Chapter Text
Clay is lying in bed. He can't sleep. He checks the time on his phone, which reads 1:33 a.m. He doesn't think he's been able to sleep the same since he started listening to the tapes. Maybe even since Hannah died. Sometimes he has nightmares, sometimes he just finds himself staring blankly at the wall in the late hours of the night, or was it the early houses of the morning? Either way, he finds it impossible to sleep, even though he's never felt more tired.
He listens to the faint sound of his dad snoring, and it was always his dad because his mom insisted she didn't snore. Clay figured it was best just to take her word for it. It was so quiet in the house, it was unnerving. Made him feel kind of panicky; everyone on the whole street was probably asleep by now, aside from Clay. No matter what, he always felt like he was on the outside of things. Everyone else just went on existing, and it was like he wasn't even there. He had begun to understand what Hannah meant when she said she felt alone. He did too. He puts a hand to his chest, feeling his heart pound underneath his fingertips. Sometimes he felt the need to check his pulse, just to remind himself that he was still alive.
He wants to stop feeling this way. This empty numbness. But he doesn't know how. He just tries to ignore it. He unlocks his phone, knowing he won't fall asleep anytime soon. He swipes through his pictures, figuring he'd delete some. He comes to a stop on one particular picture; it's of him and Tony. It was taken a couple of weeks ago, when they'd gone to an art show hosted at school, to see Skye's sculptures. They were dressed nicely, standing close to one another as they smiled at the camera. Clay's thumb rests over the picture, hesitating. He doesn't want to delete it, it's a good picture, so why doesn't he move on? Instead he keeps staring at Tony; Tony with his slicked back hair, blue button down shirt, impossibly warm brown eyes. His heart flutters a tiny bit.
Then his phone pings with a notification, jolting him out of his weird daze. It's a text message. From Tony.
Tony: hey, you still up?
Clay feels his cheeks heat up; like somehow Tony knew he had been staring at a picture of him just now. But that was impossible. He types back,
Clay: yeah, why are you? it's a school night
The reply is instant.
Tony: it is, which is why you should be asleep
Clay sits up in his bed, pushing his pillow up some, and settles back down, smiling slightly.
Clay: i can't go to sleep, im talking to you
Tony: haha. very funny. do you want me to go?
Clay: no. He waits a couple of seconds, then sends another message, i like talking to you
Tony: me too
He isn't sure what to say. These past few weeks, after the tapes had been released, he had been spending more and more time with Tony. It was different now that he wasn't just following him around anymore, urging him to listen to the tapes. He was hanging out with Clay simply because he wanted to. He found it so easy to be around him, like all the worry and anxiety he usually felt with other people just dissipated. He felt comfortable with Tony.
Tony: would you rather: be invisible for a day, or be able to fly for a day?
Clay smiled. This was a little game they'd been playing with each for awhile now, giving each other two scenarios and having to choose which one you'd rather do.
Clay: be able to fly, obviously. im already invisible. would you rather: work on cars for the rest of your life but never have a car of your own, or have your dream car but never be able to work on cars?
Tony: you aren't invisible to me. i guess i'd rather be able to work on cars. good thing i already have my dream car
Clay felt himself blush at the first part of the message.
Tony: would you rather: constantly trip and fall down, or constantly bump into walls?
Too bad Clay did both. He was the clumsiest person alive.
Clay: trip, because i know you'd always be there to catch me before i fall
Okay, where the hell did that come from? He felt panic rising up, as he anxiously waited for Tony to reply. Why would he say something like that?
Tony: always
They texted back and forth for a bit longer, beginning to ask each other even more ridiculous questions that made Clay smile and laugh. Eventually though, a little after two in the morning, Clay felt his eyes drooping. He tried to stay awake because he wanted to keep talking to Tony, but soon enough sleep won and he closed his eyes for good, phone falling from his hands to his chest, after Tony had just sent another text that said,
Tony: hey clay, can i tell you something? and promise you won't freak out