn’t need them anymore, as much as Walter likes to pretend that he does.
And he knows that he loves Ralph too. It’s an odd sentiment, considering he never wished to be a father, but he thinks of the kid like a son. In dreams, he'd entertained ideals of the three of them being a FAMILY. ( what a ridiculous notion now, with the way things were headed. )
And he lets her go. He’s surprised, at this point, that he’s managed to hold back the tears despite his claims of feeling NOTHING. He wants them to have a good life, a bright future not constantly risking their lives for some STUPID GENIUSES who don’t even know how to say ' i love you ' in a way that doesn’t HURT.
He just can’t bear it right now - seeing her every day, seeing them all every day, they're suffering and he’s suffering and there’s too much pity.
( and so he sets her free from all this, from this CYCLONE of despair he’s dragged her into. )
He does not dare let himself cry until he’s alone again.