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Em? Are you listening? EM!
Emily snapped out of her trance, biting her tongue harshly in reaction to Spencer’s demand for her attention. Sighing, she sucked down on where she could taste blood beginning to trickle over her gums, and cocked her head to let her friends know she was listening.
“Okay, seriously, Em, what is going on?” it was Aria who spoke, a concerned mutter rising from her place beside Spencer, “It’s like you’ve been in your own world this whole week.” Emily frowned. Normally, she would have protested the accusation, but how could she deny the truth when it was so plainly in front of them?
“She’s probably having problems with Paige, Aria.” Emily didn’t have to turn to look at Hanna to know that the sarcastic blonde wasn’t even looking up from her magazine, too absorbed in the season’s most expensive fur coats to pay full attention to Emily’s interrogation. Flipping the page casually, she added, “Right, Em?” They were in the cafeteria, the weather outside too cold and snowy to eat in the privacy of the courtyard. It was no matter; at the caf’s current capacity, there was so much noise that the girls were absorbed in their own bubble within the constant hum of eight-hundred teenagers’ chattering.
Emily opened her mouth to answer when, right on cue, Spencer cut in.
“If that’s true, you can tell us. We’re always going to support you.” Emily couldn’t help but smile at the words of support; even at her most concerned, Spencer sported an intense, scrutinizing frown, her voice edged with its familiar, caffeine-fuelled urgency. Beside her, Aria nodded intently, and Hanna raised her eyebrows in agreement as she flipped yet another page.
“Guys,” Emily laughed softly, “It’s nothing big. It’s just… My parents invited Paige over to my family’s annual Christmas party.”
“So?” Hanna looked up from a Gucci spread to frown questioningly at Emily.
“So, every year we do this little secret-Santa thing. And I pulled Paige. I—“
“Is this about the Sexy Claus dress Caleb got me last year?” Hanna cut in suddenly, “I mean, I want to see Paige in a dress as much as the next person—well, probably not as much as you—but I don’t think it will fit her. Not at the chest, I mean, which you probably—“
“Hanna.” Spencer bit out a warning, her head cupped in her hands.
“No, Hanna, you can keep your… Whatever you’re calling it.” Emily sighed, rolling her eyes at the both of them. “I just don’t know what to get her. Last year we didn’t get each other anything—Paige said, you’re safe, that’s all I could want, and I agreed.”
Aria squealed, a long, high-pitched tone only stopped by an amused look from Spencer. “Sorry,” she coughed, “Continue.”
Emily smiled, but became serious again as she explained, “We’d be content with the same arrangement this year, only there’s the secret Santa… Guys, I have no idea what to get her.”
“Oh.” the others answered in unison, each furrowing their brows. The four stayed silent for a moment, thinking, until at last Hanna spoke.
“So… No Sexy Claus dress?”
“Hanna!” Spencer yelled this time, causing a few students from the table over to turn their heads in the girls’ direction. “It’s all right, Emily,” Spencer quieted slightly, her voice waxing with the sinister, unreadable quality of a Hastings with a scheme to plan, “I’ve got a better idea.”
Paige paced up and down the cramped aisle, biting the previously-chewed quicks of her fingernails as she frantically surveyed the merchandise displayed on the department store’s shelves. The salesman at the front, seeming so friendly and understanding, had said that the section would be perfect for a ‘romantic Christmas gift’. But Paige wasn’t romantic. That was always Emily. And now she was losing her shit in front of cheap perfumes and lacy corsets, once again failing to sweep Emily of her feet before she even tried.
Sighing, she stopped for a moment, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.
Why did I let Emily talk me into this?
Truth be told, it hadn’t taken much convincing for Paige to answer with an enthusiastic yes to the Fields’ Christmas party invitation. Her own family had barred her from any reunions or public functions since she had come out, afraid that questions about romance or future plans would endanger her father’s status as Rosewood’s Favourite Deacon. A bitter taste rose in Paige’s throat as she thought of her parents’ looks, half-condemning and half-apologetic, as they filed out of the house to go to holiday party after holiday party, leaving their daughter alone.
Well, not quite. Emily, like always, wandered into Paige’s thoughts before she could stop them.
You’re safe, and that’s all I could ever ask for.
Exhaling slowly, Paige smiled softly to herself, a sudden warmth spreading from her chest up through her arms and down into her toes.
She owed this to Emily. Sweet, sweet Emily, who had probably picked out the perfect gift. Sweet, sweet Emily, who never had to work at impressing anyone.
But Paige wasn’t Emily. And therein lay the problem.
“Paige?”
The voice snapped Paige out of her worry, and she turned to see Hanna standing at the aisle’s entrance, her head cocked in interest, smile wide and amused.
“Uh… Hey, Hanna,” Paige gave a cautious smile, rocking nervously onto the back of her heels, “What are… What are you doing here?”
“I’m stalking you to spoil Emily’s Christmas surprise.” Hanna rolled her eyes, striding confidently up to Paige, stopping just short of the other girl and giggling at her own joke. “What do you think I’m here for? I’ve got a boyfriend, too, you know. Well,” she looked away for a second, as deep in thought as she was capable of, “Not too, but you know what I mean.”
“Um… Sure…” Paige answered reproachfully. “Well, I’ve actually picked out what I’m going to buy, so…” turning frantically to the shelf beside her, Paige snatched up the first thing she saw and began to move away, only to be blocked by Hanna grabbing the item--a small gray bottle with a red label--right out of her hand.
“Spicy Gingerbread Men’s Scrub?” Hanna read, arching her eyebrows in mock surprise. “Wow, I really think you hit it on the head. I can’t think of anything Emily would want more. You know,” she frowned, feigning curiosity, “I kind of wonder what ‘Men’s Scrub’ means. Where would Emily put that, do you know?”
“Enough!” Paige screamed, grabbing the bottle from Hanna’s hand. Closing her eyes for a moment, she breathed deeply before carefully placing it back on the shelf.
“Look,” her hands shook as she pleaded, “I’m really at a loss for all this. I never want Emily to feel like she has to top any gift I give her, but I want to give her the biggest, most expensive presents in the world. I get embarrassed when it comes to planning out, ah, romance, but every time I see her I want to—well, you know. I want to please her, that’s all I want, but I have no idea how…”
“Say no more.” Hanna smiled, the expression changing from amused to sweet, caring, even. “I know what you need. And I’ll even give it to you for free.” winking, she grabbed Paige by the arm and began to lead the girl away from the aisle. “Say, how big are your boobs?”
Emily’s heart was going a mile a minute, so fast and so hard that she couldn’t keep track of its rhythm. She and Paige were walking up the steps to her grandmother’s bungalow, trailing nervously behind a steady procession of Fields as they stepped into the house, gifts in hand. Had she always had this many relatives?
Grabbing Paige’s hand, she hoped to steady her own.
News of Emily’s coming out had spread like wildfire through the family, so there was no surprise there. Everyone, from her grandmother to her three-year-old cousins, knew why Paige was attending the party. So why were they both so nervous?
No time to think on that; they had arrived at the door.
“You ready?” Emily forced a smile as she looked over at Paige, who looked like she was going to be sick.
“Yeah,” she exhaled, forcing a similar smile, “Let’s go meet the fam.”
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Each tinny gong, each hour ticking past, struck Paige in the heart. The family had been sitting together in the parlour for nearly an hour, half-asleep from the Christmas feast they’d just finished ingesting. During the dinner, conversation had rolled freely, and the room roared with laughter, but now, clumped together around Grandma Fields and a small, sparsely-decorated Christmas tree, silence hung heavy and unmoving in the air.
Someone cleared their throat; Paige didn’t bother looking to see who.
Emily squeezed her girlfriend’s hand, offering a slight smile. It didn’t do any good. Paige burned with the urge to say something, but wasn’t nearly brash enough to offer any conversation to these strangers.
“They’re my family.” Emily murmured into her ear, reading Paige’s mind. Clearing her throat, Emily cast a brave look in Paige’s direction and spoke up, “So, everyone, how about doing the gift exchange?”
General noises of assent rose within the Fields’ ranks, the enthusiasm of the dinner hour rising momentarily. Spirits settled, however, when no one offered to go first.
“How about you, Paige? I can’t wait to see what you and Emily got each other!” it was Grandma Fields who broke the silence, smiling warmly over to the couple.
“Wait, grandma, how did you know—“ Emily began, only to be cut off by the sounds of her family’s raucous laughter.
“What, you think that was by accident?” Grandma Fields howled above the rest, shaking her head in amusement. “You know, you can always tell a lover’s character by the gifts they give.”
Emily smiled sweetly at the words; Paige felt sick.
“Well, go on,” Mrs. Fields pressed, “Emily, why don’t you go first?”
“Okay,” Emily laughed, darting out of the room only to return a second later, dangling a big red bag from her fingers. Fighting the urge to tremor, Paige opened the gift as slowly as possible, peeling back the wrapping tissue-layer by tissue-layer. The slower she went, the longer before she had to reveal her gift in front of the entire Fields family.
Goddammit, Hanna.
There was no more delaying it. Paige whipped the present from the bag, revealing a small cork-board plastered with pictures of Paige and Emily at a swim-meet, dancing at a party, kissing out under the stars. Across the top of the board, written in blue glitter, were the words “SAFE AND SOUND”.
“Awww!” the Fields family chorused as the masterpiece was passed around, garnering praise.
“Beautiful, Emily.” Grandma Fields clapped her hands in delight, “You’re a lucky girl, Paige.”
Paige nodded, fighting back tears. She was, she really was.
Goddammit, Hanna, goddammit, Hanna, GODDAMMIT!
“Now, let’s see your—“
“Actually, Grandma, Paige already gave it to me.” Emily cut off her grandmother suddenly, smiling apologetically. “It’s not her fault—I couldn’t wait, so I pestered her until she gave me the sweater she hand-knit early. I was afraid of ruining it, what with all that delicious gravy and those wonderful yams, so I left it at home.”
Paige stared at her girlfriend in awe as the Fields family expressed their disappointment, amazed at Emily’s ability to lie so smoothly, so convincingly.
“Em,” Paige leaned in to whisper as Emily’s family moved on to the next gifts, “You know I brought you something, right?”
“You’re safe,” Emily gave a coy smile, “That’s all I could ever want.
“Besides,” she mused, “I know Hanna. And I’ll be wanting to see that dress later.”
Paige smiled widely, squeezing Emily’s hand.
“I love you so much right now.”
“Hey, you two!” Grandma Fields paused above a large, half-opened present to shout over to the couple, “The mistletoe’s outside!”
Laughing, the two stood and excused themselves, walking hand in hand to where the mistletoe hung.
“You know,” they could hear Grandma Fields muse as they melted into a kiss, “Those two, they’re going to be all right.”
“Yeah,” Emily separated from the kiss just long enough to whisper playfully, “We’re going to be all right.”
They kissed again, slowly and indulgently.
Emily tasted of peppermint.