Chapter Text
“Come on, come on, come on, Clarke!”
Clarke lets out a breath – part amusement, part exasperation, part nervous energy – as she trails behind Madi. The closer they get to the edge of the green, the more restless Madi gets.
And the more anxious Clarke becomes.
“They could have come down already and we missed it,” Madi continues impatiently as she breaks through to the clearing – their clearing. The one that’s been the setting for hundreds upon hundreds of radio calls at this point, all left unanswered.
“I bet you we’ll be here until the sun goes down, just so they can come flying through the night sky in style,” Clarke calls out to her, making her own way through the green grass.
She hears Madi snort. “And I bet they’re already making their way towards the green because someone had to make sure we ate before we left.”
At that, Clarke lets out a small chuckle, the kind only Madi can get out of her. She feels the swell of pride she always gets when listening to Madi speak, she’s come such a long way since Clarke found her that first year. She tries to focus on that lightness as she lugs the satellite out to its normal spot, right behind where Madi has settled, watching the sky intently.
Clarke dares to take her own peak at the sky, seeing clear blue.
Nothing at all but clear blue.
She lifts the radio, centering herself and clicking the button.
“Bellamy,” she starts, like always. “It’s been 1,825 days.”
Madi turns around to watch her at her words, encouraging smile on her face.
“Today’s the day,” Clarke finds herself saying breathlessly. “Five years to the day.”
Clarke has to pause at that.
Five years.
She never truly understood that length of time until she had to count every single day of it to stay sane.
She releases the walkie’s button, waiting.
Just like every other day, no response comes.
So, she continues. “I’m pretty sure the air’s been safe for the past couple of months, but I get it. You guys wanted to wait, just to be safe. I’d say the same thing if I was up there with you. Wouldn’t want you guys breathing in toxic air.”
Another quick glance at the sky, still nothing.
“But I promise, it’s safe now. I mean, our green spot is really all there is right now, but the animals are coming back. The sky is blue, just waiting for a ship full of delinquents to break through it,” she adds, unable to contain the hope in her voice. “So Madi and I are making a day of sky watching and radio chatting, assuming that you guys have to launch at a certain time of day in order to get to us and not end up on the wrong continent.”
Clarke watches Madi as she lays back in the grass, settling in for the day they have been counting down to for years.
One more release of the button, one more gap of silence that should be filled by his voice.
She clicks once more. “Like I’ve said, aim for our little corner of green in the world. We’ll be waiting,” she can’t help but add before walking over to plop down next to Madi, walkie and radio never leaving her side.
“Now we wait?” Madi asks, excitement lighting up her eyes.
Clarke wraps her arm around her, pulling her in tightly, reassuring herself that she’s not alone. “Sha, strik natblida. We wait.”
Morning turns into midday, midday blends into dusk, dusk falls to night.
Still, no ship in sight.
“Wow, I was only half-joking when I told Madi you wanted to come down in style. You better hurry before she falls asleep, she won’t be happy if she misses her first look at the ship.”
Still, no response to be heard.
But Clarke refuses to let herself waver, even as Madi starts to nod off in the grass, anticipation leaving her hours beforehand.
“I’m not falling asleep,” she mumbles, right before her eyes fall shut.
Clarke just keeps watching the night sky, ignoring the way the stars seem to be mocking her.
The panic doesn’t truly set in until Clarke sees the sunrise the next morning. As the pink hues bleed into the sky, she can feel fear start to seep into every part of her body, her soul.
She withheld talking to him throughout the night, trying not to wake Madi. But at the first glimpse of the sun, Clarke can’t wait a second longer. She’s waited for too many goddam seconds.
She clicks the walkie.
“Bellamy?”
Release, wait. When Clarke hears nothing for the 1,826th day, dread settles like a weight.
Click again.
“Bellamy.”
Release, wait. Her hand starts shaking, making the walkie tremble in her grip.
Click again.
“Bell…,” she starts desperately, “talk to me. Please.”
Clarke hears the distress in her voice, knows that she’s begging at this point. But it’s been five years. She’s talked to him for five years, stayed alive for five years, hoped and fought and dreamed for five years.
They are supposed to be here after five fucking years.
“Did I miss it?”
Madi’s voice cuts through Clarke’s panicked haze, drawing her out of her own mind. Clarke turns to Madi, watching as she sits up groggily, rubbing her eyes and immediately searching the sky.
A sky that is so painfully empty.
She looks away from Madi as the young girl turns towards her, trying to hide the gutting disappointment written on her face, the tears burning in her eyes.
“Clarke?” Madi asks, worry starting to creep into her words, “did I miss your friends landing?”
Yes, she wants to say.
Let’s go and meet them, is what she should be telling Madi right now.
Instead, what comes out is a scream five years in the making as she drops the walkie and radio onto the green ground.
She knows she scares Madi. Hell, she’s scaring herself.
It takes Madi only a moment more before she’s wrapping Clarke in her small arms, trying to contain Clarke’s wails in her small, determined body.
But nothing can stop this.
Because for the first time in 1,825 days, Clarke finds herself wondering if for the past five years, she’s been talking to the dead.