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Annie stared down at her cold hands. She took in every crease, scratch, and mark of the skin as she sat on her bed in the room she shared with Dumb and Dumber. It was quiet; Bert and Reiner had gone out to look for food, leaving the girl to her thoughts in the remotely located house. She didn’t bother to check if the doors were locked, no one ventured miles near here, in the middle of the woods. Even if they did, she wouldn’t have cared.
Her thoughts were dangerous to be left alone with, because as she wandered into the recesses of her mind, she would catch herself drifting to the same viscous memory: killing Marco Bodt. It was still vivid in her mind, fresh, really. She remembered how she did it, down to the last detail.
It had been after the battle in the warehouse, when all the members of the 104th banded together to kick titan ass in a blaze of glory. After everyone had dispersed and gone outside to take care of the rest with their newly refilled supply tanks, Annie had been resting while awaiting further news from Bertholdt or Reiner, either of which were due there at any second. But before they had a chance to make an appearance, Annie had been cornered. Three 15 meter class titans had spotted her and all decided she was an easy meal at the same time.
Sure, Annie could have easily taken them all out with a simple scrape of her thumb across her sharp teeth, but she didn’t dare risk transforming in public, lest the plan she and her comrades had been plotting for years be for nothing. Without warning, she heard a familiar voice call her name. Upon turning to look, Annie saw Marco, sweet, kind Marco, flying in on his 3D maneuver gear towards the group. He had managed to swing in and attack the first titan of the trio, chopping a hunk of flesh clean off its neck. But that was were it went downhill. On his way to take out the second one in his path, the third titan smashed him into the hard brick rooftops of the nearby buildings.
Annie watched, speechless, as both titans made their way towards the freckled adolescent. She made a move to grab her own 3DMG, but something inside her told her to stay there.
"Annie! P-Please help me!" Marco screamed as the titans moved in on him. But Annie just stood there, eyes wide open, and stared at the scene unfolding in front of her. She held no ill will towards Marco, of course not. On the contrary, Marco was one of the few people outside her trio of friends that she actually tolerated, even liked to some extent. He had always regarded her silent intimidating nature as one of solidity and calmness, unlike the usual ‘bitch with an attitude’ most people assumed.
And yet, despite her genuine admiration and all around appreciation of him, she still stood there and watched a titan bite him in half, his eyes staring directly into hers all the while. She could see the pain in his eyes, the betrayal. She could almost hear him saying how could you?
The titans never did finish him off, being distracted by Levi coming around and cutting the backs of their knees. They chose to follow him, dropping Marco to the ground like a ragdoll. Annie thought about the remains of Marco’s body, the image still burned into her mind.
But that wasn’t even the worst part.
Not only had she sat and watched one of the kindest people she’d ever known get mutilated, she had proceeded to walk over to him and strip him of his 3DMG, knowing in the back of her mind that she would find use for it. And she did.
Weeks later, she had used it as a decoy during an inspection, after Hanji’s captive abnormals had been slain. It was evident someone in the ranks had did it by the precision, but the search came up cold. Annie had covered her tracks well, it seemed.
She held no grudge against her elder Hanji either, but she knew she had to get rid of Sonny and Bean. She couldn’t afford her crew learning any more of the titans’ secrets, her own secrets.
It took her months to tell Reiner and Bert about what happened, and by them the memory was so numbed in her mind she had told it to them like a fairy tale, feeling no remorse whatsoever. So that was it. She was a terrible person. She was the scum of the earth. She was unworthy of being called a human.
But isn’t everybody?
Everyone from the military police all the way down to the garrison was just as guilty as she was, in a sense. What makes human life any more precious than titan life? After all, they had no idea if titans had emotions, or thoughts, or if they could even feel pain, and they still went ahead and massacred them one by one. She wasn’t trying to defend the titans, far from it. She wished they never even existed, that they wouldn’t have caused her this much grief ever since she was born. But still, she deluded her growing guilt with training, and made excuses to herself left and right.
Inside, though, she still felt like absolute shit.
At that moment, her ears perked up at the rustling downstairs. For a second she thought it may have been intruders, lost in the woods, but after hearing a hearty laugh that could come from only Reiner’s mouth, she relaxed a bit. She turned back to look at her hands, the hands that could have, should have, but never did. She didn’t even bother to look up when Bertholdt entered the small bedroom, carrying his mud soaked boots in one hand to not get the floor dirty and upset her.
"Annie, dinner will be ready soon. How much parsley do you want in your…are you ok?" Bertholdt noticed her saddened form mid-sentence, and upon hearing no reply he walked over and sat down on the bed with her. Ever so gently, he slid a hand onto her waist, testing the waters to see if she wanted to be touched. Seeing no present sign of danger, Bertholdt continued until he had Annie in between his legs, which were in a cross-legged position. His arms rested on her waist, and she melted into him, letting her eyes slip shut.
Just when Bertholdt thought that her distress had been because of hunger, he heard Annie let out a sob. He looked down at her face, tears now beginning to caress her pale cheeks. Bertholdt had no idea why she was crying, but continued to hold her shaking form close, waiting patiently until she was ready to talk.
After several minutes, Annie had calmed down enough to rest on Bertholdt’s chest and let out a small string of words.
"Bertholdt?"
"Yes, Annie? What’s wrong?"
"I am a sinner. I don’t deserve your kindness. I deserve to die, in the same way Marco did. I deserve to die. Marco didn’t. I did."
Bertholdt immediately knew what this was all about. He had comforted Annie about the haunting memory before, but he had never seen her cry over it.
"No, you don’t, Annie. You deserve to live. Your sins do not define you and your worth-"
"I am a sinner! I killed him, Bert! I’m a monster!" Annie shouted at him, tears welling up and threatening to fall again.
Bertholdt took her face in his hands and let her arms cling to the sides of his sweater tightly as he kissed her tears away.
"All monsters are human."