Work Text:
“I give you the power, my body is yours”
You don't even realize how it happens.
You've only been in Lima for two weeks, and in that time, you've met for coffee just twice.
Today is the first time you're actually visiting ehr at her home, and it's a little bit scare how it doesn't take more than that; more than being alone in the same space.
Perhaps it's the years of represed feelings, that are to blame. Feelings that you thought were long gone, but are now resurfacing. Perhaps it's the fact that Rachel feels lost, trapped in a life you, once upon a time, so desperately wanted out of.
Maybe it's all that, and maybe it's the moment.
Finn is at work, you're all alone with her for the first time in years, and the tension between you coils so tightly that you have no choice.
Her body crashes against yours and everything else fades into the moans that follow.
You surrender completely.
"It's fine if my blood drips on the floor, with your ink in hand
Stain my skin, I desire that erotic sin"
You decide it won't happen again - she's married and you'll be leaving for New York at the end of the summer - but it's a resolution that lasts only a day.
It happens again and again, when you get the chance, and you quickly realize that this is turning into an addiction.
Oh, you know it's wrong. You know it, and she knows. But it also feels so right, like she's the solution to a puzzle you've een trying to figure out for years.
And maybe you have. Maybe that's why you can't stay away.
You know this is a sin, but having Rachel like this, moaning under your touch, whimpering your name, it's worth the punishment.
"Don't try and soften the pain, it's the best part
Go slow, so I can remember it by heart"
You don't pretend that this is some kind of fantasy that finally comes true. You're not that naive, and Rachel won't let you believe it anyway.
There's still a wedding ring on her finger, and his name leaves her lips every time she has to go.
That's what hurts the most.
So you try.
You try to memorize every line, every curve, every heartbeat, every breath exchanged. You try to carve moments in your mind, hoping they never fade.
You try and you try, like a drowning man fights to swim in those last moments.
The pain is imminent, you know it all too well. But you can do nothing, anymore, to avoid it.
“When you’re done, just let me lie, so I can ponder that tortuous bliss”
"We could do it, you know," you whisper into the night and you're not sure if she heard you until she asks, "Do what?", her fingers never abandoning the rhythm with which they draw patterns against your stomach.
"We could leave tomorrow, together." Your eyes focus on a spot on the ceiling and you smile. "You'd come with me to New York, you'd audition for a Broadway musical and you'd immediately get cast, and I would become - "
"An author," she supplies, and you grin stupidly as you look down at her.
"Yeah, an author. And you'd get your Tony, and you'd do movies, I'd do book signings...We'd become crazily succesful -"
"New York's very own power couple!"
"Yeah..."
Your voice trails off, and you tighten your arm around her.
This is the fantasy, you realize. You think about this so much, until it becomes the dream that haunts you when she leaves.
It kind of sucks that's all it'll ever be.
“When you’re done let me cry, for the touch I’ll miss”
It ends like everything between you ends.
A bit too fast, a bit too dramatically, burdened with tears, but thankfully, no car crashes this time around.
It ends the night before you have to leave Lima.
Rachel makes love to you again, and again, that afternoon, like it’s the first time. Like it’s the only time. Her tongue traces paths on your body that only she’s come to know. Your skin burns and aches, and her lips light fires that no one will ever be able to douse.
Rachel makes love to you desperately and hungrily; her hand resting on the small of your back, right on top of the tattoo that turned into a gardenia, when you found out the truth.
She holds you until you come, and then she cries with you, as she says goodbye.
She doesn't come to the station the next day, and you never see her again, but you never stop feeling her touch.
Etched on your skin, right on top of that tattoo.