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People always assumed it was the actual event that rocked him. That tortured him and made him unable to function. Sure, the actual event played in his mind on a routine basis. It haunted his dreams and would enter in and out of his mind throughout the day. The memory never left his mind. It was the days that followed, that’s where the real pain was. That’s what kept him awake and catatonic all at the same time.
***three weeks ago***
The skidding of the tires, metal to metal impact, the squealing of the engine and the smell of burnt rubber and gasoline. The shouts and cries that rang through his ears, and the baby….the cries of terror from a newborn in the vehicle beside them. The light shining off of the hood had blinded Josh and jabbed at his ever-growing headache. He lifted his head from the steering wheel to see fresh scarlet liquid staining the wheel’s texture. Airbags. The airbags didn’t go off. Why didn’t the damn airbags go off? Josh squinted as the pain in his head pulsed. It hurt to keep his eyes open. His vision was blurred with one eye becoming increasingly difficult to see out of. He looked to his right and in that moment, his heart raced and panic filled his chest.
***two days ago***
There were so many damn casseroles and trays of food sitting around once the company finally all left. He heard sobs through the walls. He wanted to go in there and comfort her but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything but stare around the empty home. He was standing in the middle of the living room and absolutely could not move in any direction. This wasn’t real. This, right now, couldn’t be real. He fell to his knees painfully and dropped further to his hands. He heard a door open through his sobs that came uncontrollably.
Get up
***three weeks ago***
“Get up, come on,” a voice sounded through Tyler’s daze. “Tyler, get up, please. Please, wake up.” Josh. That was Josh and that other noise was...a baby? “Are you awake? Tyler.” He forced his eyelids to open. The shut against him. He tried again a few more times until he was able to force them to do what he demanded. The pain in his head and chest came into his mind first. He felt as though his ribs had be hit by a hammer and his head had gone through a window. Wait...did it? He lifted his head and looked to his right. The passenger window was cracked and blood was smeared and dripping on the transparent surface, making the woman in the car next to them look as though she was in some low-budget horror flick. “Tyler, are you okay?” He turned his head back around to Josh and past him to the car on the other side. A man was at the wheel looking as though he was having trouble breathing. In front of them was the cinderblock of the interstate. Traffic was passing at normal speed going south in front of them. “Tyler, you with me,” Josh asked. He turned his gaze back to his best friend and nodded. Josh was bleeding from the top of his head, though it looked like it was slowing down. His left eye was swelling at a rapid pace and had turned black and purple all around it.
“Josh,” Tyler said, slightly panicked as he realized what happened. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said and nodded. The crying kept going and going. Tyler turned his gaze back to the woman. She still wasn’t awake and was against the steering wheel. Her arm was dangling and moving ever so slightly with every small breath her unconscious body took. In the backseat was the top of a car seat, but he could see the baby inside; just heard the screams and cries. There was smoke emerging from the woman’s SUV. “Hey, Tyler. Are you okay?” Why did he keep asking him that. He was conscious, wasn’t he. He wasn’t in too much pain anywhere, of course that could just be the adrenaline. Smoke was filling the inside of the woman vehicle and flames emerged from the bent hood.
“Josh,” Tyler started. He unbuckled his seatbelt with shaky hands. “We need to get them out.”
***two days ago***
“Hey, get up off the floor,” his mom’s soft voice sounded through the quiet room. He felt her kneel next to him. “You gotta get up, sweetie.” She began rubbing his back gently. “Come on, let’s get you to bed and I’ll bring you some water, baby.” He nodded and felt her hand grab his shoulder to help pull him up off of the floor. She walked him back into the guest bedroom across from the sobbing. He still heard her and he still wanted to comfort her but he still couldn’t. There was no way he could make her situation any better. Not when he was like this.
***three weeks ago***
“We need to get them out,” Tyler said as he attempted to open the door. He tried several more times and began beating his body into it. It wouldn’t budge. Josh began trying his own door and with enough tries, his opened. Tyler didn’t notice as he put his fist through the passenger window. It’s integrity wasn’t much at that point, so it seemed relatively easy for Tyler. “Help me get them, then we can talk sense into that other guy,” Tyler ordered and the was climbing out of his window. Josh squeezed through the small space offered as he pressed the door against the other man’s car as much as he could. He felt woozy and for a moment felt as though he might topple over. He didn’t and finally gained some stability with his legs. He ran around the back of the car and noticed Tyler pulling the baby out of the SUV through the broken window. Tyler held him gently and called Josh over. The smoke stung Josh’s eyes as he moved toward Tyler. “Take him,” Tyler said and handed Josh the baby who was still crying and had a cut on his cheek, presumably from the glass. “Then tell that guy in the other car to get on the get away from the wreckage.” Josh nodded, then paused.
“What about,” he paused to cough, “-you?”
“I gotta wake her up. Now go,” he ordered. He nodded and with that, went to the other vehicle and trying to protect the baby’s face from the smoke.
He ran to the other vehicle’s driver side and knocked on the window. The bearded man looked as though he was having a panic attack. He didn’t even hear the knock at first. Josh knocked louder. “Hey, sir can you hear me?” The man jumped and stared up at Josh in shock. The man, for some reason, rolled down his window and stared up at him. “Get out of your car and come with me. Now.” The man nodded and opened the door as Josh took a step back to give him space. He waved the man to follow. Josh lead the man over to the other shoulder of the interstate. “Sit down against that,” Josh pointed at the cement border. “And just breathe, okay. You’re going to be fine, you just need to relax.” The man sat down and nodded. Josh looked back at the wreckage, the flames had become more savage and the smoke was thicker. He could see Tyler from here. He should be meeting them by now. Josh began to panic and held it in. He turned to the man in shock, “Can you take him?” The man stared up at Josh confused. “The baby,” Josh clarified. “The baby, can you hold him?” The man nodded and offered his hands. Josh handed him the fragile infant gently. Josh stood back up and began running toward the SUV.
***yesterday***
He hadn’t gotten out of bed since the day before to change out of his dress clothes he’d worn for the funeral and into his sweats and t-shirt. The muffled sobs from the other room had been off and on since yesterday. He still couldn’t go to her. His body hurt, especially his back from the accident. More than that, he simply had no will, nor motivation, to ever leave that bed again. He made a truce with life, maybe it was a compromise; if he couldn’t go with his best friend, then he wasn’t getting out of this bed. He would stay alive but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.
***three weeks ago***
“Josh,” Tyler yelled. Almost like magic, Josh came around to him. Tyler’s eyes had been stinging so much for so long he could hardly see out of them. He’d pulled his shirt over his nose and mouth but was still coughing nonetheless. The door wouldn’t open no matter what he’d attempted, nor did the woman regain consciousness. She was alive, though, that was all that mattered, but the car didn’t have much time. “I can’t get her seatbelt off, do you have your pocket knife?” He watched Josh feel his pockets and then pulled it out, handing it to Tyler. Tyler took it and went at the seat belt as fast as he could. “Alright, help me pull her out,” he said to Josh. He put his arms under her armpits and yanked her up out of the seat and through where the window had once been. At a certain point, Josh grabbed her legs and they began hauling her to safety. Tyler could barely carry her as his limbs grew weaker with every cough.
***yesterday***
It was a knocking at his door that woke him up. His eyes flutter open and stared at the fan above him until another knock came. “Honey, it’s mom. I’m just here to check on you sweetie. You awake?” He didn’t say anything. If she wanted to come in, she could. The door wasn’t locked, it never was. She didn’t, though and only a few moments after he began hearing the door across from his open. Heard the muffled sobbing become slightly less muffled. Then a muffled voice comforting the sobbing. He should be doing that, not his mother. He should be that comfort, but he couldn’t. He just lay there, feeling his own tears form and release down his unshaven face.
***three weeks ago***
Josh was leading with the woman’s legs in his arms. He’d begun coughing but not as bad as Tyler was. Josh was wondering how Tyler was still on his feet. That’s when it happened, seemingly in slow motion. There was this sudden loud noise from the SUV and somehow both Josh and Tyler were shoved to the asphalt. Josh fell on his back and his face was hit by a wave of heat and felt a stinging in his arm. The air seemed to be sucked out of him and replaced with smoke. He felt his chest heave rapidly and began a coughing fit. He spit onto the road and rolled over to see Tyler’s body over the woman’s, protecting her from the blast. Josh got to his elbow and stayed that way for a moment until he realized something. Tyler wasn’t coughing anymore and he didn’t see his body move in any way that indicated he was breathing. “Tyler,” he called in between coughs. He moved toward his friend and pulled at his shoulder to roll him over on his back. Tyler’s eyes were shut and blood not only oozed from the gash on his head but began dripping from his ears and nose. “Ty,” I said, shaking him lightly. “Ty, come on, wake up.” Josh put his fingers to Tyler’s neck. He thought he felt something; didn’t he? He put his ear above Tyler’s mouth, he wasn’t breathing. Josh heard sirens grow louder and louder, but that didn’t matter. His friend wasn’t breathing. He pushed on Tyler’s chest, “Come on, man, breathe. Please, Tyler, that’s all you gotta do for me, just breathe.” A man in a white button down, black pants and a badge dropped on the other side of Tyler. He was putting on gloves and asked Josh to give them some room. Josh backed off slowly and observed them working on his friend. They’d put a mask over his face and began pressing on his chest. Something on their little machine must of said something to indicate that they could stop and then the loaded him onto the gurney. Josh watched them wheel Tyler to the ambulance and he began to follow until two firemen stopped him. “I have to go, my friend, he’s my friend,” Josh started.
“We have to take you in a different ambulance, I promise you be at the same hospital,” one of them said. “We have to take care of you, too.” Josh turned and looked over and the woman they’d carried was being loaded onto a gurney of her own. She was still unconscious and also had an oxygen mask on her face, though she seemed at least have a heart beat. The got her into an ambulance moments later. After that, it was Josh’s turn. The oxygen mask helped him breathe without coughing, though at first it caused it to be worse, but after a couple fits, it was no longer that bad. They had him sit in his own gurney and buckled him in. The door shut and he stared out the back windows and the wreckage and the man and the baby getting ready for transport of their own. He didn’t have time to be thankful that they were okay or that the woman at least had a heart beat. All he could think about was Tyler. About them pounding on his chest to get him to breath. Something about smoke inhalation and then one of them had said something about severe head trauma. All Josh could do was hope and pray that Tyler would make it.
***two weeks ago***
“I’m afraid there’s nothing more we can do. I’m afraid the swelling’s too much with the already existing head trauma. We’ve had to come to difficult terms as doctors here,” the doctor explained. It was everything Josh could do to stay standing in this moment, more than that, it was everything he could do to hold Tyler’s mom. “I’m sorry but your son is clinically brain dead Mrs. Joseph and I’m afraid he’s not going to change. The only thing keeping your son alive right now, unfortunately are the machines. His body, including his heart and kidneys have given out. They’re no longer functioning.” The doctor’s face was solemn and his eyes were tired.
The doctor had given them their own room and left to give them space. “We--we’re going to-to have to tel--tell Jenna,” Mrs. Joseph sobbed. Jenna had gone to the house to get some things for Mrs. Joseph. She would be on her way back by now.
“I’ll tell her,” Josh said quietly. She looked up and him for a moment and then planted her head in his chest. She kept sobbing uncontrollably and he kept comforting her. He didn’t know how much longer he could do this. He wanted so much to just break down with her, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. She needed him, so he was going to be there.
***three weeks and thirty minutes ago***
“Dude, we both know that out of ‘64 games, there’s no way you could beat me at Kart,” Tyler said in his cocky tone.
“Yeah, sure when you get the blue shell of death every single time I get ahead with pure skill,” Josh retorted.
“Pfft, please,” Tyler breathed. “Only reason you get ahead without using any power ups is because Jenna wiping my face with her foot.”
“Sure.” Josh said, simply. After a moment’s pause he decided the car was too silent. “You gonna ask her any time soon?”
“Yeah, man,” he said with a smile. “I just need it to be right. It needs to be perfect for her because she deserves it.” He always lit up like this when she was even mentioned. Josh was glad for that. Especially since he’d decided to move to the other side of the country, he wanted to make sure his friend would be happy.
***two weeks ago***
Jenna walked into the room with a confused look on her face. Mrs. Joseph had fallen asleep on the arm of the couch. “Hey, Josh, why’d they put us in here,” she asked worried. How the hell was he going to tell her this. Just how was he going to explain that they had decided to pull the plug on Tyler but were waiting for her to be here? Somehow, the words came out of his mouth, slowly and with a tremble in his voice that signified just how hard he was trying not to cry. Jenna’s tears flowed down her face. “Please, no. Please tell me this is a sick joke, Josh. Just tell me this isn’t real. Please,” she plead through tears. Josh held her as she sobbed, letting out screams of frustration in between. How much longer could he do this? He didn’t know the answer to that but he had to be here for her now.
***today***
People always assumed it was the actual event that rocked him. That tortured him and made him unable to function. Sure, the actual event played in his mind on a routine basis. It haunted his dreams and would enter in and out of his mind throughout the day. The memory never left his mind. It was the days the followed, that’s where the real pain was. That’s what kept him awake and catatonic all at the same time. Jenna’s sobbing continued. Josh removed his covers, opened the door and walked into her room. She was kneeling beside the bed, a cross and a picture of Tyler side by side in front of her. Josh kneeled beside her and wrapped her in a hug. He didn’t know how much more he could do this, but he’d do it until he couldn’t, again. He needed to be here for her, so that’s what he was going to do.