Archive of Our Own

Day One: 

Or well, day one since I left that cell. I've been in a dungeon for maybe three days, it was really hard to see the light change from day to night underground, but if I'm right about eight hour shifts, then three days, plus one out, so technically it's day four. Four days since the entire world changed. Literally. Haha, maybe I should clarify what the heck I'm talking about.  

I was attending my son's graduation, my little man was holding his diploma up and celebrating with all his friends. I have never felt so proud. Then my ex showed up... he's my ex for a reason. Shawn and I do nothing but fight, at one point in our lives physically. It had reached the point that I had his parental rights revoked- but when Alex turned 18, as he had some months back, Shawn no longer had to abide by what that all important at one time paper said. Or says, it should still be in my safe back home. I think. Does time flow the same way there? Or is it possibly faster in one place then the other? If it flows faster there they may have moved it.  

Getting back on track- Shawn showed up. I can honestly say I have no idea what started the fight this time. We'd been cordial all night, I'd even offered to drive him back to his hotel room. I'm just that kind of person. All I remember is being in the middle of a huge argument when the light of my headlights reflected back at me from some poor unfortunate animals eyes. I can't for the life of me remember what kind of animal it had been, just the red glare of its eyes. I'm fairly certain I managed to avoid hitting it with the car, that tree wasn’t so lucky. Or us. Then... waking up, in an old, OLD fashioned, like medieval old, jail cell. With guards holding swords. Speaking a language I don’t know, covered in armor. Like real, genuine, dented and scuffed medieval armor. Yeah, it didn’t take long to figure out it wasn’t some kind of play or enactment, but real. Right down to magic.  

A bald man elf who reminds me a whole ton of my ultimate game crush, Solas, had been doing something to Shawn for the last day or so, which, duh, confirmed the whole I'm friggin nuts theory. Cause seriously, Solas? I caught him looking at me a few times when I was muttering nonsense to myself, I may have said his name a few time. He thinks I'm nuts I'm sure, I mean, I was huddled in a dark corner, arms wrapped around myself for warmth and rocking back and forth with my knees pulled up to my chest. Sounds like a perfect crazy lady picture to me! I hope it's not him, I'm fairly sure I said his other name a few time. You know, Fen'Harel- that name. I'm almost positive names stay the same despite the language barrier.   

So, not long after that, maybe a day, they dragged poor poor Shawn's barely standing body out of the cell, leaving me behind to entertain the dust moths. Not easy, the things won't stop floating all over. Yup.  

They eventually let me out, guess one mad lady doesn't deserve a whole cell to herself. No padding, might hurt myself. Pffft. No straitjacket either, although oddly enough I want to try that, just once. Anywho, since I can't understand a word of their language I have been doing my upmost to stay out of everyone's way, and since I happen to know very well what elfroot looks like I have spent my day so far picking them. Found that cabin in the woods, it was much farther from town then the game hints at. It didn’t take much to clean it, and those notes on the table will come in handy. I know I'll turn them in soon enough, but for now I want to study them, maybe try to get a basic idea of their language. Just a thought, right now I'm too tired to care. A video game. My life has become a video game, the Herald is my ex husband who hates me... my ex is the Herald. Shoot me now.  

Day Three: 

Great news! The Herald of Andraste lives and walks among us! Better news! HE HATES ME AND SIGNALED ME OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! I was passing by to go take the supplies I've gathered to the herbalist Adan, along with the notes ( I made copies last night), and who should come waltzing out of the chantry? Why, none other than my ex of course. Who blames me. Of course. So there we were, in the middle of everyone, having a yelling match no one understands, when the man literally picked me up by the throat and slammed me into the nearest wall as spittle rained on my face from his enraged yelling. Pretty sure I was turning blue when a super handsome man that may or may not have been Commander Cullen stepped in. I'm not 100% sure, I was a little busy trying to breath after Shawn backhanded me to the ground. I'm not stupid, I really wanted to retaliate, but he has the green hand so this is his ball game now. Cullen tried to explain something to Shawn in a very firm manner that Shawn oddly seemed to understand and even respond to- when and how did he learn their language? And where can I sign up? So there I was, on the ground, when gentle hands helped me up and lead led me away. No erasers here, bare with me.  

I really wish- sorta- that I had paid better attention to the person who'd helped me, maybe I would have found a way to excuse myself. The way the man walked should have clued me in real fast, only one person walks so regally. Of course, I'm no slouch myself, being raised a lady meant straight backs and high heads. The key is I walk with my hands in front of me, not behind me. In hindsight we probably looked pretty out of place walking to his cabin. He sat me down, lifted my head and examined my neck, blue magic flaring in his hand before he ghosted it over the skin. It felt, well, I don’t want to say, so we'll stick with different. Within seconds the throbbing eased and his hand floated over my cheek with the same results. Healing magic is nice, like a day at the spa. Seriously, or I was in a lot more pain than I thought. It was like instant relaxation. Or was, until I realized it was Solas in front of me and I was alone in his cabin. Finally he said something, that dreamy accent of his oozing over my senses like fine wine.  

I must not have responded fast enough because his next words were not dreamy, more scary actually. I just shrugged though, what else was I supposed to do, I have no idea what he said. Said as much too. There was a knock at the door, the lady elf on the other side was drop dead gorgeous. I mean- I'm straight and I was staring. She walked in, said something to Solas, he said something back, yada yada- then they both turned to me. Yikes. The mask on Solas's face actually broke enough for agitation to spike his brows a bit, and without another word he placed both hands on either side of my head and touched our foreheads together. I think I still have goosebumps. It was.... when I was younger I was being dumb and smoking a bit of pot with friends after a long day at an indoor pool. One second I hit that pipe, the next I was floating in a gentle but rocky sea, completely at peace and ignorant of what was going on, the sensation of it all overcoming my entire being. I really hope I described that right. I was actually on the ground having a seizure from the combination of too much chlorine and pot (which may have been laced)- but I'm fairly sure that wasn’t the case this time. Hopefully you get my point, one minute he touched me, the next I was in lala land. I saw, flashes, of emotion? You know what, I don’t know, it's fading too fast. Forget I mentioned it.  

So, he pulled back, and wallah! 

"Do you understand me?" Lady elf smiled gently at me. 

I'm actually proud of how fast I put the pieces together. "That was a language spell? I had no idea those existed." 

"Solas searched the Fade all night for that spell after learning the Herald did not know our language." He looked proud of this despite the lie behind it, bet he knew that spell the whole time. "I had not heard there was another who needed it."  

"Probably because I was hiding from him." I know I mumbled, but they both heard me. Elves have excellent hearing. And sight if I remember right. I was resigned, I already knew where this was going. I was actually half waiting for Leliana to walk through the door too, which, thankfully she did not. That woman scares me. "Ok, what do you want to know?" 

Both sets of eyebrows in front of me raised.  

"Look, don't play the good cop bad cop routine on me, ok? I know you have questions, you never would have stepped in to help otherwise. So ask away." 

"While I have no idea why Solas pulled you away, I do have questions." I raised my brows in anticipation at her. "What is a cop?" 

 Think, medieval times had no cops sooo, "A... guard? Someone who enforces the rules. I'm sorry, what is your name?" 

"I am Iselan Lavellan, and you are?" 

Someone pounded on the door, making me jump. Oddly it was Iselan who answered, not Solas. And it was my ex on the other side. Is it sad to say I would have preferred Leliana?  

He ranted and raved about something or other, I think it had something to do with their upcoming trip to the Hinterlands to see Sister uh, forgot her name. The nice lady who gives you hope. Then he stopped when he saw me. And glared.  

I saw the perfect opportunity, rambled something about having fun in the Hinterlands, please don’t kill the wolves, and bolted from the room. Banging on Adan's door, shoving my bag in his arms as he opened it, I did my best to hide my head while hastily fleeing town. Yes, I spent the rest of the night staring at my door afraid he'd find me, but thankfully, he didn’t.  

Day Five: 

I found out the devils spawn had been looking for me the other night, and when he couldn’t find me he took it out on one of the servants. I'd been searching for herbs fairly close to town when I found a young boy who looks similar in color to me huddled in a ball against a tree. The poor thing startled pretty bad when he heard me, but after looking at my face I guess he figured I could help. Maybe he was right, although I'm not sure how smart is it to have two woman: one a half starved elf trying to protect her son, and the other me, the evil ex- who looked similar to each other in one room. I spent the day watching her, cleaning the dried blood and forcing fluids down her throat. It has been a very long day.  

Day Six: 

Orina woke up today, she seems to be on the mend. But this addition to my new home has driven one very important fact in my face. We need food, and I have no coin. I have no means to earn coin. In my world I was a dog groomer, and if I may say so, a very good groomer too. Here? What do they have, Mabari? Yeah, my job doesn't exist. So where does that leave me? 

In a possibly deadly position. 

 Somehow in my crazy mind I decided that approaching Leliana was my best option, in the hopes that maybe I could trade? You know what, your right, it was nuts. But before I could change my mind there she was, pacing before me in the supply tent in front of the Chantry, while I calmly waited for her to notice me. Or, well, acknowledge me, I'm positive she already noticed me.  

"You, you are the one the Herald mistreated before the Chantry, yes?" 

Carefully keeping my hands in view I relaxed against the pole. "I will tell you whatever it is you want to know Leliana, but I'm not sure you want this conversation out here." 

Her eyes really are scary when they focus on me. But I was tired, and hungry. She could have thrown a ball at me and I probably would have just watched it as it came nearer. I really was that tired. And she could clearly see it on my face.  

Pulling aside a runner to go get Cullen she lead led ( I keep doing that, uuuuuh) me to the war room. Not a room I ever expected to see in person, it felt almost overwhelming. Cullen soon entered the room, casting a curious glance at me before questioning Leliana.  

"The Herald has told us next to nothing of your origins. You said you are willing to talk, no? Where are you from?" 

"My name is Cris Wolfe, the Herald is Shawn Adams. Once we were married, had a son together, life seemed good. Until I caught Shawn having sex with my niece, who was fifteen at the time. I told the authorities what happened, they investigated, found him guilty of all kinds of stuff not limited to what happened to my niece and he was put in prison for ten years. That's when the Shawn you know, the very angry man out there, showed up. I barely escaped with my life before they locked him away: he blames everything bad that has ever happened to him on me. Even now." 

"Were married?" They both seemed confused by that. 

"We... dissolved our marriage. Annulled it? Divorced is the word for it, I'm assuming that's not a thing here. Until the day we somehow arrived here we'd had no contact in years. As for where we are from... that's a bit harder to describe. He has told you nothing about where we're from?"  

Cullen pursed his lips a little, a small shake of his head his only response. Leliana simply watched. 

"Earth. We are from a place called Earth. It's a highly advance civilization with no magic, only humans, and definitely no giant green tear in the sky. As to how we got here, I was driving my car home- a uh, horseless carriage- when I swerved to miss an animal in the middle of the road and hit a tree instead. Honestly I'm still half tempted to say this is all a dream and expect to wake up in a hospital any minute now, because I have absolutely no idea how hitting that tree landed us here in Thedas." 

"How is it you speak our language when your ex did not? Solas had to find a spell so we could communicate with him." 

"Solas. That day in front of the Chantry, I think Iselan convinced him to do it." The look on Leliana's face was guarded, but not enough to hid a bit of surprise. "Shawn- the Herald, knew about it. I left the room before I could hear what he may have said to them about it." She gave a small nod.  

"Why are you so forthcoming with your information? What do you hope to gain?" 

I had to sit down, suddenly too tired to stand. "You are all about keeping the Herald focused, and I know I am an ogre sized distraction right now. You can remove me, send me off- but there is an elf laying in a cabin just outside of town who's only crime in she has the same colored hair as me. She is not in good shape. So, if you remove me, you have to remove everyone who resembles me because he will do the same to them as he did to her. Hell, I really don’t think even that will stop him, your giving a very bad man all the power." I raised my hand in defense at the look on Leliana's face. "I won't tell anyone what is said in here, but you deserve the truth. You will have to clean up after him, and it will get worse." I rubbed my eyes, the muscles in my leg twitching.  

"I want to help you, and I know I can. Where I come from, there are stories about this world, possibilities about the choices you make here. I know most of them and can lead you, hopefully from a distance, in the right direction. The only thing I ask for in return is protection, and maybe a job. I'm starving." My stomach gave a timely growl. Not kidding, it really did.  

The two larger than life people before me exchanged a look, something major passing between them. "Are you not afraid we will hurt you?" 

"I'd rather face you then Shawn." That got Leliana's attention.  

"Do you have any proof of these, choices, you say you can guide us with?" Cullen crossed his arms, something about his posture hinting that it was more than his physical self testing me just then.  

I just blinked at him. I really was tired, I mentioned that right? "Kinloch Hold nearly broke you, everyone probably knows that. You have nightmares every night, especially now that you've stopped taking lyrium. You often dream of the mage who's image they tortured you with." His eyes widened while I turned my gaze to Leliana. "You believed the Maker sent you to guide their way, Alistair the bastard son of a King, and the Warden. I don’t know much about the Warden, the possibilities over who it was are many. If it was a woman, Morrigan may have had Alistair's bastard. Unless the Warden was male, then it would probably be his. Guess we'll find out at the Winter Palace in a few months, she'll be there. Unless they didn't do the ritual, then none of that matters and either Alistair or the Warden died because only a gray warden can actually kill an Archdemon, thus killing themselves.” I yawned. 

 “Or they conscripted Loghain at the Landsmeet- eh, same result different people. Right now the Herald is in the Hinterlands seeking a Sister, talking to her will open up possibilities of travel to Val Royeaux. They may also help stall fighting between templars and mages while traveling to try and recruit Horse Master Dennet. Might want to prepare for a request for watchtowers in the area. Depends on how much effort Shawn- sorry, the Herald, is willing to put into this.” 

I put my head down on the table as Cullen and Leliana quietly deliberated between themselves. I think I dozed, the next thing I knew Leliana was gently shaking me awake. “How bad is the girl, the one in the cabin?” 

I took a deep breath, blinking the sleep from my eyes. “Her son will not be an orphan, but it may have been closer than I want to think. She needs food though, and probably attention from a real healer.” 

“And you are certain the Herald will... repeat this?"  I met Cullen's eyes over Leliana's shoulder, seeing the unease on the mans face. 

"I could tell you he wasn’t always like this, that he was once a good man and may find that part of himself again. But if you want honesty, I think I only saw what I wanted to see, that the monster was there from the start. So yes, no matter how quiet he keeps it, he will repeat what he did." We talked for a while after that, it was decided that yes, they would offer me protection in exchange for information. I was sure to make it clear I could not tell them everything, or the things I know could change for the worse. They claimed to accept that, we'll see.  

So for now, I have a job doing general clean up on the fields and running water to the troops, that way Cullen can keep an eye on me. When the Herald is in residence I am to stay in my cabin unless wearing a hood to cover my face. I'm thinking of doing that anyways, get people used to seeing the hood, not the person. So after begging to borrow a few books from the library (seems Solas's spell worked on both speaking and reading the common tongue of Thedas) I made my way 'home', to my little cabin in the woods, with a warm pot of stew for my new housemates. Orina still isn’t moving much, but she's talking, however shyly, so that's a plus for me.  

Day Eleven: 

Cullen made a point of informing me the request for watchtowers had come in by crow this morning. So instead of snail mail should I call it crow mail? Anyways, I guess that means they believe me now, although I'm positive they're still watching my every move like a hawk. I'm pretty darn sure that if I didn’t hold the game facts in my tiny little brain they would have found a way to do away with me by now. It's kind of scary. And very motivating. If I go by what little I remember about the actual timeline of the game, after the Hinterlands is Val Royeaux, and assuming he moves like he is right now, Shawn will skip all side missions and pick mages or templars to help close the breach. So a month at most.  

A month to figure out if it is possible to go back into that giant green crack in the sky and return home before it's no longer an option. To my real home, with my son and cat. To a sky I recognize both day and night, people who are at least somewhat familiar, and pizza. Really anything by this point, I feel so alien here, so out of place. Even with a hood people know who I am just by the way I walk. Heaven forbid I talk, I have a very distinct, unfamiliar, accent. And apparently no filter. Of course, there is also the possibility that I may get stuck in that lovely green Fade place. At this point, I have nothing to lose for trying.  

At night I've been teaching Orina how to make yarn, later I'll teach her a few methods of crocheting. It helps pass the time. During the day I run water all over the field, my calves have been screaming at me but I love the feeling. I've been keeping my head down, but I know, because it's just one of those inevitable things, that things won't stay this calm for long. 

Day Sixteen: 

And the day has come. Today started out like normal, helped Orina with morning chores, we both walked to town while her son, Mavic, chased all the nugs along the way. Got on the field, was ladling water to a fresh recruit who decided flirting wasn’t so fun after Cullen smacked him upside the head, when dust was sighted in the distance. Runners came for Cullen, the Herald was back a day early. I was actually sad to see his good mood drop so fast as he demanded I leave for the day, then demanded I find Orina first. In a panic I ran to the other water boy, left my pail with him, and darted into town. The only problem? Orina works in the kitchens. On the far back side of Haven... all the way back. After fighting my way through the gathering crowd I finally made it to Orina, hastily explained what was going on as I pulled her out of the building, and promptly hid behind the next nearest cabin as – how did he get there so fast?- my ex walked by. Or stalked really, wasn’t much walking involved.  I felt stuck when he stopped to talk to someone I didn’t recognize, their words too quiet for me to catch.  

"Hey," a woman’s hushed whisper nearly gave me a heart attack. Turning I saw Iselan waving us over to the back window. It was Solas' cabin. "Cassandra told us what's going on." She opened the window all the way, motioning for us to climb in. "Hurry, he's looking for you." I feel corny for saying it, but even with all the danger standing just feet from the front door, I felt rather excited to be in Solas's cabin again. Look at all the books! Yes, people, celebrate the wonderful nerd in the building- but seriously, I know he had to have books in here on the Fade. Maybe some will help confirm or deny my idea of going home through that rift. Iselan and Orina started talking all kinds of nonsense, half in another language, so I just examined the book spines, trying to read the ones in common. One in particular drew my eye, over and over, but with the way it sat apart, not touching anything else, something seemed odd about it.  

Solas entered before I could decide if I wanted to touch it or not, so obviously I left it alone. He did seem to notice me glancing at it though, or I'm assuming he did based on his brow raise. Feeling nervous I glanced outside again, and seeing no Herald asked Orina if she was ready to go.  

"If it is ok, I can walk her home later. She wants to show me the sewing you have taught her, croking?" 

I let out a startled laugh. "Crocheting. It's her choice, I'll just make my way there now. See you ladies later. Solas." I gave him a little nod, glanced longingly at the book again, and fled. The sun was starting to set, I had no idea we'd been in that cabin for so long. It helped a lot with my confidence though, I kind of felt like a ninja sneaking my way out of town. Once out of the gates I felt more confident than ever, losing the slouch in my shoulders and even humming a little tune as I picked a few herbs on the way home, never once noticing my shadow.  

"You remember what happened to Red Riding Hood when she entered the woods alone?" Shawn's voice floated up a few yards back, the setting sun and impending darkness adding to the effect. I stiffened, heart beating double time, unsure what to do. I had no weapons on me, and the man is built like an ox, all those years of jail yard bodybuilding clearly still evident in his large muscles. "She got eaten up by the Big..Bad..Wolf."  I heard a step to my left, threw my body down low and kicked my foot out, aiming for his knee.  

Easily side stepping he huffed a laugh. "Still feisty as ever I see. This should be fun." Que dramatic knuckle cracking. This man, he seriously thinks he's all that and a bag of chips. Well, he's right about one thing at least, I am feisty. I'm not going to go into too much detail, mostly because half of it was a blur, but I will say I gave him a bloody nose and a fat lip before he wrestled me to the ground. That's when he produced a knife. Cheater. Hand covering my mouth he coaxed my top up, fully exposing my midrife stomach. The knife was sharp, very sharp, as he made pointedly clear as he drew something into my skin, the hand over my mouth silencing my scream. Or choke, I'm not sure what sound was escaping my mouth at that point, it hurt! 

"Herald." Solas. 

Shawn sat up straighter, allowing enough room for my panicked eyes to see something flash across Solas's face as he spotted the knife now angled straight down into my quivering stomach.  

"Leave us apostate, this doesn't involve you." There was a warning in Shawn's voice, making it clear he knew exactly who is in charge now.  

"Sister Leliana bade me to find you, she said it was important." Solas kept his face expressionless, his voice giving nothing away but I caught the tightness of his grip on his staff.  

I squeaked, tightening my stomach as far as I could as the blade dug in before he finally retracted it, cleaning it on my ribs then standing. "Well, then, I guess it would be unwise to keep the spymaster waiting." And he left, just like that. 

I barely took another breath and Solas was there, carefully examining my bloody flesh, his hands joining in as he turned my face side to side. Blue light flared from his hands and the hurting burn of paper thin slices faded, leaving no visible marks behind.  

“Is there anywhere else?” For the first time ever our eyes met. Whoa, his eyes are intense. He's one of those people who may not show emotions on his face, but it sure as heck shows in his eyes. And right now, he's pissed off and worried. Very, pissed off, and worried. 

Deep breath in. "My shoulder is dislocated. Someone needs to push it back in."  Deep breath out. I've had this done before, years ago- it's not a pain you easily forget.  

His hands were gentle as they positioned my arm, waiting until I breathed out before popping it back into joint. Tears sprang to my eyes, my other hand briefly resting on his as I cradled my arm close. "You need to put it in a sling for a few days..." I nodded my head in a way that indicated I knew what to do. "This is not the first time this has happened to you."I didn’t say a word, just shook my head. I was afraid to say anything actually, not sure the real Big Bad Wolf would appreciate me balling like a baby on his shoulder.  "You will have to be more careful in the future." I looked away, unwilling to voice a response. This incident, I knew it would not be the last. My eyes traveled up to where the green of the Breach was still slightly visible through the trees. Not much longer, I told myself. Not much longer. His eyes were on me again when I looked back down. Did he know what I was thinking? He is supposed to be a highly intelligent man, so I guess it is possible. 

 "Thank you." I cleared my throat. "Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but why are you here?" His brows crinkled at the unfamiliar phrase.  

"You should not be walking alone, even without the danger of the Herald. It is a good thing I happened upon you when I did." My eyes drooped at his non answer.  

"Yes, well. Thank you for that." I got up, gingerly dusted myself off and continued my journey home, not really caring what he did while I limped along on my bruised hip. I've never been big on 'the game' stuff, or politics as I usually call it. Be upfront with me and I'll return the favor, otherwise please just leave me alone, I'm not interested. He fell into step next to me as I walked, the quiet tap of his staff on the ground the only noise between us. It was awkward, yes, but oddly comforting. Was it because of who it was, or because I knew he would keep me safe? We were almost to my cabin when I finally broke the silence. 

"Solas, do you know how they found me?" 

"The story of how the Herald was found is well known, one would imagine you were found much the same way since you came here together. " He stopped, gazing up at the double moons visible through a break in the tree line.  

I stopped too, it really was a breathtaking sight. "Your world is still so unfamiliar to me, everything about it really. There is so much beauty here, but you don’t see it. Must be because we don’t have things like this in my world anymore... you don’t truly learn to appreciate something until it's gone." I kept my eyes on the moons, they really were improving my mood somehow. "If I had come through the Fade as the Herald did, he would have left me to be eaten by the spiders there. Or the Nightmare Demon. I think the spiders were his little minions. It, sorry. I keep forgetting spirits and demons are neither male nor female. No, if we came to this world the same way, something else would have had to have dragged me out of the Fade." I lowered my head to find him watching me. I shrugged, letting the subject drop. "Guess I'll never know will I." 

"This world you are from, what is it like?" We reached my cabin, I invited him to sit on the bench with me while we talked. I must be more lonely then I realized, this is the last man in Thedas I should be getting cozy with. 

"Nothing like Thedas. We can fly through the air, travel to the moon. We just sent people to another planet actually. We drive horseless carriages called cars that can get you from here to the Hinterlands in an hour at top speed. Sounds nice right? One thing you should always remember- with everything gained something is lost. We gained the ability to cure most diseases- and created a few new ones. We travel through the air and on the ground at incredible speeds- and are destroying the invisible layer protecting us from the harsh flares of the sun. Its killing us, slowly, but surely. Our planet along with us. Your air is so clean here," I took a deep breath, a small smile on my face. "You have no idea how lucky you people are, even with the blight issue. Which is curable, by the way. And magic. I guess I don’t totally understand why people hate magic users so much, but then again, my world has no magic. So for me that's something really special. No demons either, not that I mind that one." I tried not to notice how his brow crinkled. Really need to stop hinting I know more about this place then I should.  Because... 

"So how is it you know of this Nightmare Demon?" Now I was seriously not looking at him on purpose.  

"Hehe, um, yeah. I honestly don’t remember what happened in the Fade, if that's even how I, myself, got here. But I know that in Shaw- the Heralds case, a Nightmare Demon stole his memories of his trip there. Um, he will get them back though. In time." I had to sit on my hands, they were shaking a little. I totally just told on myself just now. 

"You seem to know a great deal about our world for someone so new to it. Why is that?" I swear, I tried really hard to act cool and brush it all off. But this is me we're talking about, I'm famous for cramming both feet in my mouth and still attempting to walk.  

"In my world we have.. Stories, interactive stories, about your world. We can choose to influence certain events as they come along, but as a whole the story stays the same. I've played- er- read these stories many times, so I've learned a bit about your world- past, present, and possible future." The man next to me was doing a pretty fair impression of a tree about then. In hindsight I'm not sure how smart my next move was, but it got his attention. I placed a hand on his arm, drawing his eyes back to me with a placating upward tilt of my lips. "You have nothing to worry about from me, Solas. I'm willing to swear on whatever you want me to that I will not tell anyone what I know of your past. Or anyone's really." He still didn’t move so I took my hand off his arm.  

"Hypothetically speaking," keeping my voice low I hugged myself from the sudden chill in the air. "Do you think it may be possible for me to go back?" Did it just get colder? 

"Are we to assume you journeyed here through the Fade?" He wasn’t looking at me now, but at least he was talking. I was half tempted to ask if he would help me, but yeah, I wasn’t going to push my luck. 

“Yes.” 

He stood, facing away from me. "I will think upon this. I bid you goodnight, Lady Wolfe." Im pretty sure it was my imagination but I'm half tempted to say his lip quirked a little at my last name. It was kind of ironic, for him, wasn’t it? I watched him leave, only slightly concerned about the repercussions of what I'd admitted to him tonight. I'm starting to think I may have a death wish, or an acceptance of the inevitable. Cause seriously, if he doesn’t kill me, the Herald will. If not the Herald, then something else because I tend to stick out around here, which is not in any way good for someone not battle trained in any way, shape or form.  

Orina showed up surprising fast after Solas left, making me wonder if she'd actually been waiting for him to leave. Did she hear what we were talking about? Oh man, did it look like I was flirting with Solas?! I did put my hand on his arm! Please say no, I don’t want to cause problems for him with Lavellan, I'm just a temporary resident. I relaxed finally when all Orina did was fix dinner for her and Mavic, then ask me to show her some more stuff crochet related. I've been trying to sleep but I keep thinking about what she may have heard- then mentally slapping myself because what did it matter. I am leaving. Repeat after me- YOU ARE LEAVING SOON. Just relax, and think of everything your going to do when you get home. And keep your mouth shut. 

Day Eighteen: 

I stayed in my cabin all day yesterday, trying to keep to myself like I'd promised Leliana I would. No one came to visit so I got a lot of reading done. What I wouldn’t give for a good fictional romance right about now. Which made me think of Varric- I have yet to meet the dwarf. Or Cassandra. It was kind of depressing really. But at least I met Solas- don’t know anyone else who is lucky enough to meet their biggest fictional crush in person.  Changing subject.  

Um, someone may have read my journal while I was out today, I'm not sure. Not that they'd get very far, Shawn is the only one who speaks or writes English and I heard he left this morning. But none the less, the book was out of place when I went to get it so it's possible, which means I need to start hiding them better or possibly- I have no idea- some kind of cloaking spell, like Solas had for that book. I'm positive now that book had been hidden- in plain sight. Why I could see it I don’t know, but now I'm wondering if I could do something like that. Never mind, haha, forgot I'm not a mage. So, plan A it is, just hide it better. Or burn the darn things... nope, can't do- these are the best therapy I can afford right now, as in the only things I can be 100% honest with without repercussions.  

Anywho, uh, I made my way into town today, obviously, that’s how I heard the Herald had left for Val Royeaux. And I may have made my way over to Solas's cabin... I think I somehow broke the wards he had around it... um, how to explain. I walked up to the back window and felt, I don't know, something. It was almost like an invisible wall with a giant keep out sign- but for your nerves. Something made me not want to continue forward. Unfortunately, I'm very stubborn and I really wanted to read that book. So I touched the window while I kept saying in my head please be open, please let me in. You know, that unconscious praying we tend to do. Somehow, it worked. The feeling went away and the window was open. 

 Weird right? 

 So in I crawled, found the book in exactly the same place I'd seen it before, and passed an entire day away reading it. It was about different kinds of spirits and demons and the interaction they have with each other in the Fade. How to tell them apart, how to avoid them. All that fun stuff mages deal with in the Fade. Nothing I felt called for it to be hidden, at least nothing I can think of. I actually read the whole thing- no small feat if you could see how big that sucker is, AND, I remember everything I read. That was just... there had to be some kind of charm on it for that to work. So, once I was done, I put it back exactly where I found it and as I left, after closing the window from the outside, I politely begged the –er, ward? To reactivate. I think it worked. I'm really trying to not think about what that means, don’t want to get my hopes up. So, end of the day and here I am- completely floored by myself. Tomorrow it's back to work, yey.  

Day Twenty Five: 

Nothing new to write, work all day, sleep all night. Well, one thing new. Last night I think I experienced the Fade for the first time. It was, well, scary. Very, scary. If that big black wolf with too many red eyes hadn't come along I may be in more trouble than not. Thank you big wolfie. He didn’t stick around, but he did force me to wake up. What I want to know is why I was in the Fade, because isn't it only mages who go there? Why the desire demon zeroed in on me- again, not a mage. And why the wolf was so fast to help me. Has he been watching me? And how much did he see?!? 

 The desire demon approached me in what I thought was a perfectly legitimate dream, it's not the first time I've dreamed of my wedding day. But this one was different, I was euphoric instead of nervous like I'd been at my real one, and when I walked down the aisle it was Solas standing there- not Shawn. Of course, the desire demon was Solas- and for a minute there I totally went with it. But little things kept sticking out, the way he spoke, him saying he loves me- those actual words, not ar lath ma like any true Solas romancer knows he says. Plus I'm human- that was actually my first clue it was a dream.  

Finally figuring it out I tried to dissuade it from me, even ordered it away like the book had told me to. It was stalking me, chasing me, when S the wolf showed up and scared it off. Again, thank you wolf thingy whose name I don’t want to write for fear someone may be able to read that name. So this morning I woke up, confused in every way possible. I'm going to ask Solas to put wards around the cabin when he returns, I'm pretty sure he'll agree.  

Day Thirty two: 

Solas and Iselan arrived today, alone. Iselan hinted it had something to do with needing fresh air, I took it as someone was being a hot head and needed a break before they broke. Which one and what it was about, I don’t know, that's all I heard. Orina went over to see Iselan, those two get along like a pig to mud. Not that I mind, I just went out to the druffalo field to study the stars. Cullen gave a book of constellations to me, it was actually rather cute how he did it.  

I'd been on the field, pretty sure my face was red by that time of day from running back and forth between all the new recruits. We really need more water boys now. Anyways, it was the end of the day and I had stopped to stretch as I watched the recruits prepare to leave when Cullen stopped me and asked how I was doing.  

"Still in one piece, can't complain." I gave a small grin.  

"Ah, yes, that is a good thing. You seem to be finding life here easier, it is heartening to see." He stopped, rubbing his hands on the back of his neck. Is he nervous? 

"I wanted to give you this," He place a small book in my hands. Turning if over I realized it was a book of constellations. "I often see you gazing at the stars at night and I thought that maybe this will help. I- I mean, if you know what your looking at you might not feel so alone. Not that I think your lonely- maker, I'm making a mess of this." 

I gave him a full smile, the kind I feel even in my eyes. Maybe not a good idea, I think it stunned him. I do have pretty teeth, haha. "Thank you, Cullen. I really do appreciate the gift." 

"Ah yes, well. I don’t expect I will see you tomorrow, the Herald is supposed to return shortly. Stay safe, Cris. I hope to see you soon." It was not my imagination that his eyes lingered before he turned away, completely missing my super silly smile. And wince, I must have gotten a monster bug bite to my ankle just then, it burned. I pulled up my pant leg to check, but seeing nothing I just rubbed it out.  

So there I was, hours later, trying to see the shapes in the book by candlelight as I gazed up at the night sky. I found Judex and Solium fairly fast, but I was still trying to find- 

"Were you not warned about being out in the woods alone?" 

I didn’t even bother looking up from the book. "I'm hardly alone if you’re here." I huffed, where was it? Did this book not have it? 

"What is it you are doing out here?"  

I finally looked up, at the stars not him. I'm not sure I can ever look at him again after that dream I'd had. "Cullen gave me a book of constellations." 

"I see." I raised a brow at his tone. "So what has you so frustrated? I'm sure even the druffalo can hear you complaining to yourself." 

"Fenrir is not in this book. Why would yo-that set of stars not be in a book about constellations? This should have all of them, shouldn’t it?"  

I heard a sigh, then his hand gently closed the book. "I can only guess why it is not in there, but if you will allow, I can simply show it to you." And I looked at him. Pretty darn sure I blushed every shade of red as I remembered the fade wedding kiss. My life is so messed up if a dream has me that worked up.  

Sitting beside me he started pointing out stars to me, showed me Visus and Draconis, both barely visible on the horizon, then moved the pointing hand I'd raised to point something out to the left, his larger hand encasing mine as he named each star that made up Fenrir.  

"Why is it you wanted to find that particular one?" 

"I connect with that one the most, I guess. Wolves are a majestic beast, capable of such wonders.  'Fenrir', the White Wolf." I think my speech was a little dreamy like about then. "Of course, we both know that's not it's real title." I cleared my throat. "And I think I owe a huge thank you to the true owner for his assistance the other night." I could feel his eyes on me.  

"If he were capable of answering I am sure he would say you are welcome. And ask how you found yourself in such a situation to begin with." 

"Uh, exactly how much uh.." 

"Not much." Was he smirking? Oh that- he must have seen a lot more than he's hinting at. 

I could feel the fire in my cheeks. "I thought only mages could dream in the Fade. By the time I realized something was off, that that was the fade, I couldn’t get that thing to leave me alone. So thank you for that, without the help I probably wouldn’t be me right now." I frowned. "But why me? What could it possibly gain by possessing me?" 

"You honestly don’t know?" I gave him my best no duh look. "You entered my cabin, disabled both a deterrent ward and a cloaking spell, then reactivated both- yet you call yourself not a mage." I cringed at the reminder. At least he sounded more amused by it then upset. "I feel no mana flowing about you, nothing. Not even your aura. At first I had thought you were hiding yourself, afraid to be caught. But soon I came to realize you were not actually doing it knowingly. Lady Wolfe- Cris, give me your hand." 

I raised my hand, ignoring the goosebumps that sprang across it when he cupped it in his hand. A flame appeared in my palm, the tiny flickering light dancing to the slight breeze. “You feel no pain?” I just shook my head no. He repeated this with ice, then a green flicker of spirit. Lightning, well, I think I know which element I'm strongest with. I don't even think it was his doing either, I was thinking of it, knowing it was the last element. My hair stood on end, the nape of my neck tingling, when it arched out of my palm and waterfalled in a shower of sparks over my hand, down our arms. I felt it touch him, Solas’s sharp intake of breath his only response before he tightened his fingers around mine, a pulse of something flowing back and forth between us. It was, for lack of a better word, euphoric. And it was clear by his reaction that I wasn't the only one feeling it. 

I heard a step to the right, and turned to find a rabbit at least a hundred yards out enter the clearing. A druffalo munching it's dinner on the other side of the field sounded so close and clear as if I stood next to it. And looking at the breach revealed colors and dimensions I had never seen before. It took me a moment to realize I was seeing all this in the pitch dark of a moonless night. “What is this?” My words were slow, my attention elsewhere.  

“I am unsure.” Solas sounded much like how I felt.  

A twig snapped and suddenly I was surrounded by red templars, the envy demon puppet pointing a sword in my direction. "Kill her!" He yelled, the templars moving slowly to respond. Or everything seemed slow, because I couldn’t move fast enough to prevent the dagger from piercing my side, the scream that escaped my mouth cut short in a sick wet grunt as an arrow found it's mark in my back. My gaze dropped to my chest where the tip was visible just below my heart, blood dripping from my mouth onto my hands.  

Hands were on my face, then a flash, and it was all gone, except for the ache in my ribs. "Lethallan, are you ok?!" 

I tried to answer, but wound up spitting blood instead. I must have bitten my tongue, I thought distractedly. The worry on his face grew, his hands now glowing green as they ghosted over me, stopping just over the ache from the phantom arrow. "I have never seen someone have a vision so intense they felt it. Nor have I ever watched what they saw." His voice trailed off, distress still evident. "That was..." 

"A possibility." I wasn’t sure, but as soon as I said the words I knew they were true. "Only a possibility." 

"Why would Lord Seeker Lucius demand your death? What is it you know that is so important?" 

 I stopped, clearing my throat. "Can I sit up first?" 

I was laying on my back in the grass, Solas's form covering half my body as he leaned over me. Seeming to just realize how this looked himself he hastily sat up, warily watching as I did the same. "I think it's time to call a meeting, a choice must be made. Would you, um, walk me home, please? I'll explain everything tomorrow." 

Being the gentleman Solas is he walked me home, even waited until I shut the door before leaving. I could see the wheels turning, he wanted to lay into me with the questions, but I needed time to figure out answers before I could deal with that. Even sitting here writing I keep touching the spot the arrow had pierced, the image of the tip protruding from my chest and Solas's face as he explained he'd seen it too warring for importance in my mind. I wonder if he even realizes he called me lethellan. If he is calling me family I guess he really does intend to protect me- and I'm not sure that’s such a good idea, all things considered. 

Day Thirty Three: 

Bright and early this morning I tracked down Leliana and explained that we needed a meeting with everyone, including Solas. Since the Herald had arrived at some point in the night she said she'd set one up for later, I would be informed when it was time. Following orders I spent the rest of the morning in my cabin, avoiding contact with the devils spawn  Herald now in residence.  

After cleaning the cabin for the fifth time a knock came at the door- startling me even though I was expecting it.  

Solas, in his usual mask of indifference, was on the other side. "The Spymaster requested I fetch you, we are to meet in the war room shortly."  

Giving him a nervous smile I stepped out, closed the door and momentarily flustered at not having a key to lock it with. If for some reason I stay I really need to fix that- oh, right, nevermind.  

The walk was silent, my mind elsewhere. I'm pretty sure if Solas hadn't been there I would have just kept walking, I was so lost in thought. With a gentle hand on my back he guided me towards town, a small concerned crinkle tilting his brow when I nearly started hyperventilating.  

"Cris, are you well?" His hand rested against my forehead, then my cheek, probably checking my temperature.  

Without thinking I pressed his hand closer, holding it as I nuzzled my face into it, as if it could give me the strength I was searching for. Taking a deep breath I let go and stepped back. "Yes," another breath. I can do this. "Yes, I'm good. Let's just get this over with." Ignoring his odd look I turned and entered town, head high as I beelined for the Chantry. Shawn would already be inside, and I wanted to make this fast.  

The room went quiet when we entered, Solas silently closing the door behind us.  

"I'm all about a welcoming party, but I didn’t expect you people to invite her." Insolent curr. 

"They didn’t invite me, Herald." I'm happy to say I kept a perfectly polite, if somewhat haughty, voice. "I requested this meeting." 

"And you had to bring your bodyguard for this?" My what? Oh- I barely stopped an indignant laugh- Solas.  

"Commander Cullen." I looked through Shawn, pretending he wasn’t there.  

"Lady Wolfe." There was a slight softening to his eyes. 

"Sister Leliana." I got a small nod from her. "And you must be Seeker Pentaghast. It is a pleasure to finally meet the right hand of the Divine." She stayed silent, giving me a small nod while watching my every move. 

I turned and gave a small bow to the last person in the room. “Lady Ambassador.” 

“A pleasure, Lady Wolfe.” Josephine returned my little bow of respect. Ahh, too many sexy accents in one room, be still my heart. 

"Great, we can all hug and sing kumbaya now. Now seriously, what is she doing here?"  

"I called everyone here to discuss the impending recruitment of the mages or the templars." 

"Herald," Leliana stepped forward finally. "May I introduce the Oracle of the Inquisition." 

"The what-" 

"As she is such an important member of our organization she is under our protection, and should be treated with the respect someone in her position rightly deserves, no?" I could see a muscle twitching in his jaw, his eyes like ice as he gazed a me.  

"Of course, Spymaster. Understood." I really hope Leliana didn’t fall for that, but I'll give her an A for effort.  

"We were actually just discussing the issue of who to recruit. What more can you tell us on this?" Ah, she speaks. Cassandra is such a Xena, I love that about her. Hard exterior with a squishy soft center.  

I glanced at Solas, then turned to the table at large. "You had a bad experience in Val Royeaux," Shawn snorted. "Especially with Lord Seeker Lucius. Even you, Cassandra, expressed how very different his behavior was." Everyone froze. I just told everyone something I should have no knowledge of- so now I truly had their attention. 

Deep breath. "That was not the Lord Seeker. The real Lord Seeker is currently hiding in Cear Oswin, with full knowledge of what he has done. Not only does he know what is going on, he allowed it." I waited a moment while Cassandra cursed a storm too low for me to hear.  

"Then who was that? Who is leading the Templar Order in Therinfal Redoubt?" Poor Cullen, this could not be sitting well with him. I think I kept the pity from my face, I tried at least. 

Holding his gaze so he could see the truth in my eyes I said, “An Envy Demon.” Yeah, let's not do that again, it was almost just as painful to watch as I'm sure it was for him to feel.  

“Are we to blindly believe her words? What proof can she offer us?” 

“I have no physical proof, Cassandra.” I kept my gaze on Cullen, trying to ask if he was ok with my eyes. My ankle burned again, that feeling is what finally drew my gaze away from him. Why the heck does that keep happening? “But without the proof to sway you, I want you to look back on what happened yourself. Lord Seeker Lucius had a fellow templar publicly, and physically, harass a sister of the Chantry. Publicly denounced any care for anyone or anything save his own selfish goals. And if I’m not mistaken, everything about him felt wrong.” She looked at me a moment before finally giving a nod of acknowledgement.  

“What would happen, should we find a way to gain entrance to Therinfal Redoubt?” Josie was furiously writing away on her little portable table as she asked this, the scratch of her quill the only other sound in the room.  

“You will learn first hand what a Red Templar is for the first time, another thing both Envy and Lucius did on purpose. Envy will try to overtake the Heralds mind, possess him, and you will meet Cole, a very nice young.. man. Not all the templars are corrupt, though, some can still be saved. Knight-Templar Delrin Baris, he is still uncorrupted. Approach him, and be persuasive as hell- he won't leave as long as a commanding officer still stands. He is a prime example of what the order should be.” 

“You said it would try to possess the Herald. Out of curiosity, what would happen should it win?”  

I rubbed my chest, catching Solas’s concerned looked out of the corner of my eye. Idly he stepped behind me, a small flare of his mana soothing the spot. Cullen, and likely Cassandra, I wasn't looking at her, frowned at the use of magic. “The Oracle had a vision last evening, one so intense she felt everything that happened. The red templars shot her with an arrow, just below the heart.” Solas’ gaze slid over to a disgruntled looking Herald. “If I am not mistaken, it happened just as you arrived home, Herald. The timing seems telling, does it not?” 

“That is most concerning. What of the mages? If the risk of possession is that high, perhaps we should concentrate on recruiting the mages instead.”  Josie glanced up as she spoke, quill still moving at lightning speed.  

“If there is a Demon leading the templars then we should be going after it!-“ Cullen was just getting warmed up when I raised a hand, my head shaking side to side at his words.  

“Please Cullen, consider this-“ 

“Cullen? Have you gotten so close to our Commander that you can address him in such a way? Is the elf not enough, whore?!”  

Pursing my lips I waited a moment, then ignored him. “Red versus Blue.”  

“What?”  

I held Cullen's gaze this time, willing his understanding. “The corrupted red are greater in number and too far gone, they greatly outweigh the few blue still left.”  

I heard both Leliana and Cassandra give a sound of understanding just as the light clicked in Cullen's eyes. “Your best course of action is to save those not yet corrupted.” His nod was sad, the look in his eyes that of a desperate man wanting to cling to hope when there is none. 

I could see Shawn’s head darting back and forth between us, clearly not understanding. I just left it at that, they could explain the whole lyrium issue to him themselves. 

“And if we were to approach the mages instead, what would happen then?” I knew Leliana stood with the mages, and because of what was at risk I do too. But I still tried (albeit not so very hard) to stay neutral.  

"A Magister named Gereon Alexius arrived in Redcliff after the breach was formed, and yet he didn't. Grand Enchanter Fiona invited you to Redcliffe while in Val Royeaux, and yet she... didn’t. Should you decide to recruit the mages you will find that every single mage has been, um, indentured, to Tevinter, and Grand Enchanter Fiona will have no memory of inviting you." 

"Stop speaking in fucking riddles, woman. What the hell is worse about Redcliff that we should choose them instead of the templars?" I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Such a newb.  

"The last thing Ferelden needs is to lose all of it's mages to a Magister. Even I can acknowledge how this is worse than the demon." Cullen pinched his nose. "What was Grand Enchanter Fiona thinking?" 

"There is more, is there not?" With a small nod at Leliana I faced away from them all, getting lost in thought. I'd spent all night thinking about how to tell them all of this, I'm actually surprised I remember as much as I do. But what I do remember... I wonder how much will be changed with me telling them all of this- and if my presence will make any difference.  

My words are slow, a weird feeling settling over me as I spoke. "Alexius has perfected time magic- but since it is such an unnatural force it is destabilizing parts of the fade, causing unusual rifts. Fiona did meet you in Val Royeaux, but then Alexius used his special amulet and arrived before she ever left- thus changing the timeline. He is a member of a fanatic group of mages who call themselves the Venatori, they worship, you guessed it- the Elder One. And they want you-" I point at Shawn. "Dead, with a passion. He will try to.. lure... you into a.. a trap..." I had to stop talking. My head, I pressed my palm into my temple, it was feeling foggy, making it harder to concentrate on what I was telling them, then- 

"Solas," I reached an emaciated hand to his face, smoothing the distressed lines from his red glowing skin. "It won't be much longer- he'll be here soon." My words were slow, weak. "He'll stop all of this from happening- this future won't exist." Solas' hand held mine through the bars separating us, cradling it to his cheek, a single tear glistening in his eyes.  

"Ar enfenim ma ju'din ra to ithamah."(I fear you will not live long enough to see that.) He placed a kiss on my palm.  

"Ga on. Min din telir sulda melana." (It's ok. This death is only temporary.) His hand squeezed mine, a shuttering exhale leaving his chest.  

"Mah tel'din elvar'nas ra tel'din nuem." (That does not mean it does not hurt.) 

"Ah," Shawn showed up then, a sad Cassandra and concerned Dorian in tow. "How touching. Too bad it looks like someone can't come along- you'll have to leave her behind, Solas." 

He made a point of jingling the keys as he unlocked Solas' cell.  

"Unlock her cell." Solas nearly growled once he exited it.  

"Now why would I do that?" Cassandra, surprisingly, shoulder checked Shawn and nabbed the keys from him.  

"They have been through much this last year, Herald. She doesn’t have long left-" her voice broke. "They should spend it together." 

The cell opened and Solas nearly ran in, cradling my upper half to his body, our foreheads touching as he gripped me close. I couldn’t feel my lower half- why couldn’t I feel my lower half? Shawn snickered as he lazily walked in behind him.  

"The bitch really is dying, isn't she? Dorian, you say if we go back, things go back to normal and this never happens right?" 

"I- yes. This future will never come to pass." I had to grin a little at Dorian's voice, I've been dying to meet him after all. Well, he's finally here. A sharp pain pierced my chest, Shawn's gleeful grin telling me exactly where it came from. Solas shot up at the sight of the knife, a weak glimmer of silver in his eyes, but I grabbed his hand with a surprising amount of force given how weak I am, stopping him. Even with the arguing and fighting sounds in the other half of the room I had eyes only for Solas, the last of my strength for him and him alone. 

"Ma nadas halani dara."(You must help him go back.) It hurt to talk, but I had to right this or Solas would never help Shawn. "Ar'an jushiral saron sal, ma vhenan." (We will journey together again soon, my heart.) The world faded, my vision failing. I must have imagined his last words to me though, there is no way he said ar lath ma in the end. 

"Come back to me, lethallan." Solas' hand cupped my face, the other supporting my upper body against his in a standing position. "That's it, Cris. Just breath." I blinked my eyes rapidly, my eyes darting about at the concerned faces surrounding me. Placing my hand over Solas's I gave him a nod, then stepped back.  

"Are you ok, Lady Wolfe?" Josie was holding a cup of something out for me to drink.  

"Ar ameon, ar telir nuven'in a sahl." (I am good, I just need a moment.) Their shocked faces clued me in real fast that I wasn’t speaking Common, or English. I was speaking fluent Elvhen. When had that happened? I shot a questioning look at Solas but he looked just as confused as I felt.  Taking the cup from Josie I made sure I was speaking Common as I thanked her. The drink had barely reached my stomach before I twisted out of Solas's still supporting touch and ran to what looked like a waste basket, heaving everything out. The rag someone handed me was covered in blood when I wiped my mouth. I know I didn’t bite my tongue this time- does this mean something bad? Are these visions causing me to bleed? Will they eventually kill me? 

"Solas," I whimpered. "What does this mean?"  

"I am unsure, Cris. Please, you need to lay down so I can examine you." His voice was slightly more frantic than normal. 

"Hand me her cup, Josephine." Leliana sounded cold. "Where did you get this from?" As she continued to drill Josie for facts on the cup and it's contents Solas and Cullen helped me lay down in an adjoining room, shutting the door to everyone else.  

Solas tried to talk to me, I think he asked if it hurt anywhere. I don’t know. The world was spinning, and I was spinning with it.  

Day I have no idea: 

According to a spirit named Passion (it is highly passionate about books and history), I have been in the fade for no less than two days, maybe more. Why, I really don’t know. But here I am, reading another honestly fascinating book about ancient elvhen culture. Seems Solas was quiet the playboy at one time. I also seem to have some somniari (Passion had to spell that for me) abilities since I can summon my journal here. Hopefully I can accurately copy this to my physical one when I wake up.  

Passion was very nice when I first stumbled into this monstrous library, I think it was happy to have someone to talk to. We discussed my world for maybe the first day... or two? Heck if I know, time isn't the same here as it in in the waking world.  Apparently it finds me fascinating- or did, it's been absent for a few hours now. And me, well, with Passion's absence my mind has been wandering back to what happened in the war room, and that vision. Plus seriously, how in the world did I suddenly become fluent in Elvhen? I've had all kinds of crazy theories run through my head, not the least crazy being that Solas had somehow transferred the ability to me when he gave me common, and the vision had triggered it. That also brings up the day someone read my journals... could the spell work both ways?  

I felt the other presence before I even turned, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. "Solas." His hand settled on my arm, silently bidding me to face him. "How did you-" Arms encircled me, holding me tight.  

"I have searched the entire fade for you, lethallan. How is it you found yourself here in Vir Dirthara of all places?" 

I stepped away from him, confusion mixing with wonder. "I'm in the shattered library? But how, this isn't truly in the Fade... it's an in between place..."  

"As you are in an in between spot. You need to return, Cris. Your body has lain without it's spirit for nearly four days. I can not promise how much longer it will linger without you." His hand reached for me again before he stopped himself, slowly lowering it to his side. "Passion found me, it worries about how you linger here." I nodded, I'd already figured as much.  

"What happened? How did I, uh.."  

"The cup you drank from was lined with Quiet Death, an extremely potent and vivacious poison. It should have killed you, but it would seem as if your body is healing itself. I believe it would be more successful with its spirit attached however, thus my search for you in the Fade." 

"Poison?" 

"We do not believe it was intended for you." Ahh, yes, that makes sense. While the good news is Shawn did not drink it, the bad news is, Shawn did not drink it. My life is so messed up. 

"Did they pick who to recruit?"  

A strange look I wasn’t able to decipher crossed his face. "After your.. vision, they chose the mages. Arguably the Herald did not pick them, we suspect because you told him he'd fail at saving the templars and he wanted to prove otherwise, but we vetoed his decision. Even the Commander. I believe he is sweet on you." The last part seemed questioning. I merely shrugged, unsure what to say.  

"Cris, you must know that when I touched you I shared your vision with you. I don't know what I missed, but I saw- again I saw you die, this time in my arms. I heard your words to me, weak as they were. You should know-" 

"You don’t need to worry about anything, Solas." I knew what was coming, that doesn't mean I wanted to hear the actual words. "I know your not interested in humans. And yeah, haha, no pointy ears here... Look, whatever it is I may or may not feel for you, I won't bother you with it." Switching to English I continued, "Even if it breaks my heart daily that you will never feel as strongly for me as I do for you." Beyond a little brow twitch he didn’t respond. There goes that theory. I quirked my lip, trying to keep the disappointment out of it. "Can you wake me up please?" 

Oddly he seemed to struggle with himself before he finally responded. "Of course. Wake up, lethallan." 

Day Thirty Eight: 

Maybe I got the timeline wrong, I don’t know. I thought they got to the destruction of Haven in the first month- or it felt like it at least. That's games for you though, they have nothing on the real thing.  Solas left with the Herald this morning for the Storm Coast, taking the devious Sera with him this time instead of Varric. I feel bad for him- Solas, not Shawn. But then I remember in some ways he kind of brings it on himself and shrug it off. He's had a few millennia to learn patience- now he gets to put it to the ultimate test.  

Iselan has been super sweet and helpful, it's still hard for me to stand for long periods of time and she's always there to help me. Of course, she considers me teaching her everything I know about crocheting as payment. Both her and  Orina sit with me at night, all of us making mass blankets out of the yarn we've made for all the refugees pouring into town. I know the blankets are not practical for medieval life, but people enjoy them none the less. Cullen has come by a few times to see how I'm doing, and after realizing Iselan actually has no romantic interest in Solas- and blushed at Cullen's name- I started to subtlety play matchmaker. I like Cullen, don’t get me wrong, but I have no intention of starting a romance with someone when I'm leaving soon.  

I had another vision last night... it's part of the reason I'm convinced I have to try to go home- I have no choice. Why the heck is it every vision I've had so far I've died??? I die- if the Herald goes to the templars. I die- in the future of Redcliffe should the Herald pick the mages. And I die- either way, in the attack on Haven. Yeah, that happens. Since I can't figure out a way around it I've steeled myself for my probably long miserable life in the Fade, because I really don’t have faith this is going to work. But I want to live. So, I'm pushing myself, probably too hard, but I have to go and I have to go soon. Not to mention should Shawn return and find me this weak, guess what? Im dead... to be honest I really just want a hug and for someone to tell me everything will be ok but that's just not realistic. I will not just roll over and let this vision be right- I'm going to try, and soon.  

I will get stronger. I will. 

Day Forty Two: 

I talked to Leliana today, explained to her what is going to happen once the breach is sealed. And also why it was greatly in her best interest to convince the others to not leave Haven. Or well, not the soldiers at least. Once I told her everything I know she seemed to understand. Thank goodness. She informed me the Herald is still in the Storm Coast, guess he decided to be unselfish for once and is doing the side missions. I was hoping to meet the Bull but given the nature of my relationship with the Herald I think it's probably a good thing I won't. I left today, simply walked out of town like I always do after talking to Leliana and saying good day to the rest of my usual hang out buddies- Iselan and Cullen were kinda close today, I had to grin when I saw them. I know it's all her doing- she got the ok and ran with it. Good for them.  

The walk wasn’t too far, the Temple of Sacred Ashes was just up the mountainside from Haven, after all. I took my time though, stopping to gather all the herbs I came across in case I needed a valid excuse for being out here. And during that nice, calm walk straight up the side of a mountain I realized something. I'm going to miss it here. Not the demons and everything apparently wanting me dead, but my new friends and the environment. I don’t have this at home. But- I steeled myself. I have a son. And he deserves to have his mom around, if he's even noticed I'm gone yet. That whole- does time flow the same here and there conversation again. Geez, how would I explain my absence to everyone? Would they even believe me? Ha, no, they wouldn't. This story is so unbelievable, even Varric would have a hard time selling it as truth. I actually saw him just before leaving town, wanted to say hi and talk. Then I remembered he's basically another Solas, or Bull, and best avoided when up to no good. Even if the no good in question is just, basically, running away. Eh- I don’t like that phrase. As if my lack of fighting skills doesn't make me sound weak enough- now I'm running away. Grr.  

Ok, pity party over. I finally reached the top and was sitting there studying the breach, trying to figure out how to physically reach the darn thing, when another vision hit. Stupid things really need an off switch. 

"Hey Boss, why are we in such a hurry to return to Haven? The horses won't last much longer." The Iron Bull looks so much larger in real life, even in the vision I was staring. Holy cracker jacks- I mean, he's HUGE. And he's a romance option for elves? How does he not break them with all that kinky stuff he's into?!  

"They will last long enough," Shawn's response was an angry growl. Something had him in a very bad mood, the dour looks of the two elves riding some distance behind him possibly being the cause. So angry, in fact, that he didn’t see the signs of fighting up ahead until they were on it.  

Entering a small clearing revealed templars laying in wait, several mage bodies scattered about. My ankle started to throb- they didn't yet see the archers hidden in the trees, arrows trained on Solas and Sera. The man's arm pulled back, steady and sure as he took aim... 

NO! IT WILL NOT HAPPEN! 

Ok, a switch did get flipped- but not the vision one. I was conscious of what I did after that- but it's like I was on autopilot, no true thinking was involved. I..fade stepped??!? There was a boom and I was running, everything around me a blur, the only thing on my mind was I must reach him NOW. Like a beacon I followed the feel of Solas- a for sure knowing that he was right there, and I had to run faster. I could feel Solas now, his concern at my rapid approach, then I was behind him, a steel barrier thrown up just as  the archer let loose his arrow. As if in slow motion I watched it beeline straight for my head, watched my hand casually reach up and grab the shaft just before it made contact.  

Still moving at hyper speed I raised my other hand, a lightning cage completely encased the archer, his dying screams alerting the others of his presence.  

"Whaattss tthatt," Bulls words flowed like molasses, his movements just a slow as he swung his giant axe around.  

"Waaattttccch ooouuut," Cassandra's movements matched the Bulls, her eyes wide in alarm as a templar started to drop his sword, tip down. Smite. They do that when they smite someone. Using just my hands I mimicked hitting a ball with a baseball bat, somehow flinging the offending templar back before he could complete his spell, then repeated the process as another tried to finish what he'd started. The rest of the group made short work of the remaining templars after that, but everything still seemed to slow.  

It was Solas who broke me out of whatever mode I was in, his hand on my oddly vibrating arm pulling everything back into focus.  

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!!" Shawn looked like he wanted to storm over to me but thought better of it. 

"Lady Wolfe," Cassandra watch me warily, everyone else hanging back. "How is it you come to be here?" 

"I was at the temple when I had a vision- you never saw the archers." I gazed, rather dazed still, at Solas, then Sera, then back to Solas. "You didn’t see them until it was too late." 

"She sayin them tin cans shot us in the back?" 

"I believe you owe her thanks, Sera. As do I." I don't know what to make of the look on Solas' face, or any of them really. I kept replaying what had happened, my eyes settling on the archer.  

"I think she's in shock, Boss." Oddly I found Bull in front of me, kneeling down to my level. "I'm guessing this is your first kill." He really does have a nice voice, soothing when he wants it to be. 

"First all of this. Never used magic before either... or killed. Heh, guess I'm not useless after all... not weak." 

Solas' arms wrapped around me from behind, his head close to mine. "You were never useless, lathellan. Or weak." My body was slowly sinking, everything feeling kind of fuzzy.  

"Is she ok?"  

"She has expended a lot of mana in a short amount of time. She just needs rest. The Iron Bull, allow me to introduce Lady Cris Wolfe, Oracle of the Inquisition." 

"A seeress? Hadn't heard you had one of those." 

"It's not common knowledge- nor would it be wise for it to become so." There was a warning in Cassandra's words. "Let us be off, we're still half a day from Haven."  

With the Bulls help they put me on a horse in front of Solas, his arms holding me securely as we traveled. "Wait," Shawn seemed confused. "If we're still that far out, how did she get here?" 

"I suspect she ran." Solas's reply was dry, like talking to a child. "Her natural element appears to be lightning, I've never seen it used so efficiently before. Despite her origins it would appear she is a natural at magic." 

"Natural pain in my ass is more like it. What the fuck is the bitch doing out here alone is what I want to know." I could just imagine Bulls brow raise at Shawn's reaction to my presence. "Always sticking her nose where it don’t belong. As if we fucking needed her."  

We'd been riding for a few hours, our pace slightly slower then it had been in my vision, when we stopped to rest the horses. I imagine the horse master is going to have words with Shawn when he sees the condition of the poor things, the one holding me and Solas faring no better then the others. They really had been pushing them too hard. I felt well enough to walk, and honestly I wanted to experiment with my new found abilities.  

Like a chicken though, I waited until Solas had wandered off for some reason into the woods. "Bull," the horned man looked over, his full attention on me. "Let the others know I'll meet them back at Haven, I have to get my stuff."  

"You shouldn’t be walking these woods alone, Lady Wolfe." 

"Just Cris, please. And I'll be fine. See you tonight." I gave him what I hoped was a confident smile and took off, the green mark in the sky my guide. Again. Great, I was not expecting their return for days, and there they are, early. Doesn't matter, I reminded myself. If you want to live you have to leave- it's your only chance... but how? That blasted rift is really high. Shaking my head I concentrated on replicating what I'd done to fade step, managing to somewhat travel maybe a mile to the left. Not a total mess up, Haven was in that direction, but still not what I was aiming for. Frustrated I stomped for the next mile before trying again, this time thinking about how Solas had said I use electricity in unusual ways and the way my arm had been vibrating when he stopped me. Maybe I had combined the two forces without knowing it? Testing this new theory-  worked. With a boom I shot up the mountain, reaching the breach within minutes instead of hours.  

And found Solas, waiting for me.  

His back was to me, hands neatly folded behind him as he gazed upwards. "I had wondered how much longer you would be." He turned, giving me a small smile. "A fast learner, just as I suspected you would be." 

"How did you...?" 

"You had mentioned you were at a temple when you had your latest vision. This is the only temple in the area." My pack was lying on the ground several feet away, journal open to the last entry. So could he read it? Or was it just a prop? If he can read it, does that mean he understands it too?  

"Why?" 

 He didn’t even pretend to misunderstand me. "I was concerned." His hand waved over to my journal. "And rightly so, it would seem. You intend to leave, no matter the risk to yourself?" 

"...Yes." I watched him tuck his hand back behind him, his mask firmly in place. "I have a son there, Solas." He seemed to flinch a little. "You didn’t know that did you? Everything I knew is there, my life, family, friends. Ha, cat. This trip has been.." My voice tried to crack. "Incredible. But we both know I don’t belong here. And if I stay, I will die when Haven falls." His eyes shot back to me. "I've seen it." 

"I understand the pain of wanting that which is lost." His words were slow, as if he was picking them carefully. "But attempting to go through that rift will result in nothing more than your death. If not here in the attempt, then there from the beings living within it." 

No, he's wrong. He'd say anything to try to stop me, the man is a known liar after all, a master manipulator. I would not let him dissuade me. Steel in your spine, Cris. Steel in your spine.  I knew the only reason I was so desperate of push his words away is because I might actually want to stay, but not for the right reasons. So I must leave. I must. Whispering a quiet heartfelt goodbye I pushed his words away, concentrated on my awesome new lightning fade stepping ability and took off, only absently noting his alarmed face. I had already figured it out, but my aim would have to be just right. Running around the building, just missing Solas on the second pass, I gained speed before jumping from pieces of the ruined building, going higher and higher with each piece until at the last one, positive I had my height and direction as perfect as I could get it, I leapt into the air, straight at the breach.  

It felt like I hit a brick, the blow knocking the breath from my body, taking me moment to realize I hadn't reached the breach, but had been blocked by Solas instead. I have no idea how he reached me that far up, but our landing was by far less than graceful, both of us tumbling head over heels until we finally stopped, his body pinning mine below him, one hand on each wrist, thighs cradling me between them.  

"You cannot leave," he heaved, breathing hard. "Not like this, not through there. Only death awaits you in the Fade." 

"Get off me." I ground the words out.  

"Do you promise not to try again?" 

"I promise nothing. This is my choice, Solas. Mine and mine alone. Now get off me before I scream your other name!" 

His eyes narrowed. "You swore-" 

"I said I would swear- I never did." His eyes were still narrowed, his grip not lessening in the least. "SOLAS IS FE-" His mouth crashed onto mine, very effectively shutting me up without releasing me. At first I froze, we both did, both shocked by his rash move, but when he didn't raise his lips from mine it shifted, softened. I was kissing Solas- now I really could die a happy woman. You know, every time I romanced Solas in the game he was very passive in his desires, unwilling to 'trick' female Lavellan into bed while she was in the dark about his true identity. That right there told me a ton about his true self compared to his reputation. But when my mana flared, connecting with his in a way I can only describe as carnal, he dropped all pretense of being gentle, his kiss turning primal and savage, all the walls between us dropping. Then the desperation set in. 

I have been a sexually active adult for twenty years- and I was doing it wrong the whole damn time. Because what that man did to me, the pure sensations and needs he milked from my body there on the dirty snow covered ground, were beyond anything I'd ever imagined before. Within a matter of minutes he completely ruined me for other men. It was over far to soon, my cry of ecstasy mixing with his as he spilled within me, both of us gasping for air.  

And in typical Solas style he had to ruin it all by apologizing profusely as he fixed his clothes, eye averted. I don’t regret it, but still, for a millennia of experience the man is such a virgin to certain things- like tact. My high officially killed, in a rather painful death, I stood, righting my own clothes, silently grabbing my pack and turning to Haven. "I will stay, for now." 

"That was in question?" I snorted. Did I fry his brain or something, or did he honestly just forget I'd just tried to leave a matter of minutes ago? I didn’t even bother to answer. 

The walk back was silent, a war playing out across Solas' face up until we reached the outskirts of Haven, his usual mask in place when we parted ways. I didn't even bother watching him enter town, too lost in my own thoughts to even care. It hurt. Everything- it just hurt. 

Day Forty Four: 

I stayed in bed all day yesterday, too tired and sore to move about much. Orina was concerned when she caught a peek at me changing, apparently my back is covered in bruises. And told Iselan... and Solas. What I wouldn’t give to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation. I knew it was him at the door when the two arrived early this morning, both concerned about my odd behavior and battered body. You'll be proud of me- I stayed polite, even cracked a few of my usual corny lines. My eyes didn’t linger, I didn’t flinch from his touch. I, actually, managed to act like nothing was wrong. And I guess, in a way, nothing is.  

The bruises on my body are from more than just Solas, and the ones he gave me I will cherish until they fade. I knew, and have always known, that he would never feel towards me as I feel towards him. So instead of digging a hole over the whole thing I'm trying to accept it, save what I can. And savor the memory. I love Solas. I have for years, and probably will for life. But I value our friendship to the point that I will give up all chances of love just to keep it. Of course, mental and physical are different things, which is why I refused to dwell on it. My heart was broken, shattered. And there was nothing I could do about it. And I'm rambling. Figures. 

So when Solas told me he is leaving in the morning with the Herald for Redcliffe I just gave my usual farewell, pretending I didn’t feel how he stiffened slightly at my touch. "Say hi to Dorian for me, I look forward to meeting him." And pretend I didn’t feel a little better at the slight flare of jealousy in his eyes.  

Then he was gone, and I was stuck watching Orina play with Mavic. In my heart of hearts I know my son will be fine without me, I know I raised him right. But even the most heartless woman will morn the loss of their child. Orina found me later, huddled up in a corner, crying crocodile tears as I haltingly told her the abbreviated version of how I tried to go home, to my son. She held me, rocking me back and forth as she hummed a lullaby, tears running down her own cheeks as she gazed at her son. She understood. 

Day Fifty Three: 

Sorry, I've just been really, uh, busy. Seriously, I have. After Solos and crew left I threw myself into work, which has been more considering we have made building the trebuchets our top priority. Two are done, the third nearly there, and the last one, a new addition according to the game, is more of a giant crossbow- aiming up. Yes, I told Leliana about the dragon.  

Add to that the change of tactics in fighting styles, now more geared towards templars, and we've actually hired five more water runners. Cullen keeps telling me to sit down, I should consider how this looks since I am a member of the inner circle, to which I told him I have. What looks better to the little man- a higher up willing to share the workload, or sit on their plush tooshie eating bon bons all day? Which lead to me explaining what bon bons are. Iselan forced me to sit down today and relax after finding out I've been skipping meals, but I'm so stressed out, my stomach in knots, food just doesn't appeal to me right now. She literally sat on me. So, she won. On the plus side, that's the first time I've heard Cullen laugh, which turned Iselan pink- gah, those two are so cute! 

I was actually siting there, watching those two fools fall in love, when the Herald drove his horse through town at breakneck speed, uncaring who was in his way. Myself included. Someone screamed as he drove the horse straight at me, pulling up just short of running me over, the poor horses sides heaving, a thick lather on it's coat. "You!" He yelled, jumping off the horse. Faster than my brain was responding he pulled back his fist, the sound of it connecting with my jaw throwing everyone around us into action. To stop him. "This is all your fault!" He continued to yell as Bull tried to restrain him. "They never would have turned on me if it wasn’t for you!" Cullen helped Bull finally get him down, carefully restraining Shawn between them.  

"Let me guess," spitting out some blood, I kept my voice low, mindful of listening ears. "You killed me and they didn’t take it very well." In a loud, carrying voice I continued. "I believe the Herald needs time to recover from his recent ordeal in Redcliffe. Please assist him to his cabin." 

Stepping back I leaned closer to Leliana who'd come to investigate, whispering. "I think he could really use a sleeping draught right about now." Without any acknowledgement she left. I wasn’t worried about it though, I knew she agreed.  Iselan tried to check my jaw but I just waved her off, continuing what I'd been doing when he'd arrived as if nothing had happened. While I got a few curious glances everyone soon turned, only too happy to have new gossip to spread.  

Day Fifty Four:  

Loud banging woke me in the middle of the night- not that I minded too much, my dreams are plagued with death these days. I never should have opened that door.  Something in my gut told me not to and I didn’t listen, too tired to hear. It was Shawn, he'd finally located my cabin, rather gleefully for a half mad person. And I do mean half mad- his eyes were wide as he swung his fists at me, pupils dilated. Orina and Mavic ran screaming from the room while I kept his attention on me, using my barrier to bear his blows. I don’t know how much time passed, I really don’t, but the cabin was in splinters and I was barely holding on when help finally arrived. I swore to Leliana I would not hurt Shawn, that's honestly the only thing that kept me from killing him outright- that and the mark on his hand. Of all the people to get it, it had to be him. So when help finally arrived in the form of Cullen and Bull I clung to the corners, wheezing through what I was sure was a broken rib, or two. I felt sick, nauseous, little stars twinkling around the room that slightly spun, but I waved the men off as if nothing was wrong. Decision made, I hobbled into town to find Leliana. 

"I have to leave," I wheezed as both her and Josie sat me down, checking over my injuries. "He will kill me if I stay." I must have passed out after that. Sunlight woke me sometime later, the man holding me on horseback trying hard to not jostle my injuries. Blackwell had joined the Inquisition shortly after Bull, I hadn't seen much of him since his arrival. Now it looked like I'd be seeing much more of him as he carried me away from Haven. 

"Sister Leliana asked me to take you somewhere safe, somewhere even she has no knowledge of. She'll ask me later, I'm sure. Since the Herald doesn’t know I'd already arrived he won't know I've left, or at least that’s the idea." He didn’t talk much after that, which was fine, I wasn’t really conscious for most of the ride anyways. Days passed in this manner, the weather growing steadily warmer as we descended the mountain. Far away, I often whispered to myself. Far away from him.  

Day Fifty Seven: 

It took us three days to get to our destination, which turned out to be somewhere within the Arbor Wilds. A small village thrived there, the people kind and understanding, more than willing to take the money Blackwell offered to take me in. Then he disappeared, likely heading back as fast as he could to Haven. I wonder how he found this place, it's not on the map he'd had on him. I have three days of sitting on a horse to recover from, in addition to my injuries, but I quickly impressed my handlers with my drive to get better. I already know I can't stay- my last vision, one I'd had on my way here, showed Corypheus. He knows about me now.  

Day Seventy Five:  

I had another vision last night, Haven fell. Knowing that Solas now leads the Inquisition to Skyhold felt right to me, he belongs there. Unfortunately Corypheus has now realized he won't be getting the mark back and will start looking for other means to take over Thedas. Cue, the Oracle. I thanked my handler, the woman really has been good to me, accepted the walking stick she offered and hobbled off into the woods. I know, I know. The woods are dangerous, right? So be it. I will not have those nice people harmed simply by my presence- I must move on, alone. I decided heading south was my best move, deeper into the Wilds. It would be months yet before Corypheus invaded the Temple of Mythal, I had plenty of time to get out before his arrival. So while Solas leads the people north, I travel south.  

I think I know why Solas feels drawn to me now- I'm actually surprised it took me so long to put the pieces together. On my ankle, the spot that periodically burns like a beacon, is an old tattoo I had done of the wolf Fen'Harel, the three red eyes making the distinction. I asked around that town I'd been staying but no one knows of a way to remove tattoos. They are permanent in this world, unless your Solas and know a good spell or two. It actually makes me glad he's so far away now, it makes me feel like I've taken away his free will. That his feelings for me are only because I have his mark. It's not a good feeling.   

Day ?: Maybe One Sixty Five: 

I really need to learn the local calendar, it would make all this journal stuff a lot easier. Three months, give or take have passed since my last entry. Couldn’t be avoided- ran out of ink in the middle of the wilds, they don’t exactly have a local shopping mall to purchase more at.  

So, how did I make it out, and why the heck did it take so long. Um, yeah.  

It had been maybe three days when I started to notice I had a shadow, and five before I actually saw him. His name is Abelas- I know right. He said I'd passed too close to Mythal's temple and he was going to slay me when he sensed the mark- turns out Solas is still saving my life, even from Skyhold. So Abelas took me to the temple where they righted my leg, I no longer hobble. And told me some interesting news.  

"Ethal will take care of you until you are fit to travel, then I will have another lead you to the coast. From there another will meet you and lead you to a safe place, a haven from the cruelty of today's world." 

"Thank you, Abelas." He gave me a steal glance, eyes having never once softened since I met him. "I will leave here as soon as I'm able." 

"Please don’t push too hard, my lady. A woman in your condition must take care of more than just herself." My jaw dropped. I'll be honest, I kind of suspected it, truly, it's hard to ignore a growing waistline.  But at thirty eight I never expected to have another child of my own. I'm going to have the child of a god. Abelas left me then, a small smirk teasing the corner of his lips.  

"Abelas!" His head came back around the corner. "Sometime in the near future a small army will invade your temple, seeking the well. Please don’t kill Solas when he arrives." 

"Solas? So he has taken that name again. It is good to hear he yet lives, many have wondered after his long disappearance. I will not kill the wolf, my lady. I cannot promise the same for his companions."  

It distressed me, but I knew that was the best I would get from him. "Thank you." I dropped my gaze, then raised it when he continued to stand there.  

"Is he the father?" Something about his look was different, less stern. 

"I... yes." 

He nodded. "All the more reason to see you safe, my lady. Rest, we will talk again soon." 

I spent roughly three months there, a near miscarriage putting off my departure far longer than any of us had expected. They wanted me to stay longer actually, my rabid curiosity amusing them to no end. But a scout spotted in the distance forced their hand, they did not want me there when the temple is attacked. Just before leaving Abelas met me at the entrance, handing me a bag of herbs.  

"This is enough for perhaps another month, then you will have to find more. I do not know why you put off the inevitable, Lady Wolfe. He will find you eventually." I gratefully took the bag, glad for even that much more time. It was sleeping herbs, they helped prevent me from entering the Fade. I really wasn’t ready to face Solas knowing that the mark on my ankle had forced his affections.  

Day One Sity Ine: 

See sickess. Ugg 

Day One Eighty: 

Finally off the ship, never been so happy to see land in my life. According to the people here I'm currently somewhere above the Anderfels, below the Donarks, near the Volca Sea, which is where I came into port.  It is incredible, here. The trees a tall and wider than a truck, many of the homes high in the canopy. My first night here they showed me to a grand 'home', the build obviously far superior to most of the others I passed. Because I am Solas' baby momma, and carry his mark, I have been granted the best accommodations they could offer. Which I immediately tried to turn down. Did you know that it is impossible to turn down accommodations? Or being treated a certain way? I swear they think I'm royalty. I hate it. The good new is the baby is healthy, all signs of danger seem to have passed. The bad news, I ran out of the herbs I'd been using to avoid the Fade a few days back. I haven’t felt my mark pulse in awhile so I'm really hoping that means I'm too far away. Fingers crossed. 

Day Two Ten: 

Life here in Adahlen has been like a dream, almost perfect in every way. As I near my third trimester I've come to realize that even though I hate how they treat me, this means my child will have the best. I fought for every penny I had while raising Alex, trying, and often failing, to provide the best for him. It was a hard road that forced me to miss much of his childhood due to work. Now? I get to enjoy it all this time. What I wouldn’t give for a camera. 

Day Two Twenty Two: 

Not sure if that’s a lucky number or not, but 221 sure wasn’t. He finally found me. 

I'd decided to go visit Passion in the Shattered Library, something I'd done numerous times to avoid stressing over Solas finding me. I really should have known better. Solas was there, his presence almost overwhelming after so long, and even though I tried to wink back out as soon as I felt him he proved exactly why he is the master of the Fade- he stopped me without even turning around.  

"Cris," He breathed my name, savored it. "Is it really you?" I kept my back to him, afraid of his reaction.  

"Solas. H-how have you been?" 

"Is my presence so repulsive to you now you cannot even face me?" Crap. I hung my head for a moment, resigned, then took a deep breath, which baby Wolfe decided was offensive to his space and kicked back, right into my bladder. I groaned, hunching over a bit. 

"I'm fine," I squeaked when he placed a concerned hand on my back. "So, uh, Solas. I have something really important to tell you..." My words made me cringe, but that really is what I said. I slowly turned, watching his face when it zeroed in on my stomach. Oh yeah, no hiding this little surprise. His mouth opened a few times, no words coming out. "Um, congrats!" I totally failed at trying to make a cheerful face. "Your gunna be a daddy..." The look on his face... was that disgust? No no, it couldn’t.. Be? Oh no, it was, wasn't it? "I." I tried to say something, anything, but right then the tears started welling in my eyes, my heart breaking. I took a step back, his face changing to alarm- then another, each breath coming faster with the impending storm of tears, a hand in front of my mouth as I tried to hold it back. "I want to wake up now!"  

“Cr-“  I RIPPED myself out of the Fade before I could hear more.  

Later, when everyone else wakes up, I'm going to talk to Sora about that herb Abelas had given me before. There has to be something I can take, anything. My ankle started burning, throbbing actually, for the first time in months, but I completely ignored it. He'd made his point. I don’t think I'll ever forget that look... I'm so sorry my little one, looks like it really is just you and me.  

--- 

I didn’t want to tell Sora I was asking so I could avoid Solas, plus she said it might harm the baby, so I didn’t take the herbs. Solas might not even be there, right? 

Day Three oh One: 

Somethings wrong. Not with me, with Solas. My mark- I've been on edge all week, and today the feelings running through me. No, no I can't. I'm not wanted there anyways. And I have a baby, or will real soon. One he doesn't want. Back and forth, back and forth- my mind and heart seesawed like a mad roller-coaster, the track twisted and broken. It wasn’t until Lyala stopped me, eyes wide, that I realized I'd been fade stepping from one end of the room to the other while lost in thought.  

"Lady Wolfe, is everything ok?" Her eyes looked like she was watching a ping pong match, back and forth, back and forth.  

"Yeah, yeah I'm goooo- ahahaaaha." It BURNS. I doubled over, hand tightly strangling my ankle as a light glow shone through the long skirt covering it. I can't, I cried internally as Lyala tried to look me over, her words drowned out by my own thoughts. I cant put my baby at risk for that man! What was happening that it was doing this! It was agony, pure agony. I was so consumed by my pain I never felt Javic lift me up, never heard Lyala's cries for help. At one point they had to restrain me when my mana flared, knocking everyone and everything away. Wind pushed, lightning sizzled, my body burned with an internal fire that even Ice couldn’t quell.  

"Take her to the temple!" Someone yelled, hands lifting me to obey. "Gather the healers- this will take all of us!" The world rolled in a daze, nothing making sense as I felt my body changing. Hours passed, or minutes, it was hard to tell, then I heard a voice from my past.  

"How long has she been like this?!" 

"MY LORD! SH-she has since this morning- it started this morning. The healers are worn out, we don’t know what's happening.  

"Who initiated this spell? Who is doing it?" 

"Spell, my Lord? We found her in a state of extreme disquiet this morning, your mark was burning her leg. We thought it was you." 

"Mark? But I... it would seem she has not yet told me everything." Magic flowed over my body, pushing the cloth over my ankle off. "This is not possible..." 

"My Lord?" 

"Cris, ma vhenan, it would seem our child is a mage. A very powerful mage." His words were quiet, but we could all hear them. The magic centered over my stomach, his words still low and soothing. "Come now little one, let me guide you. Your mamae is in great pain, she will not survive if this isn't completed soon." The room fell quiet, the pulse of magic growing stronger. In a haze I noticed my body begin to glow, a soothing warmth flowing from head to toe. Then it stopped. I opened my eyes to find an exhausted Solas gazing lovingly at my now bouncing belly. I didn’t have the strength to be mad, the scene before me seeming so unreal, as if I were in a dream.  

That's when a different pain hit.  

My little Sulahnara was born just before the moon rose, Sul for short. Solas, even though I wasn’t sure I should care if he approved or not, seemed to love it as soon as it left my lips. My little song. She was perfect- is perfect. The little coos from her lips as her daddy carries her around the room are music to my ears, a dream come true. I have a daughter. We have a daughter? We need to talk. 

I must have dozed, Solas' arms were empty when next I looked at him. He was sitting next to me, watching me. 

"Solas," I croaked. My voice had perhaps gotten a little too much use today. I had questions, too many questions to pick just one. It must have showed on my face. He gently reached over and clasped my hand, laying it over his heart.  

"I cannot claim to know what you saw on my face the day you told me of little Sul. I was in shock, and admittedly no small amount of disgust at myself for allowing you to get in such a condition unplanned." His eyes held mine. "You did not give me time to respond, and afterwards I was afraid you no longer wished to see me, so I gave you space. Maybe too much space." I could see the fear of my rejecting him still in his eyes. "I have thought much of my future plans, and, given recent changes." His lips quirked, he meant Sul of course. "I will have to rethink my path. I am hoping you will be willing to do the same, and allow me into yours." 

"Solas-" 

"Please, ma vhenan. The world is so dark without you there to brighten it. And now, thanks to our daughter, I can spend all of it, for as long as I live, with you." 

"Don’t call me that, Solas. It's the mark- the one on my leg. Its why you want to be around me, it's forcing your affections. And what do you mean, thanks to our daughter?" 

"While it is likely the mark may have had a hand in us getting together, I am not fighting it, nor have I a wish to. As for our daughter- she performed the spell this morning. She uplifted you, Cris. You are as I am now. Immortal." 

My mouth worked several times, no words coming out. I was really doing to need time to digest this one. "Not even a day old and already she's headstrong. I blame you." 

He laughed. "I will gladly take responsibility for this one, because of this I can live my life with you now. Ar lathe ma, Cris." 

Ok, I'll admit. The man was forgiven as soon as he walked into the temple earlier. "Ar lathe ma, Fen'Harel."