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Kageyama Tobio did not get jealous. He didn't. He couldn't even tell you the meaning of the word. Well, that's how it had been for as long as he could remember, until now as he looked out of the gym window to see Hinata standing with a girl.
She was pretty, a second year, long dark hair with a fringe and bright green eyes, pale skin, a slim physique. Kageyama was sure he'd heard a few of the other team members talking about her before.
The team was at the window too, Nishinoya and Tanaka practically trying to become one with the glass, their faces pushed against it roughly.
Kageyama glared. It was pretty obvious what was going on. A confession.
The pang in his chest was a foreign feeling, the feeling shooting to his stomach and making it turn. Why on earth was he feeling like that? Kageyama settled on the idea that it was because he was concerned his teammates concentration on volleyball would lessen now he would have a girl on his mind, that was the obvious answer. He repeated that phrase over and over in his head like a mantra for the rest of practice.
-
Kageyama was becoming increasingly concerned for his mental state. It turned out that Hinata had actually turned the girl down, something along the lines of “I have to concentrate on my studies” his excuse, much to the distaste of Nishinoya and Tanaka.
That should've put the feeling of… concern out of his mind. Right?
But it didn't, not in the slightest. In fact it came came back ten fold every time he saw Hinata even conversing with another girl. Or guy, he corrected himself. The feeling was sickening, he was tired of it. That's when he decided to talk to a professional.
-
Apparently, according to the school nurse, no, he wasn't going insane nor experiencing some form of brain damage. He was jealous. Kageyama decided she had to go and get a new degree.
It was as he was leaving the office that Suga had saw him. He smiled and walked over, waving a hello. When he caught sight of Kageyama’s face he stopped smiling. A comforting hand was put on his shoulder, “Kageyama? Are you alright?”
Kageyama supposed that he might as well see if he could get a better reaction from Suga, he was understanding enough. He was very wrong. Kageyama stared at him with a blank expression as Suga puffed his cheeks out, a pitiful attempt to quiet his laughter. He even had the audacity to wipe his eyes.
“I'm sorry, Kageyama. But you genuinely look confused!” Kageyama's stoic face didn't change.
“I am.” Suga’s eyes widened slightly and then his laughter stopped completely, a look of guilt and sheepishness replaced the smile that once was.
“I really need advice, Suga. I don't know what it is.” Suga nodded, “Tell me again what you feel like.” So he did. In detail, just so he could get a proper analysis. All the while, Suga nodded, his fingers at his chin. After the very long retelling of what Kageyama felt, Suga just smiled.
“This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I’m sure that you're just jealous.” Kageyama nodded and then sighed. This wasn't helpful at all.
“But why?” Suga searched his face for a few seconds. A silence overcame the two as Suga tried to think of what to say. Kageyama was clearly oblivious.
“Well,” Suga started, “you said that it only really happened when you saw Hinata talking with other people right? That aren't in the team?” Kageyama nodded. “Are you maybe jealous that Hinata's talking to them instead of you?”
Kageyama thought about it. No, it hadn't been like that before, it couldn't be that. Besides, if that was the case it would be with everyone, right? “I don't think so.”
Suga took a breath. “When did you say this started?” Kageyama looked at the floor. “After the second year confessed to him.”
Suga’s eyes suddenly lit up, widening slightly. A look of realization on his features. “Kageyama, are you jealous that Hinata might get into a relationship?” Kageyama almost choked on his spit. “W-what?!” He stuttered out.
No way, nowaynowaynoway. Definitely not, why would he? Hinata could fall in love if he wanted to. Kageyama’s hand suddenly reached to his stomach, his eyes widening. There was the feeling again. Suga seemed to notice. “Kageyama, do you like Hinata?”
Kageyama was seriously contemplating how fast he could turn and jump out the window behind him. That was physically impossible. The more he thought about it though, the more it started to make sense. His lingering gazes, his need want to be near Hinata, his constant thoughts of him. These thoughts then lead to visuals. Kageyama kissing Hinata, holding his hands, pushing him up against the wall and- He cut himself off.
He liked Hinata.
-
Suga had sworn his secrecy, although Kageyama was sure that Daichi would soon be in on the gossip. Kageyama wasn't sure if he was glad or not that he knew what his feelings were. Now he couldn't concentrate at all. His game had been slipping and the team had been noticing it, too. More than once, Hinata has been all up in his face questioning him about what was wrong with him and why he couldn't set properly. Kageyama decided to leave out the details that it was because his eyes were constantly trained on the sliver of skin between Hinata's shorts and knee pads.
It was also painfully obvious that Suga was observing him, Kageyama could almost feel his eyes burning into the back of his head. Finally, practice finished and Kageyama slid down the wall. He wiped his sweat away and drunk from his water bottle. He seriously had to sort himself out or he'd be kicked off the team.
His eyes slipped close and he leaned his head backwards against the wall. Someone sat next to him. Suga.
They sat in silence for a bit until Suga spoke up. “Kageyama, maybe it would be best if you spoke to Hinata. Then your game would be back on,” Suga turned and smiled at him, “You wouldn't have to stress after that.”
Kageyama observed Suga for a minute before turning his head back to stare straight ahead. “I don't think I can do that.” He looked down and fiddled with the bottle in his hands, “I'm going to ruin everything if I do.” Suga put a comforting hand on his shoulder, just like before. “Of course you won't!”
Kageyama just didn't seem to listen. “Do you want me to tell you a secret?” He nodded slowly. “Ok, well a few months ago, I felt the same way as you did... about Daichi.” Kageyama's head snapped up. “But, I decided to just go for it and tell him. And do you know what?” Kageyama looked at him urging him on, “He said yes.” Suga finished with a smile. He stood and stretched his arms up, “Anyway, that's just something to think about. I'm gonna go now, I'll see you tomorrow, Kageyama.”
With that, Suga picked up his bag, turned heel and left, leaving Kageyama alone on the gym floor, a new feeling of determination filling him up.
He hadn't realised he was squeezing his water bottle until the lid pinged off and it spilled all over his lap.
-
Today was the day. A day of happiness or complete disaster. Kageyama was betting on the latter, but he had to try and stay positive. He decided to wait until practice was over and walk home with Hinata.
Hinata had looked surprised, “You're walking home with me? We haven't in a while…” he trails off as he unlocked his bike from the bike rack he'd attached it to. He rolled it next to himself as they walked down the street.
The pair walked in relative silence, Kageyama was surprised. Usually Hinata wouldn't shut up, he was normally the quiet one who let Hinata ramble.
Hinata eventually broke the silence, “Hey, Kageyama?” He hummed in response, “Can I ask you something?” Instead of answering Kageyama turned to look down at him, Hinata was frowning slightly, a crease between his brows.
“Why have you been distracted? You've been ignoring me too.” Kageyama's eyes widened slightly, had he been ignoring Hinata? Was that what he meant when he said they hadn't walked home in a while? Thinking back he had. He'd been distant and Hinata was probably worried he'd done something wrong. ‘Dumbass’.
“I’m not distracted. I've just been trying to study.” Hinata stared at him, his eyes wide. “You have! And study for what exactly? Exams aren't for months!” Kageyama couldn't deal with this now.
“Look, Hinata. I'm fine, nothing’s wrong. I'm just thinking about some stuff.”
Hinata seemed exasperated.
“Why can't you just talk to me, Kageyama?” Despite knowing he meant well, Kageyama was getting increasingly frustrated, he emotions a band getting pulled tighter, and tighter and tighter. He couldn't just tell him. That was embarrassing and stupid.
“Because this isn't something I want to talk to you about!” He'd done it now. He'd raised his voice. Kageyama wanted to punch himself.
“Why not? Do you not trust me? Am I not supportive enough? What is it kageyama?,” Hinata's voice broke halfway through his sentence and he stopped walking to turn and face Kageyama. “Tell me why.”
Kageyama felt the band snap.
“Because it's about you, Dumbass!”
Shit. That was an accident.
Kageyama turned on his heel and stormed down the street, his knuckles white from holding onto his bag strap too tight.
“I knew it! What did I do?!” The sound of Hinata's feet started up again as he chased after Kageyama. “You've been weird with me for weeks now!”
Kageyama sighed, “Not now Hinata.”
A hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down to face him, the normal sunshine was glaring hard, the crease between his brows deepening further. “I'm sorry, I don't know what I did but I'm sorry.”
Kageyama felt a pang of guilt. It wasn't something that Hinata had done, it was all because Kageyama couldn't keep his emotions in check. He was selfish and destroying everything before it could even have a chance to start. This wasn't fair on Hinata, he'd just have to suck it up and prepare for all of his pride to go down the drain.
“It's not something you did, it’s just me.”
Hinata looked at him questioningly, his head cocked to the side. “What?”
“I-,” he glanced to the side. ‘Come on, there's nothing to lose now.’ “I was… j-jealous.” He mumbled. The word was difficult to pass his lips and he had to fight to keep a blush off of his face. He was failing miserably as he felt the heat begin to pool in the apples of his cheeks and spread down his neck.
“Jealous? Of what, exactly?”
‘Deep breaths, deep breaths.’
Kageyama braced himself, his eyes darting everywhere except Hinata. His hand was tightening more and more on his strap, he could feel it digging into the soft flesh of his palm.
“Of you talking to that girl.”
Hinata's face was a mixture of emotions. Confused, recollection, realization. “The one who confessed?” Kageyama nodded.
“Why?”
Kageyama nearly slapped him. How could someone be so dense?! It was obvious, wasn't it? The band of frustration had snapped again.
“Because I like you, idiot! You've been distracting me!”
His hand came up to his mouth, his face even redder than before. Kageyama decided this was the worst thing that's ever happened to him, never before had he been so embarrassed. Maybe, by some miracle, he would be struck by lightning, or he would spontaneously combust into dust and flakes of shame. Why couldn't he just control his mouth?
He still hadn't looked at Hinata. Deciding to grow a pair, he glanced at his face. Kageyama nearly fell over. Hinata's face was flushed, almost as much as his own, his eyes wide and staring.
“Y-you do?” Kageyama breathed out through his nose. “Yes.”
Hinata looked down at the ground and then shifted his feet. “I like you, too.” That was how Kageyama nearly died for the third time that day. This time by choking on his own saliva. “What?!”
Hinata blushed again. “I thought maybe you'd figured it out and you hated me now.” This was unbelievable, after all that panic, it turned out Hinata liked him back. Kageyama didn't know wether to laugh or throttle Hinata.
“Dumbass.”
A silence overtook them, the awkwardness heavy. Hinata looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't know how, he kept nervously shifting and tapping his fingers.
Kageyama was silent for another reason. He was trying to bite his tongue from saying something else embarrassing like, ‘Hinata I really want to kiss you.’ Which he nearly did. It hasn't his fault that Hinata's blush and shy eyes were making Kageyama turn to mush.
Finally, Hinata spoke.
“Kageyama, can I kiss you?”
It was as though God was on his side today. Kageyama didn't think he'd moved so fast in his life, not for volleyball, not for chasing the milk man, not for anything. Except getting to kiss Hinata.
He surged forward and grabbed onto Hinata's face gently. He took a step closer and leaned down until their foreheads were touching. Kageyama could count the very pale freckles on Hinata's cheeks, or the exact number of eyelashes that lined his eyelids. But, that was for another time. All he could focus on now was how warm Hinata's breath was as it blew softly onto his face.
Kageyama waited until Hinata gave a slight nod of his head before he let his eyes slip shut and closed the gap.
Books and TV shows made kissing seem like fireworks erupted in the sky, and the very ground you stood on shook beneath you. But, what Kageyama felt was better than all that, more real.
From the first press of lips, Kageyama felt a sudden warmth wrap around him, like coming home after the cold, or drinking hot chocolate during the winter. It was comforting and safe and warm and Kageyama wanted more. The butterflies in his stomach were relentless with their fluttering, he thought that surely, at any time, he would vomit and the moment would be ruined. His heart was beating hard against his rib cage.
Leisurely, and slowly, Kageyama parted his lips and moved them gently against Hinata's, a soft noise of contentment falling past Hinata's soft lips. Kageyama noted the smell of Hinata's shampoo, citrusy yet sweet and the smell of his cologne mixed with his sweat from practice, just so...Hinata. He noted the taste of the fruit juice Hinata had drunk after practice and the feel of his hands on his cheeks.
Finally, Kageyama took note of the warmth of another body. Not just anybody, but Hinata's. The person whom he'd realized he had a crush on, the person who's been by his side from the start of their first year, the person who made him a better person. Kageyama loved him.
He preferred thinking of kissing this way than the stupid romance novels his mum would read.
Gently they pulled away. Not too far, the cold would get them if they did. Instead the hovered closely in front of each other.
“You're beautiful.” The words tumbled from Kageyama's mouth before he could stop them but he found that he didn't care. He didn't care that he was being out of character, he didn't care he was being mushy and his normal mean and scary personality had just melted to a puddle on the floor. He didn't care because he was with Hinata, and Hinata brought out parts of him he didn't know were there.
Hinata blushed at the compliment and brushed his hair back finally taking a step backwards from Kageyama. “That was nice.” Hinata's voice sounded calm and peaceful, dreamy even. It was entrancing. “Does this make us boyfriends now?” Kageyama blushed again and turned to continue walking, his normal façade back in place. “If you want us to be, sure.”
Hinata said nothing else but ran up behind Kageyama's retreating back and grabbed his hand. For the first time in a while, Kageyama smiled a true smile.
God, he was so uncool.