Work Text:
This is the third most nervous Baekhyun has ever been in his whole life.
The most nervous he's ever been was when he had squeezed his eyes shut and clicked submit on his application to Juilliard, even though he knew he still had mistakes in his recordings, that his essay wasn't passionate and structured enough, that he wasn't going to get in. He wasn't going to get in but his throat was raspy with practice and the deadline was two hours away and he'd tried his best, so he pressed submit anyway, before slamming his laptop lid closed and burying himself into his bed until his hands stopped shaking and his heart stopped threatening to burst out his chest.
The second most was when he'd received an email, with the ominous words The Juilliard School in the title. He'd shut his door and leaned against it, taking deep breaths through his nose and out his mouth with his eyes tightly shut while blindly tapping his phone screen to pull up the email. He saw the word "sorry", turned his phone screen off, curled up, and tried not to cry. He wasn't successful.
Kyungsoo had come by later that evening and asked for Baekhyun. He looked him up and down, and asked, "Are you okay?"
Baekhyun's eyes must have been puffy, but he grinned anyway. "Peachy. And you?"
Kyungsoo's placid demeanour cracked as the grin slowly spread across his face. "I'm going to New York."
Baekhyun's heart swooped into his stomach, soared up to his throat, smashed into pieces against his ribs. "Oh," he managed.
Kyungsoo's face fell, and Baekhyun tried desperately to smile, but his facial muscles hadn't cooperated and it felt more like a forced grimace.
"Congratulations," Baekhyun tried, he really did, but his heart was everywhere. "I -- I'm sorry, I have to go."
Baekhyun didn't actually go anywhere. After he shut the door on Kyungsoo's surprised expression, he crumpled against the door and let himself cry, because they'd made grand plans together and Baekhyun was the one who flubbed it. Because now Kyungsoo was going to New York and Baekhyun would just be stuck in boring, ugly Bucheon.
It was the dead of the night before Baekhyun picked his phone back up. There was just one message from Kyungsoo, Sorry. I hope you're feeling better. It almost made Baekhyun cry again, because Kyungsoo, whom he'd shared his entire life with, is now going to New York City without him.
Baekhyun's hands were shaking so much he nearly dropped his phone as he carefully typed in, I didn't get in.
Kyungsoo replied barely a second later, a rarity. They have shit taste.
It made Baekhyun laugh, even though he knew it wasn't true.
Right now he's sitting in the corner table of Kyungsoo's mother's restaurant, wringing the paper towels while he picks absently at his ramyeon. Maybe he should just leave. This is silly. Baekhyun should just leave, and he'll see Kyungsoo to the airport tomorrow instead, and then. And then let Kyungsoo leave him.
Baekhyun thinks he's going to cry. Kyungsoo's mother gives him a gentle pat on his shoulder when she passes, and Baekhyun really does want to cry.
"Eomma," he says, voice all strange and small. He clears his throat and tries again. "Will you still give me free jjigae when Kyungsoo's in America?"
Kyungsoo's mother laughs. "Of course I will, Baekhyun-ah." She winks, continuing, "you might even get more now that you boys don't have to fight over it."
Baekhyun grins back at her. His chest still hurts. "Thanks, eomma."
Baekhyun jumps when he hears the bells above the door chime, the way he's done so for the past seven times it's happened. Every single time, Baekhyun looks up and his heart threatens to spill out of his mouth, and he doesn't know if he wants it to be Kyungsoo or not.
Judging by the way his heart goes into double-time when he sees Kyungsoo at the door, he thinks maybe he doesn't.
Kyungsoo's smiling at him. Baekhyun hopes whatever expression his face has decided to semi-permanently twist itself into resembles a smile. Kyungsoo's gotten new glasses before he leaves for America, and Baekhyun had somehow talked Kyungsoo into getting a fashionable pair. They dwarf his features and make him look even cuter than he already is. Baekhyun's chest hurts even more now that he's here.
Kyungsoo slips into the seat opposite Baekhyun. His smile has grown a little more tentative, and there's a furrow between his brows. Baekhyun tries desperately to stop looking so sad, but he can't, not when he really is just that sad.
Kyungsoo is going to open his mouth and Baekhyun is going to fall apart.
"Don't cry," Kyungsoo says.
Baekhyun crushes the heels of his palms into his eyes. "I'm not crying," he quickly says.
"You made a mess," Kyungsoo responds, calm. Baekhyun peeks one eye out and looks at the blurry splatter of soup that was caused by Baekhyun knocking into his soup spoon. Kyungsoo's already mopping it up while Baekhyun blinks tears away.
"I'm not crying," Baekhyun reiterates.
Kyungsoo stands up to throw the tissues away, and Baekhyun barely holds himself back from grabbing onto Kyungsoo's shirt and stopping him from going. Bad Baekhyun. Kyungsoo's not even going yet. He's only going tomorrow. Baekhyun feels his face screw up again and he squeezes his eyes shut. He can hear Kyungsoo's footsteps as he comes back, quiet and clipped without the dragging soles that Baekhyun has. The chair squeaks along the tile and he hears Kyungsoo's heels tap against the footrest of the stool after he swings himself up, as always. Baekhyun really doesn't want to cry.
"If you keep hiding your face, you're going to miss seeing this face for a while."
"Can we go to your room?" Baekhyun says, all in one breath. He swallows, and before Kyungsoo can reply, asks, "Have you eaten yet?"
Kyungsoo hesitates, heels tapping against the wood again. "No."
Baekhyun nods, takes a deep breath, and pulls his face from his hands. "Okay. Eat first. I don't want you to miss eomma's cooking."
Kyungsoo smiles at him. Baekhyun wonders how much more twisted his gut can get.
Baekhyun hadn't wanted to intrude on Kyungsoo's last day in Bucheon. He'd wanted to stay away, stew by himself, maybe let himself get sad a little. He didn't want to steal Kyungsoo away from his own family, he didn't want to ruin Kyungsoo's jovial mood. But some thoughts can't be stopped in their tracks, and before he really realised what he was doing, he was standing in front of Kyungsoo's mother's restaurant and asking if he could speak to Kyungsoo one last time, it'll only take ten minutes eomma he promises.
Kyungsoo's mother had shaken her head, a gentle smile on her face, and told Baekhyun he was family, too.
Kyungsoo's mother replaces the emptied platter of kimchi on the table. The plate of pickled cucumbers is still full, and Kyungsoo nicks a piece between his mother's hands as she rearranges the bowls. A fresh bowl of rice, a pot of army stew. His favourite.
"Eomma," Kyungsoo says, voice curt because he doesn't whine, but gently chiding nonetheless "I'm going to explode if you keep feeding me like this."
Kyungsoo's mother smiles, but there's a funny quirk to her cheek. "You will appreciate this when you can't find it in America!"
Kyungsoo's chuckle is subdued.
Baekhyun watches Kyungsoo eat, slow because Kyungsoo's mother has really been going a little overkill, but steady. Kyungsoo never wastes food. Baekhyun doesn't have such qualms, and he stirs his ramyeon around, still full enough that it threatens to spill over the edge as he swirls the noodles.
"You shouldn't play with your food," Kyungsoo chastises.
"I'm going to miss you," Baekhyun blurts out.
He doesn't dare look up at Kyungsoo's face. He hears the soft click of chopsticks being balanced on the edge of a bowl, the scritch of bowls being moved around a table, and startles when he feels Kyungsoo's hand on the back of his.
He looks up. Kyungsoo is looking at him, and Baekhyun almost shrinks back.
"I'll miss you, too," Kyungsoo says.
A squeeze of his hand, before Kyungsoo pulls back, sits back up, picks up his chopsticks again. Baekhyun is reeling. It's probably the most explicitly emotional Kyungsoo's ever been with him. He feels his face start to screw up again, and restrains it the most that he can.
"I'll come home," Kyungsoo says, voice as calm and steady as ever. "Over summer break."
It's summer now, so summer break is at least nine months away. Baekhyun can't remember the last time he'd gone nine days without Kyungsoo. He nods, anyway, refusing to let his stupid blabbering mouth ruin things more than he already has for Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo finishes his meal in silence, while Baekhyun continues to swirls his noodles around, reflecting the way his stomach feels. This is such a bad idea. Maybe he should just leave, go home. He's seen Kyungsoo now, and he knows Kyungsoo will be safe, he knows Kyungsoo can take care of himself. Kyungsoo can cook (although not as well as his mother), and he can clean, and he isn't whiny and dependent and texting Baekhyun to go play with him all day, anyway. Kyungsoo will be fine.
Baekhyun watches as Kyungsoo dabs a napkin on his lips, and misses the way Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at him.
"Did I miss something?" Kyungsoo says, startling Baekhyun. His chopsticks fall to the ground with a clatter, and Baekhyun swears.
"No, no," Baekhyun says, stumbling off the stool to wipe up the mess he's created.
Kyungsoo's mother comes by, concern etched on her face. Baekhyun really is ruining things,
"Is everything alright, boys?" Baekhyun hears Kyungsoo's affirmation before he pops his head back over the table. "Baekhyun-ah, is the ramyeon not to your taste today?"
Kyungsoo laughs at whatever look of horror forms on Baekhyun's face. "No, eomma! It's delicious, I just -- " Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo for help, and Kyungsoo laughs harder.
Kyungsoo's mother laughs too, shaking her head. "Don't worry. You boys hurry along now, I'll clean up."
Kyungsoo insists on bringing their bowls to the kitchen anyway. He nods at Baekhyun when he's back out, and easily grabs Baekhyun's wrist when they're turning to go up the stairs to Kyungsoo's home. Baekhyun's insides are a mess. He's glad he didn't have any ramyeon; he's sure he would've thrown it all up.
Kyungsoo's room has always been neat and empty, and Baekhyun's always teased him for having no personality to his room aside from the small bookcase of manga and a row of Figma figurines decorating the top. The bookcase is still there, full shelves looking oddly misplaced amongst the other empty bookcases and desk. Everything else has been packed away into the two suitcases neatly arranged next to Kyungsoo's bed.
"You're not bringing Ryoma-sshi?" Baekhyun teases. There's an odd empty space on the figurine shelf, but Kyungsoo's favourite character is still standing there, tennis racket in hand.
"Nope, I'm bringing Oishi."
Baekhyun blinks. "Oh. Isn't Ryoma your favourite?"
Kyungsoo shrugs, nonchalant, but his shoulders curl in a little tighter when he says, "Yea, but you gave me Oishi."
The combination of happiness and sadness that bursts inside Baekhyun bathes the back of his throat with something oddly sour. Kyungsoo doesn't even like Oishi that much; Baekhyun had gotten him Oishi just because he used to joke about how Kyungsoo was cosplaying him after he'd gotten his hair cropped short.
"Kyungsoo..."
Kyungsoo sits down on the bed next to Baekhyun, then flops onto the bed. It's quiet, for a moment, Baekhyun not knowing what to say and Kyungsoo seldom initiating conversation. Baekhyun flops back beside him, and watches Kyungsoo.
"I don't want to leave," Kyungsoo mumbles, so soft Baekhyun's sure he's heard wrong.
"Sure you do," Baekhyun argues. "You've only literally wanted this since three years ago when you started voice lessons."
Kyungsoo sighs. "No, I want to go. I just don't want to leave." Kyungsoo tilts his head, and his gaze is intense when they fix on Baekhyun. "I'll miss you."
"Can I kiss you?" Baekhyun asks, and then he slaps his hand over his mouth.
Baekhyun had planned this, but he hadn't planned for it to bubble out of his mouth like this, uncontrolled and desperate-sounding and so, so fucking sad. Kyungsoo's eyes widen behind his glasses, askew from the way he's lying on his bed, and Baekhyun curses into his palm, sitting up and trying to find a place to run.
Kyungsoo stops him with a hand on his wrist.
"Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo's tone is full of questioning and surprise and doubt, like he's not sure what Baekhyun said.
Baekhyun gasps a breath after he moves his hand away from his mouth. "Sorry. Sorry. Pretend I didn't say anything."
"You want to kiss me?"
Baekhyun shakes his head fervently. Kyungsoo lets go of his wrist, but there are hands on his shoulders now, and one moves to his cheek, and Baekhyun opens his tightly shut eyes to see Kyungsoo much, much too close.
"You want to kiss me," Kyungsoo repeats, and it's not a question this time.
Baekhyun's heart is pounding so hard it's all he can hear, and dumbly, he nods. This is rapidly turning into the most nervous he's ever been.
"Since when?"
"Since forever," Baekhyun blurts out, then swallows. Kyungsoo chuckles at that. Maybe he hasn't fucked up everything yet. "Since the first time I kissed Mirae. I realised I wanted to kiss you instead."
Kyungsoo's thumb rubs along his cheek, and Baekhyun leans into it. They're so close Baekhyun must be going cross-eyed, but Baekhyun never, never wants to leave. All too soon, Kyungsoo leans back and his hands leave Baekhyun.
"K -- Kyungsoo?" Baekhyun leans forward, then hesitates. Maybe Kyungsoo didn't want this. It's okay. Baekhyun had steeled his heart for rejection from the start.
"Sorry," Kyungsoo says, and Baekhyun's heart, despite being freshly forged of steel, shatters anyway. He feels the telltale way his nose sours, and clenches his hands tighter into his shorts.
"Please don't cry," Kyungsoo pleads, and Baekhyun screws his hands tighter into the fabric.
"Sorry," Baekhyun manages to squeeze out.
He hears Kyungsoo sigh. "Idiot. Why are you apologising?"
"Because I've ruined everything. Sorry."
Baekhyun tries his hardest not to lean into Kyungsoo's hand, which has found its way back into his hair, but he can't help it when Kyungsoo is rubbing so gently against the base of his skull.
"You like me?" Kyungsoo asks. Baekhyun hardly ever hears him sound so unsure.
It's all out on the table now, so Baekhyun just nods, pathetically. "Sorry."
Kyungsoo laughs, and it's a strangely giddy sound. Baekhyun's chest goes haywire.
"What's so funny," he tries snapping, giving Kyungsoo a weak shove. Kyungsoo flops over too easily, a thespian when he really puts his mind to it, and rolls onto his side, still giggling. Kyungsoo is giggling. Baekhyun feels his own cheeks start to twitch, and then he's laughing too, clamouring onto Kyungsoo and poking him where he's soft, repeatedly crying, "what's so funny, asshole!"
Kyungsoo flails at him and Baekhyun only relents when the back of his hand catches Baekhyun's arm, a bit too heavy-handed. Baekhyun flops over next to him, grinning at the ceiling, even if the writhing in his stomach hasn't taken a break. Maybe he hasn't ruined everything yet.
Kyungsoo's giggles finally die down, and when Baekhyun looks over, Kyungsoo's smile is still wide enough that his eyes are squinting crescents. Baekhyun thinks he must look the same, albeit not as cute. Kyungsoo turns his face into the bed, shaking his head gently.
"You," he says, in that stern but gentle voice he always uses when he tells Baekhyun firmly that it's time to stop playing LoL and go to bed, or that Baekhyun shouldn't play with his food, or that Baekhyun shouldn't get into shouting matches with his classmates even if it's to defend classmates from bullies. The effect is lost by the way his shoulders hunch up, as if he's embarrassed. Baekhyun gloats in being privy to Kyungsoo like this. "Barge into my mom's restaurant on my last day here, make me want to cry -- "
"I didn't want to -- "
" -- tell me you want to kiss me -- "
"I still do," Baekhyun rushes out.
Kyungsoo actually pauses a little, surprise lighting his eyes up before they fade to softness. "Say you like me..."
He leaves the sentence hanging. Baekhyun wonders if it's a command.
He complies, because not complying with Kyungsoo gets him punched. "I do," he nods, firmly. "I like you."
Kyungsoo's smile is equal parts amused and hesitant. "Then you apologise for it?"
Baekhyun almost apologises again, but swallows it just in time. "I -- I thought you didn't -- " His voice goes small. "You didn't want to kiss me."
Kyungsoo hums a little, as if he's considering. "No, I do."
Baekhyun's heart picks back up in double time, and he has to strain to hear Kyungsoo's next words over the pounding in his head.
"I just wish you'd told me earlier." When Baekhyun's eyes manage to focus on somewhere other than Kyungsoo's lips, there's a hint of sadness in his eyes and it sucker punches Baekhyun right in his stomach. "I'm leaving tomorrow, Baek."
Baekhyun's gut is still rearranging itself. Kyungsoo's eyes look oddly shiny and is he going to --
"Please don't cry," Baekhyun says. "Fuck, Kyungsoo, you know I don't know what to do with crying people."
Kyungsoo laughs, and it's warm where he buries his face against Baekhyun's neck. Baekhyun wraps one arm around, tentative, then struggles with the other arm that's pinned under both of them. It makes Kyungsoo laugh more, and it tickles Baekhyun's collarbones, and Baekhyun wishes he'd told him earlier.
"I miss you already," Baekhyun murmurs, running a hand through Kyungsoo's short, cropped hair. "The Kyungsoo I knew doesn't cry," he adds, and then he yelps because Kyungsoo punches hard.
"Asshole," Kyungsoo says. "Why do I like you?"
Baekhyun probably shouldn't be as excited as he is to hear that. He's jittery when he's excited, though, and Kyungsoo laughs again, shoving him a little. Baekhyun giggles in response, dizzy with happiness as he always is when Kyungsoo's with him, but even more this time because Kyungsoo likes him back.
Kyungsoo likes him back. It takes all the effort Baekhyun can muster to peel himself away from Kyungsoo, and he holds Kyungsoo in place with a hand on his cheek.
"So can I kiss you?" Baekhyun asks, voice a little less loud but a little more confident.
He watches the smile fade off Kyungsoo's face. The expression he settles on is more thoughtful than sad, but it makes Baekhyun's gut twist angrily anyway.
"Don't look so sad," Kyungsoo says, tapping a finger on his chin. "You can kiss me -- "
Kyungsoo ducks just as Baekhyun surges forward, and Baekhyun lands a messy kiss against Kyungsoo's forehead.
"Kyungsoo, wha -- "
" -- when I come back," Kyungsoo finishes. He tsks. "Impatient."
Baekhyun rearranges his gaping mouth into a full-on pout. "You can't be serious."
Kyungsoo shrugs. "You know me better than I do. You tell me if you're serious."
Baekhyun's eyes narrow. "Don't make me pull out the big guns." Kyungsoo raises a challenging brow, and Baekhyun thinks this is really unfair because Kyungsoo doesn't even need to pull out water pistols to make Baekhyun's knees feel weak. "You think you can resist this?" Baekhyun widens his eyes and pushes his bottom lip further out.
Kyungsoo laughs at him and swats at his forehead.
"Ouch," Baekhyun whines, rubbing his forehead. "You're heartless! How could you not want to kiss that pout away!"
Kyungsoo covers his face with a hand, shoulders still shaking with giggles. "I've built up a resistance over the years."
Baekhyun's heart trills. "I very clearly have not," he mumbles.
Kyungsoo peeks out from under his hand. "When I come home. I promise."
"That's next year!"
"Punishment to you for making me wait."
"How was I supposed to know!"
Kyungsoo hums. "I should've just sent an audition tape of all the times I punched you with a fist when I wanted to punch you with my face."
Baekhyun shoves Kyungsoo. This was too much for his heart to take. "I'm going to punch you with both."
Baekhyun is yanking himself on top of Kyungsoo again, when Kyungsoo puts a hand on the back of his neck, and Baekhyun's heart rapidly races its way up his throat to meet it. He tries to swallow it back down, but he feels like he's going to choke.
"Kyungsoo," he whispers.
"Baekhyun," Kyungsoo's voice is grave. Baekhyun wonders if the shiver down his spine is inappropriate.
Kyungsoo shuffles up the bed so that he can sit up, his hand never leaving Baekhyun's skin. His other hand tugs on Baekhyun's, and Baekhyun lands on the bed heavily.
"I'm leaving tomorrow," Kyungsoo says again.
Baekhyun feels his chest crumple, and it must show on his face because Kyungsoo's hand relocates to his cheek.
"I like you a lot, too. But I'm still leaving tomorrow. I don't think I can do that to you. Or to myself, for that matter." Kyungsoo smiles wryly. "What if you somehow find someone better than me?"
"No one's better than you," Baekhyun blurts out, shameless.
Kyungsoo's grin widens. "I know."
"Kyungsoo, I've been waiting for this forever," Baekhyun pleads.
"So what's another 9 months more?" Kyungsoo shrugs, and Baekhyun's eyes narrow because he's learned to see the sadness in Kyungsoo's nonchalance.
"C'mon," Baekhyun says, "You know you want this as much as I do."
"Bet you I want it more."
"I've wanted to kiss you since Mirae! That was 3 years ago!"
Kyungsoo laughs, and Baekhyun fights to keep the exaggerated pout on his face. "I've wanted to kiss you since you asked her out, you idiot. I win."
"If you don't let me kiss you we both lose." Baekhyun whines.
Kyungsoo looks thoughtful for a moment, and Baekhyun's breath catches when his thumb strokes along Baekhyun's nape absentmindedly, then he stops breathing altogether when Kyungsoo's other hand relocates to his forehead, and pushes his fringe back.
"Kyungsoo?"
"Shut up," Kyungsoo says, and he's so close Baekhyun can feel his breath on his forehead and oh.
Baekhyun's heart beats its way out his mouth, face warm but even hotter where Kyungsoo's lips are on his forehead. He lingers, and he draws their foreheads together when they part. Baekhyun blinks owlishly at Kyungsoo, and wills himself not to collapse into a pile of giggles.
One escapes, and Baekhyun shrinks a little, another falling out of his mouth. His cheeks are so, so warm. He looks up, and Kyungsoo is still smiling at him, looking so, so fond and Baekhyun slaps a hand over his face to stop himself.
"Oh god," Baekhyun groans.
Kyungsoo laughs, and Baekhyun peeks out from between his fingers to watch the way Kyungsoo's lips stretch wide his eyes squint into nothingness.
"Oh god," Baekhyun repeats. "You're so cute."
That earns him a smack on his shoulder. Worth it, just for the sound of Kyungsoo's airy, embarrassed laugh.
Kyungsoo doesn't let Baekhyun kiss him back, even though Baekhyun wheedles and whines for ages. Kyungsoo's mother is knocking on the door and asking if they want hotteok.
"She's trying to get me fat enough that the plane won't lift off tomorrow," Kyungsoo stage-whispers to Baekhyun, conspiratorially, but he calls to his mom, "we'll be down in a minute!"
Baekhyun frowns. "I should probably go. It's your last day here after all."
Kyungsoo's face falls a little, but his hand squeezes Baekhyun's wrist tightly. "Who says I don't want you to be around?"
"No, I know you want me to be around. I'm not sure about eomma."
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "Eomma loves you more than I do, so yes, we want you around."
Baekhyun leaves anyway, although his chest is tight when he walks out the door, and it only gets tighter as he walks home. He can't keep Kyungsoo in Bucheon forever, not when he has bigger things waiting for him out there. And when he comes back, he'll have Baekhyun waiting for him.
The ride to the airport is the worst. Baekhyun keeps his hand tight around Kyungsoo's the entire ride there, listening to him chat with his mom, and softly murmur song lyrics under his breath to the songs playing on the radio. The flight is eighteen hours long, and Baekhyun's already counting down to the time when Kyungsoo lands in New York.
He tries his best not to cry, scuffing his shoes against the ground as Kyungsoo checks in his luggage. He waves his tickets in front of Baekhyun, triumphant.
"Aisle seat," he says, grinning.
Baekhyun grins back, and Kyungsoo's face falls. Baekhyun hates that tell-tale grimacing thing his face does whenever he tries to smile through his sadness.
"I'll miss you," Kyungsoo adds, and Baekhyun takes a moment to steady himself.
"You," he says, pointing a finger into Kyungsoo's chest. "Are no longer allowed to not reply my texts. Do you understand?"
Kyungsoo blinks, almost surprised, but Baekhyun's not joking.
"I'm not joking," Baekhyun says, prodding his finger a little more viciously. "And you're not allowed to ignore my game invites."
Kyungsoo's lip quirks a little at that. "My tier is going to suffer."
"I don't care," Baekhyun says. Kyungsoo scoffs, because Baekhyun does care, probably more than Kyungsoo does, but Baekhyun's not joking, so he fights down the smile. "And you're going to Skype me. Every day."
"Okay, that's just infeasible."
"I'll make it happen," Baekhyun says, the picture of determination. Then he lets his hand drop. "I'll miss you, Kyungsoo."
Kyungsoo grabs Baekhyun so fiercely and suddenly it knocks the breath out of him. His own arms wrap around Kyungsoo's back immediately, and buries his face into Kyungsoo's shoulder so he won't cry. He's not going to cry. He's happy for Kyungsoo, so happy his heart feels like it's going to burst. He clings a little tighter, and feels one of Kyungsoo's arms reach up to squeeze his shoulder.
"Are you sure you won't let me kiss you," he whispers, and Kyungsoo smacks him.
Baekhyun pulls back, and Kyungsoo's glasses are askew. He reaches a hand out to straighten them.
"When I come back," Kyungsoo says, voice quiet, hesitant when he adds, "if you still want to kiss me then."
A laugh bubbles its way out of Baekhyun's throat, weird and wet but tingly with happiness. "I'll be waiting for you, Kyungsoo."
Kyungsoo grins back, and Baekhyun is happy for Kyungsoo, so happy his heart is going to burst.
Photos are taken. Baekhyun is a caricature of a professional photographer, shouting too many instructions while tapping away on Kyungsoo's phone. "Yes! Give me that sexy look, that's perfect! Kyungsoo, you're doing amazing sweetie."
Kyungsoo laughs and nearly bats his own phone out of Baekhyun's hand. Baekhyun laughs and swings one arm around Kyungsoo's neck, flipping to the front camera with the air of a professional Instagrammer and takes a selfie. Kyungsoo's eyes are still squinted closed, mouth half-open in a half-hearted protest, and Baekhyun is a blur of motion ducking from Kyungsoo's hand.
"That's a horrible photo, take another," Kyungsoo chides.
"Do Kyungsoo asking for a selfie?" Baekhyun gasps, a hand over his mouth. "New York has changed you, Kyungsoo-ssi."
"Shut your crap, Baekhyun," Kyungsoo says, and he grabs the phone himself. Baekhyun watches Kyungsoo's mouth stretch wide into a grin. Kyungsoo side-eyes him pointedly when Baekhyun doesn't look into the camera, too fixated on Kyungsoo's smile, and Baekhyun smiles too, turning forward.
He drops a peck on Kyungsoo's cheek right as he sees Kyungsoo's thumb reach over to tap the camera button, and Kyungsoo shrieks.
"Oh my god," Kyungsoo says, waving to his mom to let her know she's fine before he narrows his eyes at Baekhyun. "I hate you."
"I like you, too," Baekhyun says.
Kyungsoo's expression softens. Baekhyun thinks he's going to get a confession in return, but Kyungsoo's brother is calling him over, and Baekhyun lets him go after Kyungsoo gives his wrist a quick squeeze. He realises he never got a proper selfie with Kyungsoo, but it's too late, because Kyungsoo's looking down at his phone, checking that he has his boarding pass and passport, and being whisked towards the departure gates.
Baekhyun's gut swoops. Kyungsoo calls his name, and he rushes forward, probably a little too eager, but it just makes Kyungsoo laugh as he practically collides into Kyungsoo's open arms.
"I like you, too," Kyungsoo says.
"I like you too," Baekhyun responds quickly, wrapping even tighter around Kyungsoo. "And I'm going to miss you. But I'm happy for you. I'm so, so proud of you. You're going to be fantastic. You already are fantastic. Remember me when you get an Oscar."
Kyungsoo laughs into Baekhyun's hair, and one hand ruffles it. Baekhyun wants to stay here forever and stop Kyungsoo from leaving Korea and leaving Baekhyun, but he knows how much Kyungsoo wants this. And he can't stop the world from having Kyungsoo. But the world can't stop him from having Kyungsoo, either.
"I'll remember you," Kyungsoo says. "You owe me something."
Baekhyun is grinning when Kyungsoo goes through the gates, and he waves through the glass until Kyungsoo disappears into the crowd. He thinks he's holding up well, and he manages to keep his voice steady when Kyungsoo's mother asks if he's ready to go home. Her eyes are slightly swollen with tears, but even Baekhyun can't find a joke to crack.
It's only on the road back to Bucheon that Baekhyun feels his phone buzz. He opens it to a selfie he hadn't even known Kyungsoo had taken, Kyungsoo grinning into the camera and Baekhyun looking at Kyungsoo like the entire universe was contained in his eyes.
Do Kyungsoo
Gross, but representative of us.
Byun Baekhyun
you're cute and I worship you?
because, true
Do Kyungsoo
I'm not cute.
Byun Baekhyun
awwww
look at that again and tell me you're not cute
Do Kyungsoo
I'm not cute.
You are, though.
I'm boarding now. I'll miss you.
Take care of yourself you big idiot.
Byun Baekhyun
sflkjdlas;kjf;aljsf COME BACK you can't just say that then board the plane!!
why are my messages not delivering
oh right airplane mode
no
):
I'll miss you too ): take care too!!
I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO NOT REPLY
YOU BETTER SKYPE ME THE MOMENT YOU REACH YOUR DORM
I miss you already ): the backseat is so empty without you
okay
I'm gonna stop spamming you
take care kyungsoo and let me know when you're there
and stay safe
don't get mugged!!! or stabbed or idk what happens in america but don't let it happen to you
and I
um
❤❤❤❤❤
yea. cool. yes.
take care!!! have a safe flight!!! SKYPE ME
In between Kyungsoo's ridiculous number of classes and Baekhyun's ridiculous number of upcoming auditions, they Skype (not everyday, although they try at first) and send each other stupid Snaps (after Baekhyun practically forces Kyungsoo to make a Snapchat account) and Kyungsoo really does reply to everything Baekhyun texts (even if it's mostly the eye-rolling emoji). Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo isn't particularly attached to his phone, so it makes his chest feel warm to know Kyungsoo is trying.
His heart aches when the Kyungsoo on his phone screen rubs his eyes, having woken up early just to Skype Baekhyun. Kyungsoo complains about the lack of rice in the dining halls and the rapid-fire pace New Yorkers speak English and the way the wind cuts between the buildings and through his bones, and Baekhyun complains about overlapping audition slots and preparing for entrance exams and having to juggle part time jobs between everything so his mother would stop breathing down his neck. Kyungsoo talks about how grand and bright New York City is, even at night, like there are stars twinkling on earth itself, and about how his tutors are equal parts demanding and patient, his fellow students talented and diligent, and Baekhyun thinks there are stars in Kyungsoo's eyes. Baekhyun wonders if he has anything new to offer Kyungsoo.
"You want to hear my next audition piece?" Baekhyun asks.
The way Kyungsoo's face lights up makes Baekhyun's stomach squirm, because Baekhyun must be lacklustre compared to all of Kyungsoo's incredible, talented friends. But Kyungsoo pays him full attention and applauds politely when Baekhyun finishes, eyes shining with appreciation even as he gives Baekhyun pointers for his audition piece.
"And don't be nervous," Kyungsoo finishes. "You're great."
It's funny, but while Baekhyun was jittery in front of his laptop camera, his heart and hands are under complete control when he goes for his auditions nowadays.
"Maybe it's because there's less on the line," Baekhyun muses absentmindedly, making notes on his score.
"Your entire future?" Baekhyun looks up to see Kyungsoo's brow raised.
Baekhyun laughs, flustered. "Um, yea. I mean. There is that."
His hands are steady when he opens the e-mail from SM Entertainment a few weeks later, even though it'd been the one agency he'd really wanted to get into. He barely registers the words even as he screenshots the acceptance, sending it to Kyungsoo with a series of shock-faced, celebratory emoji. Kyungsoo calls him, and Baekhyun picks up and screams. Kyungsoo is calm as ever, though excitement peeks through in the pace of his words and the way he keeps telling Baekhyun, "you did it, Baekhyun! I knew you would!"
"I'm glad for you," Kyungsoo says when Baekhyun finally stops screeching. "I think this suits you, more than Juilliard would have."
They haven't spoken of the J-word since Baekhyun got rejected, but Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo is right, after all. He's too attached, to Korea, to home. The thought of leaving Bucheon, even if it's just for Seoul, has begun to creep in, and it's already scaring him.
Baekhyun hums. "I'm still glad I tried."
"I'm glad you did, too." Kyungsoo says. "Thank you for doing it with me."
Baekhyun has to wear a mask when he goes out nowadays, but Kyungsoo recognises him anyway, turning sharply towards him. Or, maybe, he recognised his parents. Kyungsoo hugs them in turn, then lets go of his luggage so he can wrap both arms around Baekhyun, and ignores his brother's mock offended, oh yea let's just forget about the brother and hug the best friend.
"Boyfriend," Kyungsoo corrects, and Baekhyun makes a strangled sound. Kyungsoo's mother gasps, but it sounds a little exaggerated. Baekhyun turns to narrow her eyes at her, but he's stopped by a hand on his cheek. "Take your mask off."
"What? Oh -- now?" Baekhyun is still flustered, but one hand reaches behind his ear immediately anyway, never able to reject Kyungsoo. "We're going to get caught and our careers are going to end before they even started."
"You want to wait any longer?" Kyungsoo asks, fingers lacing with Baekhyun's as they hook into the string holding his mask up.
"No," Baekhyun rushes out, tugging it off. Kyungsoo grins, and Baekhyun melts. "Kyungsoo? Can I kiss you?"
Kyungsoo laughs, and Baekhyun's heart pitter patters out of time. "Yea," Kyungsoo says.
Baekhyun takes his time with it, carding his hands through Kyungsoo's hair, so short he can't actually tangle his hands in it so he just cradles the back of his head with one hand and trails another to his surprisingly firm chest. He keeps his eyes open as he leans in until he's getting cross-eyed, then he closes them and colours burst behind his lids. Kyungsoo's lips are soft soft soft as he's always imagined, gentle and so warm and so so right. He presses deeper and he definitely shudders when one of Kyungsoo's hands wind around his waist, thumb catching under his shirt and skimming along his skin. Baekhyun feels like he's falling, but like he knows Kyungsoo will catch him.
He whines when Kyungsoo pulls back, trying to tug him back for more, but stops abruptly when he hears Seungsoo wolf-whistling over the fading sound of blood rushing in his ears. He flushes, but Kyungsoo doesn't let him step away, arm still securely around Baekhyun's waist. Baekhyun is going to die of happiness.
"You're coming home with me, right?" Kyungsoo asks. Seungsoo makes a scandalised noise, and Kyungsoo glares at him.
"Yea," Baekhyun says, still feeling giddy enough that Kyungsoo could ask him to go on the next flight back to New York with him and Baekhyun would say yes.
Seungsoo is smiling in spite of everything, and he gives Baekhyun a friendly punch that nearly knocks Baekhyun over, knees still weak from having actually kissed Kyungsoo. He actually kissed Kyungsoo! He actually kissed Kyungsoo and it was amazing and Baekhyun needs to reel himself back a little. Seungsoo punches Kyungsoo a little harder, though, and warns them against making out in the backseat where he's stuck next to them. Baekhyun wonders if he'll be kicked out of the Do household if he chooses to fuck that and kiss Kyungsoo over and over and over again, but decides that's probably a poor choice given that they've only barely gotten together and that they're boyfriends -- boyfriends -- now.
"Boyfriend," Baekhyun says aloud, and Kyungsoo lets a soft giggle escape, and Baekhyun can't help but join in. "You're my boyfriend."
Everything's the same, really, except now Baekhyun gets to kiss Kyungsoo whenever he wants, and he takes advantage of it, dropping random kisses all over Kyungsoo's face, on all the places he's wanted to kiss Kyungsoo before -- between his eyes when he's pretending to be mad and his brows furrow, on the cheek when Kyungsoo laughs so loud his stomach is hurting and that bit of baby fat on his face is showing, on his forehead when Kyungsoo makes a ridiculous deadpan joke and his face barely twitches even as Baekhyun is doubling over. Kyungsoo's not as openly affectionate, but his hand on Baekhyun's wrist lingers a little longer when he has to let go, he punctuates all his hugs with a little snuggle into Baekhyun's neck, and he does shut Baekhyun up with kisses instead of punches like he'd promised. They always make Baekhyun go a little dizzy with happiness and breathlessness, and he comments that they work better than the punches because those just make Baekhyun whine and make more noise. Kyungsoo responds by punching him, hard, then kissing him senseless again.
Baekhyun has to stay in Seoul over the week for practice, but he makes an effort to come home every weekend. Kyungsoo frowns, because he thinks it's running Baekhyun ragged, but Baekhyun just teases him with it's okay, you'll give me energy, right? and it melts the wrinkles in Kyungsoo's forehead away. Kyungsoo goes to visit often, and complains that all the street food they're picking up in Seoul is going to make him develop heart disease, but he comes anyway and waits for Baekhyun to come out from practice with a bag of deep-fried mandu from the stall the next street over.
It's too soon that the sticky summer heat starts giving way to crisp cool evenings, and Baekhyun knows this means Kyungsoo's going back to New York.
"Kyungsoo," he says. He'd come down to Seoul on a Saturday, and they're on the train back to Bucheon together, even though Baekhyun has to be back the next evening. "You'll be flying off again soon."
Kyungsoo hums. "I'll miss you," he says, and he squeezes Baekhyun's wrist. Baekhyun leans his head against Kyungsoo's shoulder, other hand coming up to give Kyungsoo's wrist a squeeze, too.
"I'll miss you too."
The ride to the airport is quiet. Baekhyun is already counting down to when Kyungsoo will be back home, even before Kyungsoo gets past the boarding gates.
Kyungsoo waves him over after he says goodbye to his family. His mother's eyes already look red and puffy.
"It's harder this time," Kyungsoo whispers, under his breath, and Baekhyun feels his chest ache.
"You want this," Baekhyun says, voice firm.
"I do," Kyungsoo nods, voice just as firm. "But I want this too."
His kiss is long and lingering and leaves Baekhyun breathless. Baekhyun blinks Kyungsoo back into clarity when they part, and he hopes the blurry vision was from lack of oxygen and not because he's crying.
"I want us, too," Baekhyun says. "But I want you to go get your degree. I don't settle for mediocrity."
It makes Kyungsoo laugh, and that makes Baekhyun smile. Kyungsoo grabs him into a tight hug that's almost crushing, and he holds onto Baekhyun's wrist when he pulls back.
"Thank you," Kyungsoo says, eyes squinting into nothingness with his smile. "I'll be back before you know it. And I know, I know -- reply texts, play LoL, Skype so often I almost go over my Internet usage limit."
Baekhyun laughs at that, too. Then, playfully, and even though he'd kissed Kyungsoo at least ten times since that morning, he asks, "so, can I kiss you?"
Kyungsoo bursts out laughing. "When I come back," he says, grinning.
Baekhyun kisses him anyway, before letting Kyungsoo go. "And when you come back!" Baekhyun calls after him as he walks towards the gate. "Don't you dare forget!"
"I wouldn't dare," Kyungsoo calls back, still stifling soft laughter. "You owe me something."