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When Kaneki spoke, he looked at the stars. Because they were less dazzling than the other’s face, and he could look at them without getting a tremble in his voice. “I’m sorry it all turned out this way,” he told them softly.
When Hide spoke, he looked at Kaneki. Because even under the nighttime sky with an endless cosmo above their heads, that was the only thing that caught his attention. “You say that every time. You know it’s not your fault man.” He said the words as if Kaneki had just apologized for bumping into him on the road.
A small smile slid onto Kaneki’s lips, followed by a deep sigh. He pressed his palms against his eyes, tangling calloused fingers into his ivory hair. “You can say that all you want but it isn’t going to change anything...”
“...I know.” Hide moved forward, voice growing softer. There was a hint of sadness now, but he kept the warm grin nonetheless. Leaning on his elbow, Hide propped himself up beside Kaneki. “I don’t blame you for anything though. You know that, right? All this shit...you didn’t start any of it, Kaneki.”
Kaneki was silent for a moment, taking slow breaths in and out. He knew if he got too upset, it would ruin this. The sky would cloud, the grass would turn back into concrete, and Hide would disappear again. Again and again and again.
For both of them, he had to stay calm.
Hide’s hand suddenly on his shoulder made him tense for a moment. The blonde massaged it, urging Kaneki to relax beneath his touch. “You’ve been sleeping a lot more, haven’t you?” He asked.
The touch was soothing. Kaneki allowed it to rub away the stress in his muscles. “...I’ve had more time lately. I should rest while I can.”
“Five naps a day?”
“I need a lot of sleep, Hide.”
The jab made Hide snort, a laugh bursting from his throat. Loud, cheerful - hearing it was like seeing the sunlight explode from behind the clouds after an entire season of nothing but storms. Without realizing it, Kaneki began to laugh along with him. His was quiet and cautious, but it still felt good. God it felt good to laugh with Hide again. Even if it was just here...
Kaneki laid back, staring up at the stars as their laughter died down. Up above, the moon was waxing. With each passing minute, the shadow edged away, leaving the silver sphere to shine as bright as it wanted. There was almost a warmth that came with it. Kaneki sighed as he let the moonlight wash over him.
Reaching over, Hide pinched his cheek, breaking Kaneki out of his lull. “You’re gunna get lazy if you keep sleeping so much. Don’t let your team down, huh?”
“I know, I know.” He brushed away Hide’s hand halfheartedly, not minding the teasing touch. “...Sleeping is just nice.”
“Well duh, but you know you can’t just do that whenever you want. Always used to yell at me for sleeping in class, now it’s my turn.”
“...It’s easiest to talk to you when I’m asleep.”
They both fell silent then. Kaneki moved an inch away, staring intently at the moon, so much so that his eyes nearly started to burn. The beams shone off of his hair, casting a pale halo around his head. Hide watched closely, searching for words. For just a moment, his smile faltered.
“We’ll have more to talk about if you stay awake longer.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe you won’t miss me so much if you don’t see me as often.”
“...I don’t think so.”
With a frown, Hide sat up straight, moving closer to Kaneki. “Kaneki, you know I can’t stay forever.”
It made his stomach curl and his throat tighten, but Kaneki nodded, still not looking to Hide.
His fingers tapped against the ground as Hide thought. Shadows swam across the moon up above. Taking a deep breath, he slowly said, “...I think this is gunna be the last time I show up like this.”
Dead silence. Both sat wordlessly, staring at their respective objects. All that could be heard was breathing. Just from one of them. Only Kaneki’s breath shook as he labored to keep his emotions from completely spilling over. Hide watched solemnly, not bothering to fake the chest motions now.
Before anything could be said, Hide wrapped his arms around Kaneki’s shoulders, pulling him so that his head rested in his lap. Cold, soft hands traced their way through Kaneki’s hair. Where they touched, silver strands faded back into original black. And the moon began to wane, shadow creeping back in.
Hide sang softly. A gentle nursery rhyme from when they were young. As tears started to stream down Kaneki’s cheeks and his body started to shake, Hide went on, singing the strong and stroking his hair.
The panic began to seep into Kaneki’s chest. The world around them wavered. He was waking up.
Desperate, Kaneki grabbed onto Hide’s wrist. “Don’t leave me,” he nearly wheezed. “Don’t do this again, Hide. I don’t want you to go. Maybe it’s selfish to ask you to stay but...fuck, fuck it, please don’t go.” He was on the brink of losing it. But everything felt so quiet. So numb. Somehow he couldn’t muster the strength to scream or wail or become entirely outraged. Instead, he cried quietly as he gripped Hide’s arm.
The blonde looked down at Kaneki with wide eyes, nearly watering with pity and regret. Even so, he took in a deep breath and managed to stretch his signature smile across his face. “...I said I think, right? Nothing set in stone, you know...” As Kaneki turned up to look at him, Hide brushed away the last of the white, leaving Kaneki pure as the day he was born. The moon was covered, and the light vanished.
His eyes were fluttering now. Kaneki could barely think. He was waking up. God damn it he was waking up. But there was so much to say. So much to fight for. But sunlight was tingling his eyelids already, and Hide was letting him slip away.
“...I’ll be here when you need me Kaneki. Just please...try to stay awake more. Don’t waste all your time living by searching for the dead...”
His voice cut off there. In the darkness, chilled but familiar lips pressed softly against Kaneki’s. In that kiss was a promise of another night, another time. Maybe just one more, or maybe a thousand more. It didn’t matter. It was enough to cling to. Enough to push him through one more day. The moon would wax again, and as Hide worked his hands through his hair, it would wane. Just like always.
Kaneki blinked. He lay on the floor in their small hideaway, a small pile of clothing serving as a pillow. His hair was back to its white shade.
Sure enough, the sky had clouded, the grass was concrete, and Hide was gone again. Without a single trace. Just like before.
Gone but not forgotten. Hot tears still ran down Kaneki’s face, and his lips tingled in excitement, just the same as they did the very first time. Even his heart ached the way it does when you’re reminded of all the things you’ve ever lost.