Work Text:
Dear Sam,
Once upon a time, I had three chocolate chip cookies in the top drawer of my desk.
I spent two hours on the Hill this afternoon. I did not have fun, I was very much looking forward to enjoying my cookies, and now they’re gone.
Do you happen to know anything about this?
-Ainsley
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Dear Ainsley,
I’d advise against keeping food in your desk drawers, you’ll get ants.
-Sam
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Dear Sam,
As you no doubt noticed when you shamelessly stole my homemade chocolate chip cookies, I use Tupperware. It’s unlikely that my desk will be overrun with ants.
-Ainsley
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Dear Ainsley,
It wasn’t real Tupperware, it was the cheap stuff. Some animals could probably still break their way into your cookies. Deer, for example, or goats. Maybe even a moose.
-Sam
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Whatever, Sam. You owe me three chocolate chip cookies + interest (0.5 cookies per day).
-Ainsley
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[One week of silence]
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SAMUEL
NORMAN
SEABORN
YOU
NOW
OWE
ME
EIGHT
COOKIES
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Ainsley,
Your choice of stationary did nothing to complement your tone.
-Sam
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Hi Ainsley,
Where did you get your giraffe post-its??? They’re so cute!
-Donna
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Sam,
I didn’t want to seem too bossy.
Also, my interest rate just went up. It’s now 1 cookie per day. (I don’t actually care that much if you think I’m bossy.)
-Ainsley
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Sam,
You are now ten cookies in debt.
I’m not unreasonable, I’m open to bargaining. For example, not only will I accept cupcakes instead of cookies, I will also consider one cupcake to be worth two cookies.
-Ainsley
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Donna, what the hell? Are you nine?
-J
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Ainsley,
Do you have some sort of conversion chart I can use?
-Sam
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August 14, 2:34pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Conversion Chart
Attachments: chart02.jpg
See attached.
Kind regards,
Ainsley Hayes
Associate White House Counsel
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August 14, 5:13pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Conversion Chart
Wow. I was kidding.
Kind regards,
Sam Seaborn,
Deputy White House Communications Director
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Josh,
You need more whimsy in your life.
-Donna
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Sam,
I wasn’t kidding!!
A
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Dear Sam,
Fine. I am officially occupying the high road. I will no longer harass you for the 15 cookies you now owe me (which, in half an hour, will actually become 16 cookies. Just in case you were wondering).
-Ainsley
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[December 24]
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Ainsley,
I owe you 139 of these things, right? Have a good Christmas.
-Sam
P.S. Don’t eat them all at once and make yourself sick, I have too much stuff I need you to do!