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Thor wasn't asleep yet when he heard his door silently being pushed open. It wasn't too late after all and he was already old enough to still be awake at this time. He stayed silent, listening closely to the person entering his chambers. Thor knew who it was, even without opening his eyes. Too familiar were the faint footsteps of his little brother's bare feet as he carefully tip-toed through the dark room towards the older's bed.
“Brother, are you awake?” The slight tremble in Loki's voice almost broke Thor's heart. He was about to sit up when he felt the younger's small finger tapping on his nose. “I am.” Thor opened his eyes, examining Loki worriedly. The raven-haired boy looked scared and he was shivering. Thor wasn't sure whether it was out of fear or because he was cold. “What happened?” He sat up, immediately reaching out to lift his little brother on his bed and pull him in a tight embrace. Loki's arms wrapped around his back as soon as their chests touched and to Thor's relief he no longer was shaking as badly as before.
Loki stayed silent though, simply pressing his face against Thor's neck. The older noticed a wetness on his skin, realizing that the younger was crying. “Loki, did you have a nightmare?” Thor gently stroked Loki's hair as he tried to calm him down. He could feel his nod against his neck.
“Ssh, it's all right brother. I'm here now”, Thor whispered, trying his best to comfort the crying boy in his arms.
-
“No!”
Thor's scream pierced through the vast lands of Svartalfheim, having to watch his brother being impaled by the very blade he just used against their enemy. A part of him wanted to run and catch Loki as he fell to the dusty ground. Another one had the urge to beat that creature who hurt his brother, until it would beg for mercy.
And a very small part of him simply wanted to look away, hoping that all this wasn't truly happening as long as he just didn't see it.
However Thor couldn't do anything. He felt numb, unable to move. Unable to speak even. He simply had to watch as the trickster lay on the cold ground, hands covering the wound from which was pouring more and more blood as the seconds passed. Too much blood. “See you in Hel, monster.” Loki's voice sounded a lot stronger than Thor would have expected after him being so severely injured. But Thor knew better. He had spent enough time with the trickster to be aware of his skills when it came to lying and covering his pain.
Thor barely noticed the beast being sucked in one of those black holes, killed by its own weapon, as he dashed forward towards his brother. He could see the little remaining confidence leaving Loki's face when he noticed that the monster was gone.
As soon as Thor finally reached him there was only fear and pain left on his features. Loki was pale, even paler than usual and his whole body was shaking. Thor desperately wanted to help him, wanted to make it better, but he had to realize that he was too late. The paleness of Loki's skin, his heavy breathing and the blood continuously seeping out of the wound made it clear that there wouldn't be a way for him to help.
All Thor could do was being there for his brother, taking away the fear and assuring him that he wasn't alone, even after all the things the thunderer told him in the dungeons. Now was the last chance for Thor to show Loki that after everything that has happened between them, he still loved him dearly.
“No, no, no.” Deep down, however, Thor couldn't accept this yet. Not while he could still feel Loki breathing and moving in his arms. He took a deep breath, forcing down the panic rising in his chest. Thor had to be strong now, for his brother.
“You fool, you didn't listen.” How many times in their lives had Thor told him to stand back? That he could look out for himself. And how many times had he told him to make sure that he is safe first, before he took such actions? All Thor ever wanted was Loki to be fine. He always came first, even at times when it seemed different or when he himself didn't notice it. Deep down he always cared for his little brother, more than for anyone else. But no matter what the thunderer told him, Loki always seemed to do the exact opposite, causing many fights between the brothers throughout their long lives.
“I'm a fool. I'm a fool.” Loki's voice was breaking, his breath too short for the words he was trying to speak. At another time, in different circumstances Thor would have loved to hear those words out of his brother's mouth. The trickster never would admit such a thing, not without being forced to do so. But now it only pained Thor to hear it. He didn't want Loki to be a fool, not if he could be alive and well. For a second the thunderer even wished for the raven-haired to hate him again, as long as he was all right.
It was almost unbearable for Thor to watch the life seeping out of his brother like this, without being able to do anything. The last time he felt so helpless was when he had to watch Loki letting go and falling into the abyss. Thor couldn't do it again. He couldn't watch his brother dying once again, without a trace of hope that he could help him. “Stay with me.” Thor knew that he was begging now, wishing for something that wouldn't happen. But he couldn't care less.
His hand wandered up to gently stroke Loki's cheek, trying to calm him down, but he had to remove it again immediately. Loki's skin felt so cold, colder than usual, as if he was already dead. Thor's hands started shaking with desperation.
He was surprised when Loki started apologizing, his words rushed as if he didn't have enough time left. No. He really didn't.
Earlier Thor would have felt relief at Loki's words. All this time the thunderer was hoping that his little brother was still in there and now he finally got the proof. However now those words only made the blond feel sick. Somehow those apologies felt wrong, despite all the terrible things Loki did in the past. He shouldn't say it. Loki wouldn't do that.
“Ssh, it's all right”, Thor tried to comfort the younger, unaware that he sounded like someone trying to calm down a small child. And to be honest, right now Loki felt exactly like this in Thor's arms. It didn't matter what happened or what he did. At the moment Loki simply was Thor's little brother again, whom he dearly loved and had to protect.
All he wanted was to make it better by trying to tell him the one thing Loki surely needed to hear. “I will tell father what you did here today.” The thunderer gave a small nod, trying to show that he was being sincere. He was sure that Loki's actions would show Odin that in the end he was capable of doing good and that his son was still in there somewhere. Not only did he save Thor's life, but he helped protecting the whole of Asgard.
Loki didn't reply at first and for a moment Thor's heart sank, fearing that it was already too late. The trickster's gaze shifted away from him, unfocused and looking at nothing in particular. His breathing slowed down rapidly and he was so still in Thor's arms. However finally Loki locked eyes with him, just for a moment, his voice no more than a faint breath when he spoke. “I didn't do it for him.”
That's when Thor understood. Of course he didn't do it for Odin. He should have known that there was only one person Loki would have done something like this for. And this person was now gone forever.
Thor was only distracted for a moment, but his eyes widened slightly when he noticed that his brother had stopped breathing. His gaze rested on Loki's face, watching helplessly as his eyes closed for the last time in his life, leaving Thor behind completely alone. This time forever.
It took Thor a second to process what just happened. It still seemed so unreal. “No!” His scream was filled with pure pain and desperation. He couldn't lose his brother again. Not after he started to trust him again. Not after they grew closer again.
Thor didn't notice Jane walking closer to him. All he could focus on right now was Loki. He held him closely to his chest, crying freely now that he no longer had to compose himself. He couldn't remember the last time he held Loki like this. It must have been decades ago. The only thing they seemed to be doing recently was fighting. Every single time Thor tried to get close to him, Loki would push him back. The more it pained him that when he could finally hold him again and feel his brother against his chest, he was dead.
“Thor...” The thunderer was startled when he heard Jane's voice, only now remembering that she was with them as well. He didn't reply, didn't even look up or react in any other way. Instead he kept his face buried in Loki's hair, only concentrating on his scent and the feeling of his body against his own. After all, this will be the last time he'll have the chance to do this.
“Thor...” He didn't move at all when Jane embraced him. Thor still pressed Loki's body against his own as tightly as possible. He was afraid to let him go. “I'm so sorry... but we need to go.” Jane's voice was full of compassion and Thor appreciated her for being here. He was sure that he would be completely breaking down if he was alone.
“I can't leave him here...” Thor sobbed silently, his voice breaking before he could speak on. He wanted to stay, even though deep down he knew that she was right. If they didn't leave, Malekith would destroy everything. He had to fight and protect the nine realms, especially after his brother's sacrifice. “My little brother..” His voice was trembling and muffled by Loki's hair. Talking made it worse, but he had to make her understand. “I can't leave him alone. He will be afraid.”
-
Thor breathed out a sigh of relief when Loki finally stopped crying in his arms. He hated seeing his brother like this. “How about you stay here tonight?”, he asked him softly before he placed a gentle kiss on his little brother's head. Loki nodded, still having tears in his eyes.
Waiting for Thor to lift the blankets, Loki finally crawled beneath them. He looked even smaller in the older's bed, more vulnerable.
"Loki, don’t cry, it was just a bad dream.” He paused, thinking for a moment, before he suggested: “You can take my blanket, it will protect you when you’re afraid and I can’t be here with you.” Thor smiled reassuringly as he tucked the younger in, trying to convince his brother that he will always be protected. “Nothing will hurt you little brother, I promise…", he added before planting another kiss on Loki's forehead.
-
Thor silently stood in front of Loki's body. He knew Jane was waiting for him, but there was one last thing he had to do. Leaving his brother behind felt wrong, even though he didn't have another choice.
Finally he removed the cape from his shoulders and knelt down besides Loki, softly covering the trickster's body with the bright red fabric. “I love you”, he whispered. The thunderer bent forward to plant one last kiss on Loki's forehead, just as he did when they were still children, before pulling the cape up, at last covering his pale, but peaceful face as well. Thor had to take a deep breath before he could bring himself to stand up and face Jane.
He had failed his brother today, as he failed him so many times before. Thor knew that he will hate himself for this, for not being able to protect his brother once again.
I promised.