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If you were to ask almost anyone, Ryunosuke Akutagawa was a cold and unfeeling person. He'd done some of the most heinous acts spoken of in Yokohama and was known widely as the Port Mafia's rabid dog. Nothing was considered too far as long as it was an order from one of his higher ups, and indeed he himself would agree that he was not one to be considered kind or even compassionate. Which is why those same people would find it hard to believe that a person like this could care so deeply for someone else. Which wasn't exactly true seeing as how he'd cared about others in the past. He cared deeply for his younger sister, Gin, who for the longest time was the only one he'd ever had consistently stay by his side.
Recently, however, another person was added to his list.
And it was because of this person that Akutagawa had been working so adamantly on improving himself. Ever since he'd gotten involved with the naive, overly cheerful man by the name of Atsushi Nakajima. What started as a partnership that the two mutually disagreed upon had slowly developed into something better than the two ever could have imagined. It had taken some time to become what could be considered as friends, but once that obstacle had been overcome it had been surprisingly easy for the two's relationship to blossom into something more meaningful. Indeed, Akutagawa and Atsushi had become a couple.
It had been a surprise to those that had found out, no doubt about that, but the pair had been doing well together. Their arguments had still been prevalent in the beginning, that had taken some time to deal with, but they were far less frequent now. It had devolved into petty squabbles before even those turned into, at most, playful remarks at the other's expense. Their cooperation and teamwork had improved as well, and the success rate of their missions had gone up exponentially. It was because of his partner's influence that Akutagawa had been striving to become better, become someone that he felt Atsushi deserved. Because he'd come to realize that Atsushi was too good, too kind, and he loathed to think of a day ever arriving when his partner would realize that he wanted something better than Akutagawa.
So he'd been trying. He was attempting to cut back on the brutality of the crimes he needed to commit as a member of the Port Mafia and was no longer taking part in the act of mindless, unnecessary slaughter. With Atsushi's help, he'd been trying to open himself up more, and not close others off from himself or the emotions that he was feeling. This was astonishingly more difficult, and he often wondered if there was any progress being made. But Atsushi would often give him a blinding smile when he would make an attempt, telling him that he was making an effort and that was all that truly mattered. Around Atsushi, he felt a plethora of emotions, even before they'd gotten together: anger, irritation, confusion, surprise, acceptance, amusement, contentment, happiness. Far too many emotions to put a name to, and far too many that he was embarrassed to acknowledge.
The one feeling that he always despised, however, was jealousy.
Because Akutagawa was not, in fact, a jealous person. Not at all. At least, not according to Akutagawa himself. Yet as he watched Dazai and Atsushi having a conversation with each other, the former's hand ruffling the latter's hair in a friendly display, he couldn't help the feel of that familiar sting of irritation that often accompanied his jealous episodes. He and Atsushi had just finished their most recent mission, and it had gone without a single problem. Neither one was injured once during the fight that they had against their enemy, and the mission was completed in barely any time at all. The two had just reached a park on their way to report their results whenever they had encountered Dazai, who congratulated them on a job well done. It was nice, that feeling of accomplishment that they'd both received. It was especially gratifying for Akutagawa, who was loathed to admit that a part of himself still looked for Dazai's acknowledgment.
It wasn't helping that Dazai didn't even seem to be aware of what he was doing. He was merely grinning down at Atsushi and getting more physical throughout the duration of their exchange. Akutagawa in turn couldn't help the aggravation that was making itself more apparent on his face. His eyebrows drawing down into a look of what could only be annoyance. He knew that these feelings and thoughts were entirely baseless. He also knew that the two in front of him were nothing more than platonic, but it didn't matter. It still bothered him to see someone getting close to Atsushi, who was so important to him. It was when Dazai placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, ruffling the other's hair more vigorously and laughing at the indignant yelp he received in return, that he could feel a spark of Rashomon's energy. He quickly tried to extinguish this feeling before his ability could react further, but it appeared that he was too late. Osamu looked over curiously, and he was too slow to mold his facial expression back into a default neutral that gave nothing away.
Dazai sent a mischievous smirk his way, causing Akutagawa to narrow his eyes. He wouldn't.
"Truly, Atsushi-kun, I'm proud of you both! You and Akutagawa-kun have come so far since you started as partners, and I couldn't be happier! Oh, who would've thought that my little Atsushi-kun would become such a great team with Akutagawa-kun? I'm just so proud~" Dazai drawled, bringing Atsushi closer to him in an over exaggerated hug. Akutagawa could feel his eyelid twitch. He would.
"Thank you Dazai-san, that means a lot to hear," Atsushi began, voice muffled by Dazai's shoulder, "But could you not hug me so tightly? It's getting hard to breathe."
"Of course, of course! I wouldn't want to hurt my little protege now," Dazai chirped, indeed loosening the hug, but now he was nuzzling his face against the side of Atsushi's own. The boy looked more than a little awkward by what he was being put through, but he didn't look at all surprised.
"What are you doing now, Dazai-san?"
"Just so proud~" The senior detective sang, wrapping his arms around Atsushi's middle. It was at this point that Atsushi felt a cold chill running down his back. The feeling was one that he knew but hadn't been on the receiving end of in a long time. He turned his head to find Akutagawa with the darkest expression that he'd seen on his face in quite some time. The boy instantly tensed, wondering if something was wrong. Was there an enemy nearby? Was Akutagawa feeling OK?
"Akutagawa? Is everything alright?" Atsushi asked, concern in his voice. Akutagawa said nothing, merely shifted his eyes until they were fixed on Osamu, glaring intently at the man. Atsushi tried to take a step forward, but the arms around his middle kept him from doing so.
"I'd dare say that our little Akutagawa-kun is jealous," Dazai piped up cheerfully, now moving his arms until they lay atop Atsushi's head, resting his chin against the back of his hands. Atsushi startled, attempting to stare up at his coworker incredulously. Jealous? What reason did Akutagawa have to be jealous though? There was nothing out of the ordinary going on, merely Dazai commending them for their hard work today. Atsushi looked back at Akutagawa, who was still staring his former mentor down. Atsushi came to his conclusion quickly, sighing softly with a bit of forced amusement as he felt something akin to disappointment running through him. He'd thought that they'd gotten over this, but maybe he'd been wrong.
"There's no reason to be jealous or anything Akutagawa, if that's what's wrong." The boy began, at least glad to see that his boyfriend's gaze had traveled over to him instead and had softened somewhat. "Dazai-san is proud of you, too. He was congratulating the both of us, not just me. He thinks you did a great job as well." Atsushi smiled reassuringly. Akutagawa gave a frustrated scoff in response, turning his head to look to the side. Atsushi blinked, not understanding the reaction that he'd been given. He turned to look at Dazai, who'd finally let him go and was chuckling quietly next to him.
"Did I say something wrong?" Atsushi questioned, brows furrowed in confusion. Dazai hummed thoughtfully, clicking his tongue and wagging his finger in Atsushi's direction.
"Yes, Atsushi-kun, because it's not you that Akutagawa-kun is jealous of right now. At the very least, it's not my attention that he wants at the moment." Dazai informed him, an entertained smirk once again on his face. Atsushi frowned, still confused. If Akutagawa's displeasure wasn't a result of his former mentor not paying attention to him in the same way that he'd been to Atsushi, then why was he-? Realization came next, and a finger was pointed in his direction cheerfully.
"Bingo! Now you've got it. I can see that I'm quickly becoming the third wheel though, so I'll leave you two alone for now." Dazai winked, patting his friend on the back before pushing him gently forward. He turned to leave, waving a hand dismissively, "I'll tell Kunikida-kun that your report's going to be a little late. Just don't take all day!"
With that, he was gone.
Atsushi took a moment to figure out how to approach this situation, looking almost hesitatingly over at Akutagawa, "Then...you were jealous of Dazai-san?"
"What reason would I ever have to be jealous of that man? Don't be ridiculous." Akutagawa responded, tone clipped and still looking firmly away.
"You WERE." Atsushi gasps, tone becoming almost giddy. "That's so cute!"
His boyfriend shoots him an almost offended look before facing the opposite direction and walking away. "We're leaving now."
"No I'm serious, that's actually really cute!" Atsushi insists, following after the retreating back in front of him. "So then you were angry because you didn't want Dazai-san close to me like that? Is that it?"
"I have no idea what you're trying to insinuate, Jinko." Akutagawa states, now beginning to walk away at a faster speed. Atsushi quickened his own pace until he fell into step right beside his companion. The silver haired boy tried his hardest to hide it, but a small, amused smile was starting to take shape on his face. He honestly couldn't believe that Akutagawa was jealous right now. He supposed that it was fitting, but it was almost foreign to think that someone could get jealous over HIM. There was a warmth starting to blossom inside of Atsushi, and despite his little teasing jabs at his boyfriend there was a part of him that was truly happy to know that Akutagawa cared so much about him. To know that there was some part of him, no matter how small, that didn't want to risk him being taken away. Still, he needed to remedy the situation at hand. Knowing how the other worked, he'd be subjected to at least two days of passive aggressive comments and a general cold shoulder if this wasn't handled correctly. That seemed to be how all of their arguments went now that they've stopped fighting and trying to kill each other.
"You do know that Dazai-san and I are just friends and coworkers, right?"
"I'm well aware of that," Akutagawa retorts, the additional increase in his speed minuscule, but noticeable nonetheless. "I'm also aware that his entire foolish performance was used to try to gain what he would consider to be an amusing reaction. That's how he works."
Atsushi gave an exasperated huff, contrasting with the amused expression still taking over his features. Akutagawa really was uncomfortable with talking about his feelings. It almost looked as though he thought that if he could run away fast enough, that he could avoid the situation entirely. Atsushi wouldn't push it too far, but he did need Akutagawa to know that there was absolutely nothing to be worried about. He was forced to pick up the pace again, as his partner had now increased to a brisk walking speed.
"Then you know that there's no problem. Dazai-san was just messing around before. Believe me, there is zero interest coming from either side. I know it takes a lot more than that to convince you, but you'll just have to make due with the fact that I love you and wouldn't ever-"
The two froze.
Somewhere, distantly, he thought that he could hear the sound of people walking through the park just as they were. The yelling and shrieking laughter of children as they ran and played with their friends, the leisurely conversation of couples lounging on a bench close by. There were even a few birds chirping in the trees along the surrounding area. However, Atsushi wasn't really paying attention to any of it. The only thing he heard at that moment was the sound of his own heartbeat, pounding so loudly in his ears that he was positive it could drown everything else out. He could feel the blood rushing to his face and it was warm now, far too warm.
No.
He didn't...
Had he actually just done that?
Closing his gaping mouth and swallowing quickly, Atsushi risked a glance at Akutagawa. The other's head had snapped back to stare at him, the most shocked expression that Atsushi had ever seen outside of battle taking over his features. The mafioso's dark eyes were wide and unblinking, his mouth hanging slightly open as his own had just been. The were tiger suddenly found himself feeling dizzy. Why had he just said that? True, he and Akutagawa had been dating for quite some time now, but was it too early to be saying something like that? It had been more than a few months, to be fair, but neither one had ever been in a relationship before this. Was it too soon for something like love to be added into the picture? He didn't know. What would Akutagawa think? Would something like this scare him off? Was there a possibility that those words would cause him to leave? The thought sent a shock of alarm running through his veins, dominating his previous surprise and embarrassment. That was the last thing that Atsushi wanted.
"Ah, no I didn't mean to say that! I didn't mean that at all! Hold on, no, i-it's not that I didn't mean it, because I do, I just--wait no!" Atsushi started to panic, gesturing with his arms wildly as he tried to find the correct words. He discovered that it was much harder to backtrack than he originally thought it would be. Because he didn't want to say that those weren't his true feelings because they WERE. And he'd been incorrect before; the last thing that he wanted was for Akutagawa to ever get even the slightest inkling that he was unloved. Especially if those kinds of thoughts would originate from Atsushi himself.
"I meant to say that--well, I don't know what I wanted to say, really--but just know that I do! F-feel that way, I just..." The boy could feel his cheeks growing even hotter as he stumbled through his explanation. "I don't want this to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. So if you just want to forget that I ever said that then we can! I understand if it's too soon. That isn't how I wanted to say that to you for the first time, but--ah, I'm sorry! I can't even believe that I did that. I'm still not used to this, and I don't know when the correct time to say something like that is. I just really don't want to scare you away. Because I honestly do care about you a lot and, really, you're the one that got jealous in the first place! So...Ugh, let's just forget it! We can start back over from the beginning of this conversation and we don't have to bring this up until we're both ready to-"
"Atsushi."
The silver haired detective instantly stopped and turned his head quickly to stare at his companion. It wasn't often that Akutagawa would call him by his first name. Nowadays it was only ever Nakajima, with Jinko often making an expected appearance as well. Sometimes Nakajinko for when Akutagawa wanted to tease him, but for the most part he was only ever called by his surname. Akutagawa rarely ever used his given name, but when he did Atsushi made sure to listen. He turned to find that Akutagawa had gotten even closer than he realized, the other's face just a few inches from his own. There was a slight hesitation in the other's expression before the look became one of determination, but Atsushi still thought that he could see something soft and almost affectionate in that gaze. Akutagawa moved even closer, bringing his hand up to cup Atsushi's jaw. The boy's breath hitched slightly, but he started to close the distance himself, the couple's noses bumping together lightly. While he wasn't quite smiling, there was a certain look of fondness that wasn't often seen there, his eyes crinkling slightly at the edges. The man used his thumb to gently stroke Atsushi's cheek, swiping once across his bottom lip before using his hand to draw the other closer until there was almost nothing left between them.
"You talk far too much." Akutagawa murmured, before the distance between them disappeared entirely.
The two had kissed before, so this should have been nothing new. It was though, Atsushi thought, as he immediately brought one arm to wrap around Akutagawa's waist. The other moving until his hand buried itself in his boyfriend's hair, playing idly with the onyx colored strands. This kiss was full of the unspoken love and affection that the two felt for each other. The press of Akutagawa's lips against his own firm, yet gentle and sweet. It was nothing like the regular kisses that they'd shared before, nothing like the cute little pecks given throughout their day. It was a feeling that one could easily give himself over to. Atsushi wasn't one that ever thought about drowning. Not like the man he'd pulled from the river that day that ultimately lead him to his wonderful partner, but he found that he wouldn't mind drowning in this feeling.
Akutagawa moved both of his arms until they were around Atsushi's shoulders, trying to bring himself closer. He wasn't the best with words, after all. He agreed that actions speak louder, so he hoped that the other would understand what he was trying to convey without himself having to say anything. Atsushi responded by tilting his head just slightly so, deepening their kiss even further. As their lips moved together, Akutagawa found himself toying almost unconsciously with the hair on the back of Atsushi's neck. The were tiger shivered lightly and Akutagawa almost chuckled. It was a few moments later when he could feel the tell-tale signs that came with not being able to breathe approaching. And it was then that he cursed the fact that humans needed air now more than ever.
The two broke apart softly, but they kept the same closeness that they'd acquired during their intimate exchange. They were both breathing faintly, faces flushed. Akutagawa opened his eyes to peer into Atsushi's own sunset colored ones, heart almost leaping at the dazed, love-struck look that he found there in those beautifully glittering orbs. Akutagawa glanced away a moment later, embarrassed, before moving to tuck his head against the crook of Atsushi's shoulder, their hold becoming an embrace. Atsushi returned the motion, but not before pressing his lips against Akutagawa's temple. Not for the first time, they both wondered just what they'd done to be able to deserve this. Akutagawa breathed in quietly, the scent of his partner washing over him. It was a scent that had long become familiar to him, something comforting. Thankfully, it was helping to calm him for what he was about to do. He tightened his arms around Atsushi.
"I love you, too."
Atsushi instantly snapped his eyes open, looking to Akutagawa who had pulled away not a second later. He had barely heard it, Akutagawa's voice just a faint whisper, but he HAD heard it. At least, he believed that he did anyway. His mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to rediscover his voice.
"What? You...You just--did you just say-?"
"You heard me the first time. I feel the same way." The other responded quickly, drawing a sharp breath from Atsushi's lungs. His heart began to beat a little faster. He almost didn't believe it, but the sight of Akutagawa's blushing face gave him all the confirmation that he needed. He really meant it. Then, they both…
Atsushi's lips formed into a wide grin, possibly the happiest smile that he'd ever given anybody. Akutagawa just ducked his head further, coughing quietly into his hand before offering the other to Atsushi.
"Let's go, Atsushi."
Not needing to be told twice, he immediately bounded over to his boyfriend, taking the offered hand and lacing their fingers together.
"Alright, Ryunosuke." The silver haired boy spoke sweetly, drawing a sputter from his companion that quickly turned into another cough. Atsushi was about to ask if he was alright before he felt something moving protectively across his waist, knowing instantly what it was. The boy grinned again and took a step closer to Akutagawa before Rashomon had a chance to move him itself. Rashomon's user quickly glanced over at him, before resolutely keeping his eyes forward. Atsushi didn't mind though. This was the most joy that he'd ever been able to experience in his single life. His grin softened into something smaller and sweet. Even if he did look like a love-stricken fool, he couldn't find it in himself to care. After all, Atsushi could see Ryunosuke's lips tilting upwards into his own smile. It was bashful and almost hidden by his hand, granted. But it was still there, reserved for only his partner to see, and lovely in a way that only Ryunosuke could make it. Atsushi decided to say nothing about it though. He merely began to hum happily as they continued to walk forward.
Because really, who was he to judge?