Work Text:
abigail reachin for the pineapple “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” says wills head in slomo as he sees her dear sweet precious sweet hand about to get pokey’d by the cruelties of the world. Will leaps into the air to protect his dear sweet precious sweet daughter from the horrible truth that we lead a meaningless existence but he forgot about the coffee table in his haste
STUB goes his will grahm toe
“ow fricken frack” says will as he caresses his wounded member (his TOE getchya head in the game and OUTTA that gutter).
“jesus h christ dad what the he*k are you doing” says abigail as she picks up the pineapple with proper fruit protocol so she does not get wounded. “I… ow… was trying to protect you my child….. fruit… is a cruelty you do not yet know, ow” says Will, standing up gingerly. The doges heard Will crash to the ground and have all gathered around him. They are much concern and are attempting to heal their master with sweet puppy kisses. “ehehehe i am tickle you guys” says will like the adorable little life ruining shit he is. Will pats his doges and they are h*cka happy cuz they love their willy will.
“I AM HEAR CRASH. WHAT IS MATTER” says hamibob with his dumb charismatic wonderful face. “Nothing is the matter doctor lecter i just happened to stub my toe” says will.
“That is not nothing will!!! i must help u” says hamibob, his face doing the wrinkly thing it does when he is worried. Hamibull PICKS UP Will and places him gently on the sofa. the doges crowd around. Much concern. so love. Abigail pats will on da head and then exits because SHES GOT GAMES TO PLAY.
“Here i will put the bandaid on your booboo will” says hanibib. “I think I am perfectly capable of—” “NO I MUST DO IT” Hanniboo gently wraps the badaid around will’s member (HIS TOE) and pats it. “There, all is better. kiss your booboo mwah” says hannibal and in case u couldnt tell he kisses tha booboo (but on top of the bandaid for hYGIENE dimmadarnit).
“Um yes /thank you/ doctor lecter can i get back on my feet now or” “NOOO.” cuts in hamibob. “WhaaAAAt?” says will. “You are my patient will. you must rest and let me take care of you until the booboo is heal.” Hannibal says as he gets up from beside the sofa.
“i am make u tea where secret ingredient is love and you will drink it to feel better”
“that is ridiculous you cant put LOVE into tea doctor lecter there is no evidence that that is a thing you can do”
“well i can certainly put a lot of HEART into making it hehehehhe” says hannibal with crinkle smile.