Chapter Text
The drizzling white snow that evening made him crane up his head. He reached out his right hand just to catch some snowflakes. Then, he smiled weakly and brushed off the flakes from his hands. The cold made him rub his hands together, blowing some warm air to those hands. I observed him. He was effortlessly stunning with his winter coat, shawl, and jeans. Meanwhile, here I was, wearing a suit after a meeting. His brunette hair was on point and the snowflakes on his head made him look like a snow angel. Now, he’s taking something from his winter coat; a phone. Out of curiosity, I slowly came near him and stood behind him.
I didn’t know whether he was sad, confused, or annoyed, but one thing for sure, his face said that he was not happy. He put two thumbs over the screen, the fingers dancing on it. Looking from behind, I knew he was writing a message, deleting, writing again, and deleting again. It seemed like he didn’t find the right thing to write, so he frantically pressed an icon which brought him to his home screen.
I took a peek on the screen. From his behind, the view was very clear.
It was a picture of –what I guessed- the younger version of him and another man. Their cheeks glued together and they were grinning widely, as if the happiness in the world just existed between both of them. I smiled at his crooked teeth that were shown in the picture. I knew I was behaving like a pervert, crazy man, but I couldn’t help myself.
***
“Seunghyun, I am sorry. I can’t continue this,” he said nonchalantly.
We were in a café that we often came to. It was near the building where I worked at. It was a lunch time on Thursday. Considering that he lived and worked quite far from the area, thus taking time to reach the café, it was a very unusual time for us to meet. When he phoned me and he said that we have to talk, it was the beginning of my uneasy feeling. I really had to muster my courage to drag my feet to the café. Then he said that he was sorry?
“Why, Ri?” I looked at his eyes, demanding an explanation from him.
“I love Youngbae.”
I froze in my place, but my eyes still looking at him. “Love? What do you mean?”
“I just realize that I love Youngbae more than you, Seunghyun.”
“I—” I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t find the appropriate sentences to express my feeling. So many words in my head, so many things to say, but they got stuck in my throat. It was too much. “I couldn’t believe what I heard, Seungri. I heard you wrong, right? I must have heard you wrong.” I shook my head in disbelief.
“You didn’t, Seunghyun. I said I love Youngbae and we should stop this. I can’t do this when Youngbae showers me with unconditional love while I’m having an affair with you,” he moved restless in his seat, biting his lower lips while avoiding my gaze.
“But you promised me you would divorce Youngbae and live with me?” I gritted my teeth and fisted my fingers so hard. But I felt pain. It was real. The break up was real.
“I know I am a jerk, Seunghyun.”
I sighed at the sudden burst of memories. I hated the falling snow around me and you –us. It would always remind me with the heartbreaking moment, remind me of Seungri. I stared off into the distance and put my hands into my coat, not knowing what I should do.
“Seunghyun…” He called me weakly.
I turned my face to look at him, trying to find a slight lie. A slight lie to glue my heart that was already smashed into smithereens. Despite my effort, I only saw an unsaid plea, that was to leave me. What should I do? Listening to his words was like thousand needles stabbed my chest at the same time; it’s painful, but I was still alive. I closed my eyes and raised my fist up in the air.
THUD !
I hit his stomach as hard as I could, turning my back on him and walked away. I closed my ears at him screaming my name.
Fuck you.
***
I really hated winter and snow since that heartbreaking moment. I knew I was wrong. He couldn’t sit onto two chairs at the same time, so he had to choose chair. Finally, at the end, it wasn’t my chair that he chose to sit at.
Every winter, I would escape to a tropical country and stayed there for a while until I couldn’t see any traces of snow. It had almost been my third winter escapades until this time. This year I had to attend important meetings and unfortunately, it was not a thing I could send a delegate away as my replacement.
Unfortunately, the meeting room was almost surrounded by window and I could see the snow falling. I couldn’t count how many times I had to go back and forth between loosening up my tie and tightening it because I couldn’t stand the air that suffocated me. I tried to be professional, but I couldn’t fight the memories and the trauma. After the agonizing three hours, the lady luck still not bestowing her lucky wand to me. The assigned chauffeur suddenly had a flu and I had to take a bus to go home.
During the walk to the bus stop, I brushed off the falling snowflakes like a mad man. The people in the pedestrian were looking at me, but I didn’t give a damn about it. I hated snowflakes and the memories of him.
If only the snow could bury the memories as it piled up.
If only.
If I could erase the memories of him, would I be happy?
***
Slowly but sure, the people were crowding at the bus stop. I looked at my watch to read the time. Ah, I forgot Fiery Friday, the beginning of the weekend and it was usual for the people to crowd at the bus stop. Their destination would be home or out to see their friends.
After ten minutes standing amidst the cold evening, a bus finally arrived. I searched for the bus number –it’s not the one I was expecting. I sighed. Realizing that he also was still standing beside me, I stole a look at his phone screen again; he was still staring at it, almost without blinking his small eyes. He pressed the envelope icon again and then wrote something. I glanced at the receiver's name.
Yongie, with some hearts after the name.
Despite the long message he had written, he erased it again and again, and he shook his head. The same like before, he pressed the home button and looked at their picture again. I moved to stand beside him and mustered all my bravery and said something to him.
“He’s cute.”
“Riiiighhhhttt?” He suddenly turned his face to me and smiled widely. Then he realized that I was a stranger for him and covered his mouth and bowed. “Sorry. I was just—”
“It’s okay.” I cut him and smiled. “I was the one who took a glance at your phone. I should be sorry. I am sorry.”
"It's fine by me." He looked at me and scratched his head. “I was just, too excited...” He let out a weak sigh and took a final look at his phone.
I didn’t know where I mustered all my strength, but when my mouth moved, all I was saying was the shameless sentences. “Do I want to know? If you don’t mind I’m prying, though.”
I smiled to him. Hoping he wouldn’t mind the intrusion to his privacy.
He looked at my eyes, then took a deep breath. “I guess there’s no harm about talking this to a stranger.”
I reached out my right hand. “I’m Seunghyun, by the way.”
He raised his eyebrows, hesitantly answered my hand. “Daesung.”
“Now we know each other and I guess there’s a slight harm when you talk your secret to me, Daesung-ssi.” I grinned widely at my silly attempt to talk to him.
“Well,” he shrugged his shoulder and replied my grin with a warm smile. “What could you do, anyway?” A slight of mock was surely mixed into his voice, as if he was testing my empty threat.
“Track your phone, maybe? I might be one of a secret agent that are spreading out in this country.”
“With that suit,” his fore finger move up and down my suit, “Yes. You could be one of them. A very silly one, I might add,” he scoffed and rolled his eyes funnily.
I laughed. “So?”
“Well, long story short, I am in love with the cute guy you saw on my phone but I am not sure if he feels the same. Now I am hesitate to choose between calling him, meeting him, or sending him message to let him know about my feelings. I don’t want to be hurt. I’m afraid if this is just an unrequited love.”
“Wow, short indeed,” I bobbed my head at the explanation.
“You don’t have to know the details,” he sighed again, eyes became droopy like a puppy whose master didn’t want to play with it. It was very familiar, and I had to suppress the weird feeling in my stomach.
“I am sure I want to know.”
“We just started this conversation not too long ago, Seunghyun-ssi.” He huffed a laugh. “But I appreciate your time. It’s strange, though. I never been so open with a stranger before.”
“We’re not strangers, Daesung-ssi. We know each other’s name.”
His lips tugged up into a smile again, showing his crescent-moon eyes and I was one hundred percent sure that my heart skipped a beat.
“So, any comment?” he asked after finishing his amusement at my silly attempt to entertain him.
“I don’t know. You know your heart. What does it say?”
He looked at his phone for a while, then he smiled. “I think I know what I have to do. Oh my! That’s my bus.” He pointed to the upcoming bus.
All of a sudden, my phone vibrated. I got a call –it’s from one of the important clients I met at the meeting. I saw Daesung got on the bus and he was waving at me. I looked at the blinking screen of my phone.
Shit. I haven’t asked his numbers. I didn’t asked his full name. I only could watch the bus disappeared at the corner.
My phone was still ringing.
The snow was still falling.