Chapter Text
“Hey, Logic! Logic!” Patton charged down the hallway, his cardigan flapping and his arms waving wildly (even after Logic had turned and waited for him to catch up).
“Salutations Morality. What may I- would you stop waving your arms, please?”
“But I’m so gosh darn excited!” Patton did however stop waving his arms, though he continued to bounce on his heels like a toddler on a sugar high. “Kay, you’re super smart and observant and stuff, right?”
Logic straightened his glasses and (subconsciously) puffed out his chest ever so slightly. “Yes, that would be an accurate-”
“Then do you know if Anxiety really has a crush on Prince?! Cause that would be so CUTE!”
Logic stood there, stunned for a moment, before offering a confused “Pardon?”
“Well, I haven’t seen them do it before, but the internet shows all these pictures of them hugging and kissing and stuff and there’s lots of stories about them being together and being a couple and even if Anxiety cries a lot more in them than he does the rest is really-“
“Morality, stop for just a moment.” Logic pinched the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses, trying to arrange the previous statement into something comprehensible. After a few cleansing breaths, he let out a final sigh and opened his eyes. “Morality, are you asking for me to confirm or deny the existence of romantic feelings that Anxiety may feel towards Prince?”
“Well if you want to get all wordy with it, then yeah.”
Logic, not for the first time, wondered at the mental structure of the cheerful, cardigan-clad personality in front of him. “Foremost, I was under the belief that emotional relationships were more of your expertise. And second, though I have minimal knowledge on romance, I believe a baseline of liking one another is necessary for the construction of any more complicated feelings.”
“See, that’s the thing! Most people like the people they like, but sometimes people DON’T like the people they like.”
“That was an incredibly contradictory statement.”
“It’s like this. If kids have a crush on each other, they act like they can’t stand each other. Boys will steal things from girls so that the girl has to chase after them. And then the girl either catches the boy and kicks him in the leg, or gets tired and sits in the grass and cries until the boy throws back what he took, saying it was “too girly” anyway. Basically, the boy wants the girl’s attention, and doesn’t care if it’s good or bad. Some people don’t grow out of that mindset.”
Logic, though still skeptical, was at least starting to follow Morality’s jumbled line of reasoning. “And you are now unsure as to whether Anxiety’s behavior towards Prince is honest dislike, or if it’s this convoluted form of affection?”
“Exactly!” Patton beamed. “And even though I’m Thomas’ emotional side, I was getting pretty confused trying to figure it out. But you’re good at organizing things and making stuff make sense. So, could you please, please help me figure this out! Cause some of those pictures were adorable!”
Logic paused. He knew that if he were to decline helping Morality with this, Morality would don his “pouty face/bambii eyes” combination (which held absolutely no influence, by the way), and then would proceed to follow him, sniffling, until he would concede to helping, due to it mathematically being faster to help than to continue being debilitated (and NOT from any feelings of guilt, mind you). Morality was still looking at him with that heartbreakingly hopeful look on his face, hands clasped over his chest in a silent plea. There was something about that face, about seeing Morality so genuinely excited about something that cracked his inner rationality and made it difficult for Logic to refuse (a response he was sure came from a highly logical source).
“Very well Morality, I will assist you in this rather unconventional research opportunity-”
“YAY!” And suddenly Logic found his arms pinned to his side as a very enthusiastic Morality embraced him, nuzzling his face into Logic’s chest. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”
“-though we have to agree to approach this as analytically as possible.” Logic wheezed. “We have to be vigilant that we not perceive false emotions that do not exist. Also, we must let matters lie if your theory proves incorrect, and not attempt to fabricate the desired emotional outcome.”
Morality finally released his grip on the other side, still beaming. “Well of course! It wouldn’t be true love if we made it happen-”
“DID SOMEONE SAY TRUE LOVE?”
Both Logic and Patton turned to face the charismatic royal who had appeared in front of them in his typical, dramatic pose. Prince missed the flash of panic that crossed both their faces in lieu of raising his arm theatrically and passionately began exclaiming, “Indeed, there is nothing more sought after nor treasured; no feeling or possession so yearned for, as the bonding of two souls in true love.” Prince’s eyes seemed to glaze over for a second, before snapping back to the two personalities. “And, why, my good sirs, were you discussing this sublime matter?”
Logic stumbled, his mouth suddenly incapable of producing anything more than base human noises. “Ah. Erm. Um-“
“Well, Logic here told me he didn’t understand why there were so many versions of the same emotion, and how it was all illogical and whatnot. And so I was trying to explain to him what makes being in love different from regular love.” Logic had to admit, Morality had responded in a remarkably fast and believable manner.
“Ah, Logic. With all your knowledge and intellect, you should have known that I would have been the ideal source for matters of the heart.” Prince continued. “While one can experience affection for a multitude of people, true love is something that one experiences once in a lifetime. True love is the burning, eternal, love of those two beings destined for one another. It is the physical, mental, and emotional bonding of two souls into one. One’s soulmate will help their strengths to shine as brightly as the sun, and will help one overcome any weaknesses in their lives or in their hearts. A soulmate is a perfect, glorious being that will satisfy every need and desire their partner feels. Why-“
“Sorry to destroy your Disney-tinted illusion Princey, but what you’re describing is a temporary feeling of infatuation mixed with unattainable ideals.” Anxiety approached the group, hands stuffed deep in his hoodie and eye shadow dark as ever.
“Anxiety! You would go so far as to declare to my face that true love does not exist?!” Prince’s face quickly flushed in anger as he pointed an accusatory finger at the personality.
"If by true love you mean finding some sap whose sole existence revolves around treating you like a god, then no, it doesn’t.” Anxiety sneered.
“BLASPHERME! You insult the good name of true love, and I cannot allow this to continue!” Prince drew his sword, charging at Anxiety. “BEGONE FOUL BEAST!!!”
“Woah woah! Prince, there’s no need for that!” Patton jumped in between the two, hopping back and forth to keep the fanciful personality from spearing Anxiety like a shish-kebob.
“Indeed. There is no need to impale anyone, let alone a key member of Thomas’ personality. We are here for a discussion on a topic that has no one solitary answer.” Logic turned towards Anxiety, who was busy smirking at the enraged Prince over Patton’s shoulder. “Anxiety, what is your perception on what is termed ‘true love’”?
“First off, any kind of love, ‘true’ or otherwise, isn’t going to pop into existence the second you see someone’s face. You actually have to get to know the person; you can’t just sing a musical number, or spend a ball together and call it love. And love definitely isn’t a sugar-spun utopia of joy. It involves work and pain and tears and there’s no guarantee of a good outcome.”
“But of course there will be a good outcome!” Prince called over Patton’s shoulder, desperate to have his voice heard over Anxiety’s negativity. “When two people are meant to make each other happy, how can there not be?”
“That’s the thing Princey. No one is meant to fall in love with someone else. No one has to fall in love, or wants to fall in love, or even can fall in love. And let’s be honest, some people will never be able to get anyone to fall in love with them. If you aren’t ‘interesting’, or ‘attractive’, or ‘good’ enough to get someone’s attention, then you’re just one of the millions of people on this planet who will never be worth loving.”
“How could you have such deranged ideas on such a pure subject?” Prince was no longer aiming to skewer Anxiety, but instead was staring at him with some deranged form of despair. “Love is so beautiful, and everyone deserves to experience it.”
“Well sorry Princey, but hardly anyone gets what they deserve.” Anxiety sauntered forward until he was looking straight up into Prince’s eyes, grinning in a way that showed far too many teeth. “For every ‘Happily Ever After’, there are a hundred more broken, mangled unhappy endings. There are people who love someone with everything they have, but no matter how they try to change to be what the other person wants, their feelings will never be returned. All they have in front of them is heartbreak, depression, and a worthless existence. And they could be considered the lucky ones. Better off than the people who are beaten and abused every day by their ‘true love’, right? And don’t forget every hope filled marriage that’s ended in a divorce that scars every person who’s human enough to still have a heart.”
“No. No. NO!” Prince’s voice quickly rose, and suddenly Anxiety was being shoved into the wall, Prince’s fingers buried deep in Anxiety’s hoodie. “I refuse to believe in such a desolate reality. I know that true love is out there, and it’s for everyone!”
“Boys, boys, please don’t fight!” Patton begged, looking desperate as Prince continued to yell in Anxiety’s face. Anxiety’s grin was still in place, but Logic could see his hands beginning to shake. Logic had just stepped forward to do, well, something (he wasn’t completely certain what) when he noticed a change in Morality. Hunched, begging shoulders straightened, worry and panic were replaced with authority, and a hand straightened the knot in his grey cardigan. Logan immediately took a step back; Morality was going into what Anxiety called ‘Hard Core Dad Mode’.
“Roman, let go of Anxiety and back away, now.” Prince flinched at the tone, but didn’t immediately let go.
“Morality, he-“
“Don’t make me count to three.” Every side flinched at that, and Prince released Anxiety and backed off a safe distance.
“Prince, you have no right to attack any of us like that, no matter what. And both of you are entitled to your opinions. Now both of you are going to apologize, and go to your rooms to cool down. You may come out for dinner or if Thomas summons you. Now apologize.”
Prince stiffly turned towards Anxiety, still obviously cross but he seemed to be realizing that he might have gone a bit too far. “I, apologize, Anxiety, for assaulting you and wishing to impale you.”
“And for yelling at him.” Patton added, still glaring.
“…And for yelling at you.” Prince muttered, eyes fixed to the ground.
“Good. Now Anxiety.” Patton’s eyes softened, but remained firm as he turned to the other side.
“…Sorry.” Anxiety muttered. “Can I go now?”
Seemingly satisfied, Patton nodded. “Yes, you both may leave.” Prince began stiffly walking down the hall, while Anxiety opted to immediately phase to his room. After a few more seconds, Patton’s shoulders relaxed, and when he turned Logic found himself facing the Morality he was accustomed to. “Gosh, Logan, do you think I was too harsh? I don’t like doing that, but Anxiety was starting to panic and Prince was really angry and I didn’t want them hurting each other-“
“Morality.” Patton’s mouth immediately clamped shut. “You were… exceptional. My own ability to manage the situation was inadequate, and had you not been present I would have found myself at a loss.” Patton’s face immediately brightened.
“Thank goodness! But I still don’t want them to think I’m mad at them.” Patton frowned for a moment, before snapping his fingers. “I know! I’ll bake a batch of double chocolate chip cookies and take them to their rooms. That’s their favorite!”
“Unless I am mistaken, I believe double chocolate chip cookies are your preferred cookie.” Logic smirked.
“Well they should be everyone’s favorite! I’m going to go get started on them.” Patton turned to leave, but stopped when Logic grabbed his shoulder.
“Before you depart, I must ask. Do you still wish to continue with your hypothesis? I agreed to assist you, and I shall, but after that demonstration do you still consider any romantic feelings between the two of them a possibility?”
Morality paused, and seemed to be honestly considering his question. After a moment, a soft, kind smile donned his face. “I know it doesn’t seem likely, and I know it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but I just feel like there’s really something there.” Patton turned, smiling fondly down the hallway. “Those two kiddos are always pressing each other’s buttons. It wouldn’t surprise me if most of it is just habit at this point, and part of me doubts that they’d even realize it if they did like each other.”
Logic nodded. "Very well, I will leave you to your endeavors. I will be finished teaching after four tomorrow, so if you desire to come by my classroom afterwards, we could continue this confab and formulate a proper scientific method to procure our results”. When Morality merely blinked, Logan attempted to rephrase. “Come by my classroom at four and we can further discuss this.”
“Oh! Well okay then. Well, better go focus on those cookies; I don’t want them turning out crummy!” Logic raised an unimpressed eyebrow, even as Morality began giggling. “Are you going to want any?”
Logic paused. “Well, brain functions are closely linked to glucose levels…”