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His hand searched clumsily for his phone, sliding over the oak expanse of the bed-side table. Fingers collided with the device and he brought it to his bleary eyes, squinting in the stinging light of the display, and swiped the screen bitterly with his still sleep-weakened thumb; promptly silencing the cheerful alarm. The wallpaper of his home screen was a photo he’d taken a few weeks ago of Ben, Rae, and Breha playing in the surf of the Atlantic during their vacation. Breha, with her red-gold hair pulled back into pigtails and Rae’s wild wavy black hair pinned back with a butterfly clip. Each were screeching with glee as Ben grinned lopsidedly, displaying the jellyfish he’d caught in their purple pail. Hux felt his stomach tighten with anxiety and groaned in denial as he gazed at the time and date in the corner of the screen. He dropped the phone to the carpeted floor and pulled the duvet back up over his chin trying to dissolve back into the mattress. He didn’t want to face today.
A rustle, followed by a warm hand slipped along his side and gathered him against a firm and swelteringly hot chest. “You never snooze.” Ben mumbled as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of Hux’s neck, laying a sloppy kiss along his pulse. “Feeling alright?”
“No.” Hux sighed, but found comfort in the warmth and pressure of Ben’s embrace. “Heartsick.” He added, turning in Ben’s arms to look into his familiar brown eyes.
“Hmm.” Ben hummed sagely. “They’re going to be just fine, Tage. Better than fine. So relax.”
“I know. It’s irrational.” Hux agreed, though he was unable to dissolve the ache in his chest.
Ben kissed Hux once more, this time accompanied by a suggestive thrust of his hips. “There anything I can do? To take your mind off it?”
“Hmff. Stop that.” Hux swatted Ben, wanting to be cross but failing as a smile crept along his lips and his own arms wrapped around Ben’s shoulders. He buried his face into the fold of Ben’s shoulder and basked in the heat Ben’s body offered.
“Oh, you don’t mean that.” Ben replied playfully. His hand came up and cupped Hux on the chin, wearing the same lopsided grin he’d had in the photo. Ben tucked Hux’s red fringe behind his ear and let his hand linger against Hux’s jaw. “You sure? Because, I think it would be mutually beneficial.”
“You’re insatiable.” Hux teased, leaning in for a kiss and humming appreciatively as Ben deepened it. Some of the tension and anxiety drained from his shoulders as Ben guided his shoulder back and pressed him flat against the mattress, only to clumsily roll on top of him. Ben straddled his hips and peppered his collarbones with quick kisses. “I’ve got today off. We’ll finally have some time alone together.”
Hux sighed and dragged his fingers through Ben’s hair. “That’ll be nice.” Hux agreed, as he arched into Ben’s teasing hands.
“What will we do with all our time?” Ben asked dramatically, with a roll of his hips and taking Hux’s earlobe between his teeth.
“Mmmn, I can think of a few things.” Hux answered, losing himself in Ben’s touch, which was traveling under the hem of his flannel pants.
Between hungry kisses, exploratory hands, and the rustle of sheets they heard the distinct creak of a door from down the hall. They froze, sharing the heated air between them as they strained their ears. Both hoping it was only Millicent, but the discernible footsteps coming down the hall were undeniably bipedal in origin.
Hux groaned and flopped his head back against the pillows, willing away the heat Ben had inspired in his veins. Ben chuckled, kissing Hux once more before rolling off of him and back to his side of the bed. “See, there are some advantages of them being away for a few hours a day.” He joked.
Hux could only sigh with a mix of frustration and agreement, as they listened to the quick pitter-patter of naked feet slapping against hardwood grow louder before the bedroom door creaked open.
“Daddy?”
“Good morning Pumpkin.” Hux answered, propping himself up on his elbows to look toward the door where Breha stood, hair woefully disarrayed and freckled arms clutching at a wriggling Millicent. Breha’s face split into a grin of pure joy as she scrambled into the room and to the bedside.
“Is it time to go to school?!” She blurted in a rush, squeezing Millicent closer to her chest in her excitement. Millie redoubled her efforts to escape.
“Soon.” Hux answered, smiling. “Why don’t you let Millie down pumpkin, you’re holding her too tightly,” he suggested, finally composing himself enough to sit.
“Sorry Millie.” Breha apologized, setting the orange tabby down. Millicent made a quick escape back through the open door and out onto the landing as Breha made to climb up onto the bed. Her little hands clutched at the duvet as she hoisted herself up, feet finding a foothold in the crease of the mattress and boxspring. Hux helped pull her up and deposited her between himself and Ben. “Daddy? Is Dad still asleep?” She asked, cautiously toeing at the large lump that concealed Ben, who was pretty convincing in his pretend slumber.
“Let’s find out, shall we?” Hux said mischievously, as he encouraged her nearer to Ben. Part of him felt bad by helping lure her into the trap, but still a bigger part of him thought it was hilarious. “Go on, tickle him.”
Breha looked back at him knowing from past encounters what would happen, but Hux offered his most encouraging nod. Emboldened, she turned back to Ben, crawled nearer, arm outstretched, her little fingers grazing Ben’s shoulder and- Ben pounced with an accompanying “Arrrgh!”, scooping Breha into his arms and beginning to tickle her feet. Breha’s surprised shriek quickly turned into peals of laughter as she futilely kicked and flailed.
Hux couldn’t contain his own laughter as he watched the two.
“Daddy?” Hux looked back to the door to see Rae, startled by the anxiety he heard in her small voice. Her dark eyes appeared red and puffy and her voice sounded tight. “I don’t want to go,” she proclaimed with a trembling lip. They had discussed school at length, for weeks now, and only last night Rae had seemed amenable to the concept. It seemed her mind had changed in the night, however.
Hux’s heart constricted painfully. “Oh sweet pea,” Rae’s lip trembled more violently, “come here.” Rae wasted no time, dashing into Hux’s open arms. The giggling fit was somewhat less shrill as Hux pulled Rae up into his lap and held her close, running a soothing hand through her hair and then over her back in tight circles, shushing her sniffling sobs. Hux met Ben’s eyes and they shared a silent exchange of emotion. Hux, heartbreak and concern. Ben, the lingering humor of tricking Breha and reassurance.
“Don’t cry Rae,” Breha said, still hiccuping with laughter, but noticing her sister’s distress now that she was released from Ben’s tickle torture. “School’s going to be fun.”
Rae sniffled and frowned back at Breha. “I’m NOT crying!” she lied, angrily.
“You are too,” Breha asserted, frowning.
Rae’s mouth opened to argue but Ben was determined to dissolve their fight before it got a footing. “Alright, girls.” Ben said abruptly, sitting up and getting out of bed, stretching his arms wide above his head. “Who wants pancakes?”
Both girls attention immediately snapped to Ben, argument forgotten. “I DO!” they chimed in unison.
“First one downstairs gets to mix the batter,” Ben said, bending over and picking a crumpled t-shirt from the floor.
Tears forgotten and driven by the heat of competition, Rae enthusiastically wrenched herself from Hux’s arms. The girls clambered over each other in a rush to get off the bed and run downstairs, bumping into each other as they reached the door frame.
“No shoving!” Hux called after them, fixing Ben with a stern look of disapproval. “If they break their legs falling down the stairs…” He trailed off, leaving the threat open.
Ben chuckled and shrugged. “Sorry, babe,” he said, somewhat chastised. He pulled the wrinkled t-shirt over his head before leaning down and giving Hux a quick peck on the cheek before striding from the room to leave Hux alone and exasperated. Hux showered, shaved and dressed quickly before making his own way downstairs to the kitchen.
He paused in the doorway, taking in the scene that greeted him. Rae, the apparent victor of the race, was clumsily whisking the pancake batter and Ben had Breha slung over one hip, her small hands clutching a half-full package of blueberries. Ben looked up at Hux and smiled before pressing a kiss to Breha’s cheek and setting her down. “Coffee?” he asked, pulling a mug down from the cabinet.
“Please,” Hux answered, making to lean against the counter as he finished buttoning his shirt.
Ben grabbed a second mug that read ‘Best Mom in the Galaxy,’ a gag gift Phasma had given Hux a few Christmases past. Hux would have found the mug offensive had it come from anyone other than Phasma… but since she had offered and then adamantly insisted on being their surrogate when he and Ben had begun talking about starting a family, the humor wasn’t lost on him. Ben poured a generous amount of dark roast coffee into the mug and handed the steaming contents to Hux, who took it gratefully and swallowed a large gulp of the too-hot liquid, before Ben filled his own cup.
“Dad?” Breha asked.
“Yeah pumpkin?” Ben answered, looking down at her.
“When do we add the blueberries?”
“Not until we pour the batter on the griddle,” he said, looking over at the aforementioned cookware, which had a medium flame already licking its cast iron bottom.
As if on cue, Rae stopped her mixing. “All the clumps are gone, Dad.” She announced proudly, tottering on the stepstool to show Ben the mixing bowl.
“Excellent work, Rae!” Ben praised, taking the bowl from her. “Thank you, that was very helpful.”
Rae puffed her chest out, preening.
“I wanna help too!” Breha whined, pulling at Hux’s pants.
“It’s almost your turn.” Hux assured her, watching Ben pour the batter out into generous rounds, setting the griddle to sizzling.
“Comm’ere you.” Ben said, motioning Breha over to the stove. “Careful, it’s hot.”
“I know.” Breha said absently as she was once again hauled up into Ben’s arm to drop fistfulls of blueberries into the bubbling batter. Hux enjoyed watching Ben cook with the girls; he was always exceedingly patient with them and Breha and Rae loved it. They were always so eager to ‘help’. Though at the moment Rae was beginning to fidget from lack of attention. Hux abandoned his coffee on the counter.
“Rae, do you want to help set the table?” Hux asked.
“Yes!” She agreed, hopping down from the stool.
Hux reached for the plastic plates in the cabinet behind him and handed four to Rae. “Here you go.” She snatched them from his hands and trotted off to the table. Hux selected four forks, butter knives and napkins before he followed her. He handed her the silverware after she had plopped the plates down at each chair, and ignored the perfectionist in himself as she set the forks to the right of the plates and the knives to the left. “Do you want orange juice or milk?” Hux asked, leading the way back around the breakfast bar.
Rae thought hard about it. “Orange juice,” she decided.
“Do you think you can grab that from the fridge and put it on the table by yourself, or do you want help?”
“I can do it,” she said, already marching off to open the fridge, she only just managed to clumsily reach the container. Hux took four glasses from the cabinet and followed Rae back to the table, snatching his coffee again as he passed. Rae set the cups down by each plate.
“Lovely job, sweet pea,” Hux assessed, patting Rae affectionately on the shoulder.
“Grub’s ready.” Ben announced, tipping the last pancakes onto a large plate. “Girls, grab the butter and syrup, please?”
Rae and Breha rushed to do so as Ben carried the plate to the table, setting it neatly down in the center.
Hux sipped his coffee and sat across from Ben, surreptitiously rearranging his knife and fork as Ben moved a couple of the smaller pancakes to the girls plates and a short stack of the irregularly shaped pancakes to Hux’s and then his own. Breha climbed up onto her chair with the butter and Rae with the syrup. Both looking very pleased with themselves.
“Will you cut mine Daddy?” Rae asked, eyeing the seemingly large pancake that was set before her.
“Mine too?” Breha parroted.
“You know how,” Hux kindly objected, beginning to cut his own pancakes into pieces. He noticed that the blueberries were, endearingly, all clumped in the center having been plopped rather than sprinkled into the batter.
“I like it when you do it,” Rae mumbled, swinging her legs over the edge of her chair, disappointment clearly painted across her face.
Hux didn’t miss the tight lipped smile of Ben’s as he restrained himself from interjecting, but kept busy by buttering both of the girl’s pancakes. Hux caved and pulled both of the girl’s plates toward himself and set to cutting the pancakes into equal bite-sized pieces while Ben poured their glasses half-full with orange juice.
“Mine too, Daddy?” Ben asked, obnoxiously, no longer able to restrain himself.
Both Breha and Rae thought the request was hysterical, and both began giggling and added bemused cries of “DaAad!”
Hux snorted. “I think you’ll manage,” he said, pushing the now cut pancakes back to the girls and taking up his fork to stab at his own.
Breakfast was enjoyed in relative silence, though Ben did ask Breha to sit at the table ‘like a lady and not with her feet on her chair’. After eating and clearing the table they sent the girls back to their room to get dressed for school and Hux sent Ben up to shower. He shooed him from the room with a playful smack to Ben’s ass, leaving Hux alone to work on washing the dishes.
By the time Hux placed the final rinsed plates and utensils in the dishwasher and set the appliance to wash, the girls were bounding back down the stairs. Breha was sporting a new heather grey jersey tee paired with her favorite blue tulle skirt and Rae was pulling nervously at the hem of her new violet and yellow floral print dress.
“Look how beautiful you both are!” Hux said, kneeling down before them and tossing their still messy hair. “How do you want me to fix your hair today?” he asked, standing up again and making to climb the stairs, both girls in tow.
“Can you braid mine like a mermaid Daddy?” Rae asked, clinging to the railing.
“Sure, sweet pea.” Hux said. “And you pumpkin?”
“I want hair like Aunt Rey!”
“Of course.”
The girls followed Hux into the guest bathroom and Hux lifted them to sit on the counter before fishing a few hair ties, a spray bottle, and a comb from the drawer.
“You first, kiddo,” he directed at Rae. “Spin around.”
Rae obeyed, hunching forward and resting her chin in the palms of her hands, humming the tune All The Pretty Little Horses , the song Ben sang to them by popular demand each night as he tucked them into bed. Hux dampened her dark hair and began to gently work out the tangles. Breha joined in with the humming and Hux joined in as well, separating Rae’s hair into equal sections and beginning to plait the strands together to form a practiced fishtail braid.
“Which elastic do you want?” he asked as he was nearing the end of her hair. Rae bent over the hair-ties that were strewn across the countertop and selected a bright purple one which she offered over her shoulder. Hux fastened the ends with the elastic and patted her back.
“That’s you done.” he said, turning his attention to Breha as Rae turned to wave her legs over the edge of the counter top.
Hux was aware of the water turning off from down the hall as he was beginning to work the tangles from Breha’s hair and the girls had moved on to humming The Gartan Mother’s Lullaby , Hux’s own well worn song request each night. He happily joined in with the words as he began to work on Breha’s second bun. He didn’t look up from his work when Ben leaned up against the bathroom doorframe and silently listened to them finish the song.
“Time to brush teeth,” Ben declared as Hux finished Breha’s hair. The girls reached for their toothbrushes and held them out to Ben to dispense toothpaste.
Hux leaned in close to Ben, maneuvering out to the now-cramped bathroom. “Do you have this from here? I need to grab the camera.”
Ben nodded and kissed Hux on the forehead as he squeezed past. Hux went back to the kitchen, taking a moment to pour more kibble into Millie’s dish before he grabbed the canon DSLR camera from the countertop. He flipped it on to check the battery and slung the device around his shoulder before putting together the girl’s lunches, which he slipped into their backpacks by the door. The earlier anxiety from this morning began to bubble up again as he zipped the backpacks closed and pulled them down from the coatrack to sit near the girls’ shoes. When he turned back to face the living room wall his heart tightened.
The wall in question was covered with photos of the family, mostly Breha and Rae. Mostly candid. Hux walked nearer to look at them all again. All the memories. The time they had taken the girls to the zoo, Rae giggling as they fed giraffes crackers, Breha looking disgusted by the purple slimy tongue laving the treat from her fingers. Last Christmas, wearing matching pajamas and playing in the sea of wrapping paper. Swinging at the park, riding an elephant, playing hopscotch, first swimming lesson, first haircut, birthdays… bringing them home from the hospital. They were so tiny. Hux gingerly traced the contours of their faces, his throat tightening uncomfortably as he fought back the swell of emotion. He heard the gang stomping back down the stairs and he sniffed and blinked back tears, trying to compose himself. It wouldn’t do for the girls to see him upset. With a deep breath he turned around to greet them by the door and helped pull their shoes on. Ben and Hux helped the girls shoulder their backpacks and Ben grabbed the keys from their bowl before they stepped out onto the front porch and into the pleasant August morning.
“Alright you two, let’s get a picture.”
Used to the request, since Hux was always taking photos, the girls happily stepped nearer each other and looked up at Hux, smiles plastered on their faces. Hux snapped a few photos of the girls together before turning to Ben and gesturing that he should join them. Ben stooped down and picked both of the girls up. They slung their arms around his neck and giggled as Hux took a few more. Ben set the girls down and took the camera from Hux. Breha and Rae already had their arms outstretched, ready to be snached up. Hux lifted them into his arms, though the task was becoming more difficult with each passing day, and turned to face Ben. He didn’t much care for photos of himself, but he smiled nonetheless as Ben began snapping them anyway.
“Okay, we don’t want to miss the bus,” Hux said, after the fifth or sixth click of the camera.
“One more,” Ben insisted, coming around to Hux’s back and setting his chin on Hux’s shoulder, pressing his cheek against Rae’s, and wrapping his free arm around Hux’s shoulder and Breha, holding the camera up awkwardly with the other. “Say ‘We love Daddy’!” Ben said. The girls sing-songed the phrase and Ben clicked the photo. “Alright,” Ben said stepping away. “To the bus!”
Hux put the girls down and watched them hurry to the front gate. He and Ben followed closely behind.
“Stay on the sidewalk.” Hux reminded them as they opened the gate and began racing out of their cul de sac. Ben bumped Hux’s shoulder and took his hand, twining their fingers together as they walked. The stroll to the entrance of the subdivision was a five minute walk away but this morning it felt like thirty seconds. Before Hux was ready they were waiting outside the gates, watching the flashing yellow caution lights of the school bus approaching from a few blocks away.
“Is that the bus Dad?” Rae asked, drawing closer to Ben’s leg and taking a hold of his pants.
“Mmhm.” Ben hummed affirmatively, reaching down to cup her shoulder and hold her nearer. “You’re going to like school, Rae,” Ben told her. “You’ll make friends, and learn all sorts of things.”
Breha was bouncing with joy, watching the bus’s lights flick off and continue down the road. The lights flashed again and the bus slowed, brakes squealing, before it stopped before them, and the doors unfolded to reveal the rubber coated steps and a friendly looking woman with long black hair.
“Good morning!” the driver called, giving them a bright, toothy smile.
Breha was already moving forward to get on the bus, pulling Hux along. Rae was far more hesitant.
“Good morning,” Ben answered, walking toward the bus with Rae plastered to his side.
“And who do we have here?” the driver asked, turning in her seat to get a better look at the girls.
Breha spoke up first. “I’m Breha! And this is Rae,” she said cheerfully, pointing at Rae.
“Well, it’s very nice to meet you Breha, and you too Rae. My name’s Miss Jessika, but you two can call me Jess. Alright?”
Breha nodded enthusiastically and tugged against Hux’s hand, wanting to get going.
“Hug before you go,” Hux said, kneeling down and pulling Breha into a tight hug and kissing her on the forehead. “I love you. Have a good day at school, alright? And be nice to your sister.”
“I will Daddy.”
Ben took a knee also and hugged Breha, placing another kiss on her cheek. “Love ya kid,” he said. “Knock ‘em dead.”
Breha giggled and began to clamber onto the bus.
“Now, you,” Ben said, turning his attention fully to Rae. “Daddy and I know you are going to really love school. So don’t be afraid now.”
“You’re going to do great sweet pea,” Hux said, scooting nearer to Ben and Rae and pulling her into a hug. Her little fingers clutched at his starched shirt and she squeezed her arms tightly around his neck.
“Why can’t I stay home with you?” she asked, not slackening her grip.
“Because you’re growing up kiddo, and someone needs to make sure Breha stays out of trouble,” Ben supplied. “Do you think you can do that?”
Rae hesitated, but then nodded, pulling away from Hux. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and stood up, hands in pockets. Ben was giving her a kiss on the cheek and steering her around to face the bus. With one uncertain glance back over her shoulder she began to climb. They watched as she took a seat with Breha in the third row, both their faces pressed against the glass. Both waving. They waved back as the doors folded closed once more and the bus pulled away, and watched it until it made a right turn and disappeared from view.
Ben slipped his arm around Hux’s waist and pulled him close, nose burying itself into his red hair. “I love you.”
Hux melted into Ben’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “I love you, too.”
They took a moment, adjusting to the quiet before pulling themselves together and making the trek back to the house. Hux wondered if he should rush back to the house, get in the car and follow the bus... just to be sure the girls arrived safely at school, but Ben’s soothing hand wrapped around his own reminded him of what Ben had told him only hours earlier. The girls were going to be fine. Better than fine.
As the two turned back onto their street, Hux paused, taking a deep breath. He leaned into Ben and before his mind caught up with his mouth he said, “I think I want another baby.”