Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

~

Sunday

Sundays had become a routine; in the same train station, at the same departure platform, at the same time, the same scene would unfold, clad with curious onlookers and a pit in Hajime’s stomach. Hajime would have been classified as an onlooker too if this were the first time, but the fact remained that he wasn’t just an onlooker. Onlookers and passers-by had no idea there was going to be break-up scene, unlike Hajime. Amidst the dull grays of the train station and the concrete walls cluttered with new and faded advertisements and posters, Hajime watched the scene from a few feet away with both distaste and apathy. It was going to be the same as usual – a one-sided conversation that only Oikawa led.

Normally Hajime would be texting his girlfriend while passively watching his surroundings, just to keep himself busied for the few minutes he had to wait. However, the task would require a so-called girlfriend to be accomplished.

Hajime had been avoiding thinking about the fact that he no longer had a girlfriend, but he also knew that watching a break-up would only spring up memories and concerns that have soured throughout the day. Honestly, his heart ached.

Her name was Momo – she was just as peachy as her name, which was something Hajime used to shamelessly tell her whenever she was extra cute to him. Incidentally, her favourite fruit were peaches, too, and when Hajime had asked her what her favourite colour was, she gave a wide smile full of dimples when saying that it was orange. She was a petite thing, always bright and smiling next to Hajime. The contrast of Hajime who scowled as a natural reflex standing next to the smiley Momo was the talk amongst many of their classmates, but they didn’t mind. Better yet, Hajime had begun to think he had practically forgotten how to scowl – he didn’t want to scare away Momo after all, and he only wanted to return her sweet, peachy smiles.

So when it came down to breaking up, Hajime didn’t really understand why Fate conspired against him, to the extent that Momo would be the one ending things. She was always peachy wasn’t she? What could have gone wrong? What did he do that led Momo to go as far as wanting to end all this?

“You’re a sweet guy, Iwaizumi,” she’d said with her peachy smile and her peachy dimples. “But you’re not exactly what I was expecting. You seemed a lot more…different, on court.” She was giving an awkward smile, but it was still a smile all the same, and that’s what made Hajime all the more bitter. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and took one last look at Hajime’s worn-out face. “I’m sorry, Iwaizumi-san. I hope that we can still be friends.”

Hajime had to remind himself of the facts. The facts of reality, the facts of being. The earth still spun on its axis. The bustling streets in downtown remained ever busy with rushing people. Time ticked away in its own conceptual manner. The sun will rise tomorrow, just as it would set today. And Hajime’s mind swayed unremittingly with those words he’d heard so many times before.

“You’re not what I was expecting,” Hajime said out loud, to no one in particular. His gaze remained transfixed on the couple causing a scene on the other side of the platform, but his thoughts loomed in some kind of continuum of despair. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and allowed himself to lean against the concrete pillar, feeling the vibrations of the moving trains against his temple and closed his eyes in hopes that numbness would overtake his thoughts. Soon, he’ll get to go home, he silently told himself, and mope in loneliness over another girlfriend breaking up with him for the same reason all the others ended things as well.

This was his inevitable Fate; whenever Hajime tried loving with his heart, someone would crush it in the palms of their hands and give it back to him with a smile on their face.

Hajime focused on his breathing as the last train went far into the distance, the platform suddenly feeling hollow and spacious from its departure. It wasn’t as noisy anymore either and he could faintly hear the conversation not too far from him. As he heard the announcement for the 4 o’ clock train, Hajime couldn’t help but tighten his jaw and brace for impact, even though what was about to happen was not necessarily directed at him, per se. But damn, did he feel angry anyway.

“I’m sorry but, I couldn’t fall in love with you. Let’s break up.”

Slowly, Hajime opened his eyes and for just a moment, his gaze caught Oikawa’s before he quickly turned his head away to focus on the girl in front of him. Hajime, in turn, decided to focus on the faded “4” indicating the platform number on the gray pillar behind the two, trying not to pry too much in their private conversation. After a few moments, Hajime spots the colour yellow, his eyes catching Oikawa’s hands giving that yellow carnation to the girl as if to trade for her forgiveness. Hajime sighs – Oikawa was Oikawa, all right.

This time, the girl wasn’t having any of it – she wasn’t crying, but she didn’t look too happy either. She plucked the flower from Oikawa’s fingers and, maintaining her unwavering eye contact with his, coolly dropped the flower at Oikawa’s feet before walking away with what dignity she still felt she had. For a moment, Hajime watched Oikawa stare at the flower on the ground, trying to read his face – he didn’t have to be near him to know he felt guilt and regret all at once, but when Hajime had walked close enough, he saw that he also a twinge of hopelessness that tainted the overall expression of his face.

“I’m telling you, the flower makes you look like trash, Oikawa,” Hajime said as he kicked the flower away from his feet, “as if you were just playing around to begin with.”

Oikawa looked up with tired eyes. “But you know I wasn’t playing around.”

Hajime only nodded and stood in front of him, waiting. To him, Oikawa always looked especially defeated and pathetic after two things: one, when he lost another qualifying match, and two, when he was done with his break-up at the end of the week. The way he looked in both scenarios was similar – his eyes wore dark circles and bags from enduring a sleepless, often worrisome night just before, his perfected smiles lost the electricity they normally send down spines, his hands shook from all the coffee he’s had that day for the energy to move. It’ll only be worse from here on, too. These were just the smaller details of a disheveled Oikawa in public, but the story was entirely different when Oikawa retreated back home.

“What a long week…,” Oikawa whispered absently, pushing stray strands of hair away from his face. Hajime handed him his bag that he was watching over on the other side of the platform and rearranged his own on his shoulder. The train could be heard down the distance, coming closer and closer, sending vibrations through the ground to their feet. They saw this train every Sunday – a gloomy gray with yellow lightning on the inside, a faded advertisement clinging to its exterior, urging inquisitive eyes to call a repair company.

Every Sunday Oikawa watched as the train stopped to drop off and collect passengers. Hajime, consequently, found himself staring at Oikawa out of sheer concern – he had always looked for something in Oikawa to change at this moment, but nothing ever did. It was an omen of sorts to Oikawa, the kind that reassured him that he’d made the right decision and that his feelings were as he believed them to be. The two watched the train unload and reload with passengers, shoulders brushing past them in the Sunday evening hurry, people wanting to be home before another week began.

“I hate train stations,” Oikawa declared just as the train was out of sight. He turned to Hajime with a worn-out expression and sighed. “Let’s get out here quickly, Iwa-chan.”

They came out of the bleak concrete gray of the train station to the outside, where the sun was beginning to take a dip in the horizon and the cool autumn air stroked them with her chilled touch. They rode the bus home and decided on the way that sleeping over at Hajime’s house would do them both good, since they knew tonight was going to be a longer night than usual – this time, they had to distract two unsettled hearts instead of the standard one.

The standard one being Oikawa’s, of course, since he was known as Seijou’s Prince – the prince that agreed to date someone new every week, and to learn to love each partner with all his heart at that.

“Don’t you get tired of doing this prince thing every week, Oikawa?” The bus had merged onto the road and picked up speed steadily. Outside the window, the train station was finally disappearing out of sight, with buildings and shops taking its place instead.

Oikawa turned away from the window to look at Hajime, tired and yet a bit surprised by his question. “Even if I tried to stop now, I probably couldn’t. I’ve made a reputation and people might get upset, don’t you think?”

“So? Tell them you won’t date anyone every week regardless of who asks first. Just date someone you actually like.”

“But how will I know if I like them without dating them first?” Oikawa pieced together a smile, that fake kind given to his fangirls when they try to flirt with him while he’s dating someone else. Oikawa’s rule was a sincere one, Hajime admits – it was to always be nice to his fans and to always treat his partners well. If he was dating someone, he’d put on that fake smile and tell them politely he couldn’t chat with them.

This was that same smile, telling Hajime politely that he didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

But well, tough shit. Hajime didn’t care about that.

“Then at least date them for more than seven days, dumbass.” Hajime’s mouth had formed a deep frown. “You barely get to know them.”

“I get to know them well enough, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa replied with a wave of his hand, turning back to look out the window. Then, after a slight pause, he added, “It’s better this way anyway. One week means we don’t get too attached, but we also get an idea of where it’s going.”

Hajime lifted a brow. “You seem to be the one doing the breakups though?”

“That’s because I’m the great Oikawa-san. I know all,” he retorted, hands gesturing to himself theatrically and a small smile forming on his lips.

“Oh~ Great Oikawa-san~ please tell me how to be a successful dumbass like yourself.”

“That’s mean, Iwa-chan!”

~

Monday

When Hajime arrived at his desk Monday morning at school, it was adorned with his favourite snacks, several memes printed out and scattered across the table’s surface, and in the center of the clustered mess lay one single white lily – the special “I’m sorry for your loss (of girlfriend)” package by Hanamaki Takahiro and Matsukawa Issei, the bastards. Hajime glared wearily at the two culprits, who stood rather shamelessly beside his desk.

“Don’t you get tired of doing this kind of shit to me?” Although he asked, he expected no sincere answer. Hajime plopped down in his chair and began to rummage through the assortment of snacks until his hand lifted up a bag of KitKats.

“Listen Iwaizumi, we’re just trying to be here for you.” Hanamaki dramatically clutched his chest, his eyes partially lidded and his mouth trying hard to suppress a smile. “You must be going through a lot of pain right now, so I, your love doctor, recommend a steady dose of memes to help you get back up on your feet.”

“Saying ‘love doctor’ makes you sound absolutely disgusting.”

Matsukawa mimicked the theatricality of Hanamaki with a loud gasp, “Iwaizumi! How dare you say such crude things to your mother!”

“That’s right!” Hanamaki chimed in. “Don’t talk to your parents like that!”

“I thought you were my doctor?”

“I am!”

“Anyway, Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa began with his hand on Hajime’s shoulder, “don’t be too hung up about it. It’s not like you guys dated that long right? Just get yourself another one!”

“You say it like it’s so easy.” Hajime said with a sigh. “I don’t really feel like getting one anyway.”

“Ah but, the saying goes ‘you know the only real way to cure pain is to add a little more, because everything new distracts the old’ right?” Hanamaki offered.

There was a slight pause where Hanamaki and Matsukawa observed Hajime staring down at his desk, a look of pure gloom covering his face. It wasn’t that Hajime couldn’t get another girlfriend. It was the fact that all of them end up the same – Hajime was, indeed, different on court as compared to how he was outside of the court. He was an aggressive stronghold of the team; he would cover in any area that other players would lack in and he would fight with all his might all the way to the end. But perhaps the adverse part of him, what contrasts the usual assertive and focused Hajime, was the way he looked after spiking the perfect set and scoring a perfect point – needless to say, it drove the girls mad. Who was Iwaizumi Hajime? The boy who was always around Seijou’s Prince? The guy who was the ace of the volleyball team?

No no no – Iwaizumi Hajime was the one who’s smile of pure satisfaction could steal every girl and guy’s heart in an instant. But the problem was: how do you get him to smile like that outside of the court? Here was the real fact: you couldn’t. Not unless you were Oikawa, or the volleyball or the net, for that matter.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa were aware of this – they were Hajime’s mothers after all and mothers had to be observant and watchful of their children, especially when they were going through a hard time. The two exchanged glances before letting out a sigh in unison. Really, sometimes Hajime wondered if they practice these kinds of things.

“Today’s Monday~” Matsukawa declared with a grin, catching Hajime’s attention. Hajime looked up at him with a hint of curiosity. “You just want an easy way out to get over your relationship, right? How about you go ask the one person that will always say yes to the first person that asks him out on Mondays?”

Hanamaki put his arm around Hajime’s shoulder and added, “and since you’re so pitiful, I’ll tell you something good. Seijou’s Lonely Prince is holed up in the gym this fine morning all by himself…”

Unbelievable.

“You two are unbelievable.”

There, he said it.

~ 

To both Oikawa and Iwaizumi, there was nothing like volleyball. Their friendship was rooted in it, their bond sprouted from it, and out bloomed in their garden were promises and dreams that would one day be fulfilled. Both of them were never much into talking, but they loved to play, loved to hit the serve with force or spike the ball to the ground with all their might. It was a way to cope; a temporary fix that helped them cool down. For a while, it was only Oikawa that did it – pouring himself out into serve after serve – and it took Hajime a while to figure out that Oikawa could only reveal all of himself when he played volleyball – both the fake kind and the real, calculating kind. Somewhere along the way, Hajime began to do the same because slowly, volleyball became Hajime’s outlet too. And for the two of them, if talking wasn’t an option, then playing until exhaustion was, because it was each other’s silent company that lifted up their burdens.

They had skipped their morning classes for volleyball, despite the fact that Mondays were the club’s day off. Hajime slid down with his back against the wall, trying to catch his breath. They’d played intensely in quiet without breaks and he had the redness of his hands and the sweat trickling down his temple to prove it. Oikawa joined him on the floor shortly after, two drinks from the vending machine in his hand and his hair damp from sweat and less fluffy than usual. He handed Hajime a drink and began to open his own. Hajime, however, formed a deep frown as he looked at the Orange Peach juice he held in his hand.

“I hate peaches,” he declared, “and I hate orange.”

Oikawa looked over to him in slight surprise and glanced down at the drink, the usual one Oikawa had been getting Hajime for the past month. It only took a moment, but it clicked in right away and Oikawa gave him an acknowledging smile.

“Sorry, my bad. I wasn’t thinking.” Oikawa closed the cap on his water. “Here, let’s switch.” Oikawa took the juice from Hajime’s hands and replaced it with his water, somehow nice and compliant to Hajime’s surprise. In his defense, he felt like he couldn’t even hear the word or look at another peach, let alone taste something like it. Breakups were always like that for Hajime – they left him with bittersweet memories and more things to hate. Hajime knew that his list was only growing, but he couldn’t help it. Even now, every time he heard the names Momo or Shino or Chihaya or Mari, he felt like throwing up. Those three ex-girlfriends will always be in his memory for pain. And then there was Mari – she was on this list just because of who she was.

But breakups were different for Oikawa and a part of Hajime envied him for it. He did it so easily, like none of it really meant anything just because he didn’t feel that superficial spark or whatever he was looking for. He broke up with his weekly partner every Sunday, only to accept another Monday morning, whichever person confessed to him first. And again, come Sunday, if Oikawa didn’t feel the way he wanted to, he’d break up with them all over again – the train station, the breakup lines, the parting gift – all of it would happen like it always did, and yet a new cycle began again the following week.

And all this repeated, would probably keep repeating, until Oikawa fell in love with one of them.

“Really Iwa-chan, you can’t start hating everything you liked before just because your relationship ended.” Oikawa said it calmly and quietly, in that rare tone of voice where he tried to be sincere.

“Why not?” Hajime was only humouring him, he knew the answer already.

“You’ll run out of things to love. You’ll never find love if you forget how to.” Oikawa was gentle as he said it, turning his face to Hajime’s and staring with big, alluring eyes.

“And you?” Hajime found himself asking in return.

He caught Oikawa off-guard but waited patiently for his answer. “Me? I don’t know. I’m called the prince because I always treat them perfectly but, I guess, what they do isn’t really what I’m looking for. I can’t ever trust them enough. Well, that and the fact that volleyball still takes up more of my time.”

Oikawa smiled fondly at that, because there have only been two things that remained constant in Oikawa’s life – volleyball and, interestingly, Hajime. It was so strange to hear that this boy was believed to be Seijou’s Prince considering the real Oikawa: the Grand King of the Court with a monster serve and zealous superstitions that there were extraterrestrials out there. He was far from this princely image in Hajime’s views. However, when Oikawa smiled genuinely, even Hajime could see why so many people fell for Oikawa – he was indeed a beautiful mystery; a being that existed in extremes and shined brighter than the stars in the sky.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa gazed up at the ceiling, eyes lost in thought, “what are you looking for?”

Hajime tapped his chin for a moment before answering, “Someone that doesn’t expect anything from me.”

Oikawa laughed all of a sudden and tried to pat Hajime’s head, “Aw is Seijou’s ace too much of a brute to his cutesy girlfriends?”

“Shut up!” Hajime smacked Oikawa’s face and then punched him softly in the arm, a smile fighting its way onto his mouth. The feeling that overtook him at this point was simply how easy things were when Hajime was with Oikawa. He could talk to him about whatever he wanted, including volleyball or Godzilla, and wouldn’t be judged for it since he already knew, unlike the others. There wouldn’t be anything new he’d have to tell him because Oikawa was probably there for more than half the events that have happened in his life anyway. Oikawa and volleyball were a constant for Hajime too. He felt at ease, like himself, in a familiar, autonomous territory.

You know the only real way to cure pain is to add a little more, because everything new distracts the old.

“So, is it a first-come-first-serve basis for you?”

Oikawa looked over in surprise. “Uh, I guess?”

“Have you been asked out yet today?”

“Not yet. I’ve just been practicing since early morning, when no one was around.”

Hajime paused in thought, trying to collect himself and choose his words carefully.

“Do you really say yes to whoever asks you out?”

In truth, Hajime and Oikawa never really did talk about the implications of being Seijou’s Prince. Hajime was afraid to delve into Oikawa’s love life and Oikawa in turn never asked Hajime for details either. It was a silent decision they made, though if Hajime had to say, he wasn’t sure why.

The question surprised Oikawa, enough for him to run his fingers through his hair and smile almost sheepishly. “Pretty much I guess?”

“Even if they’re not your…um…type?” Hajime felt his neck heat up – as much as he wanted to blame it on having played volleyball, it wasn’t because of it. His heart had begun to pound inside his chest and he felt himself slowly getting more and more nervous. Even if Oikawa was familiar territory, questions about his personal love life were not.

“My…type?” Oikawa stared at Hajime with an incredulous expression. Hajime never realized the weight his eyes bore when he looked at someone for truths or secrets. It was discomforting, to say the least. He’d never had to be analyzed like it before, considering that he would always tell Oikawa the bare truth without hesitation. Being on the other side of his lens wasn’t somewhere he wanted to be, he now realized.

Oikawa tapped his chin in thought and then grinned, which eased Hajime more than he would have liked to admit. “If they’ve got a cute face, that’s enough for me. Sorry Iwa-chan, you don’t make the cut.”

His grin grew wider as Hajime shoved him away, laughing as Oikawa tried to shove him right back. In the moment of struggle, Hajime spilled what was left of his water all over his shirt and the scowl that formed on Hajime’s face was scarier than death itself.

“See Iwa-chan, you don’t know a thing about being cute.” Oikawa said through muffled laughter.

He let out a sigh and stood up, holding his hand out to Oikawa. “Well, I’m not cute apparently, but I am the first one to ask, right? So then, how about it?”

Oikawa looked up at Hajime stunned. “Huh?”

“Why don’t you go out with me, Oikawa?” Hajime spoke calmly, decisively, in that gentle tone of voice reserved for telling important things to his most precious people.

As if on cue, the doors to the gymnasium opened with a loud sound and Kindaichi and Kunimi made their way in. Kindaichi automatically called out to them and Hajime was suddenly brought back from his momentary trance – just what was he doing, exactly?

The earth still spun on its axis. Time ticked away in its own conceptual manner. The sun would rise tomorrow, just as it would set today. And Hajime, of all people, had just asked Oikawa Tooru – Seijou’s Prince – to be his boyfriend for the week.

~

They left the gym in a flurry, for no reason in particular. It wasn’t until the end of the school day that they met each other’s eyes near their shoe lockers and automatically fell into step beside each other. Their houses were not far from school, but somehow the walk back felt extremely long to Hajime. It felt as if the road in front of them stretched on forever, that the chilly autumn wind had suddenly become humid summer heat, and that the air around them hung in tension as if the sky was holding its breath. Their walk was filled with silence, for the most part, aside from Oikawa’s soft humming of a tune that sounded familiar but Hajime couldn’t quite recognize.

Hajime had never worried about Oikawa’s gaze – the kind that watched people with an almost predatory intent – but for some reason he felt it on the back of his neck as they walked. He didn’t want to say a word, not when Oikawa hadn’t said anything either. He didn’t want to lose, not even this.

For the first time though, Hajime felt nervous about asking someone out.

Momo had asked him out herself, as did his previous girlfriends as well. He’s always been kind, either politely declined or accepted casually because that was just who he was. He’d never had a particular interest in someone enough to ask them out himself, but he was always sincere in relationships because he believed in learning to love someone. Love comes from the heart, he told himself, so he must love with all his heart.

This was a new kind of feeling, however. The anticipation of wondering whether the person will say yes or no, whether the person will be surprised in a good way or a bad way, whether the words said have conveyed the proper meaning – Hajime felt all of it on his shoulders, weighing on his mind, wondering whether he should turn around and ask Oikawa for clarification right now. Does he want to go out with him? Would this ruin their friendship? Was this out of line?

By the end of their walk, they stood in front of Hajime’s door and Hajime had no energy left to face Oikawa himself. Oikawa waited for him to fumble with his keys and unlock the door, before smiling like usual and waving goodbye. He watched Oikawa walk down the street from the open door until he couldn’t see his speck anymore and closed the door shut.

~

Tuesday

That Monday night was practically sleepless for Hajime for a variety of reasons:

1. His girlfriend dumped him and he was still salty about it.
2. He asked Oikawa out?? Did that really happen or was Hajime dreaming up everything? Was this all an illusion? Was this a fragment of his imagination, totally unreal and untrue??
3. And the worst part: Oikawa never gave him a reply??
4. What the hell???

Finally, at the lovely house of 5am (not) Hajime was put out of his misery for only a moment when his cell phone rang – the sound of Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back” resonated all around the room, a ringtone unmistakably chosen by Oikawa himself, for himself, without Hajime knowing when that dumbass changed it.

Putting aside his initial anger, that moment of relief only lasted a mere second after remembering what had happened the day before. Hajime couldn’t help but feel a pit form in his stomach. He sat up in his bed suddenly and, with only a moment’s hesitation, answered the phone.

“Good morning, Iwa-chan!!” Oikawa’s voice was chirpy even at this hour, for fuck’s sake.

“Good morning my ass, Shittykawa,” Hajime whispered intensely into his phone. “Do you realize what time it is?”

“I’m sorry! It’s just a habit for me to do this every morning!” It sounded like he was almost out of breath with the slight hum of cars passing by in the distance. Was he outside? Running?

“Habit? Every morning? First I’ve heard of this.”

“Well it is!” Oikawa replied excitedly. “Did you sleep well?”

Hajime briefly looked at the mirror atop his dresser to his left, “Yeah, just swell.” The dark circles around his eyes suggested otherwise, but he chose to ignore them.

“Really? How lucky!” Oikawa paused for a car to pass him by before continuing. “I barely slept. Couldn’t stop thinking.”

“Oh yeah? About what?”

“About you, Iwa-chan.” The way Oikawa said it was so quiet and innocent that Hajime’s heart had jumped up to his throat. Feeling self-conscious, Hajime covered his mouth and looked around his room, as if afraid someone could see him fighting a blush. Even Oikawa was silent for a few moments, aside from the sound of his feet against pavement and the huffs of his breathing as he ran.

“Umm—“

“Anyway!” Oikawa continued abruptly, back into his happy and loud voice. “I know we don’t have practice for two more hours but, do you think you can meet up early anyway?”

Hajime’s brain was already confused and it took him longer than usual to process the question. To be fair, he had barely slept. He was tired from his own strange behaviour, acting impulsively by actually giving in to the ideas of Hanamaki and Matsukawa of all people and asking Oikawa out. And now, without knowing what kind of effect he had on Oikawa, Hajime had become nervous and conscious of him. He perceived Oikawa’s actions the wrong way, he told himself. His blush and his embarrassment from Oikawa’s words were him misinterpreting things. His heart could not learn to love Oikawa because he hadn’t even said anything about going out with him. Nothing would come out of all this.

With that, Hajime decided he wanted to avoid everything. “Well, I wanted to sleep more so I don’t think I’ll come.”

“Oh come on!” Oikawa chirped. “Please!!”

“I really don’t want to –“

“Please! I know it’s early but I really want you to come!”

“Honestly, Oikawa, even your pleading won’t work.”

“Please…” Oikawa paused for a bit, as if in thought mid-sentence. “Please, Hajime?”

At that point, Hajime felt like he had already lost. He hung up the phone almost immediately and plopped right back into his bed, pulling a pillow over his burning face. That was the first time Oikawa had ever called him by his name and, for some reason, it sounded better in Oikawa’s voice than anyone else’s.

Hajime wondered why that was – why something so small, something that was certainly different than before but coming from the same, usual person he had known for years, struck him like this.

~

When Hajime arrived at the school, early, just like Oikawa had asked because he couldn’t stop thinking about Oikawa’s voice calling him, he found Oikawa waiting at the front gate with two crepes in his hands. He gave one to Hajime immediately before he could even say anything and silently began to walk towards the change rooms, leaving Hajime to only follow. The air was cool again, but the tension still hung, making Hajime painfully aware of Oikawa. He hated to admit it, but Hajime was simply curious now. Just what did Oikawa think about his confession the other day?

Oikawa, on the other hand, was nonchalant as usual. Rather, he didn’t quite look like he had a sleepless night as he had claimed, unlike Hajime. His hair was still the same, his skin was still the same, even his eyes looked normal and his movements were fine. He was actually humming again as he opened up his locker, crepe already eaten, jacket thrown off to the floor.

Oikawa caught Hajime staring and looked at him curious. “You don’t like the crepe or something? Don’t you like the salty crepes?”

“It’s fine, it’s good.” Hajime said, shaking his head rather aggressively in reply and jerking his head away from Oikawa’s direction. They changed in silence, aside from Oikawa’s faint humming, and Hajime suddenly felt too afraid to look over at Oikawa now. Was he staring too much? He’d never been particularly conscious about staring.

But the real question was: is he really expecting Oikawa to say something about that?

It felt futile, if Hajime really thought about it. Hajime was always the one who was casual about everything, which was why he asked Oikawa out in a spur of the moment type of thing. It didn’t have to be serious, especially if Oikawa really didn’t want to go out with him.

It was a joke! Hajime told himself as he walked into the gymnasium and took in that familiar scent of Air Salonpas. How could I be serious about such a thing? And with Oikawa, of all people! HA!!

And yet, he found himself staring at Oikawa again, a pit in his stomach and uneasiness in his chest.

They setup the volleyball equipment and did their stretches with idle small talk: Hajime’s mother just got their dog another sweater, Oikawa can’t wait to see it on Zilla-chan, Kageyama was invited to the Japan Youth training camp, yeah well fuck Kageyama and fuck Karasuno and fuck Shiratorizawa and – Oikawa forced himself to shut up at this point.

Just like that, things felt normal again, if only for a moment. Oikawa stepped up to serve.

Hajime had been watching Oikawa perfect his serves for years. His grandfather had always told him to find the things that could be perfected with practice rather than perfected by nature, so Oikawa chose serves, and rightfully so.

“Don’t bother looking at my knee,” Oikawa said, still spinning the ball in his hand. “Look at my whole form. Top to bottom.” Oikawa had become aware of the kinds of eyes that stared at him when he served – sometimes they were eyes filled with awe, sometimes they were eyes filled with envy. But Oikawa knew Hajime’s eyes had always been filled with sheer concern and a certain kind of pride. He took it in stride, let Hajime do as he pleased. But sometimes, he wanted to tell him to not care so much. Just a little, though.

Hajime gave a firm nod, even though Oikawa was not looking at him anymore, and crossed his arms in front of him. He and perhaps even their coach and teacher had a habit of staring at Oikawa’s right knee as he jumped for his serves, something done more out of precaution than anything else. He watched Oikawa take a deep breath, close his eyes for a moment, and then reopen them as if born anew. With one flick of his wrists and a steady movement of his arms, he threw the ball up into the air and chased after it swiftly in a fluid motion, licking his lips as he watched the ball come down at just the right height and…BAM.

Hajime never took his eyes off of him, all of him, as instructed to do so. The face Oikawa made as he came back to the ground, watching the ball as if he could control its path on the other side of the net was distant and raw, an unattainable place that Hajime could never fathom to reach nor understand. This was it; this was the real Oikawa in every essence – a breathtaking, beautiful mystery.

“You know, you never gave me a real reply yesterday.” Hajime felt himself immersed in Oikawa’s energy, suddenly feeling like following his flow.

Oikawa’s intense gaze flickered onto Hajime as he eased himself out of his end-of-serve stance, standing upright to face him. He stared at him incredulous for only a moment, until his mouth twisted into a grin.

“Is it me, Iwa-chan, or did you not get enough sleep last night?”

“Oikawa, I’m warning you—“

“Because you look like you’ve been up aaaaall night thinking about me.” He winked at Hajime, who promptly threw a ball from the cart beside him at his stupid, smirking face. And then threw another one, just for good measure.

Oikawa held his hands up. “Stop Iwa-chan! Come one! Is that any way to treat your boyfriend?!”

“Yeah? Who wakes up their boyfriend at five in the fucking morning?” Hajime spat out, throwing another ball at Oikawa.

“Ow! Iwa-chan! It’s because I was awake all night thinking about you!”

Hajime held the next ball in his hands and bit his lip.

“And then,” Oikawa continued, lowering his arms cautiously, “because I kept thinking about you, in the end, I decided I wanted to see you in person. Is that so wrong?”

Despite the fuzzy feelings on the inside of his stomach, Hajime managed to only blink in return, unknowing what else to say. He was speechless not out of shock, but more so confusion. Just the other day, Oikawa had called him un-cute and was thinking about the train station and the breakup and whomever he was dating that week. But before that, it was always someone else. They’ve been friends for years, since childhood, they’ve learned volleyball together and have been that constant in each other’s lives despite the other people that have come and gone by. It’s always been “friends” for them.

How in the world was Oikawa able to flip the romance switch with his said best friend, Iwaizumi Hajime?

“Do you say this to everyone?” Hajime found himself asking because, yes, this side of Oikawa he had never seen despite knowing him all his life, considering he’d never dated the guy. “Oikawa, just yesterday you and I were friends, comforting each other over our breakups.”

“And today,” Oikawa said as he stepped closer, still cautious of the ball in Hajime’s hand, “we’re not friends. And, since you happen to be my childhood friend, trust me when I say it’s a little difficult for me too, thinking of you, um, differently, considering you’re pretty brutish and all.” Oikawa rubbed the back of his neck, looking at Hajime almost sheepishly. “But, it’s not that hard either. It’s not like we’re strangers or anything.”

“Brutish? I thought you spoiled all your partners, oh great Seijou Prince.”

Oikawa smirked, “you really want me to shower you in compliments?”

“That’d be gross coming from you, Shittykawa,” Hajime replied as he threw the ball he was holding back into the cart. “So, I guess we’re dating now?”

“I guess we are! You know what that means right, Iwa-chan?”

“Huh?”

Oikawa pointed at Hajime as if he was giving out a challenge for a fight. “You and me, we’re going on a date today after practice, okay?”

~

What were dates, anyway? Every time Hajime thought about it, the best word to describe them would be to say “the colour pink”. That’s what dates were. Or at least, that’s how they made Hajime feel. It was as if he was immersed in the colour pink while he waited for the girl to show up in a cute skirt (because Hajime was especially font of skirts), while he ate at a cute café and shared his ice cream, while he walked with her hand-in-hand outside on particularly sunny days, while he shopped for a necklace just to give to her. Truly, dates were so pink.

And somehow, Hajime found himself wondering what kind of date was Oikawa’s date. Were they also pink? How could they be? Hajime had always hoped for his date to wear a skirt, but clearly Oikawa was just going to this date in his school uniform, the same one that Hajime was wearing too. Does Oikawa like going to cutesy cafes? He loved sweets but he hated crowded places after all. Would they share their ice cream? Hell no. Oikawa was a sweet-toothed vacuum and Hajime refuses to let him have the satisfaction of eating both their shares of ice cream. Would Oikawa like for Hajime to give him jewelry? He had seen Oikawa wear braided bracelets but he already owned every single colour. Was Oikawa the type to hold hands on dates? He was so damn clingy sometimes, so it seemed like he would.

Perhaps the biggest question in Hajime’s mind was: was Oikawa really okay with Iwa-chan?

“Do you have any particular place you want to go?” Oikawa was asking as they stepped off the train, pulling Hajime’s arm along with him. He’d brought them out into the city, a place where there were endless things to do – a safe choice, Hajime thought.

“Hmm, I guess we can go to the arcade first?”

“Alright! Let’s go!”

“Ah and then,” Hajime continued as they walked outside of the station, “Let’s go see a movie and get dinner after too. Then maybe we can go to that night ferry I’ve heard so much about. It’s supposed to be really cool.”

“All of that today? You must be feeling pretty excited about this,” Oikawa said with a laugh.

“Well I mean, we only have one week right? And it’s already Tuesday!” The fact was, Oikawa had only agreed to date Hajime for the week, and they’d already wasted a whole day in their miscommunication. Hajime wanted this to be his fresh start – the one where he finally has a relationship without any expectations of him.

But Oikawa looked at him a little perplexed. “In other words, you just want to enjoy this week to the fullest. That’s all.” His voice was dipped into that snarky attitude he adopts sometimes, when his temper was getting the best of him. Hajime noticed it right away, opened his mouth to say something in return, but was cut off when Oikawa suddenly bolted into a run.

“I’ll race you to the arcade! Loser buys the tokens!” He shouted back.

Hajime ran with almost all his might, his feet stomping on the pavement and the sun soaking his skin. He had managed to catch up to Oikawa easily and passed him soon after, but Oikawa tailed close behind him. It was strange doing something like this on a date, Hajime considered. Rather, he’d always been so mindful about how he acted with his dates – he was polite, not loud or aggressive, at times shy despite trying to be composed. And yet here he was, taking off his blazer from running in the sun and feeling hot, trying to catch his breath, leaving his date behind on a mad rush to win the race at all costs. Oikawa came over to him with a plastic cup of tokens, not one hair out of place somehow and faint, unsteady breaths from running. He looked composed still, in spite of the pout that hung on his lips. Hajime knew Oikawa was a sore loser after all.

The arcade was full of kids and teenagers galore, even for a Tuesday evening. While there were several token booths located all around the arcade, Oikawa had gone to the booth outside of the arcade while Hajime waited by the wide entrance that led to the inside of the arcade. The carpet’s astral neon patterns were illuminated by the black lights and the wide array of sounds excited Hajime as he scanned the entire room. They hadn’t been to an arcade in a very long time. Volleyball had taken up the entirety of their extra time, aside from the occasional movie they saw, and it brought Hajime back to a time where they were still easy-going elementary school kids, rushing through all the people on the streets to spend their allowance playing arcade games when it was too hot to be playing outside.

“Alright, loser, I’ll be kind and let you choose the first game we play, since you paid for the tokens and all,” Hajime declared with a grin.

Oikawa simply stared back at him with a strange look – it was clear to Hajime that Oikawa wanted to say something, but he was holding back. He looked angry, almost, but before Hajime could push him to talk he switched his expression to an indifferent one when he pointed out the first game to play, a childhood favourite of theirs: Tekken.

Today’s Winners

Tekken – Winner: Hajime

Pac-Man – Winner: Hajime

Space Invaders – Winner: Hajime

Street Fighter – Winner: Hajime

Air Hockey – Winner: Hajime

Laser Tag – Winner: Hajime

Dance-Dance Revolution – Winner: Oikawa

Hajime sat with a medium-sized Godzilla in his lap and an expression that just could not hide his excitement over what he and Oikawa managed to get with the tickets they had collected. Across the small table, Oikawa sat resting his chin in his hand, staring intently at Hajime like he had been doing this whole time during their date. Every now and then, Hajime felt Oikawa’s gaze, but he wouldn’t bother talking about it. Instead, he would try to change the subject when Hajime tried to ask. Typical for Oikawa.

After years of knowing Oikawa, Hajime had first assumed Oikawa was upset about losing the race (and then the arcade games). He absolutely hated losing and always tried his best in every challenge no matter what the odds. And yet, this Oikawa that sat across from Hajime at this table was giving an expression of indifference like he was angry at something but he’ll shove it aside for some strange reason.

To say the least, Hajime felt pissed off.

“You know I noticed that you’ve been moody since we got here,” Hajime began to say, a scowl forming on his face. “But seriously, do you hate losing this much.”

At this, Oikawa sat up straight and crossed his arms. “I hate losing more than anything, but that’s not it.”

There was a flicker of hurt in Oikawa’s eyes for just a moment – something only Hajime could tell. This was the work of their childhood friendship that took years of understanding. Hajime could tell Oikawa was not being honest about something that he was clearly pained about.

“What? Are you saying this date wasn’t to your liking or something?” Hajime’s voice had a tone of mild threat. He recalled again how the Boyfriend version of Hajime that he had groomed himself to be wasn’t normally like this towards his dates, and yet.

“Normally,” Oikawa said with a sigh, “I would’ve chosen to break up with you right here.”

Hajime felt taken aback, but still continued to prod. He knew better than to give up on Oikawa half-way. “Then why haven’t you? Look, if something’s bugging you, you can’t just expect people to know what’s wrong and fix themselves.”

“Are you enjoying this?” Oikawa suddenly asked. “That your one week trial will end definitely, so you’ll just be fine with it like that?”

“Oikawa, what are you—“

“Do you really think seven days is all it takes?”

“All it takes for what?”

“Do you really think seven days is all it takes to fulfill a dream?”

~

That day and that name were etched in Hajime’s memory forever. It was the kind of thing he’d remember randomly sometimes while falling asleep, or when he spaced out during class, or when he was jogging outside, or when he was alone and had nothing else to think about. It started in their last year of middle school, when Oikawa had learned what it was like to fear himself.

Kageyama Tobio was a bright shiny star, still young and eager, unknowing of what it meant to feel things like envy or rivalry or even fear, for that matter. Hajime watched Kageyama Tobio just as much as Oikawa did, but for a different purpose. He watched Kageyama for the sake of Oikawa, hoping that nothing would really happen between them. Two stars could certainly shine in the same sky, Hajime reasoned and even contemplated telling Oikawa. But the fact remained that he didn’t tell Oikawa at the right time, it was too late. What Oikawa harboured was contempt, at first for Kageyama, but at last with himself. The barriers his muscles fought against, the limits his lungs tried to surpass, the confines of his mental strength and endurance being rattled – all of it were held in contempt inside of Oikawa, waiting to burst.

But as much as Hajime wanted to tell Oikawa that two stars could shine in the same sky, the problem would be Ushijima still, and he knew that. Ushijima Wakatoshi was like the sun, and not in a good way. He didn’t nourish crops or fill the day with light, not to Oikawa (and what was not to Oikawa was not to Hajime, consequently). He was the sun that burnt your skin, the sun that gave you cancer, the sun that would blind you, and the sun that would kill you from its heat. Hajime knew that if a star’s purpose was to shine the brightest, the sun would be the biggest, brightest star of them all.

Hajime was glad he was there before it got ugly – the bright shiny stars remained ever so bright, but Oikawa’s light was fading. His salvation was, thankfully, Hajime’s words. “Do you think you're fighting by yourself?! You've got to be kidding, you dumbass! If you think how you're doing equals how the team will do, I'll punch you! There's no one on our team who can beat Ushiwaka one-on-one! However, there are six players on the volleyball court! Even if our opponent's some genius first-year or Ushiwaka, the team with the better six is stronger, you dumbass!”

However, Hajime learned not long after that Oikawa’s salvation was not just his words. It was also a certain brown-haired, third-year high schooler, who happened to be hired on as his tutor.

After years of being with Oikawa, Hajime knew that he didn’t have to worry about him when it came to things like love. Oikawa was perceptive – at times, too perceptive – and he was cautious because of that trait. Even if Hajime caught Oikawa giving out all kinds of lip-service, he was, in the end, only doing it for the sake of keeping peace and getting by. He wasn’t the type to jump into relationships or give himself up to someone else – at least, not until he deemed them worthy enough, that is. But, such instances were rare.

And as such, this was that one rare instance.

“Mari-chan is really smart,” Oikawa had said after two weeks of tutoring. “She can teach anything. Math, biology, English, history – anything at all. It’s amazing.”

For a month, Hajime had only heard about “Mari-chan” – that she was going to her current private school on a scholarship, that she loved sweets as much as Oikawa did, that she had a strange, morbid sense of humour that Oikawa seemed to be fond of, and that she was incredibly gorgeous. Hajime was inclined to believe him because Oikawa had expensive tastes and high expectations, and once he finally met her, he was not disappointed.

Mari-chan had lived up to all of his expectations and what struck Hajime when he first saw Oikawa stand beside her – tall as he was already despite being in middle school – was that they looked like a pair of lovers plucked out of a magazine. She was petite and delicate with rowdy curls and a sing-song laugh, something Oikawa had mentioned was rather interesting about her too.

Hajime didn’t think anything besides being impressed, by both Mari and by Oikawa’s profiling of her. Oikawa was still level-headed and acted perfectly normal with her – rather, the surprising thing was the fact that he gave her no lip-service like he did to the other girls at school, or how his fake smiles were replaced by those genuine ones Hajime seldom saw himself.

But the cherry on top of everything, despite how they looked together (and maybe, how they looked at each other), was this known, somewhat silent but very important fact: Mari was his girlfriend – not Oikawa Tooru, but Oikawa Akio, the eldest son in the Oikawa household.

At that time, Hajime had only brushed his suspicions aside. Oikawa could be flirtatious, Mari was a beckoning flower, but they were level-headed individuals with dangerous smiles, they knew what could go wrong and wouldn’t stray. At least, that’s what Hajime thought.

It was by chance that Hajime impulsively decided to drop by Oikawa’s house and let himself in (a habit fostered through years and years of friendship). In front of the door, small shoes unmistakeably a girl’s were placed next to Oikawa’s, and Hajime had only assumed she was here for tutoring. He called out for Oikawa’s parents or his brother, but no one was home. He walked across the creaky floors and up the stairs, ready to knock on Oikawa’s bedroom door when it suddenly flew open.

In a flash, Hajime saw Oikawa’s hair brush past him. And across from him, in Oikawa’s bedroom, Mari-chan stood looking as coolheaded and nonchalant as ever – as if there was no bone in her body that could do something wrong. She smiled at Hajime, the kind that makes her eyes close and her cheekbones protrude.

She called out to Oikawa, who was already down the stairs, fingers running through his hair like he does sometimes when he’s thinking about something that frightened him. “Don’t worry so much about it, Tooru. We don’t have to say a thing, okay?” She smiled again, walking downstairs in delicate steps so as not to wake the floors up to creak. There was no response from Oikawa, just a set jaw and an expression of dread – Hajime could tell at just a glance. He watched Mari brush Oikawa’s cheek with her hand as she whispered little somethings before leaving, her eyes daring and bold like they usually were. When she left, Oikawa and Hajime only had to meet eyes, their conversation already started with just that one glance. Oikawa came back up to his bedroom and shut his door as Hajime sat down on his bed.

“What are you doing?” Hajime had asked with a malicious threat in his tone.

“It didn’t mean anything,” Oikawa had replied. But his gaze was averted and he looked down at his feet, sitting down on the floor with his arms encircled around his legs and chin sitting atop his knees. “And I didn’t intend to do anything. I’m frustrated and she told me to tell her about it.”

“And?”

“She said she believed in me. Akio keeps saying I need to stop throwing tantrums, mom says I need to focus more on school, dad and grandpa keep telling me to practice harder. But she doesn’t. She said I can do whatever it is I put my mind to.” They sat in silence for a while. Hajime wondered if that’s all it really takes to soothe Oikawa, something he had never quite said to him himself, not out loud at least. Hajime was always preoccupied with following Oikawa’s steps – he didn’t want to be left behind, but he also didn’t want Oikawa to leave him behind on purpose. That was why he wanted to remind Oikawa that he was not alone. Oikawa had not only him, but an entire team in the palm of his hand that he could use to win.

But Mari believed in Oikawa’s strength alone. Not the team, but Oikawa only.

“Something else happened after that, didn’t it?”

Oikawa remained silent, but Hajime was patient. His tenacity was his strength, especially when it came down to the being that was Oikawa Tooru. “She tried to kiss me to make me feel better.”

“…and you allowed her to?”

“I protested at first but…” Oikawa let out a sigh and pushed the hair around his face back. His expression looked guilty by all means. Hajime was the Oikawa expert. It wasn’t hard for him to figure it out. “I’ve never let her kiss me before, though she thinks she’s completely free in touching me. And she always tells me she likes me more whenever she gets into a fight with Akio.”

“And let me guess, when she makes up with him it’s like you never existed.”

Oikawa’s silence was a good enough answer to Hajime.

“Does Akio know? Or is he suspecting something?”

Oikawa shook his head in reply and turned to face Hajime on the bed from his spot on the floor, “Akio has always been a dotting older brother. He likes that Mari-chan is so fond of me and doesn’t think anything else of it.”

“Well, do you like her?”

He didn’t reply instantly and sat there in deep thought, trying to muster up the right words to explain. Finally, he came to a conclusion. “She’s like a dream – transient and enigmatic.”

“But ultimately, intangible.”

“Right.”

Hajime gazed at Oikawa, seeing only the back of his head as he leaned against the bed on the floor.  Sometimes Hajime wondered if the being that was Oikawa Tooru would always do this kind of thing. Was he really destined to be like this, forever? Is this what Oikawa Tooru was all about? “You really like chasing dreams that make you wear yourself out.” Hajime stated it like a fact.

Oikawa turned to him slightly in surprise, a perplexed expression on his face that settled down the more he gave it some thought. Of course, Oikawa was always chasing dreams, wasn’t he? And chasing dreams always wore him out, didn’t they? He chased after volleyball and found himself worn out. He chased after the winning title against Shiratorizawa and found himself worn out. He chased after the perfect service aces and found himself worn out. He chased after the best grades to get into his preferred high school and found himself worn out. He was chasing Japan’s National Volleyball Team and found himself worn out. What hadn’t he chased, after all this time? How many buses and trains had he chased? How many times did he chase Akio as a child? How many times did he chase Iwa-chan since he was a kid all the way up to this very point? How many times did he chase the day for more time and chase the night for more sleep?

Oikawa had his hand tangled in his hair again, deep in thought. Time was still ticking away in reality, but to both Hajime and Oikawa, in that very room, it felt like Mari’s absence had stopped time (or perhaps, it was the fact that she had been there just before). There air felt stagnant while the two sat in silence, preoccupied with the irreversible things: Oikawa could not take kisses back, and certainly not from his brother’s girlfriend. 

“Does she know you like her?”

When Hajime was met with silence once more, he only stared up at the ceiling, gazing at the glow-in-the-dark stars they had stuck up there when they were kids, although looking more worn out, much like the bedroom’s inhabitant himself. He understood this kind of silence and closed his eyes to take it all in. Hajime was an Oikawa Tooru whisperer, after all. It’s not like he really needed an answer.

~

It had only just occurred to Hajime that he had never been in a room alone with Mari – if Oikawa wasn’t there at least, his brother or his parents were. Somehow, he felt like he simply couldn’t. Not that he was afraid, but more so that he almost felt uncomfortable, as if Mari was a ticking bomb and Hajime felt underqualified to work with someone as complicated as that. She was free-spirited in a sense and that made Hajime nervous, thinking that if she could wrap both the Oikawa brothers around her finger, she could do the same to him. After all, Hajime was too close to the Oikawa’s to not become involved.

“You seem nervous,” she’d said, her lips twitching into a smile as she leaned forward from across the table. “I can see right through you.” Hajime did not protest, because he knew she most certainly could. He knew there was a reason Oikawa was fond of her; she was like him in a lot of ways, which was an eerie feeling somehow. Despite the fact that Hajime felt confident in his understanding of Oikawa, he had no ounce of confidence when it came down to Mari, even if she gave off a similar feeling to him. Ever since he’d heard what she was doing, Hajime felt himself growing angrier every time he saw her. The way she smiled fondly, as if she was just an innocent angel, made Hajime sick. Who could toy with hearts like that? Who could possibly toy with Oikawa Tooru’s heart like that?

Hajime had concluded that if Oikawa was dangerous, then Mari was twofold.

“You don’t have to be so uneasy. Tooru will be back soon, he just stepped out to pick up something for his mother.” Her tone was calm and gentle. If Hajime didn’t know about her as much as he did, he would’ve understood why Oikawa found solace in her words. She could understand a person from just a glance, looked at them right in the eye, and spoke softly, as if there was nobody else in the entire world. She could envelope them into her world so quick, without the person ever knowing how drawn they were to her.

“I’m not uneasy.” Hajime practically snarled at her in an attempt to hide the fact that he was lying.

Mari blinked at him in slight surprise but shook out of it in mere seconds, another smile forming on her lips. She studied him with curiosity, her elbow on the table and her chin resting in her hand, as if she was looking at Hajime for the first time. “Tooru told you, didn’t he?”

“I don’t need him to tell me things, I just know.”

“Then,” she leaned forward, her voice low and steady, “you must know that he likes me a lot. To go as far as to do that to his own brother. Love is such a fickle thing.”

“Are you implying that it’s his fault, when you were the one who kissed him and came onto him several times before?” Hajime could almost feel a lump in his throat – to think he would get hurt on behalf of Oikawa was a new feeling, and not one he wished to welcome.

Instead of answering, she asked another question in return, “Are you maybe jealous of him? That he’s got someone to love so wholeheartedly now and doesn’t need you anymore?”

Hajime was stunned, unable to say anything to Mari in response. He didn’t think he was jealous at all.

“I’m just saying,” she continued on, her voice still sweet, “that after all these years, don’t you think he needs a change? You think you know him but do you really? I mean, you let Tooru break down and he came back with a bloody nose as a result of you trying to shout sense into him. But when I spoke with him, he told me felt a lot better and was happy I believed in him. Have you ever said that to him, Hajime? Have you ever told him that you believed in him?”

Hajime gave it real thought, but he knew that he hadn’t necessarily said that he believed in Oikawa alone. Rather, he had always told Oikawa that he was there for him, that he wasn’t alone in all of it. Hajime had only thought of how he could be there for Oikawa.

A queasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach and his chest suddenly felt tight – Hajime felt overwhelmed with guilt. Oikawa had always joked that Hajime was almost like a mother, trying to remind him to take care of himself and to remember that he was there for him in his times of need. How could he not of have said the most important thing to Oikawa, after all this time? Of course Hajime believed in Oikawa’s strength, that fact alone was proven by how hard he worked. But Hajime wanted to remind Oikawa that one person’s strength is not the only factor in volleyball. Did Oikawa not want to hear that? Was Oikawa hurt that Hajime had not told him this?

Mari pushed strands of hair behind her ear and inched closer to Hajime, her knee touching his. “Well, that was just my first guess. Want to hear my second one?”

When Hajime didn’t say a word, she took it as an indication to answer. “If you’re not jealous of Oikawa, let’s say, then are you jealous of me?”

“…you?”

“Do you like me, Hajime?” Before Hajime had realized it, her hand was on his leg and she was smiling at him in that sickly sweet smile of hers. He took in a breath, as if to remind himself where he was, who he was with, what he was doing, and promptly grabbed her by her wrist and flung her arm away from him.

He left in disconcerted anger, at Mari and at himself, for leaving an opening for her to grab hold of. Oikawa would hear about it when he came home, of course, but it would be her own twisted version of it, and he and Hajime wouldn’t speak for weeks. Oikawa would turn the other way when he saw Hajime approaching and, practically out of guilt, Hajime would do the same. It was true, while Oikawa chased all kinds of dreams, Hajime had only chased Oikawa, struggling to be next to him because he thought they were an inseparable set of partners, a team. Oikawa wouldn’t chase him. And Hajime thought he should stop pulling Oikawa back – he should just believe in his strength alone.

~

“Where are you going?!” Hajime was shouting, his voice almost quivering as he spoke to Oikawa for the first time in weeks. Oikawa was haphazardly packing his bag, practically throwing and shoving clothes in it in a rush. He ran from one side of his room to the other, gathering pieces of clothing, his hair products, his toothbrush from the adjoining bathroom, as if he had no time to waste to think about what he was doing. His hair was a mess from running all the way home in a mad dash after receiving some call right at the end of their extra Sunday practice. Hajime watched Oikawa’s expression fill with gloom and ran after him out of worry, only to be shocked to find Oikawa packing.

“I asked you a question!” Hajime grabbed the collar of Oikawa’s shirt and forced him to face him.

“Let go of me!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?! What happened, Oikawa?”

He pulled himself free from Hajime and looked him right in the eye, a fierce expression on his face and his eyes ablaze with anger. “You don’t have the right to ask me that. You judged me and got mad at me for liking Mari, but you were doing the same behind my back!”

Hajime’s hands shook, both out of anger and despair. He knew Mari would twist the situation. She could convince anyone of anything, what with her pretty looks and her sweet voice.

“I never liked her! Whatever she told you is a lie!”

“Mari doesn’t lie to me!”

“Why the fuck would I lie to you?!”

They were childhood friends, borne into an inevitable friendship, fostered throughout the years – Hajime wanted to put all his bets on that bond. He wanted to beg Oikawa to listen to him.

“Listen to me, Oikawa,” Hajime tried to calm his voice down to talk to the already angered Oikawa more rationally. “She’s playing you, me, and Akio. I never liked her but she tried to push me away from you and she told you lies to push you away from me. I bet you any money she’s going to separate you and Akio too. She even tried to come onto me, Oikawa. You’re going to get hurt, doing whatever she tells you to do.”

“I’m not going to get hurt. She loves me more than Akio anyway and I’m the only person that can help her now.”

Hajime looked at Oikawa stunned. “What do you mean? Are you two running away together or something?”

Oikawa paused, as if calculating his next move, but held his gaze in that confident, stubborn way of his. “Akio is a coward.” He decided to declare. Turning around, he zipped up his bag and walked past Hajime, rushing down the stairs and out of the door.

Hajime ran after him – like he always did, he now realized – and followed him into the train station. There weren’t as many people out and about on the Sunday evening as usual, most likely home since the week would begin the next day. Oikawa was only a few steps ahead, his head easily visible through all of the people that were bustling through the station. They walked through the main area of the station, a large pentagon shaped section that had several booths for tickets in the middle and food stalls and convenience stores covering the walls in between entrance ways to get to the platforms. Oikawa had stopped shortly to stare at the digital board in the middle, showing onlookers the times of arriving and departing trains and which platform they could be found in. Once he had found where was supposed to go, he pushed through a group of confused tourists and walked through an entryway for platforms one to six.

They crossed a slightly narrow section of the station, practically a larger hallway with strange murals and advertisements clinging to the walls on either side, and used their passes to gain entry to the departing platforms once they had reached the end. Three sets of steep, gray stairs led to specific platforms. On the left side, there was the entrance to platforms 1 and 2, while on the right side were platforms 5 and 6. However, Oikawa practically ran up the stairs to platforms 3 and 4, where several people awaited for the 4 o’ clock train to arrive and take them away.

They had entered into platform 3 but Hajime watched Oikawa do a quick scan and proceed to walk towards the other side, where platform 4 stood, the marked faded blue number 4 just barely noticeable on the concrete gray pillars that held up the shelter above them. It was not necessarily crowded, so Oikawa moved towards the end of the platform with ease, Hajime just a few steps behind but clearly still unnoticed.

Mari was there, in the flesh, her hair slightly blowing in the wind and several bags at her feet. She was wearing sunglasses and stood with her arms crossed, as if she was guarding herself and all her belongings. Oikawa gently touched her arm as he dropped his bag next to all of hers and she turned to him in surprise, pushing up her sunglasses to look at Oikawa in the eye.

Hajime stood behind them, a few feet away, leaning against the pillar and trying to calm his thoughts. It looked like Mari was about to run away, and Oikawa had every intention to follow her. 

“You actually came,” she breathed out, almost out of relief. She didn’t sound sweet like she usually did, Hajime noted. But she still gave off an aura of composure and ambiguities.

“You don’t have to run away, you know,” Oikawa was saying it so gently to her. “I’ll help you. To hell with Akio, he’s a coward. I’ll love you.”

At that, Mari made a face of grimace – the first Hajime had ever seen on her. Her face contorted into an awful expression, as if she was somebody completely different. Her mouth frowned deeply and her eyebrows were furrowed almost exaggeratedly, her forehead showing two creases of frustration. Suddenly, she pulled her arm away from Oikawa and slapped him right across his cheek. Only a few other people witnessed it, but no one said a word. The air hung stagnant around them with tension, and Hajime could only watch. It took all of Hajime’s self-control to not walk over there and push the bitch onto those train tracks – instead, he settled on breathing in and out, his body beginning to shake with anger.

“I love Akio, don’t call him a coward,” she spat out. And then, as if realizing the kind of monstrous face she wore, she massaged her temples and breathed in and out, recollecting herself. “And I have to run away. I can’t stay here and tell my parents that I’ve gotten myself pregnant.”

A cold shiver ran down Hajime’s spine as she had said it. Things began to click in right away, pieces finally fitting together: Mari was leaving with the baby, probably wanted Akio to take responsibility but he refused, and now she called Tooru in his place. As if a father could be replaced so easily.

“Akio doesn’t really love me…” she said, almost in a trance. Oikawa had his hand placed on his cheek and continued to watch her in both shock and wonder, unable to say anything. “He said it was like a dream to date me. And you know Tooru, seven days is all it takes to fulfill a dream. We’ve been going out for months now. He probably doesn’t love me anymore.”

“I know Akio’s scared about all this,” Oikawa finally said, his voice quivering. “But aren’t you just assuming things?”

“Love is just conditional, isn’t it?” When Mari spoke, her voice was raw – absolutely nothing like the sweet and innocent tone Hajime was so used to hearing. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him up close, her expression full of an intense rage. “You say you love me but just watch, in seven days you’ll be fed up with me and move on. And then you’ll move on from that person. And then the next, and then the next. There is no such thing as a genuine, fated love that actually lasts. True love comes from the heart and the heart only. And neither yours – nor Akio’s heart, at that – are big enough to fill me up.”

She released her hold of him and shoved something in his pocket that Hajime couldn’t see.

The clock had struck four and the train could be seen in the distance, rushing towards them just as it was scheduled to. Oikawa was trying to convince her to stay, or at least, let him come with her. She refused and told him that if he followed her onto this train, she would never speak to him again.

Before she stepped onto the train, she looked over to Oikawa and the sight brought her to tears. She began to cry, her face contorting again as her frown deepened. “I never said I loved you, and that’s because I don’t. I was just seeing how much Akio loved me and it’s clear he doesn’t care whether I mess with his brother or his brother’s friends. I thought that if it’s his own brother he would do something, anything, but he just let things be, pretending like nothing was going on.” She pulled out a tissue from her jacket’s pocket and wiped her tears.

Hajime took a good look at Oikawa, standing there as if the person he was in love with wasn’t just stabbing him over and over again. She finally admitted to playing around with him, and all for the sake of trying to get Akio’s attention because she felt like she loved him more than he loved her. What else could she have lied about, then? Oikawa’s solace these past few months were her sweet, soothing words – how she believed in him, encouraged him, liked him (better than Akio, sometimes). Which ones were the lies?

Oikawa looked worn out; his eyes were not really looking at anything in particular and every one of his movements was slower than usual, as if he was having troubling willing himself to go any further. It was the total opposite of the Oikawa Tooru that Hajime had come to know. Oikawa Tooru was an ambitious guy, constantly chasing dreams and always working hard, not even knowing that the word “limitation” exists, because he wouldn’t dare to believe that he has a limit. His will was his strongest point and Hajime had always thought he had an abundance of it. Where was this Oikawa Tooru?

“You don’t know how to love,” Mari stated, her voice quivering as she spoke. She stepped onto the train with all her bags. “Your love is like Akio’s – it’s conditional and it’ll only last a short while. You don’t know a thing about falling in love or being in love. And I don’t want your love anyway. I just don’t care.”

She walked inside and a few seconds passed; the air standing still as if holding its breath before the old gray train with faded advertisements rushed out of their sight. Hajime found himself still shaking – with anger and contempt – that she had practically shoved all of Oikawa’s love away. Oikawa would never do anything half-assed. He lived in extremes and he doesn’t know what limits are – how could that not be enough?

When the train couldn’t be seen anymore even in the distance, Hajime walked up to Oikawa and touched his shoulder, jolting him out of his thoughts. Oikawa was hurt – hurt by being slapped and hurt by the fact that he was ready to give up everything for her and she didn’t think it was enough. She had played him this whole time and didn’t even want his help when she was in dire need, as if he was some kind of insect. He had devoted himself, had chased this dream with all his might, only to be shoved aside. He looked tired and worn out. And despite his self-control, Hajime could see tears in his eyes, not the ones that trickle out, but the ones that sting your eyes and blur your vision completely.

“I guess you were right, Iwa-chan.” His voice shook and his hands were balled into fists. He couldn’t even look at Hajime in the eye as he said it.

That memory stayed with Hajime forever – the pained expression on Oikawa’s face after being told that even his love was not enough. Nothing that Oikawa did seem to be enough – not with volleyball, not with school, nothing. Oikawa was left in the dark again, still chasing his dreams, and finding himself worn out.

~

Wednesday

Hajime knew Seijou’s Prince was born as soon as they had entered high school. Oikawa was not himself for the last remaining month of middle school, but somehow groomed himself up to be the prince right after graduation. A part of Hajime had wanted to punch his pretty face into oblivion when he first realized about Oikawa’s dating habits in high school – how he suddenly started going out with random people for a week and then broke up with them right after – but in the end, he simply let Oikawa do it. Oikawa wasn’t like Hajime; he didn’t start to hate things the way he did. Instead, Oikawa was the type to fling himself right into chaos and make himself stronger by trying to fight his way out of it.

You know the only real way to cure pain is to add a little more, because everything new distracts the old.

It was as if Oikawa was the living example of that phrase, Hajime had thought.

In the end, their date was better after Hajime got Oikawa to speak his mind. Hajime had not forgotten about that phrase: “seven days is all it takes to fulfill a dream”. Oikawa had only reminded him of it and suddenly decided to change the topic, asking Hajime to ignore it all. He then said he was right, they both should enjoy themselves to the fullest and let things be. They’d gone to a movie afterward and then Oikawa dropped Hajime at his doorstep again before saying goodbye.

But somehow, being reminded of that phrase left Hajime unsettled. He thought Oikawa’s dating habits were a result of what had happened in the past – he knew that much – but he thought that Oikawa had forgotten about Mari by doing this. Wasn’t that the point? By dating more people, he would just forget about the Mari and learn to love somebody new?

“Hey, Oikawa-senpai,” Yahaba called out casually in the change room, “were you asked out this week too? Who’re you dating now?”

“Wow, you’re quite forward there Yahaba,” Watari interjected with a smile on his face. “Even though you know Oikawa-senpai never tells on who he’s dating.”

Oikawa continued to ignore them while he changed, but Hajime’s heart was not sitting still in his chest. Everyone on the team was here in this cramped changing room and Hajime felt curious eyes following Oikawa’s movements, thinking that he would really admit to it this time. The Prince certainly had that ambiguous aura about him, making other people all the more curious.

Impulsively, Hajime turned around to face them. “Well, this week, it’s actually me.” He pointed at himself, for extra emphasis and stated it with a sure confidence.

The entire change room fell silent as every member, some mid-changing, looked at Hajime and Oikawa incredulously. Even Oikawa looked a bit surprised himself, but that wasn’t something anyone noticed besides Hajime.

“What?” Hajime asked through furrowed brows and a deep scowl.

“Don’t look so serious when you’re making a joke, Iwaizumi!” Hanamaki had fallen to the floor in laughter, clutching his bare stomach.

“My heart almost stopped,” Matsukawa said with a hand over his heart a stunned expression to go along. “Even if the two of you fight like an old married couple, you’re too different from each other.”

At that, several members laughed, each with their own sets of comments.

“Yeah, you don’t suit each other at all!”

“How can childhood friends suddenly act like lovers anyway, eh?”

“What a joke!”

“Iwaizumi would probably pull all his hair out trying to make Oikawa happy!”

Oikawa turned to Hajime with a small smile. “Iwa-chan, don’t mind. If you want I can—“

“No it’s fine.” Hajime sighed and left the change room. Really, Matsukawa and Hanamaki were such bastards – they came up with the idea and now that it’s happened, they don’t even believe them.

~

Thinking back on it, Hajime kept mulling over whether he felt like the date with Oikawa was pink or not. Was it really pink? No skirts, no cafes, no ice cream, no shopping, not even hand-holding…

“Hanamaki,” Hajime said as he helped him with his stretches, “you went out with Oikawa in our first year of high school, didn’t you?”

Hajime could feel Hanamaki tense up only slightly, but he turned to him with a big grin. “Yup! How funny that I got to become friends with you, Oikawa, and Issei after that huh? The world works in mysterious ways~”

“So uh, forgive me for being so forward but,” even Hajime fought against the blush that crept up his neck. But well, he was curious. “How far did you guys go? Did you do it?”

If feeling childish himself by asking like this wasn’t bad enough, it was Hanamaki’s burst of laughter that made it worse. When he finally settled down, Hanamaki looked up at Hajime and came to the realization that Hajime was serious (given he was scowling, after all). Suddenly, he covered his chest while trying to control his laughter and said, “Listen, Iwaizumi. I get that you’re upset about your girlfriend dumping you and my drop-dead gorgeous looks can seduce any man within a one-meter radius, but, my heart belongs to Issei only.”

“You’re disgusting.” Hajime smacked him upside the head and scowled some more. “I’m not asking for your dirty details as means of flirting, dumbass.”

Hanamaki sat up and crossed his legs, as if ready to tell an invigorating story. “Whether it’s putting his arm around you or holding your hand, he never does anything unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“Seriously?”

“Yup, I’ve even heard some interesting rumours, like girls trying to force him into doing stuff, but as far as I know he won’t even kiss you and he’s pretty hard to trick, at that.”

Hajime blamed Hanamaki for making him more curious – why did Oikawa go that far as to never touch them? He wondered for a moment if it had anything to do with Mari, but put the thought aside. Oikawa was dating other people to forget about her. Hajime assumed this was simply an act of courtesy on Oikawa’s part. He may have been flirtatious, but he was sincere, putting meaning into things likes kisses.

Perhaps, if he didn’t love them, he thought it was meaningless to kiss them. That thought made Hajime a little disappointed.

“Can I ask you a question now?” Hanamaki stood up and adjusted the hem of his shorts. “Aren’t you the ~Oikawa Expert~ here? Didn’t you know that?”

Hajime shook his head. “Oikawa and I don’t talk about the people we date. He doesn’t even tell me who he’s dating.” Somehow, saying it out loud stung Hajime, just a little bit.

“What’s up with that? Why not?”

“I’m not really sure myself,” Hajime said, averting his gaze from Hanamaki now. Truth be told, he really didn’t know for sure, but he had a hunch as to why. “But I think it might be because in the past, Oikawa thought I liked the same person as him, and he thought that this person might’ve actually been interested in me.”

“So you think he’s basically making sure other people don’t leave him for you?” Hanamaki’s voice was low and serious, which was unlike him. The atmosphere around them had turned a bit gloomy and Hanamaki decided to change the subject, not asking any further.

Oikawa and Hajime walked home alone after their private practice, where Oikawa serves relentlessly and Hajime tries to receive them all. The sky overhead was getting darker and the air getting colder, fallen leaves being crushed under their feet. Hajime’s mind continued to think about Oikawa’s reservations with his partners – or more so, he wondered whether it was related to Mari in particular. Mari was a name etched in Hajime’s brain, a person forever engraved in his memories. Somehow, every now and then, Hajime wondered how Oikawa felt now about her, whether he still loved her not. After all these dating partners, does he still love her? Is that why he hadn’t settled on one?

The thought made Hajime frustrated. She had treated Oikawa like shit and if he found out he was still pining over her after all these years, he wanted to punch something. The very idea of it made Hajime fill up with anger. But he was too afraid to ask about her either. The more he considered Oikawa as a boyfriend the more he didn’t want to know what his true feelings about Mari were. Somehow, even after she had left them at the train station those years ago, Hajime could never work up the courage to ask Oikawa directly. She was the first person to have hurt Oikawa so badly – toying with him and then throwing him aside like it all meant nothing. And then she had practically wedged herself between them. Their friendship – the one that Hajime really counted on for its tenacity and endurance – was breaking so easily because of her. Hajime never wanted to experience that ever again.

“I’m so annoyed!” Hajime declared suddenly and grabbed Oikawa’s hand to pull him along. He took off in a sprint, Oikawa being forced to follow his lead out of confusion, and they ran hand-in-hand towards the park. It was dimly lit with a few scattered street lamps here and there. The main entrance to the park was marked by a rather large fountain still flowing with water in different directions and split into two sections: one side was the hiking trails, the other side eventually led to a playground for kids and numerous picnic spots. Hajime made the split second decision to enter the hiking trails, following the path into the woods.

They kept running through, in a kind of hurry, with leaves and little twigs crunching beneath their feet. The sun had practically set, but there was still a bit of light to guide them further in, where Hajime finally settled down as they reached a tiny, old wooden bridge. There was a small stream of water that flowed beneath it, completely clear with faint sounds of water flowing. There the two stood, in the middle of the bridge, entirely surrounded by trees on all sides of them.

Somehow, there was a kind of tranquil silence here – it wasn’t that there were no sounds per se, but the fact that it was just the two of them, not speaking a word and just listening to the sounds of water flowing and the birds chirping and the soft hum of the wind. They stood there still holding hands, Hajime leaning onto the railing, watching for fish that might swim by. Oikawa hadn’t said anything and hadn’t tried to take his hand back, so Hajime felt a little relieved and almost comforted by his presence.

Several minutes must have passed when Hajime spotted a couple not too far away from them, giggling as they talked. Hajime felt as if there was a shift in the air, nothing like how tranquil things were just before. Oikawa’s hand tensed up in his too, but it was only for a moment. He had not let go, and Hajime wasn’t planning to either. It wasn’t that Hajime’s comforting silence had been broken, but, it was something else. Something rather peculiar that had changed the feeling of things as they were now for Hajime.

When that couple began to kiss, Hajime was overwhelmed by the realization that he wanted to do it too. He wondered if that was in the air – the intense desire to kiss the boy holding his hand – that made him feel so impulsive and lack control.

“Tooru,” he said in a gentle voice as he moved closer to him and looked him in the eye.

It clearly took Oikawa by surprise and he could only stare at Hajime, speechless, like a deer in headlights. Hajime recoiled; now second-guessing himself and wondering what the hell it was he was doing, trying to kiss his best friend and all.

Out of embarrassment and feeling like he was getting back into reality, Hajime closed his eyes shut to recollect himself. He had only intended to open them quickly, but he didn’t.

Or, more so, he couldn’t.

He felt the warmth of Oikawa’s breath on his lips, and then, Oikawa’s lips pressing up against his.

~

Thursday

“You know, I’ve almost gotten used to you calling at 5 in the morning, but it’s 4 in the morning and I want to inherently kill you.” Hajime rubbed his eyes as he sat up in his bed, his voice groggy and barely audible over the phone.

“Sorry I…haven’t been able to sleep.” Oikawa sounded breathless and his voice hoarser than usual, Hajime noted.

A few moments of silence passed – it was in these moments that Hajime realized even Oikawa was thinking about their kiss. It pissed off Hajime thinking back on it, how he’d gotten tricked by Hanamaki of all people!

“Look here, that kiss yesterday was a trick on Hanamaki’s part, okay?” Hajime said with a sigh.

From the other end, the sound of Oikawa’s relieved laughter surprised Hajime. “You say it’s a trick on his part but really, it was more like a trap on yours, wasn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“You closed your eyes all of a sudden when you called my name and moved closer! What in the world were you thinking about anyway?”

Hajime blushed suddenly while recalling it and tensed up. “I…honestly don’t know? Why did you kiss me anyway?

“I don’t know!” Oikawa said rather loudly, his voice higher. “When you looked like that I just thought I should? So I did.”

“What—“

“Anyway, Iwa-chan,” he said quickly before Hajime could ask further. “Let’s eat alone today, just the two of us. I’ll meet you on the rooftop of the south building at lunch time!”

Normally, if Oikawa wasn’t taking lunch time to practice in the gym, he would eat with Hajime, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa in the classroom. Lately, however, Oikawa had been diligent enough to be eating with the three of them in the classroom instead of practicing. Hajime was inclined to believe it was because they were dating this week and felt this strange kind of goodness about it, especially since he knew Oikawa rarely ate lunch with his partners either. He was always practicing volleyball instead.

Just as Oikawa had said, Hajime went up to the rooftop of the south building to find him there, sitting in the shade with milk bread and a Mama Tooru’s special lunchbox (his mother was a lively person, still making Oikawa’s lunches as if he was an elementary school kid, but he never complained). Next to him sat a black coffee, warming up Hajime’s spot.

They talked about silly things like usual – how Zilla-chan bit Kyoutani Kentarou because his face was so menacing, how Ushiwaka was recently interviewed for a news story about Japan’s Youth Volleyball, how much Oikawa hates Ushiwaka’s guts, etcetera.

They had almost finished eating when Oikawa’s phone rang, but he promptly decided to ignore it as soon as he had seen the caller on the screen and slipped it back into his pocket. The second time it rang and the second time Oikawa ignored it, Hajime wondered what was wrong.

“What? Is someone stalking the prince or something? Or is it an ex?” He joked, his face forming a wide grin on his face. “It’s okay, just answer it. I don’t mind.”

But Oikawa only shook his head in response. He didn’t look as carefree as before – Hajime could always note Oikawa’s change in emotion. “It’s fine, and it’s not an ex. Though I don’t answer unknown calls.”

This was something Hajime hadn’t known. “You don’t answer them? Even if they’re your ex or something?”

Oikawa gave him a weary smile. “Well, I actually delete their numbers after we’ve broken up. I think it would be rude to the person I’m dating if I kept receiving calls from my ex’s, right?”

Hajime could feel his chest tighten. He felt hurt hearing that, but he wasn’t entirely sure why. In truth, up until now, he had never considered the idea that Oikawa might actually delete his number and cut off contact with Hajime after they’ve broken up. Would he really do it, despite being best friends since childhood? Oikawa always stayed true to his word – he was ambitious like that, sure, but was he also cruel like that too?

When the phone rang again for the third time, Hajime felt himself get angrier at the sound of the ringtone. He abruptly snatched Oikawa’s phone and answered it.

“What?” Hajime growled into the phone.

“…Tooru?”

That voice was unmistakeable.

“Iwa-chan, what are you doing?!” Oikawa was shouting in surprise and took the phone back. He ended the call immediately and looked over at Hajime, a perplexed expression on his face.

“Why are you still talking to an ex?” He snarled out.

“That wasn’t an ex.”

“You could practically say she was!” Hajime grabbed Oikawa by the collar.

“Loving her is not the same as dating, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa was calm, talking to him slowly and meeting his gaze with confidence. He grabbed Hajime’s hand and pulled it away from his shirt.

“Does that mean you still love her?” And in his heart, Hajime couldn’t help but add even though you’re with me?

Oikawa gave a weary smile, “Let bygones be bygones, Iwa-chan.”

~

Just like always, Oikawa was cheerful still at practice. He never lost that eerie concentration he immersed himself in and his plays were downright frightening, especially during the private practice the two of them had together afterwards. They were only speaking to each other in regards to volleyball, even though Hajime knew ignoring problems wasn’t really the best solution. Oikawa and Hajime weren’t good at talking, though. It always took them a few fights about the same problem to fix it properly.

Now that Hajime thought about it, it was rather funny that he’d fought with Oikawa during their dating period much more than he had with his previous girlfriends, even though it hadn’t even been a week of them dating yet. Their usual fights before they dated weren’t anything special and never weighed Hajime down, but these ‘lovers quarrels’ were mentally and physically tolling. Was Oikawa’s heart really this difficult to pry open?

It didn’t matter, Hajime decided. This one week was supposed to be enjoyed to the fullest with Seijou’s Prince.

“I’m sorry I overreacted,” he found himself saying to Oikawa on their walk back home.

The wind had picked up and pushed away Oikawa’s bangs from his face, mkaing the surprised expression he wore all the more defined. Oikawa gave Hajime a knowing smile, the kind that comforted Hajime. “Hmm…I guess I’ll forgive you, since you’re Iwa-chan.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hajime was returning Oikawa’s smile, suddenly feeling lighter.

“Normally you would’ve bashed my head against the wall right? I’m proud of you, Iwa-chan. You practiced self-control! You’ve grown up to be a fine boyfriend~”

“Shut up, moron.” Hajime replied. “Of course I wouldn’t bash your head in. You’re my boyfriend, I have to treat you gently.”

“Not to burst your bubble Iwa-chan, but you already hurt my delicate face when you threw volleyballs at me the other day.”

“For the record, I didn’t know we were dating at the time, and you were pissing me off. Also, you’re not delicate at all.”

“Look at me! Of course I am!”

“I’ve seen you change, dumbass. Those thighs are nothing but muscle.”

“Ohoho~ Why are you watching me change, Iwa-chan~” Hajime promptly hit Oikawa in the arm to get rid of that incredibly cute teasing look on his face.

When they had turned onto Hajime’s street, with his house not far down, Hajime felt Oikawa slip his hand into his. Like this, they walked to his house in silence. Hajime hadn’t felt the nervousness of holding hands in a long time. He wasn’t nervous the first time he did it with Oikawa because he had initiated it, but this time, it was Oikawa who took his hand. It was welcomed, of course, but Hajime didn’t quite understand Oikawa. Was he doing this because it was part of the dating itinerary? Or was he doing it just because he wanted to? And if so, why did he want to do it?

He wanted to ask, even opened his mouth to do so, but settled on letting things be. He was afraid that if he asked, Oikawa might take his hand back, and Hajime realized he didn’t want his hand to be so lonely.

“I’ll try to be good tomorrow,” Hajime declared just before he had to let go of Oikawa’s hand. “I won’t be so jealous about your ex’s calling and stuff. And I’ll try not to think about Mari.”

Oikawa stared at him in clear amusement, his lips twitching into a dangerous smile. “What do you mean by jealous?”

“Huh? Because the phone kept ringing and you were ignoring it, so I thought your ex kept calling even though you’re mine and I –“

“Ahhhh no wait, stop, please Iwa-chan!!” Oikawa interrupted as he covered his face with his free hand. “I didn’t know you were this possessive of the people you date.”

Hajime couldn’t help but blush and covered his own face with his hand. When he looked up at Oikawa, he got the impulse to pry his hand away from his face so he could take a good look at him. Slowly, Hajime reached over and pulled it away, witnessing Oikawa blushing in embarrassment. He pouted at him as if angry, but Hajime couldn’t help but think how cute he looked.

“Stop staring like that!” Oikawa said, taking his hand back.

“Sorry…”

“…I like it.”

“What?”

Oikawa leaned in and hovered close to Hajime’s ear. “I like you being possessive of me.”

Hajime jumped back, covering his ear in astonishment. “Don’t say such disgusting things!”

When Oikawa laughed, that genuine kind that Hajime rarely gets to see anymore, everything in the world felt bright and new all of a sudden. If only time could stop still for a few moments longer, Hajime had thought.

Hajime stepped up closer to Oikawa and cupped his cheeks with his hands, pulling him in for a kiss when he was still smiling. Hajime could feel Oikawa’s smile while he kissed him and felt it change against his lips to kiss him back, slow and almost hesitant. When they broke free, Hajime ran back into his house without another word, his heart clamouring in his chest uncontrollably.

~

  Friday

“Iwaizumi, would you please do me the honour?” Matsukawa asked Friday morning, knelt down on one knee, holding out a pair of tickets in his hand as if he was giving Hajime a ring. The smirk on his face only pissed Hajime off more.

“You are absolutely disgusting.” He said, pushing aside Matsukawa’s gift-bearing hands. “And why aren’t you going with Hanamaki to whatever this is?”

“Because,” he said as he got up and pulled over a chair, “I got these movie tickets from my dad but I already saw it last week with Takahiro, since, you know, we always go out opening day for our beloved Leo. Even my sister’s seen it already.”

“See, it’s so much easier when you say things to me normally.”

Matsukawa pouted – a clear, exaggerated imitation of a certain volleyball captain. “Anyway, just take the tickets. Use them as an excuse to ask out your next girlfriend ~”

“Shut up, dumbass.”

“Ah by the way, they’re only good for next weekend so make sure you use them on the specified date and time, okay?”

“Hmm, sounds good. Thanks.”

“…You look like you already have someone in mind to take?”

Hajime looked up to a smirking Matsukawa, staring at him as if he knows everything. Hajime had tried to tell him and Hanamaki that he was dating Oikawa this week, but they hadn’t believed him. Since that pissed Hajime off, he didn’t feel like telling Matsukawa about it anymore.

Hajime had called out to Oikawa when he saw that his class was having gym outside. It was strange – even though they had been best friends since childhood, Hajime never thought to look for Oikawa nor did he notice him right away. But now, things were different. Hajime had spotted the top of Oikawa’s head all the way from the window on the third floor and found Oikawa running far away in the soccer field. Hajime had made his way down and stood at the edge of the field, furthest away from the teachers so they didn’t get caught chatting.

“Oh wow Iwa-chan, you’d go as far as skipping class just to see my pretty face, huh?” It was relieving that Oikawa was still cheerful and playful even today, despite the fact that Hajime had stolen a kiss from him the night before. He almost felt guilty about it, but then again, hadn’t Oikawa taken one from him too? So really, it was retribution.

“If anything, I’m here to see your pretty face hit the ground. Soccer really isn’t your game.”

“So mean, Iwa-chan! Just so you know, I’ve done pretty well so far and even scored twice.”

“Congrats, should I kiss you as a reward?”

Oikawa blushed almost immediately and that only made Hajime all the more embarrassed.

“Shittykawa…don’t react like that, you dumbass! You’re so stupid! So stupid!”

“I get it, I get it!” He pouted, covering his cheeks with his hands. “What’s up? Why’d you come here?”

Hajime pulled out the movie tickets from his pocket to show him, “I got these from Matsukawa. They’re free tickets to next weekend’s show for that new Leonardo DiCaprio movie…are you free for a date?”

“A…date?”

Oikawa looked uncertain and hesitant, and it was only then that things clicked into place for Hajime. Next weekend, Oikawa would be dating someone else, so asking him out now was something he had to refuse.

Because this was all temporary. It only takes seven days to fulfill a dream, after all.

The more Hajime thought about it, the more he realized that this would imply that Oikawa hadn’t fallen in love with Hajime. Does that mean on Sunday, Oikawa will break up with Hajime for sure? Had he already decided on it? If Hajime could ask him to go as friends right now, Oikawa would probably say yes, because this dating farce wouldn’t change their childhood bond, right?

So then, why did Hajime feel so hurt? He didn’t want to ask him as a friend. He couldn’t get himself to.

“Oikawa! What are you doing chatting? Get back here!”

“Ah shit…let’s talk about it later Iwa-chan?”

~ 

Later became their walk together back home after practice, under a darkening sky and cool wind in their hair. They walked side by side, like they always did, a comforting silence between them. Hajime noticed that the last of the leaves that were clinging onto the tree branches had fallen, indicating that winter was about to come and hit them full force.

“Why are these in my pocket?” Oikawa had asked, pulling on Hajime’s arm to make him stop walking.

“Just take them.” He knew his tone was soaked in all kinds of passive-aggressiveness, but he meant it, truly. “You can go to the show with whomever you’re dating next week.” Hajime began to walk again, but Oikawa stopped him once more.

“I don’t get you, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa declared, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

“Huh?”

“Yesterday, you got jealous about my past lovers, and today, you’re just giving me up to them?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I was really happy!” Oikawa practically shouted. “I was really so happy!”

“Then why are you upset now?” Hajime shouted back, his temper steadily rising. Oikawa was truly so confusing. “You’re gonna break up with me on Sunday, right?”

“You just decided that on your own!”

“…what?”

Oikawa closed his eyes, breathed in, and opened them again, staring hard at Hajime. He looked hurt – every muscle of his face, even the way he looked at Hajime indicated that he was hurt. It was an expression that was so similar to when he had said goodbye to Mari. Or when he had a breakdown in front of Kageyama. Or when he’s lost at the tournament to Shiratorizawa again. Over and over, the kind of pain he bottled up and never shared with anyone, not even Hajime.

“You break up with everyone on Sunday, am I wrong?” Hajime demanded, his tone becoming furious. “Because you’re still in love with Mari, aren’t you? That’s why you break up with them every week? She won’t love you so you keep up this dating farce because she told you that you’d get over her in seven days eventually, didn’t she?”

Oikawa shook his head and opened his mouth to say something, but Hajime interjected. “Everything new distracts the old,” he said abruptly. “But the fact of the matter is, the old still exists in your heart and distractions are just temporary.”

“Why do you keep bringing up Mari?” His voice was shaky and small, but even Hajime could tell Oikawa was getting more and more pissed off. “I told you! Forget about Mari!”

“She still calls you, Oikawa. And she’s not even an unknown number. It’s been three years since she practically broke you and you’re still talking to her. Even though you’re with me now!”

“Who cares if I do?! What does it matter!”

“I care! Don’t let that toxic whore into your life! You’re Oikawa Tooru for fuck’s sake. You don’t get bogged down by people like her. You move on and you show them up!”

“I’m fucking trying!!” Oikawa shouted so loud his voice cracked at the end. He coughed and sat on the ground all of a sudden, as if all his energy was completely depleted. “Iwa-chan, liking you is so hard. You’re always putting yourself down, thinking that this will end inevitably. It’s like you’re trying to safeguard yourself by thinking ‘as if Oikawa will fall in love with someone like me’, ya know?”

Giving up, Hajime dropped his bag and sat on the ground too, crossing his legs. “I really don’t get what you mean.”

“I mean, you keep thinking that you’re a disappointment, even though I haven’t said anything, and assume we’d break up. You keep thinking that you won’t meet my expectations and you’re just like everyone else I’ve dated. It’s really so annoying, Iwa-chan.”

“Isn’t it true though? I am like everyone else you’ve dated, probably a lot more brutish and short-tempered. I’ve yelled at you countless times and consequently gotten you angry a handful of times too.”

Oikawa sighed. “Iwa-chan, I have no expectations of you. Actually, I knew all your bad faults before we even started dating and because you knew that, you made no conscious effort to hide them either. And better yet, you knew me already too. You knew what I liked and didn’t like. You gave me space when I needed it and told me exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it the most. You’ve always been able to figure out when I’m upset and you never ignore it either – you always ask me what’s wrong and you always manage to cheer me up. I seriously don’t know why you’re so insecure about everything. How can you say that we don’t have something good going for us?”

“…but, what about Mari?”

Oikawa gave a huge, exaggerated sigh as he held his head in his hands. “Iwa-chan, are you free tomorrow? There’s something I want to show you no matter what.”

“You saying ‘no matter what’ means I don’t have a choice, do I?”

~

Saturday

The two boys stood in front of a two story, light beige wooden house, waiting for someone to answer the door. The garden was the most impeccable thing about the place – the house was small and even somewhat old, but the garden was filled with fountains and beautiful landscapes, most likely inhabited by a wide array of flowers (though most had not bloomed due to the cold weather). Carefully planted blue and violet hydrangeas sat in two large pots on either side of the front of the door, with a tiny blue bird feeder that hung on the beams of the porch. The house was three stops away from their usual route to school, but the walk to the house wasn’t necessarily too far from it. Overall it was a cute, small place, somehow welcoming and homely in a strange sense.

When the door finally opened, a man holding a small child greeted them. He looked exhausted, but his smile showed genuine happiness, as did his son’s.

Hajime locked his eyes with the father immediately, abruptly hit with a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. They both recognized each other in an instant and the silence that filled their meeting was almost uncomfortable.

This was Akio. It was Akio’s home and – no doubt – Akio’s son.

Hajime hadn’t heard what had really happened from Oikawa. Mari had left home, run away with all her belongings, and her parents searched for her. She became a taboo subject after that. Then, after a month since then, Akio moved out since he was done high school. Hajime knew Akio had stopped visiting their family and the last he was told, Akio had found a job somewhere in the city but hadn’t been in contact with anyone in particular. 

“I swear he gets twice the size every time I see him,” Oikawa said with a laugh.

“Takeru is growing up way too fast. It’s kind of stunning even for a parent.” Akio laughed kind of like Oikawa did, his eyes almost closing and his smile bright. He had grown out his brown hair, which settled just above his shoulders in perfect waves. Despite being the older sibling, Akio was shorter than Oikawa by a couple inches, but his build was stronger and broader in comparison. He gestured them inside and let his son down, who crawled his way towards the kitchen almost immediately. “Mari’s in the backyard, please make yourselves at home.”

Just at the sound of her name, Hajime’s heart beat rapidly, as if he was about to face his most loathsome fear. He spotted her coming inside, sliding the door open and closed that led to the backyard.

“At last, I finally get to see ‘Iwa-chan’ again, huh?” Mari was leaning against the doorway to the backyard, her hands still in her yellow gardening gloves and her jeans covered in grass stains. “It’s been a while, Hajime-kun.”

“It really has been a long time, Hajime.” Akio commented, grabbing onto Hajime’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I haven’t been home in a long time and haven’t kept contact.”

“Mari-chan is married to Akio now and they had Takeru two years ago,” Oikawa explained, picking up Takeru and smiling at him fondly. “Grandpa didn’t want Akio to deal with a teenage pregnancy and Mari-chan ran away from her place. So Akio left home to raise Takeru with her.”

“You’ve been here this whole time…?” Hajime could barely settle his confusion.

“We moved here last year,” Mari explained with a bright smile, the same way she did those years back. “We contacted Tooru when we had settled and he comes by every now and then. Takeru seems to really like his company.”

Mari was the same as always – her eyes were dangerous, still looking at Oikawa in that fond, almost amused manner like she used to. But things were different now. Akio and Mari had a child together and were living here happily, although estranged from their families because of a teenage pregnancy. They even looked at each other more fondly, as if all their hardships had brought them together in the end, just as Mari had wanted. A kind of long-lasting love, the one that was genuine and abundant.

Hajime wondered if this was it. If this was the love Mari broke Oikawa for.

~

In the end, they’d ended up at Oikawa’s house. Oikawa sat on the floor, sifting through his shelf of movies and in deep concentration in trying to choose one to watch. This scene would have been the usual for both Hajime and Oikawa, given that they’d had countless sleepovers in this room for so many years. But today, it felt different. They were alone in this bedroom together, the lights off aside the one lamp, and Oikawa looked really cute, thinking hard about what movie to watch. It made Hajime uneasy.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been in contact with Akio this whole time?” He found himself asking.

“Akio asked me not to…he was under the impression that you were in love with Mari as well, so he thought it’d be best if you didn’t know that they got married and stuff.”

Then, after a pause, Oikawa added. “I was also under the impression that you were in love with Mari, by the way.”

Hajime shook his head, rather aggressively at that. “No, not at all. She tried to come onto me though, that I can confirm.”

Oikawa hummed in response and, having chosen a movie, stuck it in the player before sitting down next to Hajime. They sat side by side, their backs leaning against the bed behind them and a low table in front of them, set with popcorn and chips to munch on during the movie. The glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling still glowed dimly and the door had been shut to keep out the sounds of Oikawa’s mother’s drama series she watched downstairs. Hajime could even feel the warmth of Oikawa’s shoulder touching his, making him tense up a little.

“Akio and I got into a huge fight after that time,” Oikawa said in a low, small voice. “I think me telling him that I was willing to drop everything and take care of their child was an epiphany for him. He used up all his part-time money to pay a month’s rent for a place somewhere and had Mari stay there. Then when he graduated, he went to stay with her and found some work in the city. Grandpa and my parents wanted him to leave her be, since she had run away and everything, but he didn’t want to do that.”

“And then they contacted you last year?”

Oikawa nodded. “Actually, I had kept touch with Akio the whole time, but it was hard to get a hold of him most of the time. When they moved somewhere closer to me though, they contacted me right away and I met them.”

They didn’t say anything after that for a while, letting the sounds of the movie drown out their silence and simply watched. Hajime hoped that the movie would distract him from his thoughts, but he was still thinking about it over and over.

“Don’t you still love her?” Hajime asked over the sounds of crashing buildings. “Now that you’re seeing her married and with a kid, doesn’t it hurt?” Hajime was so used to hating things after break ups. How could Oikawa just stay calm?

“Iwa-chan, didn’t you say that I don’t get hung up about things the other night?” Oikawa had turned to him with a pout, but his expression almost made it look like he was disappointed with Hajime still asking that question. “I’m not hung up about Mari. She’s married, has a kid, and she’s happy with Akio.”

Hajime pried further still, “how could you still want to see her after all that?”

Oikawa gave it some thought, his finger tapping his chin and his eyes closed shut tightly. “What kind of person am I, Iwa-chan?” He asked with a lilt in his voice.

“You’re a dumbass, for one.”

“Be serious here.”

Hajime paused in thought, and then said, “You’re extremely ambitious, perceptive, determined. You hate losing and aren’t afraid of challenges. You’re sometimes impulsive but in general rational, almost calculating even. You have high expectations of yourself and others around you, and you have questionable taste in clothing at times.” Hajime smiled wide at the last part, waiting for Oikawa to react. He pouted at first but laughed; Hajime always gave him shit over wearing nerdy graphic tees at home, the ones with puns on them. Or those Star Wars ones. As if Hajime’s Godzilla t-shirts didn’t exist at all.

“Anything else?”

Hajime thought about it for a few moments and then finally added, “You’re all about chasing dreams and getting vengeance. And evidently, aliens.” He was pointing at Oikawa’s terribly chosen Hot Topic graphic tee – an alien holding a box of pizza, stating that its species had come for the pizza.

Oikawa smiled, “Seeing Mari-chan again just reminds me that I deserve better and I need to work hard to make sure no one else treats me that way ever again. I’ll get my vengeance on her this way – find myself someone that I thinks I’m enough.” He recalled that painful memory, laughing as if the sound of his laughter could drown out the sad parts of it. “Preferably, I want someone who won’t be satisfied with just these seven days to fulfill their dream of dating me. It doesn’t take seven days to fulfill a dream. It takes seven days to fall in love.”

“You chose the train station, the platform, the seven days thing, all because of her. I knew that already. But what’s up with those flowers? They’re so tacky.”

Oikawa pouted. “They’re not! And they’re also because of her. That time, she slipped an orange lily in my pocket. It was withered and dying.”

“But you give out yellow carnations…?”

“I can’t seem to make myself give out orange lilies. It seems too harsh.”

“Would do they mean?”

“Hatred, apparently.” Oikawa looked at Hajime with a sheepish smile. “I still don’t know if it was meant for me or not, but it’s kind of relieving. After all those times I comforted her and all those times she led me on, she was never actually in love with me like she’d made it seem. She was really…frightening. I’d always thought of myself as someone perceptive, but I was tricked. I was ready to drop everything for her.”

“It’s like you learned from her though?” Hajime joked. “You’re incredibly perceptive and equally dangerous now.”

“Oh please Iwa-chan~ I’m not dangerous!”

“You are, you are.”

“If anything, I’ve learned from her that true love doesn’t come from the heart.” He looked at Hajime intently, as if waiting for a response.

Hajime gave in to his stares. “Doesn’t it? I’ve always thought so.”

Oikawa shook his head and settled his head on Hajime’s shoulder, trying to turn their attention back to the movie that they had practically ignored up until this point.

Hajime thought about how tomorrow would be the last day. Tomorrow, Oikawa would break up with him after then the day after, he’ll be holding hands with someone else for the rest of the week. He thought about how much he’d learned about him in just one week – all those questions he’d kept to himself, too afraid to prod, too painful to even ask, now answered and resolved. And all those new sides to Oikawa Tooru, Seijou’s Prince and Hajime’s Boyfriend, who likes to be fussed over and tied down, who sucks at arcade games but dominates in dancing, who’s laugh could cure cancer, probably, who blushes when his advances are retorted with more flirting, who calls every morning and walks you home every night, whose lips were softer than they looked – these were sides of him Hajime had never experienced in all their time together thus far.

Oikawa Tooru was dangerous, alright. He made Hajime act like himself instead of the Groomed Boyfriend Version. He made Hajime want to hold his hand and smooch his face. He made Hajime jealous beyond his imagination and actually had him pull some impulsive stunts in jealousy on top of that. He made Hajime feel excited going to bed, knowing he would call him in the morning. He made Hajime think of his laugh when he fell asleep and made him wonder when he would laugh like that again.

Truly dangerous.

“You’re falling asleep, Iwa-chan.”

“This is boring,” he replied after a yawn. “Plus, I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Oho~ What kept you up, hmmmm? Was it me~” Oikawa was still as playful as ever, practically singing out his sentences.

And Hajime – he was just straight-forward. “Yeah, it was actually. I kept thinking about you.”

“Oh. Really?”

Oikawa suddenly became shy, lifting his head from his spot on Hajime’s shoulder and looking up at the ceiling. He was not anticipating Hajime’s honest response at all and was taken in by surprise. The blush on his cheeks and the look on his face were so cute. Really cute. So cute that Hajime had to brush Oikawa’s bangs away from his face to take a proper look – how his eyelashes were long, how his skin was hot beneath his fingers, how his lips looked really soft.

He kissed him, feeling Oikawa’s body jolt out of surprise and then felt him easing into it. They parted only for a second, enough for Hajime to look at his face and think not enough. He kissed again, and again, and again, kissing him deeper and his fingers in Oikawa’s hair while his heart beat uncontrollably. Who could ever be fulfilled after getting a taste of all this?

Mama Oikawa was the one that shook them out of their trance, knocking on the door and telling them to come downstairs for dinner. Hajime’s fingers twitched still and he felt hot, staring at Oikawa with the same startled expression he wore on his face.

When they stood up, Oikawa pulled Hajime in for one more – long and deep, Oikawa Tooru style, before parting with a devilish smile. Hajime stood there a bit stunned for a few seconds and then walked down the creaky stairs, wondering whether his mother knows what they’ve been up to out of guilt.

~

Sunday

Hajime half-expected for Oikawa to call or show up at his house, or at the very least, text him about anything, really, at this point. He had felt overburdened knowing what this day brings. In retrospect, yesterday, despite how good and almost dreamlike it felt, was only Oikawa as Hajime’s temporary boyfriend. It was strange to think that this day would make the end of it – Hajime wouldn’t get to kiss Oikawa anymore, or hold his hand, or go on dates. Hajime was never the type to be extremely jealous (even if he was, he’d kept it to himself). He wanted to make sure he never lost his temper, never aggressive, always did whatever his girlfriends asked him to do without a fuss because that was what an ideal boyfriend should do. But now he realized that it was all feigned. Maybe if he had let loose, he might’ve fallen in a genuine kind of love for one of those girls. But it seemed it was inevitable for him to act like anything but himself when it came down to Oikawa, who already knew what Hajime was like.

With Oikawa, he didn’t have to put in so much effort. Loving was easy and loving felt real. Hajime may have begun a list of things to hate, but looking back, he was just looking for an excuse to be angry at someone else. The real problem was him, how he tried to act perfect in front of them. They’d expected him to be perfect, yes, but every girl was somehow different and found new ways to tell Hajime that he wasn’t what they’d expected. But, none of that mattered now, anyway.

Today, Hajime only had to think about what Oikawa thought. Instead of waiting for Oikawa to contact him, Hajime showed up at the usual place, at the usual time. It was a daunting task just to walk inside the train station, Hajime admits. It was the fact that Hajime still didn’t know if he was enough for Oikawa Tooru – the boy with high expectations and ambitions. And the thing he really didn’t want to think about was whether Oikawa would cut off his contact with Hajime or not. His thoughts loomed and dreaded all of it, but it’s not something he could run away from. Hajime was always chasing Oikawa. This was no different.

The day was bright and sunny, a bit unusual for autumn but welcomed nonetheless. Hajime felt the sun in his eyes as soon as he emerged onto the platform after climbing up the stairs. He made his way to the other side and crossed over to the end of platform 4, his heart beginning to race in his chest.

He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready for all of this to end. He kept thinking about how, all those years ago, Mari had asked Hajime if he was jealous of Oikawa finding somebody to love and not needing him anymore. In truth, he was not only hurt by that, but was also guilty of it. He wanted to be with Oikawa, perhaps not in the romantic sense at the time, but simply to stand beside him, so that he would not be alone. Hajime also realized that he needed Oikawa beside him, so that he wouldn’t be so alone anymore. They were a set pair, partners for life. Hajime had always felt this with surety.

Hajime spotted Oikawa in an instant – a newly acquired habit – and felt his chest tighten. He stood with his back against the gray pillar, the painted blue number 4 peeking out from behind his head. A slight wind caught Oikawa’s hair and pushed his bangs away, emphasizing his stare at Hajime as he walked towards him. There were still five minutes left until the arrival of the 4 o’ clock train. Everything was the same, as always, except for one thing.

“Red roses? And a bouquet, at that?” Hajime said as he walked up to Oikawa. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, studying the flowers in Oikawa’s hands for a moment and then asking, “What? Am I really that special?” He laughed at his own joke, thinking Oikawa would laugh too, but he only smiled in response.

“Yeah, Iwa-chan. You are.” As Oikawa stared at him, Hajime remembered the way Oikawa’s eyes looked whenever he begins to serve – how he closes his eyes shut and then opens them after a few seconds, suddenly seeing the world anew, almost starry eyed. Oikawa was looking at him in a similar way, filled with amusement and that special Oikawa Tooru confidence.

“You look like a deer in headlights, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said, walking closer to him. “Are you seriously that thick-headed?”

“I’m—what? What is all this? Aren’t you breaking up with me?”

Oikawa sighed exaggeratedly and pouted, “Why do you say that? Do you want me to?”

Hajime blushed, suddenly being asked the question. He clearly didn’t want him to. Hajime was used to hating his ex’s as means of getting over them but he could never do that to Oikawa. He didn’t want to hate Oikawa. Hajime tried to collect himself, taking a deep breath in while Oikawa waited for him patiently, a hand on his hip and the roses still clutched in his hand. “No, I don’t want you to.” Hajime admitted in a low voice.

Oikawa paused, a smug expression on his face, and suddenly said. “Well, too bad. I’m breaking up with you.”

He watched the colour drain from Hajime’s face as he froze, and then, he laughed.

“Oikawa, you are such a piece of shit,” Hajime practically growled at him.

Oikawa, trying to settle down his laughter, shoved the bouquet in Hajime’s arms and grabbed a hold of his hand. He smiled then, that genuine one that Hajime has come to love so much (and see more and more often). “I am breaking up with you.” He declared, but squeezed Hajime’s hand for assurance. “But that’s just to end this seven day trial period.”

“So then, now what?”

Oikawa pulled Hajime closer and kissed him, small and quick, their lips barely grazing each other, and asked, “Will you go out with me? I don’t want to stop dating you after these past seven days.”

Hajime saw Oikawa blushing all the way up to his ears, his usual pretty face and smug expression completely devoid of anything except a strange kind of innocence and embarrassment. He was smiling at him with his eyes, somehow, and Hajime felt like he could burst with all the happiness Oikawa had brought to him.

“Are you serious?” Hajime knew he was really dumb and this was a really dumb question but it was the only thing, the only thing, his dumb brain could manage to make him say. He felt like he could melt at any point.

“Iwa-chan, I don’t know what Hanamaki told you, but I really don’t touch anyone, even if they want me to. If I touch them, it’s because I want to.” There was an oh moment on Hajime’s face, things finally starting to click in and at the same time, overwhelming him. Oikawa bit his lip, still smiling at him. “You know, they say true love comes from the heart.”

“…does it?”

“Nope. True love comes from more than just the heart. Apparently, it comes from years of friendship, countless fights, and volleyball matches.” He kissed Hajime on the forehead. “Iwa-chan, I really do love you. But please, don’t make me chase you. I’m kinda tired of that.”

Beside them, the 4 o’ clock train had arrived and to their surprise, it was a different train than usual. It practically looked brand new – a silver exterior with bright white lights and pink seats on the inside. There weren’t any bleak grays or those ugly yellow lights or even that faded repair company advertisements anymore. Instead, the sleek silver was shining and colourful advertisements clung to its exterior. As it unloaded and loaded passengers, Hajime and Oikawa watched like usual, an omen of sorts to the two of them, the air standing still all around them. Finally, when it departed, Hajime squeezed Oikawa’s hand and said with a grin, “Just so you know, I believe in you. And I’m kinda tired of chasing after you too.”

~

“I think we should get some things in the clear, Hajime.” Oikawa spoke softly and Hajime could feel his breath on his face lying down beside him. They were back at their childhood sanctuary, underneath the glow-in-the-dark stars and on top of the bed that still wore a navy blue comforter with planets and stars on it.  The room was dimly lit by the night lamp and the sun was just setting outside, the light barely making its way through the tiny window. “Remember how we went to the arcade and you won everything? I let you win.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, seriously.”

“You are like the biggest pile of bullshit there is on this planet.”

“I’m not!! And I’m serious!”

“You hate losing.”

“Yeah, but I have a rule: I have to make my partners happy. So I purposely lost the race, mostly because I always pay for everything on dates anyway.”

“And the games?”

“I purposely lost all of them. Except for Dance-Dance Revolution. I was trying my best to lose without making it seem like I wasn’t trying, but in the end I won anyway because you have zero dancing coordination skills. It was suffocating watching you play that.”

“Shut up, moron. I don’t think I really believe you.”

“Let’s have a rematch then~ I’m not the Prince anymore so I won’t go easy on you!”

“What does the winner get then?”

“Hmm…how about, the winner gets the loser all to himself?”

“Lame, since you’re already mine.”

“Um…..”

“……Tooru, stop blushing like a buffoon, it’s disgusting.”

“I really like this possessive Iwa-chan, okay?!”