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Cas is sitting in the Bunker’s main room, going over some of Sam’s research, when a dull clunk sounds next to him on the table. He glances over at the noise to see Dean pushing a cassette towards him.
“What's this?” Cas asks, looking up at Dean.
Dean clears his throat, eyes darting away from Cas’, and taps two fingers on the top of the cassette, “For when you're on the road next.”
Cas takes the cassette in his hand, examining it between his fingers. Deans Top 13 Zepp Traxx.
“You made this for me?”
Dean’s cheeks color, but he recovers quickly, with one of those pleased-confident smiles of his. “Yep! Remember how I was talking the other day about educating you on good music? Well, Zepp’s the best so I figured this would be a good place to start.”
“Thank you, Dean, I'll make sure to take careful notes on my opinions about each song,” Cas replies. He rubs a thumb over Dean's handwriting on the front and smiles, slipping the tape into the pocket of his suit jacket.
Dean chuckles, awkwardly stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, “Well, I expect a full report back.”
“I'll make sure to call you after my first listen,” Cas replies, mouth tipping up into a smirk.
“You better.”
When Cas leaves on his quest for Kelly Kline, he heads east first, driving his rickety truck on the 36 towards Kansas City. He flicks on the local classical station until it fizzes out two hours later and he remembers the weight in his suit pocket.
Keeping one hand on the wheel, Cas digs the tape out of his pocket and pushes it into the tape deck. Dean didn’t tell him the track listing, so Cas doesn’t know for sure which songs are on here. The first song starts off with a roaring guitar and Cas has definitely heard this one before. He smiles, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat. Images filter through his mind of Dean singing at the top of his lungs, very out of tune, and slamming his hands against the steering wheel like it’s a drum set.
The first song ends and the second starts, just as fast as the first, but with a quicker beat of drums and guitars. Robert Plant sings -- well Cas isn’t sure singing is the correct word, it’s more like yell-singing -- about Rock N’ Roll. Cas does, however, understand the appeal to this man’s voice. It’s rough, but in a strangely enchanting and seductive way. He wonders if this, aside from the musical quality, is what drew Dean to love this band. After the first three songs, all upbeat, and obviously rock songs, the fourth slows down a bit, starting with a ballad-like guitar and a haunting whistle in the background. Ah, yes. Stairway to Heaven. It’s a beautiful song, untrue, since there is no possible way for anyone to buy a stairway to heaven, and portals are the only access to heaven now. The song may be rather romantic in its idealism, but Cas can clearly picture Sam and Dean as kids sprawled out in the backseat, listening to this song, while their father drives, headlights piercing the darkness.
He wonders if Dean had a reason for choosing each of these songs. He thinks he must have. Maybe one day, Dean will tell him.
Cas doesn’t understand the purpose of this tape, he already knows many of these songs from his time in the Impala with Sam and Dean. Why Dean would choose to give him specifically a tape of his favorite Zeppelin songs, Cas can’t comprehend. He appreciates the gesture though. It’s a nice physical reminder to have of Dean while he’s away. Something that he hates to admit he yearns for more than he should.
The next few songs take a... different tone. Whole Lotta Love plays next, with it’s squealing guitar accompanied by Robert Plant’s voice, lyrics dripping in seduction.
You've been learning
Um baby I been learning
All them good times baby, baby
I've been year-yearning
A-way, way down inside
A-honey you need-ah
I'm gonna give you my love, ah
I'm gonna give you my love, ah oh
Cas has heard this song before, sprinkled throughout the few of Dean’s dreams he’s accidentally happened upon. It was always just shapes and shadows, what Cas saw, of Dean and another person engaged in sex, he always left the dreams as fast as he could. It didn’t seem right to intrude on Dean’s personal desires like that. But Cas did always think this was a very fitting song to have sex to.
The following song starts bluesy, a twangy guitar and when Robert Plant starts singing about lemons, Cas is... confused.
Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg
Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg
The way you squeeze my lemon, ah
I'm gonna fall right out of bed
Cas’ eyes widen at the lyrics, cheeks flushing. Oh. Unbidden images of Dean start flashing through his head, and Cas blinks a few times until they vanish. He moves his thigh a little, adjusting his pants and tightens his grip on the wheel, trying to focus on the beat of the song.
The last few songs have deeper lyrics, about love, about coming home, heartbreak, and Cas can see why Dean likes them. They mean a lot, but are good for the road, songs you can let wash over you again and again and never get tired of them.
A song Cas has never heard follows. It’s obviously still Zeppelin, but not something Cas would suspect Dean would enjoy. He pays particular attention to the lyrics of this one, even as he finds himself tapping along with his foot not pressed against the gas pedal.
And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin'
And the thrill of your touch gives me fright
And I'm shaking so much, really yearning
Why don't you show up, make it all right?
Yeah, it's all right.
And if you promised you'd love so completely
and you said you would always be true
You swore that you would never leave me, baby:
What ever happened to you?
He starts humming along, and contemplates the pining nature of the lyrics. It hits a little close to home, to how he feels for Dean, though he knows Dean has no idea of these feelings. He waits for the next song to calm his aching heart, but after the last few notes the tape cuts out and starts buzzing. And Cas is alone in an empty car again.
He takes in a breath, and is about to rewind the tape and play it again, when he remembers his promise to Dean, and instead tugs his phone out of his pocket.
Cas dials Dean, turns on the speaker and tosses the phone onto the passenger seat. It rings twice before Dean picks up.
“Hey Cas, what’s up?”
His tone is bright, and Cas smiles at the sound of his voice.
“I just finished the tape.”
“Yeah? What did you think?” Dean asks, there’s a tremor of uncertainty in his voice, so Cas doesn’t let Dean wait long for his answer.
“I loved it.”
“Yeah?” Dean answers, the smile in his voice clear, “Any favorites after the first go through?”
“Stairway to Heaven is... nice,” Cas says and Dean laughs. It sounds like bells ringing.
“I figured you’d say that.”
“I also thought Fool in the Rain was, powerful,” Cas continues. Dean intakes breath on the other end of the line.
“Why that one?”
“The sound was good, but I liked the lyrics. They held a lot of meaning.”
“Yeah,” Dean says, voice soft, “They do.”
Silence fills the empty space between them, and Cas notices his heartbeat has quickened for some reason.
“Where are you at?” Dean asks, clearing his throat.
“Four hours out, about halfway to Chicago.”
“Any good leads?”
“No, I’m just following instinct. Any hunts?”
“Nada, Sam’s looking though.”
“I hope you find something soon,” Cas answers and Dean murmurs a grunt of approval.
The silence should be awkward but it’s not, and the slight huff of Dean’s breath over the phone is comforting in the empty space of the passenger seat. It’s almost like Dean is there with him.
“You... you gonna be back soon?” Dean asks.
“I don’t know, I hope so,” Cas says.
“Yeah, me too.”
A sense of longing suddenly pierces Cas’ grace, and he barely manages to resist the urge to turn around and drive back to Lebanon.
“Hey, Cas?” Dean asks.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t keep m - us in the dark okay? Check in every once in awhile.”
“Okay,” Cas agrees with a small smile.
“Enjoy the tape,” Dean says, and Cas takes the fondness in Dean’s voice and uses it to stifle the ache of the longing within his chest.
“I will.”
“See ya, Cas.”
“Goodbye Dean.”
The phone clicks off and Cas steals a glance over at his phone just as Dean’s name flashes off the screen. He turns his gaze back towards the road, focusing on the white dashes stretching for miles ahead of him and tries to ignore the needing feeling deep within him that this is the opposite of what he should be doing right now.
He hits rewind on the tape. Whir. Click. Press play.