Work Text:
The Catfight
*~*
It was a quiet night in Gryffindor Tower. Ron looked around. There couldn’t have been more than twenty students in the common room. Not many had returned to Hogwarts after last year, even though the Ministry declared the school safe. They classified the Death Eater attack that had left Headmaster Dumbledore dead an inside job masterminded by Severus Snape. Since the rogue professor had gone, there was really no reason not to re-open the school. Though, many parents hadn’t seen it that way.
Gryffindor had been reduced to maybe forty students dispersed among all the years. It was ironic that the war being fought to rid the Wizarding world of all those without pure blood had driven most of the pure bloods out of Hogwarts. Out of all the returning students, it was mainly Muggleborns who remained. It was probably down to the fact that they didn’t inform their parents of what was going on. That was what Dean Thomas had said anyway. All of Ron’s dorm mates had returned, even Seamus who had come of age and told his mother she couldn’t stop him from coming. She had sent him a Howler every day for the first week of term, stopping only when she realized he wasn’t going to come home.
Ron had thought after Dumbledore’s funeral that he would never return here. He, Harry and Hermione had searched all summer for the Horcruxes and had come up empty handed. Hermione had convinced Harry that more research needed to be done and she needed access to some of the near ancient documents that were stored in the Hogwarts library. So, they had come back.
Harry was sitting across from Ron apparently writing an essay for Transfiguration. He looked anxious. He’d been that way all summer. He had been so determined to go after the Horcruxes immediately and when they came up with nothing, he had become withdrawn. It was different from the summer after fourth year, after the Triwizard Tournament, when he’d been angry and withdrawn. Now, it was more out of frustration to finish this. Harry hadn’t wanted to return to Hogwarts. It was clear he thought the schoolwork they did was a waste of time. He did it, Ron reckoned, just to have something to do.
Ron leaned back in his chair and looked at the young witch sitting beside him, his girlfriend, Hermione. She was hunched over the table squinting at the small print in an old book. He shook his head and wondered why she continued reading until she was nearly blind from the effort.
“Amplificario” he murmured, pointing his wand at the book. The text suddenly enlarged on the page.
Hermione looked up at him and smiled gratefully. He felt his heart flutter in his chest, and was surprised that she could still make him feel that way just by smiling at him. She turned back to her book. Ron sighed. Hermione was working herself ragged. It was worse than third year. On top of all her NEWT courses she was also reading every book she could get her hands on to help Harry find the Horcruxes. They’d already been at school for a month and she’d found nothing. He knew she was getting discouraged and frustrated. She seemed to be at the end of her tether and he was beginning to worry that she’d have a breakdown if she didn’t stop pushing herself so hard. Between NEWTs, Horcrux research, and her Head Girl duties, she was quite stressed. Then there was her living situation. Only two girls had returned for their seventh year, Hermione and Lavender Brown, and neither of them was happy with the arrangement.
Taking the Hogwarts Express had been deemed to risky, so they arrived at Hogwarts via the Floo, Harry slouched on ahead of them and gave the Fat Lady the password. Ron took Hermione’s hand and helped her through the portrait hole. Once in the common room, they ran face to face into Lavender. She glanced down at his and Hermione’s clasped hands. Hermione went to pull her hand away but Ron held it tight. Lavender shot them a dirty look and pushed past them toward the exit.
Hermione frowned at him.
“What?”
“I do have to live with her, you know?”
“So?”
“Ron, you saw how she looked at us.”
“So? What do you want me to do?” he asked, giving her a hurt look.
“Are we supposed to pretend we aren’t together?
“No, but…”
“You still want to be with me, don’t you?”
“Of course, but…”
“Then she’s just going to have to get used to us being together. Because I’m going to hold your hand and hug you and kiss you….”
“I am not snogging you in the middle of the common room,” Hermione said firmly.
Ron chuckled. “I wouldn’t even have tried.”
As far as he knew, Hermione and Lavender avoided each other whenever possible. Not that it mattered since Hermione spent so much time studying anyway. Ron sighed and looked down at his Charms essay. He scribbled out a sentence before scratching it out and looking at Hermione again. She was twirling her quill absentmindedly in her hand as she read her book.
“You!”
A harsh voice pulled him from his reverie. Ron looked up and saw Lavender charging toward them from the girls’ dormitory.
Hermione looked up, wrinkling her forehead. “What is it, Lavender?”
“You’ve ruined my quill!” Lavender screeched, holding up a battered swan feather.
Ron snickered and both girls gave him a scathing look.
“I did no such thing,” Hermione said calmly.
“You knew this was my favorite quill!” Lavender said, coming up and squeezing in between Ron and Hermione’s chairs to glare down at her.
“Your favorite?” Hermione said, fire erupting in her eyes. She got to her feet. “That’s surprising given I rarely see you pick up a quill at all.”
Ron scooted back and joined Harry on the other side of the table. They caught each other’s eye and both their expressions conveyed that they knew this was not good. Ron remembered the last time he had seen that wild look in Hermione’s eyes. It was just before she set a flock of canaries on him, and the time before that she had slapped Malfoy. No, this would not end well.
“You’re just jealous,” Lavender said, waving the quill in Hermione’s face.
“Jealous of what? Swan feathers hardly hold ink as well as…what are you doing?” Hermione said, as Lavender picked up her eagle feather quill from the table.
“Apologize for ruining my quill,” Lavender said, twirling Hermione’s in her fingers.
Ron could almost feel the energy radiating from Hermione. She was close to snapping, he knew it.
“I will not,” she said, through gritted teeth. “I did not touch your quill.”
“Well then.”
Lavender held up the quill and snapped in clean in half.
“Are you mad?” Hermione shrieked.
“Now we’re even,” she said smugly.
“I didn’t touch your quill…don’t you go anywhere. We aren’t finished discussing this.”
Hermione pulled Lavender, who had been retreating toward the girls’ dormitory, by the shoulder, inadvertently pulling a few strands of her hair with it. Lavender immediately swung around and grabbed a handful of Hermione’s hair.
“Ow,” Hermione hollered.
“Bloody hell!” Ron exclaimed, his eyes wide.
“Shouldn’t we do something?” Harry asked, looking just as stunned.
“Yeah,” Ron said, pulling his friend back as a crowd of students gathered around the struggling girls. “Take cover.”
“Let go, Lavender,” Hermione yelled. She grasped for Lavender’s hand to disengage her hair, but she tightened her hold.
“Ouch, stop digging your nails into me,” Lavender squealed.
“Let me go,” Hermione repeated, finally breaking down and grabbing a large handful of her dorm mate’s hair and tugging hard.
Lavender screamed. “Geroffme!”
Ron noticed Ginny emerge from the girls’ dormitory and fight her way through the crowd to where he and Harry were standing.
“What’s going on?” Ginny asked. “I heard that nitwit Romilda Vane going on about a catfight in the common room. What happened?”
“Lavender…and Hermione,” Harry said, still looking a bit shocked.
“What?” Ginny squealed, rounding on Ron. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything,” he protested. “All this was over a ruddy quill.”
Ginny continued to glare at him. “Well, what are you going to do about this?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re a prefect and Hermione’s boyfriend. You need to put a stop to this”
Ron gaped at her. “But they’re…they’re girls. What am I supposed to do?”
“You need to do something besides standing around like a poncey git,” she replied.
“Fine!” he yelled. He ran his hand through his ginger hair, thinking quickly. “Harry, you take Hermione. I’ll take Lavender. Full Body Bind.”
“Why don’t you take Hermione?” Harry asked.
“Because,” Ron said, pulling out his wand. “She won’t kill you for cursing her. Come on.”
The boys pushed their way through the crowd of cheering Gryffindors to where the two girls were struggling on the floor, still grasping each other’s hair but not doing much of anything else.
“Bet this is a dream of yours, eh, Weasley?” Seamus said between catcalls.
“Not in the slightest,” Ron said grimly, wondering how terrible the aftermath of this would be. “Ready, Harry?”
Harry nodded. “On three…One…Two…Three.”
“Petrificus Totalus,” they yelled in unison.
Both girls froze stiff. The crowd groaned and started to disperse.
“Thanks a lot,” Seamus complained. “They didn’t even begin to rip each other’s clothes off or anything.”
“Watch it Seamus or I’ll curse your sorry arse as well,” Ron growled.
Ginny rushed over and began to pry the hair out of the girls’ hands.
“Well then,” Ron said, looking down at them. “I think you’re square now. Each of you has a broken quill and a handful of the other’s hair. You both know that fighting is worth a week’s detention, but if you both walk away I won’t tell McGonagall. I’m going to presume we have a deal. Finite.”
Both girls rode to their feet, panting heavily. Lavender gave Hermione the filthiest look she could muster before stomping upstairs to their dormitory. Hermione shot Ron an identical look and sat at the table again, picking up her book with shaking hands.
“What did I do?” he asked, taking his seat beside her. He looked for Harry to back him up, but he and Ginny had disappeared with the rest of the crowd.
“You took her side.”
“What are you on about?”
“She charges in here and snaps my favorite quill in half…” Hermione said, picking up the broken pieces and waving them emphatically. “You gave me this for my birthday.”
“I know I did.”
“You just let her off the hook.”
“No, I let you both off the hook. Ginny didn’t pry a handful of your own hair out of your hand.”
“That was humiliating, you cursing us like that.”
“And rolling around on the floor while half of Gryffindor looked up your skirt wasn’t humiliating.”
Hermione blushed bright red. “Oh, Ron, they weren’t, were they?”
“I ought to have obliviated the lot of them,” Ron grumbled.
“But why didn’t you just tell her I didn’t touch her quill. You know I wouldn’t have.”
“Love, she wouldn’t have believed me if I tried,” Ron said, pulling her into his arms. “Besides, you may be more responsible than you think.”
Hermione drew away from him. “I told you I…”
“You, no,” Ron interrupted her. “But I’ve had a couple of quills meet the same fate at the Burrow.”
“So?”
“Crookshanks.”
Hermione’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh my. I didn’t even think of Crookshanks. Oh, it makes sense. I had better apologize.”
She rose to leave, but Ron pulled her back down. “No.”
“But Crookshanks…”
“She snapped your favorite quill in half. I think you’re square.”
Hermione held up the broken pieces again and looked sadly at Ron. “It was my favorite.”
Ron pulled her closer to him and kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ll get you another one. Besides it was worth it to see Head Girl Hermione acting like a common thug.”
“Ron…”
“Fighting! And after all the years of nagging me and Harry about fighting with Malfoy…”
“Shut it.”
“Okay,” Ron said, shutting the book in front of her.
“Ron…”
He pressed his lips soundly to hers. She squeaked in surprise. He took advantage of her shock and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.
“But Ron, the Horcruxes,” she said, breaking away from him.
Her cheeks were flushed and her breaths heavy. He stroked her cheek. “I’ll help you with it tomorrow. Just take a short break right now.”
Hermione looked torn. Ron leaned in for another kiss, but she stopped him. “I told you I wouldn’t snog you in the middle of the common room.”
“We aren’t in the middle,” Ron said dismissively. “We’re off to the side.”
“All right then,” she said, surprising him by capturing his lips in a kiss.
All thoughts of Horcruxes, NEWTs and catfights were soon forgotten.