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The only thing Mindy Lahiri wanted after Jessica Peterson’s delivery was a long hot shower and maybe some cookies. Or perhaps she’d indulge in one of the sinfully delicious apple pies in the vending machines, she hadn’t one in the years since she was pregnant with Leo and she doubted that anyone in the entire hospital had either. In fact, she’d wager that the pies in vending machine were the same ones leftover from the day in her second trimester that she found she couldn’t even look at the sugary confections without a wave of nausea flooding over her. Maybe she’d have the pie instead of the cookie, for old time’s sake. Oh, who was she kidding? She’d have the pie and the cookie and she wouldn’t even have to feel guilty about it because, if she’d planned it right, she’d have the lounge to herself for thirty minutes. Years later, and she finally understood the appeal of scheduling C-sections on Saturday night, there was something so liberating about the quiet hum of the hospital on a weekend night. If the procedure started by eight, she was practically guaranteed thirty blissful minutes alone in the doctor’s lounge with some reality television, barring any surgical complications of course. Which was why when she saw the man reclining on the couch, it took all her strength to hold in a scream, but she couldn’t quite contain herself when she realized what program he was watching.
“Ugh, God, no!” Mindy groaned, immediately clamping her hand over her mouth. An apology tumbled out of her mouth. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, sir. Or ma’am! I’m sorry, my glasses are super dirty right now and I ran out of hand towels to clean them on at my apartment because I haven’t had time to do the laundry in weeks. And it’s just that my ex used to watch this show all the time and it’s so boring. Like who cares if Brian catches the big fish? I only care if Brian’s penis is as big as his hands-“
The man lounging on the couch twisted around, red-rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. Mindy crossed her arms. “Danny? It’s just you? Never mind, you don’t deserve that apology, please consider it revoked.”
Danny shook his head, unclasping the frames of his glasses and hanging them around his neck. “Have you ever meant a single apology you’ve ever given?”
“Yes I have,” Mindy said, plopping onto the couch beside him, smoothing the fraying edges of her hair as she situated herself. “Yesterday, I apologized to Leo for deleting all the Dora recordings in the DVR so I would have room for Scandal - which was totally worth it by the way. And then to make him stop crying I promised he could stay up and watch them all with me. That was one hell of an apology. I think Olivia Pope really changed his outlook on life.”
“I don’t know if incentivized bribery constitutes as an apology.”
“It was a great apology,” Mindy retorted. “And you know what? When Leo’s older, he’s still going to be talking about how cool it was. And he’s gonna tell all his friends how great I am and how lame you are, old man.”
“What? Are you kidding?” Danny scoffed, sitting up from his slumped position to meet her eyes. “No, no way, absolutely not. You’re messy, you’re chronically late, you think Doritos are a breakfast food, and you’ve been kicked out of Hamilton six times. Leo and his friends want a chaperone who always shows up on time, brews them non-alcoholic beers in his bathtub, and has every song on Bruce Springsteen’s discography on a playlist for cruising.” Danny’s eyes had misted over at the mere thought.
“You’ve got be joking, right?” Mindy laughed. “None of those things are cool and, for the record, Doritos are an amazing breakfast food. I’m not having this argument with you again.”
“We’ll see.”
“Yeah, we will see. And I will be right.”
“Don’t get too comfortable in your victory, Lahiri.”
“I’ll get as comfortable as I want, Castellano. Like timeshare in Cabo levels of comfortable.”
Mindy punctuated her point by wiggling deeper into the cushions and flinging her legs up to rest on his knees. She scrunched up the features of her face and stuck out her tongue at him for dramatic effect. Sure, it was juvenile to make faces and stick out tongues, but it seemed fitting. There had never someone who made her feel as youthful as Danny did. No one had ever made her whole body radiate with so much sensation, had mesmerized her so much with life’s unparalleled joys and woes. He always made her feel like it was the first time she’d ever felt something in her entire life. Outside of Leo, that is. And Danny had given her Leo, so no matter what had transpired between them, she couldn’t help but feel a softening joy when she looked at him, even when her stare was fixed and her teeth grit. She wasn’t sure, but she felt like it had to be the same for him too.
Danny rolled his eyes, reclining back on the couch, but the ghost of a smile on his lips betrayed him. “You’re a little nut job.”
“Thank you for saying I’m little.”
Danny chuckled lightly and returned his attention to the screen and the hum of the vending machine enveloped their temporary silence.
“What are you even doing here, anyways?” Mindy asked. “It’s like way past your bedtime and I haven’t seen you here on a Saturday night since your practice was granted privileges at St. Ingrid’s. The only other people I usually see when I schedule my C-sections are doctors coming out of emergent surgeries. And I think I’ve seen Doctor Ledreau sleepwalking around here, but I’ve long suspected that to be a complication of his Viagra addiction.”
Danny scrunched up his nose. “I really don’t need a picture of my mother’s ex-boyfriend’s penis.”
“Yeah, well, tough luck, buddy,” Mindy replied. “I don’t like sharing the doctor’s lounge, but here I am being forced to because you’re old, ugly butt is hogging my couch. Don’t you know that I schedule procedures for Saturday night because I’m practically guaranteed to have the lounge to myself for at least twenty minutes?”
Danny smiled smugly. “Remember when you used to call me a dork for scheduling procedures on Saturdays?”
“Yeah, I do. And I stand by it.” Mindy countered. “But it never quite appealed to me until I had a loud toddler hell bent on ruining my closet by using my Jimmy Choos as obstacles in his Tonka Truck races. I like the peacefulness now, there are no heels being snapped off for the sake of a plastic truck’s speed and no random fits of crying. I need this ‘me time’, Danny.” She gestured to the screen in front of them, “And Brian the smelly fisherman is ruining it.”
“I’m not changing the channel, Min.”
“Why not?”
“Why does it matter? We’re having a nice conversation here, what does it matter what Brian the fisherman has to say?”
Mindy melted. “You think we’re having a nice conversation?”
“Yeah, we are. Or at least I think we are.” Danny looked down and laced his fingers together. “Do you?”
“Yeah, we are.” Mindy felt a slight blush creep into her cheeks as she nodded. “Or at least we were until you decided to avoid my question.”
“I’m not avoiding your question,” Danny answered, “I just don’t want to face the reality of the answer to your question.”
“Dude, that’s what avoiding means.” Mindy scoffed.
She silently bit her thumbnail as she mulled over his answer. Her face contorted in confusion and she pushed herself into an upright position so she could meet his eyes properly. Her legs slide off his knees as she did until only the tip of her toes rested gently against his thighs, poking him slightly.
“Oh my god,” She whispered shrilly, “Danny, are you so old and senile that you just wandered in here and are too afraid to admit it?”
“What?”
“Are you too embarrassed to tell me because you think I’ll judge you? I’d never judge you,” She promised, reaching for his hand. “I mean, I’d probably mock you, but I’d never judge you.”
Danny pulled his hand from her grip. “What? No? I have a delivery.”
“Oooh,” Mindy said, leaning back slightly. “Is it anyone I know?”
“Mrs. Gundy,” Danny mumbled.
Mindy scrunched up her nose for a moment, pondering the name before her jaw dropped with recognition. “What? Mrs. Grundy? Oh my god, what is this for her? Kid number five million?”
Danny clearly his throat slightly, “She’s on number seven actually.”
“Wow,” Mindy said, blinking her eyes rapidly. “You weren’t kidding when you said that Mrs. Grundy and her husband didn’t believe in birth control. And not in the fun way we used to say we didn’t believe in birth control, but in the boring church way you pretended you didn’t believe in birth control.”
Danny grunted, not responding to the bait of her light teasing, but his nonchalance only made Mindy all the more restless. She poked his arm.
“Danny? Do you get what I’m saying, Danny? I mean the fun way, like the S-E-X way.”
“Yeah, Min, I get it.” Danny brought his fingers to his forehead and massaged his temples. “Ugh, it's just that Mrs. Grundy is a total nightmare. Did you know she refuses to give birth unless she can use the exact same birthing suite every single time? That’s why we had to schedule to induce her labor on a Saturday night. This one time, when the room was occupied, she refused to use another birthing suite and sat down in the hallway right in front of the room and I was forced to deliver her baby right there. That was baby number four.”
Mindy’s eyes blazed with the fond embers of a recalled memory. She smiled and rested her head against her chin. “Oh my god, I think I remember that? Didn’t Dr. Shulman yell at you for hours after that? I don’t think I’d ever seen you two fight before then, but I think that had to have been the day I became his favorite.”
Danny crossed his arms and scoffed. “No. What? No…you’re not…you weren’t. You weren’t Marc’s favorite. I was his favorite. Me. We expanded the practice together.”
“Whatever you say, Daniel.” Mindy teased. “But I commend you, if Dr. Shulman had ever yelled at me I think I might have cried. Mrs. Grundy seems like a total psycho, I don’t know how you’ve dealt with her for over a decade. If I was you, I might have just accidentally taken our her uterus and put an end to the whole thing.”
“I don’t know how that would accomplish anything. If anything I think that would just land you in prison.”
“Yeah, but it sounds like it could be a Lifetime movie though. Rogue OB/Gyn takes vigilante justice on rude patients and insurance company hacks.”
“You would love that.” Danny smiled.
“I really would.”
Mindy smirked, but the playful smile didn’t quite meet her eyes, and it began to quickly fade. She looked down at her fingers, which she mindlessly clasped and unclasped. “Danny? Can I tell you secret?” Mindy asked but she didn’t meet his eyes.
Noting the shift in the conversation, Danny sat up and placed his coffee cup on the coffee table. “Yeah. What’s up?”
“I know I said that I schedule my procedures at night now to get some peace and quiet, but it’s not true. Ever since Ben left, I just can’t be in the house sometimes. It’s almost too quiet. I just feel like I’m suffocating, is that wrong?” Mindy blinked up at him sheepishly waiting for a respond, her face already morphing into a slight grimace while she awaited his response.
“No, it’s not wrong at all,” He answered softly. He gently rested his hand on top of hers, giving it a light squeeze. She squeezed back. “I’ve been meaning to ask how you were doing. Since, you know, it happened.”
"You know when I left you, it felt like the world was ending?” Mindy began to ramble. “It felt like I'd lost everything I'd ever wanted and I only had myself to blame. And I didn't lose everything, I hadn't, but I couldn't stop all this noise in my head telling me that my life was over. That I would never be happy. But with Ben gone it just feels quiet, you know? Like I've spent the last two years of myself drowning out the sound of a voice in the back of my head telling me what a failure I was with a Beyoncé song. A super hot, Jewish Beyoncé song with a huge house, a nice penis, and great daughter. But still just a song, and now that he's gone the music is off and it's quiet again. And I'm not sure if that's good or bad."
Danny picked his coffee again and took a swig. As he nursed the coffee cup in his hand, he didn’t meet her eyes, but he nodded his head slightly in acknowledgment. "It wasn't just your fault. You and me. You did things. I did things."
"Yeah, I know, you did more things."
"Yeah, probably.”
“Definitely.”
“I get it.” Danny added, “When Sarah left, I just felt nothing. Not numb, just absolutely nothing. I guess I loved her, I know I did, but there was just nothing. I never felt anything. Not when she smiled at me. Or when we talked, if we ever did. Or even when I looked at her. I just didn’t feel much of anything.”
Mindy’s face contorted. “Wait, you felt nothing when you looked her? Is that some sort of euphemism for bad sex?”
Danny looked at her incredulously. “What? No!”
“Are you sure?” She ribbed him lightly. “Admit it, I’m the best lay you’ve ever had.”
“I’m not answering that.” He answered sheepishly.
Mindy beamed. “I am, aren’t I? I told you. I told you no one else would do the things I do for you.”
“For the last time Mindy, no one likes that,” Danny insisted. “No one would ask for that.”
Mindy waved him off. “Yeah whatever, I’m still the best.”
“I’m sharing my feelings with you. Do you want to hear about Sarah and me or not?” Danny retorted with a slight, but playful, exasperation seeping into his voice.
Mindy acquiesced. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please continue.”
“With Sarah,” Danny continued, “I thought we were just peaceful. We were quiet. It was the exact opposite of you and me. But it was really just nothing. We just kind of made sure the other one was happy to the point that neither of us was happy. She never even complained when I refused to turn on the heat in the winter.”
“Are you serious? I complained about that constantly.”
“Yeah, I know.” Danny huffed. “We were never talked. Ever. Did I ever tell you she couldn’t have kids? And even after that, neither of us said anything, we never had a real conversation about it. We never had a real conversation about anything.”
“Danny, I’m sorry,” Mindy said. Her face was crestfallen. “I wish I would have told me.”
“It’s okay,” Danny shrugged. “I didn’t really tell anyone, not even Ma. We just should have never gotten married.”
Mindy nodded. “Ben and I – we shouldn’t have gotten married either. I did not want to, not really. It wasn’t him really. It wasn’t about him all. It’s just that whenever I thought of not getting married, I just felt so free. But Ben really wanted to and Lindsay wanted it too, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it'd probably be better for Leo and Lindsay if we were married. And I thought about how getting married isn’t just being part of a couple, but it’s also being a part of a family. I guess I just forgot that it also meant being a couple and that you don’t really need to be married to be family, right? I mean we’re still family. Kind of.”
Danny nodded his head. “We’re still family.”
“I just hope Lindsay feels the same way,” Mindy sighed. “I’m supposed to take her shopping for her prom dress this weekend and I don’t know if she’ll even show up. I hope one day she stops being mad at me.”
“I think she will,” Danny reassured. “It may take time, a lot of time, but you’re a great mom, Min. Step or otherwise, I think she knows that. That's probably why it hurts so much right now. For both of you."
“Thank you, Danny.” Mindy blushed.
“Do you still feel that way, though? About getting married that is.” Danny asked, clearing his throat.
“I think. Maybe? I don’t know,” Mindy answered. “I just want to feel like I’ve made progress. That I’m a different person than I used to be, that I’m a different person than I was before all of this. You. Me. Him. Her. And not just some lame, pathetic 22-year-old divorcee complaining to her 42-year-old fellow divorcee slash ex-fiancé just like she always did before.”
“You have,” Danny reassured her. “Changed that is.”
“Thank you, Danny.” Mindy smiled.
Danny flashed his crooked smile. “And if that doesn’t work you could always revisit that whole Eat, Pray, Love thing.”
“Oh my god, why do you remember that?” Mindy laughed. “You’re such a stalker; you’ve always been so obsessed with me.”
“Okay, sure.”
“I think it’s probably a no-go,” Mindy informed him offhandedly. “Remember? I don’t want to pray.”
“Well, you don’t have to pray,” Danny said. “I can pray, you can eat, and Leo can love.”
“A brilliant division of labor. Good work, Castellano.”
Mindy giggled but the joyful sound was cut short by the shrill beep on Danny’s pager. He rummaged through his pockets and studied the screen briefly before looking at her with a guilty look on his face.
“I should go check on Mrs. Grundy.” Danny sighed. “See how many centimeters dilated she is. It’s been nice talking to you.”
“It has.” Mindy agreed. “Hey, Danny? We should do this again soon. I’ve missed talking to you.”
Danny groaned slowly lifting himself off the couch and tossed his cup into the trashcan. He gave her a radiant smile. “I’ve missed talking to you too.”
He was halfway out the door when he turned around to her face her once again.
“Hey, Min?”
“Yeah?” She turned to face him. She had already grabbed the remote and switched the channel. Bravo. Real Housewives. Miami. Score!
“You want to get some coffee sometime?” Danny asked in a desperately breathless sort of voice.
Mindy beamed and qualified his offer. “If by coffee you mean a bear claw, then yes, Danny, I’d love to get coffee with you.”
“Of course,” Danny said. “I’ll be sure to order two. Maybe three to be safe.”
Mindy clutched her hand to her chest. “Ugh, that sounds perfect. You know me so well.”
“That I do,” Danny winked and he sauntered out of the room.
Mindy spread herself out on the couch as a smile spread across her face. She clutched the remote to her chest tightly and dreamily. She nodded to herself. Yes. This was working. This was progress. Tomorrow was going to be different, and if not tomorrow, then the next day. She swore.