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His eyes fluttered opened and were met with obsolete plywood. Sunlight from the blurry curtain swayed as the summer wind blew through its pores. The wind continued through the space, ghosting over Hoseok's pearly skin and he wiggled ever so slightly. Hyungwon craned his neck, a smile slowly blooming across his plush lips - and he blew the wind away back as to not disturb Hoseok. Silly. He whipsered to his own subconscious, chuckling inwardly - but the nuance was pacifying, too good to be perturbed. Hyungwon then simply smiled.
The time ambled, and Hoseok was still sleeping soundly on Hyungwon's inner arm. A pair of eyes lingered - as long as dandelion dust flew and fell onto the ground - on the side of Hoseok's pink cheek. The summer breeze heightened, but Hoseok still looked beautiful in only a pair of very short shorts and white t-shirt. There were some patches of sweat on Hoseok's shirt, making irregular dots on the plain shirt. Hoseok's scalp was slightly damp and Hyungwon had been pondering to brush the fogged water away; but Hoseok looked too peaceful - it'd be a crime to disrupt that serenity. Hyungwon opted to keep watching Hoseok.
It was an hour before midday when Hoseok's eyelashes flickered upwards, showcasing beautiful black pearl. Suddenly the empty space uproared, hustle and bustle of sparks and confetti. Hyungwon felt his heart spring and ran in horse speed when a smile broke on Hoseok's lips, eyelids still jaded, heavy with sleep. But Hoseok looked beautiful nonetheless, he always was, and Hyungwon couldn't help mirroring the mimic as he leaned down closer to Hoseok's face, sharp nose ghosting over before he tilted his head aside and claimed Hoseok's lips - soft, pillowy of that pink lips that had uttered countless magic words. Their lips mold together, synchronizing; marching in a steady pattern; a slow morning kiss that wasn't too deep but lingered. Hyungwon's heart soared with love, in every touch, in every breath - although it was their one thousand and one kiss.
Hoseok pulled away first, whining about morning breath for the umpteenth time. Hyungwon chuckled, still amused of Hoseok's baseless worry. In autopilot Hyungwon trapped Hoseok back to his embrace; cupping his sharp jaw in gentle manner before bringing their lips to collision once more. He held Hoseok's face for a second longer; and when he pulled away, the pink dust turned darker on Hoseok's cheeks. Hyungwon never saw a flower bloomed so prettily before.
"Do you remember our first kiss?"
The sudden question almost made Hoseok escape the comfort of their sheets as his cheeks were burning in bashfulness. Hyungwon was quick to wrap his arms around Hoseok's waist, tightening the grip to block all the emergency exit. Hoseok let out a low whine, small pout grazed his lips and Hyungwon had the urge to claim them again. But Hoseok made him refrain from his thoughts as he mumbled softly against Hyungwon's loose shirt, fingers playing with the other end of its hem.
"I do. It was embarrassing."
It really was. Hyungwon wouldn't deny it.
They were not yet lovers; far from friends could be a good description. They were gathered at Hyunwoo's house, socializing like teenager boys should be. The "go crazy" didn't escape their tight grip, even more so when their judgements were clouded. But Hyungwon wasn't filled up with booze until his vision turned hazy; nor was Hoseok. Then Kihyun provoked; above cloud 7 and between Hyunwoo's unconscious fingers trailing over his side. Hyungwon played his role as the sleepyhead, indicating a jumbled mess of a brain he was carrying at the moment - with booze and all. The drumrolls inside his ribcage, however, wouldn't let him put up any disguise; his state was too awake to be the drugged one. Hoseok simultaneously declined after having a shock moment with his blown eyes and opened mouth; partly still not used of Kihyun's bluntness and another part rather shy of the idea. Though, Hyungwon noticed the blush creeping up his cheeks and ears; and Hyungwon thought he could hope once more.
Maybe it was intentional, what Hyungwon did that day when the clock striked 12 at night and everybody cheered a jolly "happy birthday, Hoseok!" - that he came up front and presented himself - with or without Kihyun's provocation. In five seconds stood Hyungwon in front of the man he had been adoring for a long time. It might mean nothing at first, because all they did before was quiet glances and silent smiles. Maybe a light joke here and there ; roaming around the things, mostly. But it was still fun, it was precious. And Hyungwon would be lying if insecurities didn't try to eat him up many nights before; even still going through his bones when he was only a step closer - either to a collision or a schism. Yet he swallowed his bitterness deep down underneath his feet, moved forward with shaking fists and nervous demeanour. He only needed to move.
The world suddenly turned silent as their lips touched. Hyungwon didn't expect any fireworks or big bang; or sprinkles from pinata; or a ridiculously nosy airhorn. But he never once collided with a world without sound that was loud; louder than dolphin's cry. Hyungwon was jerked back to reality when Hoseok pulled away; the pink dust already wormed to every side of his cheekbones and nose. And abruptly the world switched back to boisterus with Kihyun's shrieks and Hyunwoo's big laugh. Hyungwon stole a glance at Hoseok who was looking away; lips swayed in uncertain movements - between embarrassment, childlike annoyance and a little happiness. Cute. Hyungwon thought internally; his own heart didn't go down from its high.
"Uh..there you go. Why so long...I hate."
Hyungwon grumbled, feigned annoyance himself as he looked away. Kihyun's laugh echoed even louder and Hyunwoo tried to prevent him getting choked from air. Hoseok looked even more red from the hasty words, quickly retreating to the guest room to sleep after saying a quick and short goodnight to whoever cared comprehending his regards. Hyungwon whispered back a silent goodnight without looking at Hoseok, too embarrassed to make any direct contact to the said man after their affair. He smiled however, afterwards, long after Hoseok fell into deep slumber and Kihyun and Hyunwoo fought for blankets in the other bedroom. The warmth blooming in his heart; he regretted nothing.
***
"Americano?"
Hoseok turned his head and tilted it up slightly to look properly at Hyungwon. The taller shifted his roaming eyes immediately, hummed in agreement at Hoseok's offer. Hoseok nodded and rose his two fingers up and the cashier tapped some more buttons on the screen. He turned again once more before the cashier had the chance to further ado their orders. Hyungwon caught his attempt immediately as he didn't divert his gaze towards anything else but Hoseok. Hoseok looked slightly taken aback but he quickly reverted back and took his time to smile graciously towards Hyungwon. So beautiful, Hyungwon's heart skipped a bit.
"Do you want to order something else? You were looking at the cakes."
Hyungwon shook his head and indicated that they only needed the coffee as they would go to buffet restaurant for brunch. They slept in really late, much to Hyungwon's benefit as the fatigue from work was weighing him down the night before. Hoseok wasn't much better and he fell into deep slumber as soon as his head hit the pillow. Hyungwon followed him shortly after he, very uncharacteristically, brushed his teeth and washed his face.
But that day, summer was highlighting along the hemisphere; the sky was pastel blue and the cloud was light; and they'd cherish their free thursday with the fresh weather for some quality time rather than flicking through channels or re-running Happy Together.
Hoseok juggled two americanos and a box of macarons with only two hands, stopping midway to slip his forefinger between the cups to not spill six dollars onto the floor. Hyungwon watched the antiques of his boyfriend in amusement; he never failed to place a secret box in front of his feet and surprise him with his picturesque. The steps seemed far yet close but Hyungwon's mind had wandered back to the past once again, tickling his brain for some reality check.
He remembered they jazzed almost immediately after that night; some changes were apparent to their relationship. They scooted closer some more, they touched some more, they kissed some more - and one night, Hyungwon blurted out his deepest feeling because the atmosphere opressed him with uncountable emotions. I love you, he uttered ever so softly that time and the pregnant pause emerged once more as both him and Hoseok stilled on their own spot. Hyungwon was a weakling, for the wonder of the universe, and he didn't dare lifting up his face to decode, let alone to witness any emotions marring Hoseok's face.
Hoseok looked conflicted for a split second before a warm smile bloomed over his lips and soft fingers touched the stubbless jaw, gently shifting the view from dusty tile to an angelic figure. Hyungwon contemplated to close both of his eyes, obstructing any access to heartbreak - or anything, really. He was terrified of rejection; a dark hollow cave that only echoed one's helpless lament. His bones were trembling; he sensed his lips turn chapped, and he could feel his blood slowly running cold along with the hazziness, crawling up beyond his eyes. He felt dizzy. But Hoseok was still smiling when he cupped Hyungwon's face and gave him a gentle peck, a second too long. Hyungwon thought rejection was gigantic, until Hoseok easily dismissed the idea, replacing it with uncertainty - massive; more powerful.
Hoseok chuckled suddenly because Hyungwon must have made an unreadable face, beyond troubled on how to decode Hoseok's respond. He leaned in, close to Hyungwon's ears yet felt so far away from his heart. He whispered back, just as softly or even more, the three words before. And like the wind it elapsed, Hoseok was back to his spot and bid Hyungwon good night, turning on his heels to walk under dimly lit street lamps and faint moon. Hyungwon's heart sank to the pit of his stomach as he watched him leave.
The rendenzvous didn't change anything however; not significantly. If anything, everything went oddly similar, almost as if nothing happened the day before. Hyungwon dreaded that circumstance even more - that the only rope would completely snap and he would be left with absolute nothingness. He became greedy then - of Hoseok's mind, of Hoseok's words, of Hoseok's certainty. And he felt he would go insane camping alone on a rocky shore in a frontier forest. Not able to shout, nor able to hear. So Hyungwon stood up and ran through the borders, trying to trespass and seek for prize - for Shin Hoseok.
Hyungwon tripped and fell and bruised for the many nights afterwards because all Hoseok did was smile; the ever so beautiful smile that Hyungwon still thought even the thorns were smooth. Hyungwon thought he would lose it - the rope he had been squeezing so tight as if his life depended on it. At that time, it might as well be Hyungwon's only source of surviving. So he gave it one last chance; put his last glass of dream at the tip of the rope.
"Would you be mine?"
Hoseok's eyelashes fluttered and it was the most magnificent thing Hyungwon had ever witnessed. The pearl black glossed; reflecting million constellations. Suddenly he just wanted to stop and stare; stuck in time and dimension that was Hoseok. His mind shifted, abruptly stopped the flow of extreme desire that was about to overflow. He thought, in that short solitude, that he wouldn't mind being Hoseok's anything as long as he could stay in his haven. Yet again, Hoseok made a bigger collision as he answered yes; with a sincere smile; with that most sublime smile one could have.
It was always the world of silence that brought Hyungwon to dive deeper into his thoughs and clicked the crochet at the back of his mind. Hyungwon closed their distance in record time, long fingers wrapped around Hoseok's broad shoulder, shaking him gently with repeated really? playing as title track. His eyes had widened to its maximum capacity, eyes searching Hoseok's pearl black for yet another shaky ground. But he found none and suddenly he was aware of the cheering crowds, vociferous whistle and many more. Hyungwon's brain was still trying to push the old vinly inside to round faster; because it was april's fool and it was not the first time Hyungwon ask Hoseok out. His heart shrank with fear of being played but Hoseok's soft palms pulled him back before he could touch the lowest ground.
"Really, Hyungwon. I'm yours."
Hyungwon could feel his legs weakened and he almost gave in to disjoint them. But Hoseok was smiling, so radiantly, and Hyungwon found himself in Hoseok's embrace, heart beating behind his ribcage in high and in relief. He pulled their bodies even closer as if they could mold into one - and Hyungwon wished they really could because finally ; he found home.
***
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Hoseok shook him out of his reverie, placing an americano inbetween Hyungwon's fingers. Hyungwon almost hissed at the sudden temperature change but he was grateful Hoseok brought him back to reality. He sipped on his americano, smiling inwardly at Hoseok's question. He placed the cup back on the table, reached out his damped fingers to brush over Hoseok's scalp. The edges have grown too thick, he thought, he needs some haircut. Hoseok leaned at the touch - it was always nice feeling Hyungwon's fingers running through his hair - because he poured more than trivial thing; there was always affection there. But Hoseok felt unsettled by Hyungwon's silence, so he tugged at the hem of Hyungwon's shirt, eyes turned round in childlike curiosity, demanding an explanation.
Hyungwon almost cooed at the adorableness. Even with twenty-five, he still managed to demonstrate the pureness of one's heart. The genuine heart on sleeves that he sometimes involuntarily spilled because the feelings were too intense. Hyungwon broke into a small smile, placed his palm on the round of Hoseok's cheek and dragged its skin slightly. He shook his head to dismiss Hoseok's worry.
"Nothing serious, don't worry."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Tell me nonetheless."
The frown on Hoseok's forehead almost made Hyungwon feel bad for leaving him in the dark. His eyes narrowed into concered angle and Hyungwon really wanted to kiss him senseless to swipe away the negative expression. It didn't suit Hoseok.
"About the past."
Hyungwon uttered calmly, trying to signal Hoseok that it was not a big deal. Rather, it was a happy memory that replayed in his vision's projector. Hoseok still looked unconvinced, and Hyungwon was brought back to that one big milestone of their relationship sometime ago, when both of them wore their hearts rawly towards each other. Hyungwon had said paragraphs of wisdom the night before, heart hurting with immense empathy towards his other half but he tried to keep his ground to heave Hoseok up.
Hoseok came back the day after, sipping instant coffee on Hyungwon's balcony in chill spring with almost wilting-away-daffodils on the small round table. Hyungwon sat beside him on the other chair, loosing himself in Emil Sinclair and Max Demian. They often had their solitude - a light and easy air to breath, simply appreciating each other presence without words. But Hyungwon sensed a nearing storm, somehow, radiating from Hoseok's hunched figure. He closed his book as soon as Hoseok opened his mouth.
"You know, after yesterday, I thought about your words. Many times. And I finally cried after a long time."
Hoseok sounded tired, very tired. His eyes jadded, a few levels below, and his pearl black wandered aimlessly through the greenery in front of him. Hyungwon carefully set his book aside, dragged his chair quietly beside Hoseok and turned Hoseok's chair to his direction. Hoseok didn't face him immediately, lowering his eyes even more to trail over sturdy pattern on Hyungwon's balcony. He bite his lower lip and nibbled on the inner flesh hastily, a habit Hyungwon noticed when he was nervous or uncertain about himself. Hyungwon gently wrapped Hoseok's sleeves, slowly sliding his palms over it before intertwining their fingers loosely. His thumbs swayed automatically on Hoseok's palms as Hoseok began rambling, pouring his heart more and more.
At some point, Hoseok had began crying and Hyungwon could feel his own eyes brimming with unshed tears. Hyungwon inhaled quietly, letting Hoseok had his moments, squeezing his hands once in a while when the cry stepped up a pitch higher. He wiped the remaining tears between small hiccups and uneven breaths, whispering soothing words to slowly bring down the adrenaline that was wrecking all over Hoseok's body. Hyungwon detatched their fingers and quickly engulfed Hoseok in his embrace, long fingers wrapped around firm waist and back, delicately running his fingers through.
"I'm glad you cry. I'm proud of you."
Hyungwon said calmly, softly, carefully. Hoseok tightened the hug, feeling the need to be as close as possible to Hyungwon. The taller didn't think twice to comply, heart shaking simultaneously with Hoseok's figure. Hyungwon peppered flying kisses on Hoseok's sideburn; each kiss lingered a second or two to fight away Hoseok's fears and insecurities. They stayed like that for a very long time; the sun silently hid behind the horizon and the sky was painted with burst of orange and pink. Hyungwon thought he couldn't love someone as much as this, even for the most fragile cardbox that was offered to him - Hoseok made him fall in love all over again, effortlessly so; and Hyungwon couldn't be more grateful for his heart, his love, his sincere. Thank you, he whispered faintly, for trusting me.
***
Hoseok's frown got deeper and Hyungwon was snapped back to reality for the second time in span of ten minutes. A light sigh escaped Hyungwon's lips; but not long it turned to be a merry chuckle. Hyungwon ruffled Hoseok's hair in fast pace and picked his americano before standing up, offering his other hand to his lover. Hoseok pouted at the lack of explanation but he took Hyungwon's hand nonetheless, americano secured between another set of fingers.
They went out of the cafe, fingers still intertwined tightly. The edges of Hoseok's eyes wrinkled under the blaring sunlight, but he finally splited into a pleasant smile, delightful to be outside in a nice weather; without hustle-bustle peoples hurrying him to move faster, faster, faster. The time really tiptoed slowly, and Hoseok didn't need to put especially inbetween his words because he was always happy with Hyungwon beside him. Hyungwon himself smiled at the sight beside him - Hoseok was always beyond everything.
Abruptly, Hyungwon detatched their fingers, letting Hoseok stepped a few paths ahead. Hoseok whipped his head in speed of light, evidently surprised with the sudden movement. But Hyungwon offered him a meaningful smile; the smile only Hoseok could witness, only reserved for Hoseok and all his being - the one that could express his feelings more than words could.
Craddling a necklace in his hand, Hyungwon closed their distance once more slowly, took his time to trail over Hoseok's moon eyes, his long eyelashes, his slightly sharp nose, the little rounds on his cheeks, his sharp jaw. Hoseok was still staring at Hyungwon with questions stamped all over his face; but Hyungwon continued smiling and Hoseok couldn't help but mimicking it, not when Hyungwon gave him his secret smile.
"Happy monthsary, Shin Hoseok. I love you."