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Green Panther
Natasha Romanova was a menace.
“You are pouting,” Shuri said, not even bothering to hide her grin.
T’Challa crossed his arms over his chest. “I just find it hard to believe that every time I have a moment to spend with Tony, the Black Widow needs him for something she cannot possibly handle herself.”
Shuri glanced over at where Natasha and Tony were currently bent over a five-thousand piece puzzle she’d said had a secret message encoded on it. “She is certainly devious. I cannot think of one thing she has asked for help with that he could say no to.”
“…He could have done a puzzle with me.” His sister began to laugh quietly. He couldn’t blame her. His cheeks were burning having said it. What a petty thing to say.
Shuri stopped laughing, but her eyes were still dancing with amusement. “I will try to distract her so you can have dinner with your lover. By yourself.”
“…Thank you.”
“I find it… adorable, how jealous you get of them,” she continued, turning to look at them again as Tony made an excited noise when they got the border and one of the corners finished. “When it is so obvious that Tony has eyes only for you. He sees you, and his smile lights up the room. If you asked him, I am certain he would pledge his life to you. Even if you did not ask him, I think he would.”
That was one of the things T’Challa adored about him, how Tony would give his whole heart to the people he loved.
Natasha peeked over at them and smirked.
T’Challa fought the urge to throw something at her. He could do without Tony loving her.
“I like her,” Shuri said.
“I will disown you,” he replied immediately.
She didn’t laugh at him again, but the noise she made was a clear sign she definitely wanted to.
.-.-.-.
“You and Natasha spend a lot of time together lately,” T’Challa said and immediately wanted to kick himself because the conversation had been absolutely fine and Natasha-free.
Tony blinked at him in surprise. “Oh? Oh.” He looked alarmed. “Well, she’s helping me with something, so I owe her, and she’s collecting bit by bit.”
T’Challa couldn’t help his eyebrows flying up. Natasha and Tony had perhaps the strangest relationship he had heard of. He had tried to understand once. He… could never quite wrap his head around it. Perhaps it was that two typically distrustful people had found trust in each other, and that was something they didn’t know how to deal with in a normal manner.
“With what is she helping you?” T’Challa asked after a moment.
To his surprise, Tony blushed and squeaked, “It’s a secret!”
The younger man opened his mouth.
Tony squeaked again. “A secret!”
T’Challa wanted to find Natasha and shake the secret right out of her. He didn’t, of course. She had already proved she was not afraid to stab anyone who touched her without her permission.
.-.-.-.
“Can you ask Natasha what Tony is planning that is such a secret?” T’Challa asked after said spy whisked his lover away. Again.
Shuri raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think she would tell me?”
He frowned. “Are you not friends?”
“We… understand each other,” she explained slowly. “She finds it difficult to trust people, and that I am sure will not change. She has said she likes you, however,” Shuri added, smiling a little. “Apparently she fancies herself a bit of a matchmaker and was despairing over whom to next match Tony with when you came along. She said she was glad that Tony finally had someone to dote on him, regardless of whether or not he put up a fight accepting it.”
“…Oh,” T’Challa said, flattered that Natasha liked him. Sometimes he wondered.
Shuri patted him on the shoulder. She’d always found him predictable. “What are you giving Tony for your anniversary?”
“Some vibranium,” he answered immediately. He always gave Tony vibranium and every year he still looked surprised and delighted.
His sister gave him an unimpressed look. “Will you ever get him anything else?”
T’Challa shrugged. “When he stops reacting the way he does, I will certainly seek a different gift. Until then, vibranium will always be my gift.”
Shuri rolled her eyes and walked away from him. He could have sworn she muttered that he was the most unromantic man on the planet as she left.
.-.-.-.
T’Challa approached Natasha in the library cautiously. So far he had not seen Tony, but Tony had this… habit, of popping out of nowhere and chattering a mile a minute in excitement. He loved when Tony did this, but it had taken some getting used to, when the people around him were normally so reserved.
She looked up from her book when he cleared his throat, but he had no doubts that she had been aware of his arrival the moment he set foot in the room. “Yes, your highness?”
“Shuri has intimated to me that perhaps I should choose a different gift for Tony’s anniversary present. It’s—”
“Vibranium?” Natasha finished, amused. “Yeah. Everyone but Tony seems to know that’s your gift. It’s adorable how surprised he is every year.”
T’Challa smiled. Yes, Tony’s reaction was always a pleasure to see. Still, Shuri had planted the seed, and Natasha would know best whether Tony actually liked it. “Surely he will eventually get tired of it.”
Natasha stared at him long enough for him to grow uncomfortable, but then she rolled her eyes. “Tony considers it a great sign of trust to be given such precious material carte blanche. Do you even know what he does with it after you give it to him?”
“Nnno,” he replied after a moment. “He has never told me. But once I gave it to him, it was his to do with as he wished.”
“Well, he’s managed to make a few vibranium plated suits,” Natasha informed him, raising an eyebrow. “He’s thinking about making a suit made of it entirely. He’s entirely happy getting vibranium year after year.” She paused for a moment, then quietly added, “Your highness, he is so unused to being the recipient of a gift that I’m pretty sure you could give him a pile of dog shit and he would love it.”
T’Challa stared at her. “…So what you’re saying is that I should give him the world.”
Natasha snorted. “He doesn’t want the world. He just wants you. It’s disgusting.” With how soft her expression was, he knew that she didn’t mean it—that she was glad he was in love. “Honestly, just get him whatever you want. If it’s from you, he’ll love it.”
T’Challa nodded. Perhaps he could convince one of the blacksmiths to take Tony on for a few days. He’d expressed interest in how they made their vibranium weapons before. He’d probably like it.
“…What do I have to do to make you stop stealing him away for a while?” he asked after a moment.
“You can’t,” she answered immediately. “He owes me. Also he was mine first.”
T’Challa couldn’t help the scandalized squawk that came out of his mouth when she bolted from the room before he could argue.
.-.-.-.
Anniversaries were a quiet affair. Typically it was just Tony and T’Challa, because Shuri was a mature adult and still made kissy faces at them like she was three. This time, however, Tony had insisted on Natasha and Shuri being present.
It was a good thing Tony had included Shuri, because for a moment, T’Challa wanted to kick Natasha’s ass.
T’Challa waited until the dishes were cleared away before set his gift to Tony on the table.
“Ooh! It’s smaller than last year!” Tony said, but still looked ecstatic about it. He made grabby hands. “Can I open it?”
Helplessly charmed, T’Challa didn’t even have it in him to tease, instead sliding the small wrapped box over to him. “I hope you like it.”
Tony untied the tiny bow and then began tearing at the wrapping paper. “Of course I will. It’s from you!” He paused when he found what seemed like a notepad, tilting his head, but then his eyes went wide with surprise when he found it was a bunch of coupons. He gasped quietly, delighted. “I’ve never gotten these in my life! Are there really coupons for—” He gasped again. “Massages?! An hour of your time, any time?! This is the best!”
Shuri smiled as he shoved the coupon book into her face. “Is it better than vibranium?”
“This is way better than vibranium!” Tony said giddily. “This is time with T’Challa!”
Shuri’s smile turned smug. It then quickly turned into a grimace when T’Challa kicked her under the table. “I had the vibranium put in your lab.”
The brunet gasped again. “You got me the coupon book and vibranium?!”
“Always surprised,” Natasha murmured to herself.
T’Challa smiled helplessly. Tony was so easy to please. He was so glad that Tony was his.
“Now I feel kind of bad,” Tony admitted, beginning to frown, and reached out to fiddle with the wrapping on his package. “I don’t think you’ll like them.”
Natasha reached out to pat his shoulder. “Why don’t you let him decide?” she asked gently, then shot T’Challa a look that said ‘if you don’t like it you better fucking lie.’
He would be offended, but Shuri was giving him the same look.
“I am sure I will like whatever you have gotten me,” T’Challa insisted, holding his hands out for the box.
Tony looked like he’d rather pitch the box out the window, but eventually handed it over. “Sorry.”
T’Challa fought the urge to grab the brunet and cuddle him into submission, instead focusing on unwrapping his gift. He could cuddle Tony later. After… other things. He set the gift wrap aside and opened the box. And he stared.
“I told you that you wouldn’t like them,” Tony said miserably in his silence.
T’Challa stared a moment longer, then covered his mouth to attempt to smother the laughter he was struggling to hold in. Eventually, he had to give up, bursting into hysterics.
Shuri stared at him, eyes wide. “What? What is it?”
“How many are there?” T’Challa asked between guffaws.
Tony looked like he wanted to die from embarrassment. “Fifty.”
“What is it?” Shuri asked again, impatient.
T’Challa felt tears forming in his eyes and he didn’t even care. He reached into the box and plucked up one of the coasters, holding it up for his sister to see.
Shuri gawked. “Is… is that a cat’s hind end?”
Tony began sliding under the table. “Let me die.”
“This is wonderful. We must use these when the chiefs come to visit next time,” T’Challa insisted to his sister.
Tony yelped, sitting up in his chair again. “Oh my God, no!”
But Shuri was grinning and nodding in agreement. “I like the way you think, brother.”
“You are going to give me a stroke!” Tony snapped, lunging to grab the box of coasters, and whined loudly when the younger man swiftly held it out of reach. “T’Challa, please.”
“These are wonderful and I love them,” T’Challa told him sincerely. “How do you think these things up, Tony?”
Tony made a long distressed sound and covered his blushing face with his hands.
“Truly, I love these,” T’Challa said, grinning again. “And I love you.”
“I gave the king of Wakanda cat butt coasters,” Tony whispered to himself. “Your real present was supposed to be in the bedroom.”
T’Challa paused to stare at him. “…Well, I still like these coasters and I am going to use them.”
Shuri took the box from him, digging through it to look at all the different colors. “You two have a good night then. Oh,” she added, looking back up, and made kissy faces at her brother. “Mwah mwah mwah! T’Challa’s in lo-ove!”
“I despise you,” T’Challa told her, because she did these things just to embarrass him. He grabbed Tony and slung him over his shoulder. “But goodnight anyway.”
Tony waved half-heartedly, still flushed bright red. “Bye.”
Natasha waved back as she watched them go, smiling a little. “Disgusting.”
Shuri waited until they left the room before she asked, “How long did it take you to make these?”
“It was pretty easy once I figured out how to crochet at all. Maybe a couple hours each at the beginning, then I got it down pat and it took about an hour,” the spy replied, leaning her chin on her hand as she reached out for a calico coaster. “I said I could crochet as a joke a long time ago, but he never picked up on it. Then when he came and asked me to do this, I didn’t have the heart to tell him I couldn’t.”
“You really like Tony, don’t you?” Shuri said, smiling at her. “Learning to crochet just to help him with his anniversary gift.”
Natasha sighed. “Yeah.” She frowned at the coaster. “If people ever found out, they wouldn’t find me as threatening. God. Tony’s turned me into a marshmallow.”
Shuri snorted. “Do not pretend as if you do not know how to kill someone with a crochet hook.”
The spy was silent for a long moment before she said, “Actually, they would make a great torture device. Nice.”
“You are the worst,” Shuri told her, but there wasn’t any heat to it. She found a coaster that she was sure was meant to look like the Black Panther. “Oh, I’m keeping this one.”
Natasha chuckled. “I can make T’Challa a new one if he misses it.” She flipped the coaster so it flopped onto the table. “Nerds.”