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Chapter Text

Tony never expected things to go like this after New York. He never expected the team to be anything close to an actual team. Bruce had been right when he called them a ticking time bomb. He never expected to get close to any of these people. The Battle happened and then they all went their separate ways, off into the wind. The only other person he saw was Bruce and that was because he dragged the man into his labs personally. He never expected to be a true part of it. Consultant, remember? Arrogant, selfish, textbook narcissism, doesn't play well with others. That's him. And, out of everything else, he wasn't expecting to fall in love with Steve Rogers.

But maybe that part he should have been expecting all along.

Growing up, all Tony had heard about from Howard was the great Captain America, the amazing Steve Rogers. He was the peak of human perfection in every way – strong, kind, brave, smart, charming when he wanted to be. He was the expectation of Tony's entire life.

It started off as hero worship when he was a kid. It turned to bitterness by time he was a teen, in MIT, and still not able to measure up. He was always lacking, when it came to the Great Captain America, saviour of us all. Whatever. Who needs Howard's approval? Tony is smarter than him anyways.

And then he learns this so called Great Captain was alive. He had been frozen for decades and now, when they thawed him out, turns out he survived. So he can continue to be the great saviour of us all. Great. Super. Fantastic. Call him with something really important happens next time.

Next then he learns that he is going to actually work with the man. Agent made the decision to bring him in and now he is going to be on a team with him. His child self would have been thrilled. His teen self would have spit in his face. Now? Tony isn't sure what to think, so he decides to wait. Overall, he isn't impressed. They rub each other wrong and fight and growl at each other like two alpha wolves competing for the title.

But, somehow, they work. They stop the aliens and save the world and go out for shawarma afterwards. It's good. When they part ways, he doesn't expect to see them again until the next threat, frankly. Why would he? Sure, a bond is formed, but one battle a team does not make. There is more to it than that. So he goes back to his Tower and drags Bruce along with him. He repairs the building and helps rebuild the city and then moves on.

But in the back of his mind, he can't help thinking about it. Eventually the team is going to need a place to stay, all together. He's seen what's out there. He knows what's coming. He has enough panic attacks about it. So he starts to prepare for that too.

He had thought about making the Tower the central for the team. But then he thought about how many other superheroes were popping up in the city. And he thought about the trouble it might cause if someone decided to attack Avengers headquarters. And how, while he could redesign the Tower, this isn't what it was built for. So he looks at the land he owns and finds a perfect place to build. It's an old warehouse of Howard's that hasn't been touched in years. Perfect. He begins construction immediately.

He makes sure it has all the necessary things like a gym sturdy enough to hold up to Rogers and Thor's strength, a shooting range with high tech targets that can move, a swimming pool – not that he would ever go near that one. He makes a living room filled with couches and chairs and pillows and blankets. He adds all the gaming systems one could ever want, a huge flat screen, DVDs and games already programmed into it, via JARVIS. He designs bedrooms and a large enough kitchen, a big dining room. A workshop for him and a lab for Bruce. Basically anything he thinks the team would need to make the place a home.

It takes time, but that's fine. So does the team. Bruce has already left for parts unknown again, not use to staying in one place. He misses him sure, but he sends him off well prepared, no matter how much the other man protests. His science bro isn't going to lack for a thing.

And in the meantime, he still has a Company to run. He has a wonderful girlfriend to date. He has his panic attacks to deal with. He's not lacking in things to do while he waits. While he prepares. Because, one day, it's going to be needed.

But then shit goes down. The Mandarin happens and Extremis and Killian. Everyone thinks he's dead and he's not sure if he should contact the team or not. Then everything happens all at once and he falls back on relying on himself, like he has always done. Rhodey helps of course and Pepper gets turned into a badass against her will. But in the end, it always seems to come down to him and his messes. He has to atone for his mistakes.

Besides, Rogers didn't pick up his damn phone when he called anyways. After all, nothing important. It's only the President of the United States of America. Why would he think Captain America would be of use?

The only saving grace out of this whole mess was that his bots were out of the house and into the Compound when it got destroyed. He isn't sure what he would do if his bots got damaged in the process. He'd never forgive himself.

So life goes on. He has the arc reactor removed and Extremis tweaked. Pepper has it removed entirely and Tony... may have injected himself with that tweaked version. And not just so he can have his operation either. Not that he mentions that to anyone.

Pepper decides she has had enough of this. She can be his friend. She can be his CEO. But she cannot be his girlfriend. Not after this. Pepper is a strong woman, he knows. She can take whatever he throws at her. She has always been there for him. But his world is changing and she can't change with it. She is still loyal, but her world is the business world, not superheroes and villains. He understands completely. He still wonders how this is his life sometimes.

And then Captain America is declared a fugitive and Fury is killed and the Winter Soldier is real. What a fucking disaster. Tony isn't surprised when he doesn't get a call. A bit pissed, but not surprised. At least Tony had tried. So, instead, he works in the background and grits his teeth when he has to clean up their mess. He prioritizes the information Natasha dumps, making sure it is HYDRA's secrets that are spilled and not anyone else's. He rolls his eyes at the dramatic way they take down the helicarriers. As if he didn't send JARVIS into their system first thing. He wishes someone would pick up their goddamn cell phone.

So SHIELD falls. Cap gets the shit beat out of him. And apparently no one stays dead. Ever. Because, as it turns out, the Winter Soldier is actually Bucky Barnes. Of course he is. Of course. Why the hell not? If it wasn't for the fact that he knows where Aunt Peggy is, he would expect her to pop up next. Hmm, he wonders if Extremis can help with Alzheimer's...

But after all that shit, then the team finally comes together. It is as messy as the first time, but Tony can't help but love it. He is an extrovert, he thrives on people. And these people, slowly but surely, are becoming a team. An actual team. Sure, they drive him crazy some days, but they are growing on him. Bruce returns and he has someone to talk science with. Clint is there to joke around with and watch cheesy movies and basically be obnoxious to. Natasha is like the scary, protective sister you never want to piss off. Thor... well, to put this in the nicest way possible, Thor is the golden retriever of the group. Not that he's trying to be an ass – this time – but Thor reminds him of a lovable, hyper dog. Plus, it's not like he's not stupid or anything, just not the best with Earth culture yet.

And then there's Steve.

Steve, who he finds out, is just as perfect and as wonderful as Howard always said he was. Not because he actually is perfect, but because he's not, but he is still the best person Tony knows. God he is so screwed.

“Hey Cap,” Tony greets when he walks into the kitchen.

Steve looks up from the newspaper – the actual newspaper, not an electronic copy – and smiles. “Hi Tony,” he says.

Tony feels his insides melt. Just a little bit. Thank fuck there are no mind readers on the team. His reputation would never survive. All this pining he is doing? Pathetic.

“Anything interesting?”

“They covered the latest battle on the front page.”

Tony rolls his eyes as he pours himself a cup of coffee. “Giant rabbits,” he mutters, “dear fuck, someone is either on acid or wants to good laugh. Giant rabbits . How is this my life again?”

Steve snorts in amusement. “How is it all our lives? Pretty sure none of us knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this.”

“I'd say the aliens were a good clue,” Clint tells them as he walks in, “Anyone accusing us of killing Bugs Bunny?”

“Not yet,” Steve tells him dryly.

Clint pulls some leftover pasta from the refrigerator and pops it into the microwave. “Personally, I think we're all on acid and just don't know it. Some douche probably put it in the water and let us all drink it. Who'd know?”

“Don't be an idiot,” Natasha draws as she casually steals the pasta from Clint.

“Hey!”

“It's most likely distributed through several fast food restaurants. It would hide it better and everyone eats it anymore. Too many people drink bottled water for your theory to work.”

“What about the health nuts? I bet they don't eat fast food. And give me that, I was going to eat that Tasha. Find your own!”

“And that's why I am not simply referring to McDonald's and such, but a variety. Really Clint,” she rolls her eyes and doesn't give Clint his food back.

“Fertilizer,” Bruce tells them.

“What?”

“That would be the best way. It is unavoidable that way. No one is so self sufficient that they produce all of their own food. It wouldn't matter what you ate or where you got it from, eventually you would eat something that the acid fertilized,” he reasons.

Tony laughs. “I'm with Brucie Bear,” he agrees, “that would work the best.”

“But what about Steve?” Clint asks, “wouldn't the serum burn it up before it affected him? He can't get drunk after all.”

“With how much he eats?” Tony taps his finger to his chin, “hmm.”

“Depending on how much was introduced to his system and in what quantities, as well as taking into account of how often it was, theoretically it could be possible,” Bruce speculates.

“Great! That means Steve is as crazy as the rest of us,” Clint grins. “Ow! Tasha, that hurt.”

“Then do not be such a child.”

“Oh like you're any better? You just pretend you are.”

“ That would explain why I live here ,” Steve teases.

Tony grins. It would explain a lot, but he can't say he minds. Over the past two years or so, he's gotten use to these nutcases. He can't imagine life without them anymore.

“So Steve,” Tony says as he sits next to him, “there's a new Star Trek on at the theaters. Want to go see it? We can grab a bite to eat afterwards at that pizza shop you like.”

“Sure Tony, that sounds great.”

“Yeah, what time?” Clint butts in.

“Does it look like I was talking to you Legolas? Sorry, plus one only.”

Clint sticks his tongue out at him. “Bros before hoes man, I thought we were cool?”

“Don't be an idiot Clint,” Natasha says before she takes another bite of her stolen pasta. “It's date night. Let the parents have their fun.”

As expected, whenever a comment like this comes up, Steve rolls his eyes at them. “And I expect you to be in bed by time we get home. No staying up late to watch horror movies now.”

“But Dad!” Clint fake whines.

“I mean it. Bed on time or no TV for a week.”

“No fair,” Clint continues to pout.

It always makes Tony's stomach flutter to hear them joke like this. He knows Steve doesn't mean it. He knows they are just joking around. It doesn't have any special value to it. Not to the soldier. But it does to Tony. He has yet to work up the courage to ask Steve out for real, but he takes any chance to spend time with the man. He is sure the others know, especially by now, but they never say anything. He's more than thankful for that. He doesn't want Steve to freak on him. He is taking baby steps with this. Very, very, very small baby steps. He doesn't want to mess this up.

“Super. Show time is at six fifteen. Are we gonna take your bike?”

“You think I am going to let you drive?”

“As if you're any better Cap,” Tony bumps his shoulder, “You just get away with more. No one wants to disappoint Captain America.”

“It's the pout. No one wants to make Captain America pout,” Clint adds, smirking.

“I do not pout.”

“Lies. Lies and slander,” Tony shakes his head, “who knew Captain America could be such a bad influence. No wonder America's youth is going down the drain, with you as their role model.”

“I thought that was you?”

“No, no. That was last week. This week you are definitely the cause. I think someone caught you cussing out Bugs.”

“Captain, language,” Natasha fake gasps.

“It was going to eat me. Forgive me for being a little shocked.”

“Is that what they use to call it?” Bruce asks innocently.

Tony cackles. Oh how he loves his science bro.

“Knock it off you guys,” Steve grumbles.

Tony throws his arms around the other man. “Don't worry Steve, you're still my favorite,” he reassures jokingly. Or at least it sounds joking. He's serious though. Steve is definitely his favorite.

“It's true,” Clint adds, nodding vigorously, “he's always pining when you're not around.”

Tony gives Clint the finger.

Natasha sighs. “Men.”

Tony reluctantly lets go of Steve. “See you tonight buttercup.”

“Bye Tony,” he says fondly, smiling.

-xxx-

They are eating when it happens. The memory of this night will forever be burned into Tony's mind. The night he learns it is all for not. The night he learns he can never win.

“...Honestly, Cumberbatch was what made Khan this time around. Not sure how I felt about the rest of the movie,” Tony continues.

“I don't know,” Steve says slowly, “I can see where he is coming from.”

“You can see where the mass murder is coming from? Something you want to share with the class Steve?” he raises an eyebrow.

Steve shakes his head. “No, not that part. I don't condone the violence. Killing is wrong. But how he would do anything for his crew... that part I can see,” he gets a distant look on his face and Tony knows exactly what he is thinking about. Or, rather, who. Barnes. Bucky. Steve's best friend. He still looks for him, when he can. He still thinks about him. He still misses him more than anything.

It's another reason why Tony has never said anything. Because he has his suspicions and he doesn't want confirmation of them. This is painful enough as it is.

He grabs Steve's hand. “We'll find him eventually. Just give it time.”

“It's been years now. I should have found him by now. I should be there for him.”

“And you will be. When you finally find him, you'll be there for him. But, Steve, you know the only reason you haven't yet is because he doesn't want to be found. He's in hiding for now.”

“But he shouldn't have to hide from me. He's always been there for me. I want to be there for him. I'll take care of him this time around. Till the end of the line,” he murmurs.

“Steve,” Tony sighs. He gets it. He really does. Or, at least he gets it as well as he can. Steve had lost his entire world in a heartbeat. One minute it was the 40s. The next it is seventy years later, a new century, everything he knew gone. It has to be rough. It has to be more than rough. It has to be devastating. He can understand why he is clinging to the past. But that isn't going to change things now. He can't go backwards, only forwards. And Tony is a futurist. He's not saying, that if he were in Steve's position, he would do any better. But he is use to looking forward, to things he can change. Clinging to the past has never helped him before.

Sometimes it feels as if Steve isn't even trying to fit in. That he is just floating through life. He has to wonder what SHIELD did, to prepare him for this new century. Anything? Or did they just throw him into the deep end, thinking he'd be fine.

Maybe he just needs a reason to look forward. One that isn't rooted in the past.

Tony shakes his head to be rid of these thoughts. No. He isn't going to go there. Not right now. Not with Steve sitting across from him.

“You okay Tony?” Steve asks, concerned.

“Yeah, just a stray thought. I'm fine,” he smiles to prove his point. It doesn't feel completely convincing, but it puts Steve at ease.

“You and that head of your,”he teases the genius.

“I can't help it if my thoughts never stop. Everyone always thinks how great it would be. No one ever talks about the down sides of it.”

“What, that you think you can build the Death Star at two am?”

“That was a great idea,” he defends, “It just had some minor bugs, that's all.”

“Or the transporter?”

“The explosion wasn't that bad.”

“Or the AIs in the kitchen appliances?”

“Skip loves me. I don't know what your problem is.”

“ My problem is that it's a toaster . Toasters shouldn't talk.”

“He is a fabulous creation and I'll warn you not to insult him. Or do you not want your bread golden brown in the morning?”

“It won't let Thor near it.”

“Which goes to show what good sense he has. Have you seen what Thor does in the kitchen? It's not pretty. Skip is the fourth toaster we went through – this month.”

“And now he has to use the oven for his pop-tarts.”

“He'll survive.”

“He eats at least two boxes a day.”

“It's not my problem the man has a pop-tart addiction. He needs professional help for that. Do you think there is a pop-tart anonymous out there?”

“Isn't there suppose to be anything out there these days?” Steve shrugs. “If not, give it a day, it'll exist.”

“Oh, look at you,” Tony coos, “Figuring out the 21st century. That is true indeed young grasshopper.”

Steve smiles, but it's a sad smile. He doesn't say anything though, just takes another bite of his pizza. He stares out the window as he chews.

Damn Tony and his big mouth. Why does he always have to say the wrong thing. “Would you go back?” he blurts out, not at all what he was intending to say.

“What?” Steve asks, brows furrowed.

“If you could, would you go back to the 40s. Live your life there?” This is not going to make things better, but now that he said it, he can't help but wonder. Would Steve go back if he could? Would he leave his new world behind for his old one? Would he think about it or decide instantly? Would he regret his choice?

Steve pauses for a long moment. “If I could... if the world was safe from Red Skull... if I could save Bucky and have that dance with Peggy...” he stops and doesn't continue. He goes back to staring out the window again.

But Tony doesn't need him to finish. He knows. He knows what Steve was going to say. He knows what he would choose. And it wouldn't be Tony. Stupid. He is so stupid. Did he really think Steve would choose him? That he isn't that important to Steve. He should have known better. He did know better, but he allowed himself to hope anyways. He can't help himself.

Steve is just so easy to love.

He pushes his feelings down. This changes nothing. He knew he never had a chance before. This is just confirmation. That's all. It doesn't matter. He can still be friends with Steve. It's not as if he can actually go back in time and leave Tony. Sure, as long as Barnes is alive, Steve still has some of his past in the future. And Tony will never have a chance.

But that's fine. It's all fine.

It's just his feelings after all. Nothing important.

He just wishes... But no. Best to forget about the entire thing right now. He may not be able to stop loving Steve, but he does not have to be so pathetic about it. He will not whine and complain about how unfair it is. Stark men are made of iron. He'll get over it. Eventually.

Hopefully.

Whatever. Time to move on. “Steve-” he doesn't know what he is going to say exactly. Something witty and funny and charming. Something that will make Steve smile again. Make his eyes light up. Something to take that offal sadness off of his face. Something .

But Steve's phone interrupts him. He gives Tony an apologetic glance, but answers it. “Hello?”

Whatever is said on the other side makes him freeze.

“He... he's really... are you sure?”

More tense silence.

“Yeah, yeah I'll be right there. One second. Just – Yeah, just keep him there. I'm on my way.” Steve jumps up from the table.

Tony grabs his arm before he can rush off. “What's going on?”

“Bucky,” Steve breathes and is gone.

Tony stares after him a long time before finally signaling for the check. He gets the feeling that this is an end of an era. And any chance of happiness he had just ended with it.

-xxx-

Tony doesn't hear from Steve for a week. A week of nerve racking, unyielding, unfocused silence. It's as frustrating as it is worrying. He can't concentrate on anything . Pepper about had his head at the one board meeting he showed up to. Even retreating into the workshop doesn't help. He keeps blowing things up.

“I'm sure he'll be fine man,” Clint reassures him when he comes up for air.

Tony doesn't say anything as he takes a seat. He doesn't know how to explain it's not Steve's physical well being he's worried about without sounding pathetic. Just because the others most likely know about his sad, pitiful crush doesn't mean he wants to admit it out loud.

“He'll be back soon,” the archer continues, “and then you two can be all cute and shit again. You know how he gets when he comes back from one of these.”

Tony nods while suppressing a wince. Yeah, he does know. And it's never pretty. Tony's fairly sure that Steve suffers from at least a mild form of depression, if not more so. It makes sense when you take in some of his past behaviors. The peak of human perfection does not mean invincibility. Steve Rogers is just as vulnerable to mental illness as anyone. But no one wants to admit it, because it is Captain America. Himself included.

Sometimes he has to remind himself that Steve isn't perfect, no matter how much he may seem so. Just because Tony believes him to be imperfectly perfect, doesn't mean he is. He is still human. He can still fuck up. He still has problems and doubts and worries like anyone else on this crazy planet. It's hard because, growing up, all he heard about was the super duper, great, amazing, glorious, spectacular, always-going-to-be-better-than-you Captain America. He had the posters and the action figure and the comics. He was a fanboy to rival Coulson.

He was basically programmed to fall in love with Captain America. And falling in love with Steve Rogers was just as easy, if not more so. Damn Howard. Damn Rogers. Damn his fucking life.

“Don't quit your day job Legolas.”

“Of course not, you'd be lost without me.”

“Naturally,” Tony deadpans.

Clint cackles.

It's after Clint leaves that Steve comes into the kitchen. He's back. Finally . “Hey Tony,” he greets, somewhat sheepishly. But that doesn't take away from the pure joy radiating off of his face.

Tony's heart sinks. He raises an eyebrow in an unimpressed manner. “Hey yourself soldier. Imagine seeing you around. Come here often?”

“Err... sorry?” he questions more than says. As if he doesn't know why he should be apologizing.

Tony sighs. “None of you should quit your day job.”

Steve furrows his eyebrows. “What?” he asks confusedly.

“Nothing,” Tony waves him off, “Shall I assume from you sun shining face that your found Barnes?”

Steve brightens immediately. “Yes. Well, technically Sam found him, but he made sure Bucky stuck around so I could talk to him.”

Sam Wilson, the Falcon and unofficial Avenger. Unofficial because he doesn't want to leave DC yet. He assumes it will happen eventually, but until then, he's essentially in the same category as Rhodey – call for emergencies only. Tony also doubts that Wilson 'made sure' Barnes stood anywhere. The man may be good. But against the Winter Soldier? No.

It seems Barnes is finally ready to come home.

“So where's your soldier boy now?”

“He's in the city right now,” Steve tells him.

Tony is impressed. He didn't think Steve would let Barnes out of his sight. “Alone?”

“Sam is with him.”

Ah, that makes more sense. “Why not bring him straight here? And does that mean Birdman finally going to join us then?”

“Not yet. He has a few things to wrap up first in DC before he makes the final decision. And Bucky... he wanted to make sure it would be okay with you first, before he moved in.”

That surprises Tony. No one has ever asked if it was alright with them to move into the Compound. He built it specifically for the team after all. Why wouldn't it be alright? “Sure, why would I have a problem.” As if Steve would stick around if he denied him anyways. He'd be gone so fast, Tony would probably be able to see the smoke as he ran away.

Steve shifts awkwardly. “Well, you know, HYDRA programming and all,” he rubs the back of his neck, “Not that he's going to wake up in the middle of the night and kill anyone,” he quickly reassures. He would have been better off without placing that mental image in Tony's head. “He's better now. Not a hundred percent or anything, but-”

“Steve,” Tony interrupts him, “it's fine. I know what Barnes means to you.” Oh boy does he. Now more than ever, watching Steve talk about him.

“You sure?”

Tony nods. “Yeah, whatever, the more the merrier and all that.”

“And his past isn't going to be a problem?”

“I can hardly blame the man for being brainwashed can I?”

Steve smiles his hundred watt smile. “Thanks Tony!” Then he shifts, “Umm... Buck's arm is acting up. Do you think you could look at it when he gets here?”

Tony grins. “I get to play with his arm? Is it my birthday?”

“Tony,” Steve sighs.

“Don't worry Cap, I'm not going to scare your pretty, pretty princess away with my evil science and dashing good looks. Trust me.”

Steve looks skeptical for a moment before smiling again. “Thanks Shellhead, you're the best.”

“Of course I am. Now go, bring your soldier home. Mi casa es su casa and all that shiz.”

Steve practically runs out the door.

-xxx-

Barnes arrived at the Compound the next day. It was all rather anticlimactic really. Tony hadn't been sure what to expect exactly, but it sure wasn't... this. The so called invincible Winter Soldier looked like a shadow of his former self. He didn't talk, didn't explore any of the rooms, didn't watch tv or read or, well, anything . He essentially glued himself to Steve's side and stayed there. Or, rather, Steve glued himself to Barnes side and never left. Ever.

No more hanging out with the dear old Captain. Tony Stark was old news now that Bucky Barnes was here. Not that he's bitter about it or anything. No, not at all.

He'd like to say that he got to know Barnes right away. That he was polite and courteous and all the things that Pepper reminded him to be. But that would be a lie. It was harder than expected, considering the man was living with them. First of all, as previously stated, Steve was by Barnes' side. Constantly. Tony's not even sure Steve leaves the other man alone long enough to use the bathroom.

And when Steve is around Barnes, Steve does all the talking. Makes all the decisions. Handles all the choices. All Barnes has to do is sit there and stare. He might as well not even be there for all the he engages in daily social interaction. He is a mere shadow next to the glowing happiness that is Steve.

Because Steve is ecstatic to have Barnes back. He is always grinning and laughing and, just... glowing. He rivals the sun with his absolute joy of having Barnes by his side again. It's enough to power New York for a year. At least.

It... bothers Tony more than he thought it would.

Part of it is jealousy. He is mature enough to admit that, if only to himself. It was one thing to know that he would have truly have Steve, another to live with the proof. To see it daily. So yes, he is a little green around the edges. It wouldn't be so bad if Steve would at least talk to him or hang out, one on one. But he doesn't. He never leaves Barnes side.

And, alright, maybe he's bring that point up just a little too often. But it sincerely bothers Tony. Yes, there's the problem of the hole Steve ripped in his heart by basically abandoning him. But it's more than that. It's that it isn't healthy. He knows he has no room to talk. He's no poster child of good mental health. Or mental health at all. And it would be absolutely hypocritical if he were to start talking about that to Steve. He has enough problems of his own to deal with.

But, regardless, the entire situation stinks of co-dependency. Because he knows what that looks like. And he's thought that Steve had some problems before, but now he knows he does. Yes, call him a hypocrite, but he's worried about Steve's mental health issues. Sue him. He'll win, he has enough money to buy the best lawyers.

Maybe it wouldn't bother him so much if it looked like the co-dependency went both ways. If Barnes needed Steve just as much as Steve needed Barnes. But he's not so sure. Yeah, Barnes needs help. He isn't saying he doesn't. Just, you know, maybe not the kind of help Steve is giving him. Support sure, but not enough to suffocate the man. Barnes doesn't always look that comfortable around Steve. But what does Tony know. He might be reading the situation completely wrong.

Whatever.

But then Barnes comes down to the workshop so Tony can look at his arm. He invited the man down right after he arrived because hello. New tech, yes please. But it takes a few weeks for Barnes to actually come down, Steve right beside him. And yes, he is starting to sound bitter. He's going to have to work on that.

“Hey Robo Cop,” Tony greets, “ready for an upgrade?”

“Tony,” Steve sighs.

Tony sticks his tongue out at him. “Don't be a hater Cap.”

“I'm not, but can you tone it down a little?”

“How long have you known me Steve? This is calm. Honestly,” he rolls his eyes.

Dum-E, wanting to see who entered the shop, rolls over excitedly. Already knowing Steve, he rolls right up to Barnes and beeps at him. Barnes, naturally, jumps. Tony can't blame him. Dum-E always comes on a little strong when he meets new people.

“Tony, get your robot to back up,” Steve commands.

“He's just saying hi,” Tony answers exasperated, “no need to get your pansies in a twist.”

“It's scaring Bucky,” he insists.

Barnes, contrary to the previous statement, has gotten over his scare quickly. He's looking at Dum-E curiously. He tilts his head to one side and gives an experimental wave. Dum-E, being the polite bot that he is, waves back, beeping happily.

Tony walks over. “Barnes, meet Dum-E, he's my first AI. Learning bot,” he adds when Barnes looks confused. “Talk to him and he'll understand you. Get really lucky and he might even listen to you. Just don't let him anywhere near you if he has a fire extinguisher on him.”

Dum-E lowers his claw dejectedly.

“Don't give me that look Mister,” Tony rests his arms on his hips, “You know very well why I have to give that warning. How many times have you sprayed me without any fire being present?”

“He is merely being cautious Sir,” JARVIS pipes in, “After all, someone in the workshop has to be.”

“Sass JARVIS. Don't think I won't send you off to community college. Let's see how you like all the little freshies picking apart your code.”

“I am afraid Sir, that would merely start my foray of world domination.”

As if that's a threat. “Just clear it with Pep first. You know how she gets when she has to deal with surprises.”

“Very well Sir, I shall make note.”

Tony turns to Barnes, who is staring at him with wide eyes. “And that is JARVIS. I'm sure you've heard him before, but he's the youngest of my four. Also, the most advance. You ever need anything, you ask him. Got it?”

Barnes nods.

“Might as well introduce you to the other two before they get jealous. You know how siblings get with new friends,” he says, sounding exasperated. Because he is. Totally. Absolutely. Yes Sirree indeed. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth at all. “Butterfingers, U, this is Bucky Barnes. He'll be in here for arm repair, so play nice.”

“I'm not sure this is such a good idea,” Steve says.

“Don't be such a mother hen Cap, the bots are fine. Right Barnes?” he asks him.

The soldier in question looks just a little bit fascinated with the bots in front of him, if still a little wary as well. Fair enough. It's not as if he would have seen anything like them before.

“Ready to run some tests then?”

Barnes flinches.

Oops, bad word. “Scans,” he amends, “just some scans nothing more,” he reassures. “Nothing that would hurt.”

“You never said anything about tests,” Steve says and Barnes flinches again.

Tony sighs. “How else am I supposed to find out what is wrong with his arm?”

“Can't you just,” Steve makes a vague motions with his hand, “like you always do?”

Tony stares at the soldier. Just stares.

“What?”

“Steve, sweet heart, cupcake, honey pie?”

“Yes?” he asks warily.

“Get out!” he orders, pointing to the door.

“What?” Steve's face is incredulous.

“You heard me. Get. Out. You are not needed for this process.”

“But Bucky-”

“Barnes is a big boy. He can take care of himself.”

“But what if-”

“No.”

“What if you trigger him?”

“Barnes, do you feel threatened?”

He shakes his head.

“But-” Steve starts.

“If I promise to explain everything I'm doing, can you handle it?”

He hesitates.

“Safe word, gorgeous, I'm all about consent here. You don't like something, you safe word out.”

Barnes nods.

“Tony, that's not-”

“Pick a word,” he says over Steve's protests.

“Pickles,” Barnes says quietly.

Tony nods. “Sure thing. Say 'pickles' and we're done. Good? Yes? Great. Out Rogers.”

“Bucky,” Steve tries.

“I'll be fine,” Barnes says softly, not looking at Steve as he does.

“You shouldn't let Tony bully you like this.”

Tony opens his mouth to protest, but Barnes gets there before him. “He's not. This is my choice. Didn't you say I have choices now?”

That seems to make Steve deflate.

“Alright,” he lays a hand on Barnes shoulder, ignoring Barnes' slight jump, “let me know if you need me. I'll be waiting for you to finish.” He walks out of the room, but not before looking over his shoulder three times.

The door shuts and Tony huffs. “Honestly, what does he think I'm going to do to you? Eat you?”

Barnes snorts.

“Show time now,” Tony rubs his hands together, “shirt off Terminator, I need a clear view for the scans.”

Barnes bites his lower lip, but does as Tony says.

“Now, stand here in the center of the room. I need you to stand here and look pretty. Shouldn't be too hard for a handsome fella like yourself,” Tony flirts automatically. “Now, I'm sure this was unpleasant before, but because I'm awesome and a genius with the best equipment around, it's going to be a snap. JARVIS is going to do the scanning. What you need to do is go through the motions and limits of the arm. How well can you move it? What are the bending limits? Any sensory feedback? Is there a delay reaction time? Got it sugar plum?”

Barnes nods.

“Get to it soldier,” Tony commands.

He watches as Barnes go through each movement, analyzing where potential problems are and what probable limits the arm has.

“Know the weight limit on that thing?” he eventually asks.

Barnes shakes his head.

“Right, let's find out. Here...” he points out different things for Barnes to lift.

All in all, it takes a little over two hours to do. “That's all for today sour patch,” he tells Barnes from where he is sitting on one of the benches. “I'll have to go through all the information and see what can be done.”

Barnes just nods.

Tony hesitates, because restraint and all that recommended social stuff, but then goes ahead and asks, “I don't know if it is possible yet, but if it is, do you want a new arm?”

Barnes jerks his head up.

“I should be able to do at least as well as your old one, but probably better – I am a genius for a reason after all,” he smiles winningly. “If nothing else, I want to reduce the weight. That has to be a bitch on your shoulder, isn't it?”

Barnes seems to think about his answer, before nodding in agreement.

“Thought so, it's a bit red around the connection. So?”

This time Barnes pauses for a long time. Tony is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, but doesn't say anything. Sure, he wants do. Dear sweet science, does he want to. But he won't rush the man. Or force him. He knows a little something about unasked for body modifications for one's own good. They come with nothing but trouble.

Finally Barnes nods again and gives a small smile.

Tony beams at the man. “Great! I'll keep you updated. Until then, I can still fix the glitches you have now. Is tomorrow alright to start or do you want to wait a couple of days?”

“Tomorrow,” Barnes answers and Tony counts that as a win.

“Sure thing buttercup.”

And that is how Barnes became a semi-permanent fixture in Tony's shop as he works on the arm.

Chapter Text

Tony is working on a new project when he hears someone clearing their throat. When he glances up from his work, he sees Barnes is standing in front of him, shifting awkwardly. In the months that Tony has been repairing his old arm and making a new one, they had gotten closer. Or, at least Tony likes to think they did. They never really talk because Barnes is still so damn shy around him. But he seems genuinely interested when Tony talks about his work. Anything about his work too, not just his arm.

Last week Tony had finally finished his new arm. Barnes hasn't been down since, but Tony was willing to give him time. Adjustment period and all that. And now he is back. The man looks deeply uncomfortable, but determined, at the same time.

“What's up Barnes?” he asks, wanting to put him out of his misery. “Need something?”

“I... I wanted to thank ya,” he says, “Steve says ya don't like to be thanked. Makes you uncomfortable, but I wanted to. You didn't need to do all of this,” he waves his arms in a broad motion, “specially since,” he shrugs awkwardly, “what I did.”

This is the most Tony has heard Barnes speak since he came to the compound. Normally he has Steve glued to his side and the other soldier does all the talking for both of them. All Barnes does is shrug or nod his head. Tony would find that level of hovering obnoxious and controlling, but to each their own and all that.

“Don't worry about it,” he waves it off, “it was nothing.” He does feel slightly uncomfortable with the thanks. He's not use to it. He can't remember the last time someone thanked him. It was probably Clint. Tony decisively remembers some very enthusiastic 'thanks' when he made the archer some new arrows. But that had been years ago, back when the team had first formed. After that... Nothing.

Is that why they don't anymore? Because Clint picked up how uncomfortable that made him? Sure, he always gets a bit uneasy, but he doesn't hate it. It's nice to hear, every once in awhile. But is that why they never thank him for all the stuff he provides – the food, the housing, the equipment? Because it makes him uncomfortable?

Not because they are taking advantage of him?

Of course, it could have easily started off as one and turned into another. It's a slippery slope after all. But whatever. It's not like it's anything he needs . He'll take it while it lasts because it never lasts long. Damn does he sound pathetic.

“ It was – it is ,” Barnes insists.

“I do it for the team. You're on the team now Barnes. It's fine.”

“But none of the team has done – well,” he shrugs again.

“Have blood on our ledger?” Tony fills in for him, “I think both Natasha and I have you beat on the numbers game. For that matter, Thor has them too, being a 'mighty warrior of great skill',” he mimics, “and all. And I'm sure you know what Steve's are like, during the war. Clint use to be an assassin too. And Brucie Bear,” he shrugs, “we've all done terrible things here Barnes. You're nothing new.”

But Barnes shakes his head again. “I know you probably don't want to think about it. It has to be hard, seeing me everyday and knowing what I did. I just wanna say thank you for giving me a chance.”

Tony finally turns his full attention on the man. Something is off here. It's in the way he talks – not just the awkward part, that's to be expected. But how earnestly he says it. As if it is a much bigger deal than Tony knows. “After what you did?” he echoes questioningly.

That seems to make Barnes freeze. He stares at Tony assessingly and Tony can see how this man was once the Winter Soldier. It is as if he can see right through him. All of him. All of his defenses, all of his masks, gone. Straight through into the heart of him. He's had people undress him with their eyes with less effort.

But then Barnes blinks and the intense look is gone. The awkwardness is back with new strength and something else. Something Tony can't quite identify yet.

“Stark...” he hesitates, “when Steve asked if I could move in... did he tell you anything else?”

Tony shrugs carelessly. “Some basic stuff about how you're still working through everything and probably won't be all that social.”

“Nothing... personal?”

“Personal to you?”

“ Personal to you, ” Barnes stresses and oh is Tony getting a bad feeling about this.

“No,” he says slowly, “what about me?” he asks.

“That damn fucking little shit piece of punk!” Barnes snarls viciously.

Tony jumps back in an instant. He can't help his reaction, it's instinctive. People accuse him of having no self-preservation, but he does. He just generally doesn't listen to it.

“I'm gonna skin him,” Barnes continues, “then I'm gonna push him off this goddamn roof. Several times, so it sticks. ”

Tony has to wonder if it really is Barnes talking anymore. If it isn't the Winter Soldier, using Barnes' voice. Because he has never talked like this before. Not only is he showing real, strong emotions, but he's talking badly about Steve. The Wonder Twins never talk badly about each other. To the end of the line and all that.

“Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS says calmly, “I am going to have to ask you to either calm down or to leave. Any further action will activate my protection protocol.”

Barnes turns and punches a table, sending parts flying. That wouldn't have been a problem, really, if it wasn't for the fact that he had used his metal arm. As it is, it goes straight through. Which is also slightly impressive because that was a metal table Barnes just punched.

“I ain't gonna hurt Stark,” he reassures JARVIS, “but that damn punk deserves it.”

“Might I be the judge of that?” his AI asks.

“Ya ain't gonna like it either,” he warns.

It does something to Tony's insides to sees someone interacting with his AI this easily. As if he matters. As if he was talking to another person, not a program. No one else on the team does that. Sure, they see him as useful. But the see him as a useful thing . Not the brilliant, wonderful, sassy AI that he is.

Barnes turns towards him now and Tony can easily read the emotions on his face – grief, anger and regret. So much regret . “I had one condition when Steve asked me to move in,” he says, “One thing Steve had to tell ya before I would agree to this. He said he did. He said you were fine with it. That you were upset, but you understood. He lied ,” and the snarl is back before Barnes takes a deep breath. It looks as if he is preparing himself for the firing squad.

Tony's dread grows. What is going on here?

“I never would have come if I had known,” he says as if to reassure the genius, “I thought it was odd, but I didn't push. I never would have thought the punk would lie like this.”

“Barnes-” Tony starts to say, but the man shakes his head.

“Tony... Stark...” he hesitates before looking him straight in the eye. There is so much regret there, Tony feels as if he could choke on it. Drown in it. “I killed your parents.”

For a long moment Tony doesn't move. Doesn't blink. Doesn't breathe. The words just keep circling through his head again and again and again . 'I killed your parents'. The words are a broken record. They just keep repeating.

But then they finally process and he sees red. He has to grip the table to stop himself from attacking Barnes. “Get out,” he growls, slow and dangerous.

Barnes doesn't hesitate. He nods, as if he was expecting that. He turns sharply and walks out the door, petting Dum-E as he passes the bot. He pauses long enough to say, “I'll be gone by morning. Thank you for everything and I'm sorry.” And then he is gone.

Tony can't contain himself anymore and throws a wrench at the closed door. His breath comes in short, painful gasps. He clutches his chest as he slides down to the floor.

No.

No, this can't be happening.

Barnes didn't kill his parents, Howard's drunk driving did. That's what killed them. Howard's damn drinking problem. He killed himself and took his Mother with him. That's what happen. That's what had to have happened. It has to be. It has to.

He couldn't have been wrong for all these years. He couldn't have spent years and years blaming Howard for his Mother's death, only to find out now that it isn't true. Howard's alcoholism did him in. That's the way of the world.

Only it isn't, because Barnes just told him it wasn't. Barnes was the one who killed them. Barnes made it look like an accident. Barnes is the reason they are dead, not Howard. Barnes .

Blind rage and suffocating panic battle within him. He wants to hit, wants to break, wants to tear something apart. His limbs are trembling and when he lifts a had to his face, it is wet. He's crying. He doesn't know why he is crying. Can't tell what emotion is controlling them – rage, sorrow, panic. All of them? He doesn't know and is in no position to figure it out.

“Sir?” he becomes aware of JARVIS' voice, “Steady Sir. Breathe in and out. In and out. I am here Sir and I will protect you. In and out.”

He follows JARVIS' voice. He takes a shaky breath and lets it out slowly. This isn't the first panic attack JARVIS has walked him through and it won't be the last. “Fuck,” he breathes, “ fuck .”

“Shall I initiate action against Sergeant Barnes Sir?” his wonderfully protective AI asks.

Tony is tempted to say yes. He is so tempted. It would serve the bastard right. But then Barnes' sad, sad eyes flash through his head. His words play through his mind. It's not alright. Not be a long shot. This isn't forgiveness – not in the least. But Barnes had told him as soon as he realized he didn't know. He could have just kept quiet and taken him for a fool. But he didn't. He did the opposite and told him and apologized and thanked him. Tony had just thrown him out and he still thanked him.

Yes, sincere gratitude does have an effect on him, thank you for asking.

“No J, let him go.”

“Are you sure Sir?”

“Yes,” he says and not anything else. But JARVIS has been with him a long time and knows him. He has to have at least guessed, if not know, Tony's reasoning.

“As you wish Sir. Sergeant Barnes is currently in the process of packing now,” he adds.

“Thanks J,” he tells his AI as he rests his head on his arms. He needs to get up. Get moving. What he really needs is a drink. Or two. Or five. He should probably just start with a bottle and go from there. But he doesn't have the strength to move. Nor the ambition. Not moving sounds fabulous right now.

So he doesn't.

He hears a whirl and then a blanket is dropped over top of him. Literally. He lets out a snort as he uncovers his head. It's Dum-E of course. His eldest had always been the most sensitive to his emotions, not counting JARVIS. Both have unique ways of comforting him.

“Thanks buddy,” and his bot gives him a happy chirp before crowding close to him – his version of cuddling. Tony strokes his frame gently. “Good boy,” he whispers.

A clumsy claw gently taps his head in return. The first time Dum-E had tried that, he gave Tony a concussion. He never made that mistake again.

More whirling and his other two bots join him on his other side, bracketing him in. Hiding him from view. Keeping him safe. For all he complains about them, he wouldn't change them for the world. “Yes, you're good bots too, you jealous brats,” he tells them. It comes out more fondly than he had been intending. Oh well. Just as long as no one else knows. They might think he has a heart or some ridiculous notion.

Finally he stands back up, emotions under control. He's still pissed as hell, but he is no longer in danger of acting on it. It's just another blow in a string of blows that is his life. Frankly, at this point, he should be expecting something like this to happen. Why be surprised when things go wrong when they always go wrong eventually.

No, he's not bitter, why would you think that?

So he goes back to repairing his suit from the last fight they had. Damn Doom. Damn Reed too. Why can't he take care of his own damn villain? But of course, they had been out of universe. Whatever. At least it wasn't something straight out of a Lovecraft novel. Again. Those are always the worse. Some people have too much imagination and too much time on their hands to go with it.

The day he faces a flying spaghetti monster, he quits. He'll refuse based on religious reasoning. No one can fault him for that. Except Pepper. Because she's a meanie. Rhodey will totally be right there with him.

“Sir,” JARVIS interrupts his thoughts, “Captain Rogers is insisting entrance.”

Tony stills his hands, not wanting to mess up the wiring he is working on. So Steve wants to talk now does he? Well too bad. He doesn't. He knows himself well enough to know if he talks to Steve now, someone is going to end up hurt. And is sure as hell isn't going to be Tony because he is too angry to be reasonable about this. “Tell him to suck it J.”

“I am afraid he is most adamant.”

Tony looks up to find Steve glaring at him viciously. If looks could kill, Tony would be dead. Yeah, no. No interaction right now. He can be the bigger man and admit that is a bad idea. So he gives Steve the middle finger and looks back down at the suit. Okay, so he can kind of be the bigger man. Give him a break, he's an asshole on a good day.

“Sir, he is threatening to break the door down if you do not let him in.”

At this, Tony looks up to see Steve standing in front of the door, shield at the ready, challenge clear. He is going to talk to Tony, one way or another. For a moment, Tony considers letting him. Sure, clean up will be a bitch, but that might burn some of Steve's anger up.

But this is his workshop. His safe place. He can't let it be invaded like that. “JARVIS, tell the rest of the team to be on stand by for extraction and let him in.”

“Very well Sir.” The door opens.

Steve storms in. “What did you say to him?” he growls.

“What did I say to who Rogers?” he barks back, in no mood for this game.

“What did you say to Bucky?”

“What makes you think I said anything to him?”

“He's packing,” Steve spits, “he's leaving the Compound. He said he doesn't feel comfortable being here anymore. So what. Did. You. Say. To. Him?” he emphasizes each word slowly and dangerously. As if he thinks Tony need the extra help understanding him. Or, more likely, as if he is giving warning that, one wrong move and he'll attack.

“Oh Barnes,” Tony answers back, as if just now realizing what this is about, “that soldier fella of yours.”

“Stark,” this time even more dangerously than the last.

“You know,” Tony continues as he he didn't hear, “we had the most interesting conversation earlier. Really enlightening you know. You wouldn't believe what comes up when you start to reminisce about the past. A shared friend here, a missed connection there, the murder of your parents years past, it's a real blast. You should try it sometimes,” he smiles, but it's his media smile. His wolf smile. The smile he shows his prey before he fucks them over. Incidentally Justin Hammer has seen this smile a lot.

“That wasn't Bucky!” Steve immediately shoots back.

“He said he did it.”

“It wasn't him. It wasn't his fault. He was brainwashed by HYDRA, you know that.”

Tony gives a careless shrug. “It was still him.”

Steve slams his hands down on the table. “ No it wasn't .” And oh, here is Steve's inner wolf. Only he isn't even trying to smile. He is all bared teeth and blazing fury.

“ Whether he wanted to or not, yes it was ,” Tony growls in return.

“You would blame an innocent man for HYDRA's sick actions? He was forced. He had no free will. Bucky is a victim here. Or are you now adding victim blaming to the things you condone?”

Tony grips the suit. Hard. He can feel the edge cutting into his hand. Any harder and it will start to bleed. “And is your head so far up your ass that you can't understand why I'm upset?” He pauses, looking innocently thoughtful, “Or should I say, so far up Barnes' ass?”

Steve actually lifts a hand, as if to grab Tony, before forcing it back down. “You are going too far Stark,” he warns. As if Tony gives a flying fuck at this point.

“Too far? I'm going too far?” he actually laughs at this. “Don't shit a shitter Rogers. You played us both.”

“I don't play anyone.”

Tony laughs again. “Oh yeah? You knew Barnes killed my parents and you didn't tell me.”

“He didn't kill your parents. HYDRA killed your parents.”

“Using Barnes' hand to do it. That still makes it his hands.”

“He was a tool.”

“Funny how you claim to care so much about him, but don't actually give a rats ass about what he actually feels.”

This time Steve does make a move to grab him, but Tony moves out of the way.

“I care more for Bucky than you could even imagine.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“I show it everyday! Everyday, I am there for him. Every nightmare, I am there to comfort him. Every panic attack, I am there to calm him down. Every decision that is too hard to make, I help him. Every memory he does or doesn't have, I am there to help him remember.”

“Making his decisions for him now? Well that explains a lot.”

“I am doing what is best for him.”

“Interesting. He said the only reason he moved into the Compound was because you said I knew that he was responsible for my parent's death.”

“ But he wasn't . Bucky has enough trouble with needless guilt without you adding to it.”

“Needless guilt?” Tony asks in sheer disbelief. The gall of this man. The absolute gall. Needless guilt his ass. No wonder Barnes is having trouble, if this is the shit he has to put up with. “It is not needless. He did it.”

“He was brainwashed!”

“ It was still his hands! They still used him. They may have taken away his choice, but he is still going to regret what he was forced to do. They used him to do their dirty work. Of course he's going to feel guilty!”

“So we should blame Clint too, for what Loki forced him to do?” Steve spits back.

A sharp gasp from behind him let's Tony know that the rest of the team has arrived. And that Clint heard the question. Goddamn it Steve, can you make things even worse? What he is thinking? Of course he can.

“This has nothing to do with Clint,” Tony snarls sharply, getting the conversation away from Clint. Now.

“That's right. It's about you. Because isn't everything about you?”

“Oh honey, don't flatter yourself. This is about you just as much as it is about me. After all you were the one who never told me, after you promised Barnes you would. You are the one who is lying to his best friend and his teammate. You are the one who broke the trust here. At least Barnes has the balls to own up to what he did.”

“ He didn't do it !” Steve makes another lunge for Tony, but he dances out of the way again. He can't help but compare Steve's face, now, to Barnes. There is none of the grief and regret Barnes had shown. Only rage. The kind the burns you alive, and anyone that is standing too close.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“It wasn't Bucky!”

“Fine!” he throws his arms up, “for the sake of the argument, it wasn't Barnes. But my parents were still murdered. And you knew. Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I didn't want to hurt you.”

Tony's hand clenches painfully and, oh, there is the blood. Yup, he definitely broke skin now. “And this is me not hurting?”

“It's been years now. I thought you would be over their deaths.”

“They were my parents!”

“And I know you must miss them. I miss Howard, he was always a good friend of-”

“ Fuck Howard, Barnes killed my Mother !” He lets go of the chest piece he had been holding and grabs a gauntlet. Without thought, he aims and shoots it straight at Steve. Fortunately – or unfortunately, depending on who you ask – Steve dodges it. Enough, at least, that it glazes his arm instead of hitting him directly in the chest.

And that is when the team decides to step in. Natasha and Thor stand in front of Steve and Clint comes to stand next to Tony. As the other two herd the super soldier out the door, Clint slowly lowers Tony's arm. Tony lets him, breathing hard. “Fuck Captain America,” he says, years of bitterness coloring his tone.

“Amen,” Clint echoes. There is a long moment of silence before the archer continues. “Wanna get drunk and have a Die Hard marathon?”

“ Yes ,” he answers instantly.

“Alright man. Think we all need it after that.”

Tony gives a jerky nod.

“Sweet. Come on, Bruce Willis calls.”

“Go ahead, I'll be up in a minute.”

“You sure?”

Tony waves him off. “Yeah. Don't worry Merida, I'm not going to hunt the good Captain down for a fight to the death or anything. I'll be right here. Go get the booze ready.”

“Fine man, but if you're not up in fifteen, I'm going to get you.”

“Sure thing. You know what I like sugar buns,” he says in an obnoxious tone.

“Always cupcake,” Clint answers, just as obnoxiously.

Once Tony is alone, he takes a long, deep breath. “Right, first things first. J, is Barnes still in the building?”

“He is Sir, he is almost done.”

“Is Rogers anywhere near him?”

“No Sir. The Captain is currently having a heated conversation with Miss Romanoff.”

“ Good. I want you to relay this message to Barnes,” he takes another deep breath, “Barnes, I just had an interesting conversation with Rogers. Seems to be real good at ignoring your emotions and decisions and all that jazz. I find it demeaning and offensive. Now, I could be wrong, you could like that sorta thing. But if you need a place to go, I have a friend who can help. He's currently Sorcerer Supreme,” he rolls his eyes, “but he use to be a top neurosurgeon. I can give you his address, but this offer is only for you . I want Rogers no where near this place. Got it? Go ahead and send it J.”

No, he's not doing this out of the goodness of his heart. He's being vindictive. Throwing Barnes out? That's his right. Keeping him from Rogers? That's his revenge. Or part of it anyway.

“He agrees Sir and relays his thanks once again.”

Tony nods and texts Barnes Strange's New York address. And than texts Stephen to let him know Barnes is coming.

He may hate magic, but he's known Stephen for years, even before his accident and Tony's own kidnapping. Arrogant, genius billionaires and all. There should be a club. He's even started studying magic on the side, just for the hell of it. Never know when it'll come in handy after all.

“And J?”

“Yes Sir?”

“Tell Rogers to pack his bags as well. I want him out. I don't care where he goes, I don't care if he has a place or not. I want him out of this Compound and I want him out now.”

“Very well Sir,” and boy does JARVIS sound satisfied.

“And J?”

“Yes Sir?”

“Keep Barnes and Rogers apart.”

“It would be a pleasure Sir.”

Tony can't help the laugh he lets out. God, his AI sounds so satisfied and delighted. “I believe it J, but don't let anyone else hear you sound so excited. They might think you like this,” he teases.

“I would never,” JARVIS fakes offense.

He smiles. “I know J, I know. Try to leave Rogers in one piece?”

“Naturally. A quick death would be more than he deserves.”

God, he loves his kids. “That's my boy. Now Daddy is going to go get nice and drunk and pray to several deities I don't believe in that this was all a nightmare.” He leaves the workshop, shutting the door behind him.

Chapter Text

For the first two week after Tony finds out, he doesn't leave the shop. He has his Die Hard Marathon with Clint, while they make fun of basically everything the movies stands for. They drink a lot of alcohol. A lot . But it still isn't enough. So when Clint passes out, he grabs what is left of the stash and continues down in his workshop.

He puts everything on lock down, bars all the override codes and just... says fuck it. He spends the first three days outrageously drunk off his ass. It would have been more, but he ran out of alcohol. After he recovers, he invents. He can't say exactly what he invents because fuck knows what. But it can't be anything too dangerous because nothing explodes.

Throughout it all, JARVIS snarks and the bots fret. He hates worrying them like this, but he just... He just can't . It's as if he was standing in the wreckage of the first battle with Ob- with Stane. He is looking down at the corpse of someone he thought of as family. Someone he thought would always be there for him. Someone he loved. Someone he trusted .

And isn't that the real problem right there? It's not Barnes he has the problem with, it is Ste- Rogers. Sure, he is mad as hell that Barnes killed his parents. His Mother. Furious. He has the urge to punch something every time he thinks about it. Preferably Barnes' face. But for all his anger with Barnes, it is a campfire compared to the inferno he feels with Steve.

Steve, who was his teammate. Steve, who was his best friend outside of Rhodey. Steve, who he loved and looked up to for as long as he could remember. Steve, who he trusted with his life and, however foolishly, his heart. That Steve lied to him. Betrayed him. Chose someone else over with, because he wasn't worth enough.

Never worth it. Never good enough. Never able to measure up. The story of his life, living in another's shadow. No matter how hard he tries, he never seems able to escape.

When he finally comes up for air, he is totally and completely unsurprised to find Nick Fury in his kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee. Because of course he is. No one stays dead anymore. He doesn't believe it unless the body has been positively identified seven different ways, decapitated, staked through the heart and burnt to ash. And even then, he might still look over his shoulder every now and again. Just to be safe.

“You better have left some for me,” he warns, voice a croak from disuse.

“What am I, your nanny?” Fury snarks. But as Tony pours himself a cup, he sees it is a fresh pot. He drains the first two cups without thought before sitting down with a third. “Shall I expect Agent next?” he asks casually.

“Are you in the business of entertaining the deceased?”

Tony shrugs. “Seems like it so far. Personally I'm honored you left the afterlife just to visit little old me. What's the occasion?” As he can't already guess.

“Captain Rogers-” Fury starts and Tony cuts him off.

“No,” he says, “I could care less about what Captain Liar is up to. He can go suck a dick for all I care. Probably Barnes', once everything is sorted out.” Bitterness drips from his voice, but he no longer cares. He is so tired of all this shit. It's been his life for so long and he is tired of it.

“He's currently with Wilson in DC right now.”

Tony gives Fury the finger. Whatever. Good thing Birdman hadn't moved in yet after all.

“However, we're unsure as to where Barnes is.”

The genius just raises an eyebrow at Fury in disbelief. They don't know where Barnes is? Yeah right. And he's Queen of England.

“We cannot have such a high risk individual running loose.”

“ He had been on the run for two years before this and you suddenly think he is going to break now ? Try the other leg.”

“We knew where Barnes was then.”

“And you didn't think to tell Ste- Rogers that?”

“He didn't need to know. Barnes wasn't ready.”

Tony shifts in his seat to look directly at Fury. “Tell me something Director ,” he mocks, “did you by chance have anything to do with Barnes suddenly appearing three months ago?”

“It was time.”

Tony snorts. “Of course you did. Still can't keep your nose out of anything can you? Once a spy, always a spy.”

“We need to know where Barnes is.”

“And you think I know, why? Why should I give a shit where that murderous little asshole went? Good riddance to bad garbage. He killed my parents. Why would I want anything to do with him?”

“Because you know what it is like to be tortured” Fury says bluntly.

Tony barely keeps from flinching violently. No one ever talks about Afghanistan. And he shuts them down anytime they do. It's a topic that never fails to make him uncomfortable. Even now, he still dreams of that godforsaken cave. Stale water and cold breath and foreign, taunting voices. The beginning of all his issues, if one doesn't count Howard.

“So?”

“You created weapons. You know not to blame the gun for the death.”

“And that's what Barnes was? The gun?”

“You know he was.”

Tony slams his fist down on the table, pissed. “So because Barnes was brainwashed, I'm not allowed to be angry. Because he didn't have a choice, I can't be furious with him. Even though his hands did the deed, I can't blame him. My emotions are completely invalidated because someone else was a complete asshole. Who cares what I feel? That's not important because I should be more understanding, more caring, more compassionate,” he spits the words, “Once again, I have to push everything aside for someone else. I have to be the bigger man. Who cares what emotional trauma this does to me. I'm not the important one. I'm never the important one. Never fucking good enough, in my entire goddamn fucking life!” he shouts the last bit. He is breathing hard and glaring at Fury, absolutely daring him to agree.

But all Fury does is sigh a rather aggressive sigh. “Goddamn you Howard,” he says and... that was not the response Tony was expecting. He fully expected Fury to tell him to stuck it up, grow a pair and get one with it.

Stark men are made of iron.

“Stark, I'm not saying you can't be pissed. I'm saying I need to know where Barnes is in case anything goes wrong. I'm asking you because I know you wouldn't have just let the man go. Either by understanding or revenge, you'll keep an eye on Barnes.”

And Tony is actually impressed. He didn't think Fury would ever show him this level of understanding. It's almost unnerving. “Not going to lecture me about team spirit and the power of forgiveness?”

“You're a big boy Stark, you know the team is important. The world needs protection.”

“And so I need to just forgive and forget?”

“No, you need to put on your big boy pants and work with these people when needed.”

“For the Greater Good?” he asks, sickeningly sweet.

“Fuck Stark, who do I look like? Dumbledore? I'm not here to offer you a blasted lemon drop. I'm here because you know what is out there. You need to be ready for it.”

“Oh now you listen to me,” Tony waves off.

“Stark, you are a goddamn arrogant pain in my ass. But you're a genius for a reason. When you made your report about the aliens, yes I goddamn listened. Didn't mean I could show it. I've known you since you were in diapers, even if you don't remember me. I know what you can do. Don't fuck this up.”

“You know what a team needs?” Tony asks idly, “More than anything? Trust. Rogers was always going on about trust in your teammates. How we need to count on each other to win. How there shouldn't be any big secrets on the team. How we either win together or we lose together. We need each other to survive. Ironic, isn't it, that the poster boy for trust was keeping the biggest secret of them all?”

“Even Captain America isn't perfect.”

“Wish someone would have told me that as a kid,” he mutters as he takes a sip of his coffee. “Out of idle curiosity, how long did it take you to realize that?”

Fury's face actually looks pained when he admits, “Too long.”

Tony nods. He looks at Fury a while longer, casually sipping his coffee. It is only when it is empty that he admits, “I know where Barnes is.” He has his back purposefully turned from Fury as he pours himself another cup. “I sent him to a friend for help.”

As he turns back, Fury raises an eyebrow at him. “Anyone we know.”

Tony shrugs. “I assume you would know their name if I gave it to you. As is, I know he's safe and working through his shit. I'm getting updates, whether I want them or not.” And he is definitely more on the not side. But Stephen is still texting him. He leaves it up to JARVIS to read them. His AI will let him know if he needs to be aware of something. That's good enough for him.

“Any chance of getting a name?”

Tony just looks at him.

“That's what I thought. Goddamn pain in my ass.” And wow, that almost sounded affectionate. Tony's not sure what to do with that.

So he just snorts. “Later Dread Pirate. Next time you feel like stopping by – don't.” He walks out of the kitchen, leaving the spy to see himself out.

-xxx-

Strangely enough, the talk with Fury calmed something inside Tony that no one else could. Not even the team. And wasn't that a mess right now. Tony finds out not long after Steve left that Natasha knew as well and never said anything. She said that she assumed – wrongly – that Steve was going to tell Tony. Especially after Bucky moved in. She never says anything, but Tony is feeling judged.

Clint is fully on his side. Because he is a good bro. Tony can say he is honestly surprised. Not because he thinks Clint would turn on him. But he was mind controlled by Loki. He knows what that's like. Tony would think he would side with Bucky, not Tony. After all, no one on the team blames him for his part in the Battle of New York. Why should Tony blame Bucky when it's essentially the same thing – sans the violence level. But apparently the one time they got on the topic, they bonded over feeling guilty as shit about what they did, choice or no.

Of course they only talked about it once because Steve was forever insisting there was no need to feel guilt over anything. No choice means no guilt apparently. Yeah right. Tony would laugh if he didn't find the whole thing so sad. He might anyways. Better to laugh then cry.

Hell, he still feels guilty about the people his weapons killed when Stane was still alive. He feels responsible and he didn't know about it for years. But he should have. He is a genius, he should have figured it out. As Natasha said, he has red on his ledger that he's trying to wipe away. Not that he ever feels like he is succeeding.

God, this team is such a fucking disaster.

Bruce stays out of it, for the most part. The tension upsets the Other Guy. But he does agree with Tony and admits that if Hulk sees Rogers or Barnes anytime soon, it's not going to be pretty. Thor tries to see both sides of the fight, as a good ruler should. But, privately, he agrees that Steve, while well meaning, pulled a dick move. He loves Thor.

But, as it does, life goes on. As of right now, the team is split in two. Natasha eventually moves in with Rogers and Wilson. Tony still can't decide if it's because she likes Steve better or if she is just being practical. Either way, another part of him relaxes when she is gone. The Golden Trio seem to be tackling HYDRA as they go. If they need a heavy hitter, Thor will join them for the mission. Their section deals with the villains of the week. It's a good system, even if the reason they are split isn't.

Tony's emotions fluctuate between intense rage, betrayal and – frankly – pity for Barnes. He has finally started reading some of the texts Stephen sends him and it seems like it is rough going for Barnes. His mind is a mess, his memories are a jumble and his PTSD is intense.

It's four months from the fact when Stephen asks him for something he really doesn't want to do – talk to Barnes. Or at least answer his text if he does. He thinks it would help both of them. It seems the soldier still feels horrible of 'taking advantage of him', since Tony didn't know. He says he'll think about it.

Barnes starts texting him next week. It takes Tony another month to respond, but he does read them before that. He just... he needed time to prepare himself. A lot of time. It still makes something in his gut curl when he talks to the man. But, slowly, it is getting easier to ignore. Text by text, it is getting easier to imagine forgiving Barnes one day. Ironic that, considering he still wants to shoot Rogers in the goddamn face.

Maybe that might get his point across.

Maybe. He wouldn't count on it though.

So he'll never admit it Stephen, but it does help. And, according to the sorcerer, it is helping Barnes as well. Good.

The soldier is surprisingly a good conversationalist once Tony got him to stop apologizing every other text. He remembers that Rogers once said that, back in the day, Barnes was a real charmer. Slowly that part of him is coming back. He sasses Tony via text, he sends greetings to him bots, he sends stupid memes he finds amusing. They argue sci fi best and he recommends the classics. Barnes is a huge Tolkien fan, as it turns out. Tony is endlessly amused by this. He rereads the books just to be able to make accurate jokes.

They get into a huge text war on Star Trek vs Star Wars. Barnes is a huge troll about it too. He spams Tony's phone, sasses and snarks about solid points, plays devil's advocate, and is a general ass about it. The worst – or best, depending on who you ask – is that Barnes is just doing it for the shit of it. He's totally a Trekkie. He learns later they are the entertainment of the Sanctum. Assholes.

And then comes the real test, a year after everything has happened. Barnes is cured. Or as cured as one can be with decades of torture and brainwashing under one's belt. Manageable would be the better term. He still has PTSD, his memories are still a bit sketchy, but other than that, he's a whole lot better than he was when he arrived. The programming is fully out of his head, the guilt, while still there, is controllable.

He now has the option of leaving.

He doesn't have to. Stephen is happy to continue housing him. He would be able to learn magic if he wanted to, or not. Or, if not, he could move out and move on with his life. He doesn't have to fight anymore if he doesn't want to. If he still wanted to, he could move in with the Golden Trio. They are taking down HYDRA. That would probably appeal to him. Or... he could come back to the Compound.

Tony had thought long and hard before extending the invitation. He didn't want to set Barnes back because he couldn't control his emotions. But while he is no closer to forgiving Rogers, he finds he can forgive Barnes. Something he never thought he would do.

And he has grown... fond of Barnes after all these months. The man is sassy and willing to argue with him over dumb stuff and asks about his work because he is interested in it. Barnes has gotten a crash course in engineering over the past months as he asks what Tony did that day. He has also heard a number of complaints about running a company, even if Pep is CEO. He is still head of R&D and the main share holder, so he still has to be involved with it. No matter how boring he finds it.

So one year and two months after Tony found out Barnes killed his parents, he welcomes the man back into his home. What a life he leads.

“If it isn't the prodigal son,” Tony says when Barnes walks in, bags in hand.

“I don't think that's how that story goes,” Clint comments from the couch.

“Fuck you Barton,” Tony tells the archer.

“Ya mean to tell me I don't get a fancy party?” Barnes teases.

“Why, you think you're that special?”

“Oh doll, I'm all kinds of special,” Barnes winks at him.

“Special ed maybe,” Tony answers.

Barnes grins and something in Tony's stomach flutters. He freezes. Oh shit. You have got to be kidding him. Absolutely kidding him. No, no way in hell. No .

Barnes notices. “Ya okay there Stark?”

Tony waves him off. “Yeah, I'm fine sugar pie. Just a stray thought. Nothing to worry about.”

“Ya sure?”

“He does that all the time. You're lucky he hasn't rushed off to the shop to work on it. For a genius, he is sure as hell absent minded.”

He could have kissed Clint at that moment. “I see how it is Robin Hood. See if I make you those new arrows now.”

Clint instantly jumps over the couch and clings to Tony tightly. “No, no. You're the best. My favorite genius ever. No offense Bruce.”

Bruce waves as he takes a seat. “No offense taken. I'm perfectly fine without being manhandled into affection.”

Clint grins. “I'll get you that coffee you like for a month.”

Tony straightens as much as he is able to. “Clint,” he gasps, sounding shocked, “are you trying to buy my affections?”

“Yeah. Is it working yet?”

“Deliver the goods and we'll see.”

Barnes watches all this, a bemused look on his face.

“Welcome back to the madhouse,” Bruce tells Barnes, “Not much has changed since you've been gone.” And then he gives the soldier a pointed look. It's as close to a warning as Bruce is comfortable with at this point, but it makes Tony happy nonetheless.

Barnes obviously has no problem reading it because he flushes. He gives the scientist a firm nod and that's that.

“Come on then, drop off your bags and get comfortable. Pizza should be here in half an hour,” Tony tells him.

Barnes grins. “I knew you loved me doll.”

Another flutter in Tony's stomach. Yeah, he's so screwed.

-xxx-

Tony waits until he is able to retreat to the workshop before he freaks out. What the absolute hell?! How the hell did this happen? When did this happen? All he's done is text the man. And now that he's back he has a crush on him? How?!?? And for all that is holy and scared and all that shiz, why?!!?

His crush on Rogers is long gone. Erased. Destroyed. Dust in the wind. Fine, it's obvious why and he's confident that it is never coming back. But now he has a crush on Roger's best friend?

This is a recipe for disaster.

He clearly remembers how in love Rogers was with Barnes. He remembers the look in his eyes, the realization on what he would do just to be with the other soldier. The pain when he knew he could never be with the man like he wanted.

And now he has a crush on the other half of the equation. Disaster.

He is honestly surprised that Barnes came here and didn't join Rogers. They are the perfect match after all. The Dynamic Duo. The pair that lived and fought and protected each other with everything they had. Hell, Rogers became Captain America to follow Barnes. That's how he became the leader of the Howling Commandos. That's how there was a Howling Commandos to begin with. History ate their story up.

And now he is here, instead. But Tony remembers his doubts about co-dependency and how comfortable Barnes was around Rogers. Maybe there was actually something to that. If anything, he could still be mad that he didn't tell Tony like he said he did.

But he honestly thought they would have worked that out by now. It's not as if the issues between them were as big as the one between him and Tony. But, once again, what does he know? Maybe there is more going on here than he knows.

He can't be in love with Barnes because he knows how this is going to end. He's no one after all. He's not coming out of this on top. Sure, he could be friends with Barnes. Maybe he could even become as close as he and Rogers once were. But no more than that. Never more than that. He is forever destined to fall in love with those that don't love him or can't love him like he needs.

Wait... love? Who said anything about love? This is a crush. Just a stupid crush. He is in no way, shape or form in love with Barnes. Not at all. Why would he? What's so lovable about Barnes? Besides his snark and his love of science and his laugh and his charm and his looks and... oh hell.

He's so fucked.

So he does whatever he panics over emotions. He avoids them. Mainly by hiding in the shop until he can pretend they don't exist anymore. Or until he can push them down enough that he can control himself around said person. God, with Rogers, it took him two weeks. This time... Well, he's on week two and going strong. Damn. He bangs his head on the table.

Which is right when Barnes walks in. Great. How he loves his life.

“Ya alright there Stark?” he asks curiously.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he reassures. Or not, but the other man doesn't need to know that.

Barnes doesn't look like he believes him, but he doesn't say anything about it. “What are you working on now?” he asks instead.

“A new upgrade for the StarkPhone, a prototype arrow for Legolas, repairs on the suit and... ugh...” he trails off. He knows there is something else, but he doesn't remember what.

“A prototype for a hoverboard,” JARVIS informs them.

Tony snaps his fingers. “Right, I was trying to see if I could make a hoverboard that could retract into a pair of boots.”

Barnes looks interested. “Any luck?”

“Not so far, the boots are too balky and uncomfortable, but I'm working on it.”

The soldier smiles.”I'm sure you'll get it. You're a smart fella.”

Tony has to fight the blush that wants to form. Because he hasn't blushed since MIT and he doesn't plan on starting now. “You need anything?”

He shakes his head. “Just came to see if ya were okay. The others said this was normal, but,” he shrugs. “Wanted to be sure.”

Tony smiles at him. “Don't worry big bad wolf, you haven't scared me off.”

“Good,” Barnes looks relieved, “Hate to make you uncomfortable in your own home.”

“This is your home now too.”

Barnes gives him another one of those smiles and god, does Tony want. But he restrains himself. Despite what people think, he can control himself. Sometimes. But then he asks what he had been wondering since Barnes arrived. “I'm surprised you wanted to come back actually.”

“Where else would I go?”

“Rogers' place in DC,” he shrugs.

Barnes looks distinctly uncomfortable with the mention. “That's not a good idea,” he tells the genius.

“Why not? Before you left,” before he threw them out, “you were inseparable.”

“That was part of the problem,” Barnes sighs, “Steve was always there. And I appreciated it... sort of. He was a familiar face in a sea of panic attacks and confusion. But,” he shakes his head, “He's changed. He isn't the little punk that never backed down from a fight. He use to have to shout to be heard and was never surprised when he was ignored. Now... now he's too use to being heard I think. He's making choices like he knows best and...” He shakes his head again. “And he looked at me like I was the Bucky he remembered. I ain't. I'm different now and so is he. But he can't accept that. He's clinging too hard to a past that doesn't exist anymore.”

Barnes looks over to where Dum-E is trying to clean up a pile of tools. “He's not comfortable with the future. But I am. He skipped seventy years, but I've been awake off and on for them. I'm use to the technology. I know how to use it. I wanted to learn. Steve... I think, if he had the option, Steve would go back to the past in a heartbeat.”

Tony remembers his and Rogers conversation a lifetime ago and can't breathe. “So he can't accept who you are now?”

“He thinks there's nothing to accept because nothing has changed.”

“Couldn't you show him the new you?”

“Maybe, but,” he hesitates.

“What?”

“He kissed me.”

Tony's heart drops. “What?” he squeaks. Not that he's surprised, but what?

Barnes nods. “After the two of you fought. I tried to avoid him after I left the Compound, but I didn't quite make it. He just... walked right up to ma and kissed me. Told me he couldn't live in this century without me. That I was his stone. I was the only thing that made sense. He'd been in love with me for years, but never said anything before we both 'died',” he air quotes, “Said to come with him to DC where we could be together.”

“What did you do?”

“Punched him in the goddamn nose.”

Tony snorts, taken aback.

“I had just found out that he lied to me about telling you. That was my one condition of moving in with him. The only one. And he lied. He lied and he was always telling me I couldn't – shouldn't – be guilty about what HYDRA made me do. Made all my choices for me, even when I could have handled a few,” he let's out a long breath, “The Steve I knew would have never ignored me like that. He would have helped me through it instead. Sure, the punk is still too stubborn for his own good, but it's in all the wrong ways now. I punched him and yelled at him and haven't talked to him since.

“I know you don't like being thanked so much, but you have no idea what a god sent your offer was. I didn't want to be anywhere near Steve, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. You were furious with me, but you still offered to help me. You remind me more of Steve now than Steve does.”

Tony... Tony doesn't know what to say to all of this. It's... wow. It's a lot of information to process at once. Rogers was in love with Barnes, but Barnes doesn't feel the same. He was so mad at Rogers that he hasn't talked to him in a year. And Tony... Tony reminds Barnes of Rogers. Of Steve, the skinny kid from Brooklyn. The person Tony was never able to live up to.

But he did, because Barnes, who knew that Steve personally, said he did. Suck that Howard. He just blinks at Barnes, not sure what to say.

Barnes grins at him. “I didn't break you, did I?”

Tony snorts. “Hardly. You're going to have to try harder than that Barnes.”

“How about this then?” He walks around the table, right into Tony's personal space. Slowly, he raises a hand to cup Tony's face. His breath hitches. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Tony breathes move then says.

And then Barnes kisses him. It is a slow kiss. A soft kiss. So tender it makes something in Tony break. Oh god. Barnes is kissing him. Barnes is kissing him . And he's kissing him right back.

When Barnes pulls back, he examines Tony's face. “Still good?”

“Yeah Barnes, I'll pickle out if I'm not.”

Barnes snorts at that, but smiles. “Bucky,” he says instead.

Tony grins. “Bucky,” he says.

Barnes – no Bucky grins. “Like the way ya say my name doll.”

“Bucky,” Tony purrs.

Bucky kisses him soundly.

Maybe not such a disaster after all.