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Getting to Levi’s home was always a hassle. The loud blares of car horns punctuating her father’s curses, she cringed as time moved ever so slowly. Pressing her cheek against the passenger window, she silently watched the bustling scenery roll past. There was massive foot traffic today given that it was the weekend. Girls wearing pretty dresses were talking and laughing in groups, heading to the shopping malls to check out the newest sales.
She didn’t hold the same interests as most girls but she would be lying if she said she didn’t envy hanging out with a girl group. Like the three young teenagers who were just crossing the street, they seemed so carefree and happy. As if no one in the world could tell them what to do. Of course, she was sure that wasn’t totally true but she sometimes felt like a caged bird, one who was only taught how to say certain words and do nothing else.
But such was life. One just couldn’t have everything, that would be too greedy… wouldn’t it? Musing to herself, she almost didn’t realize that they had reached her destination. Her father’s face was already as dark as a thundercloud, having navigated through the many red lights and weekend crowd. Snapping her seatbelt off, she slung her bag over her shoulders and reached for the door handle.
“Hey, I’ll fetch you in two hours, okay? Don’t be late. You know how hard it is to get a parking spot here.” Her father waved at the busy crowd in front, his eyebrows creasing in annoyance.
She gave a sharp nod. “Yeah. See you, dad.”
“See you. And study hard!’
Rolling her eyes, she got out of the car and ran towards the tall apartment building. It wasn’t like she was slacking off and playing, she grumbled as she walked towards the lift. Jamming her finger down on the up button, she counted the seconds before the doors opened with a loud ding.
She entered the lift only to wince at the new red markings that someone had scribbled on its walls. Every time she came here, there would be something new to see. She hit the button for floor 5 as the doors closed. Thankfully, there weren’t any puddles of unidentified liquid on the floor of the lift. The last time, she had accidentally stepped in one and she didn’t want to repeat the same mistake.
With a loud screech, the lift came to a shuddering stop. The doors opened to a long hallway and she stepped out, heading towards the apartment at the end. Music blared from open doors and occasionally she caught sight of some topless old men who didn’t bother wearing a singlet in the sweltering heat.
Reaching the final apartment, she pressed the doorbell. As the three notes faded into silence, the door opened to reveal a middle-aged lady, her hair tied into a messy bun. The flimsy apron tied around her waist was full of stains, obviously caused by the toddler that rested snugly in the crook of her arm.
“Hi Mrs. Ackerman.”
Levi’s mother smiled wearily. “(F/N), do come in.”
She took off her shoes at the doorstep and entered the small apartment. In contrast to her own home, the furnishing was dull and only had the bare necessities. As she padded down the living room, Levi’s two other siblings barely looked at her before resuming their small squabble.
“Eren, Jean, stop it!” Mrs. Ackerman rebuked, the stern look on her face immediately silencing the two young boys. She turned towards (F/N), her frown instantly turning to a smile once again. “I’ll bring orange juice to you two in just a few minutes. Levi’s waiting for you in his room.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Ackerman.” Bowing her head, she continued down the hallway and knocked on the first door to the left.
Without waiting, she twisted the doorknob and entered Levi’s bedroom. Two double-decker beds stood opposite each other, crowding the small space. In the middle, a simple table served as a study space, its surface covered with books and notes. Leaning back in his chair, her best friend of fourteen years threw her a bored glance.
“Yo,” she greeted him first. “Remind me again why we couldn’t do this over at my place instead.”
“I had to help Mum at the hawker stall earlier,” he replied, watching her as she tossed her bag on one of the beds. “You look like shit. Still stuck on Physics?”
Wincing, she pulled out her file from the bag and placed it on the table. “Yeah, can’t seem to get the right answer according to the textbook solution.”
She rolled out the additional chair from under the table and took a seat. Looking over at his paper, she snorted. “Looks like you’re still stuck on that essay.”
Clicking his tongue, Levi tapped his pen on the paper repeatedly. “I have all the points already. If I could write this essay in mathematical logic instead, I would be done hours ago.”
“Yeah right. I could finish that essay for you in 30 minutes.” She flipped through the past year papers she had brought over, finding the page where she had gotten stuck. “But who cares about English.”
He stared at her, lifting one of his eyebrows. “What’s wrong?”
Knowing that he had caught on to her bad mood, she sighed in resignation. “You know that career sheet we did last week?” She stuck out her thumb, adding, “By the way, is this supposed to be perpendicular or parallel?”
He held out a palm and closed it, indicating the direction of the force. “Yeah. And?”
“My parents saw that I wrote down writer as a career choice. So it did not go down well,” she said as she scribbled down the rest of the working. Pointing to the next question, she asked, “Am I forgetting something here?”
Levi looked down and after scrutinizing her answer, hit her on the back of her head. “You forgot to include frictional force.”
“Damn.”
“I told you to draw a diagram for these types of questions.”
Reluctantly following his instructions, she continued, “So there was tons of fighting. Me and dad, dad and mum, dad and mum and me. Finally, they said I would be allowed to pursue what I want only if I earn the school’s scholarship to Sina University. Otherwise, they’ll force me to take up the family business.”
Just saying it out loud made her blood boil at how ridiculous it sounded. She scoffed. “Getting the school scholarship means being the top of our batch and I don’t think I can topple you from your spot. Why can’t they see that I’m serious about writing??”
Her voice getting louder with vehemence, she continued, “I don’t get why they don’t just directly fund my college education in the major that I want. It’s not like they can’t. Why force me to go through this roundabout way??”
So focused was she in her rant that she didn’t notice the tense silence that filled the space between her and Levi. Her eyes still on the paper in front of her, she gritted her teeth. “I’m so mad at them that I was thinking of dropping out of school just to spite them.”
Levi’s voice was incredulous. “What the hell, (F/N)?”
“I mean can’t I be free to do what I want-”
“You’re just a selfish brat, aren’t you.”
His cold words stunned her into silence. She turned to look at him, her eyes wide. “Wha-“
“Have you any idea how lucky you already are? What’s so bad about continuing your family business?” Levi snapped, his grey eyes glinting. “You don’t have any burdens, you don’t even need to do anything except take over the reins from your dad. You have it so much better than other people who are poor and have family to support. And you still dare to talk about giving up school?”
What was meant to be just an angry vent of hers had blown up in her face and she couldn’t even formulate a proper rebuttal. “I… I just-“ she stuttered, the words dying on her lips as she struggled to reply.
He clicked his tongue, his hands clenching into a fist as his gaze bore into hers. “I thought you were different from those lazy ass rich kids who take everything for granted. But you’re not that much different, are you?”
Her eyes growing wetter at each stinging word of his, she cupped a hand to her mouth to stop her lips from trembling. She didn’t know which was worse – Levi berating her, her careless words disappointing him, or…. him being right. Unable to bear his stormy glare silently rebuking her, she quickly turned away. With trembling fingers, she shoved her papers into the file and got up. Her eyes downcast, she grabbed her bag and ran out.
Mumbling a small goodbye to Mrs Ackerman, she left the apartment with a broken heart. She had lost her best friend and she was the only one to blame for it. No amount of money could buy that back.
Lying on her back, she covered her eyes with an arm. Her body ached, her head throbbed, and her heart was crushed. The final exam results sheet lay crumpled on her table, along with an attached piece of paper, its first few words being “We apologize..”
Everyone should be contented now – her parents, Levi… everyone but her. She had ruminated long and hard about it and come to the conclusion that it was the right thing to do. Everything Levi had said hit home. She knew how much his family had gone through, how much Levi had struggled to help his single mother to bring in enough dough to feed their family of five. He was not just a son or an elder brother, he was their future. The burden he bore on his shoulders was so large for someone so young.
She did not deserve to take away the scholarship from him. Her reasons were selfish and so very insignificant. Her problems were hers alone and it was something that should be resolved with her parents. Granted that was a large mountain to surmount.
It’s not like she didn’t understand where they were coming from. Being the only child, they wanted the best for her, whether it be in terms of material, education, or in this case – her future. They just didn’t see a writer as a stable career option. Which was why they offered that deal – for her to show them by getting the scholarship that her resolution was firm. Because to her, being able to touch people’s lives and bring them into a different world of her own creation… that was the most amazing thing in the world. Doing business like her parents just wasn’t what she liked. It brought in money, yes. But it was cold, methodical, ruthless. She could not bear doing something like that for the rest of her life.
Although of course, they didn’t understand. Her father had already brought her to his office building an hour ago, walking her through all the different departments and briefing her about the business. She had gone through the motions, putting on the most professional air that she could muster. But once she reached home, her energy just dissipated into thin air. Was this to be her life from now on?
“(F/N)!” She heard her mother call from downstairs. “Levi’s here.”
Her eyes shot wide open, the arm falling away. She barely pushed herself up from the bed when the door opened and Levi entered.
“Hey,” he said, his expression bland as always.
She looked away. “I didn’t say you could enter.”
“You didn’t say I couldn’t either.”
Having no answer to that, she sighed. Her head still bowed, she snuck a glance at him. He had made himself comfortable, pulling her large ergonomic chair out and sitting in it with his arms crossed. His grey eyes stared at her and she immediately shifted her gaze back to the bedsheets.
“Look, Levi,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for what I said the other day. I honestly didn’t mean it… but you were right about me being selfish.”
She exhaled shakily. “I didn’t think about how you would feel. I should have known how much it meant to you and your family. You need it more than me.”
A soft “Tch” punctuated the end of her sentence and she jerked her head towards Levi.
“What are you talking about. It’s not like you can beat me anyway,” he said, a smirk on his face.
Irritated by his lackadaisical attitude after she had just poured her heart out, she glared at him. “Hey, my Science score was better than you this time alright?! It was so difficult for me to hold back on English… You don’t know how hard it was to write a subpar essay on purpose okay!”
“Uh huh and you didn’t wonder why my Science score was this bad, did you? I guess you didn’t hear me swearing during the exam when I erased my correct answers,” he retorted.
Raising an eyebrow, she opened her mouth to ask him more but he only held up a finger to silence her.
“I came here not because I wanted an apology or anything. I brought this.” He reached into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out a folded piece of paper. “Read it.”
Taking it cautiously from his outstretched hand, she eyed him before unfolding it and smoothing out the creases. As she read through the letter, her eyes widened in shock. “H-how did you do this?”
“Using my excellent skills at logic, of course.”
Re-reading the letter, she repeated the words to herself “…glad to offer Ms (F/N) (L/N) a scholarship..” She didn’t need to pinch herself to know it wasn’t a dream but she only had one question. Staring at him over the paper, her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. “B-but how?”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Just… you know. The simple fact that we both shared the same aggregate and that a scholarship for your chosen major wouldn’t cost them that much. And then I used the argumentative skills you taught me to weave my words properly.”
All this time, she thought she was helping him by purposely getting a lower score in her strongest subject. Yet he was the one who ended up surprising her once again. Still in shock, she lifted her hand to her head, steadying herself as the words swam in front of her eyes.
“Oh my…. God. I… I don’t know what to say,” she mumbled.
“A thank you?” He grinned as he got up from the chair. “Well, I guess you get to be a writer like what you always wanted. Anyway I got to go. Mum’s waiting for me.”
Before he could make to move, a sudden force drove into him, and Levi let out a soft grunt. Her arms closed around his waist as she pressed her face into his old faded T-shirt. “Thank you, Levi.”
Her sincere words of gratitude brought forth a light chuckle from Levi. Pulling away slightly, she beamed up at him, her eyes glistening. Was she happy because of the scholarship or because their fourteen years’ worth of friendship stood the test of time? It didn’t matter which actually.
His lips curving upwards into a gentle smile, he lightly thumbed her chin. Looking into those grey irises of his, she was mesmerized by its intensity; as if it was pulling her towards him. His gaze shifting downwards, she noticed the dilation in his pupils and the slight parting of his lips.
Realizing what his focus was on, she blushed a beet red, her head jerking away from his touch. Her arms fell to her side and she shuffled a half step backwards. Fidgeting, she bit her lips, keeping her gaze on Levi. He coughed in embarrassment, looking away as he did.
A tinge of color dusting his cheeks, he held his arm up and patted her head awkwardly. “Anyway umm.. see you in university, brat.”
She swallowed down the laugh that tickled her throat. Four years in university together… this was going to be fun. Because who knows, it might not just be friendship anymore.