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It's nearly midnight, and Guang Hong can't sleep. He'd been up late working on homework, and he has school tomorrow and then practice. He needs rest. He should have been sleeping hours ago, but no matter how much he tosses and turns, he just can't manage to drift off.
He knows what the problem is: he's lonely. It's been weeks since he'd seen Leo at the Cup of China, even longer since he'd seen Phichit in person, and he can barely remember the last time all three of them were together face to face. He doesn't know why it's hitting him so hard tonight, right this moment, but he misses his boyfriends.
It's a physical ache in his chest that threatens tears as Guang Hung against rolls over in bed, the covers twisted around him, and hides his face in his pillow. This long-distance relationship is the worst. He truly loves Phichit and Leo, and he wouldn't give them up for the world, but he hates that it has to be like this. Most people would probably laugh at him if they knew his most precious and impossible fantasy was the thought of just living permanently in the same place as his boyfriends.
Blindly, he reaches for his phone and pulls it off the bedside table, squeezing it in frustration. Knowing he can't actually be with them, he wants more than anything to call one of them. Or both. But it's nearly eleven in Bangkok which means Phichit most likely is sleeping, and it's the middle of the day for Leo. He's probably busy. Though...
Guang Hong flips over, pulling the blankets over his head, and thumbs on his phone, wincing at the bright light that fills up the little cave he's made. Wincing again at the pang he feels when the lock screen photo of the three of them posing together swims into focus. He lets out a shaky breath and unlocks the phone, thumbing over to Leo's number.
You can call me whenever you want to, Leo had told them once. Any time of the day or night, doesn't matter. I don't care about the time difference. Really.
Guang Hong has tried not to do it just the same, but now... He thinks Leo will understand. He steels himself and presses the call button, heart twisting as it rings. What if Leo is in class? He's too upset to be able to remember his boyfriend's schedule right now.
But his heart leaps when the call connects. “Guang Hong?” There's concern in Leo's voice. “What's up? Don't you have school tomorrow?”
Hearing him, Guang Hong can't hold back the waterworks anymore. “I miss you,” he whimpers, not even bothering to wipe away tears when there's no one to see. “I'm lonely, and I want you and Phichit, and I hate this so much.”
“Oh, honey,” Leo murmurs. “I'm so sorry.”
Guang Hong sniffles. “It's not your f-fault. I just...I dunno. I wanted to talk to you. I h-hope I'm not bothering you.”
“Of course not, Guang Hong,” Leo says gently. “I told you you can call me whenever you need to. I wish I could be there with you right now. I miss the two of you, too.”
Guang Hong just cries, not knowing what else to say. He can't even tell if talking to Leo is making him feel better or worse.
“Hey,” Leo says softly after a few moments, “I'm gonna get Phichit on, too, okay?”
“B-but he's probably sleeping,” Guang Hong protests weakly.
“I think he'll understand,” Leo insists gently. “Be right back.”
The line goes silent, and for long moments it's just Guang Hong and his tears alone in the dark. Then, suddenly, Phichit's voice: “Hey, Guang Hong. You're having a bad night?”
Guang Hong sniffles again. Leo must have filled him in. “Yeah.”
“That's all right. You know Four Continents is only three weeks away, right? I bet you've got a countdown set on your phone just like me. Leo, too.”
“I do,” Leo admits, and there's the ghost of a smile in his voice.
“Yeah,” Guang Hong murmurs. “I don't know when was the last time I looked forward to anything more.”
“Same,” Phichit tells him. “I can't wait to have the two of you in my arms again.”
Another sob escapes Guang Hong's throat. “I want that right now.”
“I know,” Phichit soothes. “I have an idea. Do you have those stuffed animals we got you for your birthday?”
Guang Hong blinks away tears, trying to figure what he's going for. “Yes?” Knowing his proclivities for collecting such things, his boyfriends had both sent him personalized stuffed animals a few weeks earlier – Leo a lion wearing a replica of his Still Alive short program costume and Phichit a chubby-cheeked hamster with the Thai's trademark black face mask. They were currently across the room, in a place of prominence at the top of a pile of their kin.
“Get them in bed with you if they're not already,” Leo puts in. “I think I know what he's thinking.”
“Transglobal telepathy,” Phichit teases as Guang Hong slips out of bed to retrieve them.
“Or I just know my boyfriend that well,” Leo shoots back, and Guang Hong smiles just a little.
He crawls back under the covers, one animal in each arm, and murmurs, “I have them.”
“Good,” Phichit says. “Those are us for now, okay? Lie down with one of them behind you and one of them in your arms.”
Guang Hong does so, brushing away the last bits of water trailing down his face. He leans against the lion, Phichit's hamster clutched in his arms, his phone now resting between his face and the pillow. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Phichit echoes. “That's us, there with you now. We're both holding you. Leo behind, me in front – right? You're not alone.”
Guang Hong nods, tears prickling again. That's always how it is when they're together. “Right,” he whispers tearfully. He sniffles. “But they're not warm like you are.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Phichit murmurs. “I'm sorry. We're all doing the best we can, right?”
Guang Hong nods. “I ap-ppreciate it,” he stutters.
“I love you,” Leo murmurs. “I can't wait to see you again.”
“Me too,” Phichit adds. “We're going to spoil you so good, Guang Hong. Just wait.”
“Yeah. I know,” Guang Hong manages. He presses his face into the stuffed hamster, trying to imagine his boyfriends there cuddling with him. There's silence across the phonelines for a moment, but he can hear them breathing. They're there with him, even if he can't touch them.
“I've been working on something,” Leo says after a bit. “Would you like to hear it?”
“We always want to hear it,” Phichit answers for both of them. “Right, Guang Hong?”
“Yeah,” Guang Hong agrees, wiping his eyes again. “What is it?”
“It's kind of a lullaby?” Leo says uncertainly. “Not the sort of thing I usually do, but I thought...maybe you'd like to hear it now.”
Guang Hong smiles through his tears, because how considerate is his boyfriend? How lucky is he to have him as well as Phichit? “Sing it to me?” he asks.
Leo clears his throat softly and begins to sing. The song is clearly unpracticed and unfinished, and not backed up by any instruments, but it's lovely all the same. His voice is gentle and rich, the words comforting and easy. Guang Hong lets them flow over him and feels calmer than he has all day.
Too soon, the song is finished. Leo makes an awkward little noise and ventures, “Not terrible?”
“Definitely not terrible,” Phichit is quick to assure him. “I loved it.”
“Lovely,” Guang Hong agrees softly. “Will you sing it again, Leo? Please?”
“Of course, sweetheart. And I'll send you a track when it's finished so you can listen to it as much as you want.”
“Thank you.”
Leo murmurs acknowledgment and begins the song again. Guang Hong closes his eyes and relaxes into his pillow, letting the gentle song consume him, the sound of it like Leo's fingers carding through his hair. Before he realizes it, he's drifting off.
The song finished again and with no response from Guang Hong, the others realize what's happened. They exchange a few more soft words between themselves before saying goodnight, swearing the dreamer their love with words they know he understands even if he doesn't hear.