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So that’s how it was, huh?
After all these years of Dean having to reassure Sam that no, he had no interest in fucking Castiel, Cas was a brother and a friend and okay, maybe in another life, he could see himself loving an angel… in this world, he preferred his lovers a little more down to earth. Years of that, from Sam, from the one person who should’ve known better. It wasn’t Cas’s arms he looked for when he was hurt. It wasn’t Cas’s bed he collapsed in after he was too damn exhausted for another round of sex. It wasn’t Cas he was having those exhausting rounds of sex with. Those were all Sam’s.
He’d been gone for less than a week, and he could see the way Cas and Sam were looking at each other now. It was new. It hadn’t been there before. They were so comfortable around each other, able to do that thing where they finished each other’s sentences and communicated without words. The way Sam and Dean had always been – even now, with Sam hating him. The way Dean and Cas had gotten to only after a long, hard road, and had promptly lost. Both times.
Sam had made it clear that he and Dean were done as anything but hunting partners, that night on the bridge. They weren’t brothers. They weren’t lovers. They weren’t friends. At the time, they weren’t hunting partners, but they’d quickly figured out that they needed each other as backup. Other backup just wasn’t the same. Sam had let him come home, but avoided him thoroughly. And that… hurt like hell, but he could be patient. They’d done this dance before. Sam would come around, forgive it all, fall back into Dean’s arms and Dean’s bed and let Dean fall back into his heart.
If Dean could get the damned angel out of the way. Apparently, he was still an angel again, and Sam was completely out of danger, and that was great… but now Cas was in the way of Dean getting what was rightfully his. He needed to figure out how to fix that.
When Sam plopped into a chair across the table from him, Dean felt his hopes trying to get up. Other things, too. Unfortunately, Sam looked pissed. “Look. I know Cas was your friend first, but I thought you’d be happy to see me and him finally getting along too. What’s with the glaring?”
Dean crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “Gosh, Sammy, I don’t know. Why might I possibly be upset by you having a boyfriend?”
“Having a… are you kidding me? That’s what this is about?" Sam folded his arms and put on his very best bitch face. "Cas is not my boyfriend. Cas will never be my boyfriend. Even if I wanted him, which I don’t, how many times have you told me Cas is not interested in humans that way, that his love for humanity is because we’re the works of art his father loved above everything else? There’s nothing special enough about me to change that, not that isn’t special about you too.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “You are so full of crap. Do I really need to sit here and tell you how special you are?”
“Please don’t.” Sam buried his face in his hands, and then ran them through his hair. Dean swallowed his envy. “Look. We can work together. We should work together. That doesn’t change that until you can tell me you understand why I’m so pissed over Gadreel and mean it, we can’t be anything else. I could forgive you for it, if I thought you understood why I would need to. You just won’t admit to having done anything wrong!”
“Because I didn’t! I did what I had to to save your fucking LIFE, Sam!”
“By once again stripping me of any right to decide for myself what happens to me! By lying to me, hiding, hurting our friends all in the name of keeping me safe! I would never have agreed to kick Cas out of the Bunker when he needed our protection, and you know it. So you just didn’t tell me. And now Kevin’s dead, because you decided my life was more important.”
“And I’d do it again." Dean did not understand why Sam couldn't get this. Sam was everything to him. "I wish Kevin were alive, yeah. I wish we’d found a way to contain Gadreel before he killed Kevin. I wish I’d done things different with Cas. But the bottom line is, you’re alive. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be either, and you know it. We’ve both tried. We both suck at it.”
“And that is a PROBLEM, Dean! Learn to see that!” Sam slammed his hands on the table. “We keep making the same mistakes, keep hurting each other and everyone around us for the same reasons.”
“So? You’d rather be dead now?”
“Honestly? Yes! If the cost of me being alive is Kevin being dead, the Apocalypse happening, you going to Hell… there is so much bad that has come out of you making me live! Next time, let me go. I am begging you. Next time I die, just let go.”
“I’m sorry, Sam, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
Sam stared at him. “You did not just.”
“I did." Sam threw up his hands, and Dean smirked a little. "But I meant it. I can’t let you go. That is the one thing I cannot do. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Since I was four years old, my life has always been about taking care of Sammy.”
Sam got up. “We’ve had this fight too often. I’m done here. Cas is not my boyfriend, he’s not going to become my boyfriend, quit glaring at him like he’s personally responsible for everything bad that’s ever happened to you.” He walked off.
Dean grabbed his arm where it was starting to burn a little. It was a start, anyway. He’d wear Sam down eventually, he knew it. He could wait it out until then.