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I am no fancy party person. I never have been. What I prefer are casual evenings at a pub, a cosy night at a friend's place, but a party where you have to wear a dress? Not my cup of tea. But still, Hanna has been my friend since university and we have been through a lot - the moments when we really regretted studying film and media studies, for it was incredibly hard to find a job, but also good times, like finally finding a decent place to work - so who am I to judge the kind of engagement party she is throwing?
While I am getting dressed, I feel envy rising inside my chest. Why would I be jealous? She is a dear friend, she deserves the best marriage in the world. But I am sure, being single on an engagement party must be one of the worst feelings in the world. I was instantly hoping that Nathalie has invited some of her colleagues, because she always assures me that everyone is immensely nice and friendly, a fact that does not at all apply to my work place. The black cab is already waiting outside, so I grab my jacket and purse and leave.
Hanna’s and David’s house is a good 20 minutes from my place, so I have enough time to text Hanna that I am feeling quite insecure about being at the party. She assures me, “everyone's nice. Don't worry. I've invited some work colleagues”. The answer I have been hoping for the whole time. Since she’s started working for a dotcom (though she never told me the name of the company) she seemed balanced - and her colleagues are a vital part of it.
As I walk towards their house, I can already hear music playing and people talking. I feel nervous. Hanna opens the door and seems delighted to see me. We stroll towards the kitchen, so I can grab a cocktail (this is still a fancy engagement party, I remind myself). “Thank you so much for coming, please feel free to talk to anyone. The people from Amazon are so nice. You should really go and meet them.” I was confused. Amazon was the dotcom she works for and did not want to tell me about? “Amazon? Are you serious? Why haven’t you told me?” “Just because. I know you’re not happy with your job right now. And I didn’t want you to feel bad, because I love my job AND work for a big company.” I quickly understood that it was not her intention to make me feel left out. We cleared that up and headed for the garden so we could mingle with the other guests. She introduces me to loads of people, so I would not feel alone - and it worked. I talk to Stephen and Sofia, Emma, Henry and a few other people.
My cocktail needs a refill, but as I get closer to the kitchen, I hear three voices, booming and laughing, men’s voices. Though I feel mildly intimidated, I pull myself together and enter the kitchen. I was quite confused, because the men - four of them- standing in the middle of the room were oddly familiar. One of them was David, my friend’s fiancee, but the other three I have not yet spoken to. David turned around, “Laura, meet the three men Hanna is working with. That’s Jeremy Clarkson, over there is James May, and the tiny one in the middle is Richard Hammond.” From the corner of my eye I could see Richard raising his left eyebrow, looking quite annoyed. It all becomes quite clear- the three men from Top Gear are Hanna’s bosses. Now I knew why she never told me: I always thought of them as weird old men, compensating their midlife-crisis with fast cars and stupid, rude jokes. But then again, I never really watched their show on a regular basis. I introduce myself, “Hey guys, I am Laura, Hanna’s friend from university. We basically did..” “...everything together. We know. Hanna has probably told us more about you than about David.” Great, infamous already. I suddenly feel very intimidated again, for I do not know how much they really do know. I am trying to redirect the topic of the conversation. “So, you are Hanna’s bosses?” The tallest, Jeremy, corrects me, “We wish we were. In fact, we’re just employed ourselves. Poor old sods, aren’t we?” He looks at both, James and Richard. They laugh and agree. The man David called ‘the tiny one’ suddenly turned towards me. “You came in here to get another cocktail, I assume? May I help you out? I am not very good at this, but I will try my best.” His voice is oddly soothing. As he takes the glass out of my hand, he accidentally strokes me. “Oh, I am so sorry,” he looks up and I am instantly lost in his eyes. “Eeer…. That’s alright.” I am not sure what to say, and my hand prickles where he skimmed me. I am watching him pouring me a cocktail, when I suddenly hear David speaking up, “Laura? Laauura? Are you alright?” “Oh.. why..yes, of course. Sorry. I need to go to the bathroom. Excuse me.”
The bathroom is on the first floor, and as I am climbing the stairs, I feel it tingling in my stomach. It spreads to my arms and legs. I look into the mirror in the bathroom, my hands supported against each side of the sink. I am fairly sure I’ve had too much alcohol. What else would be the reason for the tingling and the peculiar feeling in my belly? I am rejoining the guests downstairs just to find Hanna alone in the kitchen. It seems like the small flock of men has left. “Laura, are you alright? David told me you stormed off to the bathroom a few minutes ago.” “I am fine, thanks. Probably too many cocktails.” “But you’ve only had one… Anyway, have you met the colleagues I haven’t told you about?” she jokes. “Yes, I have. Good thing you've never told me. They are certainly after you, believe me. Look at them, all old and lusty.” We start laughing very loudly, and right at that moment the four men come back from the garden. “What are you laughing about?” David asks, while he hugs Hanna from behind. “Oh, Laura was just arguing that the guys are old and lusty men and would like to intervene with the engagement celebrated tonight.” I suddenly wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. I started stuttering, “...well, I mean… look at her. All beautiful and…” “So, you're basically calling us perverts?” Jeremy asks in a very serious voice. I feel embarrassed, and as I am thinking about just running to the bathroom again, the other five burst into laughter. “I am kidding. We know it was just a stupid joke. Plus, we happen to know who thinks that Hanna is not the only beautiful AND smart woman in the room..” James eyes Richard and nudges him. “Oh, shut up, May,” Richard says, seeming a bit hacked off. The tingling comes back again. I try to act normal, but the feeling spreads again and I don’t know what to say or what this means. There’s an awkward silence hanging in the room, but finally Hanna says, “Why don’t we just go outside?”
While we are walking through the living room towards the terrace door, I realise that the glass I am holding is empty. “Sorry guys, I'll be right behind. Must've taken the wrong glass with me.” I am walking back into the kitchen and try to find my glass amongst all those standing around on the table. Suddenly, someone is standing right behind me. “May I help you?” There it is again. That soothing voice, the immensely polite question, the tingling. I feel all fluffy inside. “Why? Do you know which one is mine?” Am I sounding sarcastic? “Well, indeed I do. It's the one in your hand. I must admit, not my most eloquent move, but I never poured you anything when you stormed off to the bathroom. I was hoping that with an empty glass you’d come back in here and I would be able to meet you in here. Alone. Without the others.” Why would he…”Why would you want to meet me alone?” The words leave my mouth without further ado. He looks staggered. “Well.. Eeer.. To get to know Hanna’s friend,of course. What else?” He looks at me with those big, brown eyes and oh, what a perfect smile. It makes me forget the incredibly embarrassing moment with the rest of the guys a few minutes back. “Now, let me get you a drink. For real this time.” We're relocating to the living room and he seems very curious. “Actually, why haven't I seen you anywhere? We've had a lot of little evenings for employees and friends in the last few weeks.” “Well..to be honest, I cannot cope with a lot a of strangers in one place. I remember Hanna asking me one or two times, but she knew my answer right away.” I feel my voice fading a bit. “Thinking about tonight has been making me feel off-colour all week. She always assures me that all her colleagues are very nice and cordial. I’ve been trying to persuade myself of that the last few days, trying not to be afraid. Well, I wouldn’t miss her engagement party for the world. But it was a lot of overcoming for me.” Why on earth am I talking so much? Shut up, Laura. “Oh no. I didn’t know that. I am so sorry. Are you alright right now? What can I do to make the evening more enjoyable?” I can tell from the way he is talking that he is serious- no pretentious chatter, he really wants me to feel comfortable around him, a total stranger. The fluffy feeling returns to my body, as he starts touching my shoulder. “I… I am fine. Thank you.”
Outside, in the garden, the party seems to be getting a bit louder and wilder - at least in my opinion. I know that a lot of alcohol is rarely a good idea when so many people are in one place. I feel uncomfortable and it seems that Richard notices it. “Shall we go outside? I mean.. Not the garden. Out the front door. Away from the party?” “That would be lovely.” He understands. He gets that I don’t feel comfortable at all and it makes me insanely grateful. As we walk outside the front door onto the empty streets of Richmond, he suddenly asks me, “Are you feeling better now?” “ Yes, thank you. It was becoming a bit too much. It's so calm out here. Why would people want to be in such a crowded place? It's absurd.” “You are not married, are you?” I was really caught off-guard. Is that the most unsuitable question he could think of? Yes, I am quite sure. “Why? Do I look unmarried?” My voice must have sounded very crossed, because Richard instantly says, apologising, “Oh god. I really don't know where that came from. It's none of my business. Let's just.. eeeh..” His voice turned from insecure back to strong and soothing again. “… where are you from?” A bit less personal, that is better. “I am from Chessington.” “Do people really live there? I thought the World of Adventures was the town centre and that’s it.” I start laughing, “Heavens, I get that every time, but only from people who don’t live around here. Where are you from then?” “Proud Brummie living in Ross-on-Wye.” “Oh, that’s quite a long way to Richmond then. Are you driving all the way back home tonight on your own then?” “Why? Would you be worried about me?” He is pulling a very cheeky smile, nudging me with his elbow. “Well, no.. I mean.. Maybe. But then again you are the ‘star’ of a show about cars. Who would be more qualified to drive more than two hours in the middle of the night?” He smirks, “I am actually not a star, I am a pervert, remember?” I look down onto the pavement and feel ashamed. Why did Hanna tell them? She knows I am quite sarcastic and confident around people I know, but strangers? Whole other story. “Oh don't be embarrassed. I thought it was well funny. And, I mean, Hanna and you are both very beautiful women. What's to deny?” Oh my, did those words really come out of his mouth? Did his beautiful lips really utter a compliment like that? It triggers the odd feeling in my body again and makes me all fluffy and chuffed. “Well… Thanks, I guess?” I am absolutely overwhelmed and don't know what to say or do, so I blush. “Was that too much? I am so sorry. Again. Hammond, you idiot!” He is talking to himself, that's adorable. “It's alright. People never compliment me, so I guess I was …. confused.” He looks staggered. “Why? I mean you're beautiful inside out, from what I can tell. And funny, even though it was quite unintentional, I assume.” Richard winks at me and I am melting, my inside is getting all warm and fuzzy.
Without even noticing, we've been walking for an hour around the almost deserted streets of Richmond. I stop and look around, not knowing where we are and I start panicking. “Richard, d-do you know where we a-are? It's so dark.” There are no street lamps around and I am hearing noises that are coming from the bushes. “Richard? What is that?” I whisper. “I am not sure. Let me just have a look. Stay close right behind.” It is a weird noise, not a bird or a rabbit. As we get closer there is a sudden loud swish of leaves and someone says “Oi shit. Get up.” Two people are running from the clump of bushes away from us. They seem to have a big blanket with them and I say, with a sigh of relief, “Oh, so it's just teenagers who got it on, as usual” Richard laughed and asks, “So only teenagers get it on?” “Oh, I mean hiding in the bushes kissing? That seems quite teenage-y to me. Anyway, at least it's not been robbers or other criminals.” “Or James and Jeremy,” Richard jokes and he makes me actually crack a smile despite my initial panic. “Shall we just sit down over there? What a mess, we went outside to calm you down and you end up being even more upset than before. I am really sorry.” We walk over to the next bench and sit down. I cross my arms calming myself down by breathing deeply and slowly, my heart still beating quickly. “Laura, please, look into my eyes. Everything is fine. Those teenagers are gone and we're here, alone, on this bench. Nothing can harm you. No burglars, no….” I am completely lost in his wide eyes. He seems to be talking, I can hear his smooth, calming voice in my ears, but his dark brown eyes are all I can see. Like an enormous lake of coziness. “Laura? How are you?” “I -I’m fine. Yeah, feeling a lot better, thank you.” My body starts to heat from the inside, as it is sinking in that the back of his fingers are stroking the skin on my upper arm. Goosebumps. “Oh, are you cold?” Why does he have to talk like that? His voice is utterly beautiful and makes my heart start beating faster again, but in a positive way. “Cold? What? No, I mean, I don't think so. Can we please continue walking?” “Of course, whatever you want.” As I am about to stand up, I feel his hands grab mine, pulling me up just a bit too strongly, so I end up flung against his chest. “Whoops,” he says, half apologising, half ironic, as if a part of him wanted this to happen. I immediately take a step back, completely staggered. “What..?” “Is it just me, or am I coming across as a massive dick? So sorry, again, but I just cannot help it. You're just such a lovely person and.. well..” He starts rubbing the back of his head looking a bit droopy. “No, you do not have to apologise. Seriously. If anyone owes an apology, it's me. You've been trying to make me feel less afraid and nervously all evening, and you're doing an amazing job. It's just.. I haven't been close to anyone, physically,in a long time, so I am practically feeling like a newbie, a teenager. That's why I was commenting on them in such a patronising way.” Richard looks a bit confused and, at the same time, understanding. “Oh, alright. I didn't know. I didn't mean to be too much..well, everything. I am sincerely, deeply sorry. Shall we go back then?” “Yes. Let's do that.”
We are trying to find our way back and after getting lost a few times, we finally make it back to Hanna and David’s place. Apparently Richard’s enthusiasm for cars comes with quite the sense of orientation, because I would have been completely lost. “Are you fine going back in? They might be even more drunk than before.” “I think it's alright. Will you be with me in there? Might make it easier for me.” Richard nods. “Of course I will be.” He suddenly grabs my hand - his palm and fingers are incredibly soft for a gearhead. As our fingers intertwine, he strokes the back of my hand with his thumb. “Is that alright?” I am just overwhelmed by the feeling of his skin touching my skin, and all I can utter is a short and shivering, yet happy “yeah”. The two of us enter the house and to our surprise, most do not seem too drunk to handle. Almost all of them are slurring though, which makes me feel quite uncomfortable, but I got Richard holding my hand as we walk through the hall and living room, into the garden. His walk is very determined, so I just follow. When he stops, were standing in the back of the garden, in a corner where branches shield us off from the rest of the people. “How are you feeling right now?” he asks. “To be honest, I haven't felt that comfortable all night.” As soon as I've confessed how much at ease I feel, he lets go of my hand. I feel gutted, but only for a second, as he looks deep into my eyes and says, “You sure that only teenagers hide in bushes and get it on?” Two fingers are all it takes, so he places his index finger under my chin and his thumb on my lower lip and pulls me towards him with no effort. I close my eyes and wait for our lips to touch. When it happens, all the adrenaline in my body seems to be released at once. I feel a tickle in every corner of me. That kiss seems to last forever, and after an eternity we part. He looks at me, tucks a strand of hair behind my left ear and, quite exhausted,says, “Wow.” I am unable to say anything at all, don't know what to think or do either. For the first time in a long while, I am insanely happy thanks to this tiny man with his ruffled brown hair.