Chapter Text
Running, panting, crying, pain. That is what my earliest memory is. I am only six and for as long as i can remember, i am different from everyone else. I am hated, for what i am not sure but i wish so much that i knew the cause. I would change it if i only knew what i did. But i don't. And the only thing i do know is that i am not equal to them. To the village, i am a burden, a leech, a parasite, a monster, unwanted and so much more names i could go on for hours. Letting out a long sigh i continue to walk the almost empty streets of konoha. The air is so cold it feels as if needles are hitting your face all at one time, it's winter and to be fair i dont have the best of clothes to keep the heat in. Welll i don't really have clothes per say but one pair of an orange jump suit. It was all i was given, and orange really isn't the best color for a future ninja but it is perfect for a target. I know because i am often reminded of it.
It's almost midnight and i make my way to a training ground that is still open to the village but rarely used due to its thick forest that hardly leaves any space to train at all. Besides, there is a town legend that this training ground is cursed. Of course i shake a few branches every now and then to uphold that legend to so called “brave” people looking to prove the legend wrong. This place is my sanctuary, I like coming here, it quiet, beautiful, and best of all, deserted. I often sleep here, in fact i stay here more than i visit my run down “house”. And since i have nothing else to do, i train here, being here for a long time, i know this 10 mile forest like the back of my hand. At first i was just curious, then i saw it as a challenge to train in here since no one else even tried to, after i saw it as a puzzle and strived to learn every centimeter of this forest, and now, i consider it my home. Of course being by myself all this time means i don't speak as much, in fact i don't speak at all, not because i can't but because i choose not to. I see it as a bother, a waste of breath, it's not like they care what i have to say. Many people in the village think i am a mute. The kids and teens see it as a challenge of “ let's see who can beat the words out of him”. It always hurts in the moment but if i lay still for an hour or three(depending on how many broken bones i have) i feel completely normal. Though lately i feel as if the pain goes away, well not away but not there at all. As if when i get hit i feel the contact but don't feel the pain itself. But i just brush it off and thank my body for adapting and making the pain almost non-existent.
I stand next to my favorite spot in the forest, the heart of it, it has the tallest trees here. I kick myself from the side of two trees next to each other and make my way up little by little, kick by kick. Until i reach my favorite tree trunk and sit on it. I should train but today i just feel like sitting and staring at the moon. It's the full moon and i always feel calm and uplifted when i look at it, bathe in its light. I close my eyes and just let my mind go blank, that is until i feel a familiar fur brush up on my neck. I smile as i open my eyes. Its my unofficial pet, it's a wild black fox. Fox’s are rare in our village because they are hunted however i think she survived because her coat is all black and she could easily escape if she was caught due to her small build. I think this as much of a sanctuary for me as it is for her. I meet her about a year ago when i was on one of my walks through this forest. I heard a whimper and i followed it. It led me to her, she had one injured and bleeding. I instantly felt sympathy, so i cleaned her wounds and believe me it was a hard task to do, she kept on scratching, biting, and growling at me. However after i cleaned her wounds, i let her be. Then the week continuing she followed me like a small shadow but at a safe distance from me. And as the days passed, she would walk closer and closer until having her by my side in this forest became a constant thing. I called her shadow because of this reason. Scratching behind her ears she lets out a loud purr. I pulled my hand away from her and took out a small piece of bread from my pocket, “sorry, it's all i could get.” She if very capable of feeding herself in this forest however i just feel the need to provide for her. After all, she is as close as i will ever get to a family. I love her. I see myself as her older brother, we are both unwanted and have only each other. I let out a small smile as she happily munches on the small dinner. When she is done, she curls up on my lap as per usual. We always spend the day together, and if i can't make it, we meet up on this tree and fall asleep together. This is our normal routine, this is what makes me continue on despite all the hate. Moments like these that make it all worthwhile. My sanctuary.
---------------------------------------------------------next day---------------------------------------------
I couldn't sleep the whole night. The hunger in my stomach was all i could focus on. But i didn't move a muscle, i didn't want to wake shadow. When she got up, she stretched, gave me a few licks on the face and then swiftly made her way down the tree. I began to stretch myself as i watched her until she disappeared behind a bush. Sometimes we spend the day together but others like today, we just want to be left alone. I quickly made my way down as well. Letting out a long sigh i thought of today's mission. Find food and try not to get hunted today. Sounds simple but is not such an easy task. When i make my way out of the forest and into the outskirts of konoha, i instantly put my guard up. Anything can happen at any time and i can't afford to lose a second of running. I am after all still a child physically.
I'm in the mood for something a week old. I don't think i can handle moldy food today. So my best bet is the trash of konoha's famous dumplings. I continue to walk the streets with my head low and trying to make myself as small and unnoticeable as i can,not that it helps. I still get the same looks and remarks as i always do.
~time skip~
Finally i have something in my stomach. I got lucky too! I found four dumplings with only a small bite taken from each. So basically almost four whole dumplings. I ate three and saved the best one for shadow. I make my way toward my sorry excuse of an apartment. It's time i washed my clothes. I am about a block from my apartment when i feel a stone hit the back of my head. I turn around only to see a small group of kids that i recognize, they are the group that only throw objects instead of fists so they aren't that bad. I run to get to my apartment but that doesn't stop the wave of stones being thrown at me. I finally get in my apartment and lock the door behind me. They only followed me to the building but did not enter. I let out a sigh as I look at how much dust has settled, has it really been that long since i came home? I wash my clothes in the shower by hand, the water takes a while to heat up so while i wait i use the cold water to wash them. Finally done, i set them in front of my mini hangers and let them begin to air dry. The water finally got warm so i speed showered before it decides go cold again.
When i am finally out i decide to check if my clothes dried yet due to the cold winds blowing in. No luck. So i wrap myself in the thin bed sheets to keep warm. I decide to take a nap since i have nothing else to do and i don't really see the point in cleaning this place if i only come here to get myself cleaned up.
The taunts and old pain were all intensified and i felt tears fall down my cheeks. I begin to feel anger. Anger at myself for letting them get to me. It hurts to be unwanted but it's idiotic if i let the facts upset me. It is what it is. So i bottle up the rage with the rest that i have bottled up over the years. I get up and find my clothes dry enough so i put them on. Then I slap my face and force myself to focus. I have to get back to shadow before it starts. The worst day of the year. The nine tailed fox festival. Its the one day i am tormented the worst.... I look out the window and notice it's dark out so i turn to the simple clock by the bed. It’s almost midnight.
Walking near the forest i hear whispers behind me so i turn, there is no one there. After walking a bit more, i hear footsteps behind me and i turn..only to see nothing again. Now i am scared, i usually always see what is coming but not knowing anything has me panicky. So i sprint toward my sanctuary, only to know for sure now that i am being followed. I being running, with all my might, and then i hear them behind me. Their footsteps hitting the ground. I make it into the forest and i peek at them from behind a bush, only to see that no one is there. Maybe i am getting to paranoid because of tomorrow. So i catch my breath and walk around the forest since the fun is still out. About ten minutes into my walk, shadow joins me. We play predator and prey. I have to catch her and when i do she has to catch me. Sounds simple but with her small build and my stamina, we tyre each other out fast. So after awhile we just give each other our undivided attention. I pet her with one hand as she licks my other. Its nice and quiet, until we hear a branch snap. We both immediately look toward the source and then we hear it again. I stand up and begin walking in that direction only to discover that whatever was here ran off. I could tell because there were many broken branches that practically yelled “i went this way!” I decide it was probably another animal because no human well besides me ever even dare to enter this place. I decide to take another nap to sooth my nerves and find that shadow is also up for sleep so we head to our usual spot. Some rest before the longest day of the year.