Work Text:
December 8th.
Tyler was feeling low. He always had his bad days and today was one of them.
He and Josh just finished a tour so he was back to struggling with things to do at home. It felt lonely. He only had Jenna around him for the days, not a tour bus full of buzzing crew that just had their coffee fix.
Every day back in Columbus now was like a bad day. The touring life to Tyler at least, was addictive, like drugs. Once you get hooked, you can't stop and when you stop, you feel like something is wrong. Something is missing. You can't live without it.
He just wanted to play music again.
He missed the highs and vibes and the rush of adrenaline he got when he sang to crowds of thousands.
He missed Josh and the crew.
He didn't like the silence. To many, it was calm but to Tyler it only meant trouble and havoc. Blurry could come back. The whole album he had created was to show Blurryface and highlight it's defeat near the end of the era. It was supposed to be over. This was just an arising opportunity for his demons to poke some fun. Josh wouldn't be around to help him and Tyler didn't want to burden his problems on Jenna.
He knew this was a bad idea.
His depression would come back to hurt him again. It would hurt him bad. He could become suicidal again. He would have to wear the rubber band again. Tyler didn't want that. He didn't want scars that his fans could see. He didn't want the same question in his mind everyday- should I kill myself?
Jenna knew something was up. Just by looking at him and studying the man all day, something was wrong with his usual, cheesy personality.
"You've been quiet all day Ty. Is everything okay?" Questioned Jenna. "Please don't tell me you leaked another song."
"No." Tyler answered.
"Is this about the end of the tour?"
Tyler sat there zoned out on the plush beige sofa that took up most of the lounge. His black hoodie hung loosely over him and his hood was up, a shadow covering the features of his face.
Jenna sighed.
"I'll take that as a yes then. Is there anything I can do to help? We could see if Josh wants to video call you. He should still be awake if he's in LA." Offered Jenna.
"No. I'll look needy if I do that." Tyler retorted.
"Tyler, hon. Remember what J said to you? He said you can contact him any time you need his support or attention. He understands you struggle with your mental health sometimes and he wants to help you. We realise it is under control now, but that doesn't mean it's gone away. You will have your bad days. You won't look needy. You just need someone other than me to talk to for a while." Jenna said as she grabbed her laptop off the arm of the sofa and started to tap in a password. "Come on, I'll get the laptop started up and-"
"-NO! Leave me in peace! I don't want to speak to Josh. I'll be fine. Just leave me alone." Tyler yelled as he snatched the laptop off Jenna and placed it aggressively on the coffee table.
"Ty, hon. Come on, don't be like this. Is Blurry back? Is he making you say these things?"
"No." Whispered Tyler.
"Then what?"
"I-I just feel depressed. The end of the tour leaves me with a lack of things to do. I want to play music to people and I don't have that. I have nothing to keep me focused and grounded. The next tour starts in a few months and most of the recording for new songs has been done. Helping my dad out with basketball coaching and events gets tedious and boring after a few weeks and Josh is all the way over in fucking Los Angeles. Ohio is a piece of shit."
"Tyler. Look. I understand now. It is going to be hard for a while but maybe we can take that as an advantage and use it as a time to recover. You saw how Mark and Brad were when we last saw them and they could definitely do with some rest. You could probably do with some peace in your life for a while too without all this travelling and touring every night. It's not forever and maybe Josh will come round to Columbus for a few days and you could catch up then. He'll want to see his mom and dad I bet but I'm sure he will want to visit you again and you can show him your grand piano and play some Mario kart together. Ohio isn't rubbish, Tyler, you're just too used to having more going on in your life and we gotta kind of zone that down for right now." Jenna said.
"..." Hot tears ran from Tyler's eyes.
"Oh, Tyler. Don't cry. We can find something. The house has a basement, remember, so you can play your ukulele or whatever down there. I can listen to you if you want or we can see if we can get your siblings and parents to come and listen. It would be something."
"No. It won't be t-the same, Jen. I can't perform properly without Josh. I'll look rubbish." Tyler sobbed.
"I know but Columbus ain't that big and we gotta give you a break. You can't tour everyday forever and Josh has his own life too. He chose to live in LA. Plus you aren't rubbish. Look me in the eyes and tell me you are rubbish because if I recall correctly, you are the one who helped get your songs on the chart, you are the one who has a lot of fans and YOU are the one who many look up to in a way." Jenna said.
"I-I just miss it all. I miss Brad and Josh and Mark and the big venues and the crowds and fans. I miss touring with other people and waking up to Taco Bell every morning at a truck stop. It was fun. I didn't feel depressed because people who were my friends were around me."
"Tyler, I miss it too when I toured with you for a few weeks at a time. It was nice but we have to remember where home is and we have to give people breaks from each other."
"Y-yeah. I guess so." Tyler whispered.
"Hey, it's getting late. We should get to bed, Ty. Tomorrow we can go to the shops and look around, yeah? I gotta get looking for presents and stuff for the family and maybe we can pick out Josh a present. I know you got him those drumsticks you saw in that shop in Paris, but we could get him something nice to go with it. Maybe something from the guitar center or the music shop at the mall. We could go buy a tree and decorate the house tomorrow too since we haven't done that yet either. It's getting pretty close to Christmas and I feel like we need to be in the mood for it."
"Yeah. S-sorry for being an idiot. We can do whatever suits you best, Jen."
"Oh, Ty. Don't be sorry and don't beat yourself up over this. We all have our days when we feel vulnerable. I just wish you would accept that but you find that part hard." Jenna sympathised with a sigh.
"Yeah, me too."
"Come on, before we end up sleeping down here and I don't think that's really an option. These chairs may be comfortable but not enough."
"Y-yeah."
Jenna got up off the sofa and helped her husband up. The two went off to their room to sleep.
|-/
11:24pm. December 8th.
Tyler woke up. He woke up panting, his heart was pounding. Sweat trickled off his forehead.
He had a nightmare.
Demons were playing tricks on him again.
He looked over to Jenna who was asleep. The brown-haired man slid off the double bed and sat at the end of his side.
What to do...
I can't get back to sleep yet. I'm missing something.
he made his way to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. He glanced in the mirror. He looked like a mess. Jenna wasn't kidding when she said he needed a good-nights sleep for once. He drained the water and walked back to their room. Jenna was still sleeping so she must've been properly knocked out, all those missed hours of sleep finally catching up on her.
I need to get out of here. For a while. I just can't cope. I need some air.
Tyler slid on some jeans he had lying around and switched his tank top for a clean shirt out of his closet. He fetched his hoodie from earlier and slid it on. He grabbed a pair of socks and his ukulele he kept at home off his desk before planting a kiss to Jenna's cheek.
"I won't be long. Promise. I just need some time to think properly. Don't worry about me, Jen."
Tyler made his way out, softly closing the door to their bedroom as he left and walked downstairs. He put on his socks and grabbed his combat boots from the hall before putting them on and tying them up. He picked up his coat and put it on. He wandered down to the front door. Just as he was about to leave, he caught a glimpse of the coat hooks. On his was his scarf. A red scarf to match his beanie he always wore at shows. Jenna had bought it for him as a birthday present. Knowing his wife would kill him if he went outside in the cold without something to keep his neck warm, he took his scarf and loosely wrapped it around him. He unlocked the door and crept out...
Tyler wandered down the concrete path to their house. A blanket of white snow covered the area. Trees sparkled with frost and snow while iced over puddles shone in the streetlight. His feet crunched on the crisp snow as he stepped.
Then it occurred to him.
He didn't know where he was going.
Where should I go? Left heads down to the main part of the city and right takes you to the basketball courts and fancy villas.
He took one bold choice and started walking left. The sidewalk was slippery because of the snow that had melted during the day. A snowstorm was predicted overnight and the snowfall got heavier. Streets and alleyways were dark with only the flickering streetlight to illumine the path. Cars brushed past the streets now and then but the place was quiet. Only the chirping of birds out late for the night could be heard.
Tyler followed the signs down to the heart of the city where all the shops were. He wasn't too much of an alcoholic so he didn't know what else to do apart from wander around rather than drown his problems with cheap ale at a bar. Jenna would probably divorce him if he went home reeking of alcohol at such a time anyway. He didn't care. He just wanted this unwanted and unknown feeling gone. The brunette started to shiver. As much as a thermal coat and scarf would keep you insulated from the worst, Ohio weather was hitting its worse on Columbus. Temperatures had plummeted to minus levels in days. Tyler rubbed his hands and took a shaky breath. He started to walk quicker. If he didn't, he'd have hypothermia by the time he got somewhere.
As the singer approached the main area of the city, he wandered around. Shops were shut for the day and all were open were bars, nightclubs and restaurants but he couldn't camp there. It would be too loud in restaurants, nightclubs were a no-no after that one time when the whole crew went once and he already had decided no to alcohol. It was getting late and Tyler had already been out for 45 minutes. His feet were numb and he was chilled to the bone. Just as he was about to turn back, he noticed a familiar building. Lights flashed and a big sign that read 'Karaoke and Bar' leapt out to him. Curious, he wandered over the place. It then clicked in his brain. Tyler realised why he knew this place. He had been there before once with Josh and Mark. It was Mark's birthday not long ago and he badly wanted to do some karaoke for some reason. Josh just watched but Tyler sang a few songs and Mark tried at one of his favourites. Tyler grinned. He was on good terms with the owner so maybe he could chat to him. Maybe Chris would be there. After quitting the band, Chris decided to go work at the karaoke place downtown.
Tyler gripped the metal handle and opened the door..
The first thing Tyler noticed when he walked in was how loud it was. Music boomed from a nearby room and warmth hit him and the brunette relaxed at the heat. He walked up to the desk. Just as Tyler expected, Chris was there busy, typing away at some document on his computer. Tyler coughed slightly to get his attention.
"Hello? Can I help you?" Chris said monotonously as he clicked at keys.
"Uh, hi." Tyler whispered.
Chris looked up, intrigued by the familiar sounding voice and the weird reply. His stern face relaxed when he realised who it was.
"Oh! Tyler! My man! How ya doin!" Chris cheered.
"Not that great." Tyler sighed.
Chris's face twisted into a confused state.
"What's up? What's killin' the dream for ya, mate?" Questioned Chris.
"Just finished a tour and all. It's stressful trying to get back into normal life for a while. You realise you have nearly nothing to do and yeah."
"Ah, I see. Tough times. Is Josh drumming good as always?"
"Yeah." Tyler said.
"He could beat me in a drumming contest anyday. I'm just glad I found him for you and that you made the decision to continue with the band."
"Same here."
"Now before I go off conversation anymore, what can I do for you?" Chris asked.
"I just needed some time away from the house so I wandered down here and found this place again."
"Ah, you ran into this dump. You wanna sing, I guess?"
"Y-yeah but I know you have to book 'n stuff so I'm fine watching." Tyler said.
"Nonsense! You can sing here whenever you want, Tyler. Here I'll just go check things with the boss."
Chris walked into the office next door. The faint mumble of chatter echoed from the doorway. Chris and a tall, man with tattoos who seemed to be the owner walked out.
"Hey, Tyler. Chris told me you came down here and stopped by."
"Yeah, Nice to see you again, Pete."
"Same here. Good to see ya. Sneaking out for a while? Cool. Well anyway, you're lucky tonight isn't overbooked so we should be able to fit you in in the schedule at some point. Ah, someone dropped out earlier on so you could take their space which happens to be in 15 minutes and the last slot before we have a ten minute break." Pete said.
"That seems perfect. I can pay if you want."
"No no no, you're fine, Tyler. You've helped me out before so just take this as me paying you back. You're a loyal acquaintance of mine and a good friend of Chris's so honestly, don't bother. I'll just slip the bill on Chris's pay check instead." Pete laughed
"Hey! I heard that you know! Don't you dare! You said I could get a raise this week!" Chris complained.
"Just kidding, if anything, Tyler's awesome singing might attract my customers to come back again."
"Thanks, Pete." Tyler said.
"No problem Ty. You're welcome here anytime for free. Now just go pick a song and I'll see you on the stage in 15 minutes."
"Okay."
Pete walked back to his office while Chris pulled out a yellow form from a paper pile and a pen from his desk.
"Here's the slip. You should know what to fill because of last time." Chris said.
"Thank you, Chris."
"No problem. You singing with the ukulele tonight?"
"Maybe. Depends on what I choose I guess. What song should I pick?" Asked Tyler.
"I don't know. Anything you're particularly good at singing or enjoy singing?"
"Nothing seems to be hitting me at the moment."
"Hmm." Chris thought. "Oh wait! Tyler! I know what! You should totally do one of your own songs! I know it sounds cheesy and a rubbish idea, but it would be funny and ironic as fuck!"
"Language!" Pete yelled from his office.
"Sorry, boss. But seriously, Tyler! If you can't think of anything you should do one of your own songs. You're the best person who could sing them and it would be funny seeing if any of the people noticed that you are the actual person who wrote these songs."
"Very true. I think I'll take that into consideration. Which one should I do though? I'm thinking one from Blurryface because it's more mainstream and more people are familiar with them but which one?"
"I'd maybe do Stressed out because it is one of your most popular songs, same goes with Heathens but maybe something that's in between and a little different. Something our audience should like and know but at the same time, isn't too overplayed and different from your mainstream classics, like maybe Heavydirtysoul or Tear in my heart. I'll leave the rest to you but that's my thoughts on it." Chris suggested.
"Thanks for the advice, Chris."
Tyler grabbed the pen and wrote his name, and of course the band. Twenty One Pilots. He pondered for a minute before scribbling down his choice.
Ride
The brunette handed the slip back to Chris.
"Ah, good choice, man. I'll go put you on the system and notify the staff. You'll perform in five minutes. Looking forward to it, man."
"Thanks, Chris."
"Do you want me to look after anything like your ukulele? It's pretty hot in there so you're best taking your coat off unless you are planning of fainting." Asked Chris.
"Um sure. Ride isn't that great with the ukulele so I can trust you to look after it. You can take my jacket too."
Tyler slid off his coat and handed his belongings to Chris.
"Cool, I'll go put these in the office for you. When you want to leave, come get me or Pete and we'll get them for ya."
"Thanks, man. I owe you one." Thanked Tyler.
"Good talking to you, Tyler. I'll come and watch your performance."
Tyler walked to the doors that led into the main karaoke room. He pushed the doors and the mellow voice of a woman singing was heard. Chattering echoed quietly and the faint smell of alcohol lingered in the air. Well, it was a karaoke bar. He noted where the doors were and noticed a bar and some liquor bottles. Tyler took a seat by the door and waited for his turn.
The woman finished performing and one of the staff took her place with a microphone, to introduce the next person.
"Good evening ladies and gentleman, we have got a new entry for the karaoke tonight after this next person. After that will be a ten minute break. The next person up is Tyrone. Everyone, please welcome Tyrone with his song, Penny Lane by The Beatles."
A man in his late twenties who looked to be Tyrone, walked up to the stage and took the mic. Some of what seemed to be his friends laughed and cheered for him. Tyrone just shook his head with shame and embarrassment and music from the jukebox behind him started to play. He joined in, his singing slightly off-key but nevertheless pretty good. People joined in with the classic music and before Tyler knew it, the song was just about finished. The same member of staff took to the stage again as Tyrone walked off and announced the next person.
"Please welcome our next entrant tonight, Tyler Joseph who will be singing Ride, by Twenty One Pilots."
People clapped and Tyler anxiously walked up the steps to the stage and claimed the microphone from the member of staff. He stood by the middle of the stage. He knew he shouldn't feel scared about it, he's sung to millions before. But it all felt surreal. It reminded him of all the times he used to play in people's basements with Josh to earn extra cash and hopefully promote their band. It reminded him of memories of playing in front of 12 people or less. The same concoction of feelings- anxiousness, nervousness, excitement bubbled inside of him like when he first played in front of a live audience.
The all familiar tune started to play and Tyler introduced the song.
"Hey guys, I'm Tyler and I'm gonna sing this song for you tonight. I hope you like it. It's one of my personal favourites. Hey, could we get the lyrics up here? I get a little forgetful with the words sometimes."
The member of staff nodded and lyrics projected onto the screen behind him.
People clapped and Tyler started singing.
"I just wanna stay in the sun where I find,
I know it's hard sometimes,
Pieces of peace in the sun's peace of mind,
I know it's hard sometimes,
Yeah, I think about the end just way too much,
But it's fun to fantasize,
All my enemies who wouldn't wish who I was,
But it's fun to fantasize,"
An ecstasy of happiness drifted over Tyler. He felt at ease when he sung. He hadn't sung to crowds this small for a long while. It was a nice change. He could be more personal and more open in his singing.
"Oh, oh
I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride
Oh, I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride
Taking my time on my ride"
People started to join in and sing. Tyler smiled as he watched those who sang, join in...
|-/
Jenna woke up. Something was bugging her and she couldn't put her mind to it. As she opened her eyes she noticed something quite odd- there was no warmth next to her. She looked over. The lump covered in blankets that was Tyler, wasn't there. Jenna looked by the door. No lights shone from under the door. Jenna started to panic.
Where in hell's name has he gone to?
Feeling curious, and scared, Jenna decided to look around. She looked in the bathroom but much to her relief, he hadn't had a panic attack next to the sink, but he wasn't there either. She looked in the spare bedrooms but there was no sign. Jenna sighed to herself and headed downstairs. She checked the kitchen but the brunette wasn't there. She looked in the basement but still, no sign. She grabbed a flashlight and scouted outside in the garden but he the brown haired singer was nowhere. Jenna was getting really worried. She went back in and rechecked their bedroom. She noticed the ukulele was missing. Jenna ran downstairs. He could've taken his phone with him. Much to her dismay, it was still there. She checked the pegs. He had taken his jacket and scarf. His combat boots were missing too. Jenna didn't want to make any assumptions but she was getting scared. What if he ran away? What if he got kidnapped? Niggling questions flew in her mind. She tried thinking where he would be. He went away with just his coat and a ukulele. He wouldn't have gone to the bar, he doesn't drink beer too much. Jenna checked his phone. He hadn't been told to meet up with anyone. She looked outside the front door. Faint indents of footprints on soft, white snow. The imprints looked similar to the soles of his boots. Jenna, with a rush of hope, pulled on one of Tyler's old hoodies and grabbed a pair of black jeans. She slipped on some shoes and grabbed her coat before racing out to her car. If she just followed the footprints, it should be easy enough to find him. Jenna started the car and drove out. She followed the footprints until they stopped near the city centre, where they were unidentifiable, melding in with other footprints. Cursing herself, she parked the car and climbed out.
Where would he be? He wouldn't be in the nearby forest if his footprints led this way. It'd be better to check the streets and places that are open here first.
She asked around, but no one had seen him. Jenna was seriously about to give up when a man who looked to be in his late thirties walked up to her.
"What's the matter?" The mysterious man asked, concerned.
"I-i just can't find my husband. He left the house and I can't find him."
"That's a shame. What's his name and what does he look like? I might have seen him pass by."
"His name is, Tyler. Tyler Joseph. He has short brown hair and is pretty skinny but pretty tall too. Like, sort of near basketball player height but not exactly."
"Hmm." The man pondered.
"What?" Questioned Jenna.
"Now you think of it, I did have a Tyler come into my karaoke bar."
"R-really?"
"Yep. Funny looking man, am I right?" The man asked.
"I suppose you could put it that way" Jenna said.
"Then yeah, he had a uke' and stuff. He wanted to sing."
"Where?"
"Heh, people these days. No patience. Here, I'll show you. I'm just on my break. It gets pretty hot in there sometimes. Even in temperatures like these. I own the place. A karaoke place. It's pretty neat. You tried karaoke?"
"Y-yeah, a couple of times before."
"Cool. It's good fun."
The man and Jenna trudged in the snow to a building. Outside, shone in neon letters the words, 'Karaoke'. The man opened the door and gestured for the woman to walk in.
"After you, m'lady."
"Thanks" Jenna said with a tinge of discomfort
Jenna walked in and waited for the man to come in and close the door. He shut the door and walked over to the desk.
"No need to feel intimidated by me. I'm not a drug dealer, I have kids and a wife. So, you're lookin' for your husband?" The man said.
"Yeah."
"Tyler Joseph?" The man asked.
Jenna hummed a reply.
The man quickly scanned over of what looked to be a list of names and looked back up at her.
"Yep, Tyler is singing here tonight. My colleague is actually good friends with him. The guy looked sorta lonely so we let him in for free."
"Okay. Do you want me to pay? I feel bad not paying up."
"No no no. You're fine. A guy pulled out earlier to be honest so he just took his place. Nothing serious. We need more bodies to sing anyway so it was just as well he came here."
"Well, thank you."
"No problems. Now how about we go look for your husband, yeah?"
"Yeah."
|-/
Tyler sang the last few notes to his song and gave a bow. People stood up and cheered. Everyone was clapping and shouting for an encore. He looked at the staff and they nodded back. He was okay to do another song.
"Thank you. Thank you, everyone. It really has made my night to have people sing along with me. I was in a bad place and singing is my passion so thank you for helping me."
The crowd cheered.
"Hey! Sing another song!" Shouted someone.
The rest of the group cheered with agreement.
"Okay okay. I think I've made my mind up on a song. I just need something."
Tyler walked off the stage and bumped into Chris.
"Hey, Tyler. I saw you're doing a second song and I thought you might want this" Chris said.
Chris handed Tyler's ukulele towards the man.
"Thanks Chris. You read my mind. Will it be loud enough?"
"I connected it to the speakers and stuff so it should be fine. Good luck, man."
"Thanks."
And with that, Tyler shot back to the stage and picked up the microphone from the stand.
"Sorry about that. I just needed to get something. I'm sure you'll all recognise this song. It's quite a classic. I'm singing it for all of you out there listening tonight and one special person I know. She isn't here but I love her so much and I thank her for that. I thank you all for listening to me tonight. This song is one of my favourite songs to sing and I'm sure it may be yours too."
Everyone watched with awe to see what he would do.
Tyler coughed and strummed his ukulele to find the right notes.
He started to strike his ukulele with graceful notes and sang,
"Wise men say, only fools rush in,
But I can't help falling in love with you."
"Shall I stay
Would it be a sin,
If I can't help falling in love with you."
Tyler started the second verse and people joined in, loving the mellow sound of the Elvis song.
"Like a river flows,
Surely to the sea
Darling, so we go,
Some things were meant to be."
As Tyler sang, he noticed a familiar face at the back. A blonde haired woman watched him with a relieved smile as he sang. Tyler recognised her instantly and grinned.
This is for you, Jenna. I'm so glad I married you and have all the friends I do have. If I wasn't for you, I might've been dead by now.
He took a breath and sang the next part.
"Take my hand, take my whole life too,
'Cause I can't help falling in love with you."
"Like a river flows,
Surely to the sea
Darling, so we go,
Some things were meant to be"
Tyler looked over at Jenna again. She was crying. Of happiness. She knew this song was being sung for her. It made Tyler relieved and joyful that she was happy.
"Take my hand, take my whole life too
'Cause I can't help falling in love with you
'Cause I can't help falling in love with you."
Everyone joined in for the last part. People smiled.
"But I can't help falling in love with you."
Tyler gave his last bow and spoke into the microphone.
"Thank you everyone. And thank you to my wife who is here currently, who has looked after me all these years. May we spend many more together, love."
The crowd cheered.
"Thank you." Tyler said.
Tyler walked down the stage and handed the microphone back to one of the staff. He found Chris and handed him the ukulele.
"Could you get this all sorted for me? Thanks, Chris."
"Sure, man. I'll just be a few moments." Chris said with a smile.
Chris walked away to go and retune the instrument.
Tyler waited and Jenna and Pete walked up to him. Jenna scooped Tyler into a hug.
"I-i was so worried about you, Ty. Thank you so much. I love you too." Cried Jenna.
"I love you too, Jen." Tyler whispered.
"Aww, this is soo adorable, Tyler." Cooed Pete
Tyler laughed. Chris came back and handed the ukulele to Tyler.
"I believe this is yours, Tyler." Chris said.
"Thank you Chris. And thank you all for letting me do an extra song." Tyler thanked.
"No problem. The crowds loved you and you were awesome. You should come back here more often." Pete said.
"Heh, maybe I will. I mean like, I struggle on stuff to do back at home and singing will always be an option so I'll keep the suggestion open."
"Cool." Chris said.
"Well I think we'd better head back, so thank you for tonight. It has certainly made me feel better."
"No problem, come back anytime, Tyler." Pete smiled.
|-/
Tyler and Jenna walked back home hand in hand. Snow fell around them. They were inseparable like soulmates. Jenna smiled as she walked. Stars shimmered and ice glistened. It was perfect. Tyler felt at ease. Something deep inside him was finally put to rest.
He felt complete.
At that moment while pondering, Tyler then realised what was missing in the hole in his heart.
Not just music, but love.
-END-