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The world was ending.
Again.
There was never a time when the world wasn’t ending, there was never a time when Raven and the rest of Skaikru wasn’t going to die. She was used to it by now, biding her time until death. From the Grounders to the Mountain Men to ALIE, they’d defeated them all—but now the world was going to explode, and they couldn’t stop that.
Or, they thought they couldn’t.
Raven and Monty strategized and theorized for three days before concluding that if they blew up the things that were going to blow them up before time ran out, then maybe they would have a chance. And, Raven always loved a good explosion.
Time was limited. The odds of then getting to all the reactors before it was too late were very low, but they had to try. They always had to try. So, they paired off into groups of four. Clarke, Raven, Luna, and Niylah went in one group to the farthest reactor, and the biggest one. Raven studied the blueprints, she knew that monster inside and out, and she knew there was only one way to shut it down—and Clarke was not going to like it.
Raven stared at the large reactor in front of her. It was old and withered, barely standing, caked with rust and decay on top of an equally as damaged building. She was surprised it hadn’t decided to blow sooner. They’d gotten confirmation from the others; this reactor, this large beast, was the last one, and they had two days left.
“The only way to shut it down is to blow it up.” Raven stated what they already knew as she took off her back pack and cracked her knuckles before opening the control panel to reveal a tangled sea of wires. Clarke hovered inches behind her, eyes fixated on Raven’s fingers as she worked the wires. Raven didn’t know why she was even bothering with the wires—she already knew how to blow this one up. Maybe she was just doing it for show, for Clarke. After a few seconds of useless rummaging, Raven sighed and turned her to Clarke, eyes darting back to the control panel, “And the only way to blow it up is to manually blow it up because there’s a failsafe and someone has to keep the button pressed down in order for this thing to go.”
“Which means someone has to stay here and keep their hand on the lever. Someone has to stay here and die.” Clarke nodded with each word, trying to come to terms to what the outcome of this would be.
“Not someone.” Raven met Clarke’s eyes. “Me.”
Color drained from Clarke’s face and her eyes widened. “Raven, no, you can’t. We’ll find another way.”
“There is no other way.” Raven argued.
“There’s always another way.” Clarke countered.
“I’m dead anyway, Clarke!” Raven exclaimed in agitation. Clarke’s face fell, and she shut her mouth, staring at Raven with the saddest eyes. Looking away, Raven said a bit more calmly, “I—I have a month left, two weeks tops, and then my brain is gone. Without my brain, what do I have? I’ll be a rag doll, and that’s no way to live, Clarke. We all have a choice, this is mine.”
Clarke stared at her in disbelief, realizing that this had been Raven’s plan all along. “You already knew about the failsafe.”
Raven turned away from her, trying to control her breathing so that her voice wouldn’t shake when she spoke. “I did. I saw it when I was looking at the blueprints for this thing.”
“Raven, we could have found another way.” Clarke said softly, putting at hand on her friend’s shoulder.
Raven looked up at her, a small smile tugging her lips and she shook her head. “There isn’t another way, Clarke.” But of course Raven knew that Clarke knew that. She just didn’t want to believe it. “You have to accept that I made my choice weeks ago when we set out to destroy this damn thing. I made up my mind then, and it hasn’t changed now. I’m going to do this and you have to let me.”
“Doesn’t mean I agree.” Clarke mumbled, squeezing Raven’s shoulder.
Raven placed her hand on top of Clarke’s, holding it tightly. “Now when have we ever really agreed on anything?”
Clarke laughed, sniffling, then looked at Raven with glossy eyes and smiled sadly, “Raven,” She whispered, searching for what to say. Her friend, maybe even her best friend, was about to die and there was nothing she could do to change that—there was nothing she could do to find a better outcome, an outcome to where she lived.
But this was war, and people died in war, even the people we loved.
“Hey, Clarke,” Raven called, pulling her back to reality.
Clarke flicked her eyes up to the girl. “Yeah?”
“Don’t waste this.” Raven smiled.
Sniffling again, Clarke smiled back and nodded. “We won’t. I promise.” Then she let go of Raven’s shoulder and started back towards the entrance of the building.
Raven turned back to the control panel and began weaving the wires so that they would cause an explosion, and moving some so that she could access the failsafe switch. She didn’t watch Clarke as she left, she couldn’t or else she would start sobbing and if she did that then she wouldn’t stop. She listened until the blonde’s footsteps disappeared and then she shook her head, focused, and got back to work.
Hurry up and save the world, right?
A few minutes with her hand in the panel, and the failsafe popped up and a countdown started. Two minutes. Two minutes for Clarke, Niylah, and Luna to get as far away from there as possible.
Luna. Tears pricked her eyes as the woman’s face flashed through her mind. She didn’t even get to say goodbye, not properly. She was sure Luna knew what she was planning to do; Luna could see it in her face and she’d always been good at reading people. She never said anything to Raven about it, though, didn’t try to talk her out of it, because Raven was as stubborn as Luna and trying to change her mind when she set it on something was a complete waste of time.
They’d had a good run, as short as it was. Meeting Luna, meeting someone who made her feel love again, after Finn and Gina, Raven wasn’t expecting it. But most good things are always unexpected, right?
Hearing footsteps behind her, Raven grumbled under her breath and shouted, “Clarke, I said get the hell out of here!”
“Not Clarke.” Luna said, entering the room.
Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head and she almost let go of the failsafe. “What the hell are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” Luna asked in her usual aloof manner.
“Luna!” Raven hissed, anger overtaking sadness. “Get the hell out of here.”
Luna shook her head. “I’m staying with you.”
“But you can live!” She wanted to shout but her voice came out in a broken sob. How could Luna do this? She was blowing the damn thing up for her! For all of them. So they could live. So she could live! Only one person was supposed to die today, that was the plan. Luna was going to ruin everything.
“I’ve lost all my people, Raven. You’re the only one I have left.” She put her hand inside the control panel and placed it on top of Raven’s so that they were both clutching the lever. “I choose you.” She enunciated each word, stepping closer to Raven so that their bodies were pressed together. She pressed her forehead to Raven’s and whispered, “With you gone, my world wouldn’t make sense.”
“It did before.” Raven said shakily, her breathing shallow.
“But it wouldn’t anymore.” Her free hand came up and rested on the back of Raven’s neck, her thumb lightly stroking the sensitive skin.
“Okay.” Raven exhaled breathlessly, her heartbeat erratic. So they were going to die together, like some futuristic version of Romeo & Juliet, only instead of dying for nothing they were dying to save the world, choosing to die rather than living in a world that ceased to make sense. “All things considered, I had a pretty good life.” Raven shrugged.
“Yeah?” Luna grinned.
Raven flicked her eyes up at Luna’s, biting her lip. “Yeah.”
“Me, too.” Luna agreed, then shrugged, adding, “All things considered.”
“And in the end, I met you.” Raven nuzzled her nose against Luna’s.
“We met each other too late.” She mumbled, the hand behind Raven’s neck trailing down her arm to her hand, where she intertwined their fingers together. “We didn’t have enough time.”
Raven shook her head. “Nah, I think we met each other at just the right time.”
Luna quirked her brows. “You think so?”
Raven gave her a chaste kiss. “I do.” Kissed her again, then looked at the timer inside the control panel and her stomach flipped. “Fifty seconds left.” She breathed out a long sigh, anxiety finally setting in. She wasn’t afraid of death, not since landing on the ground where she faced it every day, but she was nervous about what came after. After the blackness, after the shock.
“We’ll be reborn.” Luna said, as if reading the girls mind.
Raven looked at her curiously. “Reincarnation?” Luna nodded. Raven considered this. “If we do get reincarnated, I hope we meet each other again.”
“We will.” Luna affirmed, kissing each of Raven’s cheeks. “Kindred spirits have a way of finding each other in every lifetime.” Her lips met Raven’s, warm and chapped, molding together. They poured everything they had left into the kiss, all the love, all the worry, all the fear, everything they couldn’t convey into words was screamed against their lips, and when they pulled apart they could barely breathe.
“Do you think it will hurt?” Raven asked, her forehead against Luna’s once again.
She shook her head, not opening her eyes, still trying to remain in the euphoria. “I don’t think we’ll feel anything.”
Raven’s eyes went back to the timer. “Twenty seconds.” She said softly, her voice barely audible. Tears pooled both of their eyes, some escaping down their cheeks. They weren’t sad that it was over, they were happy to have gotten a beginning at all.
“I love you.” Luna said.
“I love you.” Raven said.
And they grabbed each other into a tight embrace, bringing their bodies as close as possible to each other, so close they melted together, as if they were one entity. The timer started beeping and Raven whined, her grip on Luna’s back tightening. Luna buried her face in Raven’s neck and the beeping got louder and louder and quicker and quicker.
And then there was silence.
And then everything was warm.
And then there was nothing.