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The first time Michael falls into bed with Geoff, they’re both drunk off their asses.
The second time, they’re coming down from the best adrenaline high either of them have felt in years.
The third time, there is something much more meaningful to it.
Maybe being FWBs with your boss is something that should be questioned a little sooner than hey-that-was-a-little-more-intimate-than-planned, but Michael and Geoff have been through life and death together more times than they can count. Michael had thought it doesn’t get more intimate than that.
He was wrong.
Life and death is much more frustrating when you’re pining after one of your many partners-in-crime and you have no fucking idea how to express your feelings. A fear growing steadily in the pit of his stomach whispers that somehow, he’ll never get the chance. Eventually, Michael snaps. Grabs Geoff by the arms and pins him against the wall on the way to the bedroom and asks, “What are we, Geoff?”
“What do you want to be, Michael?” Geoff replies, clearly confused, but the corner of his mouth quirks up all the same.
“I don’t fucking know. More than this. Yours,” Michael admits. He could release Geoff now, step back, but something has him in a vice. He feels warm. Either it’s the post-heist bevs or Geoff is smiling, oh shit-
“You already are, Michael, you just don't know it yet,” he replies, and there’s something hungry in it but something too soft, too, and suddenly Michael remembers their third night together too vividly, and Geoff kisses him like they have all the time in the world.
They might really have all the time in the world, but every time Geoff dies, Michael feels a loss more intense than the last. It always seems for a moment like he must be out of lives to come back from – out of luck. A different day, and it’s still Geoff, but maybe he’s a different person and they don’t know it yet.
Geoff starts having the nightmares first.
They had all shared in their horror when first realising their predicament. A blessing at first glance, of course, but immortality – if it can even be called that – isn’t free. Eventually they had all been able to wrap their minds around the concept and make a feeble attempt at coming to terms with what looked like their future, but they did it in such a way that things got wrapped up and shoved in corners, where they would be lost and forgotten.
Geoff, being unable to shove things into corners that have long been full, gets caught first. It starts with a bottle of rum, which quickly becomes two, which becomes Michael coming home to Geoff having drunk himself into a too-severe bout of alcohol poisoning.
That is the first time.
Michael watches Geoff closely after that. Pushes his own issues away in favour of dealing with everyone elses’. It’s easier that way. Less complicated. Geoff gets a handle on his drinking for the second time since they’ve met. Things are good until things are not good anymore.
“You’ve been subconsciously bottling for two years,” the doctor tells him as if he sees it every day. “We’re going to put you on sertraline. It’ll help your depression and your anxiety. Come back to me in a month and we’ll see how things are going. Expect a two-year course.”
The doctor draws a diagram and uses some acronyms (SSID? SSRI?) to explain how the drugs work. Michael does not remember any of it. He sees the doctor again in a month. Sertraline becomes Valium as needed. That becomes two Valium a day. Michael is not okay. Geoff starts drinking again.
By the time Michael no longer has an entire pharmacy on his bedside table, the crew has been taking care of them so long they are living in the penthouse. The office has been converted into a temporary bedroom. There are blankets and pillows permanently strewn across the sectional in the living room. Michael likes it. He and Geoff decide to look for a place with more bedrooms.
They find a house in Vinewood Hills with a big pool and a tall fence, and their neighbours don’t bother them because they don’t bother their neighbours. They start going on heists again. Michael doesn’t have anxiety attacks in the middle of them. Geoff stops drinking and stays that way.
“Listen, honey, the dump truck wouldn’t have exploded if you hadn’t driven it off the bridge in the first place.”
“Maybe if Gavin hadn’t blown the fucking plane up, I wouldn’t have had to avoid its giant, flaming corpse!”
“Mom and dad are fighting again,” Ray says as Geoff picks Michael up and tosses him unceremoniously into the pool after a short struggle. Ryan sips his drink with an innocent grin. Jack tries not to laugh when Michael surfaces, slinging a series of increasingly insulting words in Geoff’s direction. Gavin gets dunked when he strays too close in the water.
Things weren’t good for long enough the first time around, Michael thinks. Not in the right way. Fix it.
He stops closing himself off. Tells Geoff how he feels, even when it hurts. It’s a good thing. It means he’s better, now. Geoff tells him how he feels, too, and he’s never had a hard time doing it before, but now he says so much more than Michael’s heard.
They decide to get married, to have something to carry from one life to another. Gavin volunteers himself to organise it. They say they don’t want an expensive wedding. He throws them one anyways. Jack marries them. Michael cries. Geoff cries later, but he’s laughing.
Ray leaves the crew for bigger and better things. Michael saw it coming. Geoff knew it would happen. For a long time, they’re not sure if they’re okay.
They find Jeremy on the streets. He joins them. The crew feels complete again, almost, but something new is there. Maybe Ray was happy with them, but not where he was. Michael doesn’t know, but Jeremy is happy. He can feel it in everything the crew does together.
Ray visits, sometimes, when he can. They talk. They wish. Sometimes, they promise.
The house in Vinewood Hills goes up in flames. They move farther north, out of town, and invest in a few more safehouses. Geoff decides it’s time for the crew to vacation for a while, so they do.
Ask Michael who he is five years ago, and he will say anger, gunpowder, arson. Ask him today, and he will tell you about his death, and his life, and Geoff.