Chapter Text
Blocked Out
~Michael~
It had been 3 months since the squip had been gone. Jeremy had been doing better, from what I knew. Jeremy and I had started dating two months ago, and things were going extremely well. Or they were, until today. He was off today for some reason. I caught him plenty of times staring off into space or twitching randomly. Each time he tried to play it off as he was tired, or he was worried about another nameless thing. Now, as we walked home, hand in hand, I could tell something was off. Usually, we talked the whole entire time, usually him starting the conversation. But now, he was as quiet as a mouse. It looked like he was almost afraid to say anything.
Finally, fed up with him looking like this, I stopped walking, making sure Jeremy stopped with me. "Jeremy. What's wrong?"
He looked around, trying to avoid any eye contact with me at all. "N-nothing's wrong, Mikey. D-don't worry-" He dropped his hand from mine, and started twitching, pulling at his hair. Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut, looking like he was trying to block something out. He started muttering incoherent words and phrases, making me worry about him again. Finally, the twitching stopped and he grabbed my hand again, squeezing it tight. "Please don't worry about me again."
My eyes widened, I couldn't believe him. "After what just happened, how am I not supposed to worry about you?!"
"What do you mean "what just happened"? Nothing happened."
I let out a frustrated sigh and grabbed Jeremy's other hand. I squeezed them tight and stared into his eyes, pleading. "Jer, please tell me what's wrong..."
Jeremy glanced around before his gaze settled back on me and he frowned. "Fine. But let's go somewhere more private first."
I nodded and followed him as he led us down the sidewalk to his house.
~~~~
The rest of the walk was in silence, neither of us talked. Neither of us really knew what to say.
Once we were inside Jeremy's house, we headed to his room, and he sat down on his bed, forcing me to sit down with him. He looked into my eyes, intertwining our hands again.
"I-it's the squip."
My eyes widened and I stared at him. My emotions were a mix of sadness and anger. The squip had been gone for 3 months and Jeremy hadn't once mentioned it, and now all of a sudden he was back. I was furious, but I couldn't let Jeremy see that. I didn't want him to think that I was mad at him. So instead of getting mad, I asked the first question that popped into my head. "Is he back?"
Jeremy shook his head, and a sigh of relief escaped my mouth. Thank god he wasn't back. But the hope I had didn't last for long. "He's just kinda there. Every once in a while, he tries to take control. That's what the fidgeting is. I can hear his voice, Mikey. He's telling me to... to end it, and to kill myself... Saying that I'm worthless and useless. Mikey, is he right? Am I worthless... am I noting?" Tears started to fall from Jeremy's eyes, and I quickly gathered him up into my arms, holding him tightly.
"No.. no, no, no, no. You're not fucking worthless, Jer. You are worth more than anything," I told him, pressing him against my chest. After a while of just sitting like that, I asked, "When did this start?"
"Last month... The squip told me to... do things. I tried to stop myself, Michael. I really did... but I just kept doing it and... I'm sorry," he kept apologizing. At first, I was confused. What could he be apologizing for, what could he have done? A then it hit me. The squip had told him to hurt himself. How I knew, I didn't know. But I was sure I was right.
I shook my head, reaching for his arms. He flinched, and I knew I was right. Jeremy didn't stop me as I rolled up his sleeves, revealing the crisscrossed scars, some older and some fresh. How could I have not noticed them? "Oh my God, Jer. Oh my fucking God." I pulled him as close as I could, staring off into the space behind him. My mind was buzzing a thousand miles per hour, and I had so many questions, but he didn't want to overwhelm Jeremy, not now. But one question bugged him more than anything, so he had to ask. "Did you try and stop him?"
Jeremy nodded into my chest, before saying, "Y-yeah. But h-he just blocked me out." He broke out into another fit of sobs, clutching onto my sweatshirt. "I-I'm so sorry Mikey. I-I tried to get him to stop..."
"Shh. None of this is your fault, there is nothing to feel sorry for." I paused. "From now on I'll just have to keep an extra close eye on you. I won't let you out of my sight."
He pulled away from the hug a little, just so he could press a quick kiss to my lips before he retreated back into the hug. "Y-You're not mad?"
I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Of course not. I could never be mad at you. If anything, I'm mad at the squip." I felt him nod, and I placed a kiss on the top of his head. "I love you, Jeremy Heere."
"I love you too, Michael Mell."
For the rest of the night, Jeremy and I cuddled. I did my best to try and wipe the squips words from his head, but I knew deep down they would always be there. No matter how many times I would tell him he was worth it or loved, or anything, there would always be that tiny voice in the back of his head telling him that everything I was saying was a lie. There was no fixing that problem. When Jeremy took the squip, he changed his life forever. It was like a weed: just when you thought you had gotten rid of it all, it comes back again, sprouting back up in places it wasn't wanted. And the squip was definitely not wanted inside Jeremy's head.
I glanced over at Jeremy, passed out in my arms, and carefully moved him under the covers, trying my best not to wake him. I peeled off my sweatshirt, and jeans and climbed into bed next to him, wrapping my arms around him again. He stirred a little, and curled into me, resting his head in the crook of my neck. I kissed his cheek, and promised him, myself, and the squip that, I would do my best to protect and love Jeremy. I would do anything for him. I wouldn't let him be blocked out of his own mind.