Work Text:
I woke up slowly. The first thing I remembered noticing was how loud it was. I could feel that I was moving fast; I assumed I was on the Hogwarts Express. My first thought came with a pang of worry as I wondered if I’d been expelled. My memory was still foggy as I finally turned my head, realizing I was not in fact in a train but in a muggle car. I couldn’t see his face, not yet, not that I would register it if I could. It was dark outside and I could only see the bright light of a street lamp in the far distance. The only light was the car’s headlights. As I began to become more awake I felt more aware of the pain. My entire body felt as though it’d been ripped to shreds. Moving any more would surely cause it to worsen or alarm whoever was driving.
Immediately, I began to assess my situation. My clothes were torn, as shredded as my muscles and joints. I could see that many areas were wounded but not bleeding, as if someone had placed a spell to stop the bleeding. This had to be the work of whoever was driving. My clothes were damp, as if I’d taken a swim, but my memory still wasn’t there. I couldn’t feel anything in my pockets so I couldn’t be certain where exactly my wand was. Glancing at the driver, I couldn’t tell if he was a muggle or a wizard. I knew certain blood traitors that took up muggle skills like driving. It was a man, judging by the silhouette. He didn’t so much as look over, preoccupied by the road ,but he also didn’t seem too rigid in his driving. The speed of the car was going fast so the likelihood of survival if I jumped out of the car was unlikely in my current condition. Besides, without my wand or any idea where I was I had no way of getting back to Hogwarts. Though I was very curious to know where I was or what was going on, instinct told me to hold back and wait.
After moments of debating, it no longer mattered as the driver spoke himself. “You awake over there?” Immediately, I filed away the details I had. The voice was male, confirming my earlier assumption, and he sounded around my age. Forcing myself to sit up a little, I felt pain shoot up through my back and arms as I tried to get a better look at his face. He turned just enough for you to recognize him, and the question, now answered, brought many more questions to the table. What in Hell was James Potter doing driving me somewhere in the middle of the night?
“Does Sirius need something?”I croaked, surprised by my lack of voice. I was certain for a minute James hadn’t heard me until he glanced at me, grimacing slightly.
“Er, not quite,” James replied, gripping the steering wheel just tight enough for me to notice. “He didn’t….he wasn’t sure how to help you.”
“What am I doing here?” I asked. The pain, although still strong, was becoming background noise to my curiousity. I searched my memory for the last twenty-four hours but came up blank. I couldn’t remember at all.
“I have no idea,” James admitted. It was actually very strange to see him with such a serious expression as I usually saw him pranking others or making jokes with Sirius and their friends. I suppose this could be considered an emergency situation considering my wounds and possibly whatever happened to cause them, but I still was only assuming. He continued, “Your idiot house-elf apparated you both into Sirius’s flat. Sirius summoned me and now here we are. I will say, your house-elf disappeared rather quickly, something about needing to hide something--”
“You didn’t take me back to the castle?” I ridiculed, letting my head fall back onto the seat cushion.
“Are you delusional?” James responded incredulously, peering at me for a second before turning back to the road. “Do you want to explain to Madam Pomphrey how you, while sleeping in your dorm like you’re supposed to, got in a fistfight with a food grater?”
I wondered why he didn’t just take me to the hospital or even why he bothered to keep me out of trouble. It’s not like we were friends. I’d barely spoken to him. It was kind of an unspoken rule that Sirius and I pretended the other didn’t exist. Instead, though, I asked, “Where are we going?”
“To a friends’’ house,” James asserted. “One that doesn’t mind that you’ve got a little snake on your arm.”
I take all this in. It was, after all, quite a bit of information. From James’s story I knew that Kreacher had been with me before I’d been injured, I’d been in Sirius’s flat for a short period of time, and I was now to trust that James was, in fact, bringing me to someone who could heal me properly or at all. I reasoned that James probably wouldn’t bother taking me to a particular place to let me die; if he had really been so apathetic, he would have just kicked me to the curb. I knew that Kreacher would find me, so I wasn’t too worried about those details. I was, however, still skeptical of the healing abilities of James’s friend. This could all still be a set-up, my instinct told me, which was dismaying to say the least.
“Why are you doing this?” I questioned finally, moving my hand to my pockets to check for my wand. No dice; I was completely wandless.
“Excuse me?” James replied, eyebrows furrowing.
“Never mind,” I muttered, looking out the window. I felt myself begin to drift again.
When I woke again, it smelled earthy and sweet. As I became conscious, I realized that someone was touching me and as memories of the car ride hit, I realized that they must be assessing my wounds. I was unworried, until he began feeling down my left arm. My eyes snapped open. “Don’t fucking touch it,” I howled, cringing inward and moving the arm close to my chest. I glanced around, as the silence sunk in, taking in the faces around me. Sitting on the couch was James’s wife, looking rather taken aback and sitting next to a fat man that must be Peter Pettigrew. James was standing next to Remus Lupin, who was the one who had been grabbing my arm. His face was mostly concerned and shocked. Up close and in person, I realized that he had a lot more scars on his face and arms than I remember. Next to him is a case full of vials. I couldn’t quite tell what was in them from my angle, laying on my back and spread out like a frog in potions class, but they must be necessary. The pain was still there and none of my wounds seemed improved so we must have recently arrived.
Millions of questions came into my head at once. Why hadn’t James apparated us to Remus’s house? Why were Peter and Lily here as well? Where was Kreacher, or Sirius for that matter? How long had I been unconscious for? Where was my wand? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I remember what happened?
“Do you know where you are, Regulus?” Remus asked gently, and I looked back at him. His eyes were green and despite his rugged appearance and scrappy clothes, he had a gentle air to him. I noted that in one of his hands was a threaded needle and in the other was his wand. Both made me a little more nervous as I remembered that I was unarmed. I scanned the room quickly for a replacement. A wand in Peter’s lap, one in James’s arms, and one in Lily’s pocket. The closest, obviously, was Remus’s, and deciding quickly, I shot up, grabbing for his. As soon as I attempted to stand up though, I collapsed, smashing my already cut up face into the floor so fast, I didn’t have time to react.
“FUCK!” I screamed as I lifted my head slightly, blood gushing out of my nose. Pushing myself up on shaky elbows, I attempted to wipe it away, as involuntary tears dripped down my cheeks. “Merlin’s fucking pants.”
“I will take that,” James swiped back Remus’s wand, tossing it to him. Unarmed and clearly too wounded to fight my way out, I lay my head on the floor, pulling your shirt up to dab at the bloody mess on your face. Remus reached over, gently turning me back onto my back and sitting me up.
“Lean forward a bit,” Remus commanded softly and I listened. I had no choice. In fact, I couldn’t see any way out of this situation. Looking at my audience didn’t help me feel any better about being trapped. Lily had pity written all over her face. Peter looked like my image made him queasy. James was glancing between me and a mirror, like the vain son-of-a-bitch he was. I immediately search for another plan.
I began by assessing the situation. This was obviously Remus’s house. It wasn’t too grand; it was a small little shack of a place with mismatched, beat-up furniture and bookcases lining the walls. From what it looked like, Remus tried to keep it neat despite the condition of most of his belongings. The hardwood floor felt cool beneath my hands. The back door was a viable option, if only I had the strength to stand up in run. I would require a different approach.
“Funny, this was all just a misunderstanding,” I squawked as Remus applied a soft handkerchief to my nose and forced me to lean slightly forward. “I just...you know I got piss drunk with my friends and this is all just the fine transfiguration work of my friend Barty Crouch Jr.”
Remus and James shared a look before Remus ignored me and asked again, “Do you know where you are?”
“At your house?” I asked, looking at James for confirmation. When I don’t receive it, I look back at Remus. “I don’t know. That prat fucking kidnapped me. Look, I gotta get back to school.”
“Not in that condition, you can’t,” Lily protested, and James’s hands formed into fists.
“I was the one who saved you, you little git,” James growled, sparking an idea within me.
“I was doing just fine before you kidnapped me.”
“ Saved you,” James corrected irritably. “And you were unconscious in Sirius’s flat, about to be kicked to the curb when I found you.”
“Could you all leave us alone for a moment?” Remus requested before I could reply, and they did as they were told, exiting onto the front porch, each one catching Remus’s eye before they left. The silence felt eerie to me and despite the fact that the easiest way to run away would be to annoy the fuck out of everyone in the room (which I’d almost successfully done), it had always felt different with Remus. He shared a kind of calm, intelligent energy I associated with myself, and I enjoyed his presence more than I’d likely admit, as a Slytherin.
“They couldn’t even trust you alone with me,” I forced myself to smirk. “I’m a dangerous Death Eater. I know you’re not pure-blooded. I could kill you, you know. How stupid of you to be alone with me.”
“Regulus, I know what you’re doing,” Remus answered patiently. “It was really difficult for me to ask for help for a really long time. And I know it’s still very difficult for Sirius. He used to push us away too. Let me be honest, Regulus. You are in bad condition, and I am not completely trained in healing. I can stitch you up and clean the cuts, but I don’t know what type of magic did this to you or if it will have any effect on your healing. But I’m going to need you to cooperate. Will you do that?”
I looked away. It was hard to stand, hearing about him. But I nodded slightly.
“What’s your middle name?” Remus asked, lifting the handkerchief from my face. The bleeding seemed to have stopped or at least slowed, although my face still felt very sticky from where I’d smeared blood.
“Arcturus,” I answered.
“What house are you in?”
“Slytherin.”
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
“Four.”
“Good,” Remus breathed out, writing something down on a piece of parchment I’d failed to notice. “Follow my finger with your eyes.” After a complete check-up, Remus began again carefully searching your left arm for cuts. When he got too close to my mark, I flinched backwards.
“Don’t touch the mark,” I warned, pleading him with my eyes to listen.
“Why not?”
“It can summon...him,” I admitted somewhat shamefully. I showed him the red outline of the Dark Mark, a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth.
“I know, Regulus,” Remus said slowly. “Is it usually that color?”
“I’m not being summoned or anything,” I responded, before realizing Remus probably didn’t have direct correspondence with anyone who had a Dark Mark. “It turns black whenever he summons us or when I...when he’s summoned.” I purposely left out the fact that every time it turned black it was like you were being branded again. The searing sensation in my arm was sometimes so unbearable that I’d shouted in response to a summoning before.
“Curious,” Remus murmured, carefully touching everywhere but the mark. “I’m going to need you to try to take your shirt off.”
Unbuttoning the buttons of my shirt, I shoved it off despite the immediate fresh hot sensation it caused in my lower back.
“If you lay on your stomach, I can begin washing and stitching up some of your bigger tears,” Remus calmly spoke, and I did as I was told, laying my head on my arms, careful to avoid my left one. “Do you remember what happened to you?”
“No.”
“Do you remember anything before the car ride with James?”
“I remember…” I pushed at my mind for the last thing I remember, and in my mind, I remember vividly writing letters with tear-streaked cheeks as Kreacher sat on my bed in the boys’ dormitories. “I was writing to say goodbye because…” and just like that the memory returned. The Dark Lord asking to borrow my house-elf. Kreacher returning and telling of the treachery he’d witnessed, weak and weeping. I nursed him back to health, and then I realized that I’d gotten into something bigger than houses and wealth and class. The kind of magic the Dark Lord was creating was more vile than anything I’d ever seen, and I was not new to Dark Magic. It was an ancient study in the House of Black. I’d figured out what I had to do...and I’d written letters to all the people I loved in case I died. Kreacher then took me to the cave, and after replicating the locket and drinking the tortuous potion, I ordered Kreacher to exchange the lockets. Meanwhile, I’d dipped into the cavern’s lake for a drink to wash down whatever dark magic had slid down my throat…
I’d almost died.
Seconds before slipping below the surface, dragged down by Merlin knows what, I’d connected fingers with Kreacher who immediately apparated us, during which I’d slipped out of consciousness.
“Why were you writing letters, Regulus?” Remus inquired.
I gulped, barely even feeling him stitch my skin back together. “I was running away,” I lied. “I was dropping out to become a Death Eater.”
After that, Remus went silent, working with obvious concentration. He had to stitch up a cut on my forehead, quite a few on my arms and legs and one on my chest, and he only had to bandage one arm. Most cuts he used a sticky strip to hold together, telling me not to move around too much, which I certainly obliged. After a few hours of painful cleaning and stitching, and James re-entered, still holding his blasted mirror. I didn’t comment. Not only had my earlier display been shameful and would have made my mother disappointed, but I was still not wanting to stay here for longer than I had to. I appreciated Remus’s kindness and willingness to help me, but I knew that depending on people meant owing them, and I really didn’t have it in me anymore.
“How is he?” James asked, ignoring me completely. He pushed his glasses up his nose. I marveled at how handsome he looked, even now as an adult. Wild black hair, hazel eyes, a strong jaw, and a little muscle on the arms and legs, despite his skinny figure. He was attractive in an easy way, like everyone could look at his features and just recognize him as a pretty boy.
“He’ll be alright, but I don’t know what kind of magic did this. Do you think we should call a meeting?”
“I doubt we are high enough rank to call one, but we could certainly ask for help. Has he come to about it?”
“He was running away,” Remus grimaced, giving a dubious look that I didn’t miss. “Right, Regulus?”
“Yup,” I replied darkly, as James’s eyes shifted to mine. “Decided that being a Death Eater should be my full occupation.”
James’s eyes moved back to Remus’s coldly. “He’s just a child. He obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
“I’m eighteen,” I argued. “I’m of legal age.”
“That doesn’t magically make you mature or even in your right mind,” James shot back. “Do you think we’re idiots? Do you think you’re such a smart man fooling all the people trying to help you? If there is dark magic in your cuts, you could never heal. You could die a painful death! Is that what you want?”
“I want you to mind your business,” I bit out, and for a second there was a strange tension as we glared at each other from opposite sides of the room. I could smell the sweat and blood on my body. It was too hot in this room, and it smelled like Remus, which made me feel guilty for taking up his space with my mistakes. Everything seemed to make me feel angry and conflicted and emotional.
“We won’t ask for details,” Remus proposed delicately. “But do you remember what kind of spell caused this?”
“If...if it was a spell,” I started, before stopping. I racked my head for every spell I knew, but couldn’t think of any that made...whatever those were in the lake. “It’s not a spell I’ve ever seen before. I don’t know what they were.”
“That’s where details would come in handy,” James remarked flatly. Remus shot him a quieting look.
“What, who, were? Was it some sort of creature?” Remus continued to probe, laying a calming hand on my shoulder. I decided that I really like Remus. Unlike the rest of their group, he felt genuinely warm-hearted, and he had a way of speaking and acting that made me feel like I wasn’t being ridiculed. I could never tell with the others. It definitely made me relieved.
“Look I…” I looked at Remus, then James, and back to Remus. “I can’t tell you. I really don’t know what they were myself. I really appreciate your help, but I’m really fine.”
They shared a look once more.
“How about you rest for now?” Remus suggested.
“What was that?” I demanded, looking back and forth between them. “What’s that look?”
“We think you’re rushing into this,” James admitted bluntly. “But we know we don’t have a lot of input on your decisions. But we think maybe someone else…”
“Sirius?” I scoffed. “Sirius has no better of a grasp on what to do with me. Besides, I don’t need your help. I’m fine on my own.”
“Sirius? Well no…” Remus scratched his head.
“Perhaps, Dumbledore could--”
“Are you mad?” I snapped, my head whipping in his direction. “I could get expelled...is that what you want? To have my entire life ruined because you want to intervene?”
“What about Slughorn?” Remus started, trying to keep the peace.
But I shook my head vehemently. “I already asked him for help before...a few days ago. He got all pale and ghostlike. I’m certain he can’t help me.”
“Who can help you?” James asked, obviously irritated by my lack of cooperation. Good. Not everything should be so easy for him. I doubt anything has ever been difficult for him, the buffoon.
Pop! Just like that a figure popped into the room. Kreacher, returned, still looked tired and sickly, like when he’d returned from his visit to the cave with the Dark Lord. An old house-elf, he had tufts of scratchy white hair coming out of his long ears. His skinny long fingers were covered in dirty but new bandages.
“Kreacher!” I exclaimed, beckoning him over. He came to my side immediately, tugging somewhat nervously at his ears, as I’d seen house-elves do so many times. His eyes grew teary, but he gave hard looks to Remus and James.
“Two foul excuses of wizards, one a blood traitor known and true and the other’s blood as filthy as a mudbloods,” Kreacher muttered, not even attempting to hide his distaste. No doubt his words were replications of words said by my mother but they were felt deeply by Kreacher nonetheless.
“Is that any way for a house-elf to treat a wizard?” James inquired, although he didn’t seem to be affected by the words. Remus looked a little unsure, but James looked as though those were words he’d heard before.
“You’ve gone and punished yourself again,” I interrupted, not bothering James with a response. At this, Kreacher turned back to me, tears welling up in his eyes. His grimace deepened, and he tugged on his ears again, looking as though he was stretching them out.
“Kreacher has disobeyed his Master. Oh, how would Madame would yell if Madame knew what a disobedient house-elf Kreacher has been,” Kreacher’s tugging became more aggravated and painful looking.
“Kreacher, look at me,” I requested firmly, making sure I had his attention. His white-blue eyes watched as if they were absorbing every word that I said, as if he would keep it all in his memory for keepsake. I wondered how anyone could ever take advantage of the adoring obedience of house-elves. With a slow and tender hand, I placed a hand on his hard, pale head. “You did a good job. You saved my life. I will never be able to thank you enough for saving me. I am glad you disobeyed my order, you hear me?”
“Yes, Master,” Kreacher’s voice cracked as tears spilled from his eyes and down his wrinkled cheeks.
I looked back at Remus and James, fiercely proud of my house-elf. Both had mouths agape, and I knew my behavior was unbecoming; as an heir, I was to act as though everyone were beneath me and only sort with people of my stature, but I’d always found a friend in Kreacher, who had always cooked for me and cleaned after me and helped me when I scraped my knee or felt left out when my brother grew away from me. I also knew that despite the “activists” they believed themselves to be, there was very little chance either of them had considered the treatment of house-elves.
“I’m going to go find Sirius,” James said abruptly and with that, he apparated. Remus looked a little stunned, but gently lowered his head.
“I suppose it is you we should thank for Regulus’ safety,” Remus remarked, still somewhat surprised but willing to go with the flow. Again, I appreciated Remus for his natural adaptation skills when it came to socializing with others. “I was wondering, that is, if you knew what kind of magic hurt him? We all just want to make certain that whatever it is won’t kill Regulus.”
“Master Regulus commanded Kreacher to never speak of the incident,” Kreacher started, his eyes voicing his disgust and the offense he took of Remus’s statement. He wrung his hands with his face scrunched up, about to let loose a stream of no-doubt bigoted insults before I interrupted him.
“It’s alright, Kreacher,” I patted his shoulder. “If you know what they...what attacked me, could you tell us?”
Kreacher glanced from me to Remus and back. He clawed at his neck and stared off as he seemed to rack his brain for the answer. “Kreacher does not know,” Kreacher spoke finally. “Kreacher only remembers that when Kreacher was brought to the cave where dark deeds were hidden the Master did say this riddle, “Hidden in the water, still asleep/hides the shadows of the deep. If in despair you’d like a drink, quench your thirst and begin to sink.”
My memories of the Crystal Lake come rushing back again and I’m sucked back into the nightmare. I remember the boat we took and the fear I felt. But my determination was stronger; I no longer wished to remain stagnant. I’d spent my life just following orders and I’d hurt many people by just following everyone’s lead. For once, I wanted to do something because I thought it was the right thing to do.
With that in mind, I’d entered the cave, Kreacher trembling in fear beside me, glancing into the cave’s lake as though something was waiting just below the surface. Who would have thought there really had been something waiting there? We had to find an invisible boat, hidden near the edge of the wall. Once found, Kreacher and I could suddenly see the island in the middle, with a basin at its center. Kreacher began to shake more violently the closer we got. Once beached, I was immediately drawn to the dark magic lurking beneath the surface of the potion in the basin. It looked so harmless, but I’d always had a nose for dark arts. There was something so sickeningly tempting about it. Kreacher gave a pleading look, having been warned hours ago that he mustn’t argue with me anymore. I was going to do it.
After the first taste, I knew I’d overestimated my skills. Every drink tasted like I was shredding my insides. It felt like my spine was collapsing. It felt like bones were being grinded and my organs were imploding. I began to see things, twisted things. In my visions, Sirius and my cousins were being eaten alive or tortured. My house-elf was being bent in half or punted into oblivion. But mostly fucked up things appeared. I saw strange creatures with legs that poked out of nowhere and little dark balls of dust with eyes that climbed on my body and a bird with teeth kept licking his lips as he circled overhead. They all watched me as I took drink after drink of that potion, and they all laughed and repeatedly tried to convince me to kill myself.
It was unbearable. I begged Kreacher to stop many times, pleaded with him to take me home, but the stone cup never left my hands and I continued to force myself to drink it until the very last drop. There it was, shining in the little light the cave seemed to have. Kreacher grabbed it, wrapping it around one hand.
Weeping, I began to rock back and forth. Despite the capture of the horcrux, the visions and voices wouldn’t stop talking and wouldn’t stop telling me to kill myself. I was so thirsty and tired and I felt like I hadn’t had anything real to drink in months. It was all so very overwhelming. I tried to conjure water, but it evaporated before It could make it into my mouth. Desparate, I approached the lake with cupped hands, scooping the water--
I remember calm for a millisecond before utter chaos broke out. The beings, whatever they were, were climbing over themselves just to try to grab me. They tugged my clothes and pulled on my limbs. I lost my balance before I knew what happened, but I knew immediately after that they were going to drown me. I could feel them actively trying to pull me under. I could feel teeth biting into all over my body, and I should have known that the Dark Lord wouldn’t just let intruders waltz right in and steal his horcrux.
“GO!” I screamed to Kreacher. “DESTROY THAT LOCKET JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU TO. IT IS OUR ONLY HOPE!”
There was a struggle, and I was about to give up, when I felt the touch of Kreacher’s hand on mine, and suddenly I passed out.
“I’ve heard that riddle before,” I said now, wracking my brain for where I’d heard it. There were quite a few books with dark riddles in them, and there was no way for me to identify which one that quote was from. I had to get back home, get to my bookcase and find it. But first I had to get out of here. “Remus, I’ve got--”
Pop!
“--to go back home!”
Everyone looked and I could practically see the rage contort Sirius’s face as he apparated and heard those words.
“You brought me here so Regulus could take me home?” Sirius asked incredulously, betrayal written all over his face.
“Yeah, that sounds like something I would do,” James retorted sarcastically, which seemed to soothe Sirius slightly but his eyes were still on fire with fury. He pulled out his wand, aiming it at me. I gave a half-hearted attempt to look for my wand, but I knew that my wand was gone so it was pointless.
“Where’s my wand?” I asked in a low voice, my eyes never leaving Sirius’s.
“Alright, everyone, let’s settle down,” Remus attempted to make peace, but Sirius only clenched his jaw tighter.
“How dare you take his side,” Sirius seethed.
“There’s no side to take!” Remus yelled, which caused James, Sirius, and me to jump in alarm, our attention caught for the moment. “Why are you two so bloody dramatic? Regulus was hurt so we wanted his closest relative to come.”
“So when will Mummy be here?” Sirius sneered.
“If you yell loud enough, any time now,” I jabbed back.
“Well at least I have the voice for it.”
“You’d still be screaming even if you didn’t. You just like to hear yourself talk.”
“I favor it to hearing you talk.”
“You’re the least of my problems,” I exploded. “I didn’t want your friends to help me so don’t bother blaming them. I don’t need any of your help. What I need is to go . I need you to give me my wand and some floo powder and for all of you to leave me alone. ”
James and Remus exchanged another look while Sirius glanced back and forth between the both of them.
“Regulus, your wand wasn’t on you when we found you,” Remus cleared his voice. With all the communication going on between the three men’s eyes, I knew they were unsure to think about my situation, but I shared my own look with Kreacher. We both knew where my wand was...at the bottom of that lake. Although, now that I was thinking about it, I’d left a note in the fake horcrux, which was evidence enough of what I’d done. Then again, I was doubtful that the Dark Lord would return and try to take out the locket. But why would he wrangle with...whatever those things were? Surely he wouldn’t want to mess with those things just to see if there was evidence of an intruder. I wasn’t quite sure of what the Dark Lord would do, but I knew there was no getting my wand back. I wondered if I could buy a new one without Mum and Father finding out about it. They’d surely want to know where my other one had went.
“Then I’ve got to be leaving,” I decided. Despite the pain and ache in my bones, I slowly stood, using all my effort to keep myself standing up. Kreacher’s eyebrows drew inwards in concern but I shook my head.
“Who did this to you?” Sirius asked suddenly, his face unreadable.
I didn’t know what to say, but even after all this time, I didn’t want to lie to my brother. Even though we’d been nothing but angry with each other for years, it felt like something he needed to know. “I don’t know what they are,” I admitted. “I...I think I messed up. But I still have a chance to right my wrongs. That’s all you need to know.”
“What do you mean?” Sirius shifted his weight, eyeing you with a suspicious look on his face.
“The Dark Lord is far stronger than you and I will ever know,” I said solemnly, glancing at Kreacher for confirmation. He bowed his head. “Far more wicked and unexplainably cruel. I suppose I latched onto the idea that with power and progress a little lack of compassion was necessary…I can’t say I believe that anymore.”
“You can’t fight You-Know-Who alone,” Sirius scoffed, glancing around at everyone in the room. “I mean, c’mon, he can’t. Dumbledore is the only one You-Know-Who’s afraid of and even he can’t battle him alone. Especially if he’s got an army of brilliant but impressionable children like you.”
“I’m not a child,” I snapped immediately but rubbed my neck in shame a moment after. “But you are right. Before anyone can defeat the Dark Lord, I must do my part.”
“Wherever you’re going, I’m going too,” Sirius said decidedly, his face lined with determination. He flipped his long locks back proudly, looking like a Trojan soldier sailing a wild sea.
“No, you’re not,” I snorted.
“I am too,” James agreed, his eyes furrowing. He clutched his fist. “Whatever you’re doing, I want to help. Anything to help bring the fall of that maniac.”
“If you need my help, I will give it as well,” Remus added, and his felt the most sincere, like always. “I must insist that at the very least you don’t do it alone. If you have people to help you, why not use them?”
Looking from boy to boy, I realized that unlike me, they really were men. I could see it in their faces. They were fierce and loyal, and although it reminded me of my brothers in Slytherin, it was different. They weren’t young; even just two years older, they were jaded. For some reason, it struck me that they might understand. They would comprehend why I wanted to redeem myself. Remus bowed his head in respect. James jutted his chin up, an adventurous smile curving his lips upward. Sirius thrust his arm out, a mischievous look in his eye despite his solemn attitude.
“I’ll tell you everything I know,” I conceded, taking Sirius’s hand and shaking it.
“The Marauders are on the case,” James grinned.
“I’ll go get Peter…”
“Tell us everything you know.”
“Sirius, are you crying?”
“No, I’m not , Wormtail.”
“Remus, can you get Padfoot a tissue?”
“Oh, sod off!” Sirius sneered, haphazardly wiping his face with his sleeve. His long black locks looked like they hadn’t been brushed in a while. Like his personality, his hair was wild and unkept, free. His eyes, however, were cold and grey like mine. It was odd to find myself in him, after all the years of fighting. It was odd to not be fighting.
“So...you believe You-know-who’s got a horcrux, right?” James confirmed, looking rather solemn for someone who a minute earlier was egging Sirius on. He, as always, was handsome in an obvious way, unlike Sirius who was more like a beautiful mystery. James was obviously athletic, with muscles lining his lean body. He had a brilliant white smile and hazel eyes. His dorky glasses didn’t even look that bad; James could have made ugly look good. Still, he was easy on the eyes.
“I know he does,” I said, trying not to itch some of the cuts. I’d told them the entire story of my experience with the Crystal Lake, but I hadn’t indulged the time I’d had with the Dark Lord myself. “I myself have met the Dark Lord on occasion. He had me working on cursing some artifacts. I think it was the name, you know, the House of Black, that I became one of his main Death Eaters. But I got my mark because I pitched some ideas at a meeting.”
“You pitched ideas?” James frowned, his eyebrows turning inward as if he was confused. “Like How to Be Evil 101?”
“More like, I have access to ancient dark artefacts and after reviewing the curses I know and the capabilities of curses that could be made, I decided the magnitude of the curses could be, well, magnified.”
“You enjoyed the science of it?” Remus responded quietly, although he still looked as though he disapproved.
“There is logic behind the Dark Lord’s words,” I argued. “I’ve heard it from my father and mother before, too, but to them pureblood status is an elite social currency better than money. If the communities must be divided, wouldn’t it be logical? But the Dark Lord expounded upon that. Wizard society is expected to bow down before the muggles out of what, fear? And yet they can still trounce about in a wizard’s hat and play dress-up? It seems oddly like oppression coming from a group of people that are beneath wizardkind.”
“Lily’s parents are muggles,” James ground out, his eyes darkened. “They weren’t so bad.”
“Why try and stop You-Know-Who if you think he’s so great and you like playing with Dark Magic,” Sirius snapped, his arms crossed over his chest tightly and his eyes dripping with rage.
“Because I wasn’t actually thinking about muggles when I made my artefacts. It was more like an experiment of magic and I liked that. I don’t like muggles, and I can’t wrap my head around why a wizard would marry one or how on earth they could have magical abilities. But I do not wish someone harm just because they are below me,” I declared, giving a soft pat to Kreacher’s head. He sat quietly by my side, barely responding to my slight sign of affection. But I knew it didn’t go over his head. My dearest friend understood what I was saying.
“Your brother needs work…” James started, and for a moment, I prepared myself to get defensive, but he continued, “...but he’s shaping up to be more like his brother than we originally thought.”
For some reason, that filled my chest with pride. My heart began to ache hearing those words, and I turned to Sirius, who was actually beaming, his grin reaching from ear to ear.
“You can bet your arse he’s shaping up like me,” Sirius boasted. “He is a Black after all.”
It wasn’t like when we were little when we would do everything together and stay up at night making forts and telling stories. It wasn’t the same because we weren’t the same as we used to be and we never would be. It was different. But it was also better than nothing at all.
“Okay guys so...what are we going to do?” Peter asked. He was shorter and tubby, with squinty eyes, but he also had soft features that made him just as likeable as the other boys. He glanced from James to Remus, as if expecting them to direct the others.
“We definitely need to talk to Dumbledore,” Remus admitted.
“Do you have the horcrux now?” James asked.
“Kreacher hid it as Master Regulus asked Kreacher to,” Kreacher piped up.
“There aren’t many ways to kill it, and we can’t go back to that lake. I don’t know what was in that lake. I know my home has books on it though, I remember a riddle that Kreacher told me. It’s in one of my books at home, I know it. My book on horcruxes is there too.”
“Once we get the information on how to kill it, it’s still not going to be easy,” Remus informed us. “This is definitely some complicated magic.”
“I think we can handle it,” James smirked.
“Just because you can...you know a certain kind of magic,” Remus hinted, raising his eyebrows. “Doesn’t mean you will automatically know how to kill a horcrux.”
“Don’t forget we’ve got a Slytherin here,” James reminded him. “Four Gryffindor men who concurred magic beyond their years at Hogwarts and a Slytherin man who’s brave enough to take on the Dark Lord and admit when he’s wrong. That’s a rare team, you must admit.”
Another wave of joy erupted up my body. I realize that all these years I’d been jealous and angry at Sirius’s friends for taking him away from our family and thought that they did it on purpose out of spite or fury. It felt good knowing that hadn’t been the case at all. It felt good knowing that Sirius was still my brother.
“Sirius, you’ve been surprisingly quiet,” Peter commented, staring at the other man. Sirius had his chin cupped between two hands as he stared at the wall, seemingly a million miles away. His face suddenly lit up with a smile, a devious one at that, and he stood up so fast that he startled Kreacher.
“I’ve got an idea,” Sirius grinned maniacally, bringing his hands to his lips as he paced the room. Looking from one man to the next. “Oh, Merlin’s Beard, it’s insane and I would say it was beyond us if I didn’t have faith in everyone in this room. For most, it’s crazy but I think...I think we can...oh-”
“Just tell us already!”
Sirius stopped pacing, turning to face his audience. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do.”