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When she was six, she distinctly remembers the burning sensation that crawled across her rib cage.
It wasn't painful, but it definitely created a sensation inside of her that she couldn't even begin to describe.
Her mother had cried when she showed her, and her father simply smiled and kissed her on the head.
They told her it was the mark of soulmates- a tie to the person you were meant to be with.
To Chaeyoung, that sounded pretty odd, and yet, she knew that it was true; her parents were living proof of that.
So she was happy to bear such a scar if only it meant that one day she would meet that person she was destined to be with.
//
By the time Chaeyoung hit middle school, most everyone she knew had their mark, and some had even met their soulmate.
Her friend, Momo had shown her a year prior the neat script on her upper forearm. Nayeon was the name, and much like her signature her words were just as flowery and sweet.
When Sana had shown her mark, it appeared small and neat, taking up as little space as possible near the back of her shoulder. Which was totally ironic considering how tall Tzuyu was (but she supposed her quiet demeanor made up for that).
"Did you feel any different, you know, when you met?" Chaeyoung asked in a curious tone.
"Not really, but kind of? It's hard to explain really," Sana replied grappling for the words.
"It's like, you just feel complete, but it's not exactly a euphoric type of feeling, it's more like a feeling of contentment." Tzuyu finished.
"For Nayeon and I it was the same, you just know when you meet that person." Momo added, smiling at her girlfriend beside her.
Chaeyoung nodded, but inside, she still felt lost.
She supposed she simply had to wait to experience it for herself.
//
Despite all the egging from her friends, she didn't reveal her mark until they reached high school.
"Could be a foreign name, I don't know anyone with that name here." Momo said, staring hard at the mark.
"Maybe you'll meet her abroad!" Sana exclaimed, excited by the prospect.
"Ooh, sounds exciting Chaeng," Jeongyeon smirked suggestively.
Pushing at her friends, she sighed.
She knew it was still early for her to meet her soulmate, and despite some of her friends cases, she knew that some people had to wait years to find their soulmates.
(That didn't make it any easier though).
//
When she went to university was the first time she had met someone without a mark.
Jihyo her roommate had told her after a party one night, pushing her shirt up to show her the scarred over place on her side.
"It was, a dark time for me," Jihyo said while smiling bitterly, "some days I wasn't sure if it was worth staying here without them."
"So how did you?"
"I guess, I just did. I know it might seem cold to say this, but, I knew that deep down inside it wasn't worth it; it never is. Especially over someone I had never even met."
That was probably one of the truest and yet contradictory pieces of advice Chaeyoung had ever received.
In her head, she knew that was true. It was a gamble to wait a lifetime for someone you might possibly never meet.
And yet, the romantic in her heart told her that there was still only one person who could truly make her happy.
(In the end her head won out).
//
Her name was Dahyun.
And she was everything Chaeyoung could have wanted in a partner.
She was funny and kind, cute and witty. She held all the same interest as Chaeyoung and still managed to surprise her and keep things interesting.
She felt like she was in love.
It was her last year of her undergraduate, and her future was looking up.
She had a good paying internship, a great girlfriend who she had just moved in with, and a tight group of supportive family and friends.
And yet, despite all that, she felt that there was something restraining her.
(She refused to believe it was the fact that Dahyun was marked with a name that wasn't hers).
They had an agreement, Dahyun and her.
Both were slightly wary of the whole soulmate ordeal, and therefore decided that they wouldn't be subject to the universe's seemingly random machine; they would decide who they loved.
And for three years they were fine that way.
Happy even, until-
"Hey babe, I'm home," Chaeyoung said, hanging her coat and making her way into the apartment.
"Hey," Dahyun said, smiling from her spot on the couch.
Leaning down, she placed a chaste kiss on the others lips. "Mm, so I was thinking, maybe you and I could go down that restaurant on sixth street that you like?"
"About that Chae, um, I think you and I need to talk."
"Oh, yeah sure." She said, sitting down next to her girlfriend. "Is something wrong?"
"Um, not, exactly. I think, well, I know, today I met them." Dahyun said, trying to suppress a guilty smile.
"Them? You mean-"
"Yeah. Them."
Oh.
"So, what. Did you, does that mean..." Chaeyoung tried as she felt a her heart ache.
"I know, and I'm so, so sorry. I just, I can't believe I met them Chaeyoung! I-you don't understand, it felt, it was just, amazing."
"No, I guess I wouldn't understand what that felt like." She replied bitterly.
"Chaeyoung..."
"No," she said again, shaking her head. "I get it, really, I'm- I'm glad you're happy."
Did I not make you happy?
A cruel twist of fate it was.
Dahyun had met her soulmate, and she was left with the lease to an empty apartment.
It hurt.
Even though she knew she should feel happy for Dahyun, she couldn't help but to feel bitter and a sense of disgruntlement.
And after it was over- after she had cried and drank her heart into temporary silence- she had a thought.
It took her a long time, but eventually she came to the conclusion that maybe what she felt for the other girl wasn't love.
No, she thought.
Maybe she wasn't in love with Dahyun at all, perhaps, she was simply in love with the idea of her.
(Maybe she was always compensating for something).
//
Her job took her places.
Nowhere spectacular, but enough places that she considered herself well traveled.
And in all of the places she had been, never did she meet someone with that name.
Which was fine with her.
(She had learned to accept that she may never meet that person).
//
"Hey Chaeyoung, my friend is moving here from Japan but needs a place stay for the week until her building opens up, would you mind if she stayed at your place in the meantime?" Sana asked as she leaned over the cubicles partition.
"Uh, sure. I have more than enough room I suppose." She replied distractedly.
"Great! Thank you so much, I'll give you the details later tonight okay?"
(Sana didn't give her the details).
It was a rainy Wednesday night when a knock on her door roused her from the cocoon she had made on the couch.
Another knock, more urgent this time.
"I'm coming!" She called, perplexed as much as she was frustrated.
Opening the door, she found herself face to face with a very pretty, very wet, woman.
"Uh, sorry, but, you wouldn't happen to be Son Chaeyoung, would you?" The woman stuttered out, shaking from the cold.
"Yes, that's me. And you, are you-"
"Um, I'm Sana's friend-"
"Oh! Yeah, of course. Uh, please, come in."
Ushering the woman inside and helping her with her bags, Chaeyoung went and brought out two large towels.
"Here you go, I'm sorry about that. I wasn't expecting you, Sana never told me when you'd be coming."
"Sounds about right, she means well but sometimes she's very absent minded." Laughing, the woman took the towels and began drying herself off. "My name is Mina, by the way, Myoui Mina."
"Mina," Chaeyoung smiled, "it's nice to meet you."
//
It wasn't them.
It wasn't her.
Chaeyoung knew that.
And yet somehow she found herself at that place again, torn between having to choose her head, or her heart.
It had only been four months, and yet she couldn't deny the unexplainable draw she had to a certain Mina Myoui.
Somehow, one week turned into two, and somehow, those two weeks turned into three, and so on.
And now, she felt even more lost than after Dahyun had left her.
"I just, how do you know?" Chaeyoung whined as she splayed out on Sanaa's couch.
"Mm, I don't know, you just, you'll feel like it's right."
"Urgh, Sana that doesn't help me at all."
"I know, and I'm sorry, but, why don't you just ask her instead of agonizing over it?"
Chaeyoung sighed. "It isn't like it'll matter anyway. She's not the one."
"Well, neither was Dahyun and you were pretty certain you loved her."
"But I can't go through that again, I'm not- I just can't."
//
The first, and only time she caught a glimpse of Mina's mark was when the weather turned up the heat on a sweltering summer's day.
To combat the heat, the other woman unbuttoned the top three buttons of her white dress shirt to reveal the darkened patch of skin above her collar bone.
(Not like Chaeyoung was looking or anything).
//
It wasn't until the winter season that Mina had actually made the first move- or, well, mention.
"Chaeyoung?"
"Mm."
"Have you, well, do you know if your soulmate exists?"
Setting her book down and squirming to find a comfortable position in her seat, Chaeyoung tilted her head. "I suppose, I do have a mark. So. They're out there somewhere, I just, haven't met them yet."
"Oh." Mina said, an emotion passing over her face that she couldn't quite place.
"What about you? Do you have one?"
"I do."
That was the end of their conversation.
//
Half a year of living together and Chaeyoung could barely handle it.
She felt like she was going to explode with feelings that she had pent up.
And of course, in true Chaeyoung fashion, it took a couple beers, a half a bottle of gin, and the ambiance of a coming new year for her lips to loosen and to lose all her reservations about letting Mina know exactly what she felt.
"Chaeyoung, I-"
"Look I know it's stupid. And I know that you and I, that what my mark says, you aren't the one. But I can't help what I'm feeling. It's like when I'm with you, everything just makes sense."
Shaking her head sadly, Mina looked away. "I know. I feel it too, but-"
"I know, I know." Chaeyoung moved closer to grab Mina's hands. "But if you feel it, and I feel it too, then maybe we're right. Maybe there was a mistake. It has to be."
"Chaeyoung, I don't know." Mina said, despite gripping her hand tighter and drawing closer.
"Please, tell me. Who is it."
Blinking, Mina smiled sadly. "It's, you? Or at least. I thought it was you. But you said- we don't match Chae."
Pulling aside the collar of her shirt, Mina showed her mark. There, emblazoned across her collarbone was her name, spelled out in dark ink.
She didn't know what to think.
It was a coincidence?
It was a mistake?
(A good one? Or a bad one?)
Either way, she shook her head.
"And yours?" Mina asked this time, moving even closer to face her. "What does yours say?"
She swallowed hard and with shaky hands, lifted her her shirt to reveal the upper half of her torso.
Reaching out, Mina gently caressed the mark and begin to cry and laugh at the same time, confusing Chaeyoung.
"What? What's wrong. I know-"
"Chaeyoung, you are the most stubborn person I have ever met."
"What-"
Before she could ask why again, Mina had her lips pressed against her own, pulling her closer and tangling her hands in her hair.
And it was in that moment that she knew.
That she finally understood what Momo and Sana were talking about what it was like.
Pulling away, both of them sighed contentedly.
"Mina-"
"Sharon." Mina said while furiously wiping tears out of her eyes. "That was my name when I was born in the states. My parents named me Mina "Sharon" Myoui."
She stared for a minute, unable to process what had just come out of Mina's mouth.
"You're-" She buried her face into the other's shoulder before bursting out into full bodied laughter. "I can't believe, all this time-"
"I know," Mina said wrapping her arms around shaking shoulders. "I know."
//
Later, after they both had come down from the emotional high and were tangled together on her bed, Chaeyoung would shake her head at the ridiculousness of their situation.
She had finally found her.
(In the back of her mind, she always knew that Mina was the one).