Chapter Text
Connor adjusted the light aperture and clicked the shutter on his camera with practiced ease. Just the soft clink of the button made the tightly held tension in his shoulders drop.
Taking photographs was always so peaceful in the forest and it was the only one time Connor's crowded and chaotic mind could calm. His bitten raw fingers gripped round his old, battered SLR camera and one by one his fingers would loosen the longer he spent traipsing his town alone to find obscure things to photograph; especially when he was swamped in trees.
Sometimes his mom wanted to see the photos he took after he got them developed and she'd always stare at them with a mixture of shock and distaste as she flicked through the images. Connor wanted his emotions to feed into his work to get all the bad shit out of his system, so it wasn't as if he was going out photographing rainbows and smiles. He was more into gritty pavements and blood stains and abandoned places. His mom...not so much.
Though sometimes... sometimes he needed quiet interludes where he did find happy and peaceful stuff, like in the forest.
The trees in the forest that enveloped him right now always reminded him of rare slices of his childhood which were made up of somewhat fond memories. They were bittersweet ones where he could only remember the soft smiles of his parents, the giggling of his younger sister and his plastic windable camera held in his small hands. It didn't take very good photos of course, but it was where his photography passion started. His mom was so thrilled about it and Zoe loved to pose for him, holding up fallen apples and balancing them on her head.
Those were all memories that took place in the old apple orchard he used to visit all the time as a kid and now that it was shut down, (Connor couldnt remember why) that was Connor's go to abandoned place. So the town's local forest was always his best bet to find masses of trees which were actually still alive and thriving with life. It was the closest he could get to the nostalgic feelings he wished he could've taken better photos of. The ones he had were blurry and out of focus and sometimes you only got to see a slither of Zoe's beaming face as he took a photo out of shot. It didn't help that the small prints were also wrinkled and dog eared with age and that some of them had his father's face scribbled out in scruffy biro lines.
The air today was warm and the sun dappled the skin of his face in intricate patterns as it blinked through the gaps in the leaves that surrounded him. It was summer time now, stifling and muggy weather crept all around the town like a hellish fog and Connor wouldn't take his sweaty hoodie off for it, no matter how much it chased him. He didn't like to see the scars on his skin and no one else would either. Not that anyone would really care. However, under these trees it was full of blissful shade and on just the right side of hot. It was Connor's favourite temperature and not to be emo, but it was one of Connor's many reasons to live; the breeze felt like a hug and the warmth a tight squeeze. He hadn't had either of those in a long time.
He paused on the edge of the stretching, golden wheat field before him, just on the outskirts where the shade of the trees gave way to the blinding sun up ahead. The wheat tossed and swayed about and the sky above it, blue and spotless was a striking contrast to it. Blue and yellow; good, cheerful colours. Connor raised his camera, adjusted the light aperture and exposure settings again and then- THUD!
His finger slipped on the button in surprise and he knew the photo would come out crooked. A waste of a shot. Damn it.
Connor's heart beat wildly at the sound he'd heard and he glanced around nervously, his breath came out a little too quickly. It was like the press of his camera had caused it! Helooked at the object in his hand with wide eyes before he realised stupidly, yeah, cameras didn't do that. Or at least his hadn't done that before. He swallowed and turned around to the trees, his eyes flicked round to find what the cause of it was. Maybe just a tree falling? Animals causing some ruckus? One of those park rangers he'd spotted a couple times over the summer?
Then, a soft sound broke the silence that had followed the huge noise before. Connor tipped his head towards where he thought it was coming from and he brushed aside his long hair so his ears could listen hard. It sounded like... wait it sounded as if someone was...crying?It was coming from a little way into the trees and to the right, where the oaks were larger and more ominous. They stood taller than houses and the branches swayed and roared in the gentle wind.
Connor's breath caught in his throat for a moment...had someone fallen from one of those?! Shit, how was he supposed to deal with this?! He didn't know first aid and how the hell would an ambulance get out here?! Connor rubbed between his eyebrows with his free hand and sighed, maybe he could just...leave the person?
Connor dropped his hand and the crying had begun to sound more louder and choked and desperate and in pain. Fuck. He let go of his camera and let it thump into his chest where it was hung by a strap around his neck. He wrung his hands and bit his lip. The crying picked up even harder and jesus fuck, okay, he'd have to deal with this. Find the person, call 911 and go home when they got here. Fine. Good. Perfect. Maybe his mom would be happy he was being a good citizen.
He sucked in a large breath, let it out and strode off in the direction he supposed was right. The crying sounded nearer as he came closer to where it was and he crept round trees and over logs and small dips in the ground till he came to one singular tree. The smooth bark was well worn and dented with footholds and perfect climbing spots and the branches were spread enough that they met easily to provide routes all the way to the very high top. Fuck, that was a big tree. The crying was coming from the other side and Connor paused to build up some courage. The sobs were wet, gross and thick with snot and he was scared to know what he would find. A broken, bloody person? Limbs twisted weirdly and skin all torn up, maybe with twigs empaled into their eyes? Fuck, he loved to photograph gruesome things, scoured for them even, but this would be something his strong stomach wouldn't be able to handle.
He took a tiny tiptoe to the side and found a battered blue shoe attached to a seemingly intact leg which wore beige khakis caked in mud and bracken. A familiar but unplaceable-looking back pack was strewn ahead further from the tree trunk.
Connor squeezed his eyes shut, took in a large gulp of breath and walked round the tree before he new what he was doing
Connor shunted to a stop and his eyes flickered open and there he was: Evan Hansen, from school, laying on the ground. His left arm was twisted painfully behind him and his soft face was red with small grazes and damp with tears. His eyes were squeezed shut and his teeth were gritted in pain. He looked a mess, although nothing seemed to be broken, except maybe the arm he'd landed on. The rest of his skin was covered in marks from the branches he'd hit on the way down, there wasn't much blood. Connor let his deep breath blow out harshly from his nose. Now what?
Connor knocked himself out of just staring and stepped over to Evan and knelt down tentatively. He reached a hand out to shake the boys shoulder and said dumbly, "U-uh hey-"
Evan startled immediately and his eyes flew open and he tried to recoil, but his arm pulled painfully beneath him. He hissed in agony and the tears fell faster. Geeze that crying was gonna give him one hell of a headache later, or maybe he'd just have concussion from the fall. What the hell did Connor know?
"Hey! Don't move so quick you're gonna wreck yourself some more, stupid." Connor hissed.
Evan curled in on himself and through sobbing gasps grit out, "G-go away." His voice cracked and Connor's heart tugged at the sad sound. Evan sounded so hopeless.
Connor looked up at the tree, tucked his unruly hair behind his ears, then looked to the back pack which he now noticed had a piece of paper neatly safety-pinned to the front of it. A note. Shit...this wasn't what he thought it was, was it? Evan couldn't have jumped. Connor looked up at tree again and guessed it was maybe 30ft high, enough to probably kill someone -or not if Evan was any evidence.
"No. No I'm not going away." Connor growled, "You need help and-and I'm the only one here alright. Try to be at least a little fucking considerate; it's not like anyone else would come for you." Connor regretted what he said instantly, but his brain somehow never had any filter and whatever usually came out of his mouth was venomous and belittling. Not his fault. Thats just how he was.
"J-just please go." Evan wheezed and clutched his chest, his fist curled into the fabric of his blue polo. He'd probably winded himself from the fall and Connor didn't even want to think of how bruised and broken Evan's ribs might be too. "No one was s-s-supposed to b-be out here!"
Connor blinked, "Well sorry, but I am. I heard crying and I'm not that much of a fucking asshole to walk away, contrary to popular belief. Now come on, I'm gonna roll you so your arm isn't stuck, alright?"
Evan hesitated and then nodded once.
Connor reached out slowly, "Tell me if it hurts too bad."
Evan nodded again, body tensed in suspense. Connor's hand held Evan's shoulders as gently as he could and he rolled the boy onto his front so that his arm would be free. Evan stifled a painful groan behind his teeth and Connor flinched for him. The arm was...definitely broken. Probably a clean break, because although it was crooked and swollen, there wasn't any bones popping out anywhere, thank god. Evan pressed his face into the dirt and squeezed his eyes shut tight again as Connor rolled him once more so he was situated on his back, staring up at the tree he'd fallen from. Maybe rolling him onto his back wasn't such a good idea because when Evan's eyes focused in on the high branches that towered above them, his breathing began to pick up and Connor flapped his hands around uselessly. How in the fuck are you supposed to deal with an anxiety attack? Connor fumbled around clumsily for his phone that was tucked into his messenger bag he'd had slung over his shoulder and with shaky fingers dialled 911. There was a short sound of the dial tone before, "911, whats your emergency?"
"Uh, someone's fallen from a really fucking tall tree and-and I mean really tall. His arm is broken and he's panicking and I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing." Connor's own chest started to feel tight and he felt Evan's unhurt hand reach out and hold onto the front of Connor's black hoodie in a vice grip. He looked down in suprise and found Evan was shaking his head fiercely and he whimpered quietly, "D-don't make them come here. Please don't, please! My mom d-d-doesnt need to know. I'm fine! I'm fine, I'm fine-"
"How badly is he hurt? Has he passed out?" The woman asked in a calm, clinical tone that grated against Connor's brain.
"There's a lot of scratches and his arm looks broken and maybe his ribs too? I don't know. He's awake though uh-"
"I'm going to need an address, honey so we can get someone to come and fix him up."
"Um," Connor looked around frantically as if he'd find a sign post with an address on it, but this was a fucking forest so of course there wasn't. "There's not really an address? I'm in the local forest the one with all the park rangers and shit and, we're by the wheat field, with all the trees? the huge oak trees, like I said." He swallowed down some tight breaths. Evan's hand curled tighter round the fabric of his hoodie.
There was some soft typing noises, "Okay sweetheart, we'll try our best to find you. I need you both to take some deep breaths okay, in for 7 and out for 4 okay, breathe with me. Make sure he doesn't pass out, okay?"
Connor and Evan did the breathing together for a little while along with the woman and then the she stopped and said "The services are on their way. Keep breathing, keep calm both of you-"
"Okay. Okay thanks." Connor ended the call abruptly and flung his phone down and decided his camera should come off too. It landed unceremoniously beside his phone in the dirt and the mud coated the uncapped lens. Connor realised that both his knees were covered in it and that Evan had some on his face too. He wanted to rub it away from Evan's skin, but decided that would be a little too weird and invasive. Especially because this was their first proper conversation since middle school and even in middle school, touching Evan's face would've been weird and they didn't exactly talk much. Thrn again, no one ever really did talk to either of them.
Evan was panicking less now, because of the breathing technique he already seemed familiar with. His tears had begun to dry out, although his hand still wouldnt let go of Connor's hoodie.
"Why'd you jump out of the tree?" Connor said firm and quiet. His voice was a little too confrontational and stoic for his liking, though like before, not his fault.
Evan swallowed audibly and his eyes shifted to the tree trunk, "I fell."
"Bull shit, Hansen."
"You-you remember my name?
"Well yeah, we've always gone to school together."
"I-I know, but no one really ever...pays attention to me...I thought maybe you'd forgotten." Evan closed his eyes.
"Shut up and answer me. Why'd you jump?" Connor panicked that Evan might pass out so he almost shouted at him when he said it.
Evan was silent for a moment and his mouth opened and closed. Then he opened his eyes and stared right into Connor's, "I just. I j-just hoped maybe I'd be found for once and I-I knew it was a long shot, because like you said, I haven't got anyone else. I went up there anyway and I f-felt so empty and alone and I wanted to die so I ... I let go." he started to sob gently again and Connor hooked his hand around Evan's and squeezed it tight. The skin on skin contact shocked him for a second and he wanted to pull away, but Evan looked at him with wide, blue, watery eyes and he couldn't find it in him too. It was like looking at a sad puppy. A very convincing sad puppy. Connor didn't even like puppies.
"Somebody did find you." Connor whispered uncomfortably and looked away. He fiddled with a thread on his ripped jeans and rubbed some mud away with his fingertips.
Evan nodded and suddenly the sound of a helicopter came from over head. It roared close by for a few minutes before it landed in the wheat field. The propellers whipped the wind around them and it sliced into them briefly before the engines turned off and the wind calmed. The loose part of the note on Evan's backpack flopped back down gently onto it.
"The ambulance." Connor murmured.
Evan started to cry loudly again and Connor tried to force back his own tears.
He reached for his phone and camera.
So much for a peaceful day.