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“Bryn, move this requires a gentle hand that you do not possess” I stated, nudging Bryn out of my way with my hip and twisting the cake board, continuing along the bottom of the cake, piping bag in hand. Bryn gave me a dramatic pout, and continued to watch me, Calvera was stood very close to him, on her tiptoes. “I think it would be best if the icing was tasted first to ensure its palatable. Of course, you’d need an adult’s opinions and a child’s one.” Bryn stated, the lust in his eyes peculiar to see outside of the bedroom. Calvera was nodding along, watching my every move. “Fine. You can have what’s left in the bowl, just let me pipe in peace.”. Bryn planted an overly dramatic kiss on my cheek, and walked over to the sink, removing the bowl from beside it and walking off, Calvera following on his trail. I make a mental note that Bryn likes to lick icing.
I sat cautiously in Bryns car, holding the box firmly in my hands. Calvera was holding Adin’s present in her own, staring at it with a look of steely determination after Bryn had told her to careful with it. She struggles to multitask and was clearly focussing all her attention on the item in her hand, which Bryn had caringly wrapped. Bryn drove at his usual, painfully slow, law abiding pace. Bryn was talking to Echo, asking him about various computer related things to try to prompt him to speak, but if I'm honest I wasn’t really paying much attention. I don’t much like being in cars, being on the road in one reminds me of that night; of all of the rock bottoms I had hit, that was definitely the worst. A night that haunts me every moment, it hangs over me. I imagine Bryn shares in my anguish; his own past is far more graphic than mine and just as degrading, sleeping is not something that comes easily to him. Alexanders house is not far from our own, at least not in a car so we arrive pretty quickly, I unbuckle myself with some difficulty since I have a rather large cake perched upon my lap and lift myself up and out of the car, the box clutched firmly in my hands.
Bryn knocks, since Calvera has her hands full, watching the gift within them with great care. Alexander appears at the door within a few moments, greeting us with all of his usual over politeness. His eyes return to Bryn afterward as he motions us inside, and I resist the urge to scowl at the man for even daring to gaze upon Bryns beauty. I promised I’d be polite. Well, I promised I’d try to be. We enter alexanders rather classically decorated home. It’s a stark contrast to ours, which is full of toys and photographs and has a floor permanently covered in dog chews and plastic rocket ships that I always fucking stub my toe on. Alexanders house is organised, colour coded with classic cherry wood floors, and sleek panelling on the walls, the top half of which features a patterned red paper. The entire thing holds an antique manor vibe, which I suppose does match the buildings old brick walls and slightly mossy exterior.
The gift is placed lovingly upon the table with the rest of them by Calvera, and I walk into the kitchen (which I'm sure was expensive but nowhere near as nice as mine) to rest the cake upon the counter. “Thank you for constructing a cake, Derek. I am afraid children’s Birthday cakes are not something I am experienced with, and Adin declined to tell me what sort of cake he preferred.” I Turned around at Alexanders voice, he enunciated each word, kind of like Bryn- but it sounded more as though it was because it was how he was taught, to literally translate, rather than anything else. I can’t quite figure out where he’s from, but he certainly isn’t American. “No problem Al” I stated, forcing myself to remain civil and light. “Alexander.” He returned, and looked at me with the same emotionless gaze he looked at everything with. The guy really creeps me out. Maybe it’s having one eye. I wonder what his depth perception is like. He excuses himself then, holding a hand out, which I force myself to shake and walking off to attend to his guests. What kind of cunt doesn’t know what his kids favourite cake is?
I made my way outside, following the noise of screaming children and laughing adults, and scanned my eyes across the scene to locate someone not boring to talk to. I see Hanz out the corner of my eye, and decide he’s probably my best bet at decent conversation. Despite only working for a couple of hours a week he shows great promise, he’s good at multitasking and grasps things pretty quickly. I'm definitely going to offer him a fulltime job when he finishes school. I stepped down the porch steps, shuffling my way through the concerned stares of various women and made my way down to him, he was chatting to Jenny, an innocent and motherly lady. I like to see how many sex puns I can fit into conversations before she notices. My goal is to get to 69. I was about to interrupt the conversation, and improve it with my presence of course, when I was promptly ambushed by a barrage of children, only one of which was my own. I looked down at the 8 tiny eyes and blinked. Calvera, leah, Acis, Theo and Klaus were all looking at me with eager, and somewhat hungry eyes. Am I about to get rugby tackled? “When can we see the cake?” asked Leah, at the same time as Calvera asked when she could eat the cake. I couldn’t help but smirk; she might not be my daughter but she is definitely my daughter. I held both my hands up in surrender, letting a small smirk rest on my face. I love kids, they’re so unlike adults in their openness and honesty. “I don’t fucking know, ask Alexander” I chuckled, gesturing loosely to the patio which likely held Alexander. The kids disappeared in a cluster as quickly as they appeared, and I felt a hand rest itself on my shoulder, turning me. I did as the hand commanded and was met by Bryns face. “How many times have I said not to swear in front of the kids? Especially not kids that aren’t even ours.” He scolded, his ‘How many times do I have to tell you not to do this’ voice coming out for the 2000th time that day. “my bad” I stated, I could still feel the smirk resting on my face. Bryn had his scolding face on, but it’s really hard to take it seriously all the time. “If you can’t refrain from swearing I will make you socialise with the adults.” He threatened, much to my horror. I mean the wine moms do nothing but unsubtly ask about our sex life, and comment upon my ‘exotic’ accent, and none of the dads take me seriously, because, well, I'm a flaming homo. As much as I detest hanging around adults, I think Bryn hates me being around adults more. Challenge accepted.
We make our way over to a smallish group of people; 3 women and a man, much to my anguish- I think Bryn is doing it on purpose. I glance around loosely, the kids are all running around on the grass, and jumping on a trampoline so I see no harm in smoking. I drop my hand into my pocket, removing the box and taking one out, completely ignoring the dickheads I am surrounded by. I returned the box to my pocket, bringing the lighter up before I realised Bryn was saying my name. Based on his tone, not for the first time. I give him a ‘what’ look, lighting the stick up. I took a drag of the cigarette, turning my head to exhale away from the group as I lowered it from my mouth. One of the women starts giving the fakest cough I have ever heard in my entire life, and I give Bryn my ‘is this fucking real life?’ look. He just raises his brows at me, as if he actually expects me to throw away a perfectly good cigarette. “Derek, put it out, there are children here”, he stated flatly in a serious ‘dad’ tone. “Bryn, I just lit it, besides all the kids are down there.” I gestured loosely to the grass below us, and the collection of kids sat on the floor. “We’ll discuss this later, I’m not having your childishness ruin Adins birthday.” Bryn had spoken low enough that I doubt anyone else had heard him. Ah yes, because me smoking in front of some cow makes me a child. I let out a huff, walking off and away from the dicks, and the Bryn who was nothing like the one at home.
I pushed my way through the shitty adults, and through the large fence door, and exited Alexanders stupid fucking house. I couldn’t really go anywhere without Bryn, since he’d driven, so I just sat on the step of the door, taking a long drag from the cigarette. I leant back against the door, letting my back hit the sun warmed wood and pulled my phone from my pocket. I don’t really talk to many people, I don’t consider myself a friend heavy person. Bryn, Hanz and Dahlia; that’s kind of it. I get along much better with kids than I do with adults. I let out a deep sigh, feeling my stomach sitting heavy from Bryns lack of defence. I swallowed, feeling the familiar itch of cravings heighten itself and closed my eyes, running my free hand through my hair. A familiar voice catches my attention, shadow looming. I looked up at Dahlia, feeling my shoulders relax a little. I sniff, taking a breath in to steady myself. “Dahlia.” Fuck that came out weaker than I intended. “Derek, why aren’t you with Bryn?”. Fuck you and your detective skills, Dahlia. “I'm ruining Adins birthday by smoking around a bunch of cunty adults.” Dahlia laughed, turning around and dropping herself beside me, shoving me across to make room for her fat arse. “Don’t see the problem if they aren’t right next to you, you’re outside anyways” She responded; I can always count on dahlia to agree with me. “This bitch let out the fakest cough I’ve ever heard. Bryn took HER side…He isn’t the same around other people. It’s like he's pretending to be…I don’t know.” I flicked the stub of what was once a cigarette away, beginning to light up another. Fuck Bryn, I'm chain smoking. “Well first off, she’s a bitch. You’re outside, it’s a perfectly fine place to smoke; secondly, Bryns probably just trying to be nice.” I snorted at her response, “Just not to me.” I replied, smoke trailing from my lips on the exhale of the drag. “not when he has people to impress. People who can speak English properly and who aren’t recovering drug addicts covered in tattoos right? Bryn loves me, I know that. But I also know he wishes I was a little…Different.” I took another drag, scowling at the cigarette, the back of my mind wishing it was a needle in my hand instead. “Yeah, everyone has their flaws but he still loves you. If he wasn’t willing to accept them you wouldn’t be married.” I just twirled the cigarette between my fingers, not having any way to respond that wouldn’t end with me screaming, or crying in honesty. I'm an over emotional selfish faggot, what can I say. “He settled, because he doesn’t think he's worth as much as he is. He loves me, yeah. But…he's educated and intelligent and patient, and kind, and loyal and attractive and giving. I'm a temperamental asshole who got kicked out of medical school for doing too much heroin. He's too good for me and being around these people…How long until he realises that?”
“I will realise it when it becomes true.” I closed my eyes at the familiar voice, as Dahlias weight shifted from the step, swiftly replaced by Bryn. “So…never” he finished, with a sigh. I stayed silent, flicking the stub of the cigarette away and removing the box from my pocket; pulling out another. I’m not in the mood for this. "I wonder sometimes - well, more often than I'd care to admit - of the state of your lungs." He stated. “Would you rather I did heroin?” I asked, attempting a pathetic bit of humour, although in honesty it just sounded bitter. "If we are discussing preferences, I would rather you did neither." Well that isn’t going to happen. “well you know me Bryn, over dependent and bad at dealing with stress. I don’t know what you want from me.” I wince a little at the cracking in my voice as he responds "I want to help you, Derek. Is that not, after all, what husbands are supposed to do? If not to help, then at least to support." Damn it Bryn, you’re such a decent fucking person. I know that isn’t even an empty statement, I know he truly does just want to help. “I don't like these cunts Bryn. And they don't like me. You seem to want me to pretend to be...This non-controversial, never swears perfect husband and... I can't do that. I can't be that” I continued to cringe at my openness, internally anyway. I still don’t like feeling this exposed, Bryn could rip my heart out if he wanted to. "I don't want you to be anyone other than yourself. I am not expecting you to befriend anyone here - personally, I find most of them to be abysmal company. But... I just want them to accept us, for the sake of the children. You know how cruel parents can be." yes I do, Bryn. I haven’t seen mine in a long time. “You seem to enjoy their company. You...Don't even look like you're struggling to fit in.” I shrugged my shoulders, scowling down at the cigarette I still hadn’t lit, and twirling it between my fingers. “Really?" Bryn let out a chuckle; my chest always feels so full when I hear him laugh. "It is taking all of my self-control not to insult their ignorance." I couldn’t help but snort at that “I heard two of them discussing our sex life...You Really do a good job of hiding your hatred” I responded, looking at him for the first time since the conversation had started. "Well I suppose when you've lived the life I have, you need to learn civil cues so as to 'fit in'." shit I forget sometimes; Bryn’s so together it’s easy to- he's been through far more horrors than I have. "I hope you don’t feel like you have to fake anything with me" I couldn’t help but smirk, unable to resist the joke. “I like the real Bryn, all of him.” Bryn looked back at me "And you shall get all of the real Bryn." Bryn paused for a while, his eyes losing focus for a moment as he pondered in his wonderful mind "You know about what has happened. Other people... they may know who I am. They may recognise me if I do not act as civil and likeminded." I wish Bryn didn’t see that part of himself, I don’t, I just see a patient father helping with homework and tying shoes; he's not the same person as back then. I dropped an arm over his shoulder, planting a kiss on the side of his forehead, taking in the comfortingly faint smell of watermelon. “you'll always have me Bryn. The only thing I recognise in you is an adoring husband and father. I don’t see anything else, and I doubt the morons in there do either.” I kept my arm around him, not bothering to lift my head back up, just resting my forehead against his instead. “agapi mou” I muttered, the only thing I can say in Greek. “Mi amore” Bryn responded, my own mother tongue sounding delightful in his voice. It’s kind of hot…