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“If you want to go to a place like that, just let me know, okay?”
Yona’s own words bounced around in her head, mocking her. Back at Awa, Hak had wanted nothing to do with them. He’d sworn up and down that he had no intention of messing with girls, and after meeting Jaeha, she knew he hadn’t been lying. So when she had caught him sneaking off the perimeters of their camp after dinner, a bulging pouch of rin in hand, the last place she figured he would be heading to was the red light district. But he was, and he flatly admitted it to her--completely unabashedly.
“I was heading out to Sensui’s Red Light district for the night.”
The words felt like he’d simultaneously dumped a bucket of ice water over her head, and ripped the ground from under her feet. Hak… was going to play with a girl? A beautiful one? One who met his every probable standard?
Yona had calmly sent him on his way, even as endless scenarios ripped through her mind a million miles a second, each one worse than the last.
Hak... meeting some pretty girl with hair that isn’t so red or so unruly, who’s never put his life on the line, who’s never bossed him around or worried him sick. That girl, falling for his smile, twining her fingers with his, holding his face, kissing his lips… spending her nights with him. Would she have to come to their union? Sit with the rest of the wedding guests and watch him exchange vows with some other woman? Would she--
“Shut up. ” She hissed to herself. He’s going out for a single night of enjoyment, stop acting like he’s already left you forever.
… but he would someday, wouldn’t he? He’ll find someone who’s curvy and tall, whose humour is just as dry and teasing as his, who could actually compete with him in a fight--a cool, tough beauty that matched him perfectly. And suddenly, he would want out. He’d ask to leave the group so that he could go live happily with his love, and of course she’d let him, because he deserves so much more than just his freedom.
Yona silenced the cynical voice in her head and rolled onto her side, drawing her knees up to her chest. After catching Hak, she had retired to her tent for the night to mope, knowing she’d worry her family if she spent the evening with them. She could see the faint flicker of their campfire through the thin slit in her tent flaps, hear each of their voices carry on hushed conversations she couldn’t quite make out.
All but one… That stupid, intrusive voice mocked in her head.
Why was she was being so silly and selfish? She didn’t own Hak, and she didn’t want to. He had his own life, his own feelings, his own desires… none of it was any of her business nor was it something she could or should control. If he wanted to mess around with girls, that was his right. A right even she’d defended, once upon a time. She knew it, she knew all of these things painfully well…
And yet, here she was, still getting stupidly jealous over it.
Yona sighed, wrapping her blanket around her head as if it could stifle the ache in her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to banish the mental image of Hak surrounded by beautiful women from her mind, but it just kept creeping back. For a moment, she wondered if things would have been easier if she hadn’t realized how she felt about him…No, definitely not. She’d feel the same, only she’d have no name for it.
“Hak! Where have you been for the past hours? Hime-sama is ill!” Kija’s voice suddenly piped up from outside the tent, only to be followed by a chorus of shushing.
What? Yona sat up immediately. Shouldn’t he be out until morning for… those kinds of activities?
“I was out, White Snake.” She heard Hak answer. “Hime is sick?”
“She said she has a headache,” Yun clarified, matter-of-factly. Then, with a voice tinged with anger, “It’s likely a byproduct of her long-term dehydration.”
“You didn’t answer me, Hak,” Kija hissed. “Where were you? You didn’t even tell us you were going anywhere! The last thing we need is someone else going missing just after we got Hime-sama back!”
“Sorry to worry you, White Snake. I needed some weapon polish so I went to buy some in-town.”
He was lying? She realized, and the blankets fell from around her shoulders. He was more ashamed to admit it to the others than to me? A strange, conflicting feeling twisted her gut. On one hand, she was happy he felt he could confide in her, that he trusted her to understand him in ways the others might not. On the other, it made her ache to realize just how little it mattered to him that she knew, just how little she must register to him as a woman.
The two feelings seemed to wrestle for dominance, and perhaps because she was already moping, the depressive feeling won.
“Let us know next time, Thunder Beast.” Yona vaguely heard Yun grumble. “I would’ve gone with you, we’re low on rice.”
“Yes, mother.”
“I never gave birth to you!”
Some muffled laughter followed, and Yona’s face felt warm. How silly and pathetic was she, feeling so warm and happy just because she heard him laugh… but Gods, did she hang on his every chuckle. She was just so glad to know Hak could still be genuinely happy, and she was so grateful to the others for welcoming him despite his incessant teasing.
The tent flaps ruffled suddenly, startling her. Scrambling to look as if she were asleep, Yona fell backward--missing her pillow and smacking the back of her head on the ground. She hit grass, so the blow wasn’t as harsh as it could be, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
Her hands flew to her head, and an involuntary grunt of pain spilled from her lips just as the tent flaps were tugged open.
“Oh, Hime.” Hak peered over her, concern wrinkling his brow. “Sorry. Did White Snake wake you?”
Yona sat up, cradling her head. “No,” She said, embarrassed. “My… head just hurts a bit.” At least it wasn’t a lie anymore.
“I can get Yun--” He started to duck back out of the tent flaps.
“No!” Yona was pretty sure Yun had no cure for stupidity, otherwise she’d have requested it far sooner. Scrap that, Yun would have used it on them far sooner. “It’s--I’m fine. Thank you, Hak.”
He heaved a sigh, and settled cross-legged at her feet. “If you say so,”
She was dying to ask why he was back so soon; if that meant he never actually went to the red-light district, if he was stopped by something, if he’d only been teasing her when he said that. The rational side of her brain stomped on each question before they found her mouth, shutting them down with one simple statement.
It’s none of your business.
“Did you… need something?” She asked instead.
At her question, Hak stiffened slightly, bringing a hand to the back of his neck. His blue gaze flit around the tent, never focusing on her or anything for long. And perhaps it was the poor lighting, but Yona could swear she saw the slightest spread of redness across his cheeks. It was almost as if he was… nervous? No. Not Hak. Not the same guy who had a snarky reply for everything, who didn’t sweat in the face of danger, who could be surrounded with beautiful women without batting an eye. Hak never got nervous, least of all in front of her… didn’t he?
After a moment of (hesitant?) silence, Hak sighed and jammed his free hand into his robe, retrieving a small parcel. It was plainly wrapped in brown paper, tied in place with a frayed string.
“Here.” He said, thrusting the package in her direction.
Yona blinked at the box, confused. “What--what is it?”
“Just...” He took her hand and laid the little parcel in her palm. “I, um. It’s for you.”
Yona was stunned. Hak, of all people, stumbling over his words and getting tongue-tied. It was something she rarely, if ever, experienced. Even when Jaeha would tease him about something outrageous, he’d never respond past a threat. And yet, as he watched her unwrap the gift, he seemed finicky and flustered, as if he was fighting off the urge to snatch the package back from her.
She couldn’t understand what had him so bothered, but as she lifted the lid from the box, she completely forgot her desire to ask.
It was a small pendant looped through a thick, tan-leather cord. The cord was attached to an intricate, winged handle formed from tendrils of silver and dotted with a couple of tiny gems. At the base of handle, a long, thin powder-pink stone sat--polished and chiseled to a dull point.
“I can take it back and you can pick out something better,” Hak said quickly as she stared open-mouthed. “I don’t why I even thought I’d be able to pick something you’d--”
“Hak, it’s…” Yona interrupted, lifting the pendant from the box. A laugh bubbled from her chest. “It’s perfect .”
She was baffled that he just always seemed to know. It was like a super power of his; knowing everything about her without even trying, effortlessly reading her. He knew what she liked, what she hated, what she needed, how she needed it, what makes her happy, when she was sad… Hak just knew everything. One would think she’d get used to it after a lifetime of friendship, but she never could.
Only Hak would think to buy her a sword-shaped pendant. Only Hak would know how perfect such a thing would be.
“Are you sure?” He asked, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s no big deal if you don’t--”
“No really, it’s beautiful.” She shook her head, reaching behind her head to tie the leather cord around her neck. “I just… Why? How? When?”
Hak reached into his robe, fishing out the little blue lapis necklace she’d bought him the week prior. He looked down at it, then back up at her. “This was a… small comfort for me when we were separated.” He admitted softly, dropping blue shard of lapis so that it fell back against his chest. “I thought… I don’t know… that maybe it’d be nice if you had something to do the same.”
Yona reached down to touch the sword pendant at her chest, her cheeks reddening. She hadn’t realized he saw her gift that way.
A sly smile spread across his lips then, his stiff shoulders finally relaxing as he shrugged. “As for when and how? I bought it just now, with the money I’ve had saved from what Yun gives us every time we sell medicine in-town.” He said, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. “I told you I was going to the red-light district so you wouldn’t follow.”
Yona gasped in exasperation, whapping him on the arm. “You uncute liar.”
Deep down, she was relieved. Extremely so. He hadn’t spend the night surrounded by adoring, beautiful women, he’d spent it picking out a gift for her. The realization was equal parts embarrassing as it was a comfort--she’d let herself think of the most melodramatic scenarios, she had moped for hours, when she really had no reason to.
“How does it look?” She asked shyly, trying to distract herself. She tossed her red curls over her shoulder as to not obscure the pendant from view.
Hak reached between them for the necklace, tracing a thumb over its glossy surface. His lightning blue eyes flicked up to meet hers, and a gentle smile quirked his lips.
“It suits you.”
The simple praise left her face redder than her hair. She opened her mouth to thank him, unsure if she was thanking him for the pendant, the compliment, or just… everything. Before she could figure it out, she was interrupted by a new voice.
“I agree. It looks very cute on you, Yona-chan.”
Hak stiffened, a look of pure and unbridled annoyance crossing his face. Behind him, peeking through the tent flaps with a smirk so wide it nearly split his face, was Jaeha. He gave a wink, a hearty salute, and soon disappeared from sight. Predictably, Hak soon followed with a growl and clenched fists.
“You’re dead, Droopy Eyes.” He spat, tearing back out into the campsite.
Yona could hear Jaeha laughing somewhere above her, no doubt safely perched in a tree. Meanwhile, Yun was yelling warnings and Zeno was cheering for a fight. She found herself laughing along with him, clenching her new present in her hand fondly.
“I love it,” She admitted out loud to herself
I love you.