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Tony accepted the FedEx box from the driver, rolling his eyes as Rhodey continued to call him Tony Stank. He pulled back the removal strip and shook the contents onto his desk, staring down at the folded paper as it floated to it’s resting place. There was no doubt who had sent this package. Tony could tell by the ancient Motorola and CD sitting on top of the note. Tony flipped open the cell phone and thumbed through the contacts- one, of course it was Steve- no, Rogers. He closed the cover and set the phone aside. He wasn’t ready to deal with it, not right now.
Tony plucked the jewel case from the desk, Rogers’ neat and tidy scrawl reading Play Me. He didn’t even know if he had anything to play it with. “Hey, Rhodey?”
“Yeah, Tony Stank,” Rhodey chuckled as he turned toward his friend, his wheelchair rolling closer. He had been getting better, walking with the braces and modified spinal implants, but he still used the chair to get around when he was tired. “Seriously, what’s in the box?”
Tony sighed and waggled the CD in the air.
“Who sends CD’s in the mail? Are we twelve again? Is it a mixtape full of the Backstreet Boys and regret?” Rhodey plucked the disc from Tony’s fingers. “Better question is… are you gonna play it?”
“Don’t know if I can,” Tony sighed. “I haven’t seen a CD player since 2005. But, I should probably find one. I don’t want to read his letter until I do. Something tells me that I should play this first.”
“It’s times like this that I wish J-”
“Don’t say it, pumpkin. I can’t- not now. FRIDAY is almost fully integrated here, but until then? Can we not-” Tony sucked in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could. He wouldn’t cry- Not now… Not ever. Not over Cap, he wouldn’t.
Tony never noticed Rhodey leaving the room and coming back with an antiquated CD player. His hands cradled his head, tears occasionally dripping onto the dark wood below.
“Tony… Do you?”
He waved his friend off, ignoring the snick of the plastic lid opening and closing. The smooth, mellow voice of Michael Stipe filled the air.
“They call me the apologist
and now that I'm at peak
you know at first it really hurt
we joke about these things
I've skirted all my differences
but now I'm facing up
I wanted to apologize for
everything I was… so
I'm sorry, so sorry…”
Tony huffed. He was really going there…
“did you understand me right?
the people here are good
they tell me what I should have done
and offer what I could
I'm good, all is good
all's well, no complaints
when I feel regret,
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm sorry, so sorry…”
Tony balled his fists and growled, his anger growing by the second. He couldn’t believe the audacity St- Rogers had. After everything- everything, he was still a selfish bastard. Tony wanted to rail on him. If he knew where Rogers was, he would burn the ground around him and never stop- never.
“I live a simple life
unfettered by complex sweets
you think this isn't me?
don't be weak
there I go
I'm so sorry
thank you for being there for me
thank you for listening, goodbye
I can forfeit selfishness
i hope for you that you apply
this happiness
this peacefulness
I'm sorry, so sorry”
The final notes of the song faded away as Tony picked up the folded sheet of paper he had previously neglected. He didn’t want to read Rogers’ words. He wanted to ball the paper up and burn it- then scoop up the ashes and eject them into outer space. He never wanted to see Steve Rogers’ handwriting, or hear his voice. He never wanted to see his face- Tony wished he could just wipe his brain and forget the last four years. No more Steve, no more Avengers- just him and his Iron Man suits.
Tony closed his eyes, sighing. He knew that the sooner he got this over, the better. He could go back to working on Rhodey’s prosthetics. He fingered the smooth vellum beneath his fingertips. At least Cap knew good stationary when he saw it. Tony opened his eyes to read. It really was now or never.
Tony,
I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn’t. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there.
Steve
Tony wanted to scream. He wanted to throw that piece of shit junky phone across the room and be done with it. Rogers wanted to be a narcissistic asshole, then so be it. Two could play that game. He really thought he was sorry… He wasn’t sorry that he hurt Tony- oh no, Steve was sorry that he had to apologise. Tony was sure it would be full of I never meant to take it that far and wouldn’t you raze the world for Rhodey?, but Tony didn’t need to take it.
Rogers hadn’t argued against the Accords for some sort of righteous reason. He went against the Accords because of a man. A man that killed Tony’s mother in cold blood. It didn’t matter if that man had been brainwashed by HYDRA. It didn’t matter that he shouldn’t be held accountable for his actions because of it. He killed Tony’s MOTHER, and that was reason enough to hate him- to hate Steve Rogers.
Tony slammed his fists on the desk. “Boss… You have a call on line one.”
“Tell them to fuck off.” Tony grumbled. He wanted to wallow in his anger and misery, not deal with anyone right now.
“It’s Secretary Ross.”
“Put him on.” Tony hit the flashing line button and laughed. “Ross… You’ve reached me at a bad time. You see, I was just going to go hel-”
“You listen to me, Stark,” The Secretary growled through the phone. “There’s been a break out at the Raft-”
“What?” Tony chuckled. “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Must be something wrong with the line.”
“There’s nothing wrong with the line,” Ross stated, anger tinting his voice.
Tony picked up the receiver and wiggled it on the base, the clicking and smashing transmitting through the line. “Sorry, there must be a technical issue with the call. Let me just put you on hold while I try to fix it.”
“Don’t you dare-” Ross started before Tony hit the hold button. He rolled his eyes and turned toward Rhodey.
“I should be mad.”
“You are mad, Tones…” Rhodey rolled closer to the table, his hand resting on Tony’s knee. “You have every right to be, but you know they don’t deserve to be there. You know.”
“I know. But that doesn’t stop me being angry. I hate him for what he did, honeybear. He tore my life-”
“Boss… They are safely out of the Raft.”
“Thanks, Fri.”
Rhodey smacked the back of his hand against Tony’s shoulder. “You knew...”
Tony scoffed slightly. “Of course I knew. Who do you think hacked into the security system to allow him to get them out? I may be fucking pissed at Rogers right now. I may think that he’s not sorry, that he’s a narcissistic asshole, but I don’t think that Barton, Lang, Wilson, or even that little witch Maximoff should have to rot there with no trial. So, yeah… I made it a little easier for him to break out his band of merry men.” Tony crossed his arms against his chest.
“Okay…” Rhodey backed off. “I’m going to take a nap. You?”
“Oh, babycakes… Are you asking me to sleep with you?” Tony’s posture relaxed as he waggled his eyebrows.
“Not your type, Tones.” Rhodey began wheeling from the room. He paused in the doorway and turned back toward his best friend. “I happen to know your type is tall, blond, and beefy.”
“Fuck you, Rhodes… Fuck you.” Tony did not laugh. Rhodey’s comments weren’t funny. Tony shook his head and glanced at the still blinking light- Ross must really think he was coming back on the line, and began formulating his response.
Two could play this game.