Work Text:
**
If you’re not the one for me
Why do I hate the idea of being free?
And if I’m not the one for you
You’ve got to stop holding me the way you do
Oh honey, if I’m not the one for you
Why have we been what we have been through?
Astra grimaced as she watched Alex and Maggie banter at the pool table, each tossing playful insults and jabs back and forth, watching as Alex moved around the table with an almost-predatory grace and fluidly, Astra bit her lip, remembering how Alex’s lips pulled back into a sneer as Astra had roughly pinned her against a wall, a table, any convenient surface and had her way with the younger woman, relishing in her cries of delight as she dug her fingers into Astra’s bulletproof skin.
They could have something special, something wonderful, if Alex hadn’t stabbed her. But no, Astra had only herself to blame for that, Alex had tried to talk her down on the rooftop, tried to make her see reason, but she had so convinced that Myriad was the solution, the only solution, to Earth’s problems that she hadn’t been willing to listen. And what had her stubbornness gotten her? What had her blind devotion to Myriad earned her? A sword through the back and having to watch a woman she now knew she loved slip away
It's so cold out here
In your wilderness
I want you to be my keeper
But not if you’re so reckless
She loved Alex, she knew that now, had accepted it fully, embraced those feelings. But Alex didn’t return her affections, she didn’t even seem to acknowledge that they had something once. Oh, she was perfectly congenial to Astra, both in private and in public, she smiled freely at her, offered advice, told truly awful jokes (which Astra endured just to see that smile), trusted her expertise in combat, and had helped Astra reunite with Kara, a task that she had thought impossible, and all the while she seemed to be courting Maggie Sawyer, if the banter and posturing she saw night after night at the alien bar was any indication
If you’re going to let me down, let me down gently
Don’t pretend that you don’t want me
Our love ain’t water under the bridge
If you’re going to let me down, let me down gently
Don’t pretend that you don’t want me
Our love ain’t water under the bridge
Say that our love ain’t water under the bridge
Drumming her fingers on the bar restlessly, Astra finally had had enough and abruptly stood up and marched out into the alley, breathing in the cool night air, hoping that would clear her head. It didn’t. And Astra was left to vent her frustrations against the dumpster, kicking a sizable dent in its side. Sighing, she slumped against it and closed her eyes; memories of what they’d had flashing by her minds eye.
What are you waiting for?
You never seem to make it through the door
And who are you hiding from?
It ain’t no life to live like you’re on the run
Have I ever asked for much?
The only thing that I want is your love
She should’ve made her intentions know from the moment her funerary pod crashed down, from the moment Alex had embraced her in the DEO infirmary, sobbing apologies into her shoulder, but she hadn’t, she’d been too scared, terrified if she was being truly honest, terrified of being rejected, terrified of ripping Kara and her sister apart, of running yet another familiar bond, terrified of being imprisoned again, or worse, of Alex being imprisoned for quite literally ‘sleeping with the enemy’ (she finally understood that phrase, ironic)
“Astra?” she stiffened, feeling the power of that voice, the hold that Alexandra Danvers had on her, course through her body “you OK?” Alex asked as she tentatively approached
“Fine, why you do ask?” Astra kept her voice neutral
“I don’t know,” Alex shrugged “you’ve seemed, kinda…off lately, you know?”
“I have been ‘off’.” Astra agreed
“Anything I can do to help?” Alex offered
’Kiss me, please,’ Astra thought desperately ’hold me, touch me, let me know that what I feel isn’t unrequited’ but instead she said
“No, there’s nothing you can do, Alex”
Alex sighed as she leaned against the wall next to her
If you’re going to let me down, let me down gently
Don’t pretend that you don’t want me
Our love ain’t water under the bridge
If you’re going to let me down, let me down gently
Don’t pretend that you don’t want me
Our love ain’t water under the bridge
“It was in an alley like this wasn’t it?” she wondered out loud “the first time we…” she blushed and trailed off
“The first time we ‘what’, Alex?” Astra challenged ’acknowledge it,’ she silently urged ’accept it’
“The first time we,” Alex grimaced “fucked, I guess”
“I’m surprised you even remember that,” Astra scoffed “seeing as how you seem bent on ignoring everything that transpired between us prior to your stabbing me”
“And just what is that supposed to mean?” Alex demanded, indigently
“You know exactly what it means,” Astra hissed “did what transpire between us mean so little to you? Do I? Was I merely a distraction to pass the time?”
“How dare you!” Alex hissed “you seriously have the gall to ask me that? After what you did?”
“What I did?! Tell me, what, exactly, did I do?”
“Well, decide to use me as your own personal fuck-toy for one!”
“I don’t ‘fuck’ anyone, Alex, and certainly not enemy soldiers”
“So what the hell do you call what we were doing?”
“Passion,” Astra answered, she lowered her head, looking away “…seeking forgiveness,” she whispered “seeking to forget,” she chuckled “you made me forget, did you know that? Whenever I was with you, I forgot everything, Fort Rozz, Krypton, my sister, all of it was just…washed away. And in its place, was this wonderful, wonderful feeling of…peace,” she chuckled “I never knew such peace before, such ease of mind, its not in my nature. Even now, right now, I still forget”
A long moment of silence passed between them
Say Our love ain’t water under the bridge
“…you made me forget too,” Alex finally whispered “when I was with you, I forgot about the responsibility I feel to protect Kara, about the DEO, all of it, I felt so…” she trailed off, frowning
“…light” Astra supplied
“Exactly”
“So…,” Astra began “if it meant so much to you as well, then why did you just...pretend it never happened?”
“Like you said, it’s not in my nature,” Alex shook her head “I don’t get the easy life, I don’t get to be happy, not like that anyway”
“You certainly seem happy with Maggie” Astra noted
It's so cold out here
In your wilderness
I want you to be my keeper
But not if you’re so reckless
“Maggie?” Alex echoed “why…whoa, whoa, wait a minute, you think that Maggie and I are…?”
“Aren’t you?”
“No,” Alex shook her head softly “I mean, she’s cool and all, and I’ll admit that, in another life, if I hadn’t met you, she and I might have…but, no,” she shook her head “don’t you get it, Astra? I can’t…look at anyone else, man or woman, after you. You’re, its like you’re a virus, you’re in my head, I’ll find myself thinking about you at random moments, like…like there’s a part you in me”
“I…,” Astra took a breath “I find myself in similar situations,” she confessed “you’re in my dreams, in my memories, I no longer feel….”
“…complete”
“Exactly,” she nodded “complete, without you,” she took a shuddering breath “Alex, I think…I think I love you”
Silence reigned
If you’re going to let me down, let me down gently
Don’t pretend that you don’t want me
Our love ain’t water under the bridge
If you’re going to let me down, let me down gently
Don’t pretend that you don’t want me
Our love ain’t water under the bridge
“I think I love you too,” Alex finally whispered tearfully “but I don’t know what to do”
Slowly Astra turned to face her, gently reaching out with shaking hands to cup Alex’s face
“Kiss me,” she requested softly “please” nodding shakily, Alex leaned in and pressed her lips to Astra’s, pressing herself as close to the Kryptonain as she could, wrapping her arms around Astra’s waist and pulling her in
Say it ain’t so, say it ain’t so
Say it ain’t so, say it ain’t so
Say it ain’t so, say it ain’t so
Say it ain’t so, say it ain’t so
Say that our love ain’t water under the bridge
END