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You stared down at your boyfriend, curled up on the couch in the apartment you shared, where he was sleeping soundly. Jimin looked like an angel; his newly-dyed pale pink hair was mussed and one of his rosy cheeks was squashed against a throw pillow. His breathing was deep and slow, and his eyelashes fluttered.
He had been distant lately, coming home from work and classes looking exhausted but not talking much when you asked how his day had gone, then rolling around restlessly in bed for hours before finally falling asleep. You had brought it up once or twice, wondering if he was stressed from upcoming exams, but he brushed it off saying he was doing fine. You had started to worry that it was something you had done and he was just too afraid to talk to you about it.
Looking down at him, the pieces were starting to fit together. You had been dating for nearly a year and a half, but something had been different lately. How irritable he had been, especially that night the two of you couldn’t agree on a movie (he wanted to watch The Lion King, while you had seen it recently and wanted to watch a new release). He had whined about it for a few minutes before storming off to bed and refusing to come out even when you offered to compromise. How he recently got absolutely giddy, almost like a child, picking out bubble bath and colorful bath bombs. How he had hovered awkwardly around the stuffed animals when the two of you passed them in the store last week, before scrambling to catch up to you. How he always absolutely melted when you called him “baby boy.”
He let out a soft “Nnn,” around the thumb that was lodged between his pretty pink lips.
“Oh Jiminie,” you sighed and crouched down to run your fingers through his hair. He squirmed a bit in his sleep and started sucking on his thumb, pressing his balled-up fist closer to his face.
“Sweetheart,” you called softly, “wake up, I’m home.”
It took him a few moments of blinking and scrunching his button nose before his bleary eyes finally focused on your face. He automatically kept sucking his thumb for a moment before going completely still. You smiled at him, but his deep brown eyes widened and he gasped. Immediately his eyes glazed over and before you could say anything, he had popped his thumb out of his mouth and covered his face with his hands as he started to sob.
“Jimin baby, don’t cry.” You nudged him to sit up and make room for you on the couch, then tugged him into your lap and tucked his head under your chin. You smoothed your hand through his fluffy hair and down his back but he continued to cry big heart-wrenching sobs against your neck. “Shh, it’s okay sweetheart. It’s okay,” you soothed as you rocked back and forth while he clung to your shirt. “I’ve got you baby boy, and everything’s okay, I promise.”
He started to calm down after a few minutes of gentle rocking and sniffled into your shoulder. Once he had quieted, you brushed the hair from his forehead and planted a kiss there, then wiped the tears from his flushed cheeks and pressed another kiss to each side. He finally looked up at you with watery eyes and the look on his face broke your heart.
“Will you talk to me, Sweetie?” you asked and his lip trembled.
He fixed his eyes on his hand that still grasped your shirt, picking at the fabric between his fingers, and chewed his bottom lip for several long moments before he said, “Sometimes… I feel… I f-feel…” He ducked his head in shame and let out a shuddering breath.
“Hey you.” You lifted his face with a gentle finger under his chin and stroked his cheek. “Sometimes do you feel… little?”
He burst into tears again and hid his face in your shoulder.
“Jimin, it’s okay, you can tell me. Do you feel little sometimes?” He nodded and squeezed you tighter. You kissed the top of his head and asked, “Do you feel little right now?”
He absolutely wailed, big broken sobs, and choked out “Uh-huh.”
“Oh sweetheart, shh. I love you. Everything’s okay, I promise.” You held him tight, so tight against your chest and buried your nose in his hair, breathing in the warm sleepy honey scent of his shampoo. “You’re my sweet baby boy and I love you, okay?”
Once he cried himself out again, you urged, “Look at me baby. Can you look at Noona?”
When he glanced up from under his damp bangs, his eyes were puffy and his tearstained cheeks were bright red. His wet eyelashes were stuck together in little bunches and it made your chest ache.
“Let’s talk more tomorrow, okay? Do you want to go to bed and snuggle?” you asked tentatively. He nodded and rubbed his runny nose with his fist. You shifted him off your lap, then stood and took his hands, leading him to your shared bedroom.
He was already wearing sweatpants and a shirt with sleeves that were adorably too long, so you changed quickly and hopped into bed. He eagerly followed you and cuddled up against your side. You wrapped your arms around him and sighed into his hair.
“I love you baby,” you whispered. “Do you believe Noona?” He looked up at you with a small smile and nodded. “Do you know how much I love you?” you asked playfully and his smile grew. “Thiiiiiis much!” You squeezed him and planted kisses all over his face, and his adorable giggle melted your heart.
After long minutes of rubbing his back and stroking his hair he was still shifting around restlessly, unable to fall asleep. You took his hand and curled his fingers into a fist with his thumb up, then guided it to his mouth. He looked at you in surprise for a moment before taking the digit between his lips and sucking happily. He nuzzled into your chest and sighed. You couldn’t help but press kiss after kiss against his forehead, absolutely overflowing with love. Eventually the soft sounds of his mouth quieted and you dozed off to the sound of his deep breaths in your ear.
***
You woke to the chirping of birds through the open window and sheets rustling quietly. The sleepy warm scent of Jimin, like vanilla and honey, surrounded you like a blanket, and the fabric of his shirt was soft against your cheek. You blinked your eyes open to find that he was already awake, scrolling on his phone, his screen bright flashes of pastel pink and yellow. You rubbed your nose against his shoulder and he let out a startled “oh!” and clutched his phone to his chest.
“Morning Noona,” he murmured. His eyes were puffy and his hair was a mess, but he looked so beautiful.
“Hi Baby, how do you feel this morning?” you asked, and wrapped your arms around his chest.
He hesitated, biting his lip, before saying, “I’m okay.”
“Do you feel… big?” you pressed.
“Yeah.”
“Should we talk about last night?”
“… Okay.”
You sat up against the headboard and watched him play with the sleeves of his shirt until he looked up from under his bangs and said shyly, “What would you… like to know?”
There were so many questions jumbled up in your head, but the most persistent was, “How long have you felt like this?” He ducked his head in what looked like shame, and you frowned. “Sweetpea, it’s okay. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. I just want to help you feel better.” You grasped the tips of his fingers poking out of his sleeve. “You haven’t been feeling so good lately, have you?” He grasped your hand back and squeezed. He shook his head.
“I’ve always liked stuff that was… too young for me, I guess,” he said. “Maybe a year ago some blogs I follow online posted some stuff, like pacis, er pacifiers and stuffed animals… using the words B-Baby Boy,” You smiled. “And, and I was curious so I looked for more. For a long time I just looked, but sometimes when you were out I started to pretend I was little, like watching cartoons and s- uh, sucking on my thumb. I just like cute things and soft things, an-and I really like it when you call me baby.”
You smoothed his hair and murmured, “Baby boy.” He blushed. “How often do you feel little?”
“Um, maybe a few times a week I start to, b-but I try to stop it unless I’m alone. I just… it feels nice. Like I don’t have to worry about grown up things, and the stress goes away for a little while. I really wanted to— to tell you but,” he rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve and squeezed your hand harder, “but I didn’t want you to leave me. I love you and you make me feel… with you I feel… safe. I love how you take care of me.” He let his head fall to your shoulder, and you pulled him closer, but then he popped back up like he forgot something. “And it’s— it’s not sexual, for me. Like I don’t feel little when we’re having sex, but I still want to! Have sex, I mean.” You giggled at the blush on his cheeks that was getting darker every second. “It’s just… separate,” he finished thoughtfully.
“Does it bother you when I call you my baby boy when we’re having sex?” you asked. His entire face was bright red now.
“N-no, it’s different,” he stuttered. “I don’t know how to explain it, but it feels different. I like it all the time, whether I feel big or little. Because that’s just me. I’m your baby even when I’m big.” He looked away shyly and your stomach fluttered.
You thought for a moment, before deciding, to hell with it. “Is there anything else you want to call me?” He blinked up at you. “Anything other than Noona?”
“N-no, no!” he waved his hands around and you bit your lip to hide your smile. “No, I like calling you Noona.” He hid his face in his hands.
“Are you sure?” you giggled.
“Yes, I’m very sure,” he mumbled.
“Okay baby.” You pulled him back against your side and he melted. “Do you want to show me the kind of stuff you like?”
He nodded bashfully and took out his phone. “I like looking at blogs, like made by other l-littles,” he said.
“Do you have a blog?” you asked.
“Yeah,” he picked at the edge of his phone case. “I could… show you?” He looked unsure.
“I would love that.” You settled back down against the pillows and pulled Jimin down next to you. He cuddled up to your side and rested his head on your shoulder. Together you scrolled through pages of pink and purple, soft pastels and bright colorful toys. Carebears and pacifiers and stickers that gave you a wave of pleasant nostalgia. Gifs of Disney characters and sparkly pixelated art, sweet messages like “You’re the cutest baby” and “You can do it! I believe in you!” Jimin pointed at things he liked the most, like a pair of overalls with a tiger embroidered on the front pocket, a yellow playroom with animals painted on the walls and a soft playmat on the floor covered with blocks.
It made your heart feel warm to see him relaxing and opening up to you, giggling and giving you that sweet smile that you adored. This whole thing was new and a little scary, but all you wanted was to make Jimin feel safe and loved and happy.
***
“Would you like to see what Noona got you?” You set the box full of presents on the couch next to Jimin, where he was watching an animated show on TV, kicking his feet in his mismatched socks. Each gift was wrapped in paper covered with cartoon animal faces in pastel colors. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open as he excitedly bounced in place. “Go ahead Sweetie, you can open them,” you urged.
It had been almost a month since The Talk, and Jimin had become more and more comfortable with being little around you. The first week was a little rough, he was so shy and embarrassed, but you did everything you could to show him you adored every part of him, and that there was nothing to be afraid of. Being allowed to act little and be taken care of at home was clearly having a positive effect on how he was doing in school and at work. To your immense relief, he was even sleeping better at night, which you knew was in part thanks to baths right before bed, when you lovingly washed his hair and cooed over how precious he was, adoring the way he blushed and giggled under your attention.
You had ordered a few things online that you thought he would like, and had waited patiently for it all to arrive so you could gift it all to him at once as a surprise.
Jimin grabbed the biggest package first and tore into the wrapping paper. He pulled out a fluffy gray-blue onesie, with a kangaroo pocket on the front and bear ears on the hood. The slippered feet had non-slip pads in the shape of paws and there was a little puffball tail on the seat. He grinned and nuzzled his face into the soft fabric.
“Go on, what’s the next one?” You grinned. He set the onesie aside and opened the next biggest one. Inside were two pairs of overalls—one light blue denim and one black. “I thought wearing them might help you feel little. Do you like them?”
“Uh-huh.” He nodded eagerly. You folded them up with the onesie and stacked them in a pile. Next, he unwrapped a big yellow bath towel with a hood that had eyes and a beak like a baby chick. He giggled as he put it on his head and it flopped over his eyes.
“Where did my Jiminie go?” you gasped. He playfully peeked out from under the hood and you booped his nose. You leaned forward and puckered your lips for a kiss and he pecked one on your mouth.
The next gift was a stuffed rabbit with big floppy ears and soft blue fur, which made him squeal in delight. He also unwrapped a set of brightly colored Duplo blocks and some dinosaur-themed coloring books and crayons.
Inside the next one was a clear sippy cup that had glitter and little shapes in the sides that swirled around when he tipped it this way and that. A bottle was in the next package, and the last one held a sparkly blue pacifier with “Little Prince” on the front.
“What do you think?” You ruffled his soft hair.
“Thank you, Noona, I love them!” he replied with a shy smile.
“Do you want to play with some toys for a little while?” you suggested. He immediately gravitated to the blocks, and you opened them for him so he could dump them out on the floor. He sat with his legs sprawled out, building lopsided colorful towers and humming to himself while you watched with a dopey grin, paying more attention to him than the TV in the background. He never talked much when he was in little space, but he loved to hum and sing little nonsensical songs as he played. After an hour or so you got up and stroked his hair.
“Should we go give you a bath, Sweetie?”
He hopped up with an excited “Yes!” and ran to the bathroom, his bare feet slapping on the floor. You chuckled and grabbed the hooded bath towel, following close behind him. “Wait a minute, Mister! Come back here and clean up your mess first.”
***
Bath time was clearly Jimin’s new favorite thing. He had chosen a bottle of strawberry bubbles to fill the tub with, and he was scooping up handfuls of foam to squish between his fingers as you scrubbed his hair with tear-free shampoo. You gently scratched his scalp, paying extra attention to the areas around his ears and the back of his neck. The bath water was a soft pink that perfectly matched his hair, his cheeks and his lips. He was busy making bubble mountains on his propped up knees, and you marveled at how a grown man could be so adorable. He hummed a little song, patting bubbles into his cheeks and you grinned, completely enchanted.
“You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, Jiminie.” You wiped the bubbles from one damp cheek and pressed a kiss there. “You smell like a strawberry cupcake.” You peppered his neck with kisses and he squirmed away, giggling and squealing, “Tickles!”
“Come here, cupcake, let me rinse your hair.” You pulled him closer, a bit of water sloshing over the tub’s edge, dampening the towel under your knees. He tipped his head back, eyes closed in complete trust as you poured water over his head with a plastic cup, careful to keep it away from his eyes, running your fingers through his hair until all the suds were gone.
Bath time could be your favorite thing too, you decided, as he leaned sleepily against your shoulder while you ran a washcloth over his cheeks, his forehead, his nose. He tucked his head under your chin and you couldn’t even be bothered with the way his hair was soaking your shirt, as you rubbed foamy circles into the pink skin of his shoulders and arms and back, flushed from the warm bathwater.
“My pink prince,” you murmured against his forehead, “you’re such a good boy for Noona, sitting still so I can wash you. What a good, smart baby.” His face blushed bright red and he hid his shy smile against your neck. “Look at these pretty pink cheeks to match your pretty hair.” He giggled into his hand, the sweetest sound you’d ever heard, and his eyes curved into happy little crescents. “You even look like a strawberry cupcake!” He tossed his head back and laughed like that was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, showing off his adorably crooked front tooth.
Once he was rinsed off, you draped the fluffy yellow towel around his bare shoulders, scrubbing the hood over his hair playfully, and helped him out of the tub and into the bedroom where he flopped onto the bed in a fuzzy yellow ball. His head was completely hidden under the hood and the embroidered eyes of the baby chick stared up at you. You wished your phone were nearby to snap a quick photo, but there would be other times for certain.
“Look what I have, sweetie.” You placed a bottle of mild baby lotion on the bed next to him, and he popped his head up to investigate. “We don’t want Baby’s skin to get dry and I thought the smell might remind you of being little.”
He rolled over on his back and held the bottle in both hands, examining it with wide eyes.
“Do you want Noona to put it on you?” you asked.
“Yes!” he chirped and pressed it into your hands, wiggling up on the bed so he could stretch out.
You took your time massaging the lotion into his legs and his feet, which made him giggle and curl his toes. You caught him by one ankle as he squirmed away, kissing each of his little pink toes, his knees, his soft belly. It wasn’t sexual, but it felt nice, his smooth warm skin under your hands and the overwhelming feeling of taking care of someone so precious to you. You traced constellations between the freckles on his skin and pressed kisses to each one, next to his belly button, on his collarbone, the side of his neck. By the time you worked your way up to his arms, his eyes were drooping. You smoothed lotion down the length of one arm, working it into his limp hand and between his fingers while he watched sleepily, sucking on the two middle fingers of his other hand. You held his fingertips to your lips, kissing each one lovingly before gathering him up into your arms.
You gently combed his hair while he dozed against your shoulder, then helped him into a pair of underwear and an old t-shirt, so the zipper of his onesie wouldn’t irritate his skin. Once he was bundled up into the fuzzy blue-gray fabric, you cooed at the sweet picture he made: his long eyelashes fluttering against his round cheeks, the slightly damp ends of his bangs escaping from the bear-eared hood, the tips of his little fingers poking out of the long sleeves, his slippered feet curled together and his knees brought up to his chest.
“I know you’re sleepy, but how do you feel about a bottle before bed?” you murmured against his forehead. That seemed to wake him up. He sat up straighter, blinking his eyes, still mouthing at his fingers. “Are you hungry, cupcake?”
“Ya,” he mumbled around the fingers in his mouth and nodded. The bear ears flapped on top of his head and you bit your lip to try to hide your dopey grin.
***
Jimin settled into your lap, his head cradled in the bend of your arm and his cheek pressed to your chest. He grasped the fabric of your shirt with one hand and opened his mouth eagerly for the bottle. He sucked away at the vanilla protein drink, blinking his deep brown eyes innocently up at you. You smiled, marveling at the amount of trust he must have in you to let you see this side of him. To your constant amazement, he slid comfortably into the role of spoiled little prince once he knew you would do anything to make him feel loved and happy. It made your chest ache to think of how long he probably wanted this but was too afraid to ask for it.
After about three fourths of the bottle was gone, he started slowing down, his eyelids fluttering sleepily. He pushed the rubber tip of the bottle out of his mouth and rubbed his cheek against your shirt with a little hiccup.
“Are you all done, sweetpea?” you asked and he nodded. “I’ll be right back,” you promised and laid him down on the couch to take care of the nearly empty bottle. When you came back, he was curled up on his side, sucking his thumb, exactly how you had found him a month ago. Your eyes unexpectedly glazed over and you brushed the dampness quickly away before he noticed.
“Let’s go to bed Jiminie.” You coaxed him up and took his hand. “I wish I could carry you but Noona isn’t big enough for that,” you teased as he rubbed his eyes with a pout on his pretty lips.
Once he was tucked in under the blankets with his stuffed bunny, you grabbed the freshly washed pacifier off the nightstand.
“Here sweetie, try not to suck on your thumb anymore, okay? We don’t want you getting sick from the germs on your hands, do we?”
He slowly shook his head, taking the pacifier into his mouth and sucking contentedly. You climbed into bed next to him and took a moment to just look. He was so beautiful, the prettiest thing you’d ever seen. His pink bangs were dry and fluffy now, and one teddy bear ear was sticking straight up on top of his head. The blue pacifier contrasted prettily against the natural rosy flush of his cheeks. “Little Prince” indeed. His blue rabbit was tucked under his chin. He looked every bit like a bundle of cotton candy.
“I love you, baby boy,” you whispered against his warm cheek, nuzzling your nose against his ear. He tipped his head up, eyes still closed, asking for a kiss. You pressed your lips against the pacifier, feeling like your heart was about to burst.
He dozed off immediately, but you lay awake for a long time, just watching him sleep. His mouth had gone slack, the pacifier drooping a little. You pressed it gently against his full lips and he unconsciously sucked it back in, while you smiled at the adorable gesture.
“Wuv you Noona,” he mumbled softly, then slipped back into slumber, your heart in his little hands.