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Almost all was right in Pellew’s world. Napolean’s brother was out of their hair, the American girl was on her way home, Doughty was safe, and Hornblower had distinguished himself, yet again, to Pellew’s great joy and the Admiralty’s respect. Well, to those who knew what was good for them, anyway. All he had left to do was deliver his news.
“Now, I’m sure you gentlemen have much to discuss” Mr. Etheridge said but Pellew did not hear him. He was still trying to work out his words and found the situation to be foreign. Usually words came to him easily. This time, he seemed to be caught up in his own melancholia.
At the sound of the door closing, he turned to find only Hornblower looking back at him.
“Hornblower?” asked Pellew, confused. Had he been asked something and missed it?
“Sir. Mr. Etheridge seemed to think we have something to discuss, Sir.”
Ah! Yes. Well, best to be out with it, then.
“I’m leaving. I’m hauling down my flag.” Hornblower’s face was one of astonishment.
“You’re retiring, Sir?” Pellew smiled.
“No, no, no, not retirement. Promotion!” Pellew could not help a small smile of pride at this accomplishment. Still…a word that should bring joy, in this case, also brought the tinge of the bittersweet.
”Yes, but it means leaving behind all the men who’ve served me so well.”
Pellew would no longer be at sea and, although he would still be able to follow their careers, he would not be as close to his men as he was while in command of a ship. Even the loneliness found within a captain’s position was worth being able to stand on the deck, hear the wind in the rigging, and feel energized by the bustle of the men. Plus, his men were loyal to him and he knew the transition would be difficult for them.
“That is good news, Sir, but I regret it all the same.” Hornblower’s sympathy broke him out of his reverie and he could be nothing but honest.
“Oh, I do regret it myself,” he said; momentarily forgetting himself before realizing that this moment was really supposed to be about Hornblower.
“Anyway, come on! Let’s be cheerful! Does this not mean anything to you?”
“No, Sir. Only what I’ve said. And that it has been an honor to serve with you.”
Loyal, as ever, Pellew though.
“Nothing else? Pellew prodded.
“No, sir.”
Well, no shame in being reminded.
“Do you not remember the last privilege granted a promoted commander-in-chief?
“No, sir…” then there it was. The dawn of realization.
“Oh, yes, it’s beginning to dawn on you. Good. I’m allowed three promotions: midshipman to lieutenant, lieutenant to commander, commander to post-captain.” Post-captain! Hornblower would understand the good news, now.
“My men have served me most notably, Sir. Might I suggest…”
I despair…I really do…
“No, no, Hornblower. No. No. I mean you, dammit. Yes, I’m promoting you. To post-captain.” At Hornblower’s bashful comprehension, Pellew carried on.
“Well, I had the good of the service in mind. You were the best choice I could make. I know it’s the damnedest time to be a captain in this sorry war, but, you see things, Sir, that other men do not. The one thing you do not question is the duty to your King. I hope that one day, Hornblower, you fight for more than England.”
“What is there more than England?”
Pellew felt another twinge but steeled it immediately by busying himself in pouring wine. How he wished Hornblower would allow full love and tenderness into his heart.
“I take it you will have Mr. Bush along with you as your first lieutenant?” he asked. One needed only to see the two standing together to see how much they adored one another. He was happy to see that Hornblower almost blushed. There was hope for him, yet.
“I find Mr. Bush to be the most capable of men, Sir. If he would do me the honor, I should be most fortunate.”
Indeed though Pellew.
“He would do very well to understand his own fortune in it, Mr. Hornblower,” he said, instead.
“You do me much honor, Sir,” Hornblower replied. In a softer tone, Pellew added,
“Take care of that one, Mr. Hornblower. He is a good man.” Then, raising his glass, “To England and a bright future!”
Later, after he related the whole of the conversation to Bush, his dear friend had smiled fondly and said in his soft voice,
“He really loves you.”
Horatio almost spit out his drink.
“What?” he asked, confused.
“He loves you, Horatio.” At Horatio’s gaping he added, “He cares for you and wants you to do well. Yes, he favorites you but who doesn’t?” This last was said with a small laugh. “Pellew, though…he has an admiration for you I have only ever seen in the eyes of a father. True delight and pride at your accomplishment. Do not tell me you have not seen him preening about you?”
Horatio though back to his conversation with Pellew. Thought about Pellew’s brusque manner and how it clashed with his praise-laden speech. His thoughts led him to the number of times Pellew had clearly passed on more experienced men to offer Horatio the command of vessel. The look on Pellew’s face when he recounted his actions aboard the Renown. From the beginning, Pellew had faith in him even when all others held nothing but doubt in their mind.
Suddenly, his words for Pellew seemed insufficient. His phrasing the lazy echo of what should be said rather than what he really felt in his heart. For he did feel for Pellew. Since he first laid eyes on his then new captain and the sturdy man had sparked a fire in his heart. A fire for England and service and wanting to do his best to make this man standing before him proud.
And wanting to do my best to make him proud…
Hornblower squared his jaw and turned to Bush,
“I love him, too.”
Bush gave a small smile and nodded his head.
The next morning found Hornblower on Pellew’s ship. He had not sent word of his visit which was unfortunate, as he would now have to wait for a opening in Pellew’s schedule. When it was finally his turn, Pellew was surprised but happy to see him.
“Ah, Mr. Hornblower! To what do I owe this pleasure?” Horatio found himself at a loss.
“You do not bring tragic news, I trust?” asked Pellew; his expression growing concerned.
“No…no, Sir. All is well. It’s just that…” again Horatio could not find the words.
“Well, out with it, man!”
“It’s just, Sir, about our conversation yesterday.”
“Oh, dear Lo-- you’re not thinking about turning down the promotion, are you?” Pellew was flabbergasted.
“No, no, Sir! Of course not!” Horatio was becoming embarrassed. Perhaps he should have left well enough alone?
“Sir, I wanted to thank you for the wonderful opportunity you have given me.”
“Yes…”
“And…for all of the opportunities you have given me, Sir.”
“Mr. Hornblower…” Pellew responded, drawing out Horatio’s name in a mix of exasperation and embarrassment. Hornblower found his voice.
“Sir, I just wanted to let you know that I consider you to be the reason I am the man I am today.” At this, Pellew stilled.
“When I first set foot on the Indefatigable, I was a disillusioned midshipman more likely to get into a duel than to be a leader of men. However, it was your leadership that guided me and your faith that fueled my confidence. And you have continued to guide me and show faith in me.” Pellew did not blink.
“You see, Sir, when I lead my men it is in your example. When I take action, it is with your advice running through my head. When I succeed, I am happy – not only for England but also because I know you will be pleased. I do fight for more than England, Sir. I fight for you.”
“As you were, Mr. Hornblower.” At these words, Horatio realized tears were running down his face. He wiped them away, embarrassed once again.
“Sir…I could not stand the thought of you never knowing the difference you have made in my life and what you mean to me because of it.”
Pellew looked down and placed his hand on Horatio’s shoulder. When he looked back up, he could see that Pellew’s eyes were shining. After clearing his throat, Pellew said,
“Thank you, Mr. Hornblower. Thank you.”