Archive of Our Own

When Baekhyun opens the newly painted door, a creak of the floorboard resounds through the room. His lips crook up a little when he smells fresh paint and wood. He had requested his room all white and he can see it now. The bed and a small nightstand at the corner are white – his mother’s favorite color. It has been his favorite too when she would always tell him to stay pure as white. Baekhyun does not bother trying to close the door shut, and so he uses his left foot while trying to balance himself as he holds a heavy box in his hand. A box of memories, he declared with a black marker on top.

Baekhyun heaves a sigh and lets out a groan while putting it down. Heavy, he whines, and he still has some in the car to unpack and arrange. It is only eleven in the morning and the cold creeps down his body –he never did like winter. Baekhyun grumbles inside his head as he caresses his arms to generate heat. He should’ve complained days ago, when the first snow appeared yesterday and it was only predictable how wild the weather may be afterwards.

On Christmas, he usually drowns himself in layers of sweaters or wraps his whole body smugly in blankets. But today, he is moving to his new house and he wants his bed now. The said bed looks so tempting that he has to hold himself not to flop down onto it and make a mess of his blankets. He has a lot to do, anyway. One of them is now just sitting on the tip of his toe.

Baekhyun moves the box with his legs, shuffling it deeper into the room. He sits himself on his old sofa that has been moved and misplaced in his room. His family had used as a place to build intimacy, whether it was watching their favorite movies on Friday nights or just simply talking to each other. This is the only thing he was given from them and Baekhyun is thankful for it. A living room cannot be handy without a sofa, and it helps a lot in planning for other furniture to put around the house. Thus, he has another thing to add onto his list - moving this sofa back to the front room, nice.

After taking his place on the edge of one side and pulling the box close to his legs, Baekhyun starts working on the tape. He never rushes while opening boxes, like gifts. He likes the moment where there’s a feeling of excitement, but hoping that the colored paper will stay intact, and so he takes his time.

The first face that comes to view is a young boy smiling brightly for the camera. His eyes are crinkling and one hand is making a “v” sign just below his cheekbone. Baekhyun takes the frame and a smile adorns his face instantly. Park Chanyeol was almost twelve in the photo, but now he is a grownup – a twenty-seven-year old young man. They have their own story together, but never in those years has what Baekhyun has towards the said man changed. The feelings have grown to something exquisite instead.

The second picture brings another memory. It is a picture of them after a family outing thirteen years ago during summer. They had just played around the beach and took a nap under the nearest tree they had found before, heads leaning on each other. It was all serene before a voice shook them up with her loud “Cheese!” and a blitz. Their surprised faces were framed due to a pout on Yoora’s face. She said they looked cute there and framed it herself even though she never got a nod from her two babies (she always claimed Baekhyun her baby brother as well). Baekhyun had never admitted it but they look cute indeed. The smile on his face widens when he thinks it is simply because they always look good together.

Speaking of Park Chanyeol, the man never fails to bring happiness upon himself, and neither does the smile on Baekhyun’s face falter.

Not until he takes the next frame, where he sees a photo of them after they decided to break it off and become exes.

He himself is not smiling in the picture, bringing him down in a beat. Baekhyun always remembers those years when they had been together, admiring and loving each other while whispering endless vows and keeping each other close. But there were also times when they had their downs; hence, reminiscing them is never a good thing for him. Baekhyun has always loved Chanyeol, but Chanyeol did not. He has his own reason but Baekhyun needed time to understand. He needed time to make him come back.

Baekhyun closes his eyes when the same face greets him and has him remembering.

.

.

.

“Honey, greet your new friend here!”

Baekhyun jolted off his bed, suddenly awakened from his sleepless dream by the chirp of his mother. He had promised her to clean his room up and have breakfast but he fell back asleep after making his bed. Yesterday’s school was tiring and he had to stay awake longer than he usually did; blame his math teacher that always gave the students two-page assignments after class. The little guy rubbed his sleep away while yawning cutely, scrambling off his bed with a small jut of his lips. It was Saturday, and it was still quarter to ten, which meant that he could go back to sleep and have his brunch later. Well, he had finished all his homework for Monday (he always exhausted himself the day before since he never wanted his weekends filled with school work), so there was no need to wake up so early. And if he hadn’t misheard, his mom said something about a new friend. New friend? Baekhyun was the cutest and most lovable boy in the neighborhood so he befriended everyone without a miss.

“Baekhyunnie! Come downstairs and meet Chanyeol, honey!”

Baekhyun always wondered where his mother got all her energy from on a Saturday morning. Even her roar managed to seep into his closed room on the second floor. Baekhyun hummed as he grumbled over the ‘honey’ that had been given to him by his mother since he was a baby. And it still lasted until now, even when he turned thirteen just this month.

Shrugging away the needs to tidy his bed for the second time, Baekhyun scurried to his door before the next call aroused the grandma next door who was probably slumbering with her dozen cats.

Little Baekhyun turned his door open quietly, feeling a sudden rush of excitement when he heard his mother’s laughter and one unfamiliar voice having a seemingly fun chat. He was always thrilled meeting new people and this woman sounded nice. Since he was known as a charmer among mothers, Baekhyun always found himself drawing their attention easily with just one smile – sometimes, it had the women paying him more interest than watching after their own children. And even though he was only in his Pororo pajamas, bed-hair stuck out messily on his head, he was sure he could charm his supposedly new neighbor downstairs.

The Byun’s household was not big in size but the homey feeling was there once you got inside. Although Baekhyun was left by his father when he was not even five, his mother had her own ways to make this house alive and put smiles across her only son’s face. Sometimes, Baekhyun missed his father, but he knew his mother missed him more when she always tried to mask her sadness that happened to flash in her eyes, strangely when she assured everybody that she was fine. Since his father’s death due to lung cancer that had remained for a year, Baekhyun swore himself to be the best son his mother deserved. That’s why her laughter always brought happiness to him, and to the people surrounding her, he believed.

Baekhyun was about to step into the kitchen when he noticed a boy sitting on the sofa in his living room. There were jars of cookies and a plate of freshly made pancakes spread out on the table but the boy didn’t seem to want them. Baekhyun didn’t even see him move at all, only the slump of his shoulders and eyes staring at nothing in his hands.

Quiet murmurs of his mother and the other woman were still reverberating through the room as Baekhyun pulled himself closer to the other boy. He was more interested to know the latter that looked around his age and who seemed bored being here. With knitted eyebrows, Baekhyun eyed the boy carefully. Silky brown hair and prominent ears were the most attracting sides of him, Baekhyun noted. He also had a very good looking face even though he was still a little boy just like himself. If he were standing now, he would be taller than Baekhyun, judging from his long thin legs glued to the carpeted floor below. To top it off, he seemed like he knew fashion already as he was wearing a branded vest and a white shirt, complete with dark blue jeans that did not look cheap at all.

“Hi, you must be my new friend.” Baekhyun stopped squinting at the boy and decided to initiate a conversation instead.

But he didn’t get a response, and his smile wore off his face.

“Um, I’m sorry but I’m talking to you?”

His voice wavered at the end, folds forming on his forehead. He never expected this boy to be this rude when he was trying to be nice. Or is he mute? Maybe he didn’t hear him.

“Hey, nice to meet you, I’m—” Baekhyun held out his hand but halted in midair when the boy finally let out his breath.

“Hi, Baekhyun. Nice to meet you.”

The boy turned his head to shake Baekhyun’s hand because that is what people did when they become acquainted with others. He only stared boringly at Baekhyun’s awed face as he waited for the smaller to make another effort to get him to speak. On the other hand, Baekhyun lost himself when he finally met big brown eyes. He could see why this boy didn’t really enjoy his visit –the hint of loss was swimming in his eyes as his face looked depressed and joyless. Baekhyun never knew he could read someone just from their face, but he plainly disliked the look this boy had.

Baekhyun plopped down beside the boy that had yet to introduce himself. Ignoring the shocked expression the boy sported, Baekhyun leaned a bit towards the other.

“I know moving to another town is never a good thing, but don’t be sad. You’ll get new friends here. Let’s be friends!” Baekhyun cheered gleefully, smiling even wider as he saw a different glint in the other’s eyes.

“Umm...”

“What’s your name?”

The boy blinked, ears tinted red because the other over-excited boy looked so happy, almost bouncing on his feet. “Park Chanyeol.”

“Hi Chanyeol, I’m Baek- wait, you said my name! How do you know my name?”

“Well, your mother shouted your name a couple of times.”

“Okay, let’s just forget whatever you were thinking and eat this! My mom must have been really excited when making all of this. She always cooks with love.”

Baekhyun let out a giggle when he realized he just blabbered in front of his new friend. Oh yeah, his name is Chanyeol! It was sometimes hard to keep his mouth shut when he was excited. He made a new friend, and what’s more that Chanyeol was munching on a cookie. Maybe Chanyeol was just a little bit shy, especially when he just moved to an unfamiliar place. And it suddenly ticked in Baekhyun’s head. Yesterday, Baekhyun saw a van with men carrying boxes and furniture inside the once empty house. He didn’t think much about it as he just shrugged it off and got himself inside. If he had known that Chanyeol moved there, he would have invited himself in and took him on a stroll around their neighborhood.

“Is it good?” Baekhyun had assured Chanyeol to have a bite of a pancake. He only got a nod as a response, but Chanyeol looked like he really enjoyed it when he took another piece of it.

“My mother made—“

“I know she made it, you told me already.”

Although Chanyeol was talking to him, his shoulders remained slumped. Baekhyun had given his best smile but he only dragged out a twitch of the latter’s lips. As long as Chanyeol tasted his mom’s breakfast, and responded to him, then it was okay.

“Enjoy them all, Chanyeol. Wanna have some warm milk?”

Baekhyun might need to work hard to help Chanyeol smile more after this, but he was a boy with a strong will. Besides, he was the first friend of Chanyeol, everything would be easy.

Later that night, Baekhyun and his mother shared a piece of chocolate cake from their new neighbor. Mrs. Park was a petite woman who liked to smile and probably hugged anyone in sight. She heartily squealed when she took a good look at Baekhyun and hugged him immediately. Baekhyun bowed after the hug and she called him cute. He wanted to sulk but couldn’t help a smile when her mother explained further that he got that a lot. Before going back home, Mrs. Park gave him a pinch on the cheek while asking him to come over sometime. She told him to enjoy her little gift and ushered her son to come with her at last. Chanyeol didn’t greet him goodbye (only bowed to his mother and nodded a little at him), but he swore Chanyeol had a small smile on his face before turning around and walking off.

“Chanyeol didn’t like moving here. He left his friends in Seoul and now you should be his friend, yes, honey?”

Baekhyun whipped his head at the sudden topic of his new friend.

“Yes of course, Mom, we are friends already!”

His mother let out a laugh, “My boy is so excited, isn’t he?”

Baekhyun bobbed his head frantically, giving her a toothless smile. His mother needn’t ask him to, he had already volunteered himself as one, if not as the best friend.

Tomorrow, Baekhyun would pay him a visit and maybe beg Mr. Park to send Chanyeol to his school. He could not wait any longer.

+++

After constant visits and dragging Chanyeol here and there around the town, Baekhyun had finally made the boy happier. He smiled a lot, even laughed shamelessly –right eye twitching and hands hitting any surface he could find, sometimes his own thighs- when he found something very amusing. This sight always put a proud smile on Baekhyun’s face, since he always thought that he was the one who somehow ‘helped’ Chanyeol rise from the dumps within three months.

They went to the same school and Chanyeol was placed in Baekhyun’s class due to his plea of helping his new friend around to get use to the school. People believed them to be best friends since diaper days, assuming from the way they always kept close to one another and how one wouldn’t be seen without the other. They never really corrected anyone, when in fact they have only known each for a few months, but none of them really cared anyway. Well, because, they always went to school together and nothing would change when they met up to walk home.

Alongside their closeness, Baekhyun started to learn more about Chanyeol, little by little.

He found out he was older by six months when he came over to try their favorite video game in his neighbor’s house. Call them lame, but Super Mario Bros. was one of the reasons that brought them together.

In the middle of the game, the power suddenly turned off, making Chanyeol whine over his almost victory, but soon he landed on his bum when a high-pitched shriek was released from the boy next to him. Baekhyun heard the other laugh, almost ceaselessly while asking for his age. It wasn’t that he often slipped out a scream due to darkness, but he just did, and it made him sulk, moreover when Chanyeol laughed even harder when he spilled his own age. Chanyeol couldn’t believe that he was older by his looks, and Baekhyun had to keep insisting that he was.

Chanyeol once told him that he loved music even though he wanted to become a successful man without it, one who could play it but not use it as a living. When Baekhyun asked about his dream, he showed him his stack of sketches that he stored neatly on his shelves. He loved drawing people complete with the scenery, but was the best when it came to picturing rooms and buildings.

Chanyeol liked Black and Blue –most of the clothes in his closet were dark colors with some whites and reds. He always claimed himself manly but he had a collection of Rilakkuma dolls that formed a line on his bed. Baekhyun always teased him of this hobby, but he also found it cute.

Baekhyun, too, dug out extra information from Mrs. Park. She always complied with her stories of Park Yoora and Park Chanyeol in their childhood. Yoora was sixteen and schooled nearby her grandparents’ house, a small village in Gwangju. Once every fortnight, she would come back home, if not once per month due to her school activities. Baekhyun had yet to meet her, and Mrs. Park assured that he would meet her soon and see how close Chanyeol was with his sister. From her stories, Chanyeol was actually an affectionate person, and Baekhyun smiled softly at this.

She also showed Chanyeol’s child photos, making Baekhyun coo at his chubby arms and tummy and also his pointy ears that stuck out.

However, Baekhyun never once questioned about his depression that was there during the first days of Chanyeol moving in to the small neighborhood in Bucheon – Baekhyun’s hometown, and now theirs. Until Chanyeol had finally expressed his feelings days prior from moving out of his old house and town. The sadness, once more, was visible in his usual witty expression.

“His name is Kyungsoo,” He started, “He left me at the time Dad got fired. The pain was doubled, Baek.”

Baekhyun felt a pinch of hurt as he absorbed Chanyeol’s words. He knew the feeling of being left behind, worse when you knew that they would never come back. This Kyungsoo might have had his own reason for leaving, but when you grow attached to anyone, any reason would hurt.

“We were best friends since we were three. We went to the same primary, even middle school, until he suddenly moved out.”

The smaller boy stared deeply at his friend, encouraging him to carry on with his story. He took Chanyeol’s hand and intertwined their fingers. The taller’s hand went limp when he squeezed it in a soothing manner.

“Kyungsoo was- he was very nice and gentle. I didn’t hate him for leaving –I don’t, but he didn’t say anything on that day, and then the following days, he didn’t come back. I mean…” Baekhyun saw him inhale deeply, “I mean, he could have explained rather than texting me a goodbye the next day. I was waiting for him to go together but, well, I got a text instead. And even when I’ve moved here, he still hasn’t replied to my texts.”

Biting his lower lip, Baekhyun scooted closer towards him. “Hey, Chanyeol, if you don’t want to continue, it’s fine.”

“No, Baek, I want you to know. I didn’t mean to be rude on that day, but I was still hurt.”

Knowing what he meant, Baekhyun smiled, “You weren’t rude at all, Yeol. Don’t think about it too much, okay? I’m here to be the best friend you want me to be.” He lifted his lips higher until his famous eye-smile showed itself.

Chanyeol stilled at the sight but moved to engulf the smaller man in a hug. Baekhyun yelped in a shock when his whole body was brought into his friend’s arms. He didn’t expect a moment with the taller where others could see while they sat on the school bench in the yard. In a moment, it was only the warm breeze that cupped his ears when Chanyeol whispered a soft thank you. Ignoring the skip of his heartbeat, Baekhyun tightened his arms around Chanyeol and buried his face in the taller’s shoulder.

+++

Baekhyun never thought that he could grow closer and closer with Chanyeol to a point where Yoora stated the most ‘vivid’ after their fifth encounter.

“Hi, Baekhyunnie, looking for your boyfie?”

If Baekhyun hadn’t been clutching onto the box tightly, it would have fallen from his hands at the teasing tone of hers.

As usual, due to her mother’s eagerness to please her lovely neighbor and of course to cheer on the crimson burn on his cheeks, he was asked to deliver the handmade cheesecake with a playful wink. Baekhyun would never admit that the red flushing his cheeks was because of the mention of the handsome young man named Park Chanyeol, but his mother always insisted that it was by pointing it out and saying it’s okay, it’s love.

He whined after that, denying whatever his mother was trying to put into his head. But, his reddened cheeks and the way he covered them before snatching the box on the table said otherwise. And now, Baekhyun cursed inwardly for showing up his neighbor’s door in a poor state, face burning and heart skipping.

“Um, Noona, I don’t think that—“

“Don’t worry, Baek, the feelings are mutual. Trust me.” Yoora’s playful smile was splayed on her face at his obvious fluster.

Baekhyun could not believe what he just heard; he didn’t understand what that meant at first, but he lowered his head at the bluntness afterwards. He stared unbelievably at the girl smirking his way. The last time he met her, she was just a well-mannered lady, always talked politely and gave him very genuine smiles. He didn’t think that the same woman would be here with a teasing gesture regarding his relationship with her little brother, and he hadn’t noticed this before. Maybe Baekhyun had missed one or two.

“Is that for us? Ah, Mrs. Byun always knows what I’m craving for.” Yoora took the box out of his hands, the spread of her lips growing wider. “Thank you, Baekhyunnie honey.”

Baekhyun smiled awkwardly, ignoring the nickname that was supposedly used only by his mother. He stepped inside and shut the door after Yoora beckoned him to do so.

“Chanyeol! Baekhyunnie is here!”

Baekhyun wasn’t sure why but the thumping inside his tummy went faster when Yoora called her brother down, turning excited to see the said man in a few minutes. His heart never acted this way when he heard his name mentioned or whenever he talked casually with the other. But lately, it hadn’t cooperated really well with the owner because everything was suddenly reminding Baekhyun of him.

Baekhyun just denied himself, but he was just fourteen and a half years old – maybe he didn’t know the feeling named love. Maybe it was an admiration. Maybe.

Because the person who had seemingly invaded through his mind more often now was gleefully walking towards him with that kind of smile which was kind of distracting. Who would not admire this boy who had been emitting handsomeness since he was a kid?

“Baek! Have you finished our English homework?” Chanyeol sat himself next to his best friend’s petite form, shoulders touching.

The said boy froze, disliking the fact that they were too close. He was used to being this close and a little bit intimate with Chanyeol, but now there was something stirring inside him as he could sense the warmth of the taller boy.

“Yes, it’s for tomorrow, right? Have you?”

“Of course! I just want to make sure you’ve done it, and if you hadn’t, I could have helped you.”

Chanyeol being nice and attentive didn’t help at all. And Baekhyun swore his body had gone rigid simply because of the smile that meant to tease him but at the same time was soft, making him cower shyly.

“Are you here to study? It is a little bit early, though, but I don’t mind.”

This morning, Chanyeol texted him to have another study session for the final exam ahead at around four in the afternoon. Baekhyun said yes immediately but took time to reply when the next text questioned about his sleep. Chanyeol never asked that kind of question before, and Baekhyun was too overwhelmed to type fast and respond naturally. He ended up not replying and had a shower at seven thirty – a time too early for him to soak himself in cold water.

“I brought cheesecake, from Mom.”

“Oh? Did you help her?”

“No, why?”

“Hmm, is that so? I thought you were busy because you didn’t reply to my text.”

A soft gasp escaped Baekhyun’s mouth. He thought of saying sorry for not replying but he didn’t expect the taller to mention it, let alone sulk. He wanted to deny that he was too shy, that he buried his head deep into his pillow when the same voice disrupted his inner fight.

“So, why didn’t you reply? I was waiting.”

Baekhyun bit his lower lip, unconsciously bringing his hands up to his face. He couldn’t bear if Chanyeol saw his flushed cheeks that hadn’t really calmed down since Yoora teased him. But he had to say something convincing, at least half the truth, as he held himself not to run back to his house.

“I forgot to reply back. I had a shower after reading your text. Sorry, Yeol.” Baekhyun was sorry, really. He, too, silently gave him a sad expression for he had felt differently towards his own best friend.

Chanyeol beamed at this, “It’s okay, Baek!” but then his expression changed slightly. He seemed hesitant to speak but continued with a lower voice. “So, did you sleep well?”

“…I did. You?”

“Me too. And when I woke up, I suddenly missed you so I texted you right away.”

Baekhyun wished he misheard what Chanyeol just confessed, but his soft voice and eyes that stared at everywhere but him confirmed that none of this was a trick of his ears. This couldn’t keep going if he wanted Chanyeol to know nothing about his unusual feeling, but he couldn’t deny that he felt warm inside.

Silence enveloped them, making Baekhyun wake up from his reverie. It was his turn to speak, but he wasn’t sure what to say without making the situation more awkward than it already was. He let out a laugh, muttering a soft sorry as he looked at the latter who pouted down at him adorably.

“Oh, Yeol, sorry, but I know you always miss me.” Baekhyun wrapped his arm around the taller’s shoulders, pulling his face even closer to Chanyeol’s. His sudden move brought a very adorable smile out of the other boy. And Baekhyun went along when Chanyeol laughed, also throwing his hand around the other’s neck.

“Yes! And you too, Baekhyunnie!”

“Aww, did I just hear Baekhyunnie? What a cute nickname!”

A very familiar voice interrupted their heated laugh and caused the poor duo to untangle their bodies that were almost all over each other. The same voice attempted to whistle at the scene.

“I just left for ten –five minutes and you guys are—“

“Noona! How long have you been there?”

Noticing her brother’s red ears, Yoora’s sly smile widened, “Just now, Yeol. Im not bothering you guys, am I?”

“No! We were planning to eat the cheesecake Baek brought and study together after this! Don’t think of anything inappropriate!”

Baekhyun hadn’t said a word yet, now practically muted by Chanyeol who pulled his frozen state to the kitchen. He smiled apologetically towards the girl in the room but his mouth fell open when she looked straight at their interlacing fingers. The act made Baekhyun follow her line of sight and the red color came back creeping onto his cheeks. Yoora might have been right about their mutual feelings when he could see clearly that Chanyeol was also red judging from his ears. He himself was sure that if Chanyeol were to turn around, he would see Baekhyun sporting the same color on his face. The other could be wearing the same bashful expression; they weren’t sure, since they were avoiding each other’s eyes when they seated themselves in the kitchen, a piece of cake for each. Even more, they had yet to exchange words, eating cake silently. But glances were stolen with quick touches included. However, neither dared to cross the unspoken line between best friends, to claim the other as what people assume them to be – boyfriends.

It wasn’t the right time yet.

+++

The right time might be after middle school. And Baekhyun couldn’t deny it any more when he found his body responding to every word Chanyeol uttered, to every manner Chanyeol carried out, whether they were playful or tender. The pleasant throbbing when the taller was near or just simply on his mind seemed to reside permanently under his ribcage that Baekhyun had adapted to. He had never thought that they would reach this stage where they could comfortably lean on each other outdoors, legs and arms tangled when they had sleepovers, or when they threw smiles and stares over miles and crowds. Magically, they could even find each other in a blink of an eye when they were in crowded places.

Baekhyun never missed Chanyeol staring a bit longer and turning his head swiftly when he looked back. He always put more attention towards the smaller when he had to; when Baekhyun was sick and had to be on bed rest all week, Chanyeol came everyday bringing his favorite foods and made sure he finished all of them by feeding him. Always fulfilling his requests, Chanyeol was the first to help; from coming back to school just to fetch the smaller from his extracurricular activities on a rainy day to carrying him home after he accidentally sprained his ankle.

Despite it all, Baekhyun didn’t know what he was to the other. He might be the only one who was seen together with Chanyeol all the time, they even might have a bunch of people talking about how sweet they looked. Baekhyun might have a big chance, too. But what he saw everyday was Chanyeol treating everyone the same –his friends in the music club, all the members in the basketball team, and even the girls who claimed themselves as his loyal fans. They were special in his eyes, no exception.

Or that was just what Baekhyun thought.

Or denied.

Or assumed from the hints but he was a little too coward to admit it since he never touched that topic.

This year’s basketball tournament was held in their school. Students started loading the seats five minutes before the players got into the area. Among the crowds, Baekhyun was ready to cheer on his best friend and shout the name that had been craved on his heart for years. The final exam had just passed and Baekhyun couldn’t be happier than witnessing his own best friend competing in the Annual Student Competition.

Looking through the hall, Baekhyun tried to find some familiar faces. Since summer holiday was around the corner, many students decided to start ahead and skip the meeting. But not Baekhyun whose best friend had been carrying their school’s name on his back twice, he wanted to be the very person who looked on his progress in every match and tournament, even on his daily practices. And he didn’t mind, really, especially when he asked him to come personally this morning.

Baekhyunnie, don’t forget to come to the final at 3! No need to bring anything, key? Your presence alone would boost my spirit and make us win! Hehe~ Meet you later, Baek!

In his hands, a red flower was perched with a small note placed inside a patterned carton bag where another mini gift laid. Even though the text said not to bring anything to present, Baekhyun still woke up earlier and wrapped up a Minion mug before going to the flower shop blocks away. He had planned to have a bouquet instead of a single rose but called it off as the other was never really fond of flowers. He said he had an allergy towards flowers but wished he could stop sneezing around them because they were beautiful and he liked anything that was lovely in the eyes. In the end, Baekhyun decided one wouldn’t hurt and asked the owner to tie a blue ribbon around the middle.

When a start whistle resonated three times, Baekhyun straightened his back, unconsciously biting his lower lip in anticipation seeing his best friend coming in, looking dashing in basketball attire. Baekhyun momentarily lost himself but he needed to focus on preparing himself to flee to the one with number 61 and be the one to congratulate him first. Then he would bring him outside before the others could and have Chanyeol for himself, riding home on the same bus, celebrating his victory with laughs and sweet smiles. Baekhyun wouldn’t mind giving his shoulder for Chanyeol to put his head on for comfort, serenading his tired expression, dozing off with his mouth opened wide. Even if the other wanted a merry hug in a state of exhaustion, gasping for breath, he would comply without any second thought.

And Baekhyun swore he would do anything for him.

Because he was tired of denying his feelings; he wanted to treasure them instead. He hadn’t known yet about his feeling, what was on his mind, who made his heart flutter and blissful at the same time. But he could wish he was the one, the only name that held his whole heart and caused his rapid heartbeat.

He hoped.

Now the players from both teams were making their way to the side of the court, boisterous screams erupting from all around the hall. Baekhyun swayed his body excitedly, following the figure far down among the tall guys in red uniform. When their eyes met, Baekhyun couldn’t help but turn red instantly. Even in this distance, Baekhyun could see Chanyeol’s eyes had turned here and there, sweeping the bleachers to find someone. And that someone turned out to be him – Baekhyun.

When the taller smiled up at him, he savored those butterflies that were rejoicing about his skipping heart, dancing around his tummy. Smiling back, Baekhyun clutched the presents tighter.

He was in love.

After the announcement, Baekhyun wasn’t fast enough to join the celebration and be the first to congratulate his team. He had to squeeze himself in through the sea of people going the same way. Holding the presents in his embrace, he hadn’t realize that someone had made his way out of the people crowding the hall and now was waiting for him at the end of the stairs.

When Baekhyun reached the ground, a hand extended out asking for his hand. Baekhyun’s eyes trailed up until he found himself staring into those warm, brown orbs. For a moment, he could see nothing but the man in front of him. He was surely sweating hard and still trying to steady his breath after running across the hall, but he was still the most stunning man he had ever known. And he was the same man who managed to steal Baekhyun’s breath from just standing there alone, looking at him as if he mattered the most in the world, chuckling softly while taking his hand.

“I wish I could hold both of your hands but,” Chanyeol glanced at the bag peeking out of Baekhyun’s long coat, “One is enough to warm my heart.”

Baekhyun exhaled a shaky breath, feeling tears slowly pooling in his eyes. He didn’t know why he felt like crying, but what he knew was that it was an overwhelming feeling of being wanted too. The other never once pried what they were in the past few months, but his words couldn’t conceal his unsaid feelings.

“Congratulations, Yeol…”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything back, only staring at him with fondness visible in both in his smile and those beautiful eyes. Baekhyun couldn’t even blink, feeling himself sink deeper and deeper into those eyes. He didn’t complain, though, but he had to keep those tears back. Today, Chanyeol’s team had won and he deserved to be welcomed with happy smiles, not tears. However, the taller man wasn’t bothered and pulled Baekhyun closer, swiped his cheek to prevent a single tear from trailing further down his cheek. Baekhyun looked down at the ground but a hand cradling his face had him drowning in the other’s eyes, as was Chanyeol in Baekhyun’s.

“Why are you crying?”

“N-no, I’m just happy… to see you. You’ve worked hard, Yeol. And now everything has paid off.”

The other chuckled, “I smell and I’m sweaty. But can I hug you?”

Baekhyun didn’t need to be told twice and threw his body onto Chanyeol and clung onto him. The smaller boy giggles, willing another happy tears away when two strong hands circled his waist.

He was definitely in love.

+++

The first thing Baekhyun noticed when he stepped into Chanyeol’s class was someone sitting on his desk, not Chanyeol himself. That guy hummed the latest song that he could tell the singer but not the title as he focused on his smart phone, scrolling down and up whatever on his screen was. Baekhyun slowed his pace, looking for a certain guy that was supposed to be in his class after the final bell had rung. Since they were not in the same class from the second year, they alternately came after the other and went home together as usual. Sometimes, they waited for each other –mostly Baekhyun had to wait for Chanyeol because he had basketball practice. The latter didn’t mind finishing up earlier for Baekhyun, said that the others would be fine without him.

Today, neither had anything to do after school, so Baekhyun decided to fetch Chanyeol from his class instead. It wasn’t such a rare sight, though, when the others had grown used to seeing two practically joined at the hip. Seeing his bag draped over his usual chair, Baekhyun glanced over at the guy sitting at his table. Even though he didn’t know this guy well, Chanyeol sometimes talked about his loud but nice seatmate, who the class bragged about since one of the girls had been admiring him since the annual boards last year.

Kim Jongdae.

“Jongdae-ssi?” Baekhyun stepped closer to the said male, ignoring the knowing stares from the other four students in the class. He hesitated for a moment as the other was still bobbing his head up and down to the music through his headphones. But before Baekhyun could make a gesture at him to let him know about his presence, the guy had already lifted up his head. A very kind smile followed.

“Oh, Baekhyun! Do you mind waiting?” With a chirpy voice, Jongdae asked, pulling off his headset and hopping down from the table. He struggled a bit when he was trying to slip both his phone and the white cable into his right pocket. “Chanyeol said he needed to go somewhere first.”

Baekhyun flashed a smile, “It’s okay. I will wait then.” He took a seat after Jongdae turned to his own chair.

“You should’ve texted your boyfriend before.”

Baekhyun wasn’t prepared to make an intimate conversation with this guy just yet, let alone be assumed as someone’s –Chanyeol’s– boyfriend.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Jongdae.” He clarified with a hesitant nod, “We are best friends since middle school. I suppose Chanyeol already told you about us?”

“I thought you were boyfriends since the hug after the final? We all thought so.”

If the others who had witnessed the hug hadn’t forgotten about the incident yet, neither had he. It was still clear in his mind, sometimes just appearing at the most inconvenient times, where he would be lost in his reverie. It was not that he couldn’t forget, but Chanyeol had been treating him more gently, staring at him more often after the incident. Besides, that hug had been a hot topic around campus for the next few days. Baekhyun thought Chanyeol would feel uneasy being involved in the commotion, the two being the main characters, but instead the taller smiled gracefully as though he was thankful. Chanyeol grew bolder, too, holding hands and hugging Baekhyun in public. He wouldn’t be surprised if the others have their own assumptions, since they had also seen this coming. But Baekhyun still stared at Jongdae, impassive almost, as he silently asked for a confirmation.

“You might’ve heard wrong? But we are definitely not.” I want to be, but I’m not sure about Chanyeol.

“Well, he told me he’s going to confess to the person he likes. And I’m sure it’s you? Isn’t it?”

Baekhyun swore he heard a loud crack inside, the words painfully banging against his head. He hoped it was because Chanyeol told his seatmate instead of telling him first, but he knew it was not that simple. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like waiting any more. He was planning to ask Chanyeol what he would like as his birthday gift tomorrow and take him somewhere after school, but his high spirits had been taken out of him because of a few words. Regret filled his sense right away. I should have just waited outside.

“Hm, Jongdae? I just remembered that I have deadline this afternoon, so I’ll be going.”

“But Chanyeol would like you to wait!”

“I’ll text him. Don’t worry.”

Standing up, Baekhyun gave a quick nod to the other. He didn’t mean to just ditch Jongdae after his nice attempt to keep him company. But something started to twist painfully inside him, and the pinch wouldn’t go away. Excusing himself out, Baekhyun missed the quite giggle Jongdae let out.

Baekhyun didn’t bother to text his best friend after school, in fact, he didn’t message him at all for a whole day. He was sure enough that Chanyeol had tried contacting him, but his name wasn’t amongst the notification once he got home, not even a text asking him where he was. Until night, his phone was kept untouched on top of the pile of clothes inside his closet.

Looking at the clock across the room, Baekhyun whined into his pillow, voice muffled by the blanket that was wrapped around him messily due to restlessness. Since nine thirty, which was nowhere near the time he usually went to sleep, he had forced himself to read a very thick novel that he had no intention of finishing once he had picked it up the first time. He just wanted a distraction, anything, so he wouldn’t have to think about a certain giant, who had just ripped his heart out this afternoon. It was almost tomorrow, and Baekhyun had made up his mind that this year would be his worst birthday. Usually, Chanyeol was the first one to greet him birthday at 12 sharp, but he wouldn’t be too excited for today.

When he was trying his hardest to sleep and put every thought aside, a creaking sound was heard somewhere. Baekhyun pulled down his blanket, eyes staring at nothing but his ceiling. He was not the type to imagine-hearing things at night, but the sound would definitely keep him awake if he didn’t find the source. The next noise was rustling outside his window and he shrugged it off since the high tree next to his room sometimes made a sound if the wind was blowing too hard. Baekhyun was about to turn his body to lie down on his side when three rapid knocks halted his movement, making him turn his head to his window. A figure was standing on his balcony, struggling to peek over the parted curtain and into the room.

Of course, it was Park Chanyeol, wiggling his hand like an idiot when he managed to get his full attention.

Did he just climb up to my room? Worry washed over Baekhyun’s body that he nearly tripped over his own blanket while trying to stand up, in a rush. His room was on the second floor and he wouldn’t dare to risk his life climbing up the tree that looked slippery without the big branches to step onto. Also, it was dark outside and no idiot would sneak at this hour to bother his friend’s sleep.

“What are you doing here, Yeol?” Baekhyun asked the grinning male in front of him, holding onto the side of the door.

“Isn’t today your birthday?”

Chanyeol looked enthusiastic, and in a good shape. He had just come ‘uninvited’, climbing into someone’s house but he didn’t look flushed or the slight bit out of breath. Baekhyun would have laughed over his crumpled old sweater and his red dotted pajama pants if he hadn’t been reminded of today’s incident. The unwanted memory just crumbled down his worry and excitement and changed them into a deep frown on his face.

“But you can just text me.” Now Baekhyun didn’t even hide his scowling face. He knew he just sounded irritated, but he had the right to be. Besides, Chanyeol always texted or called him to wish him happy birthday.

“Well, I have something to tell you.” Chanyeol’s face didn’t change although Baekhyun knew he noticed his voice dripping with annoyance. If not, his smile stretched even wider. “Can I at least get inside first?” The taller bent his body forward, leaving an inch left between their faces.

Baekhyun huffed, closing the balcony door after the taller made his way inside. He paced lazily towards the switch over his bed, switched it on and blinked his eyes to adjust to the light. He was met with Chanyeol smiling softly at him. The taller boy was sitting on the edge of the bed, body slightly turned. Baekhyun was supposed to be sulking now but those eyes never failed to drown him, trapping him into his own fantasy. He definitely looked silly right now, standing on his bare feet, holding his breath. Because in fact, he wasn’t ready to hear what would come next, whether the taller was here to simply say his greeting or to break the news.

“Baek, sit with me?” Chanyeol suddenly said, patting the space next to him.

Baekhyun looked tense before walking towards the bed, sitting just a bit further from Chanyeol.

“Jongdae said you had something to do at home?”

Hearing Jongdae’s name, Baekhyun felt chocked up, words barely coming to his mind. So Chanyeol really wants to talk about it. “It’s none of your business.”

“I was worried, because you just left without waiting for me.”

Baekhyun lowered his head, linking his hands together. He could be sorry about that, pull a joke out if it and forget about Jongdae and his words. If he wanted to, he could even ask about it, make himself sure that the person Chanyeol liked was good enough for him. Still, he just couldn’t bring himself to get hurt, not by the one that he loved.

“Why didn’t you text me?”

“You didn’t either, Yeol.”

Silence enveloped them and Baekhyun could hear the tick of the clock, the pounding of his heart. He hated this when normally they were never this quiet together, never in this kind of awkward situation.

“Don’t you want to know who I like?”

“Why are you asking me questions? You’re supposed to only say happy birthday to me!”

It was never his intention to shout at his friend, to show him that he was mad. The problem was, it wasn’t his fault either that he felt resentful now. It was just him lashing out his inexplicable anger to the taller. Therefore, he expected a protest, any sound from Chanyeol indicating that he didn’t like his manner just now. But, that too, seemed like a delight to him as the curl of his lips grew.

“But I’ll ask more questions after this.” His voice did change, but never became worse. It was softer instead.

“Today is my birthday, not an interview.”

His voice was barely above a whisper, but it didn’t go unnoticed by the other. Chanyeol burst out into laughter. His body shook while trying to tone down his voice. Even though Baekhyun was still looking at his hands, his lips curved up a little.

“So this person,” Chanyeol started, “I’ve liked him since the third year in junior high? Yes, right.” He stopped for a while because Baekhyun finally showed his interest. “We’ve been best friends since middle school and he’s the cutest and loveliest person that I’ve ever met. He’s also beautiful. ” He laughed and once again stared deep into Baekhyun’s eyes. Everything was turning, making his head light in a good way. Chanyeol continued, “It’s been so long since I wanted to confess but, I was trying to find the right moment.”

Baekhyun blinked once, twice, waiting for the other to continue. But Chanyeol looked like he had something on his mind, waiting for Baekhyun to complete his sentence instead. He couldn’t –he would just make an incoherent noise if he spoke now- as he found himself pulled deeper and deeper by those eyes. Baekhyun hadn’t even realized that his hands were squeezed by the other’s bigger hands. He might only hope, but he saw love.

“Will you believe me if I say that the person is you?”

Another blink, another laugh. This time, Baekhyun was sure it was love. He lost words, but he squeezed back the hands caressing his.

“You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized, and I want you to know that… I love you, Baek.”

“Did you just quote that from a song?”

“Yes I did.” Everything Baekhyun said seemed so amusing for Chanyeol that he struggled not to laugh louder than this. “So, Baek, last question?”

Baekhyun finally broke out of his haziness and nodded.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

Baekhyun often dreamt about being asked that very question by the same person. Sometimes he would wake up in happy tears, sometimes they left him hanging as he himself couldn’t remember anything that had happened in those dreams. Once, after waking up in the middle of his confession, he grew determined to make a move first. Yet he shook his head not long after because he was afraid that the other would leave. This could be another dream that felt too real and he might not forget it after he woke up in the morning. But, as if Chanyeol could read through his head, he untangled one of his hands and tucked some strands of soft hair behind Baekhyun’s ear, bringing him back to his reality. Their reality.

“What took you so long to say that?” Baekhyun cried out like a small kid. He just embarrassed himself in front of the other but he couldn’t care enough.

“So, what’s your answer?”

“Of course yes! I like you too, Yeol!”

“So, you only like me?”

“Don’t make me say it.” Baekhyun sniffed, he hadn’t realized that he just shed a tear.

“I always make you cry, don’t I?” Chanyeol asked, wiping his wet cheek with a chuckle. He looked even more radiant, the smile never left his face.

“But they are happy tears.” Baekhyun assured him with a smile. What he felt was just happiness and contentment and love.

Eyeing the other, he could tell that Chanyeol was also trying to compose himself. He might look strong from the outside but their togetherness for years couldn’t fool him that Chanyeol was also insecure, that he felt the same. He didn’t say a word but his eyes urged Baekhyun to finally say the words that had always been on the tip of his tongue.

“I love you.”

And Baekhyun just won his heart, completely.

“Are we boyfriends now?”

Even after Baekhyun said his part, Chanyeol still asked with a hint of worry in his voice.

“Yes, boyfriend, I’m your boyfriend now.”

Baekhyun let out a quiet gasp as the taller brought him into his arms. Being enveloped in a hug never felt this good, and Baekhyun wouldn’t trade this moment for anything. When an hour ago he thought that this would be his worst birthday, it was actually the contrary. He never knew before why those butterflies always made his stomach churn, but now they were dancing inside even more, singing as he learned that it had been love. Because every time Chanyeol was near, those butterflies never stopped flying around his stomach. And those skips of his heartbeats - Chanyeol, his boyfriend, was the culprit.

When they eyes met once more, Baekhyun felt a hand holding his face. There was a thumb caressing on the smooth skin of his flushed cheek as those eyes stared right into his soul. Chanyeol’s touch lingered, bringing the hairs behind his neck as excited as his heart. And the taller didn’t stop there. Pulling their faces closer, Baekhyun saw him close his eyes. When his soft lips touched his forehead, Baekhyun closed his as well, leaning more onto his boyfriend. Those lips felt shy on his skin, but he felt like bursting out rainbows and colorful rains.

“Happy birthday, love.”

The next day, Baekhyun was surprised by some students who shook his hand, only to receive thousands of congratulations right after. He also couldn’t comprehend why everyone was staring at him as if he were being pranked alone. Well, this morning Chanyeol said he had to take his mother to the station so he told him to go ahead. He wanted to complain but the reason itself was enough to put a proud smile on his face. They ended the call after Chanyeol managed to slip a ‘baby’ and Baekhyun spent two minutes just listening to the broken tone from the other side.

What he didn’t expect when he reached his class was Jongdae standing there proudly behind the door. Baekhyun didn’t question him further as he was still ashamed for accusing the other, while the very person was the one who helped Chanyeol by giving him the biggest push to admit his feelings. Last night, completely forgetting the late hour, Chanyeol also told him that Jongdae deliberately made him upset to see his reaction. It was actually Chanyeol’s idea since he wanted to make it clear that Baekhyun himself also felt the same. Baekhyun initially wanted to thank Jongdae after, but not today. Not when his boyfriend was standing there with dozens of balloons and a very huge Rilakkuma doll in front of his class. Behind him, on the blackboard with his scruffy handwriting, there was “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BAEKHYUNNIE! ALWAYS BE HAPPY WITH ME!” written on it.

Baekhyun didn’t know that Chanyeol could be this corny but still looked as amazing. Even though they had to be ready for another talk, they were still the most in love.

+++

The news had spread around the school fast, of course. Who would miss the big story of a couple of ‘best friends’ that never looked like best friends at all? Not only had Chanyeol initiated his petite boyfriend’s birthday party in his class, but also their interactions during school time had made them the sweetest couple ever since. Baekhyun wasn’t used to all the attention and endless teasing at first, but he could never resist Chanyeol’s sweet talks whenever they were together, saying that they deserved all of it for being the whole school’s source of envy.

Years of being together and always learning new things about each other every day, Baekhyun was fully aware that Chanyeol never liked spouting sweet words. His tall boyfriend was always the type to show his emotions through actions, not words. Nowadays, however, Chanyeol enjoyed throwing flattery at him and making his tummy churn in a good way.

Chanyeol was use to sending him good morning and good night texts full of ‘baby’, greeting him before he opened his eyes or deep in slumber. Baekhyun didn’t like it at first when he called him baby without considering their surroundings, but Chanyeol made him nod with a very small, effortless reasoning that he wanted a special name just for him, “Because everyone calls you Baekhyunnie, and your mom calls you Honey, can this boyfriend of yours call you Baby?” and immediately showered him with little kisses on the cheeks when he shyly said yes.

For new couples, it was quite a handful to maintain the yearning of each other’s presence when they were in different classes and had to strive hard for university. Chanyeol, otherwise, made it easy by spending his leisure time with his boyfriend, never missed calling him whenever he remembered. They had the same dream, which was going to the same university, treasuring more years together, a new world to experience with the same determination. Chanyeol also reminded him of this importance, always determined to enroll to the best university in Seoul, and so did Baekhyun. They spent their time studying and cuddling, leaving nothing but blooming fondness day by day. And when the announcement day came, Baekhyun locked himself all day, blaming himself for not trying harder, for breaking his own promise to be with Chanyeol until college.

“Baby, open the door?”

Chanyeol had been standing there, calling his name endlessly until Baekhyun had lost count, making the smaller feel guilty. But he couldn’t just show his tear-stricken face to the taller who was supposed to celebrate his own success, not woo his childish boyfriend to stop sulking and to just get out of his room already. Baekhyun didn’t want to, he just failed in entering their dream university.

“Hey, Babe, it’s fine. We still can find some time to meet up, right?”

Baekhyun sniffed as guilt crept in hearing his boyfriend beg to his door. He didn’t cry, he just couldn’t hold back some tears of disappointment, but Chanyeol must have been certain that he was crying and Baekhyun needed him to put a smile back on his face. When he heard the second sigh of the other’s, he strode and pulled his door open. Seeing a surprise and relief on Chanyeol’s face, he threw his body at his boyfriend, earning a quiet gasp from him.

“There you are, finally decided to show up? Your boyfriend has been waiting for hours here!”

From his tone, Baekhyun knew he was wearing his teasing smile. And this brought a smile upon his face. He didn’t want to show it, though, hiding his face into Chanyeol’s shoulder, tightening his hold around the taller’s middle. No doubt, Chanyeol was surely his love, always knew what he needed and how to make him smile, feeling the immense happiness of being cared for and loved.

“So, you were just gonna let me talk to myself?”

“Nooo, but you just lied.”

“What?”

“It’s been only fifteen minutes, don’t exaggerate.”

He chuckled at this, and Baekhyun felt bliss in his arms but at the same time sheepish because he just made this kind soul worry. Pulling his face up, Chanyeol flashed his toothless smile.“But it felt like hours not seeing you?”

Baekhyun wished he could hide his face back in the comfort of his boyfriend’s shoulder when a feigned humph of his mother was heard. Baekhyun cursed internally at his mother, also blaming himself for making a scene just before his room. Even if Chanyeol was never once affected by his mother’s teasing, Baekhyun always was.

“Now my mother will tease me to death.”

“Let her be. She’s happy seeing her son happy. Or you’re not happy with me?”

“Of course I am, but… I failed us of our dream of going to the same university together.” Baekhyun was quick to reply but turned pouty soon when a realization hit him. For a moment before, he simply forgot their problem.

“It’s not the end of the world, baby, we have so much time to spend together.”

His mother, who was probably hiding to watch her son’s sappy romance with his favorite neighbor, might have just let out a whistle but Baekhyun didn’t care anymore. He was happy his mother was the very person who supported their love and had claimed herself to be their full-time admirer, and even happier with this man, his Chanyeol.

The two months before college started was only filled with making memories together. They played their favorite games, wandered around holding hands, and tried out some new restaurants in town. Since they hadn’t really had proper dates in high school, Baekhyun and Chanyeol used their time to enjoy them by staying close, sharing every moment and every talk.

As Baekhyun enrolled into English Studies, and Chanyeol continued his goal in Architecture, they managed to pursue their dream majors. Baekhyun was not happy at first, though, when he was supposed to go to SNU, where Chanyeol would study ahead. He sometimes still regretted his failure that restrained them being in the same university, somehow made him restless at night thinking of ill possibilities if they had to stay miles away and couldn’t find the right time to meet at all. Chanyeol, as usual, had predicted his worries and willed them away with his magic words and his “I love you” in the end. And suddenly Baekhyun was elated to face tomorrows with his boyfriend and his first love.

This morning, Baekhyun had planned to find a boarding house nearer to his campus since Chanyeol said nothing in the text. Usually, the other would text him, asking for his time when he had thought of some places or simply craved for meeting him. And today, he had no clue that Chanyeol would show up at his door wearing navy denim shirt –Baekhyun’s favorite was Chanyeol in denim- that complimented his pull-up hair and charming smile, and rushed him to get ready because they were going on another date.

Chanyeol took him to Namsan Tower, saying that he didn’t like being mainstreamed like other couples were but just wished their love to stay strong and locked safely inside his heart forever.

They spent the whole afternoon happily strolled around and laughed together, occasionally taking photos in some corners. When it was nearly dark and people started walking down and leaving, they finally hung their joined locks along with others.

“Now it’s safe.” Chanyeol started, reaching for his hand.

“What’s safe?”

“My heart.”

Staring deeply at the darkened sky, Baekhyun tightened the hold on his hand. If being suffocated felt this nice, he wouldn’t mind all the words coming from his boyfriend that certainly left him breathless. He should have been used to it all, but sometimes he couldn’t predict what was on his mind.

Especially, when Chanyeol suddenly spoke his heart out or asked some unpredictable questions.

“Can I kiss you now?”

Baekhyun was drowning, lost in the other’s eyes, and so he hadn’t noticed when his boyfriend stepped closer and cupped his face. He hadn’t even realized when Chanyeol diverted his attention and called him beautiful instead of the sky. All he knew was that he never knew how to escape from Chanyeol’s strong but soft gaze every time he voiced out his love. And when those lips touched his, he could hear those butterflies singing, tickling his inside, making his body tremble, knees growing wobbly and hands had desperately clutched on the taller’s shirt to support his weight. It was just a peck but he saw stars behind his eyes. Baekhyun had been holding his breath but he felt more than alive when he opened his eyes and what he saw was only Chanyeol’s content smile.

“Am I your first kiss, Baek?”

Chanyeol might never know whether his little boyfriend was still trying to get hold of himself due to his sudden kiss, but maybe he was just concerned about his own pleasure after spotting the red sparking across Baekhyun’s face. Chanyeol once told him, anyway, that blushing Baekhyun was the loveliest sight ever, and that he never could resist kissing his cheeks or forehead afterwards, but never on his lips. This was the first time, and Baekhyun needed more time to merely nod his head.

“…Yes. Am I too?”

The rich voice of Chanyeol’s laugh rang melodiously through his ears, and it made him warm inside. He didn’t say his answer but pulled his head under his, one hand snaking around his waist.

“It doesn’t matter, does it?”

“No, but I just want to know?”

His voice was muffled by the fabric on Chanyeol’s shoulder as he pouted, expecting the other’s answer that was somehow obvious. Hearing nothing, he lifted his head and received another kiss on his lips. The second kiss lasted longer and he could taste the softness that was Chanyeol’s lips as he put more pressure against his thinner ones. If the taller hadn’t had his arms around him, he must have been on the ground right now.

“I once kissed my best friend on the last day of fifth grade but it was when I was this tall,” Chanyeol put his hand spread down on his middle, “And I don’t even remember how it felt.”

“That Kyungsoo guy?”

Chanyeol gave him a funny look and broke out in laughter once again, “Are you jealous? I was just a little kid, baby.” He ruffled his hair and pulled him away just a little bit, rummaging through his denim pocket. “And we’re not here to talk about him, right? I want to give you this.” Swaying a single card in front of his face, Baekhyun was pushed to take it.

“Chanyeol, what is this?”

“My mom asked me to rent an apartment because it’s quite impossible to back between home and college every day. And this is the key to it. Will you move in with me?”

“Chanyeol…” This is too much, but I’m happy, “But we’re not going to the same university, how come?”

“It’s near yours, so don’t worry. I can drop you there first and go to mine and fetch you after. Say yes, baby?”Chanyeol didn’t need to beg and Baekhyun would comply right away.

“But is it far from SNU?” Baekhyun had to worry but the other seemed nonchalant about this whole deal.

“Have I told you that the most important thing is you?” Chanyeol put their foreheads together, staring at him like it was his favorite thing to do, “And I’ve asked your mom about it, she said yes, of course. And I’m taking driving lessons now.”

Baekhyun may or may not have expected himself to kiss his boyfriend square on the lips after that, a broken ‘yes’ filling their hearts along with thousands of stars blinking happily at them.

+++

“Chanyeol?”

Baekhyun carefully entered the usually bright apartment that had been their roof for almost a year now. After clicking in the password, he was greeted by complete darkness that was such a strange view, especially at this hour, when he returned home a little late because of a group project that had to be finished by the end of this week. Baekhyun had texted his boyfriend not to fetch him because he was going to be late and so he expected a warm smile greeting him behind the door, not eerie silence as if Chanyeol weren’t home yet. But when he opened the door and the light from the hall seeped in, he could see the other’s shoes on the chocolate mat –one of them shoved a little further. This was not really Chanyeol as he usually stacked his shoes before coming in.

“Baby?”

He called once more for his boyfriend, locking the door before bending down to put those shoes in the rack along with his. Their apartment was strangely quiet and Baekhyun could have sensed something alarming if everything hadn’t been on their places. Thankfully, as he turned on the lamp in the living room, he found nothing wrong but Chanyeol’s car key on top of the glass table. Baekhyun walked over the couch, one hand pulling off his backpack and shoving it down. He was about to call Chanyeol’s name once more but turned it down as he heard a shuffle from inside their bedroom, just behind his back.

Pushing the door open, Baekhyun caught Chanyeol’s slumped figure at the edge of the bed. He remembered he had witnessed this before, hands limp in his lap and empty eyes staring at the wall across the bed. He didn’t budge when Baekhyun turned the switch on after softly closing the door, but Baekhyun knew he had acknowledged his presence.

“Hey, rough day?” Baekhyun run his hands through the taller’s wavy hair, sighing in relief when those familiar arms eased their way around his waist while resting his head against his stomach. At least, this Chanyeol didn’t ignore him like he did years before when he was feeling down.

Chanyeol didn’t say anything but his sniff was enough to put a deep frown on Baekhyun’s face. Sometimes his tall boyfriend could be such a baby sulking over little things, like Baekhyun forgetting to buy him the pizza he had promised or when he unintentionally ignored his texts just because his phone had died. But Chanyeol never broke down like this, not in his embrace and heavily shaking, trying to muffle his cry.

“Chanyeol, what’s wrong?” Baekhyun’s voice was filled with worry, trying to pull off the other’s strong hold around his waist. He needed to know what had made his giant this depressed. He wanted to help.

“Dad…” Chanyeol let out a shaky breath before clearing his throat and pulling his head far enough so his voice could be heard, “Dad is sick and I- I don’t know what to feel but it hurts.”

Everybody knew Chanyeol was the closest with his father and always put him first in every list of his dream. Baekhyun, too, felt a little bit too attached to Mr. Park because he had been always kind to remind him that Chanyeol also needed support and he was more than glad to share his happiness of having Chanyeol with him. He also always reminded him of his ceased father, so Baekhyun respected him as his own. Hence, hearing that news, he felt fear as the same wave of dismay sank in. He refused to think about his father but his face slowly trickled around his head, then it was quickly replaced by Mr. Park’s.

“They said it was cancer and I’m afraid. I don’t want to lose him, Baek.”

“You’re not gonna lose him, Yeol. Everything’s gonna be alright because you’re not alone. I’m here, and we can go through this together. Don’t ever feel like you’re alone, Yeol. Share it with me?”

Finally being able to see Chanyeol’s face, he could tell that he looked messy with his red eyes, wet cheeks, and lips trembling slightly while inhaling deep breaths. Baekhyun didn’t think twice but caught those lips with his, putting both his hands on the other’s cheeks lovingly. He crouched down to deepen the kiss and molded his lips over Chanyeol’s. He never really counted the times their lips touched but every time they did, it felt like the first time when it always brought sparks all over his body. He could feel the other’s heavy breath brush his cheek as the taller gew more aggressive and brought Baekhyun’s whole body easily beneath him, putting his head gently on the pillow, never detaching the taut of their lips.

Baekhyun let out a whine as he opened his legs for Chanyeol to hover comfortably above him. His hands were clutching on the other’s back, pulling up his shirt as he felt lust cloud in. His head started to feel light when the other didn’t seem to pull away soon, deepening the kiss as he invaded his tongue into his mouth instead. Baekhyun, however, only pulled him down deeper as he desperately sought for some air. Not long after, Chanyeol pulled away, resting his eyes on his flushed face. Baekhyun was sure he sported nothing but red on his face and being stared at like that didn’t help at all. Not only that, seeing Chanyeol as handsome as this made him want to cry, especially when he was bawling his eyes out just minutes ago but now leaving him out of breath.

“Are you an angel sent down to earth for me, baby?” Chanyeol started his way again, complementing him even though he was the one who needed comfort and lots of it.

“You were crying but now you’re back to a cheese-Yeol?”

“Seriously, Baek, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Chanyeol then kissed him again, now more tenderly but at the same time more demanding. He didn’t let his smaller boyfriend react when he went down and started peppering kisses on the other’s neck. Baekhyun had to hold himself not to make embarrassing sounds but failed miserably as the latter lightly bit on his exposed shoulder, making him shudder and breath even harder. Chanyeol’s hands didn’t stay still, caressing his tummy before pulling his sweater and his t-shirt off in one motion and went back to raining his soft skin with his kisses, somehow putting more pressure and even biting them in some places he desired the most. No words were exchanged as Chanyeol unbuckled his belt and tugged down his jeans while still keeping their eyes connected.

When Chanyeol seated on his own ankles to remove his own clothes, Baekhyun brought himself to do the same and kissed his chest in a loving manner, touching his own man on the side and pulling his body back atop of him. When Chanyeol said he was beautiful before pushing in, Baekhyun didn’t let go and just tied his legs around his waist, one hand gripping the other’s tightly above his hand, the other raking across his shoulder as he let out a choked moan. When Chanyeol pounded into him in a very heavenly rhythm, Baekhyun bowed his body perfectly, chanting the other’s name as tears of pleasure flowed out of his eyes, only to be wiped away by those lips, leaving his body tingling. And when Chanyeol reached his completion, he also brought him together, muffling his groan on his partner’s shoulder and making Baekhyun cry out, his whole body clinging to the other’s above him, body trembling as they both struggled to breathe.

Limp and sated, Baekhyun let his body be lifted up by Chanyeol to sleep on the latter’s stomach, laying his head on the other’s chest. He winced a little when Chanyeol pulled out, kissed his hair and embraced him closer. Baekhyun kissed his chest, smiled lazily as Chanyeol gifted him with one last kiss on the lips. He heard Chanyeol whisper his love and Baekhyun hummed his response before drifting to sleep.

Always, Yeol, always.

+++

Baekhyun stumbled upon Chanyeol’s leg as the latter led him in, obviously to the kitchen at the very back of their apartment. Both his hands hung around Chanyeol’s which covered his eyes from the back while nudging him to walk forward gently. Once in while he managed to take a peek through the other’s fingers even though the taller kept whispering not to open his eyes and to just trust him. Baekhyun giggled freely when he accidentally stepped on the other’s foot and a quiet groan slipped out of his boyfriend. He just woke up and hadn’t been able to gain his full consciousness, body still limp and mind hazy, when he was pulled onto his feet. He wasn’t even granted time to ask.

Baekhyun was tugged to a stop when they supposedly had reached their destination –a room that wasn’t more than five meters away from the bedroom where Chanyeol had picked him up, turned his back and walked him here. Baekhyun was excited, his eyes closing as he grew more expectant. The warmth from the other disappeared before a small voice had him opening his eyes.

The first thing he noticed was the amount of food on their small table. In the middle was a cake, seemingly a cheesecake, with two unlit ‘2’ and ‘0’ candles placed on top of it. The rest was bacon and eggs for breakfast and a cup of brewing coffee and one chocolate for him. He almost missed the small box just beside the water jar when Chanyeol hummed, catching the smaller’s attention from across the room, happiness radiating from his smile. It looked unfair, actually, when he was dressed up in crumpled pajamas but his taller boyfriend still looked so dashing and fresh as though he hadn’t rushed to clean himself and lay this so-called breakfast out. But he never uttered a protest when the taller walked his way and pushed him down on his seat.

“Happy 2nd anniversary, baby. Happy birthday to my favorite person.” Chanyeol leaned forward, sitting across him.

Baekhyun scratched his arm, finally smiling after gaining some sense into his brain, “You too, Yeol. You didn’t need to make all of this, though.” He then patted his own head, placing some strands into place.

“They’re for a very special person on this very special day, so I don’t mind. I woke up so early this morning.” Chanyeol glanced at the clock above his head - it was almost noon. “Sorry to wake you up, babe, but I didn’t want the breakfast getting cold.”

Seeing a small pout on the other’s face, Baekhyun broke out into another giggle. Chanyeol didn’t need to say sorry, but his heart was too soft and he knew Baekhyun all too well that he didn’t have the heart to wake his small boyfriend up for his habit was snuggling in bed till noon on Sunday.

“It’s okay, hon, thank you for all of this. But you look good, it’s unfair!”

“Who says you don’t look good? You look beautiful even now, you always do. I had to force myself out after seeing your face while sleeping this morning. I could have stared at you until you’d woken up if I didn’t have to prepare this.” He gestured to all the food on the table.

Even though today was exactly they second year of being together, in addition to those years as best friends, Baekhyun was still not used to being complimented boldly, moreover in random times and not just incidentally. Most of the time, Chanyeol would make him feel flattered in every way possible and it hadn’t helped his heart yet.

“So which one should I eat first?”

“Can I eat you first instead?”

Baekhyun tried not to blush but it was no avail, “But I’m hungry?” He decided not to respond to Chanyeol’s words, teasing him although he already felt his insides burning.

The taller might have teased more at this point, since Baekhyun could see a glint of playfulness in his eyes, but he only poked his tongue out like the kid he was. “Your loss, then.” He said, making them both break out in laughter. This was a moment where Baekhyun could see his role as the older of the two, and they always ended up cracking into giggles. Because, honestly, there was nothing cuter than his tall boyfriend being spoiled and pouty all around.

“Before that, you might want to know what’s in the box, Baek.” Chanyeol suggested before Baekhyun could ask, as had curiously glanced at it every once in a while. The taller nodded at the box, signaling him to take the black small box.

Every year was a surprise. Not only to celebrate their togetherness, but also occasionally, Chanyeol would always set up something which was not small at all. They were not pricey, as Chanyeol always pointed out, but the thought of the gifts always counted. And today being no different, Baekhyun was still curious and just wanted to jump onto his boyfriend in glee. Baekhyun gave Chanyeol a very wide smile as he took out a silver bracelet with a small heart dangling from one side.

“Thank you, Yeol. I love it!” Baekhyun chirped, almost jumping on his seat, following his boyfriend who suddenly stood up and took a spot beside him. Crouching down, Chanyeol helped him with the bracelet and Baekhyun noticed that they were wearing the same bracelets. He looked up, gathering the other’s hand and interlacing their fingers. When people said they completed each other, Baekhyun agreed, even their hands were matching despite the differences. His hands had always been dainty and thin, while Chanyeol’s were more calloused and practically bigger in size. That was one of the reasons why Baekhyun liked holding his hands, caressing and feeling them while looking at them – just awed at the perfect difference.

Not long after that, Baekhyun craned his neck upwards as he pulled the other down by the shoulder. When their lips touched, he immediately closed his eyes. Baekhyun moved a bit, turning his body to his boyfriend, deepening the kiss. A row of teeth scraped on his bottom lip and it succeeded in making him open his mouth, soft breathing followed a hum. But a very familiar tone suddenly rang and Baekhyun didn’t bite back a whine when Chanyeol pulled back. The taller straightened his back and glanced at his phone on top of the kitchen counter crying out a monotone sound. Chanyeol gave him an apologetic smile and walked over to take his phone after brushing his lip with his thumb.

Baekhyun only stared at his back and then at his face when the taller picked up his phone. He saw the other frown before sliding his thumb on the screen, hesitantly putting the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” His voice cut through the silence and Baekhyun was about to avert his gaze when the crease changed into a surprised one. Chanyeol’s eyes widened at something from the line before he cleared his throat, “Hello. Yes, yes, I’m still here.” His head turned towards him to flash a small smile. What Baekhyun didn’t expect was Chanyeol excusing himself out after that. He never did that when making a call or receiving one. It was not something to ponder on, but Baekhyun frowned at his action, once again staring at his retreating back.

Standing up, he paced towards the threshold and leaned over the side, internally nagging at anyone who disrupted their sweet session that was supposed to go on until they felt content with the food. He peered at their bedroom door that stood ajar and stilled a yawn as he really couldn’t catch the other’s murmurs talking to the phone. Deciding to shrug off the strange behavior of Chanyeol just now, Baekhyun lazily rested his body on the sofa, flicking through the TV while waiting for his boyfriend. The cake has to wait.

+++

Baekhyun sighed for the umpteenth time as he made another wrong spelling on his slide, ruffling his own hair not so softly. The third year of college had definitely tired him out, pressing him to stay for more hours just to finish some assignments that were due in the impossible times. The presentation that he was currently working on was no different, making him force a whine out of his mouth as he thought of another untouched assignment for tomorrow.

“You can go home now and let me do the rest, Baek. You can do some last touching and I’ll edit it later.”

His partner, Minseok, eyed him worriedly, seeing him look fidgety now and then, not even one slide had been made since he offered to do the introduction of their presentation. Baekhyun strained a smile before going back to the empty slide that was meant to be presented tomorrow, together with Minseok. His friend had been so kind making a review paper of The Old Boy, and so he couldn’t slack on the slides. However, Baekhyun’s blank mind could think of nothing but Chanyeol’s voice on the phone telling him that his father was rushed to the hospital this afternoon. His boyfriend said everything was okay, that he shouldn’t be worried, but Baekhyun could tell that the other sounded stressed that he even forgot to say his sorry for not being able to pick him up later. It didn't matter, of course, but Chanyeol abruptly cut off the line and Baekhyun couldn’t be more worried than that.

Before he made another failed attempt of putting words onto the first slide, two hands gripped on the laptop and brought it on the table, bringing him back from his concerns. Baekhyun blinked his eyes and saw Minseok sigh, shaking his head when he reached for the laptop and firmly patted his hand away. “You should really go now ‘cause you look like a mess,” Minseok made a gesture with hands to shoo him away, “Let me do it and that’s final.”

Baekhyun didn’t make any move but gave him a guilty look. But Minseok didn’t approve his stubbornness as he stood up and pulled Baekhyun up to shove him towards the exit door gently. Baekhyun could only nod when his small friend handed him his bag and once again gave him a small push on his shoulder. As soon as he stepped forward, though, he heard Minseok half-shout, “The next project is your turn, Byun!”

The typical smell of hospitals was the first thing that greeted his nose as he exited the lift, phone gripped in his hand tightly. He bowed slightly at a doctor who seemed to be rushing in the opposite direction as him. Baekhyun was unsure for a moment, stopped in his tracks and re-opened the message containing the number of a room Chanyeol had sent an hour ago. He looked around and proceeded to walk slowly, looking at every door he passed until he found room 366.

Baekhyun caught his breath a little once he reached the door, slipping his phone inside his front pocket. Hearing the faint noise of different voices from behind the door, he knocked twice and opened the door slowly. Yoora approached him first, hugged him immediately and whispered a thank you into his neck. The beautiful short-haired woman pulled away then clutched at his arms, inspecting his whole frame before giving him a huge grin, one that hadn’t really reached her eyes. The next person was Chanyeol’s mother whispering his name and stroking his arm. He hugged the woman in return and said sorry for not buying them anything, reasoning that he was a bit in hurry before the visiting hours finished. Mrs. Park let out a small laugh, giving him a slight nod towards the figure on the bed instead.

The last time he saw Mr.Park was not long ago and he supposed he was not this thin. He looked perfectly fine while sleeping but his white hospital robe and an IV needle attached to his hand left a twinge in his body.

Chanyeol was sitting beside the bed, head buried in his folded arms. Baekhyun was about to go over his boyfriend when he noticed a man –probably no taller than him- standing right behind Chanyeol, running a hand through his hair while looking sadly at Mr. Park. Baekhyun actually didn’t make it clear that he stared too much, almost scrutinized, but the man suddenly looked straight into his eyes. He thought he was going to introduce himself or just simply gave him a bow but the stranger slouched down and whispered something to Chanyeol, hands caressing so gently over his arms. The gesture could be a very friendly touch but Baekhyun’s eyebrows knitted and his lips twitched as he saw the unexplainable look of the man after he managed to nudge Chanyeol up.

“Someone is here.”

Baekhyun heard the man say to Chanyeol, making the taller out of two turn his head towards him. It was meant to be fine being considered ‘someone’ by someone who didn’t know him and definitely wouldn’t be able to tell that Baekhyun was Chanyeol’s boyfriend, but he felt cold rushing into him when Chanyeol called his name in a firm tone.

“Baekhyun…” His voice was rough due to sleep. He stood up and Baekhyun expected a hug too, but Chanyeol pulled the stranger man forward, hinting at them to introduce themselves.

“Kyungsoo, this is my friend, Baekhyun. Baek, this is Kyungsoo who I always told you about.”

Baekhyun was actually surprised when he finally met the Kyungsoo that was Chanyeol’s closest friend, a best friend who left him devastated yet was sometimes mentioned by the taller as he recalled his past. But what bothered him was the fact that Chanyeol said something that was obviously wrong – friend? Baekhyun tried to question his boyfriend by giving him a confused look, but Chanyeol avoided his gaze as he made a little wrinkle on the rim of his shirt. He seemed nervous, and Baekhyun thought it was unnecessary.

But before Baekhyun managed to gain his attention, the slightly smaller man pulled out his hand, giving him a very sweet smile that Baekhyun found himself following suit.

“Hi, I’m Kyungsoo.”

“Baekhyun.” He introduced himself, shaking the other’s hand. Somehow, it was good to make a new friend but what was left was awkwardness that evidently hung in the air as nobody uttered a word after that, untangling their hands in slow motion. He kept his smile, nonetheless, trying his best not to give a bad impression to Chanyeol’s childhood best friend. He felt strange as he was introduced as a mere “friend” by his own boyfriend. But maybe it could wait, maybe they could make it right after this. Even though he wasn’t quite sure the reason why Chanyeol did that, why Chanyeol looked as if he were not himself.

And he never knew what Chanyeol’s intention was when he felt alone for the rest of the day, staring at them talking without really casting him in. Even after Mr. Park was awake, he felt like he intruded this family’s reunion as they chatted bubbly, asking Kyungsoo about his life.

Kyungsoo, however, whom he learned had just finished studying at a college in UK, gave him a tap on his shoulder, handed him a drink and engaged him in a light conversation. In a blink, the thought of explaining further that he was Chanyeol’s boyfriend disappeared, as they laughed together eventually.

The trip home was awfully quiet and a bit frustrating because Baekhyun hadn’t been able to figure a decent purpose why Chanyeol led the idea that they were nothing back in the hospital. The question itself had been at the tip of his tongue (it almost slipped out some time) but Chanyeol seemed dazed and a bit off, as if he weren’t there all along. In the end, he decided to be a good boyfriend and just pushed it away as he didn’t want to burden Chanyeol further, especially after hearing his father had to have regular check-ups along with taking medicines from now on. But still, it kept bugging him to at least ask nicely and confirm something. It wasn’t a big deal, supposedly.

It was after Chanyeol pulled over and parked his car when he finally said a word.

“Something wrong, baby?”

His nickname was there and it was enough to put Baekhyun at ease even if just slightly. He nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, placed a soft peck on the other’s begging lips. “I think I should be the one asking that. You look tired, babe, let’s get you to bed.” Putting a finger over Chanyeol’s lips as they opened in protest, he shook his head. “And I’m okay.”

Baekhyun wasn’t sure enough whether it was an answer for Chanyeol’s confusion or a way to convince himself.

But maybe it hadn’t been enough to ensure him that something was off with Chanyeol after meeting Kyungsoo, having the taller seemingly forgetting his own routine of asking him to go to bed together rather than rejecting Baekhyun’s hug, albeit suddenly, and neglecting the smaller’s reaching hand in the living room. That was when those words were finally said.

“Why did you tell Kyungsoo that I was your friend?”

“Baek…”

“I mean, you tell everybody that I’m your boyfriend and you always seem proud and it never matters but you said I was only a friend? Why, Yeol?”

He didn’t mean to raise his voice but he did, and it seemed to trigger Chanyeol as he quickly turned around to face Baekhyun, eyes widening in disbelief.

“My father’s condition is getting worse and that’s the only thing that’s concerning you?”

That one moment, Baekhyun had wanted nothing but an explanation from the other, but in the next second he wished to take back all his words and go over to his boyfriend whose eyes flashed with hurt. He never intended to stir that look in Chanyeol’s face and he quietly blamed himself for blurting it out without considering Chanyeol’s state first. He should’ve comforted him, not confronted him in his most despairing time.

“No, Chanyeol, I’m—I just want to know, I—I deserve to know, right? Because you never did that before and I was just surprised…” Baekhyun avoided Chanyeol’s exhausted gaze, whispering the last part. When he was at fault, he wished he could shrink as the guilty feeling slowly ate him up.

Baekhyun didn’t even realize that Chanyeol was now standing close, tilting his head upwards.

“I wasn’t thinking, Baek. It all happened at the same time and I was tired, I still am. And suddenly I got a call from Yoora about dad and then Kyungsooo appeared just like that. I couldn’t find the right words and this morning, too, I had to leave earlier because of that stupid friend of mine suddenly needed his note which had suddenly slipped into my bag. How stupid is that? And when Yoora called me I was—“

“I’m sorry, Yeol. I’m sorry for burdening you…” He cut his boyfriend off because he looked overwhelmingly stressed as he rambled on and on and Baekhyun felt worse, pulling Chanyeol’s forehead onto his.

“But, you’re right, Baek. I shouldn’t have said that to Kyungsoo, I should’ve—“

“No, baby, no, I’m sorry.” He brought Chanyeol down and put his head on his shoulder. Relief washed over him when Chanyeol went limp in his arms, leaving him to support the heavier body that looked nothing but small right now, soft whines came out asking for his help to put him to bed and help him forget everything that had worn him out completely. Baekhyun kissed him deeply on the forehead before taking Chanyeol to their bedroom.

If only he asked further…

+++

Apparently, Do Kyungsoo never missed slipping out of Chanyeol’s mouth since their first meeting in the hospital on that day. Baekhyun kept questioning about him, at first, being a curious boyfriend he was of this very special boy that had always looked after Chanyeol before he came into the picture. The taller, completely enthusiastic, would lively recount everything that they had gone through together.

Chanyeol recalled his first meeting with Kyungsoo on the first day of being entrusted in a local daycare. Since his mother was still working in a kindergarten until he was five, she had to take the little him to Sunny Daylight before going to work. Three-year old Chanyeol was too attached to his mother that he refused to get tossed over to a small lady with smiley face as he kicked his small legs to the air, hands reaching frantically to his mother who looked rushed. Little Chanyeol hadn’t stopped crying even fifteen minutes after, though the small lady had gone back and forth carrying him and shushing him down with colorful toys and sweets. Until a petite boy with beautiful thick black hair and incredibly big eyes suddenly handed him a green crayon, flashing him a wide smile with a missing front tooth. Then, Chanyeol found himself being dragged by the boy who brought him to his drawing spot, patted his hand and then the scattered papers on the floor. The boy didn’t join him but ran to his backpack among all the kids’ that almost made him break out into another cry. But, the small boy came back with a scarf and wiped his running snot and tears before sitting in front of Chanyeol and continued his drawing. That was where their friendship began. And Chanyeol always bugged his mother to take him back there ever since.

Chanyeol told him some more, from their closeness in school days until the constant joking from both of their parents about them marrying each other in the future. Baekhyun could’ve counted it as a cute memory but he had been hearing too much of Kyungsoo that sometimes he became annoyed. Good thing, he could easily hide his feeling and smoothly change the topic when Chanyeol had seemed too keen talking about his childhood best friend.

(He even asked, and doubted, Chanyeol if he had reconfirmed about their relationship to Kyungsoo, but Chanyeol only gave him a look before giving him a simple ‘of course’ which sounded nothing but forceful.)

Baekhyun wasn’t really the type to get easily jealous, let alone be a jealous boyfriend; he was never bothered by those shameless girls who continuously brought Chanyeol presents or openly flirted with him in texts. He also never said no to Chanyeol who always asked him for permission before going to parties and had him go back home alone. The idea that the other never missed telling him everything was more than enough to keep faith between themselves, what was more when he promised a date the day after. However, something had been tugging at the deep pit of his stomach when someone kept calling Chanyeol’s phone with the name Kyungsoo-ah, a name which was very familiar but strangely alien in his eyes. Baekhyun knew he was being unreasonable for staring spitefully at the blinking name but he didn’t like it when the other man seemed to ruin their moments on purpose whenever they were together. He should’ve just ignored him like he did with those people bombarding Chanyeol with questions and compliments, but he was more than worried as Chanyeol pecked him goodbye to take Kyungsoo around since he hadn’t been accustomed to the changes in the city, promising him that he wouldn’t be long. Baekhyun wished his hand was faster than his brain to just snatch his lover’s hand and keep him home as he longingly stared at his back.

He also wished he could return to the time when Chanyeol was always with him, not slowly drifting away like a shadow.

Sorry babe, Sehun asked me to come with him
He’s having interview today but he don’t have a suit
*a formal dress

Baekhyun halted his steps as he read the pop-up notifications on his phone. He curled his lips to hold back a sigh as he clicked the ‘open’ button. On top of his chat room, the word ‘typing’ was seen, indicating that his boyfriend was writing something else.

I think I can’t pick you up today
Sorry :(
Tell me if you finish the test already

Graduation was a month away and Baekhyun had applied to some courses and schools to prepare right after being a bachelor. The days in college had never been easy, especially the numbers of books he had to finish and review as a literature student. But he managed to gain his best scores in every subject (except histories) and got followed up by one of the most prestigious English courses just after some applies. Last Friday, he was called to have a test today, and if he passed it, he would be interviewed soon enough within a week.

I just finished :/
It’s okay hun
Where are you two going?
Please come home fast I miss you :*

Oh? How was it?
Idk. Maybe just find smth in a mall

Hmm it went well. Let’s see :/
But I really want to work here huhu
Okayy take care yeol!

Hehe no worries, you can do it!
You too!

Pay attention to what Sehun has prepared because you’ll get your interview soon enough!
Don’t skip lunch!

And it stopped, as the sign ‘read’ didn’t appear right after he pushed ‘send’.

Baekhyun walked his way to the nearest bus stop, looking at his watch that screamed too early to cram in their apartment – the original plan was actually going back together after spending some time with Chanyeol. He took a seat at the very corner and fished out his phone once more to make sure. The black screen greeted him in return, even his untouched chats seemed to mock him in some way. He tried to fight the nagging feeling when he reread his texts with Chanyeol from several days ago and found that his replies had been shorter and shorter every day. Chanyeol never showed excessive emotions through emojis and cute words but he surely never missed his lovely name for Baekhyun and that, too, had become rare.

He felt warm suddenly –not a comforting one- and it hurt, especially in the eyes. Baekhyun wondered why Chanyeol had been distant and he noticed that too late. It might have been there for a while but he might have pretended that they were still okay, that he was still the one that Chanyeol loved wholeheartedly. If he knew what he could do to fix this, he would. But what made him heartsick was the fact that he actually knew yet he couldn’t stop it.

Chanyeol never replied to his messages that day, never told him to wait until he was home and maybe spent the last hours together. But Baekhyun still had hope, hence waiting and letting himself savor bits of happiness left when the other didn’t even pick up his worried calls. He busied himself with the laundry, cooked a small dinner for two and continued his reading with his phone tucked in his hand, hoping for it to vibrate even once. It never came, not from him. Even when he lay on the sofa, eyes blinking and straining to keep the sleepiness away, all he got was pain, a sharp stab hammering his head and begging him to rest. That night, Baekhyun dejectedly dragged himself to bed after hours of waiting for Chanyeol.

When Chanyeol came back, he sneaked into the bed and wrapped his arms around his smaller lover, seeking for his warmth. Snuggling his head into the other’s neck, he started littering kisses down to his shoulder, hands impatiently tugging down the collar. Baekhyun’s scent was too intoxicating he couldn’t hold back the arousal that came in a swift moment, forcing him to kiss deeper, to bite harder. He stopped momentarily when a thin hand combed through his hair, bringing their lips together. Chanyeol heard a low groan as the gap between them reduced in a blink. It was the second moan that slipped past Baekhyun’s lips that pushed his button and turned him cloudy. He worked on their clothes promptly, and pushed in without mind, without any preparations, eyes blind and ears deaf of his painful expression and pleads. When he tasted tears on the other’s cheeks, he mistook them as a waste of pleasure and he brought himself deeper. He didn’t hold those hands, letting them crumple against the sheets as endless cries sounded heavenly in his ears.

The next moment, when Baekhyun whimpered his name, he finally came back from his haziness, finding his lover lying there with a painfully beautiful smile, chanting his love for him. He cried real tears after realizing that he had hurt no one but his half, his soul. His small lover said nothing but pulled him in his embrace and tucked his head onto his rapid heartbeat.

If Chanyeol hadn’t fallen asleep so soon, he wouldn’t have missed the painful cry of his boyfriend above him, trying his hardest not to wake him up.

It was almost two in the morning when Baekhyun felt a dip in the bed. There were arms around his waist not long after but he tried not to budge. He was about to ask the other to clean himself first when a kiss was placed on his neck. But it was not a soft one, it was demanding. And when he returned the kiss on his lips, he smelled alcohol. Instead of letting out a protest, he moaned.

He cried himself to sleep afterwards, bringing Chanyeol closer in his arms.

+++

Baekhyun glanced nervously at the watch on his wrist, tongue clicking as he tracked the endless movements of the long needle, silently telling him that he had waited in vain, and he should just let it go. It also seemed that an hour had passed, and Baekhyun cringed at the thoughts running on his mind.

Today was finally settled as their date after all the businesses that had hindered their meeting that led from the usual intimate kisses and burning touches reduced to quick ghostly pecks and soft brushes as motivations. Baekhyun had thought about this before, a prediction of lack of intimacy near in the future when they would become graduates and had to find something to hold onto their lives. He had also brought some solutions upon themselves in case that indeed happened, but he never appraised such pain such as distant when Chanyeol was there but his smiles didn’t seem to be with him anymore, not only for him as he had always promised before.

It had been four months for him as a teacher in his dream course and he had enjoyed everything he did so far, even more all the kids had always paid his tiredness off. What made him stressed was that for the exact number of months his boyfriend had been nothing but a stranger to him, all the more since the Engineer Bachelor became a very busy architect in a big company. They still talked and teased each other, laughed together in movies, or kissed welcomes and goodbyes. But it was not that warm gaze or soft lingering of lips that lured Baekhyun into him, it felt like a boring routine that they needed to fulfill just for keeping them on the lane, the red thread that would be cut off easily by a tender tip.

Baekhyun had been questioning himself, too, whether he had changed when Chanyeol had started to walk away, no longer accepting his reaching hands trying to take hold of their relationship. Or maybe he wasn’t there enough to support and care for his lover that he sought for other sources of happiness in other places, or person. The last option might have been too painful that sometimes Baekhyun found himself muffling his own cries or staring at nothing in the middle of the night, especially when Chanyeol was too busy so he had to stay over in Kyungsoo’s place that was apparently way closer to his workplace.

Even though Chanyeol always made up for every promise that he had broken, Baekhyun couldn’t assure himself that Chanyeol still belonged to him wholly, not a bit of him remained elsewhere every time he was with Kyungsoo. When he pondered further, Chanyeol seemed to stay less than his own apartment –their shared place- that sometimes he’s left with bundle of clothes and a tired smile, sometimes without a single peck on his forehead. Still, Baekhyun tried his best, even if he had to beg, he would. And he did, when finally Chanyeol said yes to his plea of one date.

Baekhyun leaned back to the bench, anxiously waiting at their usual meeting spot in the park, when his phone vibrated. He swiftly slid it open hoping for a good news, but his face fell upon reading the short message. It was from no other but his awaited and supposed date but he couldn’t make it as he had to look after his dad. He couldn’t be selfish, he knew, but he also needed some attention from his lover. He should’ve made haste to their house, rushed for a train ticket to visit Mr. Park, but he did hear his heart shatter, another crack on their vulnerable path.

Baekhyun waited. He waited until his back felt numb on the bench rest and thighs weary for sitting too long. Even though more than ten people had taken the spot next to him, he still waited. He needed an answer so that he could go back home at least with a sigh of relief. But, it had been one or two hours with no answer from the other line. The message from his boyfriend clearly asked him to cancel the date and find another time together, yet Baekhyun couldn’t shake away the possibilities that Chanyeol had lied to him. That was why he didn’t want to leave yet, wet eyes blinking unshed tears, hands tugging hard on his own hair.

He just embarrassed himself in front of a nice-looking lady who had offered him tissues but he didn’t care. Someone might have called him pathetic for sniffling in a broad park, but that too, he didn’t care.

After it seemed like another hour had passed, and another tens of miscalls, Baekhyun finally heard the dial tone stop.

“Hello, Baekhyun-ssi?”

Except, the voice wasn’t close to Chanyeol’s. It was Kyungsoo.

“K-Kyungsoo?”

“Yes, Baekhyun, I’m—“

“—but I thought Chanyeol was going home? I mean—umm I mean he said that his father was sick…?”

Baekhyun actually expected the other to ask him to repeat his words, as his trembling lips and an audible suck of breath distracted his soft voice, but he swore the other’s breath hitched upon hearing what he had said. If they hadn’t constantly stayed together, or if Chanyeol had just been himself lately, Baekhyun wouldn’t have thought of something that made his stomach drop. He could’ve thought that Kyungsoo had asked him to accompany Chanyeol to visit home together, but his meek answer had never been his hope.

“I’m sorry, Baekhyun-ssi, but Chanyeol’s here at my apartment…”

“Why are you picking this up?”

His voice sounded harsher that he had made it to be, but he had no energy left in his body. He just needed a vivid explanation. He could live with Chanyeol prioritizing his work over him but he definitely couldn’t bear if his boyfriend was lying. Even more, this included Kyungsoo, the name that always left a sharp pang all over his body.

“Chanyeol left his phone here in the living room and it kept ringing. I picked it up thinking that it must be an important call but then it’s from you I’m-“

“Can I talk to him?”

What he felt now was pain - he couldn’t breathe. He tried gasping for air, anything that could keep him company. Because suddenly, he felt alone. Alone and unwanted.

He held his breath waiting for the other to respond only to wish not be able to take one hearing at his next words.

“…He’s in the shower…”

His hand went limp to his side, bringing his phone down to his thigh. He could hear the panic voice of the other calling his name through the speaker but the silence and cold enveloped him as he hung up. When the sun started to fade out, Baekhyun walked himself home with a great pang in his chest.

Chanyeol came home a bit early that night, and Baekhyun let out a bitter chuckle as he heard a fumble and a click sound of their apartment door. His red eyes strained towards the door before it was opened by the sole reason of his fatigued soul.

“Baekhyun…?”

Baekhyun missed this. He missed the other so badly that his voice alone and one mention of his name by that deep voice forced himself not to walk over him and hug him as he used to do. It had been rare to have them together in their shared place at the same time, let alone going home together. Baekhyun had been waiting for this moment –for when the other came home with him still widely awake, that way they could have their moment together, even only for a while to have dinner or cuddle in bed. It finally happened, but Baekhyun didn’t like it at all because he had made himself wait and drown in sorrow and tears to have a serious talk with his lover.

“I’m here...” He finally whispered when Chanyeol came in through the entrance wall to their living room.

For a moment, Baekhyun felt like he lost his mind seeing that handsome face yet again, seemingly having his breath taken away. Chanyeol looked so good and he never failed to make Baekhyun fall harder and harder. He somehow looked tired, too, as his body became skinnier and Baekhyun almost blamed himself for not realizing this soon, for focusing more on his job rather his boyfriend, their relationship. But it was also the other’s fault for spending more time with his childhood best friend that he bit his tongue to ask what he had been doing or rather had he been okay or not. Instead, the unwanted tears came back into his eyes when he saw a flash of worry in Chanyeol’s orbs. Please, don’t worry about me, don’t make me fall deeper when you have fallen out of it.

“Baek—hey, Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had something to do at office and I couldn’t leave it. It was due tomorrow so I had to take it home and finish it off and so I did it at Kyungsoo’s apartment. I’m so sorry…“

And don’t call me baby, anymore. “You said you wanted to visit your dad but you did your work at his apartment? So you were lying?”

Baekhyun felt his boyfriend freeze, his hands that were caressing his arms suddenly stopped, too. When the warmth disappeared, Baekhyun screamed internally, wanting for those hands to return back to their place, willing his fear and worry away. He leaned forward a bit, hoping for the other to take him into his arms but Chanyeol stood out of his kneeling position and turned his back on him. A soft gasp slipped out of Baekhyun’s mouth as he stood up as well, breaths ragged as he felt a mix of anger and hopelessness crawling up his throat.

“So you’re just gonna give me your back, huh? Not even an explanation?” His screamed everything out, spite laced in his voice, yet he couldn’t fight his angry tears that were wiped away harshly as he continued, “You clearly said that you were going back home in the text, but when I called you, Kyungsoo picked it up. Where’s the freaking truth in any of this, tell me! Because you lied, Park Chanyeol, you lied!”

When he finally turned his back, Baekhyun saw him let out a harsh breath, hands messing up his own hair. “Baek, can you not scream? It’s almost eleven and I didn’t even lie—“

“You’re not answering me!”

“Okay, let me tell you this,” Chanyeol finally met his eyes, ”You never like it when I stay over at Kyungsoo’s and that’s ridiculous because it’s just a friendly stay-over because I’m too tired to go back here and I do nothing but work there! I know you dislike him but that’s also unreasonable because he’s my best friend!”

“But you could’ve just said it as usual, right? Why did you lie?”

“Because you wouldn’t like it if I said the truth so I made a reason, Baek!”

Chanyeol shouted the last part before averting his eyes and steadying his breathing. His body trembled from all the emotions that hadn’t been shown in his eyes. He probably felt like fainting due to the amount of work that he had done today. Baekhyun could call it a day, seeing from their messy situation that needed fresh minds, but he still needed some clarifications that his boyfriend wasn’t seeing his own best friend now, that he still loved him genuinely. He wanted to be selfish just this time, only once, because he needed answers. He needed him.

“Chanyeol, I could just let that go but the thing is, you never care about me anymore. You rarely come home, you never hug me in my sleep. Heck, you haven’t even touched me since last month! Correct me if I’m wrong, but this has happened since Kyungsoo came back!”

“Damn it, Baek, he’s just my best friend. Can you leave him out of this?”

“See, you’re not even denying it and now you’re taking his side?”

He knew he wasn’t thinking straight, but he was more than tired. He just wanted the old Chanyeol came back in his embrace.

“Baek, you’re spitting nonsense. Let me get you to bed—“

“I don’t need sleep, Yeol, don’t you know? I need you!”

Sobs raked through his body, hands hugging his own arms, seeking for refuge. His vision blurred by those angry tears as his body couldn’t find what it wanted. He needed the other’s warmth all over his body, soothing his cries with his words, filling his heart with endless happiness. But it had gone. It hadn’t been there for a while. And he couldn’t expect the same person to suddenly bring him to his comfort and do what he usually did when he was in his most depressed times. His silence answered all. Because what he could see now was only emptiness as his lover seemed so far away even when he reached harder.

“Do you still love me, Yeol?”

He stilled, waiting for the other to give an honest answer, gathering the pieces of his heart that had crumbled down little by little. A soft blow could shatter it in a blink, so he tried to hold onto it, hoping a mere yes that could put them back together.

But he got nothing but a sudden jerk as the other averted his gaze.

“Please, answer me, Yeol. Do you still love me?”

It was love that made him a mess, but also a real person. It was always Chanyeol that made him feel everything, even pain. He never complained, because love was between soaring happiness and pure agony. That was why, if he had to beg, he would.

“Chanyeol, please…”

His boyfriend bit his lower lip.

“I like him.”

“What?

“I like him, but I love you.”

The falling of his heart was too sudden he couldn’t catch it. It shattered as fast as the words absorbed into his brain, cutting down through his whole body, making creations of red in his heart, blurs in his eyes.

“W-what do you mean, Yeol?”

He waited, feeling as if were on the edge of his death. He held his breath, getting ready for the angel to take it away, willingly.

“Kyungsoo is my first love, Baek.”

That was the time when his whole life fell to pieces as Chanyeol stepped onto his shattered heart instead of picking them one by one. It was supposed to be the place that always gave him safety and affection but he felt cold. It was supposed to be his boyfriend who gave him his hands to hold and his heart to cherish but he tasted nothing but pain. Chanyeol might have felt sorry that he had uttered his deepest secret that wasn’t meant for him but what was craved in his bleeding heart was the fact that Kyungsoo was his first love. And they might have done some things that they shouldn’t have but couldn’t control as two people reminiscing the old feeling that was surging in and couldn’t stop. It even didn’t compromise him as the person who picked the pieces at first when one of them left the other one to bleed.

“Do you know that you’re hurting me, Yeol?”

Baekhyun trailed off, feeling his body almost meeting its limit.

“I’m sorry, Baek, but I need to be honest with you…”

Chanyeol stepped closer and he swayed back, hand pulling up to stop the taller from touching him, reaching for his shivering body and succumbing him into his act. He craned his neck, for the umpteenth time trying to slip back his tears that kept falling freely. However, he ended up crying even more when a bigger hand placed on top of his, putting it on his chest. He almost wanted to let himself loose but he stopped, even when the soft touch on his knuckles brought a trail of memories behind his eyes. Even when he met the other’s wet eyes, he halted himself, gently pulling his hand out of his grasp.

“Can you leave me alone, Yeol?”

And he did, as he didn’t come back to their bed that night, leaving one side cold.

+++

The warmth wasn’t there anymore, only cold, especially the spot that used to be occupied by a certain male with his musky scent. And Baekhyun missed his scent and his touch, his husky whispers and his long legs around his. But there weren’t there with him, even when he needed him the most, when he needed his assuring words more than anything.

Chanyeol still slept on their bed, sat with him during dinner, and sent him texts. But Baekhyun felt more than hurt as he stared silently when Chanyeol slowly rolled himself up and walked out of their bedroom and spent his night on the sofa when he thought Baekhyun had fallen asleep. Sometimes, he couldn’t finish his meal and spewed it out instead when Chanyeol excused himself without finishing his and dumped it into the trash bin. And most of time, he deleted all the messages from Chanyeol when they were all just about asking him not to stay up since he was going to be late, or he couldn’t come home at all.

Baekhyun knew their relationship was broken, and he didn’t know how to mend it at the same time heal his heart. He really wanted to talk to him, asking him to sit together while fighting all the images of his boyfriend and Kyungsoo floating in his head. Even when his deepest mind screamed at him that he might not be the boyfriend anymore, he turned it down.

It had been tugging at his mind to find the right answer, to have the closure that could be worthy for both of them. But he couldn’t bear the thought that he would be left alone, unloved, when he had spent half of his life with Chanyeol. The other might not be worried, because he had Kyungsoo. And if he could easily fall out of love and then found another in a blink, Chanyeol would find someone after this, too. Chanyeol could, but he couldn’t. He only had had Chanyeol in his whole life and it wouldn’t change that easily.

It was when he thought that they could work it out, when he believed he could work it out.

But he had to do something when he didn’t see Chanyeol try, when it was supposed to be the two of them.

Baekhyun didn’t –never- want to end this, but he had to. He just wanted Chanyeol to be happy. And if being with him only brought sadness to the other, he would bear the pain. He couldn’t, though, when Chanyeol looked at him sadly and seemed like he wanted to talk about something that Baekhyun might have known the intention to. So he had decided to break the ice and say the words first, once again for the sake of his weak heart, for Chanyeol’s happiness.

Baekhyun thought he would be the first to wait when he saw the other sitting on the sofa, eyes piercing but longing, like he had been expecting him to come out of the bedroom. Chanyeol was wearing a blue t-shirt and loose pants, sitting idly on the couch –a sight Baekhyun was not really accustomed to seeing on a Sunday morning. Except, Chanyeol didn’t look relaxed, rather he looked tense and thin, and Baekhyun almost lost himself to soothe those creases and frowns away. He might’ve not seen this, but he never supposed that their problem bothered him too –if this sight in front on him was because of their crumbling relationship.

And suddenly all the words that he had put together were just blown away as Chanyeol stood up and made careful steps towards him, whispering his name.

“Baek…”

Still, he couldn’t get himself more wrecked than this as he beat the other.

“We need to talk.”

His voice was soft, too weak than he intended it to be. It should’ve come firmer, stronger, to show the other that he was and would be fine without him, yet he wanted everything to disappear as he averted his eyes to their frame, hands clenching to stop himself from trembling.

Baekhyun was almost sure the other didn’t hear it before he looked straight in the other’s eyes. Chanyeol was standing there, just at the edge of the sofa. He looked anything but strong as he held onto its side. He hesitated at first, tongue wetting his dry lips before nodding to him, lips twitching a small smile, eyes pleading for him to have a seat first. But, Baekhyun wouldn’t want that. He had to stop everything that made his brain numb, before he ended up hurt by any words that came from Chanyeol.

“Let’s break up.” Baekhyun held his breath, “I don’t think we can work anymore, Chanyeol. I don’t know what you feel about me now but—but you seem so far. You might have stopped loving me. You have, I think.” He bit his lower lip, laughing bitterly. ”Because you’re just not being you, not the Chanyeol that I’ve known and I think you’re tired of me. You’ve changed. A lot, Yeol, and I don’t know what to hold onto anymore because you don’t seem to care at all.” Baekhyun saw him open his mouth but he hadn’t finished, so he continued before the other had a chance to reply, “I—I don’t know, Chanyeol, but I couldn’t find any other way. We should stop, we have to. I don’t know about you but—“ I still love you, I think I can’t stop. And maybe I won’t. “I think this is it.”

Baekhyun lowered his head after he finished, finding that the whiteness below him was more than interesting. He finally blurted it out, but he didn’t feel relieved. If not, he could taste bitterness on his tongue and endless pounding in his head as invisible hands tightened around his lungs. He had imagined those beautiful scenarios where he was shoving his clothes in to his luggage. He wished Chanyeol would laugh, kiss his tears as he begged him not to go. He would cage him in his arms and whisper his regret while pretending to sulk at him for not believing him, for not having enough faith in him. The next morning, they would cuddle while stealing kisses and decide to take a day off work. But Baekhyun could only hope as he finally heard a quiet hum from the other.

“Okay…”

Those images went blurred, replaced by their memories from their five-year relationship. It was not the easiest journey, but Chanyeol had made everything easy, made him love.

“You said I was hurting you, anyway.”

Chanyeol sounded hurt and Baekhyun lifted his head. He almost missed the other wiping a single tear using his knuckle as he exhaled a heavy breath. Baekhyun didn’t want to hope much but he saw hurt. Chanyeol looked hurt and he never expected it. He should’ve been happy that he could be serious with his childhood best friend and—

“If you’re hurting because of me, I wouldn’t forgive myself, Baek. I always swear that and now I’m the one who has hurt you.” He let out a shaky chuckle. “If we have to stop this, I don’t mind. As long as you’re happy and it can stop you from hurting.”

Chanyeol was trembling, holding back his cry, and Baekhyun didn’t know what to do. He wanted to hold him, but he was also slowly falling.

“You can stay here, Baek, I’ll move.”

“No, you stay, this is yours.” Why did you look hurt but then so fast to get rid of me? “I can find another place nearer to my office. I need to see my mom first, anyway.”

“But, Baek, I can stay at Kyungsoo’s.”

Baekhyun wished he could hide his hurtful expression every time Chanyeol mentioned that name.

“It’s up to you, I don’t care. I have packed, so don’t hold me back.”

Not waiting for Chanyeol’s response, he turned his back, strode his way back to their room and clicked the door locked before he slumped down with his back against the door.

+++

“Thanks, Junmyeon-ssi.”

“No worries, Baek. And please, drop that and just call me Junmyeon. Don’t be too formal, Baek.”

Baekhyun slowed his hand reaching for the door handle and turned his head, giving a small smile to the older man beside him. The smile didn’t quite look genuine; one could tell he had something behind those smiles nowadays. Junmyeon had noticed it too, this time dared enough to lift a hand and stroke his cheek with his thumb. Baekhyun flinched a bit, trying his best not to look obvious that he wasn’t really fond of someone’s hand on his cheek, someone who had been offering himself to help him move on and stuff, but his care and his feelings towards him seemed to be just vain, making him less happier than he was before.

“You should smile more often, Baek. You look beautiful when you smile—I mean that smile that you used to wear before.”

Baekhyun folded his lip inside, nervously searching for something in those orbs intently staring at his. He nodded as a response, forcing a wider smile to assure the other that he was fine, that he hadn’t changed a bit. But everything might not work his way when he was with Junmyeon, since he had put more attention to him from the very beginning of their meeting. Baekhyun relaxed into the touch before placing his hand on top of Junmyeon’s and bringing it down. It happened fast when Baekhyun placed a quick peck on his cheek, quickly yanking his head back when his face appeared behind his eyelids. He wasn’t supposed to ruin his heart and take back his nerve to finally submit his heart to this man before him. He wasn’t that someone anymore anyway.

When Baekhyun thought that Junmyeon might’ve been offended by his action, the other looked utterly surprised. His eyes widened a little as red slowly tinted his ears.

“Thank you for driving me here, Junmyeon-ah.”

Once again, he thanked the older, cutting his words that probably meant for another move to make him give in. He just stuck out his right leg when his wrist was held from behind, pulling him back to his seat. It was Junmyeon and his bright smile, a very bright one.

“If you need someone to talk to, you know that I’m here, Baek.”

“Ah, yeah, I know.”

“So can I text you tonight? It’s okay if you need some rest, I won’t bother you, but I just—“

“No, that’s fine, you can text me.” Baekhyun swore his smile grew wider if that was possible. He charmed another smile, slowly pulling his hand back and getting out of the car. Before he shut it closed, he peeped through the small of the opening. “So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, take care, Baek.”

Baekhyun watched the black car blending amongst the others when he realized that he just gave permission for Junmyeon to walk into his life, the one that had been constantly and patiently waiting for his heart to get ready, for his walls to finally give its way because he hadn’t been able to conquer it himself.

Kim Junmyeon was his manager in his workplace, the coordinator of his division that was supposed to supervise the whole team, not only focused on his petite figure and shy demeanor. Junmyeon had never been a blunt person when it came to love, but not before Baekhyun showed up on that day introducing himself to the other staff as the newly recruited teacher. He had tried his hardest not to be smitten by the small guy, but every time Baekhyun smiled, Junmyeon smiled too, as he slowly lost his coolness. Most of the staff could see him work really hard; he sometimes invited Baekhyun to have lunch, or quick small talks, or even a movie night. They kept pushing him to at least comply to one of his requests when he suddenly revealed that he had been in a static relationship with someone. News spread fast and Junmyeon stopped all his moves and started being professional as his boss. Almost two months ago, he initiated another lunch date and Baekhyun knew that all of them had known that his relationship had been over.

It had been, yes, but he never knew when his heart would.

Looking up at the board above his head, Baekhyun crinkled a smile. It was his favorite café, High and Dine, looking small among big shops in the town but being the coziest place he had ever been to. The two-door was always decorated as the season or the occasion it was –they adorned it with snowflakes and small bulbs when it was winter and patched pink hearts and love quotes all over it on Valentine’s Day. The inside of the café was dominated with light green and a touch of soft orange. The small tables and sofas look the most comfortable that you would want to spend hours there, looking outside at patrons passing by or snow falling with the loved ones. Still, the one that made Baekhyun always come back was the Hot Choco Spring, a chocolate drink that was best of the best spoiling his favor of chocolate.

He used to be a regular when he was still in his college years until his job had him spent. This was actually his first time after months of not stopping by, and the guy behind the counter noticed.

“Alone, Baek? Where’s that Chanyeol guy? The tall one? Your boyfriend?”

Yixing once told him that he was such a forgetful person but he happened to always remember his beloved couple that always ordered his least favored handmade, blueberry cheesecake. He also always gave them his best smile when they dropped by and helped them with their usual orders as soon as they took their favorite spot. Then Yixing would spend a few minutes with them, share some secrets going on with some of his regulars and give them love advice that always turned embarrassing. And Baekhyun had forgotten that the same Yixing worked here and of course would ask him about Chanyeol.

“Hmm, yeah, he cannot come with me today. He’s got lots of work to do.”

One of Yixing’s gifts beside making magic with his hands was reading people. And now he was reading Baekhyun as he avoided his gaze and looked behind his back instead, staring blankly at the stack of cups on the shelves. Baekhyun fidgeted on his feet when he felt those eyes began inspecting him, mouth opening and closing like he wanted to ask something serious. He got himself prepared to hear another question about his ex when he heard the usual question, but leaving out the drink order that was always Chanyeol’s.

“So, as usual, Baek? Medium hot choco with cream?”

“Yes, please. Thanks, Xing.”

“The cheesecake?”

“Ah, I don’t think so, I’m full already.”

“Okay, Baek, one Hot Choco Spring coming in!”

Baekhyun took a seat by the window at the very back, once in while glancing over at Yixing who kept peeking at him while serving the other customers. He could just ignore it if he wanted to, but he somehow needed to prepare himself for when Yixing came to his table and asked about his problems.

When a small girl with a green apron on placed his order on the table, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It hadn’t come across his mind that that name would appear on his notification when he fished it out, one new message from him would be read in one slide. Baekhyun mouthed the girl a small thank you before focusing back on the phone in his hand, feeling it throb as he tightened his grip. Just when his thumb touched the box of his name, it vibrated for the second time, two messages from Chanyeol.

Hi, Baek, how are you?
I miss you…

And the second message brought pain, and hope.

Chanyeol sometimes texted him, especially on the first days of his departure from his apartment. He asked about his job, his new place, most of the time stating that he was worried. Chanyeol also asked if they could meet sometime but they ended up canceling altogether because they didn’t have matched schedules. This always reminded Baekhyun that one of the reasons they broke up was the lack of time, and he blamed himself that night when Chanyeol pointed it out and said sorry. However, among those casual texts that they had exchanged so far, Chanyeol never mentioned his current feelings. And now he just did and Baekhyun didn’t know what to do but he felt the same. He couldn’t help it; he would appear as the worst liar if he said he had never felt it before. Because he always did, his heart always longed for the same person, his body always craved for the same name, even his brain always played all the memories with him. It had been six months after the break up, but Baekhyun could never imagine himself loving someone else other than him.

His reverie was cut short when a familiar figure came into the café, someone taller and unfamiliar following in tow. The first person looked just the same with his radiant smile and melodious voice even when he talked. His small figure trembled in laughter when he was whispered to, red hues freshly painting his cheeks. His laugh was contagious, his heart-shaped smile, too, when the other man beside him mirrored his actions while looking at him admiringly. When they walked to their seats at the front row, they held hands. Baekhyun never saw the taller man before. He was a handsome man with sun-kissed skin and a height which looked beautiful beside the smaller. His bangs were swept up and his style could match with any models on the bulletins. It was Kyungsoo and his boyfriend. And his boyfriend wasn’t Chanyeol. He was someone he never knew instead.

And in a moment he knew the reason why Chanyeol said he missed him. Although he wasn’t sure either, he knew it had something to do with Kyungsoo having someone else. Chanyeol might have missed him because he never liked being alone. His ex-boyfriend texting him that evening might be because Kyungsoo had just dumped him and he needed someone to listen to his pain.

Baekhyun looked away from the couple and erased his answer that he had written but hadn’t been sent. He left the café in a hurry, ignoring the calls from Yixing and a look of surprise from Kyungsoo as he passed his table. Baekhyun left that place with deep despair, left his text read but untouched. He dragged himself back with a realization that it had always been pain, never hope. Not anymore.

+++

Two even knocks on his door made his eyes trail across his room to a brown clock hanging above his flat TV. Baekhyun bent his chest forward a bit to take a better look at the clock, seeing that it was not even fifteen minutes before his last guest said goodbye. He swiped his hands on the rag over the sink after putting the last mug on the rack. His mother came this morning with chocolate bars and his favorite snacks, reasoning that her only son couldn’t really take care of himself and had never been able to live alone. In fact, his mother missed him that much, and so did he. He had offered himself to come home and stay for some days but his mother insisted to come herself. She stayed for two days, spoiling him with warm hugs and handmade food that tasted like old days, when he only lived with his mother and knew her alone.

In those two days he also broke down to his mother, finally letting out his outburst that he hadn’t been with Chanyeol for almost a year and his mother only smiled because she had known long before. Since he told her that he had to move to the other place because of work, she had a feeling that was not his only reason; that was why she had been giving him more attention than when he was still living together with Chanyeol.

The second series of knock pulled him back to the reality that his mother had just gone home and probably had left something in his room so she had to come back and now was waiting outside the door. His eyes once more swept around, trying to find his mother belongings, and strode towards the door when he found none. Baekhyun shrugged it off and opened the door, smile fading almost immediately when he saw nothing but a bouquet of white tulips and a familiar face of someone that had invaded his mind more than he should have these days.

Chanyeol was no different but painfully looked the same as he did the last time Baekhyun saw him. Five months ago, when Chanyeol brought him his last pieces of clothing from his cabinet, he still flashed him his best smiles, treated him as if they were still boyfriends and insisted to pay for lunch because it had been a while. And Baekhyun mostly only nodded and smiled, only once in a while threw him questions that came to his mind. That day Chanyeol might have looked happy but now he was visibly exhausted. Although Baekhyun saw a flash of relief and joy as soon as their eyes met, at the same time a blinding smile came to him. He was still as handsome as ever.

“Hi, Baek, everything good?”

It was awkward but his deep voice never failed to make him weak in the knees, to make him feel alive as something under his chest reacted. It bloomed.

“Fine, how are you?”

“Funny, this is the first time I feel good since the last time I saw you.”

Funny or not, it was what he felt too. Never once had his heart stopped beating erratically for the same person, and it would become steady once they met even for things that he had never expected before. There were many things he wanted to ask, he desired to know. But the bouquet before his eyes swayed him to take it as minutes had gone by with him stilled in his place, without words. Baekhyun glanced at the owner, lips stretched slightly at the smile and tired eyes looking at him in guilt. He quickly whipped his head down after reaching for the tulips and stepped back, pulling his door wider to let the other in.

Chanyeol took hesitant steps whilst looking around his small apartment. Baekhyun followed behind, putting the bouquet on the small shelf next to his TV. He was nervous, seeing this man in his own place which held nothing but a bed and a single chair and a study desk for him to type out materials or quizzes for his students. For a moment, Chanyeol seemed to fight himself where the best place to sit was before he swiftly took the chair and faced forward, next to the bed.

“Do you wanna drink?”

“You know what I like, Baek.”

Baekhyun knew, he still remembered. He never forgot that black coffee with lots of sugar was his favorite drink in his leisure times. Baekhyun still remembered everything about Chanyeol, even the fact that he was sometimes unpredictable but easily read when he was upset or nervous. It was not between those two, Baekhyun thought, since he looked relaxed and almost as usual. But he still could see that Chanyeol had something in his head, something he wanted to express but didn’t know the best way yet to.

Chanyeol mumbled a small thank you after he put a cup of brewing coffee on the desk, body bent a little but distanced to put away his laptop to the edge of his table. He didn’t want to admit that he was purposefully avoiding any body contact with his ex-boyfriend, but he couldn’t risk himself to break down and make everything right just by a single contact. He would let Chanyeol start first. And let himself give in what his heart wanted.

“I came here to say sorry, Baek.”

He hadn’t even touched his bed let alone found the best position to talk to the other but Chanyeol had started, breaking pretense to stay strong. He always was, and even stronger when he was with Chanyeol. But here he was talking about their mistake, their wrong pace that left them nothing but need for each other’s presence. Baekhyun always felt it, and he knew somehow Chanyeol did too. Even when he left him because of the other man, he was still the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he left because he never wanted to hurt him. Chanyeol never wanted to hurt Baekhyun that he had to leave.

“We were never together, Baek, me and Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol stopped, and Baekhyun stilled, trying to search for any trace of doubts or lies in the other’s eyes. He only found sincerity and almost drowned in them, once again.

“I never loved him, he never did either. I just want you to know that I was confused. I couldn’t think straight when he came back. I didn’t even expect he would come back but I was surprised and I didn’t do well on it. I mean I didn’t know how to react and I—I hurt you so bad. I know it was hurting you if I stayed so I left.”

Baekhyun now only saw guilt as he let himself drown in those orbs. They started to water but the tears never came. And Baekhyun would do anything to keep those tears in its place. If Chanyeol were to break down, he would do too. Then Chanyeol would make his way to him and place his head onto his stomach, one of many ways to make him calm down, to show him that he cared.

“I mistook my feelings for him and it was hurting you. But I never stopped.”

“What, Chanyeol?”

“Loving you, I never stopped.”

If those eyes were wavering and avoiding his eyes, now they pierced through him, asking for his declaration. Baekhyun exhaled a shaky breath, feeling nothing but small even in his own room. He really wanted to say it back, too, for he himself felt the same and it never changed. But something held it down as he needed to ensure everything. He was sure Chanyeol didn’t lie –he would never- but something that his mother said this morning got over him like a bell, reminding him that he couldn’t get himself trapped in the same situation.

“It’s true, Baek.” Chanyeol continued his words as if he could read his doubt.

“But you said you liked Kyungsoo.”

His voice stern and strong. He had to, even the words of love had been at the tip of his tongue. I believe you. I never stopped loving you, too.

“I was confused, Baek. It was really me being stupid and foolish because I couldn’t admit that those feelings were only admiration. I mean I admired him once and it came back when he was here but then I mistook it as another feeling it was not.”

“Why should I believe you?”

Chanyeol smiled like he had expected the question coming from him. He shifted a bit on his seat and Baekhyun knew it wasn’t comfortable there. He should’ve just ushered him to have his bed but he couldn’t or else he would want to seek warmth in the other’s arms, to find his love so that his heart could function again.

“I begged your mother, Baek. I asked for her forgiveness for hurting her only son and she only smiled and hugged me. She said not to do the same thing to you if you said yes for the second time. I was lucky, right? I’m still blessed by the mother of the love that I’ve hurt before.”

Baekhyun never saw that coming, neither had he expected that his mother’s constant messages and presence for these two days might have been because of him. It started around two weeks ago when she kept asking him questions, whether he was fine or not, sometimes reminding him to always be strong and dependent. Chanyeol might have been behind all of those, but he still didn’t know what to feel. He was supposed to scream at this man for playing with his heart so easily and making his life languished just by realizing that he wasn’t here anymore. He was supposed to claw at his face for showing up with the same admiration and love as he had six years ago and confessing his heart out that he still loved him, that it had never once changed. And he wasn’t supposed to sit here with the same man, listening to his claim and ready to take his heart back, his life. Yet here he was missing the man’s touch as Chanyeol carefully sat beside him, taking his left hand and putting that silver bracelet around his wrist.

“You left it on our bed, Baek. You cannot lose it, it’s still yours.” Chanyeol didn’t let go of his hand, he caressed it with his thumb instead. “You still have the softest hands in the world,” He smiled, lifting his right leg a bit to place it on the bed. He scooted closer and cradled his face, Baekhyun leaned into the touch. “You still have the most beautiful eyes.”

“No, I don’t believe you.”

His voice sounded so soft but Chanyeol caught it and he chuckled. He put down his hand but kept his other hand on his own. Baekhyun fought with himself not to pout at this. It felt like the old days and his heart had found its right place. It’s beating really fast but it was nothing but comforting. It really felt like home.

“You’re even the most beautiful person, Baek. It won’t change.”

“What about Kyungsoo?”

“What about him?”

Baekhyun saw nothing but confusion in the other’s eyes.

“What is he to you?”

“He’s only my best friend, Baek. And he’s now happy with Jongin.”

Now the memory of that day came to him. Kyungsoo was with someone he didn’t know and Baekhyun thought they had just separated and Chanyeol had sought for comfort in him. He thought that he would be the only one who couldn’t find anyone after Chanyeol while the other might have buried his name deep inside his heart that wasn’t his.

“Then what about me? What am I to you?”

“You are my home, my happiness, my sanity, my …” He trailed off a bit before going on, “My Baekhyun.”

“But you didn’t feel it when you said goodbye, Yeol. And I was hurting remember? We both were hurting.”

Chanyeol shook his head weakly and placed his hands on the smaller’s shoulders, grabbing them in a firm grip and tender fingers sent sparks of needs to hold them close around his, on top of his heart. Baekhyun momentarily lost his body warmth when he moved away to look him in the eyes. A soft whine almost lost itself out of his mouth if he didn’t reckon his mother’s saying. And Chanyeol would understand what made him confused like this.

“No, baby—no, Baek,” Chanyeol slipped the word that used to linger on his tongue to express his love, but he didn’t look sorry. “I’m not here to ask you to come back to me even if I want to.” Baekhyun’s expression fell at this but he knew what was best for him. They knew what would be the best for them.

“I’m here to prove to you that I can’t be without you.”

That was what Baekhyun felt towards him, but he kept mum.

“I’m here to ask for your forgiveness for what I’ve done to you.”

Baekhyun heard a small sniff but he wasn’t sure where it came from. Their eyes met once more after Chanyeol turned his head a bit to keep his eyes from watering, and Baekhyun could see the sadness was soon replaced by utter happiness. Chanyeol might be at fault, but it was him to conclude things so fast that Baekhyun didn’t give enough chance for him to get away from his confusion. He might have felt the real misery of being left alone but Chanyeol wasn’t better.

“I’m sorry too, Yeol… It was very selfish of me for putting an end to us without giving it a chance. We could easily find some time and talk about what you went through but I didn’t do it. I mean I didn’t know what you did outside—“

“I did nothing. No. Never.”

“—with Kyungsoo.”

“Never, Baek.” Chanyeol continued, “We were only best friends and never more but I guess I got attached to him because I sometimes had to stay in his place. I had dinner, I showered, I had some clothes there but please don’t think that we’ve been more than that.”

Chanyeol tightened his hold on his shoulder, eyes searching for his face that somehow doubted him for a second, because at some point, Baekhyun had thought of something inappropriate when Kyungsoo once told him that Chanyeol was taking a bath at an ungodly hour.

“It’s always been you and I don’t think it would change.”

All the burdens heaving his small body dissipated the moment Baekhyun finally gave him a genuine smile, one which reached his eyes, one that was framed in the other’s eyes. Chanyeol looked hesitant for a short while; eyes swiftly scanning his whole face and stopping a little while at his lips but soon locking their eyes imminently. Nobody said anything when they leaned forward and pulled each other into their arms. Baekhyun sighed dreamily as the familiar scent of home rushed into his body. He buried his head into the crook of Chanyeol’s neck and that was why he couldn’t let go.

It was Chanyeol who pushed Baekhyun off slightly, looking down at him before he said, “I was a fool for letting you go but let’s start again?”

“Let’s start again.”

+++

Baekhyun and Chanyeol started from the beginning again. They tried to mend their relationship as friends, just like they were before. Although it was obvious that they still had those feelings towards each other, they were kept inside, not hidden, but that was the best. Baekhyun first thought they would begin everything awkwardly since it was the first time in a year they became close. But what he had obtained was more than the emotions from those unforgettable days when he started receiving greetings and gifts from the other. It felt like going back to where they were committed to each other, promising the other love sealed with a chaste kiss against skin.

It did feel like it but they weren’t anything anymore. Baekhyun held it deep within him so he could stay sane, but how could he deny it when Chanyeol was what made him love in the first place? How could he keep himself away when Chanyeol was there and picking his heart which never really broke and healed itself when he was trying to forgive? How could he not smile when Chanyeol was always the man of his words, when he was everything that he had promised him, to prove that he was the one, his only source of what one man could feel. How could he not feel again when it never faded and had always longed for the same name that made him the happiest person in his whole life?

At first, Baekhyun was at his best concealing his feelings when he told himself not to become too attached to Chanyeol as the latter was doing everything he could to win his trust and his heart. He didn’t need to, though, when it was only him who had ever owned his whole heart. Still, Chanyeol was trying his best to pick him up from work, take him to their favorite places and share all his stories at work. If he couldn’t manage a meeting, he would pay a visit or two in a week and spend their time in Baekhyun’s small apartment.

Chanyeol told him everything during their night talks. About his leave and visit to his home, about Yoora who had found her love who turned out to be her best friend in primary school, about his dad. He also never missed telling him his own condition when Baekhyun left. He had felt hurt and stupid for doing it and Baekhyun couldn’t stop himself from jerking away, giving Chanyeol a hard look and giving himself in when Chanyeol chanted sorry in his sleep. Chanyeol sometimes left him wrapped in his blanket with a note before leaving, and it happened twice when the taller left a kiss on his forehead, and once when he held him close until the morning where his smile was what greeted him first thing as he blinked awake. Baekhyun kept telling himself that this wasn’t something friends did, but Chanyeol was never a mere friend when he had had him since the beginning. And when Chanyeol said he was serious with his feelings, Baekhyun admitted that his never once changed, too.

Chanyeol also had asked him for a date, and finally got a yes on the third attempt. It was not a surprise when Chanyeol took him to their favorite café on Saturday night. Yixing greeted them cheerfully but his eyes were questioning. They didn’t need to order when the Chinese man pushed them both to their usual place, lips pulling up in a teasing manner towards the smaller of the two. Baekhyun wished he could make everything clear to Yixing that Chanyeol was not his boyfriend anymore but it was such a difficult task when he didn’t buy it (or pretended not to see him) as he kept shaking his head while pointing to Chanyeol’s back. Yixing gave them an extra chocolate cake with a big heart on top, mouthing “I’ll be waiting for the invitation” instead.

He almost forgot about Junmyeon when he came to the teacher’s room during break one day. Baekhyun had prepared words in his head to turn down his invitation when he got a single rose and a happy cheer for him. He tilted his head and nearly jumped in his seat when Junmyeon flashed him a splitting grin saying that he was happy for him. “You never looked this happy before but you smile a lot when you’re with him, Baek. Umm, you new boyfriend, right? He deserves to have you if he makes you happy.”

Baekhyun felt excited more than anything, a little bit nervous and jittery on a bench in the usual park waiting for Chanyeol. They were about to have another date after four months of being friends and Baekhyun was nothing but a red mess when Chanyeol told him to wait in their favorite place for an evening stroll because he wanted to say something. He didn’t explain further of his intention but his voice sounded like a song, a smile apparent in his laugh when he said he would take Baekhyun on a special date. The smaller then complied, his heart bursting at his merry yes over the phone.

It was almost the end of spring when people crowded the park, especially in the evening. Tracing his eyes over its vastness, Baekhyun bowed at people passing by with a huge smile that seemingly stayed longer than it had than in the last few months. There was a little boy holding hands with a slightly taller girl, waving his hand at him and tugging her hand enthusiastically. The girl stopped abruptly and followed his line of sight and gasped inaudibly when her eyes met Baekhyuns’. Her face scowled at her brother for a moment before bringing her body down to bow, pulling her waving brother by his shoulder. Baekhyun chuckled at them and bowed slightly, waving at them until they turned around to continue with their walk while swaying their hands. They both had the same happiness glowing on their faces and Baekhyun knew his expression radiated the same as he laughed at their hair bounced along with every step.

Even though the park was full of people laughing and enjoying their time, no one was sitting beside him. Baekhyun internally joked, tzhat the place next to him was for Chanyeol when he came. The thought that followed the next minute was the place next to him was always meant to be for Chanyeol and he couldn’t think of anyone else. His train of thoughts was disturbed when he felt a vibration inside his pocket. Baekhyun fished his phone out with a blooming smile when a familiar name flashed across the screen. His smile fell and his heart cried. It felt like deja vu when he was rejected in the same place a year ago. He couldn’t even express his confusion as to why Chanyeol was calling him when he was supposed to be here to fulfill his promise just now. He didn’t realize that his hand was shaking and his thumb hovered over the green button when it stopped vibrating. He held his breath when the second call came in.

“Chanyeol…” He whispered his name shakily. He missed him already. He needed him here even though he could sense what was coming. He heard a deep exhale in his ears and felt like crying.

“Baek... I’m really sorry, Baby.”

The last time Chanyeol called him baby was months ago – when he let it slip- and he could feel shivers seeping in. It was not comforting, though, because what he said was a plea. Baekhyun knew he was going be have another sad story.

“What happened, Yeol?” His hand gripped his phone too hard that it turned white. His voice almost sounded broken but he paid no heed.

“Dad collapsed this morning and mom brought him to the hospital. When I got there, he was asking for his hometown. Now we’re going there. I panicked and didn’t text you.”

He knew where Gyeongju was, far away from his place, from their homes. Baekhyun choked a sob, putting a hand over his mouth. He had to stay strong. “It’s okay, Yeol. You’ll come back and make it up to me?”

The other chuckled, albeit shakily. “Of course, I’ll be back and meet you and hug you and kiss you and—do you forgive me?”

Even without being asked, the answer was always yes.

“Yes, Yeol, you know I always will.” When a tear slid down, Baekhyun pulled out a smile. “You should take care of your dad first, yeah? Come back fast and tell me what you wanted to tell me. And of course those things that you want to do…please do.” He laughed when Chanyeol did. They were on the phone, but Baekhyun knew Chanyeol was crying.

“Will you wait for me?”

“I will. I’ll be waiting. You don’t need to ask, Yeol.”

He had every yes to every question Chanyeol had for him and this was number one. He had cried for him, dreamed of his face, whispered his name in his sleep and waited for his presence, even for his single hellos on texts. He had waited for a year and he could wait more. Months, years, his whole life, he would. And this was not something big because he left him for his dad. And he would come back.

“Thank you, Baek. I love you.”

Baekhyun didn’t expect that, nor was he expecting to find the same wave of tickling inside his tummy. Those butterflies had arisen and made a melody for his ears.

“I never stopped. I told you before but, yeah, it’s the truth.” Even his voice alone brought soothing warmth like no other could, and always would.

“Just come back fast, Yeol.”

“Promise me you’ll be there when I come back?” Baekhyun nodded his head even though the other couldn’t see him now. He believed he would come back to him because Chanyeol only wanted to carry his duty as a son to look after his father. And he admired his dedication to his family. It was also one of the reasons why he had fallen in love with him. He prioritized his family, and Baekhyun would always wish for a place. So he wasn’t worried this time. If Chanyeol said he would come back, he would.

“I promise you I’m not leaving you anymore, Baek.”

.

.

.

Baekhyun lets out a small moan when he feels a hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake. Then a familiar voice calling his name, sounding so close to his ear, pulsing in his head. He has been constantly listening to the same voice but he’s not sure what this is because this time it’s clearer and softer. The hand is still there but now cupping his face and there is a calloused thumb swiping the small of the corner of his eye.

“Hey, baby, wake up.”

He knows very well who owns this voice, deep and soothing but sometimes manages to bring shivers down his spine.

The hand now slightly pats his cheek and it brings him to open his eyes, blinking them several times before focusing on the sight of a face hovering above him. The man is standing beside the couch he’s sleeping on, having bent down to get his attention. His lips stretch open when Baekhyun’s eyes finally land upon him as he lets out another groan while running his hand on the head. It pulses slightly because of the amount of sleep that he just had. Now Baekhyun remembers, he is in his new house and just moved in the boxes before falling asleep. No, he is now in their house which he just bought for them.

When their eyes meet once more, the other smiles even wider. He motions Baekhyun to get up and move to the side as he brings him up to his sitting position, a cream blanket pools just above his thighs. The man chuckles heartily, taking the space beside him, pulling his legs over his. Baekhyun blinks his eyes for some a little longer when he feels the stare from the figure beside him. He turns his head to the other and laughs along with him while the taller reached out to ruffle his hair. Baekhyun finally finds his consciousness and smiles when the other holds his hand. It feels warm.

“Chanyeol, how long did I sleep?” Baekhyun croaks as he folds his feet on the sofa, knees touching the side of the other’s thigh. He’s sure he has gone long enough. The last thing he remembers is falling asleep without a blanket and a frame clutched in one hand. He can’t feel the box between his legs that was there before drifting off into a series of dreams; his memories with the same man sitting beside him. His memories with his husband.

“Maybe around three…four hours? Didn’t count and didn’t have the heart to wake you. You looked so peaceful once I found you here. And I brought a blanket from the last box because you were shivering.”

“Four hours is a lot!” Baekhyun whispers but his face looks shocked. This makes Chanyeol blow another laugh, hand squeezing the smaller one a little hard until the owner huffs his way.

“It’s okay, baby, I’ve unpacked some things for you. No worries, we’ll do the rest together.”

Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol before sweeping his eyes around the room, realizing that the very empty bedroom now feels alive with photos on the small table and clothes littering the bed. Chanyeol must have been working on the clothes, hanging them one by one and putting them away based on the colors before waking him up. The wardrobe is halfway open, too, and some boxes are still neatly stacked at the corner of the room. One big frame hanging on the wall is what pulls his pout away, a bright smile replacing it instead. It is a picture of them on their wedding day, the most beautiful amongst the ones he has framed but in smaller sizes. They both are wearing similar black suits, holding hands, faces glowing and smiles radiating. Baekhyun’s smile mirrors his own in the picture before the same voice interrupts the moment of that day.

“You wanted to put it in the bedroom, right? What about our gift from Kyungsoo? Living room?”

Chanyeol points out a slightly smaller frame leaning on the bedpost. It was a sketch of their faces, one of the bigger gifts they received as wedding gifts. On the bottom of the picture was their wedding date, December the 3rd, 2016, a week after Chanyeol turned twenty seven. They were supposed to hold the wedding on Chanyeol’s birthday but the place they had always wished for was occupied on that day.

“Living room, yes, up to you, babe. Thank you for helping me this much.” He grins at his husband, getting a small peck on the lips.

Chanyeol steals a kiss one more time before answering, “You complained that you were tired in the car so I let you sleep.” His face slightly changes when he continues, face leaning closer. “But no sleep for you tonight, I want to try out our new bed. I wonder if it’s strong enough or—“

Baekhyun bursts out in laughter, finger ghosting over Chanyeol’s forehead before flicking him. “Aren’t you tired, Yeol? We still have many things to do and it’ll take until late. We can try it out tomorrow.” He decided to play along and laughs even more seeing a stupid grin on Chanyeol’s face.

“Anything for my husband.”

The taller coos at him as he circles his arms around his husband, bringing the smaller onto his lap. Baekhyun’s legs automatically trap his waist around them, pulling his own body flushed against his husband’s front, his warmth. He puts his palms on Chanyeol’s chest as the other sighs, resting his hand on top of his. Pulling his hand up to his mouth, he kisses his ring. Baekhyun smiles, trailing his other hand to Chanyeol’s hair.

“So what made you wake me up? Is it because I was already taking so long?” Baekhyun twirls his forefinger around Chanyeol’s strands.

“You were crying, baby, what happened?”

Chanyeol hasn’t changed a bit. When he is worried he can never suppress the look even with a single smile. Baekhyun knows he’s worried but he doesn’t want him to think about his dreams, ones that made him cry with a thought that Chanyeol never came back. But he did, and he fulfilled his promise. Baekhyun always thinks that it is impossible for him to fall in love every day, but he does, seeing his husband worrying over nothing.

“Nothing, Yeol, I love you.”

Without waiting for Chanyeol’s response, he places his lips on the others’. They start with an innocent kiss but Baekhyun follows his instinct when a hand trails down his hip and stops there, giving a knowing knead when their tongues meet. It is definitely freezing outside but Baekhyun doesn’t mind, not when he feels care and love in every kiss Chanyeol delivers to his skin, hot and open he squirms on the other’s lap. Once their eyes meet, Baekhyun’s breath hitches, and Chanyeol’s lips curl and spread so beautifully. Baekhyun laughs when the other gives him another peck, now gently on his forehead and moves to his nose.

It is the warmth radiating through his body that he finds when he tightens his arms, head buried in Chanyeol’s neck. It is Chanyeol’s gentle stroke that almost lulls him to sleep as he takes deep intake of his natural scent and it is really comforting. It is his biggest dream and has been the only one when he thinks he could spend the rest of his life loving and taking care of Chanyeol. It is love, and he is sure Chanyeol feels the same.

Baekhyun once lost Chanyeol but it was one in their written destiny before it brought them together.

Baekhyun once lost Chanyeol but it was not forever. Their love is forever.

Baekhyun once let go but not this time. He never wants to let go.

“Love you more, Baek.”

---E N D---

Baekhyun was settled once more on a park bench that evening.

The text said Chanyeol was coming back today and he had something for him. He had something to talk about and it had been long awaited.

Baekhyun didn’t think he would wait for the third time in the same place and for the same person.

But he did. He had waited forever and didn’t mind waiting for some more time.

Because it was worth it.

Because when Chanyeol finally came to him, he brought him into his arms, kissing him deep under the red sunset, pouring all of his yearning through his embrace.

And when Chanyeol pulled back and fished out a small box, Baekhyun knew he had done the right thing.

“Hi, Baby, I’m sorry for everything but my heart loves you so much, it always hopes you could understand me wholly. I’m sorry for making you wait but I promise this would be the last time. You’re the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with and the most beautiful person I want to give my heart to. I want to love you forever, Baekhyun, so please let me. You’ve been my best friend and my boyfriend and I want you to be my family and my home I can go back to. So, marry me?”

Baekhyun wanted to say the same things but he only said yes, many times, even when his eyes were wet and his lips quivered. Even when he was kissed once again, even when Chanyeol put a ring on his finger.

It was beautiful but nothing could ever beat Chanyeol’s smile only for him.

It was in the same park on his birthday and Baekhyun had fireworks in his eyes.

When they went home together, their hands clasped and their rings touched.

a/n: So this is the real end! The very last event is just the proposal when Chanyeol came back and fulfilled his promise. It is not written as part of the events in the past because Baekhyun’s dream stops when Chanyeol didn’t show up for the nth time. Dream? Yes dream. So the ChanBaek’s first meeting when they were kids to their canceled date after the break up are just series of important events in Baekhyun’s dream! And Chanbaek became husbands in the end, yay!!!

Thanks for reading~ hope you liked it!

Anyway, the song quoted when Chanyeol confessed to Baekhyun is David Archuleta’s Crush!